


The Boy I Shouldn't Want To Love

by Dan13la



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst with a Happy Ending, Both Have Their Issues, Bully Theo Raeken, Bullying, Character Development, Child Liam Dunbar, Child Theo Raeken, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Emotional Sex, Emotional Tether(s), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Jealous Liam, Jealous Theo, Jealous Theo Raeken, Jealousy, Light Angst, Living Together, Love/Hate, M/M, Mason is a Good Friend, Protective Theo Raeken, Shy Liam Dunbar, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Step-Brothers, Step-siblings, Theo Raeken Feels Guilty, Theo Raeken Loves Liam Dunbar, Theo is a Little Shit, Thiam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2020-02-28 04:34:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 188,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18749116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dan13la/pseuds/Dan13la
Summary: Liam comes back to Beacon Hills after years, when his mother decides to get remarried. His big shock is finding out that his new step-father's son is the same guy that back then in elementary school used to bully him, making his life a literal hell...Thiam Human!AU || English is not my language, sorry for any mistake!





	1. It will be fun, Little Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my new story. It's the first time I write an AU, hope it won't come out so much bad!

"Hey honey, are you ready? You don’t want to be late for the first day of school?!”

His mum’s voice screamed from downstairs. Liam jumped, standing in front of the closet, looking at the reflection in his door again, obviously still in his pajamas, clothes and shoes scattered everywhere behind him. He grumbled, resuming his search for the perfect suit more feverishly than before.

Someone knocked. Obviously it was his mum. After all it was just the two of them, sharing that small flat on the outskirts of the town. Even though things were about to change ...

His mother's head poked out of the door, and when she noticed the mess that his room was, she starred, stepping in completely. "Liam, what are you doing? It looks like a bomb went off in there!” She bent down puffing and picking up the first things that happened to her, and then throwing them on the bed. She turned to face him, then, with a frown.

"Sorry, mom, I'll clean it all, yeah ... sooner or later ..." he ranted, as he finally grabbed the tight black jeans he'd been looking for hours, and a white shirt. He finally turned around, meeting his mother, her arms crossed, an eyebrow raised, waiting. "Do you plan to go out?" Liam asked her, raising his jeans to make her understand that he had to get changed.

Jenna snorted "I'm your mother, Liam, there's nothing down there that I haven't seen before" she laughed.

"And I am your son, and there are things no son would want his mother to see" he murmured, amused in response, giving her his back and taking off his pajama shirt. He turned back to her as he bottomed his shirt.

"Yeah," she comments, studying him. "I would not like to see you stick out, honey, for example. You dressed like you have to go to a wedding, are you sure you want to dress like that?"

Liam rolled his eyes. "Please, Mom, what do you know about how kids dress nowadays?" He snorted

"Are you calling me an old horse?" She replied in response, as she picked up a shirt and jokingly pulled it at him.

"Never" He sat on the bed, pulling off his pants and replacing them with the selected jeans, getting up to tie them.

Jenna studied him for a few seconds, a sweet smile that tilted her lips now "You look stunning, honey. You’ll kill in school."

"Let's hope" Liam sighed, turning to look at his reflection in the mirror, a hand that moved to pull back his hair.

"I'm sorry, honey, that you have to change school mid-year-"

"It's not your fault, Mom, you know," Liam interrupted her right away, abruptly. If there was someone to blame there, that was just him. "Let's not talk about it, please."

Jenna nodded, seemingly relieved. Liam tried a smile, promptly changing the subject. "Anyway,  _this_ -" he pointed to his look "is not just for the new school, you don't want me to meet your  _fiancée_ dressed up like a bum, do you?"

Jenna laughed, approaching and ruffling his hair. Liam escaped her grip. "Mom, hair!" She laughed again, then took him by the shoulders. "I'm very proud of you, do you know?"

"I know, I'm very proud of you too" he replied honestly.

She seemed thoughtful for a moment, looking deeply into his eyes. "Are you sure you are fine with it, honey? New school, new home, a new.. family, I don’t want it to be, uhm-  _too much_ "

Liam shook his head, smiling "Mom, the most important thing for me is that you're happy. And if Paul makes you happy, then I already like him. And I will also like his son, I'm sure"

Jenna seemed still worried though "Maybe I should have introduced you before, I don't think it's a good idea to move in with them without eve-"

"Mom" Liam admonished her gently, rolling his eyes. "We have already talked about it. It's okay. And then I’ve always wanted a brother.” He shrugged. Jenna smiled at him, hugging him tightly. "Dad would be happy too, you know?" Liam grumbled against her shoulder.

"I know" she replied, stepping away to look him in the eyes. "And he would be very proud of you too."

 

*

 

When he got off the bus, out at Beacon Hills high school, he tried two conflicting feelings at the same time. He felt uncomfortable, a stranger, in a high school that was not the one he was used to in the last year and a half; and at the same time, he felt at  _home._ He would return to live in his old neighborhood, he would go to Beacon Hills Public School again, after living three years in Los Angeles, where he attended middle school, and after attending Devenford Prep for almost two years. Almost, until ... well, until is happened what is happened. 

He looked around carefully, the hundreds of people crowding the courtyard, making excitedly small talks. Probably some of his old elementary school mates were among them. But anyway, who would remember him? Who would remember the oversensitive kid, quiet and nerdy that the most  _'cool'_ kid of the class used to fool? He hoped not to meet any of those guys, honestly... 

He tightened his grip on the shoulder strap of his shoulder bag as he swallowed at the thought. Especially, he hoped not to meet  _him_ . The boy who had been the torment of his elementary years, the boy who had made his school life a literal hell, the boy who was most likely the cause of his social anxiety. His therapist - yes, he had a therapist - said it was normal to be in awe of people. But his was not awe, his was pure terror. To find himself in front of someone who made him feel wrong, inadequate,  _different -_ as  _that kid_ had made him feel for years, and with him all his stupid friends.

 

**6 years before - Fourth grade**

 

Liam was sitting in his usual front row seat, in front of the desk. Not for nothing, but it was his only way to be sure he saw the board. He had to do it since that idiot Raeken had broken his glasses by crushing them under his feet. He hadn't even apologized. He never did it anyway. For some reason he always picked on him. Yet he did not remember ever doing anything bad to him. Obviously Liam hadn't told his mother anything about the glasses. He didn't want her to get angry. So now he insisted on squinting every day to be able to make out the thick lettering on the blackboard.

 

That morning, he sat in his place with a happy smile. He grabbed the bag from the floor and pulled out the comic book he had hidden there that morning. His father had given it to him the previous night, before boarding a taxi to the airport, and he had not yet had time to read it. He held it tight before opening it, it sounded stupid, probably, and it was impossible, but he could almost swear it had his dad’s smell on. He almost never saw him. His mother had explained to him that his father was like a real superhero, going to places where people were sick, to treat them and make them feel good. So, while he was pulling the comic down, admiring the flashy cover in which Superman rescued a woman, he imagined with pride that that was what his dad was doing right now.

 

He didn't even have time to open it, that a shadow over him made him look up. "Hey  _Dumbar_ " He met green eyes, shining with amusement, which matched the grin on Theo Raeken's lips, the most hateful kid in the world.

Liam immediately blushed "My name is Du _n-_ bar, not Dumbar!" He said faintly, avoiding looking at him.

"How did you say, sorry? I can't hear you from up here” he said in reply, with a hand on his right ear and an even bigger grin.

_Idiot, you heard me very well. You will be three inches taller than me_ , he thought frustrated, but all he did was blush even more and he remained silent, tightening his grip on his comic. Theo shifted his gaze from his face to his hands, and before he could notice it- "What do you have there,  _Dumbar_ ?" - he snatched the comic from his hands.

"Ah!" This time Liam jumped to his feet, reaching out to take it back, while Theo, laughing, raised it more and more over his head.  _Okay, maybe it was more than three inches._ "Give it back to me, that’s mine!"

Theo laughed again "Oh then you can talk" he said, using his other hand to keep him away, as he lowered the comics to look at it. "What is this rubbish?" He exclaimed with a grimace. "Superman. Do you still read these things for babies?” He had done it on purpose to shout, now everyone in the class was watching them. Someone was giggling, and Liam was redder than ever. He stopped trying to take it back, lowering his head to look at his feet. He just wanted to dig a hole and hide in it. "It's not new, Dumbar, there's no need to be ashamed, we all already know you're a loser" Theo said, flipping through the pages, with a gentle tone that didn't match at all with his words and his grin. "Right guys?" He shouted louder looking around. Everyone laughed, someone nodded. Liam felt the tears burning on the sides of his eyes, about to fall. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and took a breath. He just wanted Theo to give him back the comic book his father had given him. He didn't have to make him angry, answering him back, or it would be ended up again like for glasses.

So he raised his head slowly, looking at him shyly. He just hoped his eyes weren't as red as he feared they were, and his lip wasn't shaking like he imagined it was doing. "Please, could you just give me my comic back?" He asked in a low voice.

Theo seemed taken aback for a moment, at least his grin was gone. He stared at him for a few seconds before raising the comic book in his direction. "Do you care so much?" He asked seriously.

Liam nodded hesitantly, surprised by the boy's tone. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he wasn't as bad as he seemed. Perhaps even Theo Raeken had a heart deep down ... Then Theo's lips tilted back into another grimace. "Well then go and get it" It was the only thing he said before he threw the comic down from the open window.

"No!" Liam exclaimed, wide-eyed before rushing to the window, only to see the comics slowly fall into one of the puddles in the courtyard. Everyone behind him laughed, Theo louder than the others. "So, won’t you go and get it back?" he heard him say, but ignored him, bending over the windowsill, watching his father's gift, finally let a tear fall.

 

**Present - tenth grade**

 

"Oh my god, Liam, it’s you?"

Liam winced, returning to reality. He turned abruptly towards the voice that had yelled his name. Yelled, yes. Someone was now looking at them curiously. Liam's eyes widened in embarrassment, before pointing the boy who was looking at him with a smile on his face. He walked a few steps "Yeah, it's you, do you remember me?"

"Uh .. uh-uh" he muttered, taken aback. "Mason, right?"

"Yes, God, how much you've changed! It's intense, I almost didn't recognize you! What are you doing here? I thought ... you went to Los Angeles, I think?" Mason came all the way, putting a hand on his shoulder when he realized he had been recognized.

"Uh .. yes, that is, no- I went there, but- I came back- yeah, in short-" he stammered.

Mason chuckled "Okay, maybe you haven't changed that much" he joked. Liam blushed, but Mason continued as if nothing had happened "Since when did you enroll?"

"Well since... today, actually" he said nervously.

He remembered Mason. He had moved to Beacon Hills in their fifth grade. He had been one of his few friends. At least he had never teased him. Then he had moved to Los Angeles and never met again. "I'm glad you're here" he said with a smile. He seemed genuinely happy, so Liam returned his smile. "Um, me too"

"Come on, do you want me to lead you to the office?"

Liam looked relieved. He already feared that he would be lost. And he would be late to class from day one. "Um yes, maybe ... thank you"

They walked towards the school, entering from the main entrance and moving quickly between the corridors. Mason began to blab about the teachers and lessons. He was saying something about the strict biology professor, Pinch or something like that, when he suddenly stopped in front of a door. "Here we are, I'll wait for you, so I'll take you to class. I wouldn't want you to get lost.”

Liam smiled at him extremely grateful. This boy was a gift from heaven. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. "Okay thanks"

 

When Liam came out with his note for the teacher, his schedule and a sheet with the locker number and its password, Mason looked disappointed that they didn't have many lessons together.

"Okay, now you have econ with the coach" he read.

"Coach?" Liam asked confused.

"Yes, lacrosse coach. It's Finstock, but we all call him Coach" he explained. "You play lacrosse?"

Liam shook his head.  _Let alone_ . He and sport were two poles apart.

"You should try, you do certainly have the body. Our team is not great. My boyfriend is the goalie” he communicated with nonchalance.

Liam looked at him in amazement. "Really?" Then he stopped, maybe did it sound offensive? "I mean - not that it's weird, it's ... okay, it's cool -I mean-" Mason chuckled. 

"Don’t worry, it's everyone's reaction" He shrugged. 

Liam blushed. "No, I mean- uhm- I am too - that is-" he took a breath "I'm bi" then concluded.

"Well good to know" Mason winked at him. Liam let out a little laugh. It was nice to see someone talking quietly and cheerfully about it. He was not ashamed of what he was, but he knew from experience that people know how to be pretty mean and mischievous. So he usually never talked about it, or at least not with strangers or almost-not-strangers, in this case.

"Here we go." Mason stopped in front of a classroom, the door open, an excited buzz coming from inside. "If you want, can we have lunch together? Meet Corey - my boyfriend - Nolan, Alec ... the others" he offered. Liam nodded, smiling. "Yeah, of course, thank you"

"Of course, man, see you later" Mason patted him on the back and gave him a smile, before walking away.

 

Liam turned to the class, taking a deep breath and finally entering. He immediately marched to the desk, where he placed the principal’s note, and then turned to look for a place, careful not to meet anyone's eyes. Finally he opted for a seat in the middle row, next to the window. When he was seated, he arranged his schedule and the sheet with his locker number in his bag’s pocket and took out his notebook. When the bell rang, he heard everyone move around him, taking a seat, while the last latecomers came through the door. He was looking for the pen bent in the bag, when someone slammed hard the door making him to look up. The man whistled as he approached the desk, a pile of papers in his hand, but still standing. "So, you little shits, listen to me." Liam looked at him wide-eyed.  _Was he serious?_ "I know you won't care at all, but the school will make a collection of used items next week to donate to the children of the city's orphanage. I know you spoil Daddy's kids probably don't even know what that means, but I want each of you to give something. And write a nice note that makes your coach want to tear his eyes away for the thrill. And yes, that will be half of your final grade, so see what to do." He dropped a stack of papers on every first desk of the first row. "Pass behind, return the forms signed by your parents tomorrow" he said, as the front of the line began to obey. "Parents, Greenberg. You are not smart enough for me to think that you are even the least emancipated.” Then he turned to sit at the desk.

 

Liam was sure he had never heard a professor speak like this in all his life. Or any person, actually. Surely this coach was something else. When the girl in front of him handed him the two remaining sheets, he placed one on his desk, and turned in his chair to give the last one to the person sitting behind him. When Liam laid the sheet on the boy's desk, intent on watching what surely was his cell phone hidden on his legs, he raised his head. And Liam found himself looking at the greenest eyes he had ever seen. Or he had already seen them .... The guy looked at him for two seconds before he starred his eyes. And Liam imitated him when he recognized him.  _No way .._

"You-" he snapped. Liam paled, turning abruptly with his back to him. He clenched his fists on his lap, his eyes closed.  _It is not possible. It is not possible. It can't really be him. What did I do wrong to-?_

 

"Dunbar!" The teacher’s booming voice startled him. Liam's head snapped up towards him. He could feel Theo Raeken's eyes on him. He hadn't lost sight of him even for a moment.

"Y-yeah?" He replied, his heart beating like crazy.  _It is not possible. It is not possible._

"Oh there you are. So from today we have a new student" he communicated cheerfully to the class. Liam looked around nervously, a smile on his face that probably came out more like a grimace. "I hope it's better than you losers" the coach muttered, rolling his eyes. "Now let's get started - who wants to give Mr. Dunbar a summary of our program so far?"

Liam cringed in his chair. He didn't know if it was because of the insults that probably everyone was throwing at him right now, or because of Theo's eyes that he still felt on the back of his neck, but at that moment he just wanted to disappear.  _It is not possible._

 

_*_

 

When the bell rang, Liam hurried to throw all his belongings into his bag and stood up, scratching the chair on the floor. Theo looked up at him at the noise "Ah- Hey Du-" Liam quickened his pace quickly disappearing into the crowd, before Theo had time to say or do anything else.

 

"Liam!" When he heard someone calling him, he jumped.  _Did everyone really remember him? It was almost scary_ . He turned to the girl who had called him, and he had almost an heart attack, when she reached him after a run. That ... was Hayden? The girl panting gave him a smile "Of course you can run uh?" 

"Uh - sorry, I just don’t want to get lost" he stammered, blushing.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to - you know, to say hi, I didn't recognize you until coach said your name, it's ... cool that you're back"

"Uhm thank you, also for me ... I guess, it's all a bit ... overwhelming"

Hayden chuckled. "Yes I can imagine. Well then I think I’ll see you around. Maybe one day you will tell me where you have been for these 6 years"

Liam laughed in turn "Yes okay"

"Bye Liam" she greeted him cheerfully, before overcoming him and stepping away.

_Yes okay, Dunbar? Didn't you think of anything better to say?_ Liam groaned, slapping a hand over his face. Man, he had a massive crush on Hayden in elementary school. Well, as much as a crush a boy of ten could have. But he liked her.. Yeah, until Theo had messed everything up.

 

**5 years earlier - Fifth grade**

 

"If you like her, you should tell her" Mason said cheerfully as they sat at lunch.

"You make it easy" Liam muttered dejected, glancing at the table where Hayden and Tracy were sitting, a few meters from them. "I wouldn't even know what to say to her"

"You can always write her a card" Mason suggested with a shrug.

"A card?"

"Uhuh then we'll secretly put it in her locker!" exclaimed Mason excitedly. "It will be so cool!"

"I don't know, and if she tells me she doesn't like me?" Liam asked hesitantly, playing with his food instead of eating it.

Mason rolled his eyes "You cry and you deal with it, that's what my father always says" He took a bite of the sandwich. Liam smiled at his best friend. "You're really weird"

"Ouch" he said dramatically, feigning a blow to his heart. Liam laughed even more. Mason did the same. "And you are really much prettier when you laugh, Liam" He picked up his sandwich "Stop with that long face and be brave!"

"You know what?" He exclaimed suddenly. "Maybe I'll do it, I'll write a real letter to Hayden, like the ones my dad writes to Mom." He smiled at the thought. "But you will help me" he pleaded. Mason laughed "Of course, what are friends for?"

 

*

 

He wrote the letter. He had spent most of the afternoon there, but was satisfied with the result. He would put it in Hayden's locker, hoping for the best.

"Hey Li" Mason whispered from the row next to his, as they waited for the lesson to begin. Liam looked up at him. "Will you let me read it first?"

Liam blushed. "Mason, what do you say? It's personal!"

"But I'm your  _best_ friend" he whined. How dramatic he was.

"Uh okay" Liam rolled his eyes, bending over his backpack to take it, unaware of Theo's eyes that had followed their talk from the last desk since the beginning. When Liam reached out to pass it to Mason, with a sprint to make the best runner jealous, Theo grabbed it in the air, already laughing. Liam looked up at him. "Hey give it back!" He exclaimed, paling already.

"Oh my- what is it? A love letter, Dumbar?" He exclaimed, just too much amused. Everyone turned to look at him curiously. Mason also stood up. "Theo, this is not funny, give it back to him!"

"Shut up, Hewitt" Theo snapped, annoyed.

"It's not yours, it's not about you" Mason insisted.

"But we're all curious now, aren't we?" Theo said, his voice full of mischief, looking around. He jumped on the desk with two jumps "Who wants to know what Dunbar wrote to ..." Theo turned the envelope to read. "-to  _Hayden_ ? Seriously?” Everyone laughed. Someone shouted "Read, read!"

Liam seemed about to catch fire, while everyone turned to Hayden, also embarrassed and almost on the verge of running away.

"Theo, that's enough!" Mason desperately glanced at Liam who seemed completely paralyzed. He started to walk towards Theo, but someone grabbed him by the arm "Stop it, Hewitt!" Josh, one of Theo's little group, warned him. "Come on, Theo, read!" He laughed then.

Theo cleared his throat dramatically, still standing on the desk.  _"Dear Hayden"_ he began to read, making a deep voice " _I didn't know how to tell you, I'm not good with words ..._ Really, Dumbar, that wasn’t clear yet-" he snorted, someone chuckled " _so I decided to write you this letter. I like you so much, you are always so nice to me and you never tease me, you always stand up for me..._ who is the man of the two?"

"Theo-" Mason snapped. Liam just wanted to disappear. He didn't have the guts to look up from the ground.

" _-You are the prettiest girl I have ever met, and I wish you would become my girlfriend. I like you - Liam Dunbar"_ Theo's tone was getting more and more sour, word after word. As he read Liam's signature, he jumped off the desk and walked over to Hayden's desk where she was sitting, completely red and embarrassed. He pulled the letter on her desk. "So, yes or no?" Hayden looked at the letter for two seconds, before running away, out of the classroom without a word. Tracy shook her head at Theo, before following her.

At that moment the bell rang, and everyone returned to their seats. Mason tugged his arm and Josh let him go with a grin, while Theo walked over to Liam, placing a hand on his shoulder. Liam didn't even look up. "Apparently the answer is no, Dumbar" he commented, before giggling to his seat. Mason followed him with a stunned look, and then looked at a petrified Liam. And he couldn't help wondering - _why?_

 

**Present - tenth grade**

 

Everything went smoothly until lunch. Fortunately he didn't share any other lessons with Theo, nor with Hayden. Only rethinking of that day of five years ago had made him want again to bury himself. As he reached the cafeteria, he took out his cell phone. His mother had texted him, telling him that she and Paul had started the moving. And she had sent him the position of Paul's house where he had to join them for dinner.

He put the phone back in his pocket as he followed the line for lunch. "Uh-uh Liam!" He heard Mason call him from a nearby table. He turned to look at him, and saw that he was shaking a hand in his direction. Liam smiled at him and nodded.

When he had lunch, he marched to his table. "Hi," he muttered hesitantly when he saw the other three boys sitting with him.

"Hey!" "Hi," they all greeted cheerfully. The curly boy closest to him made room for him and he sat down.

"Guys, he's Liam, I told you about him. Liam, they're Alec - he pointed to the curly hair guy sitting next to him - Nolan - the boy next to Alec beckoned him - and this is Corey, my boyfriend" Corey held up a hand.

"Nice to meet you guys, thanks for letting me sit with you"

"Imagine, man" Nolan said slightly.

"So... this first day?" Mason asked curiously.

Liam shrugged. "So-so"

"Mhh" Mason muttered thoughtfully. "You ... did you meet any of our... old classmates?"

Liam pursed his lips and lowered his head to his plate "I had econ with Hayden .. and Theo"

"That blows eh"

"Why?" Alec asked with a mouthful

"Nah nothing, but Theo wasn't exactly likeable in elementary school" Mason said shortly

"Well he isn't even now" Nolan rolled his eyes.

"Corey and Nolan are in the lacrosse team, Theo is the captain" Mason explained to Liam.

"He's an asshole" Corey muttered. And they were the first words he said. Liam couldn't agree more.

"What about Hayden?" Mason said mischievously.

Liam blushed but rolled his eyes "Please, Mason, it's been five years"

"Well, maybe now she forgot about  _that_ story"

"I don't think it's possible to forget about it"

"What story?" Said Corey.

"Ah let it go" Mason snorted.

Liam distracted himself from the conversation as he reached for the water bottle and opened it. After he drank, he looked around. His gaze met Theo's by chance, immediately averting his eyes. When he dared to look again, he found out that the boy was still looking at him, a half grin on his face. His neck prickled at the sight. Then he noticed Hayden and another girl approaching the table where Theo was and sitting down, chatting animatedly. Hayden said something to her friend and then looked around, making eye contact with Liam. She smiled at him and raised her hand in a greeting. Liam replied awkwardly before returning to looking his table neighbors.

 

Hayden meanwhile had turned to Tracy beside her, whispering something and chuckling under Theo's watchful eyes.

 

*

 

Liam got off at the stop that according to Google Maps was the closest to Paul's house. The school bus took almost half an hour, and when he got off he had to walk another 10 minutes. Great, he would have certainly missed it the next day! When Google Maps signaled that he had arrived at his destination, Liam stopped, scanning the beautiful house from the sidewalk. It looked like the classic 90s TV series house. Only the white fence was missing. As he started down the driveway, he noticed that there were two cars parked in the garage next door.  _So Paul's son certainly has more than 16 years._ He thought. His mother had just told him that he was around the same age as him. Actually t had seemed suspicious that his mother had not been informed about this in advance. But what reason did she have to keep it from him? Liam shook his head, to push the thought away, and walked to the door. He swallowed nervously. 

He had seen Paul only in photos, and once in the distance. His mother, despite having been dating him for almost two years, had never introduced them. Probably because she didn't want that maybe he would become attached to someone who could have come out of his life soon.

He held it together and knocked,taking then half a step backwards 

"I’m comin’!" Said a muffled and energetic voice over the door, but strangely familiar. When the door opened, Liam looked up to look at the boy in front of him, stunned. The other boy also looked shocked. "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked, eyes wide.

"I - I could ask you the same thing" Liam stammered 

Theo rolled his eyes "I live here, Dumbar"

"It's Dunbar!" He snapped with a glare.

"Yeah as you please" he replied with a grin.

 

"Hey then you know each other like we imagined" A man's voice exclaimed, before Paul appeared with his mum beside him. "What do you mean?" Theo asked, the voice charged of what appeared to be anxiety. "Theo, that’s my son, Liam-" Jenna said, smiling. 

The two boys looked at each other upset over their parents. "No way" Liam muttered between his teeth.

"When we found out that you were the same age and that you were definitely going to school together, we thought about not to tell you anything and make you a surprise" Paul said eagerly.

Liam forced a smile. "Yeah, what a great surprise" he muttered sarcastically. Paul took him by the shoulders and pushed him inside. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Liam, your mum always speaks about you. I am sure we will get along very well."

"Uhm - yeah?" he stammered, then met his mother's radiant expression. And he returned Paul's smile, looking at him. "Definitely."

"Theo?" Paul looked at him expectantly. 

Theo seemed literally shocked "You know, I'd like to say I'll go to my room tonight, but I don't think that's the answer you want to hear ... so, yeah whatever you say" he rolled his eyes. Liam snorted at his pedantic tone.

"Stop being an idiot and let's go" his father muttered cheerfully, before disappearing with Jenna in the living room.

Theo shifted his gaze to Liam, who summoned all his braveness not to lower his eyes. Then Theo smiled sardonically. “Well maybe it will be fun,  _little brother_ ”

  


TO BE CONTINUED!

  
  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a playlist for this story, with a bunch of songs that remind me of Thiam: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6xuRTdHvTubv5D07DtBeBn?si=uSkOamqiSl632KA7pRQ2SA


	2. Something you can't fix

If someone had said at his 9-year-old self that one day he would be at dinner with none other than Theo Raeken, with their parents flirting lovingly from one side of the table to the other, passing dishes and laughing of this and that, he would certainly have gladly offered to pay them a consultation at Eichen House. Maybe the whole stay.

Theo seemed to be of the same opinion. Sitting in front of Liam, he was silent, his eyebrows frowning all evening, to the point that Liam thought they would get stuck in that expression for good.

Liam kept his gaze firmly on the plate from which he was eating, keeping his mouth busy with large mouthfuls, hoping they wouldn't involve him in the conversation. He dared just once to look up at the boy in front of him, noticing how he had barely touched his food, rather playing with his fork.

Liam thought he had got the lowest point of embarrassing and uncomfortable situations in his short life, of which many included Theo actually, but this reached completely new levels. At one point even Paul and Jenna had to notice it, because they glanced at each other, the smile of their last exchange of words that faded slightly.

"So" she cleared her throat, looking first at Liam then Theo "How was school?"

Liam looked up at her, and shrugged. Theo didn't even answer. His mother looked eagerly waiting, and Liam took a deep breath. He knew how much his mother wanted this thing to work. He would do anything to make her happy. "It was good, I ... met Mason, you know ... do you remember him?" He replied nervously

"Uh sure, he was such a lovely boy" she exclaimed with a smile. Theo made a sound somewhere between a snort and a choke. Liam ignored him, but saw the glare that Paul gave him.

"Yeah, he invited me at lunch with him and introduced me to his friends, he was kind" Liam answered quietly. He knew his mother was as worried as he was about the new school, and seeing the relief in her eyes was enough for Liam to classify today's as a good day. And this led him to continue. "Even Hayden ... remembered me. She's in my economy class, and she stopped to greet me in the hallway" he added shyly, looking back at his food.

"Ohh, Hayden, yeah. You know ... Liam had a massive crush on that little girl in elementary school, he kept blabbering about her all the time!" His mother chuckled, turning to Paul. Liam blushed at the memory. Paul chuckled too, glancing at Theo. "Boys..." He shook his head fondly "Even Theo always blabbered about ... who was that? I don't remember the name now, he was so nag-”

Theo let go his fork with perhaps too much force, making it clink on the plate. "What if I get the cake?" He said, standing up without even waiting for an answer. "I'll take it for a yes" he grumbled, before disappearing into the kitchen. Paul chuckled, meeting Jenna's eyes. "Hit a nerve, apparently" he whispered, amused. "Maybe Liam knows-"

Liam's eyes widened, feeling called into question. "Um, actually-" he stammered.

"He doesn't know" Theo said sharply, returning to the kitchen with an ice cream cake he placed in front of Jenna, before returning to his seat. "Me and him ... we weren't such close friends" He looked at Liam with a raised eyebrow as if to challenge him to say otherwise. Liam snorted internally. Because that was the understatement of the century.  _Not such close friends._ He and Theo Raeken … he didn't even know how to describe what they were. And 'friends' wasn't even on the list. But he nodded. "Yeah... let's say ... we had ... different interests" he muttered, wringing his hands secretly in his lap.

"Well they said that this is the key to the best of friendships" Paul said. Theo snorted mockingly. Paul glared at him before clearing his throat. "Why don't you start by showing Liam the house ... -his room?"

Theo looked at him deadpan. "His room is full of boxes and bags, and he doesn't have a bed" he remarked.

"In fact, he will sleep in yours."

Both boys stared " _What_ ?" Theo exclaimed

"Um-I, I- I can sleep on the couch" Liam hastened to murmur, glancing at the sofa in the corner of the room.

"See? He can sleep on the couch" Theo repeated eagerly

"Absolutely not, let alone if I let you sleep on that couch, when Theo has a perfectly working bed in his room" Paul shook his head, smiling at him. "It will just be for a few days. The movers will just have to move your room here, fortunately, and they called this morning saying they will do it in the week" he reassured him.

"I'm sure it'll be fun, honey" Jenna exclaimed happily. "You always liked sleepovers" Liam wanted to disappear. None of this could have been fun, and he would never have called a bed next to Theo Raeken  _working_ . He was almost sure he wouldn't sleep at all that night.

"Fine" Theo snapped sourly as he stood up. He looked at him. Liam looked back almost in terror. "So, shall we go?" And he left without waiting for him. "Don't eat all the cake" he snapped from the stairs. Liam looked briefly at his mother, almost looking for support, and she gave him a big encouraging smile. Liam got up slowly, resigned, taking a breath as he followed Theo upstairs.

 

*

 

"This is the hallway" Theo spoke in a bored, annoyed voice, pointing the obvious. He could see that it was the hallway. "There is my dad's room ... and your mother's room." He pointed to the room to the far right. "That's your room there." He pointed to the next door. Then he turned to the left. "This is the bathroom, or rather  _our_ bathroom. Dad has his own in the room" Then he walked to the next door and opened it. "This is my room. Tour is over" Theo threw himself on his bed "Rule number one" he said, raising a finger "Don't touch my stuff. Rule number two, when you have your perfect room, mine will be off-limits, above all if you are dying. Rule number three- don't talk to me" Liam really felt welcomed.

He rolled his eyes before looking around warily. It was a neat, surprisingly, very bare room. Apart from the bridge closet, with the bed underneath, there was only a desk and a tv in the corner. Liam's eyes returned to Theo, still lying and busy with his cell phone.

"Where should I sleep?" He ventured to ask. Theo looked at him, a raised eyebrow. "What's wrong with the floor?"

Liam closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Then he pulled out his cell phone, sitting down with his legs crossed on the floor. After a few seconds, he felt Theo's eyes on him, but he didn't look at him. Then Theo snorted angrily, getting up and bending to pull the big drawer under his bed. "Take off" he said sharply as he pulled the bed out completely. Then he climbed onto his bed to open a closet door and pulled Liam a shirt and some pants. Liam barely grabbed them, looking bewildered. "I have ... my stuff" he reminded him, taken aback.

"Yeah, scattered in dozens of boxes and bags. If you want to go and look for them and spend the night like this, go ahead" 

"Uhm - well then ... thanks" Liam said unconvinced. Theo studied him for a second. Then he let out an irritated breath, giving him his back to go back to his bed. "If you want to take a shower, go ahead. There are clean towels in the bathroom.”

“Okay” Liam stood still for a moment, his hands tightening around the clothes Theo had thrown at him. He pursed his lips, giving himself courage. "I- umh-" Theo stopped before reaching the bed and turned to him. Liam took a breath. "I know this sucks. I know you hate me and I'm probably the last person you would have thought to see here tonight ... and it’s fine, I'd rather be somewhere else too, but I want this to work ... for my mum. I am willing to endure everything, even having you as a brother, if this means she’s happy. So don't do anything that could hurt her-" Liam tightened his grip even more, finally raising his eyes to meet Theo’s. He had a determined expression, although his voice trembled slightly, his cheeks flushed. "-because in this case, this time, I will not stand by in silence"

Liam had a quick flicker of Theo's grin, before big hands grabbed his arms pushing him against the wall. The blow made him gasp slightly, and when he could reopen his eyes, he met Theo's a few inches from his face, his hands still holding him against the wall. "Really,  _Dumbar_ ?" He snorted amused. "And what will you do? I'd really like to see it.” Liam watched him, his eyes wide and his face even more red. Theo chuckled mockingly. "You didn't change at all" he added sourly. "But about one thing you're right, I hate you and I'm not interested in making this  _work_ . Not that it will last anyway. And as far as I'm concerned-” Theo's face got even closer. Liam held his breath. "-I will never consider you a  _brother_ " 

He let him go at once, and turned to go back to the bed. Liam stood for a moment against the wall, motionless in that position, his eyes wide open staring where Theo used to be. He just roused himself when he heard footsteps climbing the stairs. "Liam, Theo ... so, do you want this cake?" His mother called. Liam swallowed, before throwing the clothes he still had in his hand on ‘his’ bed, and leaving the room quickly. He hated all this. He hated himself for not being able to react. For not having been able to do it in the past. For not being able to do it now. And above all he  _fucking_ hated Theo Raeken.

 

*

 

As he had expected, he slept badly that night, too aware of the other boy's presence less than half a meter from him. He slipped in and out of sleep repeatedly, bad memories crowding his mind to the point that at a certain point he wondered if he was dreaming of them or if he was just overthinking. Bad memories that made him even less inclined to let himself go to sleep, almost fearing what Theo could do to him if he had caught him helpless for a moment.

Like that time when he had pushed him into a fountain during a school trip in front of hundreds of people, or when during a cross-country race he had double-crossed him, breaking his foot, or when he had locked him in the janitor's closet for three hours, or when he had brought his collection of stickers to school to exchange them with Mason, to find them hours later scattered in the school pool (he hadn't seen him do it, but he knew it was Theo’s doing), or when he was trying to pick these stickers up, bent over the edge of the pool, and Theo had pushed him from behind, almost causing him to drown because obviously he could not swim (Thanks God Mason took swimming lessons) or when - in short, you get the picture.

Liam wondered how he would survive that way until he graduated. It was two and a half years away. And at that moment they seemed like an eternity.

To distract himself, he took his phone. His eyes wandered over notifications of unread texts. They were over 20. He swallowed. He knew they were there, and he knew most of them had to be from Stiles. But he didn't have the guts to look at them. He didn't have the guts to talk to him. He was afraid to feel anger, contempt or disapproval in his voice. He was afraid to feel the  _pain_ in his voice. He was afraid, so he avoided him. Running away. To the point that he had preferred to change schools.

He swallowed, blocking his cell phone again, when a notification arrived. He smiled when he saw it was a friend request from Mason. He accepted quickly, and his smile widened when Mason wrote to him right away.

 

_Yay, we're friends now dude, see you tomorrow at school?_

 

Liam quickly answered _Sure (:_

 

_Great, 'night Dunbar_

 

_' night Hewitt_

 

Liam finally blocked the phone and with a smile, turned in bed, trying to get some sleep.

 

*

 

In the morning he woke up when he felt something soft hit his head. He opened his eyes abruptly, raising his head. The pillow they had pulled at him, slipped down and he met Theo's gaze, sitting on his bed, his hair messy and his eyes sleepy, staring at him with a grin that appeared more like a confused smile.

"You're hard to wake up, Dumbar" he commented."You better hurry or I'll leave you here." He jumped out of his bed, and Liam followed him with his eyes, still-sleepy, but not enough not to be shocked. "Do you want to give me a ride?"

"If you prefer to take the bus, go ahead" Theo just said sharply as he left."By the way, you snore"

Liam blushed, sinking his head back into the pillow.

 

*

 

When they were in the pick-up Theo, the silence invaded the car, crushing, heavy and embarrassing. But Theo continued to drive, staring in front of him and Liam watched the view outside his window. At least until Theo stopped abruptly to the side of the road. Liam looked around confused. It didn't seem like they had arrived.

"Why did you stop?"

"Get out"

Liam watched him for a few seconds, in disbelief " _What_ ?"

"I said get out"

"Are you kidding?" 

"I look like someone who’s kidding?" Theo rolled his eyes. "I don't want the whole school to see us coming together. They will get the wrong idea"

Liam could not avoid blushing, but kept eye contact, responding to him annoyed. "So you’re leaving me in the middle of a road?"

Theo rolled his eyes again "Don't be dramatic, Dunbar, it will be about half miles away"

Liam snorted angrily before violently opening the door. He slammed away with his bag over his shoulder. Theo bent over with a sardonic smile to see him through the open passenger side window. "See you always here at the end of the day" he shouted, the teasing tone. Liam turned to give him a dirty look as he moved away. "Fuck you" he muttered between his teeth.

 

*

 

Liam arrived late. When he stepped into the main entrance, the bell was ringing. His schedule said that he had to be at the history class, so he cursed internally, as he set off in search of the right classroom.

When he entered, Professor Harris was already there. Liam froze in the doorway, under his stern gaze. "Good to see you want to join us, Mr ..." he left hanging. He heard someone giggle in the background. "Dunbar" he replied, his cheeks already on fire, feeling everybody's eyes on him.

"Welcome to our school, Mr. Dunbar, but learn to be more punctual next time. Now sit down.” Liam nodded, taking a quick look at the class to find a place. He stopped. Obviously, who could have been chuckling of his misfortunes? Just him. And the only free place was the one next to him. Theo met his eyes defiantly, almost as if he didn't believe he would have the guts to sit next to him.

"Do you plan to sit down, Mr. Dunbar?" Harris urged him annoyed.

"Um, ye-yes ..." He gave in, starting to walk towards the desk shared with Theo, when a beautiful girl slipped from the close seat in the one next to Theo. Theo looked at her, taken aback, as she cheerfully waved to Liam, pointing to his old place. It was at that moment that Liam recognized Tracy, and turning to the next desk, he noticed Hayden smiling at him. Liam, more relieved, smiled back by taking a seat. Theo just glared at them before snapping up his textbook.

 

*

 

"So Hayden invited you to lunch?" Mason repeated cheerfully.

Liam nodded. "Yeah, I mean, she told me- if I wanted to sit with her, it's not an  _invitation_ "

"It is" Corey said, as they walked through the hallway towards their lockers.

"Uhm Corey is right "

"You just say it because he's your boyfriend" Liam joked.

"Perhaps, he use  _very_ convincing arguments" Mason chuckled, to which Corey rolled his eyes.

Liam laughed as he stopped, opening his locker

"But you know that-" Mason's tone changed, making him to turn to him "-probably also Theo will be there"

"What?" Liam asked, suddenly restless.

"Um, you know- he's kinda dating Tracy, so-"

"He's not dating Tracy, he’s  _fucking_ Tracy, it's different" Corey commented sourly. "I seriously doubt that Theo Raeken is capable of developing romantic feelings towards someone"

"Well, but he'll be there" Mason turned to Liam "You know, I don't think you need to worry so much about him" he added reassuringly. "Of course, Theo is an asshole, he's a poser, he thinks to be the king of this school just because he is the popular captain of the lacrosse team" Mason rolled his eyes "-but he has calmed down since you left. Really. Let's say he became a more mature asshole. I hope he is enough to not fall into the old routine"

"Mason told me about you two" Corey intruded. "I honestly don't know how you could stand him without smashing his face."

Liam shifted uncomfortably on the spot. Then Corey smiled at him. "If he bothers you, know that you are not alone"

Mason nodded "Yes, dude, we all got your back. Even if he will probably tear us apart, we will fight him together" he joked. Liam laughed.

 

*

 

Hayden had told him during one of the last classes that she would wait for him outside the cafeteria, and she did so. When they had taken their lunch, they set off in search of a table, until they heard someone calling them cheerfully. They turned to meet Tracy, who waved from a nearby table. "Hey guys" she greeted them as they sat down.

"Hi" Liam greeted her shyly.

"I feared we should have eaten standing" Hayden said looking at her relieved. She giggled before focusing on Liam.

"So Liam ... What's it like being back in Beacon Hills? You were in Los Angeles right? How I envy you!" she said dreamily.

"Um, yeah, but I returned to Beacon Hills last year."

"Really?" Hayden asked in surprise.

"Yes, I attended Devenford last year"

"Why did you change school?" Tracy asked slightly.

Liam fidgeted nervously. It was a subject he didn't like to face. He was about to open his mouth, looking for a way to dismiss the question, when someone distracted them.

For the first time, Theo Raeken had been useful at least. He and another boy slipped next to Tracy and Hayden respectively. "Guys, what a crazy line, what does a man have to do to get his food?" The boy complained dramatically.

"Man? I don't see any man here" Tracy said sarcastically.

"Fuck you, Stewart"

"Very mature, Josh" Hayden commented. Liam winced at the name, turning to look at him. So there was also Josh. Looking at him well, he  had changed not much.

He too met his gaze. "And who is he?" He asked curiously, tugging a fry in his mouth.

"Who is he, you ask?" Tracy said chuckling. "It's Liam"

"Liam .."

"Liam Dunbar, you idiot"

Josh froze with a fry close to his lips, his mouth half open to form an O. He looked from Theo to Liam, then back to Theo, that was sitting, feigning indifference, even there was a slight tension barely visible on his shoulders.

"Oh my God, seriously?" Josh looked at him, a smile spreading across his lips. "Damn it, I would never have recognized you, Dunbar" he laughed. "How much time has passed? Five years?" Josh turned to Theo "My God you remember when-?"

"Shut up you idiot" Theo snapped shutting him up. Liam looked up at him, almost surprised.

"Uh okay, stay calm, dude" Josh snorted raising his hands in surrender before returning to his fries

"Shall we talk about anything else okay?" Hayden interjected in an encouraging attempt, turning to look at Liam sitting to his right . Liam looked at her, and gave her a grateful smile.

Theo shifted his gaze from Liam to Hayden several times, before commenting, perhaps a little too loudly "How's your boyfriend, Hayden?" He asked, smiling indifferently, stealing a fry from Josh "I haven’t seen him around in a while"

Hayden tensed, and Liam lost a beat.  _So Hayden had a boyfriend ..._ "He’s fine, Theo"

"Is he still in junior high?" Theo tilted his head, with a grin. 

Hayden blushed, and Liam looked at her in confusion. "Yes Theo" she replied acidly. "Like the last time you asked me"

"Theo, stop being an asshole" Tracy rolled her eyes, as if she wasn't seeing anything new.

"I think it's impossible" Josh commented from his corner. "I've always said it, asshole must have been his middle name. Did you ever think about changing it?" Josh said cheerfully

"Shut up Josh"

"Are you okay?" Liam whispered to Hayden.

She looked at him. "Yeah" She gave a shrug. "I stopped caring about what Theo says years ago"

"Look, I hear you"

"Good. Fuck you, did you hear that?"

Theo snorted angrily. Liam's lips twitched into a smile. He wished he had Hayden's nerve. He probably wouldn't be in that mess now.

Theo spun around to look at him, his lips clenched. "Do you think it’s funny, Dunbar?" Liam winced, raising his head towards him, the memory of Theo slamming him violently into the wall still fresh. Theo made a mocking sound. "Don't you feel pathetic to stay here five years later still hoping that the same girl will look at you? What are you going to do, will you write another love letter?"

Liam blushed furiously, but he didn't have time to talk that Hayden got to her feet, the chair squeaking hard on the floor. "You're such an idiot" This time there was no joy or amusement in Hayden's voice. "When will you grow up?" Hayden took her bag and placed a hand on Liam's shoulder "Let's go, Liam. Tracy, I'll see you after school”

Tracy nodded weakly.

When Hayden and Liam disappeared from the cafeteria, Tracy turned to Theo, bewildered. "What's the matter with you? Was it really necessary?"

Theo ignored her shamelessly. Tracy snorted angrily, before getting up and storming out too.

"Don't say anything" Theo just said to Josh.

"I won't say anything," he said seriously. "But I thought you got past that"

Theo remained silent a few seconds uneasily "I thought it too"

 

*

 

Theo wasn't surprised to find that Liam wasn't where he told him to meet him. However, he waited a few minutes before leaving for home.

When he entered the front door, he headed straight for the stairs, used to the fact that at that hour no one was ever home, since his father worked until evening. So when someone called his name, he jumped, stopping in the middle of the stairs. He turned to meet Jenna. The woman smiled at him from the living room threshold. "Hi, Theo dear ... Is Liam not with you?" She asked looking around. So Liam hadn't come home yet. Theo felt a touch of guilt looking at her. "I ... I didn't see him, he's probably ... with Mason"  _Or Hayden_

"Well then I'll call him soon. Do you want to have a snack? I made a cake" she said cheerfully, her eyes hopeful.

"A cake?" Theo asked, as if he had never heard such a thing.

"Yeah, you don't like sweets, maybe?"

"Uh-no, yes- I like them." Theo went down the stairs again, following her into the living room. He sat at the table, waiting, until Jenna returned with a slice of cake and two coffees. He placed them in front of him, holding a cup for herself.

"How was school?"

"Well, I guess- as usual" he replied, teasing the cake with his spoon, giving a shrug.

Jenna seemed to hesitate for a moment before leaning forward on the table. "Listen, may I ask you ... a favor?"

Theo looked at her with his eyebrows raised in a questioning look. "What kind of favor?" He asked hesitantly.

"It's about Liam. I - I'm a little worried about him. He never told me, but I think he was often picked on at school, or something like that... he's so private, he never talks about himself, and he's so kind" Jenna smiled at the last adjective "It is probably easy for him to become a target." Theo felt again a wave of guilt sweep over him as he looked away from the woman. "There was ... an accident at his last school, and I don't want it to happen again." 

"What kind of accident?" Theo asked uncertainly.

"I think it's up to Liam to tell you" Jenna said ruefully. "But I would like you to keep an eye on him, uhm -give him a hand"

"I ..." Theo swallowed "I don't think I'm the right person for this" He then met Jenna's worried look "But I'll try" he surrendered with a shrug.

Jenna smiled at him "Thanks, Theo" She finished her coffee and then struggled to her feet. "Well, I'll go back to unpacking. Finish the cake, please" And walked away with a gentle smile.

 

Once he had eaten, Theo walked towards his room. He turned to Liam's room where he could hear Jenna's movements opening the various boxes. He paused, then sighed, throwing the backpack on the ground at the top of the stairs and opening slowly the door, stopping at the threshold. Jenna turned around. "Do you need any help?"

"Oh darling - you don't have to, if you don't want to, probably you have to study-"

"Actually, no - I have nothing to do" Theo said reaching for her and taking the cutter from the ground to open a new box.

"Uh thanks then" she smiled back at work.

Theo focused on his work to distract himself, taking out various ornaments and various frames. He stopped to look at one that showed a little Liam, probably he was just 7 years old, hugging a man. Both laughed happily. Theo guessed it must be his dad. He put the frame on the ground with the others, and went back to rummaging in the box, taking out some books. He looked at them one by one, laying them down on the ground each time, until he stopped, recognizing one.

It was not a book. It was a comics. It was wrinkled and muddy. It was impossible not to recognize it. Theo looked at it speechless.

He heard Jenna approach. "Oh be careful with that" she laughed fondly. "Liam cares so much. It was a gift from his father" Theo lost a beat "He dropped it in a puddle by playing, it was the only time I saw him really cry" she concluded with a sad smile. Theo looked back at the comic book in his hands, suddenly feeling dizzy.

 

*

 

When Liam came home that night, he found his mum busy in the kitchen. He greeted her quickly before rushing to the room. Apparently Theo had not yet returned. It was almost a relief. He put his backpack on the ground, and thought of taking a shower in the meantime. He noticed that his mother had piled some of his clothes in a corner. He picked up a shirt and pants before jumping into the bathroom.

 

When he returned, his hair still wet, and his new clothes on, he found Theo sitting at the desk in front of a laptop. The boy looked up to look at him, but Liam ignored him, pointing to the bed.

Ignoring him was probably the best thing.  _I stopped caring about what Theo says years ago_

Hayden was right. The only thing he could do was not giving him importance.

 

He heard Theo get up and move closer, and this made him reluctantly look up. Theo said nothing, but handed him a red plastic bag. Liam looked at it suspiciously without taking it. "What is that?"

Theo ran a hand over his hair, breathing out "Listen, I'm sorry for what happened before" he said reluctantly.

"Excuse me?" Liam asked, bewildered.

"You heard me, you idiot." Liam raised an eyebrow. Theo breathed out again angrily. "I'm sorry for what I said, and I'm sorry for last night. Your mum is a good person, and my father is happy ... like he hasn't been for years. I want it to work too. So just accept this, Dunbar."

"What is that?" Liam repeated more calmly, standing up and holding out his hand.

"A peace offering"

Liam looked at him doubtfully, before slipping a hand into the bag. What he pulled out made him miss a beat. It was the same copy of the comic that his father had given him years before, the same one Theo had ruined. Liam watched it with wide eyes.

"Is this your solution?" Liam asked faintly.

Theo shrugged. "I can't go back in time, but I can fix what can be fixed"

"Fix?" Liam hissed "Do you think this is something you can  _fix_ ? Do you think this is enough-? "

"It's just a comic, Dunbar-"

"No it's  _not_ !" Liam shouted, feeling really angry for the first time. "It never was,  _nothing_ never was! You just don't understand- it's not something you can simply replace, it's not enough to apologize!" Theo winced, taking a half step back. Liam seemed to have lost control "When you crushed my  _stupid_ glasses under your feet, you crushed whatever confidence I could have in myself! When you read my  _stupid_ letter in front of everyone, you actually made fun of my feelings! When you threw this  _stupid_ comics into the mud, it's like you've thrown a piece of my dad out of the window! And when you kept calling me  _Dumbar_ , it was like I was repeatedly remembered that I was too  _stupid_ to do anything! So, you think this is something you can fix?!" Liam took a breath, his vision who blurred "The answer is no, nothing, nothing ... of what you’ll do or say ... will give me back all that!"

And under Theo's shocked eyes, Liam turned on his heel and slammed the door behind him.

  


TO BE CONTINUED

  
 


	3. If you let me...

 

When Liam disappeared, slamming the door behind him, Theo stood looking at the closed door for a few seconds, before having the guts to follow him, at least to the landing. From there he looked helplessly as Liam darted past his mother, who had just appeared from the kitchen door, a rag still in her hand, and a confused expression. Liam also slammed the main door behind him, a thud that rang in Theo's ears like a cannon shot.

Jenna looked at the door, then slowly looked up at Theo. "What happened?" she asked weakly, flustered. Theo swallowed a couple of times, a lump in his throat that didn't seem to want to disappear. He stood again looking at the closed door, a ringing in his ears that seemed to cover everything else. It took a while to realize that Jenna had actually asked for something, and that perhaps she deserved an explanation. An explanation he could not give.  _Do you think that’s something you can fix?_ No, nothing he would have done, would have erased from his mind the expression of pain on Liam's face as he shouted to him the bitter truth that he had always kept silent about as a child. Truth that probably would not even have understood at the time. After all, he was just a stupid and haughty kid who didn't know what he was doing.  _Nothing ... of what you will do or say ... will give me back all that!_ Theo raised his face to meet Jenna's still upset one, and he felt his eyes burn, a knot that closed up his throat making it hard to breathe, let alone talk.

"I'm sorry" was all he said, before turning to his room, the echo of the door slammed by Liam that still echoed in his ears.

 

*

 

He didn't know where he was going. He just knew he wanted to get away from there. He felt dizzy, and short of breath, which had nothing to do with the race he had done to get away from home. He stopped only when he was several blocks away, motionless, standing on the side of the road. Liam took a deep breath trying to calm his heartbeat. He felt tears wet his cheeks and raised his right hand to dry them angrily. As the anger dissipated, the shame made its way in the form of memories, flashes, of what he had shouted to Theo. He felt the blush spreaded on his face, a burning hot feeling inside his face and chest, as if someone had lighted a fire under his skin. He buried his face in his hands, letting go a frustrated groan.  _I can't believe I actually did it._ He knew he couldn't go back now. So he started walking, more slowly, more calmly, but still aimlessly.

Liam never got angry. His therapist said that being ashamed of his anger was another feature of his social anxiety. He often wondered why he wasn't able to break free, give vent to all the anger that flooded his brain, to curse, scream and crush objects, like everyone else, instead of keeping everything inside. He had often asked himself, especially as a child, while he stayed motionless to bear Theo's cruelty. Maybe it was because he preferred that everything look at his place even when it wasn't. Because he hated that deep, sudden and unpleasant sense of nudity, of feeling exposed, undressed, unmasked that always follows an outburst of anger. Because anger is a way to expose one's weaknesses, one's weak points, to others. He had read somewhere that to really get to know someone, you have to find out what makes him angry. And it was true. But Liam hated who he was, so he hated getting angry. And he hated doing it now right in front of Theo Raeken of all people.

Without realizing it, he found himself at the gate of the old playground, where his mother always carried him as a child. He stood for a moment, looking at the old rusted gate closed by a large padlock. Then, without further delay, he climbed, one hand at a time, one leg at a time, jumping and landing with a thud on the muddy ground. No one would find him there. And that was all he could ask for now.

 

*

 

"I'm worried" Jenna said, anguish in her voice, as she pushed her cell phone away from her ear for the umpteenth time, placing it on the table. Paul put his hand on her shoulder, standing behind her.

"I'm sure he's fine, he'll have gone for a walk, to clear his mind... he'll be back soon" he told her, trying to be as reassuring as possible. But the tension in his shoulders and his clenched lips said more.

"I don't understand what happened" Jenne lowered her voice, as if she feared Theo could hear her. As if Theo were not at the top of the stairs, sitting on the last step, listening to them in secret. "Everything seemed okay this afternoon. Maybe it's my fault-" The panic crept more and more into her voice "Maybe I was wrong- we were wrong, the boys-"

Theo pushed himself to his feet and down the stairs quickly. "It's not your fault" he muttered, appearing at the door.

Paul looked at him in exasperation. "What the hell happened, Theo?" He hissed.

"It's not your fault, you have nothing to do with it, it's something about me and Liam." Theo held up a hand to them, his voice flustered but strong.

"Do you think we can't be satisfied with this? We are your parents, you are supposed to get along to make things work, or at least  _try_ . It's only been two days, and one of you is already running out of the house slamming the door behind him, we can't just-" Paul replied, frustrated.

"I'll fix it. I will fix it.” Theo stepped into the room, reaching for the car key resting on the TV cabinet. Jenna put her hand to her forehead, and Paul tightened his grip on her shoulder. "What do you want to do now?" He asked, sounding exhausted.

"I'm going to look for him, and I'll bring him back home" Theo declared, not looking at them again and rushing out of the house.

 

*

 

Huddled in the small cottage at the top of the slide, his back against the wooden plank, and his knees clenched to his chest, Liam listened to the silence, his thoughts and the fast  _thump thump_ of his own heart as the only company. The sky was dark, as if it were still unsure whether to let it rain or not, and it was really starting to get cold. He had only come out with a light shirt, and his hair was still wet from the shower. He shivered, clutching his knees even more, as if he could draw some heat.

His mother was undoubtedly worried. On the spur of the moment, he hadn't even taken his cell phone. He had no idea how much time had passed. Maybe minutes, maybe hours. But he didn't want to come back again. And see Theo again.  _Theo_ . What will Theo be doing now? Will it be in their room, laughing at him, at his outburst and how pathetic he must have sounded? Has his mother asked him any questions about that? Did Theo tell him the truth? His heart skipped a beat: his mother didn't have to find out. It would have ruined everything.

 

He thought of the comic. Theo had bought it for him. Now, having overcome the initial shock of finding it suddenly in front of him, he could clearly see the other boy's good intentions. Maybe it was really Theo's way to apologize for what he had done. Start over, replacing something damaged with something completely new. Do it all over again. The problem was that Theo ignored the extent of the damage he had caused to him. It was something for which that single gesture would not have been enough. It would not have been enough to fix that single piece, because the damage was so extensive, so varied, and on so many parts of him that at that point it didn't even know if anything would ever be enough to turn back whole.

Liam sighed again distressed, trembling, squeezing even more.

 

"Really, you haven't changed at all"

Theo's voice from nowhere made him jump on the spot. He loosened his grip on his knees to be able to turn. Stunned, he met through the spaces between the side boards of the wood house, Theo’s tense and serious face, standing under him, a few steps away from the slide.

"What are you doing here?" Liam asked, his voice full of surprise and something that sounded like desperation. "How did you find me?"

Theo shrugged at the question. "You always used to hide up there when we were playing here when we were kids and someone was bothering you or making fun of you." He took another step forward, his hands in his sweatshirt pocket, but he never looked away from him. "You probably thought that no one would see you cry hidden there, but ... you were wrong. I see you.”

Liam turned to hide his face, and raised his hand again to wipe his eyes with anger. "I guess that by ‘someone’ you mean ‘you’." he said bitterly, staring at a point in the distance in front of him.

"It wasn't just me" Theo said slowly, as if that made a big difference. He took another step.

"You were the starter.  _Always_ ." Liam pursed his lips, finally finding the guts to look back at the boy below him, a sort of silent fury in his eyes. "And I never knew why. What the hell did I ever do to you to deserve such a thing?"

Theo for the first time looked down, swinging on his feet, as if looking for the right words. "I was a kid and I was stupid" he said finally, looking back at him, his eyebrows furrowed in a guilty expression. "Sometimes I still am." Theo shrugged. "I'm sorry, about the comic-"

"I already told you that-"

"It was not my intention to replace it. I know I can't. I was hoping to be able to compensate for what I've done in the past, but maybe you're right, I can't. Just like I can't go back in time and change things. If I could I would. All I can do is apologize. And try to do better from now on ... if you'll... let me.”

Liam stayed silent, his eyes stuck in Theo's. Then he looked down, as if in surrender. Theo took another step forward "Can I get on?" He asked hesitantly.

"It's a public place, you can do whatever you want" Liam said sharply.

"Not now"

Liam looked at him again, carefully. Then he shrugged with a sigh "Get on"

Theo's shoulders relaxed visibly, his lips tilted in a small smile, while with a jump, he climbed onto the small building. Liam followed him skeptically, frowning as Theo leaped inside. "Seriously? Couldn’t you use the stairs?” Liam huffed, while Theo let himself fall a few feet away from him.

"Where's the fun in this?" Theo gave him an attempt to smile.

Liam looked at him again, before looking away, a faint blush making its way to his face at the memory of his outburst. "I'm sorry, that I yelled at you like that" he said weakly.

"Don't apologize, you idiot." Theo said hashly  "I deserved it, -far from it... maybe you should have knocked me down and punched me. It would have been the least." Liam looked at him shocked, as if only the idea terrified him. "I'm serious"

Liam shook his head, letting an amused snort escape him. "Well I'll remember that for the future."

Theo also smiled, pulling back with his back until he rested completely against the cold wooden surface. They remained silent for a while, their heads tilted upwards, lost in observing the starry sky visible beyond the fence around them.

 

"You know" Theo said after a while "Maybe we should come back, your mom was pretty worried. And my father really seemed to want to punch me"

"You ... did you tell... did you tell them about this?"

Theo shook his head. "No, I couldn’t do it. And then I thought you didn't want her to know, otherwise you'd talk to her about me years ago."

"Really?" Liam asked, surprised.

Theo nodded. Then he sighed. "Before you got home, she asked me to take care of you. She was afraid someone might bother you and picked on you ... " Theo gave a snort full of bitterness. "If only she knew ... she'd probably hate me too" Theo bowed his head.

Liam followed his movement. "I don't hate you" he said slowly.

Theo laughed skeptically. "I already told you that you shouldn't make me feel better, you should yell at me and beat me-"

"I don't hate you" Liam repeated more firmly. "I hate the way you made me feel all these years. I hate the fact that I never managed to defend myself or react. I hate never knowing what to say. I hate those bad memories. But I don't hate you. You were a kid, and we all do stupid things when we’re kids, right? I was too. I was a coward, and probably still I am. But maybe now we can be different. Both of us. If we leave this story behind, maybe I'll be stronger and you ... "

"Less of a jerk?" Theo suggested 

"You took the words right out of my mouth" Liam's lips tilted into a genuine smile, and Theo's eyes lingered on his face as he laughed too.

 

They sank back into silence, this time less tense. They listened to the crickets singing in the night, while the clouds that covered the sky slowly ran away. Then Theo took a deep breath. "What if we go back home now?" He got up, tentatively holding out a hand to Liam, who looked at it uncertainly before nodding. "Let's go home"

  


*

 

As soon as Theo opened the front door, Jenna rushed into the hallway, throwing herself into Liam's arms and squeezing him into a crushing hug. Theo met Paul's gaze, who had followed her slowly. The man beckoned to him, giving him a smile, which Theo returned weakly.

"I was so worried, honey! Never do something like that again" Jenna exclaimed, giving him one last squeeze before walking away, her hands still on Liam's shoulders, studying him carefully as if searching for some visible wound.

"I'm sorry, mom, I just- needed ... to be a little alone" Liam apologized, feeling a grip of guilt weighing on his stomach.

Jenna looked first at him then Theo "What happened?" She asked in anguish.

Theo saw the way Liam had tensed to that question and barged in. "We just - we argued..." he stumbled "-for the shower!" Jenna, Paul and Liam looked at him skeptically.

"Have you ... run away from home ... because of a fight for the shower?" Jenna asked, looking back at Liam almost amused as if she didn't buy a single word.

"It’s a ... nice shower?" Liam tried, widening his eyebrows. Theo snorted, in a vain attempt to hold himself, before bursting out laughing. Jenna looked at them confused, as Paul approached her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You see? Now it seems everything alright” he whispered in her ear as Liam pushed Theo. "Don't laugh, you idiot" he hissed as the other kept laughing. Liam then imitated him, the tension that gradually left them.

 

Maybe it would take time, but it was something they could work on. Something that they could make it work ... for everyone's’ sake

 

*

 

When the alarm under his pillow began to ring, Theo groaned, his face sunk in the pillow, groping for the phone to turn it off. When it was finally silenced, he sighed as he leaned back, his eyes lost in the back of the wardrobe above him.

Liam groaned in his sleep, making Theo's eyes drag over him. Theo turned on his side, a smile that twisted his lips when he met his peaceful expression, his lips parted while he was still sleeping deeply. Man, it was really hard to wake up! He sat up, grabbing the pillow and pulling it again into his face.

Liam jumped startled, grabbing the pillow as he quickly sit. "Wha-" He met Theo's grin. "Stop it, you idiot." Liam snorted, pulling his pillow back. Theo grabbed it, laughing. 

"So - will you drop me halfway also today?" Liam wanted to know, getting up, frowning, not looking at him and stepping towards his clothes piled up in a corner.

"Well, it depends. Do you want everyone to think that you’re hooking up with me?" Theo asked, with a shrug and a calm expression, still sitting comfortably on the bed.

Liam turned to look at him suddenly with wide eyes " _What_ ? Wh-why should someone think such a thing?"

"Well ... because it's me" Theo just replied, turning him a mischievous smile

"Wha-? "Liam frowned, stopping "This would be your way of coming-out to me?" he asked doubtfully and suddenly uncomfortable.

"Well at least now-" Theo jumped up, pointing to the door, heading for the bathroom "-you have something to make fun of me in case you want revenge"

Liam blushed looking away "I couldn't do it" it escaped.

Theo turned to look at him from the door, studying him carefully. Then a grin made its way over his face. "So you too-" He left on hold because Liam's embarrassment at admitting such a thing so easily was pretty clear. "See you downstairs!" Liam raised his voice to prevent him from saying anything else, running between Theo and the half-open door. Theo looked at his retreat with an even bigger smile, shaking his head in his direction.

 

*

 

After covering the last few hundred meters that separated him from school, Liam went to his locker. He had just opened it when he sensed running steps approaching from one side. He leaned forward, meeting a really flustered Mason. "Hayden told me what happened yesterday" he just said, slamming his hand over the locker next to his. Liam gave him a confused expression. "Theo" he added, fervently. "She told me he did it again. That son of a- I swear that now I will give him a piece of my mind-"

"Mason, Mason-calm down- it's everything okay" Liam hastened to stop his invective.

"It's not okay at all, who does he think he is? I-"

"We talked" Liam exclaimed over his voice. Mason looked at him stunned. "Yeah, we ... let's say we sort things out" Liam looked back to his locker for books.

Mason didn't seem to agree at all "Liam, that is not someone you had a fight with or anything like that. He has been  _evil_ with you for years. You come back and he behaves as if he was still ten years old. How do you sort out something like that?"

Liam swallowed, closing the locker with the books in his hand and looking at the boy in front of him. "I know, I will never forget what he did, but ... can’t we try to start again?" Liam tried.

"Why would you want to do something like that? He doesn't deserve a second chance, he deserves  _nothing_ " Mason protested, lowering his voice when other students began to surround them, busy opening their lockers.

Liam sighed in distress. Then he looked around cautiously. "Look, can I tell you something? But you have to promise me that you will keep it between us for now” Mason raised his eyebrows. "You don't even have to tell Corey"

"I can't promise this" Mason said faintly.

"Okay" Liam took him from one shoulder, pulling him away from prying ears. He took a breath. "I came back to Beacon Hills for a reason, actually. My mom ... she’s going to remarry, in a few months."

"Uh it's great-"

"Yesah it is. She is happy now and I want her to continue to be"

"It seems fair, Liam, but I don't understand what-"

"Yesterday we moved to his fiance's house. On trial, waiting for the wedding. And-” Liam took another breath. Still saying it sounded strange even to him. "He is Theo's father"

Silence fell. Mason seemed to take a few seconds to get the thing through. Liam saw him slowly widen his eyes. " _What?_ " he shouted. Several people turned to him.

" _Shh_ I don't want everyone to know about it ahead of time!"

"You're telling me that Theo would be ... what? Your brother now?"

"Step-brother. Or at least we will be when our parents get married"

"Oh my God, this is  _crazy_ "

"Yeah, it is" Liam agreed, rolling his eyes, his shoulders falling back. He looked around frantically again, before returning to Mason. "Look, getting along with Theo is not something I ever wanted to try to do, given what happened in the past. But it's something I  _have to_ do ... for my mum. For Paul. They deserve to be happy, and me and Theo ... we can't just ruin everything ... for ... things that happened when we were kids"

Mason was silent watching him. Now he looked visibly calmer, he probably got Liam's point. "Yeah... I guess it is" he finally murmured. "Whatever - if he just tries to do something again, I swear to God, Liam, that-" he resumed, fervent again.

Liam chuckled. "Yes, I know, you will tear him apart"

"I will  _kill_ him" Mason corrected determined, returning his smile. "Anyway, don't worry, it's a secret I can keep, but do you know that, sooner or later everyone will come to know, don't you?"

Liam shrugged. "Yes I know. I don't really care. But I prefer to wait for the situation to calm down, do you get it?"

"Good" he agreed, then burst out laughing. "Oh my God, I can’t believe that Theo is your brother" Liam pushed him cheerfully, as they began to walk towards their class.

"Step-brother" Liam corrected him again with a snort.

 

*

 

At the end of the school day, Liam was blissfully walking down the now almost empty hallway, heading for the library to meet Mason, when someone thought it was a good idea to kidnap him.

He didn't even have time to make a sound, that a hand wrapped around his wrist, came out of a half-open door, pulling him inside, not even gently. He stood looking at Theo, who closed it behind him cautiously. Liam looked at him shocked. "Are you serious?"

Theo turned to him, rolling his eyes, though there was a slight splash of red on his cheeks. "Okay" Liam sighed. "Why did you kidnap me?"

"Idiot, I didn't kidnap you, don't be dramatic." Theo snapped sourly again. Embarrassment over.

"I wanted to tell you that I have practice, so I won't be able to drive you home"

"Couldn't you tell me in class or in the hallway like any normal person?" Theo didn't answer. But he looked away, his lips clenched in obvious discomfort. Liam studied him. "Why don't you want them to find out we live together?" He asked, narrowing his eyes.

"It's none of your business" Theo replied quickly. "Now I have the go to practice" He dodged him to point to the door.

"Is it because you are embarrassed that it’s me?" Liam shouted after him. Theo froze, turning towards him and meeting Liam’s frowning and clearly waiting expression.

Theo sighed and this time he spoke in a calmer and kinder voice "No Liam, it's not for that. It's none of your business, because this is not about you, so ... just - keep it for yourself." He turned to open the door. "See you at home" he muttered as he left. Surely it was not the right time to tell him that he had given it all out to Mason.

He sighed, and was about to leave when his cell phone rang. He took it out and saw that it was a text from Mason.

 

_Today lacrosse practices, you wanna join me in rooting for Corey? (;_

 

Apparently he wouldn't have to wait to get home to see Theo again.

 

*

 

Liam didn't expect all that flurry in the lacrosse field, just for a practice.

"What are all these people doing here?" He whispered to Mason as he they climbed the stands in search of a place to sit down. Mason rolled his eyes without giving a glance to the dozens of girls, above all, who surrounded them. "Theo" he just said 

"Theo what?"

"You remember when I told you that Theo thought to be the king of this school? Well somebody has to make him believe that" Mason said. "Although he is actually pretty hot, I must admit" then he sighed, as if to admit that costed him a great effort.

At that moment, the crowd of girls began to jump and cackle, causing Liam to startled. He looked up at the field, where Theo was running towards the bench on the sideline, taking off his helmet, the sweat sticking his hair to his forehead in a way anyone else would have looked like a monster. He looked like a model ready for a photo shoot.

Liam lowered his head and looked back at Mason skeptical. "I really don't know what they see in him" he said, as the girls threw another series of excited little cries when Theo spilled the water bottle on his head, shaking himself.  _Showoff,_ Liam thought, as he looked at him.

Theo raised his head, his eyes darting over the crowd, stopping right on him. Liam's heart skipped a beat as he bent his head. _Theo must have thought he was staring at him!_ When he dared to take another look, he saw Theo's smile spread before running away, back to his teammates.

"It's a windbag" Mason said, shaking his head, catching Liam's attention again.

"Uh-uh" he hastened to agree, shifting his gaze to the rest of the team and finally noticing Corey, who was glaring at Theo.

"Corey doesn't like Theo at all, uh" he whispered to Mason.

"Uh, I told you, nobody really likes Theo. Apart from Josh, and maybe Tracy"

"But Corey seems particularly pissed off" he remarked, raising his eyebrows and remembering Corey's words of the day before about Theo.

Mason sighed. "You know, I do not like to say it, but ... Last year, early in the year, there was a small ... flirt ... between him and Theo"

Liam looked stunned "Really?"

"Yeah, in the meaning that Theo just used him. Corey never really forgave him" Mason shrugged "Theo is like that. He doesn't particularly care about anyone, boys and girls, he's someone who likes to have fun ... if you know what I mean"

Liam looked back at the field, his eyes that found Theo, while with a good tackle he knocked down an opponent and shot at goal. "I thought you said he was dating Tracy though, didn't you?"

"It's like Corey said, he’s hooking up with Tracy. It's the most similar thing to a relationship he’s ever had, yeah, but it doesn't mean anything to either of them, probably, otherwise he wouldn't cheat on her and she wouldn't let him get away with it, right?"

"I guess so" Liam said thoughtfully, returning to watch the practice with a frown.

Whatever, not that he cared about what Theo did outside home, what he did with others or why. What he cared about was having a civil relationship with him  _at home_ .

But ...

 

_Nobody really likes Theo_

 

_I stopped caring about what Theo says years ago_

 

_I was a kid and I was stupid. Sometimes I still am._

 

_It's none of your business, because that’s not about you_

 

... he couldn't help wondering if there was something else, if there was a reason behind that behavior that Theo had always had.

  


TO BE CONTINUED

  
  
 


	4. Only the weak cry

It was a quiet, boring Saturday afternoon, and Liam sat at Theo's desk doing his homework, enjoying the uncommon silence in the house since everyone was out. His mom and Paul were out shopping, Mason and Corey would go out on a date, Theo was who knows where, so it's not like he had better things to do.

This until all of sudden the door of the room opened with a  _slam_ to make the frames hanging on the wall tremble. Liam raised his head almost exasperated to scream at Theo to take it a little easy at least, but he met a sight that made him open his eyes wide in shock.

Before him were Theo and Tracy, clinging to each other in a messy kiss, stumbling into the room, before falling into a twisted pile on the bed. Liam watched them horrified, too embarrassed to find something to say or do. That was certainly not something that happened every day.

Probably Tracy felt someone's eyes on her - the well-known woman’s intuition - because while Theo moved to kiss her neck, she turned her head to the side meeting Liam's eyes and assuming his same shocked expression.

 

"Ehm Theo" she mumbled weakly

"Uh?" He mumbled, still caught by her neck.

Tracy moved her hands from Theo's neck to his shoulder to push him away. Theo raised his face to look at her annoyed "What's up?!" he snorted.

When he saw that Tracy was pecking to her side, he followed her gaze. He startled, meeting Liam's eyes, wide open, his face literally on fire. This would’ve been hard to explain.

"What is Liam Dunbar doing in your bedroom?" Tracy asked as calmly as she could managed, looking back at Theo again

"Umm" Theo tried, looking back at her "Just ignore him"

Liam raised an eyebrow stunned.  _Seriously, Theo?_

Tracy seemed on the same page. "Theo!" She exclaimed pushing him back and sitting down.

"Ugh" Theo protested, rolling his eyes, sliding sideways and pulling himself to sit up, carefully avoiding looking at Liam and focusing on the frames on the wall, with a poker face.

"So do you want to explain this?" Tracy asked however, shifting her gaze from one to the other.

"Um, I think I'll go, yeah" Liam said, getting up quickly and aiming for the door with his head down.

"Wait, asshole, you can’t just walk away like that!" Theo protested.

"It's your girlfriend, not mine"

"This is your fault, what the hell are you doing here again?"

"This is my house too, remember-"

"Why are you not around with Mason or who knows who like any other normal person does on Saturday?"

"Excuse me if I had to study" Liam retorted sourly, rolling his eyes.

"Who studies on a Saturday afternoon ?!" Theo narrowed his eyes in his direction, in disbelief.

"Someone who is not an idiot"

"I have my doubts about-"

"Wait, wait-" Tracy exclaimed shutting them up, her eyes moving frantically between one or the other "Do you two  _live together_ ?!" No one answered. "No, this is not even my first question" Tracy looked at them wide-eyed "You two ... are you  _friends_ ?!"

"No" "We are working on it" Liam and Theo said simultaneously.

Theo rolled his eyes. And he looked at her. "Exactly. We're working on it" he added with a grimace.

"Oh my god" Tracy laughed, shaking her head.

"Okay, I'm leaving" Liam decreed, completely red and flinging himself out of the room before Theo could stop him again. He closed the door behind him and rushed downstairs, closing himself in the living room, so as not to listen. Once he was seated on the sofa, he pulled out his cell phone. Then he wrote to his mother.

 

_Out of curiosity, when are the movers coming?_

 

*

 

"Oh my God, this is  _crazy_ " Tracy was still giggling.

Theo's expression, however, was far from amused, he seemed tense, lost, his lips clenched, as he stared at a point faraway beyond the window. "Who would have thought that your father would have remarried  _Liam Dunbar's_ mother of all the people?! Chances were one in a million!”

That seemed to shake Theo, who turned back to her, still sitting by her side. "Look, you must not tell anybody about this, you got me?"

"Seriously? Oh my God, Everyone will go crazy-” Tracy pulled out her phone, as if she really intended to write it to everyone right now. Theo abruptly grabbed the wrist that held her phone. "I'm not kidding Tracy" he added sharply, his expression frowning.

Tracy let out a groan, yanking her hand away. Theo left her, his expression now troubled. “Are you going out of your mind?!” She exclaimed, looking at him with wide eyes. Theo didn't answer, but looked away, biting his lip almost guilty. "What's your problem?" She asked then, bewildered. "Why don't you want it to be known? Theo, people break up and get back together again and again. There's nothing wrong with that" she added, releasing a verse between the exasperated and the amused.

Theo gave an irritated snort, leaping to his feet and starting to walk up and down the room. Tracy followed him with her eyes. "Or maybe it's because it's Liam? Are you ashamed of that?" she asked after a few seconds, suddenly almost disgusted.

"That's not it" Theo hastened to say, whirling towards her, now almost angry. "I wish everyone would stop thinking that! Liam has not part in this!"

"So what?" Tracy exclaimed in exasperation, standing up in turn and spreading her arms. Theo didn't answer again, stubbornly looking out the window again, biting the inside of his cheek almost to the point of hurting himself.

"Is this about your mother?" She then whispered more softly, after seconds that seemed like an eternity. Theo winced as if he had been suddenly stabbed, and Tracy realized she had got it right. "You never talk about her, I didn't even know she and your father-"

"She left!" Theo shouted sharply covering her voice. "There is nothing to say, there is nothing to talk about"

"So that’s the reason? Don't you want people to know that your mother has abando-?"

"That’s enough" Theo snapped, walking toward the door and flinging it open. He stopped, holding it open, and turning to Tracy, still standing in the middle of the room. He looked away. "Now you better go" he said with all the calm he could muster.

"Seriously?" Tracy exclaimed , bewildered. "Are you kicking me out?" Theo didn't answer, keeping looking at the ground and keeping the door open.

Tracy snorted angrily, before reaching to take her bag on the bed and walking to the door. She stopped in front of him, looking at his bent face "Do you know Theo? If you keep pushing people away, sooner or later you will be all alone" And she left.

 

_Everyone leave anyway,_ Theo thought as he closed the door behind her.

  


**Seven years before - third grade**

 

"Daddy, daddy!"

Theo jumped on the couch next to his dad, sitting with his laptop on his lap and his glasses on his nose. The man was so busy typing that he didn't even seem to notice him. At least until Theo placed a sheet of paper in front of him. Paul winced, turning to the child.

"What's this, honey?" He asked with an exasperated smile.

"You have to sign it, daddy. You'll come, right?" Theo exclaimed thrilled, grabbing him by the sleeve and hopping on the spot. Paul picked up the paper, squinting behind the glass to get a better look. "Open Day? What is it?"

"The teacher said it's a day we can bring out parents to school, they can do lessons with us and stay with us all day! I can’t wait! You will come for real?!”

Paul smiled sadly, lowering the paper and ruffling fondly  with his hand Theo's hair. "Honey, I'm sorry, but you know your dad has to work, don't you?"

The smile slowly slipped away from Theo's face. "But can't you not go for once?"

"Honey, you know I can't" Paul shook his head weakly.

"And Mom?" Theo asked, sounding almost desperate, his eyebrows frowning, as if trying to hold back tears.

"Honey-"

"When is she coming back ?! She said she would come back, but so many days have passed, if I call her, she will definitely come."

"Theo" Paul pushed the laptop away, turning to the side and taking Theo by the shoulders. "Listen to me, honey... Your mom ..." Theo looked in anguish at his father's eyes, green and deep as his. "... she will never come back to us"

"No ..." Theo shook his head. "She'll come back!" He added stubbornly, squinting to free himself from tears. He looked at his dad determined, before grabbing his paper and running away.

 

*

An hour later, Theo was turning over uneasy in his bed. He knew it wasn't true. His mom couldn't have left. He couldn't have left them. Theo remembered that day of two weeks ago, sitting secretly at the top of the stairs. He had seen his mum, a big travel bag in hand, coming out of the door. She had done it often, but she had always came back. Every time. Theo knew she would come back. She would come back for him.

 

He put his hands under the pillow, pulling out the folded sheet the teacher had given him that morning. He looked at the empty spaces in which it asked to enter the names of his parents and sighed. Then he slipped awkwardly out of bed, putting the sheet under his pillow as if it were a treasure. And he slipped downstairs. As he walked on tiptoe so as not to disturb his dad who was still working in the studio, he started to go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. When a sudden noise made him stop in his tracks. Were they ... were they sobs?   
Surprised, Theo changed direction as he approached the studio. The door was ajar, and yes, sobs was coming from there. His father ... was he crying?

 

_Only the weak cry. Promise me you'll never cry, honey, can you do that?_

 

Theo spied his father, bent over the armchair, his shoulders trembling as he cried, unable to stop the tears, his face buried in his hands, while his mother's voice repeated to him the words he had heard so often during the years that they had almost become a mantra.

Almost horrified, he turned away from the door and stepped the living room. He grabbed a chair and held it in front the telephone. He climbed up to be able to get there and opened the phone book that his father kept there with all the important numbers. His mother's was easy to find. It had always been the first on the list. Theo dialed it, taking the receiver to his ear with a trembling hand. She would come. She would come, she would answer and she would run to them ...

 

The phone beeped.  _Sorry, the number you called is non-existent._

 

Theo nearly dropped the receiver on the ground.  _Non-existent ... non-existent ..._

 

_... she will never come back to us_

 

_She's gone._

 

_Non-existent._

 

Theo jumped out of the chair and ran to his room. He hid under the covers, his father's sobs still ringing in his head.  _Don't cry, only the weak cry, Theo_

 

_She will not come back._

 

_Non-existent..._

  


**Present - tenth grade**

 

Liam waited almost thirty minutes after he heard Tracy slam the door behind her. He wanted to give Theo time to process that. He knew how petty he could be, especially when he was already upset. Only when he thought it was safe he did go back to their room. He entered quietly, noticing Theo sitting on his bed, headphones on his ears and eyes closed as he returned to his homework.

 

Theo heard Liam stepping in the room. He closed his eyes focusing on the music that echoed in his ears, to avoid further uncomfortable conversations. They had already been enough for a day. After a few minutes he dared to open an eye to check, and saw Liam writing something. Probably his stupid homework. Seriously, who studies on a Saturday afternoon? He was deciding whether to tease him about it and go back to his usual routine, when Liam turned in his swivel chair, pulling a paper ball into his lap. Theo snapped off guard, then looking at him with wide eyes, while with one hand he picked it up. He took off his headphones while Liam finished the turn on himself stopping back to the desk.

"What is this?" Theo asked confused, opening the ball when he noticed something was written.

"My phone number" Liam replied. Theo looked at the note even more confused, seeing that yeah, actually, there was written a telephone number. "You know, so you won't have to kidnap me whenever you have to tell me something. And you can warn me when I don't have to be at home. You know, I would never want to witness such a thing again” he added hesitantly, returning to look at him.

"Pff, and I thought you were going to stay there and watch if Tracy hadn't noticed you" Theo grinned, watching as Liam blushed.

"You know, I'll add 'stunting my growth' to the list of traumas you caused me" he muttered back

"I think that was stopped years ago" Theo said with an even bigger grin

Liam looked at him deadpan "Do you know, that truce thing should presume no insults?"

"I can't stop being me" he replied quietly, returning to put headphones on.

"I guess not" Liam replied, shaking his head.

 

They fell again in a quiet silence. Liam resumed reading, but he noticed out of the corner of his eyes Theo that carefully saved his number on his cell phone.

 

*

 

On that Monday the movers finally managed to deliver Liam's room, and so he quickly passed the following week between his mother, forcing him into an intense cleaning of the room, and Theo pretending to help him store things, when actually he took advantage of that to idle and laugh at every single photo or old toy he found.   
In the meantime, he had often gone out with Mason and the other boys, every now and then he also had lunch with Hayden and Tracy, who apparently Theo had asked to keep the secret, because the girl acted as if she didn't know anything, and certainly she didn't seem to have talked to anyone about it, not even Hayden.

Mason was still the person with whom Liam had particularly bonded. Apart from Theo, of course, even if Liam still found it difficult to figure their strange relationship and give it a name.  _Mutual tolerance_ , Mason had called it one day when they were sitting in the cafeteria. Perhaps it was the definition that came closest to it.

 

"And what about Hayden?" Mason asked as he, Liam and Corey stood at the foot of his bed, in front of their rough favorite game, a bowl of chips and a bottle of coke in front of them.

"Hayden what?" Liam asked, confused, not taking his eyes off the TV, the flashes of gunfire reflected in his blue eyes, in the shadows of the room.

Mason rolled his eyes. Corey chuckled shaking his head weakly "Come on, she'll drool over you!"

It was Liam's turn to roll his eyes. "Remember that Hayden already has a boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend, exactly. It’s not like she has signed a marriage contract.” Mason winked at him.

Liam snorted. "Yeah, ok, I don't want to be involved in a swirling and scandalous love triangle" he said with a half smile.

"It would be intense" Mason commented with an excited sigh.

"I don't think Gabe would agree with that" Corey commented from his place, pressing violently on the keys, before his player fell under Mason's bullets. Corey cursed, throwing himself back against the bed defeated.

Mason laughed. "I love you, but you suck in this, baby."

Liam chuckled as the game ended. He then turned to Mason sitting to his left. "Is Gabe Hayden's boyfriend?" Mason nodded. "Theo said it's in junior high, is it?" He asked curiously, remembering their disastrous first lunch together.

"Yeah, he repeated a year. Actually, he's only a year younger than us" Corey explained, sitting up again and taking a chip.

"Did he repeat a year?" Liam asked raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah" Mason's eyes widened as he remembered something. "Once in the seventh grade he fought with Theo,  _bad_ . I don't know the reason, but they beat the hell out of each other" he said. "The next day Gabe showed up at school with a knife"

"Really?" Liam said, baffled.

"Yeah, I think Theo still has a scar. I will never forget that day" Mason shook his head at the memory "The teachers, the parents ... made a big mess about that"

"Well, it's the least" Liam commented thoughtfully.

"I wonder what Theo had done to him" Corey rolled his eyes skeptically.

"I don't think it was his fault that time" Mason said, picking up the controller, when the start menu reappeared. "So, do we have another game? Liam?”

Liam started out of his thoughts. "Uhm- yes, let's do another one" Liam grabbed the controller and began to select the various scenarios.

"Hey Li" Mason said a few seconds later, "your phone is ringing" he looked up at the phone vibrating on the floor between them.

"Uh?" Liam muttered distracted

"Who is Stiles?" Mason asked with a smile, looking up at him.

Liam jumped at the name, dropping the controller on his knees and hurriedly grabbing the phone. "No one" he said, quickly bringing the phone close and closing the call, then flipping the phone over the bed. Mason gave him a confused look. "Won't you answer?" He raised his eyebrows.

"No ... no-it's not important" Liam stammered.

"Ah-ah, don't tell me he's your boyfriend?" Mason's expression was amused.

Liam blushed "N-no what do you say ..."

"Ex boyfriend then" Mason sneered

"It's not like that, Mase" Liam hastened to say sharply, looking away and turning back to the TV.

"You can tell us, Li." Mason chuckled again, nudging him. "Is he from your old school?"

"That’s nobody!" Liam snapped angrily. Mason started at the harsh tone. Liam took a half breath, withdrawing guilty. He closed his eyes, calming himself "Sorry - just - I don't want to talk about it"

Mason looked at him worried "Okay, I'm sorry" The boy shared a worried look with Corey over Liam's shoulders, Corey shrugged confused

"I'm sorry" Liam repeated, blushing slightly.

"No ... don't worry, I didn't ... have to push, sorry"

Liam gave a deep sigh. Corey looked at them troubled, before strategically changing the subject "So this game?"

"Uh ... yeah"

"Yeah yeah let's play" Mason agreed quickly

Liam focused on the game, his heart throbbing painfully in his chest, his hands numb around the controller, a weight in the stomach. He could almost still hear the cell phone vibrating behind him. He called himself an idiot, clenching his lips, and increasing his grip on the controller.  _What the hell was he doing?_

 

*

 

When Liam returned at home, he immediately noticed that Paul's car wasn't there. There was only Theo's pickup parked in the driveway. When he entered, he put his house keys on the furniture in the hallway and took a few steps forward. "I’m home?" He said unsure if somebody’s actually listening.

"I noticed, you idiot" Theo's sarcastic voice answered from the kitchen. Liam rolled his eyes as he stepped in to find Theo bent over the books. Liam threw his bag on the ground, giving Theo a single skeptical glance, before passing him to go to the kitchen and get a glass of water. "Where are Mom and Paul?" He asked, returning.

"Restaurant" Theo just said without looking up and flipping frantically through the pages.

"Okay" Liam replied slowly, undecided what to do. Theo uncorked a marker, highlighting everything he read. Liam’s eyes hovered on his hand, where a large scar was pretty clear. That was the one Mason was talking about, for sure. 

"If you have to say something, say it, or otherwise let me study. I'm going crazy here." Theo muttered

"I don't have anything to say." Liam said, lingering a few seconds longer. "What are you studying?" He sat down in the chair next to his. Theo looked at him confused for a moment, as if he didn't understand why he had sat down.

"History. I have a test tomorrow" he went back to the book. Then he seemed to remember something. "Hey you too are in my history class"

"Wow what a good eye" Liam snorted amused.

"Idiot" Theo rolled his eyes. "Why aren't you studying?" 

Liam looked at him, narrowing his eyes. "Do you remember when you laughed at me on Saturday because I was studying?" Theo nodded with a shrug "Good, now I’m the one who laughs"

Theo gave a snort, drew back in his chair and put his hand in his hair. "Okay, smartass" he sighed at last. "Maybe then you can explain to me how it is possible that there was an half man and half bull guy who lived in the middle of a maze in the middle of a town devouring virgins and nobody seemed find it strage?"

Liam snorted amused. "That was just a legend, to scare off enemies and keep them away. There was no Minotaur"

"This is shocking" Theo said, feigning bewilderment. Liam laughed again, this time a real laugh. He looked at Theo shaking weakly his head "You're an idiot" he commented, but there was no bite behind the words. They seemed almost fond, and Theo's heart skipped a beat when Liam's deep blue eyes met his. He cleared his throat, quickly looking away, and approaching the book. "Uh- then, what was the purpose of the maze?" He asked, bringing the discussion back to the initial topic.

"Um it was a decoy." Liam cleared his throat. And he began to explain "They built all those narrow and winding streets around the town... the invaders were lost, they couldn't find a way out, never being able to reach the city and allowing the soldiers to hunt them down-"

Theo stood looking at him, Liam's eyes shined as if he were talking about the most incredible thing in the world, and Theo couldn't look away. His lips tilted in a half smile, while the boy continued to blabbering. Liam stopped, noticing his gaze. He blushed slightly. "What is it?"

Theo shook his head "Nothing, just - I'm impressed"

Liam blushed even more, bowing his head to hide it. Theo's heart skipped another beat.

"I ..." Liam looked at him with a small smile, his cheeks still dusted with red and his eyes bright  "I like history"

 

Theo froze for a moment, words that made their way into his mind overwhelmingly. He had ... a strange sense of deja-vù? As if it were something he once had already heard somewhere...

  


**Seven years before - Third grade**

 

Theo looked from the door at the cheerful group of children accompanied by their parents. Forcing back a frown and with a cold and distant expression, he walked up to his desk, next to Josh's, throwing his backpack down. "Hey T" Josh greeted him with a smile, while his mom was distracted talking to Hayden and Tracy's parents. "Where's your daddy?"

"Work" Theo just said, pulling out his notebooks and pens.

"Uh, yes even my dad couldn't come" Josh murmured sympathetically. Theo looked around and noticed that in fact many parents were there alone. Or there was only the father or just the mother.

Then his eyes fell on the child who always sat in the front row. Theo had never spoken to him. He was barely noticeable. He was always silent, still bent over some book or comic book, hidden behind his thick glasses. He didn't even remember his name. But he, like Theo, was alone. There was no one beside him. And he looked uncomfortable. He was twisting his hands in his lap, occasionally throwing sad glances at the children around him who were talking happily with their parents, showing them satisfied the work they had done during the year. He seemed about to cry. 

Hayden and Tracy approached him, probably noticing that it was alone "Liam, what are you reading?" Tracy asked with a big smile. Liam winced as he looked at them, while Hayden leaned over the desk. "The Vikings?" she read with difficulty.

Liam - so this was his name . nodded trembling, blushing slightly. "Is it good?" Hayden asked again.

"Uh-uh" Liam grumbled. "I -" He looked up, smiling a little "I like history" he said softly. "My dad gave it to me"

"Cool. And won't your dad come today?” Tracy asked curious.   
Liam's eyes filled with tears suddenly, and he bowed his head as he shook his head. Hayden and Tracy shared a full of pity look. "Hey, you can stay with us if you want," Hayden said quickly. Liam sobbed, nodding.

 

Theo felt a wave of disdain.  _Only the weak cry._ There’s no need to cry. He  _wasn't_ like him. He hated the idea that someone could look at him with those pitiful looks. He didn't care. He wouldn't cry just because he was there alone.

 

"Where's your mom, T?" Josh's voice distracted him. Theo looked at him, his expression hard and impassive.

"She won't come"

"I'm sor-"

"I don't care, I'm fine by myself, I don't need any of them" Theo interrupted abruptly, opening his notebook. He glared harshly at Liam, now surrounded by the other children, all suddenly sympathetic.  _I'm not that weak._

 

**Present - tenth grade**

 

“-eo... Are you okay? Theo?”

Theo winced back to reality. "Uh- yeah .. I-I think so"

Liam looked at him almost worried. "Are you sure?"

"Y-yeah ... I'm fine." He brought the book close. "Keep going?" He asked, clearing his throat.

Liam nodded, still watching carefully. Then he looked back at the book and restarted his explanation  "In the end, you know, however, Theseus succeeded in overcoming the maze. The legend says that he succeeded thanks to Ariadne's thread, but even that is a metaphor. It is a poetic way of saying that it was Arianna herself who led him thro... "

 

Theo wasn't sure he was really listening. He had finally remembered. Yes, that was the day. The day when it all started. He remembered it now. He had never associated these two things, probably because he hadn't been able to figured out as a kid. But  _that_ was the day he decided it was easier to attack Liam's being weaker than to come to terms with his. That it was easier to prove that he was strong and self-confident by attacking the one who was not.

Growing up then, picking on Liam had become a routine, to the point of forgetting why it had begun.

 

Theo looked at Liam next to him, who kept talking about history, with a smile on his lips. Now, in hindsight, he understood how stupid he has been, because if there had been a weak there, that was just him. And if one of them had always been strong, maybe that was Liam.

 

TO BE CONTINUED

  
  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo ... we finally found out why Theo had picked on Liam. I wanted to give you the psychological explanation of this in case the reason seemed strange to you. In psychology, it is called projection, which means seeing (and also attacking in this case) in others people, above all what we hate mainly in ourselves.


	5. Someone I can't have

_Better natural or synthetic?_

 

That was the first message ever that Theo received from Liam, and he stared at it for a good minute wondering what the hell his problem was. He was about to text back when Josh called him from the end of the hallway. Theo quickly locked his phone before slipping it into his pocket.

"Hey dude" Josh joined him running with a smile on his face.

"Hey" Theo greeted him, continuing to walk to the locker room to get ready for the lacrosse practice.

"You know, I was talking to the guys at lunch and - this year's usual party at your house for Christmas, right?" Josh exclaimed excitedly. "I've already found a guy who sells alcohol under the table to minors" he added in a whisper.

Theo winced for a moment. He slapped himself mentally. Right,  _the party_ . How could he not have thought about it? It had become some kind of a tradition for some years. Since his father always left for a couple of days with his coworkers for Christmas, and he couldn't bring him with him, Theo got the whole house to himself. After all, Theo was used to looking after himself as a child, since his father was at work almost all day, so there had never been any major problems.

And as kids, they took advantage of it and he and a couple of other friends gathered to play and watch movies all night long. But for a couple of years, their movie nights had turned into big parties.

But this year the situation was different. There was Jenna, and there was Liam.

 

"Um .. I don't know, actually ... maybe my father will stay at home this year. Maybe we can find another place ...?” Actually Theo had heard Paul and Jenna talk about a romantic weekend somewhere in Canada last week, but he wasn't sure of it.

"I thought they were going out of country" Josh said confused.

"I don't think this year ... wait- ‘they’  _who_ ?" Theo asked, looking at him suddenly baffled.

Josh looked at him like he was stupid. "Your father and his woman" he answered, arching his eyebrows with a wily little smile

Theo's eyes widened, turning to look at him so quickly that he probably sprained something. He grabbed him by the shoulder pushing him into a corner between the lockers and the wall. " _You know it?_ " He whispered shocked

"Of course I know, you idiot." Josh rolled his eyes. "Your father sent us the wedding invitations a century ago. By the way-" He wrinkled his eyebrows at him, pretending to be deeply offended "-when were you planning on telling me?"

"I-"

"Maybe your best friend deserved to know that you live with the guy you have a massive crush on since you were ten" Josh said quietly, as he was talking about the weather.

Theo was about to have a heart attack.  _A crush, he, on Liam Dunbar?_ He tightened his grip on Josh’s shoulder before giving him a push. "What the fuck, Josh?"

Josh rolled his eyes again. "You and your obliviousness"

"Listen to me,  _asshole_ , I don’t have ..." He blushed slightly, the words that got stuck in his throat. He lowered his voice by several decibels. "I don't have a  _crush_ on Liam. I didn't have it when I was ten and I definitely don't have it now.” He let a bitter snort. This was  _ridiculous_ . "Where is this bullshit coming from? And how the  _hell_ do you know that I live with him?"

"On the invitations is written the name, you know" Josh reminded him deadpan. "And my mother met his mother, who told her that they will go to the mountains for Christmas" Josh laughed shaking his head. "You are such an idiot, how long were you thinking you could hide it? Theo,  _nobody_ cares." He shrugged carelessly. "And anyway, you can't stop people from tattling." Theo bit the inside of his cheek, his lips clenched, while he looked away from Josh. "Buut, all this brings us back to the fact that your house is free and so ... it’s a party!!"

"Josh, no - maybe it’s better just forget it." Theo sighed, raising a hand to pull back his hair, defeated. "Let’s find somewhere else-"

"Hmm, I think it's  _a little_ late for that" Josh muttered looking at him with a guilty grimace.

"What do you mean?" Theo looked at him, panic rising slowly. His eyes widened. "What the fuck did you do?" He asked slowly, afraid to know.

" _I may_ have already told someone."

"Well, cancel-" Theo snapped angrily.

"Theo!" Theo jumped when Liam, as soon as he appeared at the end of the hallway, rushed towards him, his cell phone in his hand and panting for the race. Theo looked up and down the hallway, looking at him annoyed. "I told you not to talk to me at school" he whispered.

"Too late for that, don't you think?" Liam said ironically, rolling his eyes. At Theo's confused expression, he turned the phone toward him. Theo grabbed him to read, then slowly raising his eyes to Josh, who seemed about to want to flee. "Why is there an event on Facebook that invites the  _whole school_ to the Christmas party at Theo Raeken and Liam Dunbar's house?"

"Um- I think I'll go now, yeah-" Josh pretended indifference

" _Josh_ !" Theo almost growled, punching him on the shoulder.

"I thought no one should know" Liam said amused, crossing his arms.

"It wasn't me!" Josh hastened to exclaim. Theo glared at him. Josh sighed. "Okay, I- I _might_  have told Boyd, who told Isaac, who told Erika ..."

"... who told to the whole school" Liam completed quietly, nodding in agreement

"Liam, shut up"

"Okay" Josh raised his hands, conciliatory. "I know you didn't want people to know about it, for some unknown reason..- I'm sorry, but they would have found it out anyway, right? I mean, the wedding is in seven months.” Theo continued to scowl at him, a frowning expression on his face. "And look, here’s the great part!" Josh's smile widened.

"And what would it that be?" Theo snorted in annoyance.

"We can have the party" the other boy exclaimed raising his hands in an exultation.

Theo was about to punch him. But Liam stopped him. "We will seriously have a party while our parents are not there? This is so cliche." He rolled his eyes, with a little smile on his lips

"Hey, first of all, it's  _my_ party" Theo made it clear, pointing the finger on himself "Not yours"

"I remind you that I live there too" Liam protested, raising an eyebrow. Josh followed their playful banter with a grin.

"Only for three weeks, there's no comparison" 

"Time doesn't count, since I could always rat you out" Liam said petulantly.

"You wouldn't dare" Josh and Theo whispered shocked in chorus. Liam crossed his arms defiantly.

"Okay" Theo muttered with a annoyed snort. Liam would have rejoiced mentally if Theo wasn't suddenly looking at him, with a grin spreading across his face.

Liam looked at him uncertainly. "What is it?" he asked, now scared

"Oh nothing, I was thinking about when you will help me clean up the house after  _our_ party"

Liam gasped, while Theo walks away laughing with Josh "Uh, I hate him" Liam muttered between his teeth.

"By the way," Theo turned around, walking backwards "Synthetic."

Liam looked at him for a moment in confusion, then remembered the text. "You kidding? Who prefers a synthetic tree?"

"Someone who does not want to clean up the mess that a real tree makes!" He shouted as he moved away with Josh.

Liam shook his head "Idiot"

 

*

 

Although Theo had eagerly denied - and kept doing it repeatedly in his head for days - to have even the slightest interest in Liam, he could not deny, since Josh had pointed that out, that he had noticed how often his eyes lingered on the shorter boy. How his eyes found him almost right away as soon as he set foot in a crowded room, how his lips tilted instinctively into a smile when he saw Liam laugh, how he was particularly careful every time Liam talked to him about anything, even the most boring in the world, how his skin tingled when their hands touched by chance when setting down at dinner they passed each other the plates, how he had the need to show off whenever he saw Liam sitting on the stands at the lacrosse field, how his stomach contracted unpleasantly when he saw Liam talking happily with Hayden or even with Mason, aware that he could never ask for more than the polite tolerance that bonded them right now, because Liam would never have considered him more than an unwanted half-brother he necessarily had to get along with. Not just because of everything he had put him through in the past, but because for Liam his mother's happiness and serenity was obviously a priority, and he would never have let anything upset that new-born family. Especially not him.

 

_It makes no sense to chase someone I can't have, someone I shouldn't even want, someone I don't deserve._ He had to stop this strong attraction he felt for the other boy before it was too late, before it became something more. It was what Theo had been repeating for days - perhaps even weeks - he repeated it at home, he repeated it at school, and he repeated it especially now, as he thrusted deep inside the girl beneath him, while Tracy girded his shoulders, scratching his skin and weakly moaning his name. While he kept his lips sealed, so as not to risk saying the wrong name, and his eyes closed, so as not to see that the eyes in front of his were not those deep blue pools that had always attracted him like moths to the light.

 

And when he collapsed on Tracy, exhausted, Theo thought he had never felt so empty, so dirty and unfulfilled as at that time.

 

*

 

"I'm surprised you chose a synthetic tree, honey" his mother commented skeptical, as she and Liam had begun to decorate the big christmas tree that now adorned their living room.

Liam shrugged "Someone pointed out to me that it would be more practical" he just said with a half smile. Jenna snorted in amusement, shaking her head fondly as she bent down to get more decorations from the big box at her feet.

Liam looked at the clock on the wall behind him, before returning to the tree. He had hoped they could decorate the tree all together as a real family. He knew that Paul worked late, but he counted on that at least Theo would join them after his lacrosse practice. Instead the practice had been over for over two hours and still no sign of him. Probably he was with Josh, or with Tracy, if they still saw each other after the last time she left, slamming the door behind her back. Liam had not yet figured out what kind of relationship they had. Not that he cared, sure, as long as he didn't have to witness gross scenes anymore.

 

He shook his head eagerly to get rid of that thought, and reached out to hang a ball on the tree. His mother looked up at him. She studied him carefully, before opening her mouth, as if undecided whether to speak or not. Eventually she opted to do it, because she called him "Hey Li"

Liam turned to her, frowning at her strangely and suddenly tense tone. "What?" He asked.

His mother focused on the decorations as she replied "I ... I talked to Melissa yesterday"

Liam's heart skipped a beat, his body tensed painfully as he held the ball in his hand as if it were the anchor that prevented him to get carried away. He took a shuddering breath "Any news?" He asked, reaching out tentatively to hang the decoration.

Jenna shook her head "There are still no improvements" They fell silent for a few seconds, before Jenna decided to speak again. "Honey, I know it's… it’s hard for you, but ... maybe you should-"

"No" Liam shouted, his voice full of anguish, and maybe a little too loud.

 

Theo who had crossed the front door right at that moment, heard Liam’s loud voice, and he moved slowly towards the living room with a confused expression.

 

"I - I  _can't_ , Mom. I can't do it" Liam said almost desperately.

"You shouldn't take all the guilt on yourself in this way, Li, it’s not-"

"But it is, Mom, it was  _all_ my fault!" Liam sighed in distress, before placing the ball still in his hand on the table. "Sorry, I'm going to my room, I'll end up my part later."

 

Theo winced when he heard Liam's footsteps approaching, but he wasn't fast enough. When Liam crossed the threshold, he found Theo right in front of him, and managed to stop just a few centimeters from him, avoiding hitting him. Theo instinctively took a step back, seeing Liam's shocked look. "Were you eavesdropping?" Liam asked in an incredulous hiss.

"No- no! I ... I just got here..." Theo protested, shaking his head, before stopping to look at him carefully. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, forget it" he just said before he ran up the stairs.

It was enough for Theo to look at the pained expression on Jenna's face to understand that whatever it was, it was something big. He didn't know what it was, but probably that was about that famous incident that happened at Devenford Prep that she had mentioned to him weeks ago, and for which apparently Liam was - or considered himself - responsible.

Theo sighed and took courage. Letting drop his backpack and the lacrosse bag at the bottom of the stairs, he climbed quickly, then headed for Liam's room instead of his. He looked at the door for a moment unsure, before knocking twice. Liam didn't speak for several seconds, but Theo knocked again, not giving up. He heard Liam sigh heavily. "I don't want to talk, mom" he said then, his voice muffled, probably because he was keeping his face against the pillow.

Theo snorted "It's me" he said quietly. Not that this should encourage Liam to open the damn door, because probably the last person he wanted to talk to now was him.

 

Liam turned his head towards the door, confused. "What do you want?" He asked weakly.

"I don't know" Theo answered honestly. He called mentally himself a idiot. "I- just-" he sighed  "I don't know"

Liam snorted, a half smile that tilted his lips. "You have a real way with words." he muttered. "Come on in"

 

Theo's lips tilted in a relieved smile, opening the door, the moment Liam sat up on the bed. Theo's heart skipped a beat, stopping at the door. He was prepared to find a distraught Liam, perhaps with watery eyes, perhaps nervous, and certainly not willing to confide in him, and actually he was like this, but he certainly wasn't prepared to find him sitting on his big bed without his shirt, wet hair on the front, his face still dripping. Theo's gaze lingered on the shirt thrown on the ground further. Theo could almost imagine it, Liam rushing into the room, taking off his shirt with anger, throwing it away, then running to the bathroom throwing water over his face to calm himself. Theo's eyes returned to him, just as with a sigh Liam pulled back the hair that had stuck to his forehead, droplets that spurted away, some that slid down his neck and bare chest. Theo followed one with his gaze, and swallowed. 

Then he mentally shook himself.  _This is not the time for this, Theo. You're here to be a good brother._ He told himself as he walked to the bed, sitting cautiously beside Liam. _You're here to be a moral support, not to fuck him with your eyes. We'll think about your stupid little crush later._

 

"Are you here to comfort me?" Liam asked skeptically, looking at him sideways.

"I don't know, it depends" Theo replied, shrugging.

"It depends on what?" Liam snorted amused.

"It depends on what you want" the other said simply. "We can talk about what upset you, if that's what you need."

Liam looked at him hesitantly, his eyes big, almost struck. "Or?" He urged him tentatively.

"Or we can go back downstairs, and finish decorating our wonderful synthetic tree, for which I will never thank you enough."

Liam laughed slightly, bowing his head, a faint blush on his face. Theo didn't look away from his face, and sighed. "Look" he added serious. "Your mother told me that something happened in your old school." Theo saw Liam startle, and hastened to continue. "But she told me that it was up to you to decide whether to tell me or not, so ... I know that I am certainly not your best friend, but if you are looking for someone who can understand how it feels to do something that you regret or feel guilty about, then maybe I'm the right person."

 

Liam looked at him , his heart picking up at Theo's words, a slightly veiled allusion referring to him hidden in them, before lowering his eyes to the floor again.

It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Theo, in fact he never talked about it with anyone. He changed the subject when his mother mentioned it, he had dodged the subject with Mason, and anyone who asked him why he had changed schools. It was a month that he ignored Stiles's calls to not think about it, as if it was enough to keep the thought away to erase the memory and the weight he carried. No, he wasn't ready to talk about it yet. He knew he was a coward. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t help himself.

Theo seemed to notice his hesitation, because he gave him a playful push on his shoulder to get his attention. Liam's eyes snapped over him. "You don't have to do it now if you don't want to. But whenever you want, I'll be here.” Theo shrugged simply.

Liam nodded, a relieved smile that tilted his lips. "Thanks" he muttered almost stunned. This caring side of Theo was somehow unexpected. Then Theo clapped his hands on his own knees, standing up. "Come on, let's go decorate this tree. I need help, I never did it in all my life!"

Liam looked at him bewildered " _What_ ?! You can’t be serious"

Theo muttered in agreement "Usually I spent Christmas alone or with my grandparents, so-"

"God, we have to catch up then" Liam exclaimed standing up too.

"Good. But maybe ..." Theo's gaze lingered again on his bare chest, biting his bottom lip. "... Do you want- put something on you before you go down?" He suggested, with a grin that he hoped hid his longing. Liam blushed as he realized only at that time that he was not wearing a shirt. "Uhm-yes, r-right"

 

Liam reached the shirt he had pulled away, and slipped in it with a fluid gesture. Theo tried not to look at his muscles that were tensing at the movement. Needless to say, it failed miserably. When Liam's head popped out of the collar of his shirt, he quickly looked away so as not to be caught staring.

"Shall we go?" Liam asked tentatively. Theo nodded. "Lead the way" he told him, stepping aside to let him pass with a wave of his arm.

 

Jenna seemed relieved to see Liam get down quieter with Theo. While the two were focused on the tree, Liam began to instruct Theo on the art of decorating a Christmas tree, showing him which balls were to be placed underneath and which ones above, where the larger ones and where the smaller ones, while Jenna disappeared in the kitchen, then returning with large eggnog cups for everyone. So it was that Paul found them when he returned home from work, all three of them around the now-finished Christmas tree, the cups in his hand and a smile on their face, while casual chatter went on placidly. 

While he joined them cheerfully, Theo could not help but think that although theirs was certainly not a conventional family, it tasted like home in some way. And maybe he, like Liam, wanted, longed, needed that happiness, that stability ... and he would protect it. For once he would not have been selfish, he  _couldn’t_ be selfish, no....

 

TO BE CONTINUED

  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is shorter, I wanted to write the party part in that too, but I realized it would be come out too much long so I decided to split it in two ^__^


	6. You owed me a kiss

The last week before the Christmas break was quite hectic. Tests followed one another, and Liam often spent whole afternoons with Mason and Corey to study together. Sometimes, when they did that at Liam's house, Theo also joined in, smoothly ignoring the dirty looks that Corey threw him across the room, with his usual sneer on his face, as if none of that concerned him. 

Even Mason was no better, even though his looks, rather than angry, were mostly suspicious, or perhaps watchful, as if Theo were a bizarre scientific experiment to be studied with interest. On the other hand, Liam had found himself at the center of a completely different kind of attention. Now he was no longer the "new kid", but the "kid who lives with Raeken", and in the last week he had received a thousand different kinds of glances: envious, suspicious, some of them frightened, amused, and even furious glances. 

 

"I hate people'' Liam said flat, as he waited with his right shoulder against the icy surface of a locker that Mason and Corey got their books 

Mason laughed and Corey shook his head in amusement "Don't beat yourself up too much, it's not for you, it's for Theo" he said then rolling his eyes. Corey closed the locker and Mason and Liam followed him down the hallway "See, the world is divided into people who love Theo Raeken and people who hate him, and now you, whatever the case ... you're in the middle" he concluded quietly. 

"Great" Liam rolled his eyes. If there was one thing he hated, it was to be the center of attention. He hated the feeling of having eyes on him, scrutinizing and judging every his move and word. It made him feel inadequate, the discomfort that crawled like poison and boiled under his skin. He sighed frustrated. "I never thought I would have said that, but Theo was right." 

"Don't think about it'' Mason said cheerfully, hitting him on the shoulder. "You know how these things work, give them a couple of days and they will find something more interesting to gossip about" 

"Yeah, and then the party’s tomorrow. The one thing Theo does best, aside being an asshole, is throwing parties" Corey muttered. 

"Your parents have already left?" Mason asked curious. 

Liam shook his head. "No, they'll leave tonight." Then he bit his lip uncertain. "You know, I feel a little guilty, to have a secret party whil-" 

"Come on!" This time it was Corey who gave him a pat on the other shoulder, with a chuckle "It'll be alright, and then there's nothing better than getting drunk to forget your own problems" 

Liam laughed nervously "I don't know if this is a good ide-" 

"Hey Liam!" Hayden's voice coming from somewhere behind them made them stop. Mason and Corey shared two knowing glances, and Mason nudged Liam lightly. "See you at lunch" he whispered with a smirk. Liam blushed, glaring at both of them. "Stop it" he whispered in their direction as they walked away, giggling. 

When Hayden joined him, Liam looked back at her, suddenly embarrassed. Mason and Corey's ongoing comments made him really all too self-conscious about the girl. 

"Hey" he stammered as he met her yes

She smiled at him. "Hey. Are you going to econ, right?” Liam nodded. "Good, wanna go together?" 

"E-er .. okay, yeah" 

They were silent for a few seconds as they walked down the corridors before Hayden decided to speak. "So ... well..." she started uncertainly. 

Liam gave her an amused look. "You want to ask me about Theo" he guessed. 

Even Hayden snorted a laugh. "Well ... yeah I mean ... it is ... it’s _so_ strange, the idea of you two, together, under the same roof" 

"Yeah tell me about it" Liam shook his head with a smile. 

Hayden then suddenly grabbed the sleeve of his shirt, forcing him to stop and he turned to look at her. Her expression now was strangely more serious, and Liam looked at her questioningly. "He ... he do- doesn't ... _bother you_ , does he?" 

"Um ..." Liam looked at her, unsure "No ... I mean, I think being annoying is something congenital in him, but ... no more than usual , no" 

"Look, I know ... it will seem strange to you to hear it now, though .." Hayden took a breath "I'm sorry" 

"For what?" he asked in surprise 

"Well ..." Hayden shrugged, embarrassed. "Back then I wanted to do more to help you. We were kids, everything often seemed like a game, but I realized only afterwards that it probably wasn't a game for you at all. Theo was _cruel_ to you, and even those like me who stood and watched ... well we were just as bad. I won't make the same mistake twice." 

Liam gave her a grateful smile, a faint blush that spread on his cheeks as he replied "It's okay. You don't have to apologize, I - you couldn't do anything." Hayden was about to protest, but Liam continued more determined. "You were the one who always tried to get me involved, not to make me feel lonely. You were probably the only one who remembered my name first. You've done enough for me, believe me.” 

Hayden smiled at him. “Okay.” Liam smiled back as they started walking again. 

"But the next time that Theo even makes one sarcastic or sour comment, I'll kick him in the balls" she added wryly. 

Liam laughed "You know, I never thought I would have said that, but ... he’s ... he’s _not_ so bad" Hayden looked at him wide-eyed "Yeah, well ... sometimes he can be ... oddly.." He paused thoughtfully. Liam thought back to a few days before, when Theo had offered to listen to him, or when he had followed him in the middle of the night after his outburst. 

_You always used to hide up there when we were playing here when we were kids._ He had never thought that Theo paid him so much attention, or at least, not that _kind_ of attention. He thought of the comic he had given him. When they had made the tree together like a normal family. And everytime they had studied together. _I am impressed._ "... Oddly thoughtful" 

"Thoughtful?" Hayden raised his eyebrows even more "Theo _Raeken_?" 

Liam chuckled at her skeptical tone. "It sounds weird, but yeah" 

"Oh then the real Theo was kidnapped by aliens, for sure" Liam laughed just as they got into the classroom. Hayden went on eagerly "Should we report it to someone?" 

 

Theo looked up from his econ book when he heard Liam laugh. His heart skipped a beat when he saw him laughing carefree with Hayden as they made their way through the desks to their seats. Theo looked away quickly, clenching his fists on his lap with a frustrated sigh, as he tried to stay calm to hold himself back from doing anything stupid as usual.

  
 

* 

  
 

When Theo got back home that evening, his dad was moving their bags downstairs. "Are you leaving now?" He asked quietly. 

"Yeah" Paul looked at his watch nervously. Then he shouted towards the top of the stairs "Jenna, we'll be late, the plane is in two hours!" 

"I’m coming!" The woman shouted, just before appearing with a last bag. "Liam!" She shouted then, making Liam appear from the living room. Liam joined Theo as Paul opened the door. Jenna turned nervous toward the two boys. "So, dinner is in the oven, I left you money in the top drawer of the kitchen in case of emergency, and I left a note with all the numbers to call if something happens, even our hotel’s number, and our tour guide’s" 

"Why do you have your tourist guide number?" Theo asked, evidently baffled by the flow of recommendations. 

"Don't ask" Liam said. 

"Ah, and I also left uncle Peter's number" she said to Liam. 

"I won't call Uncle Peter even if I'm going to die" Liam replied quietly. 

"Good boy" Jenna said with a smile. "Ah, and please, don't stay up late" she added, bending over to get another bag 

"Yeah, mom" Liam rolled his eyes, Theo smiled and shook his head. 

"... Don't eat too much junk food..." 

"For sure!" Theo replied 

Paul's head popped out the door "And no parties" 

Liam's eyes widened. "Party? What party?" He asked nervously, eyes shifting quickly around the room without ever meeting Paul and Jenna's. "There is no party, let alone if-" 

Theo pinched his side without being seen. Liam winced, but at least he fell silent. 

"We won't have a party, dad, you really watch too many movies" Theo said, bored. "Don't you have a plane to take? You'll be late" 

"Right" Jenna said, pushing Paul cheerfully and grabbing the handle to close the door behind her. "Be careful, we love you!" 

"We too" Theo and Liam said together, as the door closed behind them. They stood still for a few seconds, until they heard the car doors slam and the car start. Then Theo turned to Liam, a big grin spreading on his face. Liam looked at him uneasily, as Theo shook his head amused "Remind me never to call you if I ever have to commit a murder" he just said before heading to the living room. 

Liam watched him leave with a frown on his face before following him "Well _in that case_ I think we could call Uncle Peter" 

  
 

* 

  
 

When the bell rang, Theo hastened to open the door. Josh appeared in the doorway with three large boxes of pizza in one hand and two beers in the other. "Come bearing gifts!" He shouted as he got in without waiting for an invitation. He immediately headed for the kitchen, followed by Theo. 

"Are you trying to buy my forgiveness off with pizza and two cheap beers?" He asked quietly, while Josh put their dinner down on the counter. 

"Maybe" he replied with a shrug. 

Theo peered at the pizzas, with a hungry expression. "Did you get the pepper one?" 

"Of course" he replied, handing him a beer. 

"Okay you're forgiven" Theo replied, taking the beer with a grin. 

Josh chuckled, then looked around. "So, where's your little little brother?" 

"Don't call him that." Theo rolled his eyes, annoyed "And he's in the shower" He brought the bottle to his lips, taking a big sip. 

"Interesting" he commented with a smirk, looking up. Theo gave him an unimpressed look, and was kept from responding only by the bell ringing again. "Who is he now?" He moaned. 

"Ah, I get it!" Josh outpaced him, splashing out of the room "It will be the alcohol guy!" 

  
 

A big bearded guy crossed the threshold with a cart carrying a big barrel, just as Theo reached Josh. "Where do I drop this?" The man asked bored, not looking at either one in particular. 

"Uh ... in the living room, I guess" Theo replied. Josh was almost jumping excited on the spot. The man returned to them "I'm going to unload the others" he said before going out. 

Theo turned to Josh, bewildered. " _Others_ ? How much fucking alcohol did you buy?" 

"Uhm ... 30 liters?" 

"30 liters?" Theo whispered-screamed, shocked. 

"Maybe 50" Josh added, drawing back as the man returned with the second barrel. 

"50 liters ?! And let's hear, who will pay for _50 liters_ of illegal alcohol?" 

"Um ... I thought we could ... go halfsies?" Josh tried with a smile

Theo sighed, weary "Okay, how much is it?" 

"200 dollars" 

" _200 dollars?!_ " 

"Can you stop repeating everything I say?!" 

"I'll fucking kill you, okay, give me your half" Theo growled. 

"Er here - you see ... right now I'm _a bit_ tapped, but I swear I'll give them back to you" If the looks could have killed, Josh was sure he would be dead now. "Hey I brought the pizza!" He protested. 

"Oh sorry for your loss" Theo blew out, going to take the money that Jenna had left 'in case of emergencies' just as the man returned with the last barrel. 

"It's 250, guys" he said adamant. Theo glared at Josh. 

"I thought it was 200" Josh said quickly. 

"Well it is, but minors pay a supplement. If you know what I mean" 

Josh met Theo's look faltering "I bring the beers too?" He tried. 

Theo snorted, handing other money to the guy who greeted them, hurrying to disappear. 

Josh sighed "I hope it's worth at least" 

"Oh sure, there's so much alcohol here that I could drown you in it" 

"You're always _so_ funny" 

  
 

* 

  
 

Liam joined them as soon as they set the table, the big pizzas placed each in front of a chair. Liam stopped in the doorway, catching sight of the three large barrels that now filled the room. 

"Wow, you go all out" he commented. Theo could not have agreed more. 

"Oh, here you are" Josh jumped up happily as he filled a glass from the barrel tap and approached Liam dropping an arm on his shoulders. "Here, Dunbar, come on, drink, drink" 

Liam took the glass faltering, sniffing slightly to figure out what it was. "What’s it?" He asked, not figuring it out. 

"I haven't the slightest idea" Josh said sincerely. 

Theo rolled his eyes. "It's something we should find a good excuse for, about how the fuck we spent your mother's $ 200 emergencies money." 

"Did you spend $ 200 on alcohol?" Liam asked baffled. 

"250 actually" Josh specified, as if it were something to brag about. 

"Oh my god" Liam sighed as he sat down next to Theo and pulled his pizza closer, while Josh returned to the barrel to fill more glasses for them.   
 

Theo took a moment to observe the other boy, his face clean and smooth, his short blond hair pulled up by the gel, a tight white shirt that wrapped his torso. He could not help but notice how outwardly he was so different from the child he had known years before. He was more built, his features more decisive, and there was something magnetic about him that kept catching Theo's gaze.

Liam probably felt his eyes on him, because he turned to look at him. "What is it?" He asked unsure, squirming under his gaze. "Do I have something on my face?" 

"Uh" Theo looked away, taken aback "No- nothing" 

"Here, T" Josh stepped in saving him from looking for an excuse to justify his being there to stare like a creeper, and Theo hurriedly filled his mouth with large gulps. 

Josh passed another glass to Liam "Take it, Dunbar, I'll get you drunk tonight!" 

Theo watched Liam cast a doubtful look at his glass. "You don't have to drink, if you don't want to" he said. 

"Yes, he must!" 

"Shut up, Josh" 

"N-no, I- it’s okay, it's a party, isn't it?" Liam tried with an uncertain smile, also remembering Corey's words of the day before, and downing his drink all in one breath. 

"Ohh way to go, Dunbar!" Josh exulted, imitating him. Theo sighed, doing the same 

  
 

* 

  
 

After 9 pm, the house definitely began to fill up. There were people in every corner, passing each other glasses full of alcohol, there was loud music that echoed through all the rooms, and someone danced there where Theo and Josh had made room by moving the furniture. There were people laughing, someone shouting, someone shamelessly making out. 

"Nice party, dude!" Alec shouted as he approached Liam, standing in the doorway of the living room, along with Mason and Corey. 

"Thank you, but ... honestly I feel I have no control over it" Liam chuckled. 

"Are you drunk?" Mason asked suspiciously. 

"Not yet, at least I think. This stuff is strong!" 

"Guys, did you see those barrels in the living room?" Nolan asked bewildered, as he appeared from nowhere with four glasses in his hand, handing them out. 

"Josh?" Corey said to Liam. 

"Josh" he nodded. 

"Well I don't know about you, but I want to dance!" Mason shouted cheerfully, looking around and grabbing Corey by the hand and dragging him into the middle of the dancefloor. 

"Come on, Liam!" Alec shouted, grabbing him by the sleeve. 

"Ah no-no-" 

"Not nothing!" Nolan joined, grabbing him from the other side and dragging him behind Mason and Corey.   
 

Liam lost count of the time they spent dancing, laughing and teasing each other for their awkward moves, passing glasses of alcohol. At some point even Hayden and Tracy joined them, their hair fluttering as they moved to the beat of the music. 

 

Theo turned in his chair, glancing at Liam and the others who were dancing and laughing carefree, or probably drunk, to then look back at Josh and another boy of their year who were challenging each other to drink a long line of glasses each which it took up almost the entire table. One at a time, Josh downed them all, coming first to the end and exulting wildly, while the other guy cursed. 

Then Josh jumped up, waving to Tracy "Hey Tracy, guys, who's up for a game ?!" 

"Ah! I’m in!" Tracy shouted excited, grabbing Hayden, who in turn grabbed Liam. 

"Come on, let's go!" 

"Uh?" Liam looked at Mason, who nodded, following him, after nodding to the others. 

"I pass-" Theo said, about to get up, but Josh grabbed him and pulled him back into the chair "Forget it, asshole" Theo rolled his eyes. Usually these games never ended well, especially when people began to get too much alcohol in their system 

As they all gathered around the table, Josh picked up a bottle he had filled before with alcohol, emptying it into about twenty glasses before placing it on the floor. "Let's play ‘Never I have ever-'?" He suggested cheerfully, to which everyone murmured in bright assent. 

Theo looked up at the sky, but grabbed a glass. "Good, let's play." He looked at Josh with a grin. "Never I’ve ever been dumb enough to buy 250 dollars of alcohol" he muttered. Everyone giggled as Josh took the glass from Theo's hand. 

Josh snorted "When will you drop it?" He hummed happily, downing it. 

"Okay okay – I've got it one!" Alec stepped in "Never I've ever... threw such a killer party!" He said cheerfully, beckoning to Theo and Liam. 

"Seriously?" Theo snorted, drinking. And Liam imitated him with a smile. 

"Ah now me!" Hayden stepped forward, with a sardonic smile towards Tracy "I never had sex in school" 

"Bitch" she blew out pretending to be deeply offended, throwing back a glass. Theo, with another rolling of eyes, which made Josh laugh, imitated her. And so Mason and Corey too. 

Nolan gasped appalled beside them. "Oh my God" Everyone laughed. "Okay" he blew after, with a wave of his hand as if he wanted to push away the image. "Never I have ever ... had sex" he announced quietly. 

Josh looked at him "You shouldn't admit it so easily" he said, amused, drinking. Imitated by everyone ... except by Liam, who stood looking uncomfortably at the laden table, before looking up, feeling everyone's eyes on him. 

"Cool, see? I'm not the only one" Nolan said cheerfully. Liam blushed, feeling strangely embarrassed. He knew it was not something he should feel uncomfortable with, it was simply something he had not yet had a chance to try, but he could not help feeling like out of place, different. He looked up instinctively to meet Theo's eyes, staring at him with a strange unreadable expression on his face on the other side of the table. 

 

Theo's heart skipped a beat when Liam looked right at him. But then he realized that probably the reason was because instinctively Liam expected one of his comment or a teasing about it. He looked away, feeling again a wave of guilt crawling under his skin. 

Corey seemed to read Liam's thoughts, because he clenched his lips. "Uh it's my turn now" so he announced. Then he looked at Theo with a sharp expression "Never I've ever been an asshole with someone." 

Theo looked at him with a little danger flashing in his eyes as everyone around them suddenly fell silent "You know, I have my doubts about that, Bryant" he pointed back, wry, pushing a glass towards Corey. 

Corey gave a mocking snort. "Okay, Never I've ever been an asshole with someone _who didn't deserve it..._ _better?_ " he corrected himself, grimacing, pushing the glass back toward Theo. 

"Well what about this ..." Theo argued even more sharply, a smirk on his face, as he pushed his glass back again towards Corey "Never I have ever _beg_ someone to fuck m-" 

He still hadn't finished talking that Corey jumped on his feet, Alec and Mason holding him back right away, while Josh stepped between them "Hey, hey, you assholes, this is a party, save your issues for another time!" he snapped sourly

Liam moves a shocked look between Corey, red face perhaps with anger or perhaps shame, and Theo, lips clenched in a hard stone expression. 

"Forget about him, -not worth it" he heard Mason whisper to Corey, who freed himself from the grip that Alec and his boyfriend had on him. 

"Okay, guys, how about if we change the game?" Hayden immediately conciliated. She looked first at Theo, who snorted. "Do as you please" he just said. 

"Yeah it's better" Corey muttered, looking away. 

Hayden moved to reach where Josh and Theo were and picked up an empty bottle from the ground. Theo looked at her skeptically, having already understood. 

"Spin the bottle? Seriously? What are you, 10 years old?" 

"Like you can't wait to stick your tongue in someone's mouth, Theo" she blurted out rolling her eyes. 

"Uh you rather ... what about your little boyfriend?" he said, looking at her with a grin. 

Hayden winced, looking around as if to make sure no one else was listening to them "Not that it's any of your business, but ... we broke up. Last week" 

Theo tensed, looking at her, but talked back with his usual indifference and his grin "What is it? Did you not find time to take him to the playground?" 

Hayden rolled his eyes. "Stop being an asshole Theo. This joke is getting old” she just said, moving away. Theo followed her with his eyes, as she returned to her place beside Liam, giving him a reassuring smile. Theo pursed his lips, before returning to his seat at the table with a frustrated sigh. 

 

"Okay, who wants to have the honor of starting?" Josh exclaimed. "Nobody? Then I'll go.” He grabbed the bottle before anyone could protest, spinning it. Theo stared at it, praying the God he didn’t even believed in that it didn't stop on him, because now the last thing he wanted to do was to kiss Josh. At most he could give him a headbutt. 

But the bottle turned, passed him, passed Tracy, Alec, Nolan and stopped on Mason. Theo snorted a laugh. 

"Okay this is weird" Josh commented. 

"Come on, where did all your eagerness go, Josh?" Theo teased, pushing him. 

"Well I have _no_ problem" Josh said, standing up. "I was just saying that for Corey" 

"Ah I can't wait to see that" Corey said with an amused expression, earning an elbow from Mason beside him. 

"Well, let's do it" Josh went around the table, while Mason got up with a sigh. 

They shared a quick kiss in a way that really looked a lot like a headbutt, before everyone returned to his place. "That's all?" Theo said to Josh, with a raised eyebrow, as he sat next to him. 

"Shut up, you shit." 

"Don't tell me you're blushing?" 

"Fuck you, you bastard." 

"Go, Mase" Alec urged him, moving closer the bottle. Mason span it. 

Apparently the bottle enjoyed pulling out bizarre matchings. So it was that Mason found himself kissing a very nervous Nolan, Nolan found himself kissing Tracy, who found herself kissing Hayden. 

"Come here!" Tracy said eagerly, cupping Hayden's cheeks and giving her an exaggerated kiss on the lips, making everyone laugh, Hayden most of all. Then Hayden span the bottle, and there Theo knew that the bottle hated him. 

Because it span, span, passing Mason, passing Corey and stopping right on Liam. 

Theo wondered how it was possible to blush and turn pale at the same time, because Liam had just managed to do it. Mason and Corey shared two mischievous smiles as Hayden, a little wavering smile on her face, turned to Liam sitting to her left. "Is it okay?" She asked in a low voice. 

"Ah- uhm .. yeah, I guess" he stammered, turning to her. He couldn't say he didn't want it. Kissing Hayden had been one of the things he had wanted to do more since he was a kid, but it was strange and embarrassing to do it now in front of everyone, especially with Mason, Corey and Tracy who cheered them up eagerly. And above all with Theo's eyes on him. 

For some reason they were the ones more awe-inspiring right now. And then there was the fact that Hayden had a boyfriend, of course, also Mason had, but he had just kissed Josh right in front..- His frantic thoughts were silenced by Hayden's soft and gentle lips resting on his. Liam's eyelids fluttered shut as he leaned into the kiss. Hayden sucked his lower lip tentatively and he felt brave enough doing the same.   
 

While everyone was cheering even they were at the stadium, Theo looked away. He knew he had to quit these stupid drunken games until he was on time. He snorted angrily, as he looked up the moment Hayden and Liam, both with red faces and matched embarassed smile, parted away. 

Flushed in a way that Theo could only call cute, Liam focused on the bottle, taking it in his hand ready to spin it. Unable to bear to witness another similar scene, Theo decided to quit here with the stupid game. The moment Liam span, he got up. "Guys, I quit. I need air, this crap is going right to my head” he announced, nodding to his half-empty glass. 

"Come on-" Josh whined trying to pull him back into his seat. 

Just then the bottle passed Tracy stopping right on him. Everyone fell silent, looking at the bottle in shock. Liam and Theo's eyes widened as they looked up at once to stare at each other. 

_This has to be a joke._

Josh just stared blankly at the bottle with his mouth open, still clinging to Theo. "Okay, this is even weirder" he just said then. 

Mason looked at Liam, then Theo, overthinking. "Well by rights Theo just quit" he pointed out. 

Theo looked at Mason then again at Liam. He could not say he had changed his mind by now. Actually, perhaps it was better this way. Kissing Liam... was something it was better not to let happen, right? No matter how much he was craving it- 

"Yeah, I did ... luckily" he hastened to say. He sighed, shaking his head "I need air" he repeated. 

"Oh no wait, asshole" Josh stopped him with a grin. "Do you think you can just quit the game without doing a dare?" 

"Right!" Alec said cheerfully. 

Theo looked at them before snorting. "Ah come on, what do you want me to do?" 

"Mhh" Josh said thoughtfully. Theo really wanted to kill him. Then Josh gave him a big wry smile. "Strip" 

"Excuse me?" Theo asked stunned. 

"You will spend the rest of the night in your boxers" he explained with a chuckle, making everyone around laugh

"You kidding, right?" 

"No way, come on, man, strip!" 

Theo gave him a last murderous look, before snorting and taking off his shirt. Josh whistled as everyone laughed. Somewhere, someone in the crowd of people imitated him. Theo pulled his shirt against Josh's face who just laughed harder. "Now pants!" 

"I'm gonna kick your ass for that" Theo snapped as he freed himself from his pants too, staying in boxers in front of everyone. 

Theo had never been ashamed of his body. Actually, he knew he had a perfect body to say the least, to literally drool over it, but at that time it was definitely all too much weird. 

"Hmm, not bad" Alec said, checking him out and chuckling. 

"Nice to see that some part of you can be saved" Hayden muttered wrily. 

_Very funny, really._ Theo thought giving her the middle finger. Then his gaze slid over Liam, who looked away as Theo met his eyes. His face was still slightly red, and the way he had turned in a hurry made Theo ask if Liam was staring at him. _Well you just undressed in front of about fifty people, Theo, everyone's staring at you, what's your surprise?_ His mind reminded him, but his heart couldn't help but miss a beat to the idea of Liam's eyes on him. 

This stupid crush was becoming a problem. 

"Now are you going to get some air like that?" Nolan asked with a smile. 

"Fuck you" Theo just replied, as he went to fill up another glass, because it was the only thing that had left to do to make that night better. 

"Okay, Liam, so you have to spin again" Hayden said, nudging him 

"Uh?" Liam winced, evidently returning to reality, as he turned to look at her, then the bottle, understanding. "Ah, yeah .. okay" 

He span again, the bottle slowly settling on Mason. Liam laughed, while Mason looked at him shaking his head dramatically. "I knew this would happen sooner or later" 

It was then that Theo traced the line, leaving the room for good. 

  
 

* 

  
 

At around 2 am, while everyone was slowly leaving the party, someone staggering, someone holding up their drunken friends, Theo, still strictly in his boxers, thought it was time to see what had happened to Liam. So it was that he found him sitting behind the kitchen counter, his head lying between his legs. 

"What the hell are you doing?" He laughed as he slid beside him. 

"I'm dying" Liam mumbled, his voice muffled by his arms. Theo laughed shaking him from a shoulder. "You're not dying, you're just really really drunk." 

"Don't shake me, Theo, or I could throw up" Liam warned him with a grimace and a slurred voice, pulling back and lying his head against the surface behind him, exposing his throat in a way that didn't attract Theo’s attention at all. Then Liam turned his head slowly towards him, a sudden confused smile spreading across his face, his eyes small and shiny, and Theo's gaze immediately snapped up from his throat to meet them, a smile that opened on his face in reflex. "Why are you naked?" Liam grumbled then. 

Theo chuckled "Okay, you definitely drank too much." He gave him a slap on the knee, standing up and holding out his hand for Liam to take "Come on, it's time to go to sleep" 

"Uh ..." Liam stare at his hand confused before grabbed it clumsily, but did nothing to help Theo lift him up. He staggered when Theo pulled him to his feet, ending up against Theo's chest, who grabbed him quickly by his shoulders to hold him up. "Are you there?" He asked, amused. 

"Uh-uh" Liam groaned, but as Theo lowered his arms, Liam staggered back and didn't end up with his ass on the floor just because Theo caught him promptly, grabbing his hands and pulling him back close again. 

"Apparently not" Theo murmured with a smile, his face now a few inches from Liam's. 

Liam looked up faltering, his heart skipping a beat at the sudden closeness, unsure about what to do, given the way the alcohol clouded his vision and his mind at that moment. He had no time to figure it out, because a voice calling eagerly Theo's name interrupted them, and Theo took a step back, letting go Liam's hand and turning to Tracy, who had just got in the kitchen, stumbling in his steps, evidently still a little tipsy. 

“Hey T” She approached Theo with a confused smile, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him into a wet kiss. Liam squirmed on the spot, his eyes lingering on the two for a few seconds too long, before he looked down in embarrassment. 

Theo pulled back almost immediately, hands on Tracy's waist to push her back, an almost annoyed expression on his face. "What are you still doing here? Isn't it about time you go home?” He asked her. 

"Mmmh .. Hayden is waiting for me in the car, but ... I could stay here" she said, his voice soft and tempting. "Keep the party going..." She looked at him with an allusive smile, but Theo's expression remained unchanged. 

"You should go home" he just said. "You're drunk" 

"This has never stopped you" she said, amused. Liam squirmed again, embarrassed, not knowing what to do, especially because he was sure that if he took one only step, he would fall down. 

"Tracy" Theo sighed grumpy, glancing quickly at Liam "Just go, it's not the time" 

Tracy pursed her lips, the smile now gone. Her gaze swayed slightly over Liam as she took a step away from Theo, dropping the hands that was still resting on his shoulders. Then she looked back to the boy. "Okay" she sighed eventually defeat, and maybe a little irritated. "See you tomorrow?" 

"Sure" Theo replied, but he didn't sound sure at all. 

Tracy snorted, and left without another word. 

 

Liam looked up at Theo when Tracy slammed the door behind her. 

"You’ve not being very nice" he mumbled, raising an eyebrow, and stumbling back again. 

Theo laughed at his slurred voice because of the alcohol, taking his hand to prevent him from falling and starting to make his way to the upper floor. "You should know by now that I am not nice" he just said

Liam let himself be dragged upstairs, his eyes fixed on their entwined hands, Theo's palm warm against his, a slight blush on his cheeks when his gaze lingered on Theo's bare shoulders. 

 

"Come on" Theo whispered, and Liam suddenly realized he was in his room, Theo lightly pushed his shoulder, helping him to lie down, and to slip under the blankets. 

Liam grumbled, settling himself better against the pillow, his eyes closed in a now pleased expression, mumbling something confused. 

"What did you just say?" Theo asked, frowning, not having grasped his words at all. 

"You are" Liam repeated more clearly. 

"I'm what?" He repeated again, even more confused. 

"Nice" Liam replied, opening his eyes with a small smile on his face. 

Theo's heart jumped painfully into his chest, but he tried to keep a chill tone "You must be really drunk then" 

"Aliens didn't kidnap you, did they?" Liam grumbled then, his eyes closing again. 

" _What_?" Theo laughed. 

When Liam didn't answer, Theo thought he had finally fallen asleep, and started to walk away. But Liam's hand around his wrist kept him in place, making him stumble. "..ay here" he grumbled. 

"Uh?" 

Liam opened his eyes again "Stay here" he repeated weakly. "I'm dying" 

Theo laughed again "You're not dying" he said, a fondness in his voice that sounded strange even to himself. He hesitated for a moment, unsure about what to do, before lying down next to Liam, but staing above the blanket. He had sex with so many different people that he couldn't count them anymore, but he had never shared a bed with anyone, sleeping together. Even someone like him felt like it was an extremely intimate gesture, perhaps even more than the sex itself. 

Liam turned on his side, facing Theo, who imitated his position, resting his head on his right hand, his elbow pointed in the mattress. 

"Are you dead?" He asked, when Liam gave no more sign of life. 

Liam laughed weakly, then opened his eyes again. His gaze lingered on him again, in a way that got him goosebumps. Then he suddenly narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Why are you naked?" 

"You're becoming repetitive" Theo snorted. "The dare, remember? I had to strip to quit playing the stupid bottle game" 

" ... Bottle?" Liam muttered thoughtfully. "Mhh .." Then he seemed to remember something because his expression cleared, his eyes rose to Theo's face and with a half smile he propped himself up on his elbow. 

"What-?" Theo looked at him taken aback, while Liam got closer with a face that would been a predatory gaze if he wasn't been hopelessly wasted. Theo froze when Liam placed a quick and light kiss on the corner between his lips and cheek before dropping weight against the pillow. 

"What-?" Theo repeated, his eyes wide and his heart beating fast in his chest. It had been so light and fast that Theo was wondering if it had really happened, or it had been just a dream. 

"You owed me a kiss" Liam muttered weakly, before finally falling asleep with a last sigh, leaving Theo alone with his heart going crazy and his mind working hectic.   
 

Trying to gather his thoughts, Theo dropped onto the pillow. He wondered if he should go back to his room, but at that moment he didn't find the strength, courage or willingness to do such a thing. So he stood there, watching Liam sleep. 

 

He said that he had to stop that attraction before it became something more. But maybe, maybe it was already too late. Because looking at the boy next to him, sleeping with a peaceful expression, all he could think of was how much he wanted to stop the time at that moment, close the world in that room, a world where Liam asked him _willingly_ to stay by his side, a world where Liam _could_ stay by his side so relaxed, so peaceful ... so himself. 

He said that it was only attraction, he said that it was a passing crush that would go away as it came, but it was not like that. Maybe, maybe ... it had always been there. Since they were kids. He had hated him, he picked on him because he saw the weaker part of himself in Liam. The only one he wanted to erase. Now, after all, he could see how this implied that even back then, he had recognized a piece of himself in the other boy, something that bound them together, something that made them similar. 

And if he had been stupid at the time, and he had hated that bond, now instead it was like a warm comfort, like a voice in the back of his mind that kept repeating 

_'You're not alone, you're not the only one who's hurting here, everything’s gonna be fine'_

  
 

TO BE CONTINUED 


	7. Break down that wall

 

When he opened his eyes that morning, the first thing Liam wondered was whether the sun had always been so blinding. He squeezed his eyes, untangling an arm from the sheets to cover his face. Then groaning when the movement made his stomach turn over in a way not pleasant at all.

His head was bursting, it seemed as if someone was beating him repeatedly from the inside against the right temple. Liam mentally noted that he would never again accept alcohol from Josh, or any other person in the world, to be fair. While taking this sacred vow with himself, he pulled the blanket to cover his face and didn't have to face like this the outside world for at least a few more hours. Yeah, he pulled, or at least  _tried_ . Because that didn't seem interested in cooperating.

 

"Liam stop fucking pulling" Theo's voice moaned somewhere behind him, sleepy but somehow already full of annoyance since early in the morning.

Liam jumped violently, because  _that_ was really the last thing he expected to hear at that moment and in that place. He whirled around just to see Theo sleeping in  _his bed_ ,  _next to him_ , in his  _boxers_ . Maybe alcohol was still playing tricks on him, because really, that was surreal.

He didn't have time to figure out or question himself about this, because his stomach got badly revenge on him for his abrupt movement, the bile that climbed his throat forcefully. Running in the bathroom was a thought that didn't even come close to him at that moment - he would be buried in shame later, when he would be sure that dying was no longer a possible risk - while he threw up on the floor leaning out of bed.  _Disgusting,_ he thought, blinking his eyes full of tears, a grimace that tilted his lips.

He heard Theo laugh behind him,  _that asshole_ , as he slowly fell back against the mattress, humbled. "Don't laugh, you asshole" Liam muttered, his cheeks now red with shame, looking at the ceiling as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Hey, I told you not to drink, if you didn't want to, remember?" Theo said quietly, looking at him with a half smile on his lips.

"Actually, I think I don't remember anything at all" Liam murmured slowly, squinting, trying to put the pieces of the previous night back together. Then he finally turned to Theo, looking at him suspiciously. "Why are you in my bed?" He asked, and raised an eyebrow "And why are you in your  _boxers_ ?"

Theo rolled his eyes. "It's such a long story" he just said.

"I have all the time in the world. I'm not going to get up of here for the next five years."

"Don't be dramatic. And know that I will not clean the whole mess down there all by myself, Mr.  _This-is-also-my-party_ "

Liam groaned at the thought of the mess that could have happened downstairs. He raised his hands to rub his temples and Theo laughed again.

"I hate you" Liam mumbled, then moved his hands to cover his eyes.

"Mmh, that’s not what you thought last night" Theo said, his voice suggestive as a sly smile curled his lips.

" _What?_ " Liam croaked in response, his voice high-pitched, widening his eyes and turning back to look at him, his stomach protesting again violently.

Theo burst out laughing at his reaction, to the point that tears formed in the corners of his eyes. "I'm kidding, you idiot" he gasped then, shaking his head

_Although I wish I wasn't kidding_ , his mind presented him, treacherous.

Liam kept looking at Theo with his eyes wide open, his heart still throbbing against his chest at the image that Theo's sentence had formed in his mind as he waited. Waited. Eventually Theo stopped laughing enough to talk, and looked at him. "I just dragged your very drunk ass out here, and I wanted to make sure that you didn't choke in your own vomit, you know..." Liam grimaced "-and then my room was  _too_ far away, so I stopped here" he finished, dramatically

 

Theo decided it was better to keep silent  _the other_ part of the story for now. Or maybe for good. Because Liam probably didn't even remember it. He was quite off his head at that time after all. Also because he wouldn't have done that if he wasn't completely drunk. Theo bit his lip, thinking back to the way Liam had smiled at him.  _You are kind._ The way he took his wrist, asking him to stay. And that kiss ... Theo's eyes slid over Liam's lips, at the memory. It hadn't really been a real kiss, more a light touch, almost a caress, almost non-existent, but that had done nothing but increase in Theo the physical need to feel them again, to taste them, this time for real. He quickly brought his eyes up, before Liam noticed.  _Don't go there,_ he ordered to his mind.  _Don't think about it, you know it will never happen, Theo._

 

Liam was still looking at him waiting "That doesn't explain why you're in your underwear" he mumbled, still red in the face.

Theo rolled his eyes. "Josh" he just said.

Liam stared in shock "Oh my God"

"-No!  _Ew_ , I'm going to throw up too- it was the  _stupid_ dare to quit playing the  _stupid_ bottle game, remember?" Theo hastened to explain, with a grimace.

At those words, Liam's eyes widened and he looked back at the ceiling. "Oh yeah, it's true ...  _God_ , fuck... I don't remember anything" he moaned desperately.

"Nothing at all?" Theo asked faltering, after a few seconds of silence.

"Complete blank since we started playing the  _stupid_ bottle game" Liam slapped his forehead. He remembered the dinner, when Mason and the others had come, parts of when they had danced, the glasses full of alcohol that were passed, the deafening music, but the rest were just confused clips. Along with the strange feeling of having done something awkward.

"Please tell me I didn't make a fool of myself"

"No more than usual, no" Theo replied quietly. "I mean ... there could have been multiple falls, medical hypotheses of imminent death, some bizarre questions about my being kidnapped or not by some aliens-" Liam blushed mortified.  _What? Did he actually ask that?_ Theo paused and thought of probing the waters "-and a few kisses, no biggie" he concluded with nonchalance

"Kiss? What kiss?" Liam exclaimed, his eyes widening slowly, probably remembering. "Oh my god." He exclaimed a few seconds later.

Theo's heart jumped into his chest as he looked at Liam in anticipation. Did he remember it? What would he say? Theo was already regretting having brought up the subject.

"Oh my god. I ..." Liam repeated, turning to look at him flustered. "I kissed Hayden!"

Yeah, he was officially regretting having brought up the subject. Theo's heart sank rapidly as he looked back at the ceiling. He had almost forgotten about Liam and Hayden so far. "Yeah" he sighed in response. He glanced sideways at Liam, who was nervously biting his fingernails now, his gaze lost, probably as he remembered the details, the red cheeks and the big eyes, almost shining. He forced himself to look away. If he had told him about  _their_ kiss, Liam's reaction would not have been that at all. He probably would have been disgusted, horrified, incredulous at the idea of actually having done it.  _He will never have that expression so flustered and happy at the same time for you,_ it was something he had to accept.

Then Liam froze, with a confused expression on his face. "Wait, you said 'kisses'. Plural. Who else did I kiss?" He then asked even more in a panic. Theo turned to look at him, a smile already spreading across his face, while Liam continued to stare at him with anxious anticipation.

"You also kissed Mason"

_"What?"_ Liam screamed as Theo burst out laughing again, falling back against the mattress.

 

*

 

After a few minutes, Theo probably decided that it was starting to be embarrassing to lie next to each other in the same bed. Although his was a large double bed and another person could have been probably fixed between them, even though Liam was under the blanket, and Theo was not, it was still awkward. Especially since Theo was almost naked, and it was difficult to avoid letting his eyes slide over his bare shoulders and his perfectly built body every time he turned to look at him. Yeah, the idiot was an asshole, but he certainly had a perfect body, he had to give it to him, not that he would ever admit it out loud. For this he was pleased when Theo announced that he was going to take a shower.

Liam cleaned the mess on the floor before he flung himself back on the bed, finding no willing in himself to get up again, let alone go downstairs. But he took his cell phone from where he had left it the night before on the nightstand and unlocked it.

It was almost 13:00. He cursed internally, and quickly checked the texts he had received. There was one of his mum who asked if everything was okay, to which he promptly replied with an affirmative message. Then he opened the chat with Mason.

_Are you alive?_ He had written to him almost two hours before.

Liam's lips tilted into a smile as he answered. _I have my doubts._  
_Do you remember everything?_

_Pieces._ Knowing already where Mason wanted to get with that question, he preceded him.  _I remember about Hayden_

Liam waited for an answer, which did not come. Because a few seconds later, Mason was calling him. "Hey dude. So how are hangovers going?" Mason chuckled from the other side of the line.

Liam snorted. "I'll tell you when I find out how to get out of bed without throwing up again."

Mason laughed. "You were  _so_ wasted, man"

"Don't tell me" Liam groaned "Please"

"I could swear I saw you greet a plant at some point"

"Oh my god" Liam covered his eyes with his hands, blushing "Are you serious?"

"Never been more serious."

"Kill me" Liam groaned, making Mason chuckle.

His laughter faded slightly as he finally brought the conversation back to the reason why he called. "Sooo .. will you talk to Hayden?"

"I don't know?" Liam said uncertain "I mean, it was just a kiss during a stupid drinking game. It doesn't mean anything."

"Kissing me during a stupid drinking game doesn't mean anything, not kissing Hayden, you've had a crush on since you were 8!" Mason said wisely.

Liam blushed, but didn't comment. "What should I do, Mase? She already got a boyfriend, a boy who once struck Theo with a knife, I'd like to remind you. I don't think it's the guy I would piss off-"

"Well I officially inform you that Hayden and Gabe are no longer together" Mason muttered dramatically.

"What? How do you know?" Liam asked right away, his heart skipping a beat.

"Yesterday Gabe changed his status on Facebook"

"Really?" Liam said deadpan "Is it still something you do?"

Mason chuckled. "Apparently yes. My status on facebook still says 'in a complicated relationship with my bed' since I was thirteen"

Liam snorted a laugh.

"So what are you going to do?"

"What should I do?"

"Call her?" Mason suggested.

"And what should I tell her? ‘I'm glad the bottle made us kiss, would you like to go out with me?’?"

"Well it's the truth"

"Mason! You're not helping here."

"Just ask her out, Liam, it's very simple, it's not aerospace engineering." Liam could almost swear he sensed Mason to roll his eyes in exasperation.

"What if she says no?" Liam whined.

"Liam" Mason sighed. "She does nothing but look at you, invites you to lunch, defended you with Theo, makes excuses to talk to you all the time. She obviously likes you, so let her know that you like her too, so you will finally live happily ever after"

Liam stood for a moment contemplating brooding the ceiling, the phone still pressed against his ear. "Okay" he finally sighed.

"Okay?" Mason repeated almost not believing what he had just heard.

"I'll ask her out. Today" Liam added firmly.

"Great! Okay, well ... how?"

"I'll text her" Liam replied with a shrug. It was the simplest and most painless way. If she said no, at least it would have been less embarrassing and humiliating, right?

"Liam, I would like to remind you of what happened the last time you tried to write to Hayden about your feelings, but I feel that is not the case, since the little demon could be within earshot"

Liam rolled his eyes, finding himself suddenly holding back the strange and unusual need to defend Theo. "He’s not here" but he just answered.

"That’s what you think" Liam snorted a laugh. Then Mason sighed. "Okay, listen to me. Now you need to get up-"

"No-"

"Get up, take a shower, then I'll come to you and bring food,  _lots of_ food-"

"Just the idea of food disgusts me right now"

"You'll change your mind very soon. And we can play video games, as I instill in you the courage to text Hayden, because I know that otherwise you won't do it if you're alone."

Liam laughed "I'd like, Mase, but I have to help Theo clean up the house. Our parents come back tomorrow night and here is a fucking mess"

"Better yet. I will help you clean up."

"No you don’t ha-"

"I want to do it, okay?" Mason insisted.

Liam sighed, too tired to protest "Okay"

"Well, now go take a shower, and please don't drown."

"I can't guarantee anything" he mumbled, making the other chuckle.

"See you later, Li"

"See you later, Mase"

 

*

 

Fifteen minutes later Liam was still on the bed, the phone up in front of his face, staring at the chat with Hayden, seeking the courage to send that simple  _"Hey! Would you like to meet?"_ Liam sighed troubled, his finger swaying on Send before deleting the text for the twentieth time.

When Theo knocked before opening the door, he was still in that position, looking at the phone. "Hey" Theo looked at him raising an eyebrow. "The bathroom is free, if you want to take a shower" Liam nodded quickly, taking advantage of the distraction to lock the phone and throw it on the bed, while sitting up careful not to make sudden movements. "I'm going downstairs to clean up" Theo added.

"No, wait-" Liam interrupted him quickly. "I mean, wait for me ... I will give you a hand."

Theo looked at him, studying him carefully before sighing, talking. "You can go back to sleep if you don't feel up for it."

"No, I can do it." He strode decisively towards him, as if to prove his point. Theo laughed, shaking his head "Okay, but- go take a shower first, please" he gave him an intense look and then a grin "You smell like alcohol and vomit and I assure you it's not pleasant"

Liam blushed, but he hastened to obey. Theo wasn't really wrong.

 

*

 

When he came out of the shower fully dressed, he felt already a little more reborn. Passing a towel through his hair, he went back into the room. His phone rang once, for an incoming message. When he unlocked his cell phone, he saw that Mason had written to him,  _I'm on my way (:_

He threw the towel on the bed, and was about to lock the phone again and so reach Theo downstairs, when he noticed that he had received another message, 15 minutes ago. He re-opened the app and his heart skipped a beat when he saw that the message was from Hayden. With shaking hands, he clicked on the chat.

_Hey,_ _Li_ ,  _are you alright? Yesterday was really crazy!_

Liam hastened to answer, his heart beating fast.  _Hey, I'm fine, I guess. What about you?_

_Well I'm still breathing, so I'd say I'm fine._

Now, now was the time. Liam stared at the chat. He had to ask her out now.  _It's not difficult, Liam. Just do it!_ He closed his eyes, repeating these words mentally, a dozen times. But when he opened them again, he saw the word  _Hayden is writing ..._ at the top of the chat.

 

His heart skipped a beat.

_I was wondering ... if you'd like to meet one of these days?_

His heart stopped.

He didn't know whether to feel like an idiot or celebrate for being beaten to it.  _Okay, now answer, Liam, come on!_

_I would like that_ , he sent trembling. Then he took courage, tapping quickly.  _What about tomorrow?_

He waited again, his heart racing, his eyes on the chat.

_It seems perfect (:_

_Let me know where and when!_

Liam breathed a sigh of relief, throwing himself back onto the bed. He could hardly believe, he had done it. He would have gone out with Hayden. He picked up the phone again and wrote Mason a simple :  _I did it!_

  


*

 

"You didn’t have to come to help us clean up, you know" Liam said, almost guiltily, while Mason was holding a large envelope where Liam was slowly throwing the empty and broken glasses that littered the floor.

Mason was arrived half an hour before and had brought hamburgers and fries, and Liam was really surprised that he had also thought of Theo. Theo must have been of the same opinion because he had looked at his food with a deeply surprised expression, and he sat uncertainly at the table with them, remaining then strangely silent.

So after a quick lunch they set to work.  
  
"Are you kidding? And miss your first hangover and the chance to make fun of you?"   
"You're so thoughtful, Mase"

Theo laughed across the room, as he repeated the same action, holding an envelope with one hand and picking up glasses with the other.

"And then you have to tell me about Hayden, you can't just text me that you'll go out with her and not expect the third degree! I was waiting for this moment since fifth grade" then sighed dramatically.

Theo stopped laughing, raising his head. "A-are you going out with Hayden?" He asked immediately, looking at him, and simulating as much indifference as possible.

"Mase!"

"He lives with you, he would have found out anyway!" He exclaimed.

"Anyway, we'll just go get some coffee, it's not  _really_ a date" Liam protested, blushing, and throwing a glass in the envelope with a little too much, not necessary, strength

"All starts with a coffee" Mason said wisely.

"I thought it started with hello"

"Then you will pass to share some useless information like your favorite color, or your favourite ice cream flavor, and in a moment you will be making out under the stands of the lacrosse field"

"How to let her know that my favorite ice cream flavor is pistachio is making me end up making out with her? And why should I do it under the stands of the lacrosse field?" Liam asked skeptically.

"Because that's the way things work" Mason replied with a shrug.

"Ah if Mason says so" Theo muttered feebly as he passed them to go throwing the trash outside.

Mason narrowed his eyes in the direction where he had disappeared. "Mhh what’s up with him? That didn't even seem like an insult, today he seems a bit ... off?"

Liam shrugged, throwing another glass into the envelope "Maybe it’s the hangover"

"Then maybe we finally found out the antidote to Theo's compulsive bitching" Mason joked cheerfully. Liam snorted, but did not answer, feeling again that strange sense of annoyance in front of Mason's unflattering comments towards Theo. Not that Mason didn't have his good reasons to be angry with Theo, but ... well, Liam couldn't explain it.

He bit his lip thoughtfully as he continued undaunted with the cleaning, and as Theo stepped through the door, catching Liam's gaze. Seriously, when did he start to feel compelled to defend Theo? When did he start to think that Theo _deserved_ to be defended, by _him_ , moreover? He didn't have an answer, it's true, Liam thought, but it was like that. At some unspecified time during that month spent side by side, Liam had stopped considering Theo an enemy. Almost unconsciously he had opened up more and more, conversations had become easier and more frequent, - apart obviously for some sarcastic asshole remarks, but Liam was by now sure that nothing could be done about that. As Theo had also said, he certainly could not stop being himself - it had become a habit to help each other study, because Liam was a nerd for history as much as Theo was a genius in biology. And sometime in the middle Liam had begun to observe the other boy, to notice things: the way Theo really listened to him carefully when he was talking about history, when instead everyone else had always interrupted him or changed the subject. The way he saw him from time to time talking to his mother, shoulder to shoulder, a rare smile on his lips as they washed and dried the dishes with perfect synchrony, and the way his own heart cheerfully clung to that view. The way Theo himself seemed to open up more and more every day with him, as he began to feel more and more at ease, the way he seemed to understand what Liam thought before he even spoke, like that day that had followed him into his room after that half-discussion with his mother. And the way he took care of him, in his own way. How he had done tonight.   
But above all ... he had noticed that perhaps Theo was just as much lonely as he was. Not because they didn't have people around, but for the wall they built around themselves. That wall that let others see the outside, the façade, what they had chosen to show, hiding everything was inside. Liam out of shyness, Theo perhaps out of anger. And yet that wall was there. And for the first time in his life, Liam felt willing to lower his own, if it meant cutting down Theo's too.

  


*

 

When they finished cleaning, Mason and Liam opted for a game of Call of Duty. Liam even dared to ask Theo hopefully if he wanted to join them, but Theo refused, saying he would study a little before going back to sleep. Liam caught the lie at a distance, but didn't protest. Somehow Theo really didn't seem particularly in himself today, he was pale and he must have felt cold because at a certain point he had gone up to his room and came back downstairs in a heavy jacket. Liam watched him disappear through the door without another word, before sighing and following Mason to his room.

 

*

 

The next morning Liam woke up and the first thing he heard was Theo's voice in the hallway, probably heading for the stairs, talking on the phone.

"-No, he’s still sleeping- yes, no-" Theo paused, before going on "-of course we didn't spend  _all_ the money-" he said, a slight sarcasm hidden in his voice, which gradually lowered as he went down the stairs. Liam snorted, sitting down. The alarm clock on his bedside table marked past 12, he should have met with Hayden at 3pm, so he had plenty of time to take a shower, get dressed and even eat something.

It was past 2pm when he went down to the living room, ready to go out, wrapped in tight white jeans and a blue shirt, the first two buttons strictly undone (Mason's orders), a dark blue sweater tied on his shoulders, and yeah, fucking nervous.

 

"Hey what did mom and Paul say? Have they already left?" He asked getting in, hoping for a distraction.

Theo was sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, watching TV, and turned to him when Liam spoke. He stared at him then, his eyes moving slowly from his head to toe and back again, before Liam, nailed to the place by the strange look on Theo's face, spoke, for some reason now even more nervous. "What's up? I'm not okay?” He stammered.

Theo took half a breath, returning to look into his eyes before turning again to the TV "No-.. nothing ..." he muttered, then obviously decided to change the subject. "They said the plane leaves at 5pm, they'll be here late tonight."

"Okay" Liam replied. "Probably I'll be back tonight, too."

Theo obviously decided to ignore this too because he kept talking like he had said nothing, never averting his eyes from the tv "There’s broth in the microwave, if you are hungry"

Liam assumed a puzzled expression “Why did you make the broth?" He went over to Theo, standing in front of the sofa. Theo just gave him a quick glance before returning to his Tv program. "Why do you have that blanket? And why are you so pale? Theo, are you-?"

"I'm fine!" Theo cut him off abruptly, clutching the blanket.

"It doesn't seem to me-" Liam sat next to him, then stretched a hand towards his forehead. Theo's eyes widened, slapping his hand as he pulled away "What are you doing?" He asked puzzled.

"Idiot, I just want to feel if you have a fever-"

"I'm fine, I said" Theo said stubbornly, moving away even more from Liam's hand who snorted angrily. "You really are-"

"Don't you have a date?" Theo insisted dryly, ignoring him to go back to watching TV. "Go, you don’t want to keep Hayden waiting!?"

"I'm not leaving if I don't know if you're okay" Liam replied simply, earning another puzzled look from Theo. Then he sighed in exasperation "Liam, just go, I just have a touch of fever and there's nothing you and your stupid pity can do for me"

"It's not pity, Theo" Liam rolled his eyes, puffing.

"Oh really? And what is it?" There was something very exasperating in the way Theo used to raise an eyebrow. Or maybe it was his voice that always managed to come out somehow, whatever he said, sarcastic, and made you want to punch him in the face.

"It's called being worried about your stupid feverish ass, you asshole" Liam snapped, narrowing his eyes in his direction with anger.

This time Theo looked at him almost with admiration, his eyebrows almost touching his hairline "When did you learn to be so foul-mouthed?"

"When did you learn to be such an asshole?"

"In all modesty, mine is innate talent" Theo gave him a half smile, which widened as Liam crossed his arms beside him, pouting. Theo nudged him, drawing his attention. "Just go, a little fever certainly won't kill me." He rolled his eyes as he threw himself sideways to lie down completely on the sofa. He kicked Liam on the thigh, pushing him away so he could even stretch his legs. Liam gave him an unimpressed look.

He knew Theo wasn't fine at all. He was pale, and his forehead was sweaty. He saw goose bumps walking on his neck until disappearing under the blanket. He had prepared lunch, but he had certainly not touched it, he could very well see from there that the bowl he had placed in the microwave was still full. But he also knew that Theo would never admit to being sick, he would never ask for help. Neither his nor anyone else, not even if he had been on the verge of death.

"Okay" Liam finally sighed. "But if you had to-"

"Liam" Theo immediately stopped him with a murderous look.

"You're really unbearable" Liam huffed, giving up.

"I know" Theo said with a smile. "Now just go. I want to sleep, and your voice bothers me"

"Well thank you" Liam rolled his eyes, moving away. He considered eating the broth that Theo had made, but then decided that it was better to grab on his way a cheeseburger in some fast food.

He stopped in the doorway of the living room, casting a last doubtful glance at Theo, his sweaty face contracted in a tired expression, the TV lights reflected in his green eyes, while he looked at it absently.

"See you tonight" Liam muttered tentatively.

Theo didn't even look at him, while he muttered a distracted "Yeah"

Liam sighed as he left the house.

 

*

 

To be honest, Liam had been afraid of making a fool of himself in some way. He had never been a dating expert. Quite the contrary. The previous year at Devenford he had been gone out for a couple of months with Brett, hot, eight-pack, great kisser, but definitely an asshole. And certainly not a romantic date type. It didn't last. So it was fair to say that Liam was somewhat inexperienced. But with Hayden he was okay. She had this strange gift of always putting him at ease, of relaxing him, since he was a kid.

So it was that after making a walk through the shops, chatting about this and that, laughing and joking, especially at some stories about the party, they found themselves sitting an hour later in a cafe’, facing each other, in front of a steaming hot chocolate.

 

Half an hour ago, Liam had also texted to Theo to make sure he was still alive. Theo had read it and not answered. At the umpteenth message ignored, Liam had cheerfully threatened him to call an ambulance and make him make a fool of himself if he didn't answer the damn phone within two minutes.

 

_Calm down, Dunbar, you won't get rid of me so easily_ 😩 Theo had texted at the end, and Liam could almost hear him, his sarcastic voice, that shitty grin on his face, as he rolled his eyes. But at least he knew he was still alive.

Until now. Because forty minutes later, when Liam wrote to him a second time, he got no reply. This time Theo didn't even read it. Obviously he could have just fallen asleep, but Liam couldn't help but start to worry again. So when Hayden apologized saying she had to use the toilet, Liam took the chance to try calling Theo. No reply. He tried calling the home phone. Nothing. While Hayden got back to her place, he stood watching his cell phone, contemplating how much shit he would have to endure in the years to come if he had really called an ambulance.

He sighed internally. That  _idiot_ . Why couldn't he help but worry about him? It was  _Theo_ . The same Theo who had literally tortured him, humiliated him and debased him as kids. But also the same Theo who had caught a flu for staying in his boxers, without blankets, all night long, next to him, because he had been such an idiot to get drunk.

 

"-iam ... Liam, are you okay?" Hayden's voice startled him, looking up from his cell phone to look at her.   
 

He blushed embarrassed. "Eh .. yeah .. I mean sorry. It's just that ..." he sighed, locking the phone and placing it on the table "...is Theo"

"Theo? What did he do again?" She asked, frowning worriedly.

"Nothing, nothing! No, it's just that when I went out, he didn't look good. I think he had a fever. And you know ... he's a stubborn idiot, he would never admit he was sick. And now I text him, but he doesn't answer. First I tried to call him but he is unreachable. And I know he'll probably just be sleeping ... but I'm worried"

Hayden didn't say anything, but a gentle smile slowly spread on her lips.

"What is it?" Liam asked him faltering

"You are amazing, Li" she said, her voice filled with some kind of admiration.

Liam blushed again "W-why?"

"You can worry about Theo in spite of everything. You can leave everything behind and go on like this, I..- I don't know if I would have that strength"

Liam sighed, shrugging his shoulders "It's just that - I don't think Theo is the horrible person that we think he was. I think there is something more underneath - I don't know, maybe there's a reason behind his attitude-" he honestly admitted

"You know, Tracy told me that Theo ditched her on Friday night.. to take care of you.”

Liam's heart skipped a beat. "What?"

"Yeah ... he surprised me too. A few days ago you told me that Theo was strangely caring with you ... I didn't believe it, but maybe ... he is." Hayden shrugged, taking a sip of chocolate "Maybe he feels guilty" Liam didn't answer, contemplating the hypothesis thoughtfully. He knew that Theo felt guilty. In his own way, he had let it know more and more times. "I think you two are very similar, actually" Hayden said then, giving him a small smile.

"What do you mean?"

"I've known Theo for years, but sometimes I think I don't know him at all. I don't know anything about him, he never talks about himself, he avoids personal questions and keeps everyone at a distance with jokes and sarcastic judgments ... He has no friends, except for Josh maybe, and his relationships are just a long series of hooking up ... I've never seen him cry, I've never seen him get angry ..." Hayden paused, thinking, before resuming "I know-just once, actually ... " she remembered, looking at him "Gabe, my ex-boyfriend, in middle school, fought badly with him-"

"Yeah Mason mentioned it to me"

"Theo was the first to punch him, it's true, but Gabe provoked him. I was there. He said something that stayed impressed in my mind, and the look on Theo's face ... I can't describe it- furious would be too little ... I had never seen him lose control like that-"

"What did he say to him?" Liam asked, raising his eyebrows

"Something about his mother. He told him something like he really had to be an unbearable little asshole if his own mother had run away from him, a monster that not even his own mother loves..."

"It's horrible-" Liam gasped. Hayden nodded.

"I never thought about it before, but I never really saw Theo's mother ... I don't know how Gabe knew she was gone ... then when last year, Tracy started ...  _spending time_ ... with Theo, she told me that at home there was never anyone besides Theo, and his father, in the late evening ... he probably must have been very lonely .. but this does not justify what he did or his behavior, does it?”

Liam didn't answer, letting the information sink and pondering. He didn't know anything about Theo's mother, he didn't know what had happened to her, Theo had never mentioned, and neither had Paul. If they had been divorced, it would have been logical for Theo to meet her occasionally. Indeed, it would have been logical for Theo to be left to her care, and not to Paul’s. It was strange.

Liam looked at the phone, worried again.

"Call him again" Hayden murmured finally, following his gaze.

"He'll tease me for life when he sees all the missed calls I left him" he said, forcing an unconvinced laugh as he took the phone in his hand. That was when the phone vibrated, making him jump. The name 'Home' flashed on the display. "He's calling me" he muttered in wonder to Hayden before answering. "Hey, you idiot- why didn't you answer the phone?!"

Liam waited, but nobody spoke. There was barely a rustling sound, or maybe it was a heavy breath. "Theo ?! Do you hear me?” He asked again. Then he heard an audible thud. "Hey!" He shouted frightened. He looked up at Hayden, who looked at him expectantly, a shadow of concern even on her face. "Excuse me, I-" Liam murmured doing to get up.

"Go" she just said with a small smile and a nod. "We'll make up the next time."

Liam smiled at her, settling his sweater on his shoulders "Surely" he agreed.

 

Then he ran out of the cafe, headed home. Meanwhile, he called back the number, but the line sounded busy.

"What the hell, Theo-?" He whispered between his teeth, now definitely worried, as he gave up calling, increasing his pace.

 

TO BE CONTINUED

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter took me long and it's not that good, but like Theo, I have a fever and I'm feeling a bit off. Next chapter, I hope, will be more interesting and there will be some revelations ^__^  
> Then I wanted to say that this will be a slow burn, just because I've realized that they can't just jump from hating each others to being in love, something has to be built in the middle, I hope it's not too much boring so far!


	8. You're not alone

When Liam left the house closing the door behind him, Theo let himself fall even more against the sofa, a sigh that escaped his lips as his eyes slowly closed. He felt strangely dizzy, his eyelids heavy, and his breath broken. He squeezed more in the blanket when he was struck by another chill, and then kicked it away minutes later when he felt a burst of heat coming up his body. He cursed internally, as he brought his hand to his sweaty forehead. All he needed now was a fever. He hadn't felt so sick for years.

The voices from the TV seemed only distant echoes, and the light of the screen was a torture for his eyes, so he angrily raised the remote control to turn it off, and try to get some sleep. For a moment he thought of calling Tracy there, but then he thought better of it. He had neither the desire nor the strength to stand her at the moment.

He opened his eyes weakly, the silence surrounding him almost overwhelming, smothering. It was something he should have been used to. He had spent half his life in that place alone. It was not something that should have left him puzzled, or confused, or even sad. Certainly not sad.

But perhaps at some point he had begun to get used to it. Used to returning to a crowded house. With Liam and his stupid high-volume video games. With Jenna cooking something for dinner, the smell that filled the air as she hummed happily. Have someone to talk to at dinner, passing dishes and telling each other their day. Have someone to laugh with, someone to spend time with. Someone who cared about him.  _I'm not leaving if I don't know if you're okay._ Theo had snorted an affectionate laugh at the umpteenth text from Liam, and he had finally decided to answer him before turning off the phone, trying to fall asleep.

 

He sighed. Listening to the silence, however, now he seemed to be back at the starting point. Perhaps in the end it hadn't changed that much.

 

_You're alone, Theo. No one will come to help you. As always. You have to make it on your own_

 

Theo breathed panting, his throat dry, his eyelids flicking shut.

 

_Even him. He left too. He is running towards someone else ..._

 

He felt tired, drained, every single limb of his body was heavy. He just wanted to sleep...

 

_... just like she did. She's gone. She replaced you, Theo_

 

Theo coughed, a hand over his eyes, his skin moist and warm to his own touch, his mind clouded, his thoughts swirling as he slowly let himself sink into an restless sleep.

 

_You must really have to be a monster if not even your own mother wants you._

 

_Theo, she's gone._

 

_Do you mind staying home alone? You know daddy has to work ..._

 

_I hate you!_

 

_I would also rather be somewhere else!_

 

_If you keep pushing people away, you'll be alone!_

 

_Alone ..._

 

_Alone..._

 

_Don't you know? He is gone, Theo ..._

 

_He is gone ..._

  


**Four years ago - sixth grade**

 

Theo glanced at the paper he held in his hand, before looking around among the dozens of boys who still crowded the corridor. He felt slightly intimidated, being in a new school, being surrounded by older kids, was something he had to get used to soon. But he pushed back every negative feeling, wearing his usual indifferent and unshakable mask, and followed the directions toward what, according to what the woman said at the entrance, must have been his class. While he lingered at the door, he found himself in a brief moment of weakness hoping that at least Josh was in his class. And his face widened in a smile, when he immediately noticed the boy, strictly at the last desk, his backpack thrown on the next seat, probably to keep the place for Theo. He joined him quietly, sitting up.

"Hey T" Josh greeted him, giving him high-five when he reached him. "This place’s cool, isn't it?" He exclaimed eagerly.

Theo nodded with a grin, throwing his backpack at him "You could say that" Then he looked around to study the others kids around them. He immediately saw some familiar faces. Hayden, Tracy sat nearby a few desks ahead of them. And there was also Mason. The place next to him was still empty ... Theo looked around more frantically.

"Hey" Josh called to him. "Looking for something?" Theo froze, turning to look at him, meeting his frown. He shrugged casually, before nodding to Mason. "I was just wondering if Dumbar was in class with us." He grinned. "It would be a shame to have no one to kill time with anymore." He looked back at Josh, a sarcastic expression still painted on his face, expecting to see him laugh too, but instead he met a sad and mortified expression that he didn't expect at all. "What?" He asked then, confused, as his smile weakened.

"Don't you know?" Josh said, confused, leaning over the desk towards him. Theo's heart missed a beat in anticipation. "He ... he's gone, Theo."

"What?" He asked puzzled, his stomach contracting painfully as those words echoed those he'd been repeating for years, thinking of his mother.

Josh sucked uncomfortable his low lip. "He and his mother left the town... It seems that ... this summer his father ... is dead" he said. "It seems he was a doctor, like .. in poor countries where there is war, got it?" Josh lowered his voice, Theo listened to him, widening his eyes, while trying to understand "my mother told me" He shrugged sadly "Umm ... a bomb, they say..."

 

Theo looked away, Josh's voice barely coming to him as he stared at Mason. At the empty seat next to him. And at that moment the realization hit him. He would never see him again.

He would never see his face again, he would never see him again with that almost cute pout, his eyes watery and his cheeks dusted with red whenever he teased him. He would no longer hear the sound of his laughter, the few times he let himself go to a real smile. And he would never meet those eyes again, those eyes of the bluest blue he had ever seen.

He was gone, he too, like everyone else.

Theo's heart throbbed painfully against his chest. He swallowed trying to understand what that strange feeling he was feeling was.

 

But he couldn't know then. He was too young and inexperienced to figure it out. Only years later, meeting by chance and by some strange twist of fate, those same blue eyes, feeling again his heart throbbing as then, that he figured out that perhaps he had always been in love with that strange little boy with glasses and sad face, nerdy about comics and history.

The same little boy who had once gone and who, even if in a completely different way, continued to do the same today.

  


**Present - tenth grade**

 

Theo woke up with a start, he was completely sweaty, his breathing heavy, his eyes burned and his throat on fire. His head whirled and he felt numb to the rest of the world. As if he wasn't really there. Maybe he was just dreaming. He could still hear the echoes of his restless dreams swirling around his mind. Josh's voice spoke to him almost with a disarming sadness.

 

_Do not you know? He is gone, Theo ...._

 

Confusedly and awkwardly he got up, stumbling at the mercy of the high fever. He stumbled and clung to the door jamb at a certain point, then dragged himself in front of the house telephone. He almost unconsciously grabbed it, reading the missed call from Liam's cell phone number.  _Liam_ . He didn't even know what he was doing when he pressed the callback button. Maybe he just wanted to make sure it was really just a dream. That he wasn't really gone. That he wasn't in that house alone  _again_ . His vision blurred, his hold on the phone loosened.

 

_Nonexistent. Nonexistent._

 

He didn't even sense Liam's voice on the other side of the line. All he knew was that at some point his legs quitted and he fell, he fell ... then blackness.

 

*

 

Liam was seriously scared. And worried. And pissed off. Because Theo didn't answer the phone, because he knew how high fever could make you weak and easily prone to lose consciousness, and because Theo was a stubborn jerk who constantly refused to admit his weaknesses and accept help. If he had listened to him from the beginning, this probably wouldn't have happened. Probably he would not be running like crazy the two miles that separated the cafe in which he was just before from home, repeating that the only reason he was so worried was because he was a civil and kind person by nature, and not because for some strange absurd reason, he found himself becoming fond of Theo. O _f Theo_ , of all THE people.

 

His good intentions to convince himself about this vanished into nothingness when he hastily opened the front door and found himself in front of a very passed out Theo in front of the telephone forniture, the telephone on the floor a few feet from him. His heart stopped for a moment, and turned pale. "Theo! Oh my God-" He threw himself at him, kneeling beside him and taking his face in his hands. "Damn" he gasped breathlessly "You're hot!"

Theo's eyelids flickered as he opened his eyes a little, glassy and gleaming with fever. Liam knew it was a serious matter, when Theo didn't comment on his choice of words, with some sarcastic joke like "I know I'm hot, Dunbar" Instead Theo met his gaze, his face completely sweaty, but he seemed relieved, a faint smile that tilted his lips. His eyes, however, were almost empty, as if he didn't really see him, as if he were still dreaming. "Theo .." Liam called again worried.

"You're..." Theo whispered in a weak voice. "You are here. You came back.” Liam's heart suddenly lost a beat as Theo closed his eyes and went back to sleep. "You ..." he whispered again, barely moving his lips. "..Mum" he gasped at the end. And he fell asleep.

 

Liam looked at him softly, even if slightly taken back. "Do not worry" he whispered, "It'll be okay"

 

*

 

Carry Theo from the floor to the couch it was probably the most hard thing that Liam had ever done in his whole life. He was certainly not skinny, but carrying someone like Theo, completely unconscious and helpless, was not  easy at all. For this reason, as much as it would have been better to let Theo rest in a real bed, he decided he would never be able to take him up the stairs without risking falling both and breaking their neck.

Once he was lying down, he covered him well, with a different blanket, just to be sure, and prepared sponges of warm water to lower his temperature. Then after boiling a second broth, he went upstairs to look for the supply of medicines that his mother usually kept in her bathroom.

 

It was evening when Theo gave signs of life again. Liam had been sitting in the armchair next to him, with the TV on, to be able to watch over him. He had briefly texted with Hayden, apologizing again for running away like that, until she asked him about the Theo situation. Watching the boy rest, his face now more serene and less sweaty, Liam had simply replied that he looked better. Now he felt calmer too.

When Theo moved, coughing, Liam looked at him before turning off the TV and getting up. He joined him kneeling beside the sofa. "Hey" he greeted him tentatively with a small smile.

Theo blinked, annoyed by the light or perhaps just confused by the situation. He still felt warm and slightly numb. "Hey" Theo echoed, his voice hoarse.

"Here" Liam grabbed a glass of water he had placed next to it in anticipation of his awakening, and handed it to him, helping him to drink. Theo sighed at the pleasant sensation of the cool water running down his dry throat. "You have to take this too" Liam said, taking a pill from the box and reaching for him. Theo, propping himself up on his elbow to half-sit against the arm of the sofa, shifted his gaze even more confused between the glass in his hand, the pill in Liam's hand and Liam's face. But he didn't have the strength to protest. He took the pill by swallowing it with a large sip of water. Liam got up and disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few seconds later with a broth on a tray. Theo looked at it almost sick, and Liam snorted. "I know you have no appetite, but you have to eat" he ordered cheerfully, placing it on the table in front of the sofa. "So .. how do you feel now?" Liam asked hesitantly, looking back at him

Theo stared at him for a few seconds. "What are you doing here?" He asked then. There was no bite or even surprise in his tone, it was just weak, with almost a slight tinge of hope ... perhaps? "W-what happened?" He added then, rubbing his forehead.

"The fever has come down now, you've been knocked out for a couple of hours"

"Hours ..? W-What time is it?"

"Nearly seven" Liam replied, with a quick glance at the clock on the wall that Theo couldn't see from his position.

"Seven?" Theo repeated, almost incredulous. "And your date?" He made a face.

Liam shrugged "Let's say I’ve put it off" he just said.

"Because of me?" Theo's heart skipped a beat as he sat up better, bringing the blanket tightly around his shoulders. He looked at Liam, who approached, sitting down in the seat Theo had left sitting and taking his legs to his chest. "I wouldn't say 'because of you' ... let's say more I couldn't let you die on the entrance floor, right?" Liam said, slightly. "I am the son of two doctors, how does that would make me look?" He joked.

Theo lowered his head "You shouldn't have, I could-"

"No." Theo looked up at Liam, taken back by his strong tone "Stop with this bullshit. I know you're good with the whole ‘make it on your own’ thing ... " Liam snapped, air quoting "But you have to understand that you are  _no longer_ on your own now. When you're sick ... when you're sad ... it's okay to count on the people you have close. We are here for this" Theo bit his lip nervously, avoiding the eyes of the boy sitting next to him. Liam hesitated taking a half breath before keeping to speak, his eyes still fixed on Theo's low look "... we won't leave you"

Theo looked up at him, eyes wide and almost frightened now. "You don't-"

"Wait" Liam interrupted, blushing. "I know now you will say something rude about me minding my own business or not talking about things I don't know, and it's probably true. Especially because it's hypocritical of me." Theo assumed a confused expression to the last sentence. "You told me you were willing to listen to me, but I didn't want to. So it's hypocritical of me to think that you should do it with me instead" he then explained, biting his lip nervously.

Theo sighed wearily. "Liam, that's not what-"

"Wait!" Theo gave him an exasperated look. "But you said I could talk to you because you could understand what it feels like to feel guilty, right? Well the same goes for you. You can talk to me, because I know how it feels like to feel alone. Not just for ... for my dad, but .... " Liam hesitated blushing "I've never been good with people, I build a wall around me unwittingly, and most people don't care to knock it off. They leave before trying to know you. I ... can understand how you feel. And I know how hard it is to talk about it" he admitted.

Theo snorted a mocking laugh "Why do you think I feel alone?"

Liam looked down at Theo's hands, especially on the right hand where the small scar was clearly visible. Almost without thinking, he stretched out his hand, his fingers tracing the mark slightly. This time Theo didn't push away, but winced slightly under the touch of Liam's warm, soft fingers. He swallowed, following the movement with his eyes, and his heart beating faster. Liam sighed, before returning to look at him "Mason and Hayden told me about Gabe ... and about your mother ..." he admitted slowly.

"They shouldn't have" Theo sighed in turn.

"No, probably ... it's something you have to tell, and not others." Theo shifted his gaze to the empty room but didn't answer. "You ... called your mother the whole time you were asleep" Liam murmured then, shyly. Theo pursed his lips, his heart skipping a beat at that line. "So ..." Liam said more forcefully, taking courage. "If you are still willing to listen to me, I want to tell you what happened in my old school ... And if you’d like, you can tell me about your mother"

 

Liam didn't know where all that determination came from. And he could not explain that need to  _get closer_ that he felt towards the boy in front of him. But he knew that Theo had unresolved issues, problems to deal with, as much as he did. This could be their meeting point. He could help himself, helping Theo. And Theo could do the same. They both had weaknesses, but they could keep each other strong. For the very first time, Liam allowed himself to think that they could be more than unwanted brothers, maybe they could be  _friends_ .

 

Theo looked at him in amazement. "Why do you want to talk to me about that?" He asked, almost surprised.

Liam shrugged again. "Because for some reason I trust you, and I know you can understand, perhaps, how I feel. Because I told you that you are not alone, and it's true, so I have to start thinking that maybe even I'm not alone"

Theo just stared at him, his tired eyes searching Liam’s face almost looking for a lie, as if he didn't believe it was all true, before he nodded weakly. "Okay" he finally sighed. "I will listen to you" He settled himself better on the sofa to be able to see Liam in the face "What happened?"

 

Liam took a deep breath, his eyes darting between Theo and his hands clasped nervously in his lap "If I have to start from the beginning ... let’s start from when I came back to Beacon Hills. I joined the Devenford Prep rather than public school, because it was the school my father had attended too, so ... it seemed right, I don't know. My mum... she was worried about me. I hadn't made many friends in Los Angeles, and moving again in such a short time could make things worse for me." Liam paused "Before leaving Beacon Hills five years ago, my mother was a nurse here, and she had a friend, a colleague ... Melissa was her name, and my mum knew she had a son about my age. So she tried to make us bond, taking me to their house and going to dinner together. And she succeeded. Scott McCall was probably the first real friend I had since Mason. He was two years older than me, but we were good. At school he became my rock, and I soon became friends with all his group. Stiles, his best friend, and their girlfriends, Lydia and Malia. They were popular, but they were simple people. Probably last year was the best year of my life.” Liam smiled sadly.

"And then ... what happened?"

Liam hesitated "What always happens. Everything went to hell"

  


**Six weeks before, tenth grade (Devenford Prep)**

 

When the bell rang, Liam hurriedly stuffed the books into his backpack, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket.

 

_Go to lunch meanwhile, I have to talk about something with the coach :)_

 

Scott had written to him a few minutes ago, and Liam already felt irremediably more anxious. He hated crowded places, but at least with Scott next to him he felt safe, almost protected. Somehow he gave him an almost unique security. He sighed, coming out of the door.

"Hey buddy!" An excited voice greeted him, grabbing him by the shoulders and making him jump. When he turned around, he rolled his eyes in exasperation, while a smile tilted his lips.

"Stiles, want to kill me?"

"Kill you? Maybe, it depends ... are you still wearing that awful Red Sox shirt?" Stiles gestured for him to unfasten his sweatshirt, but Liam slapped his hands away, puffing with amusement. "Stop it, Red Sox are the best"

"Yeah, if you like duffers" Stiles rolled his eyes.

Liam shook his head in exasperation "Where are Malia and Lydia?"

"We had different classes, probably they’re already in the cafeteria. Let's hurry up, I'm starving.” Stiles led the way turning right to go down the first flight of stairs. Liam looked at him amused as he walked down the steps two by two. "Hurry up, you slow poke" he shouted, as he started to turn on the landing and go down the second one.

But he found himself in front of Jackson. Stiles' smile wavered and he stopped in place, rolling his eyes, looking away, his hands going with a sigh to tighten the straps of his backpack. Liam stopped a few paces behind him as a grin spread across Jackson's face. "Well well, look who's here." Jackson folded his arms, and Liam swallowed, knowing that the umpteenth Lydia-themed argument was about to break out. Apparently Jackson didn’t quite hack being dumped ... for Stiles. Honestly, Liam wondered how Lydia could have gone out with a guy like that for years without killing him.

"Jackson, get out of my way, I don't want to argue with you today" Stiles said exasperated, and tried to pass him by pointing to the stairs behind him, but Jackson shoved him backward. Stiles pursed his lips, as if trying to restrain himself from doing something he would regret later. Liam winced and took half a step forward, undecided about what to do. The few people still on the landing stared at them now with wide eyes. Someone who was coming down or going up at the moment had stopped along the walls to stare curiously.

Jackson's face twisted into another sneer at the defiant expression on Stiles' face. "Do you think you have any chance against me, Stilinski? Just because that  _bitch_ chose to be with you, maybe now you think- " Nobody ever found out what he thought, because to the word  _'bitch'_ , Stiles' expression changed. Liam had never really seen Stiles furious as he was now. He threw himself forward grabbing Jackson by the collar, but his moment of glory didn't last long, because the moment his hands tightened on his shirt, Jackson punched him  _hard_ in the face, so hard that he made him fall backwards, against a group of girls standing at the corner. Someone shouted, and Liam saw red for a moment. "Hey, stop it!" He shouted, shoving him. Jackson gave him a teasing smile, staggering just slightly to Liam's thrust. "Oh look, so your trained little puppy can even speak then? I thought he just knew how to run after you guys, drooling and wagging his tail."

Liam blushed hard, and bowed his head, as he felt that someone was chuckling weakly, the embarrassment and shame that made their way under his skin in a way that made him feel suddenly like the kid of four years ago. Weak, helpless. But he wouldn't shut up this time. He, who knew how it felt like to be targeted, mocked, while everyone stayed motionless just staring, couldn't do it, especially not with one of his best friends.

 

Stiles rubbed his cheekbone, trying to get back at least seated from his corner. A girl had bent over him. "Let him alone" he mumbled weakly.

"Wasn't that enough for you, Stilinski?" Jackson said sarcastically, taking a step forward. But he froze when Liam got between him and Stiles. With his heart beating crazily and his face red, Liam swallowed, plucking up his courage. "G-go away, Jackson" he muttered.

Stiles looked at him almost astonished from below.

Jackson stared at him for a long moment before bursting out laughing. He looked around. "Did you hear him?" Then he returned to Liam, grabbing him by the edge of his shirt and pulling him upwards. Liam gasped. "What are you going to do, gnat?" He then whispered abruptly, their faces close together.

"I-I-"

"I-I-" Jackson monkeyed him. Liam flushed again, his fists tightening at his sides.

"Hey!" Someone screamed in the distance, startling everyone. "Jackson! Leave him alone!”

Liam lost a beat, relief that flooded him, hearing Scott's deep and reassuring voice. Jackson let him go, but didn't step away, just turning to look at Scott who had appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

Scott's face moved baffled between Jackson and Stiles still on the ground. His lips clenched, sighing almost tired.  _This story had to come to an end, damn ..._ he thought as he started to climb the stairs.

"Look, Dunbar, your daddy has just come... You can run to him crying and hide behind his back now, aren't you happy?" Jackson said ironically, looking back at him, still a few inches from his face "Sure, I thought McCall had better tastes. I didn't think that crybaby faggots were his type-"

 

It was then that something in Liam snapped. On the one hand, he felt the need to push that guy away from him, to put as much distance between them as possible, on the other he felt the anger mount, the need to hurt, to  _damage_ as Jackson had hurt him, or Stiles or Lydia for months.

Everything happened in a very short time. Liam's hands rose, and with an angry jerk, they went up to his chest, pushing him back violently. Jackson's expression would have been comical, his eyes wide and his mouth parted as he stepped back, if not all of them were aware that they were still at the top of the stairs. Which Liam had forgotten so far. It was as if everything happened in slow motion. Jackson staggered back, his foot slipping when he missed the ground under the first step, his hand trying in vain to grab the handrail before falling back. Scott who was climbing the last few steps looked up, wide-eyed, and that was the last thing Liam saw before Jackson fell against Scott, and the two rolled into a confused tangle of limbs down the flight of stairs.

Someone screamed. Liam stood motionless at the top of the stairs, his eyes wide open, unable to speak or do anything else but stare at the scene before him.

"Scott !!" Stiles shouted. Liam had just realized the fact that Stiles got up, and that he was running towards his best friend still on the ground.

"He doesn't move, he doesn't move!" A girl's voice cried somewhere in panic

Jackson writhed on the ground, moaning, a hand holding his left arm, evidently broken.

Stiles bent over Scott, motionless, and shook him, panic rising in his voice. "Scott, my god, wake up! Scott!" Stiles looked up at Liam, his anguished and twisted face meeting Liam’s blank one, and at that moment still petrified up there, he realized  _he had done all this._

"What's going on here?" Everyone made room for Principal Martin who was approaching in a hurry "Oh my God-" She put her hand on her mouth, before looking up the stairs and then bending over Scott. "Someone call 911 ...-"

 

The rest of the day was a confusing tangle of plain talks and phone calls for Liam.

 

**Present - tenth grade (Beacon Hills High School)**

 

Theo was silent when Liam finished his story. He looked at the boy, his eyes wet now and his voice trembling. "It was all my fault," Liam sighed at last. "Jackson got a broken arm, and he lost the lacrosse grant he was supposed to get at the end of the year-"

"Liam, that asshole had hit your friend, you were just trying to protect him-" Theo protested slowly, loosening his grip around his knees to get closer to Liam.

"It doesn't matter" Liam looked up, eyes now red "I still hurt him, much more than he did to any of us. There are no justifications. And-” He closed his eyes, a tear that slid down his cheek. "I killed one of the few friends I had in the world. The same one who was running towards me to help me"

Theo's breath froze, his heart skipped a beat "I didn't realize that-" he swallowed hard "-is-is he  _dead_ ?" He asked weakly.

Liam was silent for a moment. "It's like he is" he said then. "Almost two months have passed and he has not woken up yet." He bit his lip "A coma is considered irreversible .. after 8 weeks-"

"Then there is still time" Theo exclaimed, instinctively grasping Liam's hand "Liam , he's not dead, and it wasn't your fault  _at all_ . You didn't want to hurt anyone, it just happened, it was an accident. No one could blame you for it.”

Liam sniffed weakly. " _I_ can't stop thinking it was my fault." He shook his head. "Jackson's parents filed a complaint, but Melissa refused. And the sheriff said it would be filed as an accident"

"Because even they don't hold you responsible" Theo whispered firmly.

"But I don't have the heart to go visit him ... I don't have the heart to see Melissa, to meet Stiles. He writes and calls me constantly, but I don't know what to tell him."

Theo stood looking sadly at the boy in front of him, tightening his grip on his hand, drawing random circles on his knuckles. Liam looked up at him, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, a vulnerable expression on his face, but almost ... open.

"Liam, listen to me. I told you you could talk to me about it because I could understand you. So, you have to believe me when I tell you ... you need to face it. Whether you are at fault or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you  _feel_ guilty, regardless of what people tell you, it will always be like that. The only way is to face it. Face Scott. How you did face me. Running away, hiding ... will never solve anything. 

And if you ever get scared, if you want me ... when you're ready to do it, I'll come with you.”

Liam met Theo's deep green eyes, as if searching for some lie but found nothing but the same determination and firmness with which he was holding his hand. Liam swallowed weakly, his bright blue eyes unable to turn away from Theo's.

"Would you really come with me?" He asked weakly.

"Sure. What did you just say? You are not alone, right?" Theo replied with a smile.

Liam's lips tilted into a slight smile, then nodded, wiping his eyes "Right" Then he looked at Theo curiously. "You should get a fever more often" he added with a smile spreading across his red cheeks.

Theo snorted, looking down. "You know, I'm not as horrible as everyone thinks" he said with an ironic grimace.

"I do know" Liam said sincerely.

Theo sighed. At that point it was his turn, wasn't it? Liam had opened up with him, he had trusted with his biggest secret, his greatest fear. He had trusted him. Although it was something that went against his every rule, he felt he could do it with him. He could lower that wall if it was for Liam.

"I ..." He swallowed. "You're right, you know," he murmured, avoiding his gaze. "I keep people away and I do it on purpose, because I'm afraid they'll abandon me. Like my mother did. I'm afraid that if I let them know me, if  _I_ let  _me_ know them ... then I'll suffer more when they leave" he finally admitted. He looked up at the ceiling before taking a deep breath. "When I was little, I was almost always alone. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. He has always worked hard and a lots, because we could afford whatever we wanted. He did everything because we were fine, but sometimes maybe he forgot that what we needed the most was just him. My mum... I can barely remember her, right now. I was just seven when she left. But even before ... she wasn't ... she wasn't just an affectionate type. No hugs, no goodnight kisses, the thing I remember most is that she kept repeating me that I should never let anyone see me cry, because it was like showing others a weak spot. She always said that, which eventually became like an unspoken rule. And even today ... it's something that’s still some kind of part of me." He laughed bitterly "The only thing she left to me is this"

Liam looked at him hesitantly before asking the questions he had been wanted asking him for days "What happened to her?"

"She's gone, there's not much to say" Theo just said with a shrug.

"It can't be just this, Theo."

Theo squeezed his legs closer to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. "Since I was little, she did it often. Every now and then with the bag on her shoulder, she disappeared for a few days. Then she always came back. And even then, I thought she would do it sooner or later. Then time passed, and I ... I even started blaming my dad. I thought it was his fault, he was never at home, I felt lonely, and I thought that my mum also felt like that because of him. Then I began to think it was my fault, that I had done something wrong, I was a kid ... " He shook his head "Then one day about a year later I accidentally overheard a phone call between my dad and his lawyer. He had to send the divorce papers and my dad told him about my mother's new address and I decided to go there. Backpack on my shoulders, like I have to leave for the world tour." He snorted another laugh. "I found out that she had always lived a few miles away from us. And she had never bothered to come visit.” Theo sighed “I was so stupid. I was so happy to see her again."

"And what did she say?" Liam asked waiting, wide-open eyes.

"I don't know, I never got to ring the bell. When I approached, I saw my mother from the window. He was with another man. There was also a little girl, perhaps of my age and ... my mother had a baby in her arms. They looked like a family. We had never been like this. At that moment I did not understand well, I was a child, for me there was only my mother with a man who was not my dad, and two children who were not me. I felt ... replaced, replaceable, not essential. Only years later I did realize that if my mother had a baby in her arms, she must have become pregnant while she was still with my dad. And I realized that all those business trips or visits to a friend had always been excuses, she had cheated on my father all the time. She left us because he didn't need us anymore, because she had found something better." Theo shrugged "That's why I don't trust anyone. That's why I told you at the beginning that I wasn't interested in making this work. My dad had other relationships, all ended bad and quickly... Gabe's mother was one of them"

"That’s how he know about your mother?"

Theo snorted. "Probably my father confided in her, and she told Gabe. Then she left him after our fights" Theo laughed bitterly again, looking at his scar and shaking his head "Idiot, his son tried to  _stab_ me and she blamed me for punching him"

"You know, I don't know this Gabe, but hearing all of you talk about him, I hate him already” Liam muttered trying to break the tension.

"Won't you just be jealous of Hayden?" Theo said, raising an eyebrow ironic, choking the bad cold feeling running in his blood at that thought

Liam gave him an elbow "Let alone!"

"So why are you flushed?"

"Maybe you have passed me the fever" Liam said firmly.

"Surely" Theo rolled his eyes. Then his gaze lingered on the cold broth. "You know, nobody had ever taken care of me while I was sick. My mother sent me to bed, filled me with pills and told me to hold on that it would pass quickly. It's the first time someone really cares about how I'm doing." He looked at Liam, with a smile. "I should probably thank you"

Liam laughed a little, before the sadness hidden in Theo's voice reached him. "You know, I can't judge your mother, but ... if she was stupid enough to turn her back on you and your father, it was all her loss. She didn't deserve you. I may sound harsh, but if it made you feel so alone, then your mother wasn't worthy of being so-called"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't know how to explain it, you see, I think the point of leaving is-"

"Don't say coming back because I will punch you"

"No" Liam laughed shaking his head "I was about to say that the point is that leaving is just ... physical. My dad even before ... he died ... he often left. He was a doctor, he worked for Doctors Without Borders .. he helped people in need, for me he was like a real superhero" he admitted proudly "He was never at home, it's true, we saw him a few weeks a year. But I ... I never thought he had left me, I never  _felt_ abandoned by him. He was with me, always, he made sure that I always felt him close, and even now that he is gone, it will sound stupid but I feel him anyway."

"It's not stupid" Theo said softly

"What I meant is that leaving does not mean forgetting. And if your mother has forgotten about you, if she's never interested in keeping in touch... then she doesn't deserve to be called your mother. And she doesn't deserve you to suffer for her. You ..." Liam blushed slightly "-you are not replaceable. On the contrary-" He made an amused grimace, giving him a slight nudge "I'm pretty sure there isn't someone else annoying, stubborn and egocentric like you in the whole world"

Theo laughed "Don't forget charming, smart and funny"

"Not to mention modest" Liam snorted "Ah and you surely have the best stepbrother in the world"

"Sure" Theo agreed with a wave of his head and a smile, a pang of hurt at the word ‘stepbrother’.

Liam's gaze fell on the broth too. "I'll have to make you dinner again."

"Please, no broth" Theo pleaded.

Liam rolled his eyes "What do you want to eat?"

"Pizza"

"Pizza?"

"Pizza"

"How can you think about pizza now?"

"I have a fever, it doesn't mean I'm not hungry. And then I’m feeling better already"

"Sure, of course"

"I swear"

Liam was about to raise his hand and touch his forehead but then he stopped, remembering the last time. Theo looked at his hand in midair before looking him in the face with a defiant smile "Come on, see"

Liam looked at him surprised, before making a half smile, touching his forehead.

"Mmh you are warm" Theo fluttered shut to his touch, letting go to the pleasant cold feeling of Liam's hand on his warm skin. And if he was slightly flushed, he could blame the fever.

 

*

 

When a few hours later, Paul and Jenna came home, they looked around, following the sound of the tv in the living room. And there they found Theo and Liam blissfully asleep, surrounded by boxes of pizza, Theo wrapped in a blanket, his face resting on his arms intertwined on the arm, his legs bent to make room for Liam beside him, using the blanket piled up on Theo's ribs as a pillow. Paul put his arm around Jenna's shoulders, who smiled. "Our boys ..." she muttered affectionately.

"It seems like everything's fine, isn't it?" Paul whispered in her ear. "We were wrong to worry"

"Yeah... I'm happy. I feel that nothing can go wrong now"

"I think that too" Paul smiled, placing a kiss on her head. "Everything will be fine"

  


TO BE CONTINUED

  
  
  
 


	9. Grant a dance to me too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this took me longer, but this has been an awful week. My grandpa died, I had a car accident and I've been sick. Hope it's good anyway!

 

"-iam ... Liam ..."

 

Liam, his eyes still closed, made a groan of protest when someone shook him harshly, turning his face against the blanket as if to protect himself. "Some more, mum..." he mumbled confusedly.

Someone snorted.

"Liam, wake up or I swear to God that I throw you off this couch."

Liam's eyes widened when the message clearly came to his brain that no, it wasn't his mum who had been trying to wake him up for ten minutes. In the next few seconds he realized that his right hand was not resting on the mattress as he thought, but on a thigh.  _Theo's_ thigh. And that his head rested not on a pillow, but on the blanket piled up on a hip.  _Theo's_ hip _._ And when the thought of have being sleeping half spread on the other boy reached him, he sat up quickly, squeaking, trying at the same time to untangle his hands from the blanket and his legs from Theo's legs. It was the same moment when he rolled off the couch. Liam, face flushed with embarrassment, not sure if it was for sleeping over Theo or just for having fallen like an idiot, finally met the other’s eyes, who looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a half smile, a shadow of blush also on his cheeks ... probably because of the fever, Liam thought.

 

"Well, apparently you did it all by yourself" Theo murmured, smug, as his lips curled into a sardonic smile. Liam sat up with a groan, glaring at him. "You could just push me away," he muttered, rubbing his head.

"I tried," Theo said dramatically, sitting back and pulling the blanket away. "But you tried to bite me"

Liam stood up with a sigh, and then fell heavily back into his seat next to Theo, pushing him gently on his shoulder. "Don't oversell it now, you idiot."

Theo chuckled. "Seriously, you were sleeping so well, I wouldn't even have woken you up if it wasn't that you weren’t cutting off my circulation." he added, more gently.

Liam shook his head with a snort, then looked at him worriedly. "How are you feeling now? Looks like you still have a fever" Liam said.

"I'm fine" Theo rolled his eyes.

"Then why are you completely red?" Liam asked naively.

Theo felt his heart skip a beat, and instinctively put his hand on his cheek, almost as if he wanted to feel the heat to make sure. Seriously, had he just blushed because he had woken up with Liam resting on his side? ..His relaxed face, half-open mouth, and a hand resting gently on his leg ... He was probably blushed again now.  _Damn._ _What was this kid doing to him?_ Theo turned his head, suddenly finding the motifs that decorated the rug under the couch extremely interesting. "It ... it's just hot" he said dryly.

Liam rolled his eyes. "Yes of course"

"Hey if-"

"Oh you are finally awake!" Jenna's voice silenced the two who turned to look at the smiling woman, standing in the living room doorway.

"Hey mom!" Liam sprang up quickly, pulling his mother in a hug. "I missed you" Theo followed their moves with his eyes, a small smile that tilted his lips, feeling slightly uncomfortable standing there watching them, as if he were intruding on something intimate

"I missed you too, honey" Jenna muttered, loosening herself from the embrace and giving him a pat on the cheek, then right after turning a worried look at Theo. "Did you just say you have a fever, Theo?" she asked, reaching for him and immediately putting a hand on his forehead. Theo shifted uncomfortably.

"Ah .. um, no ... it's ... already gone"

"Yes, now you don't feel hot" she reflected, then scrutinizing him carefully as if searching for other visible ailments. "I'm sorry we weren't here, I-"

"Don't worry" Theo shook his head as a small smile tilted his lips. "Liam took  _good_ care of me."

Liam felt somehow blushing again from his place, still standing on the door.

"I'm sure of it" Jenna said with a smile, then ruffling Theo's hair fondly. "Now I'll make you something for breakfast, guys."

"Dad went out?" Theo then asked, following her with his eyes.

"Yes" her voice replied from the kitchen "He said he will try to get free for dinner, since today is Christmas Eve, it would be nice to have dinner all together, isn't it?"

Theo and Liam shared a look before answering together "Yeah" "Will be good"

 

Theo had never really had a family dinner for Christmas. Not even before his mother left, at least as far as he could remember. And even Liam, before they left for Los Angeles, when his mother still worked in the hospital as a nurse, often spent it alone, as Jenna's shift was almost always nightly. Later, when they left and she quit the job, contenting herself with occasional jobs as a cleaner or saleswoman or caregiver, most of the time they sat at their table at dinner alone, chatting and eating something quickly like every other day. The only difference was the exchange of gifts, that never missed. As if to remind one another,  _you're important, it's hard, we don't see each other often, but I'm here for you_

 

"How was the weekend?" Jenna spoke again. Theo and Liam looked at each other, stifling a laugh.

"Just the usual stuff" Theo just said, shrugging. "No biggie"

Liam decided it was better to keep quiet. Theo prayed that Jenna had forgotten about the $ 200, and asked no further questions. "Have you spent a lot?" Scratch that.

Theo's heart sped up as Jenna turned to open the fateful drawer. "Ah wait, I-"

Jenna raised a handful of bills, counting them and Theo looked at them in shock.  _What the hell-?_

"Only $ 30, I'm amazed" she chuckled, looking at them,

Liam shrugged, trying to be indifferent. "Theo wanted pizza" he just said. Theo was still baffled. Liam grabbed him by the shirt, dragging him away before his expression betrayed him. "Breakfast will be ready soon!" Jenna shouted behind them 

"Yeah" they said together climbing the stairs.

"You know, you should take a shower" Liam muttered, glancing at him.

"Uh? Are you telling me that I stink?" Theo smirked at him, Liam rolled his eyes

"No I'm just saying that a shower is a good way to heal quickly, Theo" he replied exasperated

"Okay..." Theo said, grabbing him by the sleeve and pushing him to turn around as soon as they were in the hallway. Liam looked at him hesitantly. "If you tell me where the hell that money came from. I have spent every penny" he whispered in disbelief. Liam laughed.

"I have my ways." Theo raised an eyebrow. "Years and years of ‘emergencies money’ set aside" Liam explained with a shrug.

Theo looked at him amazed and unsure. "Well ... thanks. You could have left she blame me.  _I_ spent that money after all. You shouldn't have lose yours. I'll give them back to you.” 

Liam shifted uncertainly. "Well I-I didn't do it for you, I mean ... she'd blame both of us. And m-maybe she would even have caught us, you know ... for the  _party_ " he stammered, whispering the last word, and avoiding Theo's gaze. "You don't owe me anything, it's okay"

An amused but at the same time fond smile for Liam's embarrassment spread on Theo’s lips, as he replied "As you say"

Liam gave him an unimpressed look. He was then distracted by the sound of a incoming text to his cell phone. Theo looked at him as he pulled it out of his jeans pocket. "Who is it?" He asked impulsively, regretting a second later.  _It wasn't any of his business,_ he cursed internally. But Liam replied quietly without hesitation "It's Hayden" Theo regretted even more to have asked. "You know, she was worried about you too" Liam explained, after typing something and putting the phone back in his pocket.

Theo snorted at those words. "Yeah of course" He seriously doubted that Hayden could even remotely worry  _about_ _him_ .

"You should give people more credit, you know." Liam rolled his eyes in exasperation.

Theo pursed his lips uncertainly, looking at the other boy. "You ... um, I'm sorry for your date" he said finally.

"Don't worry, it's not that bad" Liam muttered, blushing slightly again. "We'll do it again," he shrugged in an attempt to downplay it.

"So ... will you meet again?" Theo asked, his heart pounding painfully against his chest.

"I think so, yeah, maybe" he replied. "Now you should take that shower, you know, mom kills us if we skip breakfast" he joked, turning to face his room.

"Ah wait-"

"What is it?" Liam asked, surprised.

"That’s just - be careful"

Liam furrowed his brow in confusion. "About what?" He asked, not understanding.

"I know that Gabe and Hayden broke up, but- he is not- it will seem strange said by me, but believe me ... he is not a good person. It's ... a violent type, that's it. I think you noticed.” Theo vaguely raised his hand with the scar. "You never know how he could react, especially if he finds out that Hayden left him for another guy."

Liam widened his eyes and blushed. "But she didn't leave him for me!"

"Maybe, but it will be hard to explain to him if he find out that Hayden went out with you just a week after breaking up with him."

"I'll be careful then" Liam looked at Theo carefully, his heart inexplicably speeding up. He swallowed, biting his lower lip with his teeth. "Thank you" he added softly.

 

Theo didn't know how to define all this, but it was already the third time in half an hour that he blushed because of this little guy. Probably more than he ever blushed in all his life.

 

*

  


The days passed quickly. To Jenna's delight, they had managed to have their Christmas Eve dinner and even a family Christmas lunch. They sang stupid Christmas songs, drinking eggnog and hot chocolate in front of a movie, with Theo snorting in the background, but he would still sing anyway, a slight blush that lit up his cheeks. When Christmas morning they had exchanged gifts, Liam had immediately decided that the amazed and astonished expression on Theo's face at being give a gift that says above  _'by Liam'_ was probably one of the most ambitious goals reached that year. Together with  _living with Theo, forgive Theo, opening up with Theo, making Theo open up with him._ Liam was finding himself particularly confused by the way he seemed almost instinctively gravitated around the other boy lately. But among the excitement of the last few days, between parties, festivities and outings with Mason and the other boys, he had not given that much thoughts. He hadn't given much thought to anything, actually. Neither to Hayden - with whom he had continued to text quietly, without yet bringing up the topic ‘date’ - nor to Scott.

And he was ashamed of this. But the thought alone caused fear, anxiety and guilt to creep like poison into his veins all over again. But somehow talking to Theo had helped him. And he  _knew_ that Theo was right. He needed to  _face_ it more than anything else.

_Doing it_ however was another story.

 

*

 

Late in the afternoon of December 31st Liam was quietly in his room when Mason literally ran into his room. Without even knocking. Liam looked at him from the bed, sitting up. "Mase! I could be naked!" He protested.

"That was what I was hoping for" he joked, making his eyes roll, as his friend threw himself on the bed next to him, the excitement coming out of his face.

"What the hell is up to you?"

"Li, you need to get dressed!"

Liam looked at his body instinctively, scanning his clothes. "I thought I was"

Mason snorted "I mean dress  _dress,_ meaning that tonight ... I'll take you dancing!" Mason exclaimed, even more excited, a smile spreading across his face.

"Oh my God, not again" Liam groaned, the memory of the party ten days earlier still alive in his memory, and in his stomach.

"You don't have to drink, if you don't want to, but-" Mason immediately said, getting up and pulling him by the arm.

"But what ?!"

"But you  _will want it_ , that's the point" the other said with a grin.

Liam was almost terrified. "And where are we going?"

"Sinema, there is a Night for New Year's Eve, everyone will be there,  _and_ I found half-price pre-sales. Am I not a fucking genius?"

Liam laughed, shaking his head fondly. "Okay, I have to tell my mu-"

"Already done" Mason said quickly. Liam looked at him stunned. "Excuse me?"

"I already talked to your mother."

Now he was  _really_ terrified. "And what did you tell her, let's hear?"

Mason shrugged. "That we’ll have a little intimate party at my house"

Liam was shocked "Oh my God, you lied to my mother"

"You thought about telling her the truth?"

"Um ... no" 

"Well then you should thank me, because, Liam. .. " Mason looked at him dramatically "You're a bad liar "

"It's not true"

"It's true"

"It's not true"

"Liam" Mason admonished him.

Liam sighed defeated "Yes it's true"

Mason laughed, before aiming at his closet. "So ... you have something tight and  _short_ ?"

"What? I thought you had to dress up chic for New Year's Eve"

"Liam, it's Sinema, you don't have to be chic. You have to be naked, as much as possible."

 

Had Liam already said he was terrified?

 

*

 

The crowded places had always had the power to put Liam in awe. Squeezed into the tight black tank top that Mason had chosen for him, where 'tight' was probably an understatement here, he felt even more uncomfortable. Mason had dropped a bright pink drink into his hand, ordering him to relax and have fun, before Corey dragged him off to the dance floor. The psychedelic lights and the loud music were almost more intoxicating than alcohol, while Liam's eyes moved rapidly as if to capture everything around him. He had noticed Alec and Nolan in the fray, and the two of them gave him an enthusiastic wave with their hands before returning to dance like crazy. Then he caught a glimpse of Hayden and Tracy sitting at the bar, joined just after by Josh.

Liam raised his straw to his mouth and took a big gulp, the cold liquid burning his throat, and he was contemplating whether he should join Mason and Corey or not, when he heard someone put a hand on his back and a warm breath slightly smelling of alcohol, tickling his left ear. Liam winced just before the person spoke in a low voice.

"Relax and enjoy yourself, Li"

Liam's heart speeded up against his will as he turned quickly meeting Theo's smile, his low, hoarse voice still ringing in his head, his ear tickling where Theo’s breath had touched it. "What are you doing here?" He stammered, flustered.

"What you should do too, _enjoying myself_ " he said cheerfully.

Liam looked at him with an amused smile "Are you drunk?"

Theo grimaced sardonically "I'm on the right way. You should try it too.” Theo winked at him. "Don't worry, I'll hold you back if you do it"

Liam laughed "And who will hold  _you_ ?"

"Um, maybe we could watch each other's backs, what do you say?" Theo smiled cheerfully, raising a hand to muss his hair before head towards Josh, giving him a last amused look.

Liam found himself unable to look away, a blush spreading across his face, while his eyes slipped unconsciously from his shoulders to Theo's muscular arms, also tightened in a tank top, to his low back-

_What the hell- What are you thinking Liam ?_ Liam shook his head to himself, looking away and drinking the rest of his drink in one gulp.

 

From his seat at the bar, Tracy was still staring at him.

 

*

 

Two hours later Liam was definitely sweating. He was not drunk, because yes, he had promised himself that he would never be as sick as the previous week, and he intended to keep the deal, but he was  _cheerful,_ while he let himself be pulled here and there by Mason and Corey, who surely were drunk. At one point Liam wanted to talk to Hayden, driven by the courage infused in him by alcohol, Theo's warning about Gabe still in his mind, but the girl seemed to have disappeared. Just Josh and Tracy were left at the counter.

 

When the level of alcohol in Mason's and Corey's blood was sufficient for them to believe that they should disappear for a while on their own, Liam decided to return to the sidetrack. He ordered another drink and stopped to catch his breath, looking around. His gaze slid without stopping at the dozens of people around him, but stopped as if attracted by a magnet on Theo. He was busy talking to a blonde girl, whom Liam vaguely recognized as Erika, and had his back to him. But Liam could have recognized him everywhere. He wondered if it was normal to know how to find someone in a crowded room almost immediately, when he shared his daily life with him as the two of them did.

_Daily life_ , Liam thought, taking a sip of drink. Two months ago he never said he would ever associate that word to  _Theo Raeken._ And now, as he looked at Theo over there, his back to him, those few feet that separated them seemed like an infinite space.

When had Theo's presence next to him become a constant? To the point of looking at him now, thinking almost unconsciously  _You should be here beside me, you idiot_

 

Lost in his dizzy thoughts, Liam realized too late that he was no longer staring at Theo's neck, but at his face. And that Theo's eyes were now stuck to his own, again that bold little smile on his stupid face. Liam blushed, lowering his gaze immediately, embarrassed at being caught staring at him. He took another sip of his drink, finishing it off, and placing the glass on an empty table a few steps away.

 

"So" Theo's voice startled him for the umpteenth time that evening. Liam looked up to look at him, while with two last steps the boy came up in front of him "Are you really going to stay here all night?"

Liam pretended to be offended "Hey look I danced for almost two hours!"

"Of course" Theo said sarcastically.

"You know" Liam folded his arms "It's not my fault you were distracted by something  _else_ "

Liam jumped at his own words, it hadn't come out rough as he feared, did it? What the hell was he doing? Was he going out of his mind? If this was the effect that alcohol gave him, he would never seriously touch even a single glass.

He glanced hesitantly at Theo, but he didn't seem bothered. He was  _smiling_ .

In fact he approached him "What do you say then to grant a dance to me too?" He whispered, reaching Liam's right hand and taking it between his. Liam's heart sped up wildly  _"W-what?" He_ stammered voicelessly, with big eyes.

Theo, in response, walked backwards, an even bigger smile on his face, holding Liam's hand, who let himself be dragged onto the dancefloor, unable to do  _anything_ . His brain seemed to have momentarily dissociated itself from reality.

When Theo stopped, his thumb absently drawing abstract shapes on Liam's knuckles, Liam, standing in front of him, looked up faltering to meet his green eyes. Theo was not smiling now, but he kept staring at him, an expression on his face that Liam was unable to read. Then Theo put his other hand on his lower back, pulling him closer, and Liam shivered at the feeling of the delicate touch of Theo's fingertips, slightly attenuated by the fabric of the shirt he was wearing. He could almost swear he could feel the heat spreading in waves from that point.

Liam continued to look at him unsure, unable to stop his hectic heartbeat. He swallowed, wondering if his heart would come out of his chest at any moment. What the hell was going on? This was not something that had to happen. They were  _half-brothers_ , their parents had a serious relationship, they couldn't stand in the middle of a crowded nightclub full of people who knew them, one inch apart from each other. They weren't doing anything strange, it's true, but you know, rumors fly, people talk, everybody knows that. And then there was absolutely  _no way_ that he, Liam, could feel attracted to Theo, in any way. To  _Theo Raeken_ of all the people. It was impossible. It was something that would never have happened, something that could not,  _should not_ happen. Yet there was something about standing there in front of Theo, having him close, his light touch on his body, his hand in his, their eyes unable to turn away from each other, which yeah, it is true,  _terrified_ him, made him displaced and suddenly confused, but also made his body run through by an adrenaline rush. 

It was as if something had started since the night they finally opened up to each other. As if by deciding to free himself by the burden he carried in his heart with Theo, Liam had also freed something else. Like having opened a tap, a constant flow of emotions and feelings, which now he no longer knew how to close.

And part of him wanted to know  _more,_ the other knew that that was playing with fire. 

It was something  _frightfully_ tempting. Like when you know for sure that the flame of a candle will end up burning you, but you can't help, slowly and inexorably, approaching the tips of your fingers, waiting to feel the pain, strong and hard, just to do it again and again, hoping every time to finally be able to get  _closer_ , to resist more.

 

But Liam had never been so brave. He had never been so bold.

 

_I shouldn't feel this way._ Liam took a step back, and both of Theo's hands moved away from him as if the other had exactly read his thoughts. "I-I should go look for Mason" Liam stammered uneasily.

"Y-yeah... okay, okay" Theo hastened to agree, nervously shifting on the spot.  _What the hell did he just do? Had he crossed a line, had he? He had just ruined everything, right?_

Liam started to turn around, then swallowed back to look at him hesitantly "See you later?"

Theo looked at him, a smile of relief that broke his tense expression, nodding "Yes, yes, ok ... later"

Liam nodded in turn with a small smile before walking away.

  


"Hey here you go"

Tracy winced finally looking away from Theo as Liam walked away, watching Josh give her a drink. He looked at it suspiciously. "What is this for?"

Josh shrugged. "You looked like someone who needed to be lifted up"

Tracy snorted a faint laugh, looking back at Theo still standing and motionless. Josh sat next to her. "What are you thinking?" He asked slowly.

She didn't answer for a few seconds. "You know ..." she whispered almost dejected, while Theo held his forehead with one hand "He never looked at me like that"

  


*

 

Twenty minutes later, after wandering around the disco at least ten times , Liam finally spotted Mason and Corey sitting on the steps. Somehow his frantic search had at least served to calm his heartbeat and to push away what happened partly from his thoughts. Although the expression on Theo's face kept coming back to his mind. As if it were an image that was burned into his memory.  _God, will this end up being another problem that I won't be able to face?_ He wondered as he approached his two friends, while Mason was passing a glass of water to Corey, who was rubbing his temples.

When Liam was in front of him, Mason looked at him confused, raising an eyebrow "What did happen to you?"

Liam paled internally "Why?"

"You look upset" Mason said back, looking him concerned.

"And he's not the only one" Corey cried , drawing their attention to their right, where a very agitated Hayden was coming from. When she noticed them, she pointed at them immediately.

"Hey guys" she muttered restless.

"What happened?" Liam asked, worried.

She took a shuddering breath. "Okay, look, Liam, I'm so sorry ... I don't know how- but Gabe found out we went out together last week. He is here, and he is looking for you" she mumbled in distress.

Liam winced as Mason watched from Hayden at him "What? How does he know who he is?"

Hayden snorted in exasperation. "Some of his stupid friends saw us at the cafe and told him, and when he recognized Liam tonight, he called him. It's out now. I tried to talk to him, but he's not in the condition-"

"Okay, Liam, we're leaving,  _now_ " Mason said in a final tone. Corey nodded.

"Wait, no" Liam said, looking at them quickly "It's useless to leave now, in the meantime I'll end up meeting him again no? Better if I go to talk him"

" _What?_ " The other three did in chorus.

Corey jumped to his feet "No no Liam, forget it, believe me, he's not a person you can think of civilly talking ... no offense" he concluded looking at Hayden.

She snorted angrily. "Why do you think I broke up with him? Two weeks ago he was here and started a fight sending two freshmen to the hospital. They won’t let him in there for a month. He has crossed the line." Then she looked at Liam, pleading. "Liam, please, forget it, that's not the case"

"I have to do it. I have to face the problem" Liam mumbled, thinking back to Theo's words. He was right, he couldn't run away from every little problem that presented in front of him. He was already avoiding too many. "I'm going to talk to him!"

"Liam wai-" But Liam was already marching towards the door.

"Liam!" Hayden looked desperately at Mason and Corey before following the boy. Mason and Corey looked at each other and nodded. "I call the security" Corey murmured with conviction, taking a step to the right. Mason made one on the left. "Hey where are you going?" His boyfriend called him back.

"It bothers me, but I'm going to call Theo. He's the only one who can stand up to Gabe."

Corey hesitated a moment before nodding and moving away in the opposite direction.

  


*

 

Theo sat next to Josh and Tracy, a still-full drink in his hands, and the effects of alcohol slowly receding, staring at the dirty floor. He knew that something was wrong when Josh slapped his arm making him look up and saw Mason approaching them out of breath. He stopped in front of them, panting. "Hey. I hate to say it, but we need your help.”

_We?_ Theo raised an eyebrow, looking at him, before realizing. He gave Mason a trembling look. "Where's Liam?"

Mason sighed "Gabe"

It was all that was needed for Josh, Tracy and Theo to share a nervous look. Theo put the drink down on the counter and passed Mason, who shared glances with the other two before following him.

"I predict trouble" Josh said, standing up.

Tracy took the bag from the next stool, imitating him. "We just needed Gabe tonight."

 

*

 

As Liam strode down the parking lot of the Sinema, with Hayden at his heels, he wondered what he was going to say to this dude. He hadn't thought of it at all. That there was nothing between him and Hayden was partly true. But even that there was something, it wasn't really a lie. But whatever it was, it had happened  _after_ their breakup, so Gabe had no right to say a word. Not to mention the fact that, while marching among the various cars, the mere thought of the small scar that plowed Theo’s hand, of the words that Theo had told him Gabe had said about him that time, just served to increase his irritation .

It wasn't good. The last time he had felt so irritated was not over in the best way.

 

"Liam, stop!" Hayden jerked up to him, grabbing him by the wrist. Liam turned to look at her. "Please, listen to me, forget it, you will not solve anything by talking to him, he will give you a punch before you will even be able to say a word to him, I know him"

Liam sighed in dismay "Jeez, Hayden, but why did you go out with someone like that ?! Please tell me he never hurt you-"

"No! No! He would never have done that!" She exclaimed firmly, then sighed "I- I know he looks like a horrible person, but he's not-" Hayden laughed tired, shaking her head "It's that sometimes you're so taken by a person that you forget to look at his faults, everything passes into the background ... and you find yourself just hoping that you alone will be able to change them for the better, but-" Liam swallowed, biting his lip, the mind that slipped to Theo inevitable. He pushed away the thought though. "-It is not like that, he  _cannot_ change, believe me" Liam bit his undecided lip, and started to speak, when ...

 

"Oh, here you are" A voice a few feet from them made them start. Hayden paled, the hand holding Liam's wrist drew back immediately, as he passed Liam towards the boy in question, followed by three other guys. "Gabe, get out!" Hayden hissed angrily.

Gabe gave her a quiet smile "What is it? I just want to introduce myself to your new  _boyfriend._ "

"I told you, he's not my boyfriend" she replied firmly.

"The guy you're whoring yourself out then, better like this?" He laughed ruthless.

Hayden winced, and Liam stepped forward instinctively. "Hey you-!"

"Liam, please-" Hayden took two steps toward him "-let's go"

"With the fuck you go away with him!" Gabe snapped with a furious growl, grabbing Hayden by the shoulder and pulling her back. He didn't use much strength, but it was enough to make Hayden stumble making her fall to the ground. "Hey, you asshole-" Liam protested, jerking forward.

 

A second later he found himself with his face against the asphalt. Just when the pain in his cheekbone reached him, he did realize that Gabe had punched him without the slightest hesitation, with a sprint worthy of a professional boxer. Liam hadn't even seen it coming. 

He staggered trying to sit up at least, while Hayden was screaming something at Gabe. Liam could only hear a ringing in his ears, the pain that made his eyes water.

"Have you already been knocked out? Where did you find this little mush, Hayden?" Gabe laughed as Liam finally met his eye from the ground. His friends giggled behind him, and Liam realized that one was holding Hayden by an arm. "Let me go, asshole" she was sighing furiously. "Or what?" He teased.

"Stop it" Liam mumbled weakly. "Can we just talk about it?" He staggered, pushing himself to get up. "No need to-"

He had just half rised when another punch hit his nose. He fell back again. He vaguely heard Hayden scream and Gabe laughed loudly. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Gabe had knelt beside him, holding his chin in his right hand. "What a pity, you look so pretty" he said, faking displeasure. Liam coughed, trying to pull his hand away from himself. "But perhaps so you will learn to not mess up with the others’ girlfriend"

"It’s no-" Liam coughed "It's not like you think-" The third punch he didn't even feel it, seen how much he was already in pain. He groaned, the ringing in his ears that came back overwhelming, his sight that clouded over, while tears of pain and anger and frustration came down against his will.

"Let's see if you'll find him still cute with a broken face, uh" he heard Gabe say to Hayden as he stood up.

"You will be the one who will not be nice once I have broken your face-" Gabe turned abruptly to the direction from which he heard Theo's voice coming, his face contracting immediately in a furious expression. "Ah wait," Theo continued, stepping quickly towards them, a glacial expression on his face. "You're not cute even now"

"What the hell are you doing here? That doesn't concern you, Raeken.” Gabe quickly looked from Theo to Josh, Tracy and Mason who arrived right after him.

"It most definitely is my concern, it just so happens that the guy you just knocked out here-" Theo hesitated, his eyes lingering on Liam, a wave of anger that crumpled his stomach "-it's my brother"

Gabe took a second before bursting out laughing. "Great, so your dad found yet another substitute for that whore of yours mo-" When Theo gave Gabe a punch, no one was surprised. Gabe staggered slightly, then charged Theo hard and pushed him with his own body against the car behind them. Tracy gasped as she put her hand to her mouth, while Mason's eyes widened as he followed the scene leaning to Liam, praying for Corey to come soon. When the other two guys went to intervene to help Gabe, Josh came forward with a grin. "Oh no, don't even think about it"

 

It was there that the situation escalated. From when Theo had arrived to when Corey appeared with the security in tow, five minutes had passed, but what they found in front of them was a real battlefield. Liam had fainted a few seconds after Theo's arrival, while Mason, Tracy and Hayden, still blocked by Gabe's third friend, watched helplessly at the scene. The latter probably, judging from his face, was using the excuse of "I'm holding Hayden" just so as not to throw himself into the fight, because he didn't seem particularly convinced. But when he saw the security approaching, he paled and released her wrist. "Hey guys, let's go, there's security!" He shouted. The speed with which they ran away was worthy of the best Olympic runner.

 

Theo, sitting with his back against a car door, took a breath, bringing a hand to a cut on his left eyebrow, moaning weakly. He looked up at Josh, screaming insults at the four on the run. Then he heard the police sirens, and he knew they were fucked. He dropped his weight against the car. What a great start of the year.

 

TO BE CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also wanted to include the rest of the ‘night’ in the chapter but then it would come out excessively long, so I decided to split it into two parts ^__^


	10. That was worth it

 

The sheriff's station was strangely quieter than Theo expected. You could literally hear a pin drop, the only sound was their slow, tense breaths, and the hum of lights hanging from the ceiling, while they were waiting and waiting. And waiting.

Theo, his head thrown back against the wall near the door and his arms crossed over his chest, stared through the blinds at his father and Josh's parents backs who were talking to the sheriff, tapping his foot on the ground nervously. He didn't want to stay here. He didn't care to know what the sheriff was saying to his dad, and he didn't care about the grounding that surely awaited him. He just wanted to know how Liam was. He just wanted to run to him as soon as possible.

When the deputies had "invited" them to follow them to the station, they had called an ambulance for the other boy, and Corey, the only one apparently not involved in the fight, had followed him with his car. Theo shifted his gaze to Tracy and Hayden sitting resting on each other's shoulders, to Mason, who seemed to be staring blankly at his cell phone, to Josh holding an ice pack on his cheek. When he met his gaze, he gave him a silent shrug.

 

Hayden gave a heavy sigh, putting his hand on her forehead and Tracy looked at her worried, drawing circles on her back in comfort. "Maybe you should go home and get some rest. The sheriff has already heard your statement, there's no need to stay here"

"I don't want to go home, all I want to do now is smash Gabe's face" she mumbled angrily. He released another frustrated breath before jumping up. Tracy looked at her worriedly. "Where do you think you're going now?"

"I'm going to look for him" she just said, walking straight towards the exit.

 

Theo grabbed her wrist firmly as she passed him. Hayden looked at him annoyed. "What do you want, Theo? Let me go-" she protested, trying to free herself.

"Don't do it" he replied coldly. "It is enough that Liam has been involved in all this, all we need now is having to worry about you too" Hayden stopped trying to break free and froze, looking almost surprised. Theo let her wrist go, and continued without looking at her. "I know it's none of my business, but- you should just stay away from him. He's dangerous, everyone around him gets hurt, can't you see it? And you could be the next one, I won't let you out of that door."

"He ... he would never hurt me" Hayden protested weakly, instinctively clutching her wrist where Gabe's friend had left her a small bruise, while her surprised gaze directed at Theo became more arched. Even Mason and Tracy were looking at him the same way, only Josh for some reason didn't seem surprised.

"You could never know" Theo replied, trying to ignore them.

Hayden stared at him for a second. "Why do you care?" she asked faltering.

"I don't care" Theo felt his own heart skip to the lie. And judging by the exasperated expressions of everyone, no one had believed it. Theo sighed before looking at Tracy.

"Tracy" The girl gasped, feeling called into question. "You should accompany Hayden home, you don't need to stay here again, both of you" he said forcefully.

"Uh ..." Tracy said taken back before she nodded and stood up, reaching Hayden, still standing at the door, almost as if she were undecided about having her own way or listening to Theo for the first time in her life probably.

Tracy put her hand on her shoulder "Shall we go?"

After a few seconds Hayden sighed defeated "Let's go" She looked at the boys one by one. "Look, I'm sorry for tonight, guys,  _really_ "

"None of this is your fault, Hayden" Mason replied gently, smiling at her. Josh did the same. Theo said nothing. But Hayden looked at him. "Theo, tell Liam I said sorry"

Theo felt a tightening in his chest to hear Liam's name, but he snorted a fond half laugh "That idiot would never blame you for this, but if you really want to apologize, you should do it in person"

"I think I will ... Night, guys"

"Let us know if something happens"

"Sure"

 

When the girls disappeared, silence fell again. The only noise now was of the deputy, whose bedge was saying Parrish, who was typing something on the keyboard. Theo was back to feeling restless, his only thought was  _Liam, Liam, Liam_ . He cursed himself for his habit of leaving his cell phone in his car when he went to the Sinema, and for a moment he thought of asking Mason if he had received any news from Corey, but given the way Mason was staring at him almost as if he wanted to dismember him to study him piece by piece, he thought to avoid. In any case, if Mason had known something he would have been the first to share it, wouldn’t he?

 

Josh seemed to share his frustration, because at some point he started tapping his foot on the ground, turning repeatedly to spy over the glass behind him. Eventually he gave up, banging his head against the wall and sighing in frustration. "I swear that I will kill Gabe for this, he must pray that I never get my hands on him again or I swear to God that I will-"

"You what?" A harsh voice interrupted him, giving him a light slap on the back of his neck. Josh looked up at his father who had just opened the door. "Look at the state of you!" he added, looking at the bruise on his cheekbone and shaking his head severely, while his wife appeared next to him.

"You should see the state the others were" Josh said with a grin, earning another slap. Mason hid an exasperated smile behind his hand.

"You're lucky Sheriff Stilinski is an understanding person. Apparently this kid, Gabe or whatever his name is.. he knows him well. He has already given a lot of trouble."

"So ... nothing will happen to us?" Josh asked hopefully.

"Oh no, my dear, know that you are grounded until you graduate"

"Uh I thought worse" he exclaimed relieved.

The man rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Come on, let's go" he sighed, and grabbed him by the shoulder, pulling him to his feet. Josh motioned for Theo to call him while his parents pushed him out.

 

Five minutes later the silence could no longer be called tense, but only awkwardly embarrassing. First of all, Theo didn't remember ever being actually alone with Mason, and the way the other one was staring at him for almost half an hour was downright unnerving. Theo glanced at his dad over the window, still caught up in a tense conversation with the sheriff, before emitting an exasperated snort. "Will you quit it?"

Mason started. "Doing what?"

"To stare at me, it's disturbing, if you have something to say, just tell me" he snapped. "Do you think I'm an idiot? Do you think I'm an asshole? A  _violent one_ ? That I have no right to judge Gabe because I am just like him? That-?"

"Thank you" Mason said suddenly, looking at him with big eyes after his rant.

Theo looked at him bewildered. "Excuse me?"

"I didn't know how to say it ... or  _if_ to say it. You know, you can be an idiot sometimes, and you're definitely an asshole ... but you're not like Gabe. You ran to Liam before I even asked you anything, and you stopped Hayden from doing something stupid, so ...  _thank you_ "

Theo strongly avoided his eyes, uncomfortable. "You don't have to thank me, anyone would have done it" he said dryly.

"You know that's not true" Mason twisted his hands in his lap "You know, Liam had told me you weren't ... so bad as you looked like, but I didn't believe him-" Theo's heart skipped a beat and stood up his eyes unsure on the other boy "-till tonight"

"You definitely took your time" Theo said sarcastically.

"You definitely didn't do anything to help your case" Mason snorted.

"It's not like you can say you know me" Theo protested.

"It's not like you've ever given me a chance!" Theo fell silent, and looked down, swallowing. Mason shook his head "You were a jerk with Liam as kids, and you have been an asshole with Corey last year, and with so many other people to be honest - but that doesn't make you a bad person" He looked at him for a moment. "It just makes you an idiot" he concluded with a smile. Theo reluctantly let himself go for a little laugh. "And if Liam is just as idiot to give you a chance, then I can do it too, can’t I?"

"I don't think Corey would agree with that."

Mason shrugged "He will be ... after tonight" Theo looked at him confused. "I always thought we had nothing in common, and that for this reason we could never get along. But now .. we have it, something in common, I mean- and the same goes for Corey.” At Theo's even more confused look, Mason continued. " _Liam_ " Theo's heart skipped a beat again. He had to learn to control himself, it was enough his name alone, his only thought to drive him crazy lately. The memory of when they had barely danced that night showed up in his mind overwhelmingly. At that moment it seemed like a lifetime had passed, it didn't seem like something happened just a few hours ago. Theo shook his head to get the thought out of his mind and went back to focusing on Mason. "If someone is willing to do what you did to protect my friend, then he's a cool enough guy for me. And I know Corey will agree. Maybe he'll need more time, but he will"

"Are you saying that we're best buddies now?" Theo joked. He needed to break the tension somehow.

"Never" Mason said slightly, a small smile that tilted his lips. The sound of a notification on Mason's cell phone definitively broke the subject for his joy. Mason took the phone "It's Corey" he said anxiously. Then he heaved a sigh of relief "It's okay, Liam is fine, apparently it wasn't as bad as it looked, they even let him out. Jenna just brought him home.”

Theo felt a wave of relief flood him slowly as the tension left his shoulders, leaving him with an overwhelming weariness. His mind emptied for a moment and he let his head fall back against the wall.  _It had gone well._ Now all he needed was his dad to come out of there, and he could go to Liam. He needed to see him with his own eyes to be completely calm.

He turned back to Mason, looking for a distraction. "Why are you still here? The deputy has already made your statement, no need to wait-"

Mason shrugged. "I couldn't sleep at home anyway, I might as well keep you company" he said simply.

"You know, I think we could say that we really had a new fresh start this year" Theo joked.

Mason smiled "Yeah we had"

 

Surely their elementary self would never have believed it possible to find themselves one day that way. The five of them, together, standing to protect ... to help  _Liam_ . In one way or another, Liam had changed something. He had done it when he left, he had done it by returning. It was as if something was evolving right there in front of Theo's eyes, as if things he thought were broken were suddenly making right. He didn't know exactly what it was or how, but something had definitely changed during those two months. And surely it was all thanks to Liam.

  
  
  
 

Another half hour passed before Paul came out with a sigh from the sheriff's office. Theo immediately got to his feet and Paul looked at him with a worried expression. "So?" Theo asked sharply.

Paul looked first at Mason then returned to his son, running a hand through his hair. "I think I'll go home now" Mason said, standing up. He looked at Theo "Say hi to Liam for me, and tell him I'll come visit by tomorrow"

"Okay"

"Night Theo" Mason looked at Paul "Mr. Raeken" he greeted him, before slowly stepping out the door.

"You didn't, did you?" Theo asked slowly after a few seconds of an intense exchange of glances. Paul waited a moment before shaking his head. " _Dad_ !" Theo protested angrily. "That asshole hit me with a knife once, and you didn't want to report him. Now he has beaten Liam almost to  _death_ , and you have you not wanted to report him  _again_ ? For what? For that stupid woman who didn't even know how to appreciate you!"

"I know you're angry, son, and I'm the first to say that maybe I was wrong the first time, but this wasn't my choice. But Liam’s"

"What?" Theo stopped in surprise before shaking his head in exasperation. "Yeah, of course, that idiot-"

"Theo, we must seriously talk about this. You and Gabe- I know that-” Paul began sadly.

Theo snorted angrily, turning and starting to make his way to the door "Not now, now I just want to go to Liam"

Paul strode out of the police station. "You know, Theo- for what it's worth-" he shouted after him. Theo stopped and turned to look at his father.  He met his smile with confusion.

"What do you have now to smile for?"

"Nothing, it's just that ... I'm proud of you."

"Seriously? Are you proud that I beat someone up? Wow they will surely give you the father of the year award" he snorted sarcastically

"You know, this perennially sarcastic attitude of yours is exasperating, son" Paul shook his head. "Yeah, I'm proud of you. Because you did it to help someone who wasn't yourself for once. You did it to help Liam."

Theo rolled his eyes. "I don't want to have a touching father-son conversation with you right now" he said lightly.

"Well, neither do I. But I'm happy, know it. Usually you never laughed ... instead since Jenna and Liam moved in, you're ... less flat. You laugh a lot, you get angry, you actually speak when something bothers you ..."

"I didn't know my anger was the source of your happiness"

"You know what I mean Theo"

Theo sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "What do you want me to say?"

"Are _you_ happy?"

"Not much now" Paul glared at him and Theo rolled his eyes "But yeah, when someone doesn't try to tear me or my friends apart, yeah, I tend to be happy. Things are .. smooth, I think"

"Good" Paul passed him by taking out the car keys. "Come on, I'll take you to pick up your pickup."

"Okay" Theo just said before getting into the car.

 

*

 

"I can't believe you lied to me" Jenna muttered , tapping with a wet handkerchief to wipe away the blood left on Liam's face.

"I'm so sorry, mom" Liam said, his voice slightly nasal. “Actually,  _Mason_ lied to you” Jenna gave him a look that could only mean ‘it’s not time for that’

She sighed. "I always feared someone might target you, but this- this is-" She shook her head, moving her gaze from his slightly swollen nose to the big bruise on his right cheekbone.

"It's not like you think, Mom, it's nothing serious"

"Nothing serious? And tell me, is that why you have a black eye and Melissa had to fix your nose? Is that why Theo and your friends are at the police station now?” She asked ironically.

Liam swallowed at the thought. "What will happen?"

Jenna sighed wearily "Nothing, honey, they will answer a few questions and that's it."

"And what about Gabe?"

"I told Paul that you preferred not to report him, honey. Although I must admit, I don't agree at all.” Jenna lowered her hand, meeting Liam's eyes, sitting on the bed, his back against several pillows. Liam avoided firmly her gaze. "I ... I didn't want to create other problems,ù" he mumbled weakly. He knew it wasn't actually the whole truth. He raised his hand instinctively to touch his aching nose, and he could not find the strength to hate Gabe for this, not when he himself had been the cause of the exact same pain for someone else. He swallowed, and his mother stroked his hair fondly. "Are you OK? Do you need anything else?"

Liam shook his head. "Well, I'll let you rest for a while, okay?" Jenna leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, careful not to hurt him.

Liam watched her stand up tiredly "I'm sorry, mom" he repeated weakly.

Jenna smiled at him. "You don't need to be, honey. Now sleep a little.” 

Liam seriously doubted that he would be able to sleep tonight, the thousand thoughts that crowded his mind probably would keep him awake for weeks. After his mother left, he sat, but closed his eyes, pulling his head back.

The pain in his face was much less now, certainly due to the painkillers he had been given at the hospital. The doctors had also warned him that probably the bruises and the swelling would get worse in the following days, but that he would disappear in a week or two. What he couldn't really put up with was the thought that the others, especially Theo, were in trouble because of him. It had been his idea to talk to Gabe, he hoped to prove something to himself, instead he had endangered Hayden first, and then everyone else. He had confused memories of the fight, as confused was the moment when the others had joined them. He just remembered that at one point Mason was next to him, and that he could see Theo facing Gabe right above him. Then nothing more. It was embarrassing to say, but he must have fainted like a real sissy. A wave of embarrassment washed over him and he blushed, shaking his head.

At the same time, a strange grip on his chest, at the idea of Theo standing against Gabe for him, mixed with his physical pain and embarrassment and guilt. He  _protected_ him. His heart fluttered at the image that had formed in his mind.  _"He's my brother"_ he vaguely remembered hearing Theo say before he fainted. And for the first time those words he had been waiting to hear for almost two months had appeared almost dissonant.  _Wrong_ . As if they weren't the words Theo should have said. As if they weren't the words Liam wanted to hear. 

_All this is so damn wrong._ Liam remembered the way they danced, how his body seemed to react to the other boy's proximity. The way he wanted to get closer and run away almost at the same time. But it was wrong. And it was crazy. Because that was  _Theo_ . Theo who was damn hot and attractive, it's true, but nothing more. Somehow he had begun to worry about the other boy, and he had learned to look at Theo under a new light. He was no longer just the bully and arrogant kid who had mistreated him as a child, but it was the person who understood him, who had listened to him and who had taken care of him in his own way. He had come to know the  _real_ Theo. And he was probably one of the few to have ever seen him. Maybe ... maybe he was just projecting after all. It is normal to feel confused in front of kind and caring gestures, especially of people you would never expect it from, which is probably why he felt that way. Yeah, it was obvious, no way in hell he could ..- No it was impossible.

 

When someone knocked on the door, Liam winced as he snapped out of his thoughts. "W-who is it?"

"Hey Li" Theo's voice came muffled from behind the door. Liam's heart suddenly sped up, and Liam refused to think that his amazing monologue from a short time ago had been completely useless. "Can I come in?"

"Uh .. e-yeah" he stammered. He looked up at Theo the moment he opened the door, and his breath caught, his eyes drifting instinctively to the wound on his left eyebrow.

"Hey" Theo greeted him, slowly approaching "How are you feeling?" he asked sitting on the bed next to Liam’s legs.

"And you?" Liam asked weakly, still looking almost scared at the wound. Theo seemed to remember only now about the cut and brought his fingers to touch it. "Me? This is nothing, your mom says I need stitches, but it doesn't seem so serious to me" he replied as if nothing had happened. Then he paused to look at Liam's bruised face, a wave of anger twisting his stomach, but he winced as he met his watery eyes. "I'm so sorry, Theo" he whispered weakly.

"What-? What are you talking about? It wasn't your fault."

"Someone is hurt because of me ...  _again_ ." Theo couldn't help but feel his heart cling to the distressed expression on Liam's face. Of course, he thought of Scott. Theo should have thought that this story would have brought back bad memories in Liam.

"Hey" Instinctively he covered Liam's hand with his, squeezing it. Liam looked at him hesitantly. "It wasn't your fault. Do you see this?" Theo pointed to the wound "It's true, it hurts now, but it was worth it, and you know why? Because it served to protect you.” Theo smiled at him. "And you know, if Scott cares about you so much as I care -" Liam's heart sped up again at those words "- I'm sure that when he wakes up, he'll think the same way. And I'm sure - that when it happens, he'd like to see you next to him."

Liam looked at him silently for a moment, his heart pounding against his chest, his eyes still big and shiny. "You ... care about me?"

Theo's heart jumped when he realized what he had said in the heat of the moment.  _Had it sound out of place? Strange? Had he overstep it?_ So Theo resorted to the only solution he knew to avoid uncomfortable and excessively serious conversations. Sarcasm.

"Sure! You know, I don't give gifts to everyone" he said with a smirk.

Liam narrowed his eyes in his direction "You didn't give me anything for Christmas, you asshole" he reminded him with a half smile.

"Well I have something for you now." Theo chuckled as he raised a white box that Liam hadn't noticed at first, too busy staring at the wound on his face.

Liam recognized it immediately. "That is-?"

"It's definitely not up to your gift, though-" Theo handed him the box "My grandmother always said that ice cream is the best antidote for sadness... I don't know if it's true..." He shrugged while Liam smiled. "It is"

"Great, then would you like to share it with me?" Theo snorted. Liam chuckled as he moved slowly to make room for Theo beside him. "Here" Theo pulled out two spoons from his pocket and Liam looked at him amused. "What? You always have to be prepared, don't you know? It's the first scout rule."

"You would have been a great boy scout" Liam agreed ironically, as he picked up the spoon.

"You can say that" Liam smiled as he opened the box. He winced when he saw what Theo had chosen. "This is -?"

"Pistachio" Theo replied cheerfully, removing the lid from his hands and placing it on the bedside table. Liam started to say something but Theo was faster. "It's your favorite, isn't it?" He asked faltering. Liam's heart skipped a beat again. "Ho-?"  _How do you know?_ That was what he wanted to ask. But then he remembered saying it once. A few weeks ago, talking to Mason about Hayden.  _How to let her know that my favorite ice cream flavor is pistachio will make me end up making out with her?_ His heart quickened again at the idea that Theo was paying attention to his words to the point of remembering such a stupid and trivial detail at a time like this. "Isn't it?" Theo then asked in a flurry.

"Y-yes, it is" Liam murmured, smiling and looking up to stare at him.

"Come on, I let you the honor to start" Liam smiled, his cheeks flushed and his heart still beating fast, while he tried in every way to repeat himself that not, that meant absolutely nothing.

 

As they slowly attacked the ice cream, Liam remained silent, and Theo also seemed lost in his thoughts. In fact, a few minutes later he turned to look at him intently. "Can I ask you something?" He asked suddenly, making Liam turn toward him. He nodded. "You have to be honest though" Liam shifted nervously. "The reason why you didn't want my dad to report Gabe ... is it because you think you two are somehow similar?" Liam's breath froze. "Do you think that you hurting Scott and Jackson is like him hurting you? ‘Cause Liam, it is not, and you should know it"

Liam swallowed the mouthful he had in his mouth, a wave of frost coming down his throat that had nothing to do with the ice cream he had just swallowed.

"I know, it's just that-"

"Please tell me you don't think you  _deserved_ to be beaten up, because I swear to God that I will punch you too" Theo exclaimed eagerly. Liam's heart skipped a beat.  _God, how was it possible that this guy could read him so damn well?_ His expression had to betray him because Theo sighed frustrated "I knew it, you're a real idiot, you know?" he muttered shaking his head fondly. "Do you think I deserve to be beaten because I injured Gabe for hurting you?" He then asked suddenly

"Wha- No!"

"Do you think it's your fault if I, of  _my_ choice, have stepped in to help you ending up hurting myself?"

Liam remained silent for a moment "No .." he mumbled then less convinced. "But Scott - it was really my fault-"

"Maybe you're the reason he ended up hurt, that's true, but it's not something you  _wanted to_ do. This makes you different from Gabe. Gabe ran away leaving us there, without worrying about what he had done. The real question now is if you want to continue running away too. That's what really makes the difference" Theo concluded. 

Liam swallowed, his heart speeding up again. Theo was right. Facing Gabe ... he thought it was a way to avoid running away again, but instead he was doing it again. He was running away, looking for ways to blame himself, for punishing himself ... but avoiding the real problem. And he needed to stop doing it. He finally realized it.

He looked at Theo. His green eyes looked into his in a way that seemed to be reading his soul, and maybe he was really doing it. Suddenly it was harder to ignore the feeling of Theo's body, hot and pressed against his. It was like a lifeline. As a solution to all his problems. For the first time Liam felt like he could face anything.

 

But he didn't dare to ask himself what all this meant.

  


TO BE CONTINUED

  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the end of chapter nine, but I splited it in two, that's why it's shorter, sorry ^^


	11. The one I wish I could love

 

"Oh my god, do you want to stop it?" Liam snorted annoyed.

Jenna and Theo instantly froze, Jenna sitting next to him on the couch, still bent to arrange the pillows behind his back, and Theo standing in front of him with another pillow in his hand. He had been acting all day as if he were dying on his deathbed. It was  _so_ frustrating.

He shifted on the couch to finally find a comfortable position. "Wait, honey, just let me fix this-" Jenna hurried to speak, but Liam slapped her hand away with a exasperated smile. "Stop it, I told you I'm fine! The pillow are affixed, my coffee was not too hot, and definitely I do not need any help to take a bath!"

Jenna looked at him puzzled,"I never asked you if you need help to bathe!"

"That was Theo actually" Liam replied, trying not to blush again at the memory.

Theo rolled his eyes. "It was a joke, Dunbar, relax"  _Not really, actually._ "And anyway this pillow ..." Theo threw himself on the couch bodily "...was for me" he concluded with a grin, placing it behind his back. Liam looked at him sideways, not convinced at all.

Jenna chuckled, shaking her head fondly, before getting up. Liam followed her with a hesitant look. "Mom, do you think I could go out later?" He asked pleadingly.

Jenna looked at him frowning. "Is it really necessary, honey?"

Liam shrugged. "There’s something I need to do" 

"Does it involve bar fights or arguments of any kind?"

"Not exactly" Jenna raised an eyebrow. "I mean ... absolutely not."

The woman sighed. "I'll go to the hospital later, so it's okay only if I can drop you there and pick you up later."

Liam's heart skipped a beat. "Hospital? Why the hospital?”

Jenna shrugged indifferently, though her expression said something else. "I ... this whole story made me think ... and I thought ... maybe I could take back my old job ..." she murmured faltering. Then she looked at Liam "What do you think?"

A smile spread across Liam's face. "It's great, Mom! You love to be a nurse!"

"Yeah ... I mean ... I thought that I had stopped to take care of you but by now you are grown up... both of you are" Her face also slipped on Theo. Then she smiled sardonically "And  _apparently_ you don't need me"

Liam rolled his eyes "I'll always need you, mom" he answered sincerely. "But you should do it, if that's what you want."

"It is" Jenna replied with a smile. "So where do you need to go, honey?"

Liam hesitated. The prospect now already alarmed him. "Ah you know .. I think I'll go tomorrow, yeah-" he answered, with a wave of his hand. Theo looked at him, intrigued by his vague tone and by the sudden change in his mind but he said nothing.

His mother also seemed suspicious, until then she smiled at him. "I know what it is- you're ashamed to let your mom drop you to your little girlfriend’s house?"

Liam blushed furiously. "It's not - it's not true, I mean- I'm not ashamed, because I don't have to go to my  _little girlfriend_ , something Hayden is not anyway-" he stammered.

"It would be the least of her since you took a punch for her" Jenna remarked quietly.

" _Mom_ !" Liam murmured, bewildered. "Hayden has no any fault in all this"

"If not the fault of having a bad taste in boys" Theo stepped in wisely. Liam scowled at him, but he couldn't exactly argue about this.

"I'm just worried, are you going to see her again, Liam?" Jenna asked as shameless as usual.

"I'm not going to answer that" Liam murmured in reply, blushing again. "Anyway, you don't have to worry ... about Gabe I mean. Hayden told me that the sheriff managed to talk some sense in his mother. And with 'talk some sense' I mean that he told her that at the next minimum infraction he would send him to juvie and then to jail. She will let him stay with his father in New York for a while."

Theo leaned towards him "Are you telling me that I won't see his ugly face any more?" He asked, feigning commotion, while holding a hand on his heart.

Liam laughed. "Yeah, apparently."

"Well, I can't say I'm not happy," Jenna muttered, shaking her head. "Well I leave you now, are you sure you don't need anything, honey?"

"No mom" Liam sighed with a smile, then looked at her proudly "Go get your job back"

Jenna smiled back "Count it"

 

When the door closed behind the woman, Theo looked at Liam. "Are you not really going to go out?"

Liam shrugged uncertainly, avoiding his gaze "It wasn't ... urgent. It can wait for tomorrow."

Theo looked at him carefully. He could see that there was something strange about Liam, some thought that had haunted him since the previous day. Theo pursed his lips. He was also curious if he intended to see Hayden again after what had happened, but he didn't find the guts to ask. He was too afraid to hear the answer, so he decided to change the subject. Liam seemed to appreciate it. "Mason will come today too?" He asked.

"Uh no, he and the others will pass by tomorrow morning" Liam replied quickly.

"Well, then ..." Theo looked at him hesitantly. "Do you want a movie and a pizza?"

Liam turned fast to look at him, with big eyes "Uh .. you mean .. here?" He mumbled. He cursed himself internally.  _Of course Theo meant here, you idiot. It's not like he's asking you out for a date._

"Well I don't think your mother would agree with the idea that we would go out to the movies, but- if that's what you want-" Theo raised an eyebrow caught off guard.

Liam blushed again, fussing over his seat on the couch "No, I- I mean, yes ... it’s okay here" he stammered awkwardly, avoiding his gaze

"Okay" Theo answered slowly, his heart speeding up for some reason.  _What is happening?_ He wondered hesitantly.

"I call the pizzeria, you choose a movie" Liam said quickly, getting up. Theo followed him with his eyes, unable to stop the pleasant sensation of warm hope that swelled in his chest for some reason.

 

*

  


"Well then ... what do you feel like? Call of Duty or Street Fighters?” Mason asked, swinging the two boxes in front of his eyes as he and Corey were sitting comfortably on the floor in front of the TV.

"Call of Duty. No more punches, thank you" Liam replied quietly.

Mason giggled promptly. Corey turned to look at Liam with a searching look. "You know, the bad boy look suits you, Li, you should consider it"

"No way" both Liam and Theo exclaimed, Theo who had just walked through the door with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and a bottle of cola in the other. The two shared an amused look as Liam raised an eyebrow in his direction. "Don't you think I can be a bad boy too?"

"Please," Theo snorted, rolling his eyes, and sitting next to him. "Yesterday you cried looking at "If I Stay"."

"You cried too, you asshole" Liam protested, blushing.

"My pepperoni pizza was too spicy" Theo replied flatly

Liam rolled his eyes "Yes of course"

 

Liam noticed the way Mason and Corey watched their interactions. He didn't know exactly what had happened on New Year's Eve, but something seemed changed. Two days before, when Mason had shown up at their house, Liam had immediately noticed that there was something different hidden among the rapid, though still rare, exchanges between him and Theo. Less tension and suspicion, and more something that sounded so much like cordiality. Corey was a little more defensive. He kept the chattering to a minimum, but he seemed more willing to accept the presence of the other boy, unlike the previous weeks, when all he was doing was throwing him murderous glances across the room.

Liam couldn't say he wasn't surprised. But he couldn't even say he wasn't happy. He had chosen to give Theo a second chance, and until now he had never had a chance to regret it. Indeed, Theo seemed to have become a focal point in his life, someone he could always count on. So he could only be glad that his closest friends in turn allowed themselves to see this better side of Theo.

Even if another part, the most selfish one, that little voice in the back of his head, couldn't help repeating to him that he wanted to keep this so far hidden side of Theo all for himself.

He shook his head to keep the thought away. He didn't have to think about it.

 

"Did your mom get her job back, Li?" Mason asked suddenly, after starting the game and sitting next to Corey.

"Not yet. He has an interview tomorrow, but she is confident. She has already worked there in the past, and also has knowledge. And then she's amazing, she's gonna make it" Liam replied promptly, grabbing the joystick.

"Yes she is, I thought she would kill me for lying to her, you know? I was terrified of meeting her" Mason whispered. The others giggled. "But when I came in, she just told me that I have a pretty confused idea of a "little intimate party"." He continued.

"She's amazing" Liam repeated.

"But I'm sure if Gabe were in front of her, she would make him as docile as a lamb" Theo smiled .

"Sure, she's a badass" Liam agreed, shaking his head fondly.

"Speaking of Gabe ..." Corey finally stepped in "... do you know if the rumors that he’s going to New York finally is true?"

"Yes, Hayden told me" Liam replied quietly, pressing the joystick buttons.

Mason turned to look at him. "Did you talk to Hayden?"

"Yes she came to visit me yesterday morning" Liam shrugged carelessly.

"And?"

"And what?"

Mason rolled his eyes. "Did you only talk about Gabe?" He asked with a mischievous smirk.

Liam rolled his eyes and blushed slightly. "Yes Mason" he replied exasperated. "She apologized, I told her there was no need ... it wasn't her fault," he added with a sigh.

"So you will see each other again?" Mason insisted hopefully.

Theo shifted uncomfortably in his seat, turning to look at Liam who had blushed even more, and seemed to be doing his best to avoid his gaze. "I don't know" Liam mumbled. "Maybe."

 

The truth was that he too found it hard to admit that his initial interest had slowly faded. He had let himself be guided by old feelings, by the illusion that nothing had changed despite the passed time, and surely even Mason had played his part. Now the fact that his friend seemed to want to push him towards the girl almost by force began to annoy him. Sure, he knew that Mason did it for his own good, but Liam felt that something was different now. Hayden was a good girl, it’s true, but the more time passed, the more the old crush was slowly fading into something else. Somehow, there was something in all this that didn't seem  _right,_ like he was forcing a piece of a puzzle into a place that wasn't its.

Keeping his gaze fixed on the TV, he tried to ignore Theo's eyes on him, almost waiting, but it was difficult when Theo's shoulder against his was like a warm, solid and secure presence. Liam tried to shake himself internally.  _No it is not for this._ He didn't have to think about it.

  


*

 

The next day, Liam waited for his mother to go out for her usual errands, which she wanted to attend to before her meeting with the hospital director. Then he dressed quickly and went downstairs. He stopped when he met Theo coming out of the living room heading to his room. The boy looked at him in surprise. "Are you going out?"

"Y-yeah. Go-go to Mason, see you tonight" he stammered hastily before leaving the house. Theo followed him with his eyes, a raised eyebrow, watching him as the door closed behind him.

 

Theo stood still for a moment. He had never known such a bad liar as Liam was, it was obvious that he had something else in mind, that he had had it for  _days_ . And if he knew him well, he knew all too well what was happening.

 

*

 

Liam stopped in the parking lot contemplating the main entrance to the Beacon Hills Memorial. He felt his own heart pounding in his ears, the anxiety that ran through his veins, numbing his body and making it heavy. The time had come.

He felt almost guilty for having ruled out his mother and Theo from his decision, especially given how determined they both were trying to get him to face it and stop blaming himself, but somehow he felt like it was something he wanted, he  _had to_ do by himself.

He also knew that both of them would understand if he told them he wanted to do it alone, however ... Liam was ashamed, but the reason he hadn't told anyone was that in case he failed, in case in the last minute he had got scared and pulled back ... he would not have to give explanations to anyone, because no one would have known.

 

He was trembling as he walked through the entrance to the hospital, he was pale as he asked the woman at the reception for information, his breath was short as he pressed the button to call the elevator. He was almost panicked as the elevator began to rise. His heart seemed to stop at the ding of the elevator which signaled the doors opening.

It was time, here he was. He could no longer back out. He  _did not want_ to do it. He took a step toward the corridor, before the doors closed in front of him, erasing the little courage he had taken, and he began to walk along the hallway. That wing of the building was almost deserted, you could almost hear a pin drop. Liam could hear the sound of his footsteps beating on the bare floor. An eternity seemed to pass, as if the corridor continued to lengthen beneath his feet, until he reached the door marked with the number 21. He swallowed working up the courage.

 

He began to regret about coming alone when he crossed the threshold, stopping in place. Scott was on the bed in front of him, motionless. His face was relaxed, his dark hair falling over his forehead, his arms on either side of his body. It would have seemed like he was sleeping peacefully, if it hadn't been for the bandage around his forehead, the needle in his left arm and the monitor that marked his slow but constant heartbeat. He tried to swallow again, but found out he had no more saliva. His heart was beating fast and hard, but he continued. He took another step forward and then another, until he was in front of the bed. As he was drained of all his strength, he dropped on the chair beside the bed and sighed, tears threatening to come out at any moment. He finally returned to look at Scott, lingering on his face. At that moment, every word he had thought of saying seemed to have vanished, forgotten. No one sounded good or right enough for that situation. So Liam reached out and took the other boy's hand between his, squeezing it gently. He took a trembling breath, looking down.

"I ..." he began, his voice choked and hoarse, as if he hadn't spoken for days "... I really don't know what to say" he mumbled "I ... ‘m so sorry, Scott" He squeezed the hand of the other, a solitary tear that plowed his cheek "I need you to wake up so I can tell you in person. You need to wake up, Scott.  _Please_ ”Another tear wet his cheek as he closed his eyes in an attempt to stop them, stifling sobs, the  _beep beep_ of the monitor as the only sound in the room, slow but reassuring in some way, as  the voice of Scott had been for him in the past. "I ... ‘ve never ever ... wanted to hurt you, Scott" he whispered at last.

"Liam" made a surprised voice behind him.

Liam jumped, whirling around, leaving Scott's hand and gettingup to face the dark boy standing in the doorway ahead of him, a can of cola in his hand. Liam's heart speeded up again, panicked. "I- I'm sorry, maybe it's better if I go-" he stammered.

" _What_ ?" Stiles whispered weakly, reaching out to lay the can on the cabinet to the right of the door without ever staring at it. "You, little runt" He took two quick steps towards him, making him tense. "Where the hell do you think to go?" And a moment later Liam found himself with two arms wrapping around his neck, squeezing him in a steel grip. Liam found himself caught off guard, his hands soaring without knowing what to do. It certainly wasn't what he expected. He didn't know what to say. "You idiot - I was  _so_ worried about you!" Stiles murmured against his shoulder, before stepping back, holding his shoulders with his hands and looking him in the face.

"You ... aren't you angry with me?" Liam asked in a whisper, his small voice and eyes wide and hesitant.

"Liam" Stiles sighed, shaking his head. "None of us is angry with you, not me, not Melissa, not Malia nor Lydia!" He stopped for a moment, speaking faster "Okay, maybe I am a little bit, but just because you kept ignoring me for  _months_ ! You Idiot!" Liam still didn't know what to say, he just looked at the boy in front of him feeling deeply guilty. "But do you know who least of all could be angry with you?  _Scott._ ” Stiles tightened his grip on his shoulders. "Do you know what he would be? The same I am! Proud of you"

Liam looked at him without understanding "Wha-?"

"You are the best person in the world, Li" Stiles smiled at him "Despite being afraid, despite everything, you stepped forward to protect me, to help me" Stiles lowered slowly hands "Do you think I didn't feel guilty about all this?" His gaze slid sadly over Scott "Everything happened ... Jackson, the fight... because of  _me_ "

"It wasn't your fault, Stiles" Liam exclaimed right away.

"Nor yours" the other replied promptly, with a nod of his head. "Scott would have punched us if he heard us blame us for it," he added with a smile, taking a step towards his best friend and looking at him fondly. Then he turned to Liam "He'll wake up, Li, I know. He is stronger than this, you need to believe it. And stop blaming you or isolating yourself. It won't solve anything."

Liam smiled weakly, running his hand over his eyes to wipe his wet cheeks and stepped forward to bed, too. "I know, someone told me the exact same thing for weeks, until I started to believe it."

"It must be someone special then" Stiles muttered. There was no malice in his voice, and Liam could only smile, a warmth spreading in his chest.

Because it was true. He was. "He is."

Stiles smiled at him with a pat on the shoulder. "So do you think you'll come back again?"

Liam hesitated just a second before nodding. "Definitely"

"Well ... then next time you could bring him with you. I would really like to meet the person who could convince Liam Dunbar to do anything."

Liam laughed, looking back at Scott. Then he sighed. "You know… It's just that sometimes it seems so selfish to me to continue with my life when he ...-" He froze.

"Sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish you know? You can't stop your life, Li, nobody can, and Scott wouldn't want it anyway, right?"

"Probably not" Liam agreed sadly. Because that was the kind of person Scott was.

 

But it didn't make it any less difficult. On the contrary. He could overcome the sense of guilt, he could overcome the oppressive anxiety and the hatred towards himself that had eaten him alive in those months, but could not erase the pain. The pain thinking that maybe he could never see Scott again, talk to him, have him close. It was a pain he had not really faced yet, at least not until now that he had seen him lying there, motionless and helpless, with his own eyes.

 

"Can I ask you something?" Stiles asked a few minutes later, distracting him from his negative thoughts.

"What?" Liam asked raising his head hesitantly.

Stiles looked at him for a second. "What happened to your face?" He asked lightly.

Liam laughed reluctantly. "Ohh it's such a long story" he replied dramatically.

"I have all the time in the world, you know"

 

*

 

When he left the hospital, half an hour later, Liam couldn't tell how he felt. There was one less weight in his heart, it's true, but there was still that unpleasant feeling that oppressed his stomach. Seven weeks, seven weeks had passed, and Scott did not wake up. He knew that Stiles had the same fears, but he tried to be strong and optimistic, so as not to break down. But he had never been this strong. As he walked slowly through the outer courtyard, Liam really felt like crying. Now that it was alone,  he really needed every little piece of his willpower to hold back....

 

He stopped in his tracks when he reached the parking lot, his heart achingly missed a beat. In front of him, his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt, leaning with his back against the door of the pick-up, pulled up beside the road, there was Theo. The boy looked up at him when he was close and looked at him hesitantly.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" Liam asked faintly and breathlessly.

Theo shrugged, taking a step forward. "I thought you might need a shoulder to lean on once you come out of it."

Liam's heart was beating uncontrollably now. "Ho-how did you know I was here?"

Theo made a half-sad smile. "You've never been a good liar. I knew something was bothering you, and it wasn't hard to put two and two together. I was sure I would find you here.”

Liam looked down, as if hiding the emotions that overwhelmed him at that moment, sure that Theo could read them clearly in his eyes. "I'm sorry if I lied to you," he muttered, staring at his feet. "You told you would come gladly with me, and I-"

"No need to apologize, Li" Theo said hastily, taking another step toward him and making him look up. "I get it. You needed to do it by yourself, and you did it." A smile spread across Theo's face, and Liam found himself unable to look away. "You  _did it_ , Li. I'm proud of you.”

Those words were like an electric discharge that ran through him from side to side.  It was almost painful now, the way his heart was pounding in his chest as if it wanted to get out of him, the way his whole body ached with the mixture of conflicting emotions he was feeling. Pain, loss, fear ... but also relief, hope and affection. And it was all because of that boy standing in front of him. He felt once again his body attracted like a magnet to the other’s, but he could not find the strength to take that step ahead. 

He knew what all this means. Denying would not have served to make it disappear. To erase the fact that somehow he had come to develop feelings, _strong_ feelings, for the only person in the world that he would not have thought he would have them for, the one that he would not  _have to_ have them for. All this was too fucking much. 

"Why-?" Liam stammered, almost terrified, almost desperate to know why Theo had come all the way there for him, almost wishing that somehow the boy in front of him said something wrong, something that would erase all this, because he didn't know how to handle it, he didn’t know absolutely what to do with these feelings. "Why are you here?"

Theo looked at him calmly, unaware of the inner battle in Liam’s mind. He probably thought he was just upset about Scott. In part it was, it was ... for  _all_ . Liam felt like he was going crazy.

"I don't know, I... guess it's hard to deal with all this,for you deciding to see Scott ... but I guess I thought that maybe it would be even harder to deal with the ..after? So- I don't know" He looked at him hesitantly. "I think I just thought that I didn't want you to be alone." Liam pursed his lips, squinting his eyes, the tears finally coming out.  _God, how can this guy always know what I feel, sometimes even before I figure it out?_ "Li, it's okay to cry" Theo finally whispered. 

And there was the moment when Liam gave up, where he stopped countering the force of gravity that pushed him towards the other boy. And Theo seemed to do the same, as if they had read each others’ minds, while filling the feet that still separated them, wrapping their arms around each other, in a breathtaking hug. Liam felt losing himself in Theo’s arms, as if he was the only thing that really still kept him on his feet. And maybe it was just like that. 

He felt Theo's hand cling to the fabric of his shirt, as if not wanting letting him go. And so Liam, his face hidden between the hollow of Theo's neck and his shoulder, finally let the tears come out, all the ones he had always held back, tears for Scott, for Stiles, for his dad, for his mum, for Theo. .. for himself. For these feelings who didn't know where to go. Because they weren't meant to be. But that somehow was the only thing that seemed right at the moment. As he lost himself in Theo's arms, fitting perfectly, he felt like coming home, as if he had finally found it, that right piece of the puzzle he had always missed. It was crazy, maybe it was wrong, maybe it was pointless, no one else would understand it, no one else would accept it. But it was there.

 

Some might say that he shouldn’t want to love the person who broke him down. But he wants to love the person who built him back up together. He really fucking wants, but he just  _can't._

  
  
 

_TO BE CONTINUED_

  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, as you can see, I changed the number of chapters in 25. I’m not sure of it, but the story’s gonna have around that number, chapter more chapter less.  
> I take the chance to thank all of you who keep reading this, sometimes it is really become hard to write, and I’m never sure if I am able to pass the right feeling I want to share through my words. I don’t usually answer comments, but I read every single one of them, they really give me all the willing to keep doing this. So let me know everything you like or dislike about this, it will just help me to improve! ^__^


	12. They just didn't talk about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this took me forever, but in my defence this came out as a really loong chapter! 

Five days later, looking carefully in the mirror, Liam was happy to be able to say that his nose seemed to have returned to an _almost_ normal size. And even the bruise on his face was definitely better. So much that he was sure he could play it off as his own clumsiness, like he'd hit the door frame or something like that. He was beginning to believe that yes, he could avoid letting the whole school know - as soon as he was going to set foot in again - that he had been beaten up by a younger kid.

His optimism vanished when he and Theo crossed the main door and everyone - _everyone -_ turned to look at them, talking to each other. Because obviously, no one could keep such a thing hidden. It was Beacon Hills, practically _nothing_ ever happened there, except apparently Gabe's personal crusades, so it was obvious that everyone already knew.

  
 

Liam stopped right on the spot, in awe, squeezing hard his backpack strap 

"Just ignore them" Theo snorted, glancing annoyed at a freshman who had stared at him for a few seconds too long and ran away at the speed of light. Then he shook his head in exasperation.

Liam turned to look at him, there on his side, and Theo gave him a little encouraging smile, which made Liam's heart flicker, thing that he promptly decided to ignore for the moment. Theo nudged him slightly on his side, before talking again "You've been through worse, right?"

"Yeah" Liam couldn't help but smile back, a warm feeling that enveloped his stomach, and he wondered if these were the famous butterflies in the stomach that everyone talked about. He immediately decided it was a feeling he liked.

  
 

Theo then looked at the watch on his wrist, and seemed to wince. "God, I have to talk to coach before my class starts" he moaned annoyed and quickening his pace, but walking backwards to be able to keep looking at Liam again with a smile on his face "Remember, just ignore them!" he turned around and started to run away.

Liam shifted on the spot nervous, squeezing the strap even harder, as if searching for courage and deciding whether to talk or not. "Hey, do you wanna have lunch together?" He finally shouted back quickly, his tone faltering. He could feel his heart beating against his chest. God, he was just _so much_ screwed _._

  
 

If Theo's smile had given butterflies to his stomach, his expression of pure astonishment and hope when he stopped and turned back to look at him was enough to make them literally fly away from him. And yeah, it was definitely a feeling that he fucking liked.

Theo seemed to force a second later its expression in a more neutral, as he nodded slowly, "Okay" He looked at him strangely for a moment "No Mason and Corey today?"

Liam squirmed in place, shifting his weight from foot to foot, eyes that darted in embarrassment between Theo, the floor and the people around, to make sure no one was listening to them after he had shouted like that. Fortunately, the hallway was crowded and everyone was busy in their conversations. "Today is something like ... their anniversary? I want to leave them alone” he stammered back, shrugging.

"Okay" Theo repeated again slowly, still looking at him and biting his lip, his eyes crossed by a bunch of emotions that Liam couldn't read. Finally, Theo's face twisted into a smile as he resumed walking. "See you at lunch then."

Liam nodded quickly and watched him leave, before reaching his locker with a sigh. He leaned his head against the door, and without even too much grace. He just wanted to scream. He wondered stupidly if it was feasible to scream with his head in the locker in the hope that it would muffle the noise. _No you idiot,_ he answered himself. He moved a couple of inches away from the door just to slam his head again. In his screaming mind all this was ... _so_ frustrating but wonderful, terrible but tempting, incredibly stupid but at the same time terribly right. Liam had never felt more confused in his whole life. And more guilty, and that was saying something.

Why did he have to develop feelings for the person he was supposed to consider _his brother_? Why Theo had to be so ... so ... incredibly charming, so caring and funny ... so .. _so Theo_? Why couldn't it be Hayden? It would have been so easy if it was Hayden! They would go out, they would talk, they would kiss, they would get together a few weeks later, and then one day he could introduce her to his mother, like any normal couple, and things would go on, until they lasted. Normal, _simple_. But no, he had to fall in love with his damn half-brother as a fool!

At least before it was easier, when he wasn't aware of it. Instead now every time Theo looked at him, touched him or even did something as damn trivial as breathing too close to him, his heart began to leap in his chest wildly. And all he could think of was the warmth of Theo’s body against his when he had hugged him, that day outside the hospital, to his smell, his hoarse voice, his hands on his back and his breath against his neck. And he just wanted to do it again. Because it has been _wonderful_. But he couldn't. And this was terribly _frustrating_.

And he knew he couldn't talk to anyone about that. Neither his friends nor his mother.

_His mother..._ _Paul_... if they ever found out something like that ... he didn't even know what to expect they would do, because it certainly wasn't something you saw every day. He felt isolated, forced to handle something he really didn't know how to handle, all alone. And this was _terrible_.

He couldn't even talk to Theo about that. Which was what they had been doing for months. They didn't talk about it. Every day they approached, with every gesture, with every word, more and more, in ways that Liam had never felt close to anyone, in ways that had surely left them a mark inside, but they never talked about it. They hadn't talked about it after that night when they had shared their darkest secrets, they hadn't talked about it after that long hug outside the hospital. Probably because it was useless, it was stupid ... to open up... to start something that could not have hoped to grow.

But Liam couldn't help gravitating towards Theo, staring at him and always looking for him with his eyes. To come out with always more and more excuses to spend more time together. To feel at ease despite everything, calm and safe, whenever they were together. He liked to see Theo smile, and listen to the way his heart beat faster each time he saw it. He liked to hear him speak, he would spend hours just hearing Theo’s voice. It was an amazing feeling that he had never felt before. It was nothing compared to his crush on Hayden or to the infatuation he had for Brett the year before. This was different. And it seemed just terribly _right_.

And it was surely _tempting_. Because he had noticed it, since he had begun to pay attention to Theo, the way Theo also looked at him sometimes, just to look away when their eyes made contact. The way Theo smiled like that only to him. The voice full of joy and hope with which he had replied shortly before ... He could not stop thinking what would have happened if even Theo had felt the same way towards him. And if on the one hand, every fiber of his being wanted it, _craved_ it ... on the other he knew that that would just make everything more complicated, more wrong and even sadder.

  
 

Sad because none of this had a future, and he knew it. Theo knew it. So they didn't talk about it. Pretending that everything was normal, that everything was ok.

  
 

Liam sighed, banging his head against the door for the third time. Maybe with a little more strength, he could get amnesia ...

"Dude" Mason's voice came next to him, and Liam turned to look at him, meeting his lips tilted in a half smile. "What the hell are you doing?"

Liam pulled himself up, shaking himself and looking for a quick excuse: "Uh .. Everybody ... just keep talking about me and Gabe, it's annoying" he muttered, finally opening the locker and avoiding his look. He didn't want to lie to Mason, but ...

"What? It's amazing” Mason corrected him with a laugh and patted his shoulder. "Everyone talks about the new guy and how he finally free everyone of Gabe"

"Seriously?" Liam asked, deadpan.

Mason nodded firmly "Yes, dude, you're the new hero of Beacon Hills" Then his smile widened and Liam really didn't know if he was teasing him or he was serious. "Come on, we'll be late for Spanish" he chuckled then pushing him down the hall.

"Oh, by the way .. best wishes, Mase, for your and Corey's anniversary"

"You know .. um ... it's not actually our anniversary today"

Liam narrowed his eyes in confusion in his direction "So what’s today?"

"Well .." Mason stirred and Liam realized that he was clearly embarrassed. Now he was even more curious, if there was something that could embarrass Mason he wanted to know it at any cost.

"What?" He urged with a smile.

"It's stupid, I know but exactly a year ago, I told Corey that he just had to give Theo hell because he deserved so much better ... someone who really loved him" Mason shrugged with an embarrassed smile. "And somehow at that moment I realized that I wanted to be that someone, and Corey always says ... that there he realized he felt something for me. So we chose this day as a kind of anniversary. It's stupid, isn't it?"

Liam shook his head, a fond smile spreading across his face "It's not, not at all." He looked at him before turning back to look ahead, down the hallway. "I guess you can love someone even without necessarily being together, right?" It was more like he was talking to himself, and Mason looked at him strangely

"Yeah" he just replied then nodding, and at that moment Liam was deeply grateful to him for not having asked for more.

  
 

*

  
 

From his seat with his right shoulder against the locker, while waiting for Hayden to take her books, Tracy watched Liam and Theo carefully as they separated, taking different corridors, and her eyes lingered on Theo, who passed by without even noticing them, obviously taken from his thoughts. She stifled a groan of annoyance as she returned to Hayden, rolling her eyes and trying to feign indifference.

"So ..." then she began shuffling the 'o' and giving her a mischievous smile when Hayden looked up at her. "How are things going with Liam?"

Hayden closed the bag, before closing the locker and walking with her friend down the hall. "I ... I don't know" Hayden shrugged sadly. "You know, I'm beginning to think that he's no longer interested in seeing me again."

"Why not?" Tracy asked, almost incredulous.

"He texts me and we talk, but I don't ... I don't know, it's not like...-"

"Please don't tell me it's not like with Gabe, because I will kill you. Forget about that asshole"

Hayden gave her an annoyed look "It's not what I was going to say"

"So what?"

"I think what happened at Sinema has kind of ... I don't know, cooled things down?" Hayden sighed . "And I'm not sure starting a new relationship is the best thing right now, even for me."

"Bullshit" Tracy dismissed her words with a wave of her hand and a laugh. "If things have cooled down, _warm_ them up again." She nudged her and Hayden laughed, shaking her head.

"I don't know ... I wouldn't even know how to do it"

Tracy stopped, taking her by the shoulders and making her turn towards her. "Listen, do you like him?" she asked straight-forward.

Hayden looked at her hesitantly. "Yeah ... I think so"

"Well, that is all there is to know" the other girl said firmly, with a nod. "Leave it to me." She lowered her hands and walked on, and Hayden followed her with wide eyes.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Don't worry"

  
 

What she did know was that she just had to separate those two, make Theo realize that it was useless to pin for someone who didn't even dare to look at him, especially not when there was _someone else_ willing to do anything for him.

And she knew exactly how to do it.

  
 

*

  
 

The cafeteria was very crowded and noisy while Hayden and Tracy crossed it with their trays in hand. Tracy peered around and found Theo, Liam and Josh sitting at a table a little faraway.

"Come on, let’s go"

Hayden grabbed her arm gently. "Will you tell me what you have in mind" It wasn't even a question, her voice charged with threat and anxiety at the same time.

Tracy rolled her eyes in exasperation "Don't worry. Don't you know if Liam still wants to go out with you? Well he can't say no to a date if _he doesn't know_ that it's a date” she whispered then with a sneaky smile.

"What the hell does that mean?" the other exclaimed, but Tracy turned around, continuing to walk steadily toward the boys. Hayden, after a moment's hesitation, followed her in bewilderment.

  
 

"Hey guys!" Tracy exclaimed all too cheerfully, stopping everything the three of them were talking about, and sitting down without too much preamble between Liam and Theo. Liam moved to the right to make room for her, looking slightly uncomfortable, while Josh and Theo stared at her in confusion. Hayden shook his head sitting on the other side next to Josh. "Hi guys" she greeted them quietly.

"So what were you guys talking about?" Tracy asked briskly, but when Josh was about to open his mouth, she cut him off. "It doesn't matter - I have great news" Everyone looked at her curiously, Hayden slightly terrified. "Look, my dad just bailed out a dude who owns the amusement park out of town a few weeks ago, you know?" Liam didn't know what she was talking about, but he vaguely remembered that Tracy's father was a lawyer or something like that. "Well, as a thank, he gave him free passes to the park, and I thought we could do a small group hang this Saturday. You know, to make up for the disastrous New Year that we've been through" Liam flustered in embarrassment, feeling a wave of guilt sweep over him again. Theo glanced annoyed at Tracy who hastened to add: "I didn't mean it was Liam's fault, or Theo's ... or Josh's ... it just- happened? So we need to fix it, don't we?" 

''I'm more than good with whatever is free" Josh just said, rocking back and clapping his hands cheerfully on the table. Theo and Liam looked at each other for a moment, then Liam shrugged. "I think it sounds cool"

Theo rolled his eyes "Okay, whatever you want"

"You can also invite Mason and Corey" Tracy suggested casually, looking at Liam.

"Ah .. um, today is their anniversary ... and um, they planned a date for just the two of them this Saturday"

"Uh what a pity" For some reason, she didn't sound sorry at all. Liam raised an eyebrow, looking at her. "Well, so are we all agreed?" She added immediately after clapping her hands. "We'll meet up out of the park at 11 am" then she concluded with a final tone. Nobody felt like countering her.

  
 

*

  
 

"So what do you think?" Tracy asked, smiling at Hayden when the other three had left.

Hayden looked at her suspiciously, a shadow of a smile on her face. "I wonder why I have the strange feeling that this is much more for you and Theo than for me and Liam."

Tracy made a fake hurt expression, looking at her. "What? Well, I resent that! I just want to help my best friend win over the guy she likes."

Hayden laughed, shaking her head. "But whatever, I haven't completely grasped your plan here. Did you invite Mason and Corey too? What would you do if Liam had said they were free?"

Tracy shrugged "A double date would just turn in a _triple_ date"

"Double date? What about Josh?" Hayden asked, amused.

Tracy gave her a dull look. "I will deal with Josh"

*

  
 

"Excuse me?" Josh looked at Tracy, standing in front of him, blinking in confusion. "Are you serious?" A smile slowly spread across his lips. "Are you really _paying me_ to not go out with you on Saturday?"

Tracy rolled her eyes still holding $ 50. "Do you want 50 bucks or not?"

"I'm really not getting here... why don't you want me to come too-" His smile froze as realization hit him. "I can't believe it, you want to cut me out to let the two of you being alone with Theo and Liam!" He made on a shocked expression. "So I'm cut out because I'm _single_?" He sighed then, in a fake dramatic tone "All this is so depressing"

"Stop being a dramaqueen, will you do it or not?"

"I won't lie to my best friend, if that's what you're asking me" he muttered, crossing his arms.

"You don't have to _lie_ , you just have to come up with a last minute excuse for not being able to come" Tracy said quietly.

"That's lying"

"I will tell Theo that was you the one who put those porn mags in his backpack in eighth grade, getting him suspended"

"Okay I'll do it" Josh said quickly grabbing the 50 bucks. Then he looked at her, narrowing his eyes. "You're a bitch" he just said turning and walking away down the hallway.

Tracy smiled. "It's great doing business with you!" she shouted after him.

"Fuck you" Josh gave her the finger without even turning around.

  
 

*

  
 

As the week passed quickly between classes, lacrosse practices, and occasional visits to Scott at the hospital, Liam became increasingly nervous as Saturday approached. He didn't know why, but for some strange reason, he had a bad feeling abou this. And his sixth sense was not betraying him. He knew it the right moment he and Theo got out of the car, walking towards the entrance to the park, and all they saw were Tracy and Hayden standing in a corner in the crowd.

  
 

"Hey there!" Tracy greeted them with a wave of her hand as they approached. "Are we all here?"

Theo stopped a few steps away from them, looking around suspiciously. "Where's Josh?"

"Uh didn't he tell you?" Tracy said innocently, tilting her head to one side.

"What?"

"He couldn't come ...an unavoidable commitment" she said solemnly, flanking Theo and grabbing him by the arm. The boy looked at her baffled "Wha-?" Before turning to Liam, who had also been joined by Hayden. The two shared an alarmed look before realizing what they had got themselves into.

Liam looked helpless as Tracy dragged Theo away, towards the entrance to the park, an unpleasant feeling that began to make its way into his chest. God, life really had to hate him! It was not enough to have Theo always before his eyes, day and night, to remind him that it was something he could not have, now he also had to see him for a whole day stuck like a mussel to Tracy !? This was-

Someone touched him gently on the forearm, and Liam startled, turning to Hayden who looked at him shyly. "Hey, we go?"

"Uh .. yeah-let's go" he blew nervously, following the other two with small steps. 

Then he let his eyes fall on Hayden by his side. She was pretty, in those tight jeans, jacket and wool hat, he couldn't deny it. _She's_ _pretty, but she's not Theo._ His mocking mind reminded him. He shook himself. _No_. Perhaps, this was a good opportunity to try to make things work with her, and forget about Theo once and for all. At least he _had_ to try, didn't he? He summoned all the courage he had, and reached out tentatively to grab Hayden's hand, who looked at him in surprise, but without withdrawing.

"Is it ... is it okay?" Liam asked, embarrassed.

"Yeah" she replied, smiling and shaking his hand back. Liam let her guide him, ignoring the way her hand seemed too small, all too little warm and too little strong against his. He swallowed the bitterness as he thought, _It's okay, but it's not Theo._

  
  
 

"Will you stop pulling me?" Theo snapped, stepping on his feet to slow Tracy down, who turned to look at him, puffing.

"Come on, don't get all moody as usual. We're here to have fun'' she complained. "Do you really want to leave just because Josh is not there?" she challenged him.

"I didn't say that." Theo crossed his arms with annoyance.

"And you can't leave me alone with those two, it would be embarrassing, come on!" Theo turned to Hayden and Liam coming towards them, hand in hand. Man, that hurt. Even more than Gabe's fists. Should he have to look at this all day? "Or maybe ..." Tracy said in a sly voice "We leave them alone and we go somewhere else just the two of us?"

"No!" Theo answered quickly. Man, he was also a masochist now. He clenched his lips before sighing. "Are we coming or not?" He snapped then annoyed, just as Hayden and Liam joined them.

  
 

Theo's gaze lingered on their interwined hands, before turning around without even making eye contact with them. He grabbed Tracy's hand and pulled her forward. Pathetic, masochistic, and jealous. Theo felt like he was bottoming out right now. He wouldn't last much longer.

  
 

*

  
 

If you ignored the constant pangs of jealousy, the day went on pleasantly. They jumped from one ride to another, repeating the most thrilling a couple of times. Theo tried to do his best to ignore Liam and Hayden, the ridiculous way she laughed at his stupid jokes, or the way Liam had kindly payed for her lunch. The way she leaned on his shoulder when she laughed loudly, or how Liam had taken her by the hand in the haunted house

But there was one thing he couldn't quite ignore. The way Liam seemed to look at him from time to time, especially when he was way too close to Tracy, an expression on his face that he acknowledged very well. Because he showed the same longing, the same sadness that he also imagined clearly printed on his own face everytime. His heart had lost a beat the first time it happened, right after lunch.

Since Liam had paid Hayden his lunch, he had felt like an idiot for letting Tracy pay for herself. Of course, he could have been an asshole, but not _such_ an asshole. To fix it, when he went to buy an ice cream for himself he had bought one for her too. As he gave it to her, she seemed pleasantly surprised. She looked at the cup full of cream and chocolate and smiled sweetly. "Thanks, it's my favorite." Theo just shrugged and sat on the bench next to her, and his eyes so "casually" slipped on Liam, sitting with Hayden on the bench opposite. And at that moment he had seen it. That sad but almost rapt expression on the other boy's face, and his heart had skipped a beat, while Liam with a start had lowered his face to look at his hands in his lap. Even from there, Theo could very well see his cheeks blush.

Maybe it had been a coincidence, maybe Liam was just staring at them thinking he wanted ice cream too, could it be, right? Maybe he was just projecting again his emotions onto the other boy, maybe he hoped so much to start having hallucinations. If it was true, he was really in a very bad way!

Liam could never feel that way about him, could he? But there had been things in the past days that somehow fed that little little glimmer of hope in his chest. But even if it did, what would he do? Nothing, he had decided not to be selfish for once. It was a shame that he really had to be with the only thing in the world he felt he had ever really wanted.

  
 

*

  
 

Liam could feel his face burning as he sat on his bench next to Hayden, his eyes lowered. _How stupid._ Had Theo seen him? Had he noticed that he was staring at him like a creeper? Just because that idiot had bought Tracy a stupid ice cream! And he couldn't help but think back to that New Year's Eve, to Theo who had come home with an ice cream for him, somehow remembering what his favorite flavor was, somehow making him feel ... _special_? Now he felt just pathetic. He had a wonderful girl a few steps away, and all he could think of was _Theo, Theo, Theo._ Theo buying for him that comic book, Theo going lookin' for him in his favorite place in the middle of the night, Theo taking care of him when he was drunk, Theo understanding him, supporting him with Scott, Theo dancing with him, Theo defending him from Gabe, Theo holding him tight as if he didn't want to let him go anymore ... His heart was hurting at that moment, and it was a pain different from any kind he had ever felt in his whole life.

  
 

*

  
 

When Hayden and Tracy suggested a ride on the tea-cups, Liam raised his eyebrows skeptical, while Theo just said a single one harsh 'No.' So Hayden dragged Tracy away ordering to just wait for them standing there. As if they could go somewhere.

As they walked around the open space just to kill time, Theo's gaze lingered on Liam, who was looking around carefully, as if he wanted to avoid crossing his gaze at any cost.

  
 

"Hey," he finally asked. "Everything okay?"

Liam's eyes shot up at him, just for a moment, before he returned staring at his feet as he walked with his hands in his pockets. "Y-yeah ... Why would I not be okay?" He stammered.

Theo shrugged. "Nothing - you just seemed ... a little distracted-" His voice got lost, when he noticed that Liam was actually distracted now. He followed his gaze as Liam stopped in front of one of those peluche fishing machines. "Sorry- You know, I never managed to get anything out this thing!" he said, stepping closer and leaning his hands against the glass, happy to have found something to change the subject. His eyes fell on one of the plush. "As a kid I would have _killed_ for one of those spiderman-shaped puppets" He pointed at it with a finger, casting a wistful glance at Theo "Once I've tossed almost _$ 20_ in that. My mom got _so_ angry." 

He shook his head amused at the memory, while Theo flanked him following his gaze and with a smirk spreading across his face. "Well then today is your lucky day" he murmured, pulling up the sleeves of his jacket.

Liam turned to look at him stumped "Uh?"

Theo looked at him with that expression of pure joy and challenge that only he knew how to do and that never failed to make Liam's heart flicker in his chest, and said "It just so happens that I've always been an ace in this game.” Then he took his wallet out of his pocket and pulled out a dollar bill. Liam stared at him intently, Theo's gaze focused on a precise point and his tongue between his teeth, as the mechanical arm moved to the right. Liam followed it anxiously as it went down, grabbing the spider-man plush he had shown Theo earlier.

"Okay ... now nice and slow ..." Theo whispered, raising the arm and guiding it to the hole. "Easy ..."

When the puppet fell into the hole, they both cheered like two kids. Liam turned to Theo with shining eyes. "Woh, that was amazing!"

Theo laughed as he bent down to pick it up. "Well modestly!" He said then looking at the puppet, before stretching it towards Liam "All yours!"

"What?" Liam looked at him with eyes wide open, his heart throbbing furiously.

"For you, is that what you wanted right?"

Liam reached out a hand faltering, grabbing it and looking at it mesmerized. Theo continued to stare at him, biting his lip nervously. _Had he gone too far again?_ "If you don't want it, I can take it back," he said, trying to sound playful.

"No!" Liam exclaimed, looking up at him and blushing immediately. He brought the puppet to his chest, holding it with both hands "I - I like it, really ... _thank you_ " he muttered, then tightening it slightly to himself.

And Theo wondered if it was plausible that at that moment he had fallen in love a little more ... because maybe he was stupid, but that was exactly how he felt.

  
 

*

  
 

Liam was ashamed to admit it, but in almost seventeen years of life he had never set foot on a ice rink. So when Tracy proposed to drop by, he turned pale but didn't protest. After all, how difficult could it be? He could roller skate - kinda - it couldn't be that different, could it?

  
 

*

  
 

It was different. As soon as he stepped on the ice, he stayed for a moment motionless, faking nochalance, and barely had time to think, moving one foot _'Okay, it's not so bad'_ that his feet lost grip, and the next moment he just knew that his head had slammed painfully against the frozen ground. And that he had just made a fool of himself in front of everyone, if Theo's laugh was any indication. He cursed under his breath as he sat up, while Hayden joined him, his voice filled with concern, but softened by the shadow of a smile. "Are you okay?"

"Uh- Yes, I think-" he mumbled, rubbing his head, while Hayden grabbed his hands and helped him up.

"You could just say you didn't know how to skate, you idiot" Theo said, rolling his eyes and looking away.

"But he can always learn, right? Hayden can teach him!" Tracy interjected quickly with a smile, then grabbing Theo's arm and pulling him away. "And _you_ can teach _me_."

Theo looked at her unimpressed, but allowed himself to be pulled. "You do know how to skate"

"Well ... but you can always improve, can't you?" She added in a soft voice, stopping and then throwing her arms around his neck and getting closer.

Theo looked at her hesitantly for a moment. Tracy had been somehow acting strangely all day. It was true, in the last year, they had spent a lot of time together, but mostly they saw each other for sex, they never went out for dates, and they had never even kissed in public, or kissed in general, if not in order to just get to sex. It was a conscientious thing, they had decided together when it all started. Because Theo had never considered himself like the dating type, he had never even considered it as a thing, or at least until he had known Liam, _really_ known. Only with him, for the first time, he had thought that maybe it was worth to let someone in, let him get closer. He knew from the start that Liam would also leave, leaving him alone again, metaphorically or factually, voluntarily or involuntarily, but for the first time, he thought it was worth the risk. It was worth even hurting for Liam.

While Tracy pulled him closer, Theo's gaze glanced instinctively to the left, seeing with the corner of his eye Hayden, her back at him, holding both of Liam's hands, swaying before her, and a wave of pure simple and painful jealousy overwhelmed him. He wanted to be him the one in there, he wanted to be him teaching Liam how to skate, or fishing for him stupid stuffed animals from those stupid machines. He wanted to buy him his favorite ice cream, today and tomorrow. He wanted to hear him talk about his stupid historical documentaries that he liked so much to the point of making his eyes shine. He wanted Liam to be the one in front of him, with his arms around his neck and pulling him closer. He wanted it to be Liam _and that's it._

He had thought that the chances of Liam feeling about him at least half as he felt for him were one in a million, one in a billion, and it had been easier to live with this certainty. But now, in that moment, when Liam looked up at them again, staring at them with that expression full of longing and suffering, Theo knew he had not imagined anything. Those looks were there, as he had thought, all day, or even all week. And to see Liam look away again, turning his back, as if the way he felt for him was the most shameful thing he could do, it hurt even more now.

  
 

And as he slumped almost defeated, letting Tracy pull him into a kiss, Theo closed his eyes, getting lost in the feeling and kissing her with abandon, almost imagining that was Liam the one in front of him, while the meanest part of his brain - the one he was not proud of at all - was almost pleased at the idea that Liam saw him, at the idea that he _suffered_ as much as he was suffering, in the hope that maybe this would serve to shake him off, to push him to take a step ahead. To make him understand that none of this was outrageous or regrettable. Theo couldn't convince himself that his feelings were just that.

  
 

To his surprise, it was Tracy who first pulled back, a strange rapt but somehow tense expression painted on her face as she watched him closely, pursing her lips. Almost on instict, Theo's gaze slid to the spot where Liam and Hayden were before, and that now was empty. Theo had no way of looking around to find them because Tracy sighed loudly in front of him, pulling his attention. "What?" He asked, looking at her and noticing how every trace of the previous cheerfulness seemed to have been sucked away by her.

"You really ask?" She said faintly, stepping back. She sighed again, closing her eyes almost as if gathering her thoughts. "You never kissed me like this" she murmured then, almost to herself. Theo looked at her confused. There was something that sounded like real _exhaustion_ in her voice, something that Theo had never heard coming from her. "Listen, I know this-" Tracy looked back at him, nodding vaguely between them "-never meant anything for you. I accepted this stupid deal of 'no feelings' because I hoped things would change over time.”

Theo couldn't really get a hold of any of this anymore. "What the hell are you talking about?" He snapped, drawing the attention of someone around them.

"I'm talking about the fact that I like you, Theo! I really like you, but you have always been so wrapped up in your own head that you never even noticed it! I thought I could stand it, but I can't ... I can't be with someone who is thinking of kissing someone else while he's kissing me!" Tracy shouted with frustration evident in her voice.

Theo looked around in alarm, before looking at her angrily again. "Have you suddenly gone out of you mind?" He whispered, puzzled.

"Maybe I have!" She laughed almost hysterically. "Maybe you have too! My God, Theo, what's in your head?"

"What are you talking about?" Theo asked again, panic in his voice, because he knew perfectly well what she was talking about.

"I'm talking about Liam!" She whispered-screamed again. Theo avoided her gaze, his lips tightened, his eyes fixed on a point in the distance. Tracy gave an irritated snort. "Theo, none of this will end well, don't you get it?!"

"I have no idea what you're saying" Theo snapped in the end, taking a step back.

"You know very well instead. You know, at first I thought you behaved like that with him because you had again some other stupid horrible joke against him in mind , but then - after New Year - I realized that it wasn't like that" She looked at him, narrowing her eyes. "You _like_ Liam" she whispered, almost in disbelief. She shook his head with a derisive half-laugh. "I thought you were smarter than that, you'll just end up hurting yourself."

Theo was silent for a moment, then raised his head upwards with a sigh. "Look, it's none of your business."

"It is" she murmured sadly.

Theo finally looked at her, the guilt that began to creep through his veins. "Look, I'm sorry for- I-I didn't-" He didn't feel anything for her, he had _never_ felt anything for her.

"I know" she interrupted him quickly. "You don't need to say it." She took another step back, and Theo knew she was doing her best to hold back the tears, though she looked at him with a proud and firm expression. "Whatever it was, it's over, okay?" She said slowly.

Theo didn't even answer, keeping his head down. When he looked up several seconds later, he just saw Tracy walking away, slipping on the ice quickly, passing Hayden and Liam a few steps away. Hayden looked up at her then Theo, then back at Tracy. Liam, instead, kept his gaze, bewildered, fixed on Theo, who avoided firmly his eyes.

  
 

"Hey Li" Liam turned to Hayden at his worried tone. "Sorry, I have to go with her, I can't leave her alone"

"Yes, I know, go to her" he replied, looking at her and nodding quickly.

"See you Monday at school" she greeted him with a half smile, placing a quick kiss on his cheek. Liam didn't even notice, his attention all focused on the boy standing in front of him.

  
 

"How much did you hear?" Theo asked hesitantly a few seconds later, in which neither of them moved of a inch

"Since ‘It's none of your business’" Liam replied slowly. Theo breathed a sigh of relief inside. They had heard nothing about his hypothetical crush on Liam, then. They should have talked about it sooner or later, but he didn't think this was the right way to start this conversation. "Do you want to talk about it?" Liam asked hesitantly.

"I'm fine" he replied dryly. Then Theo looked at him skeptically. "You can get close, I don't bite."

Liam shifted uncomfortably. "I'd do it, but ..." Theo raised an eyebrow, while Liam blushed. "I would end up falling again, and the situation is already quite embarrassing as it is"

Theo did his best to hold back, but in the end he burst out laughing, shaking his head amused, but looking at him with an expression so full of affection that Liam felt his heart leap in his chest. With a broad stride, Theo joined him. "Come on, let's go-" Theo took his hand, both repeating in their head that it was only to prevent Liam from ending up falling on the floor again as they entwined their fingers. Liam hesitantly looked at Theo's neck as the boy led him to the exit of the ice rink. "Where are we going? Home?"

"I don't want to go home yet" Theo said before turning to look at him, a big smile on his face. "Are you in for a last ride? There is a place I want to show you"

"O-okay" Liam grumbled, feeling blushing, his heart throbbing in his chest. _I would follow you even to the end of the world._ He smiled, tightening even more his grip on Theo's hand "I'm in."

  
 

*

  
 

"Wooah, it's amazing!" Liam exclaimed, stunend, the wind that ruffled his hair slightly as he leaned over to admire the view of the entire city laying under his eyes.

Behind him Theo laughed at his astonishment and Liam turned to look at him, seeing him as he spread a horrible orange blanket on the grass, then proceeded to lie down on it, making himself comfortable. Liam approached looking at him from above, with an amused frown "Why did you keep a blanket in your car?"

Theo tossed him one of his usual arrogant grins "You know, for stuff"

Liam looked at him confused for only two seconds before figuring it out. " _Ew_ , you know ... I don't think I will lie dow- _oow_!" Theo laughed as he pulled him down by the arm, making him drop by his side with a laugh.

"You're an idiot" Liam mumbled, aching, relying on his arms to turn over like Theo, their shoulders almost touching, as they lay there staring at the starry sky.

"So ..." Liam muttered, glancing sideways at Theo "is this where you usually take your _victims_?" He asked, forcing an amused tone as he tapped allusively on the blanket.

Theo gave an amused snort, but shook his head "Nah, you know ... I never brought anyone up here. This is my special place, I just… come here when I want to be alone."

"Really?" Liam asked looking at him with a hesitant expression "Then why did you bring _me_?"

Theo turned to look into his eyes. "Well ... it's different with you." He had a smile on his face, but his tone had never been more serious and kind, and Liam felt himself blush again, turning away immediately to look at the sky again. Theo bit the inside of his cheek before doing the same.

  
 

"It's so beautiful" Liam whispered shortly after, big eyes who seemed that was trying to grab, as much as they can, all the beauty of the show upon him  "I didn't think the stars could be seen so well even in winter"

"Really? Actually in winter you can see them much better" Theo explained, shifting his gaze from the sky to him and vice versa. "You know, with the cold the view becomes clearer" Liam turned to Theo, enjoying the sight of his relaxed face, his hair blowing slightly with the wind, and the green eyes reflecting the stars above them. His hands were clasped behind his neck, the muscles of his arms flexing under his jacket. "It's a wonderful sight, isn't it?" Theo continued.

"Yes it is" Liam whispered in response, dreamily, without looking away from him. He startled when he realized he was becoming creepy again and coughed back to look at the sky, his hands stretched out at his sides. Fortunately, Theo didn't seem to notice.

  
 

"Theo"

"Hmm?"

"Are you ... sure you're okay?"

Theo turned to look at him and sighed. "Yes, I'm fine" he answered slowly.

"Wha-what happened? With.. with Tracy?"

Theo was silent for a moment, as deciding how to respond. "Nothing, just - I don’t like her as much as she likes me, she wanted more, I couldn't give it to her, end of the story"

"So you ... broke up?"

"We never really were together, you know ..."

"I don't think Tracy thought so"

"You need two people to make a couple" Theo shrugged. "She knew from the beginning that it meant nothing to me, I never lied to her about it."

Liam looked at him for a moment, then gave him an almost amused smile. "You know, it really would have been a romantic catchphrase, if it weren't for the whole fuck buddies thing"

"Stop it" Theo burst out laughing, giving him a light push on the shoulder. Liam instinctively jumped, his hand darting to protect his ribs. Theo looked at him bewildered before realizing, a smile spreading on his face. "God, don't tell me you're ticklish?"

"No!" Liam said quickly, pulling back when Theo reached out again. "No-no, Theo, don't dare- uh-" He burst out laughing uncontrollably, wiggling under Theo's hands on his hips, when the asshole started tickling him, pulling himself to his knees to get free range. "Theo- stop, please-" Liam laughed again, panting, tears moistening his eyes. Theo laughed with him, enjoying the view beneath him, until it just became too much, and he stopped, his hands still on his hips, just watching him laugh. Liam quickly calmed down looking at him in turn, the shadow of laughter still lingering on his face. "What is it?" He gasped, catching his breath.

"Nothing-" Theo whispered, looking into his eyes. "It's just ... you're so much pretty when you laugh"

Liam blushed again, feeling his face suddenly ablaze as he looked away, his smile now completely gone. Theo felt somehow brave at the time. "You're pretty also when you blush" he added, his lips bent into an amused little smile.

"Stop it, you idiot" Liam muttered, embarrassed, daring to raise his eyes to look at him briefly, if possible even more red than before, his heart about to jump out of his chest

"Why? It's the truth" Theo whispered back. His eyes, which had never left Liam's, slipped on his lips, and Liam swore he was going to have a heart attack. _No no this can't happen_ , a voice shouted in his head while another even more bossy screamed something that sounded a lot like _'just kiss him!'._ Liam swallowed, feeling as if he were on the edge of an abyss, tense, on the line, undecided whether to take a step back toward the solid safe ground or to let himself fall towards the exciting and craved chasm. As Theo swung almost imperceptibly towards him, panic got the better of him, his blood freezing, every his little paranoia reaching his mind, and Liam finally looked away, turning his head to the trees that bordered the clearing. He felt the tension, stretched like a thread between them, breaking suddenly and painfully. Theo winced, almost as he had just realized what he was doing, and pulled back, and Liam took advantage of it to sit up, looking everywhere except Theo, uncomfortably, his heart pumping hard against his chest. He was almost sure that Theo could hear it. But he didn't want things to be strange between them, Liam was willing to put up with this huge weight in his chest, if at least that allowed him to have Theo beside him, as a friend, as a half-brother. So he did what he did best. He didn't talk about it.

  
 

"Um ... how- how about we go .. get something to eat ? Uhm I'm starving" he stammered hesitantly.

  
 

Theo knew what Liam was doing. He wanted to ignore it. As he had done every other time. As if to pretend it wasn't there, it served to erase everything. But it was painful. He didn't know if he could do that. It was like - over and over again - getting rejected. But he forced a smile "Yeah- yeah- let's go"

  
 

Theo said he didn’t want to be selfish this time - and he could try, really - but he didn't know how long he would actually last.

  
 

*

  
 

While Theo cautiously folded the blanket, Liam was dusting his jeans, but was distracted by his cell phone ringing. He pulled it out of his back pocket and looked at it, then glanced exasperatedly at Theo. "It’s mum" He picked up. "Uhm hey mom - sorry, we're just getting home now-" Liam suddenly fell silent, and his expression froze. "Mom, if you talk so fast, I can’t understand anything" he suddenly said alarmed, catching Theo's attention. "What happened? ... _What_?" He finally blew, and met Theo's face, which had mirrored his own expression. "Yeah" Liam finally muttered, pushing the phone away from his ear like in a trance and letting his arm fall to his side, eyes on the ground. Theo looked at him panicked. "What the hell happened?"

Liam's face was pale, his eyes wide and his jaw clenched as he turned up to look at Theo. "Liam ..?" Then his lips tilted into a trembling smile as his eyes moistened

"Scott" he just blew out. "He’s awake"

  
 

TO BE CONTINUED

  



	13. Need you here with me

 

Liam was barely aware of his mother’s voice still talking excited in his ear. His mind seemed to be tarnished, the words ' _he’is awake_ ' echoing in it as in a loop, again and again, as if each time it could become in some way more true. He was barely aware of Theo moving in front of him, saying something, then slipping his hand into his and pulling him towards the pickup. Everything seemed so far away. The stars, the city, every tree around them, all his previous worries. There was only that voice,  _he is awake, he is really awake,_ and a warm hand in his, which leaded him, and he who let him do it, because he knew he would lead him where he needed to be. He was barely aware of the road, the wild speed Theo drove through the streets, deserted at that hour, of Beacon Hills, heading for the hospital, he was barely aware of the silence, and the quick beat of his heart. He just knew that Theo's was like his. He was barely aware of the dozens and dozens of people around him as he came in a hurry from the front door, his breath short and Theo behind him of a few steps.

He came to his senses when he absently hit someone in the shoulder, and turned to the right stammering an "sorry" as he walked away. Then he looked up at the big desk in the waiting room, while his mother looked up at the sound of his voice. She immediately dropped the papers she was reading, walking at a fast pace, her eyes shining and a smile flickering on his face, as she pulled him into a quick and firm hug, before taking a step away, taking his face in her hands. "Oh, Li, this ..." she sighed, unable to hold back her smile "This is a real miracle, you know? I'm so so happy”

Liam tried to catch his breath and calm his pulse as he looked at his mother anxious. "How is he? What-?” He choked talking. And Jenna moved her fingers lightly over his cheeks in a fond half caress. "He's fine, they run some first tests and everything seems normal. They'll run others, but ... he's fine, honey,  _he's fine_ " Liam sighed, as she kept repeating those two words, as if she knew how much he needed to hear them. Jenna moved away, lowering her hands and leaving one resting on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. "They're all upstairs, maybe you want ...?" She asked faltering, and Liam nodded without thinking. "I want it" he said, even surprising himself with his firm tone.

Jenna's smile widened as her eyes began to moisten again. "Good," she just said. "They moved him to the first floor, room 59" she continued. "I have to get back to work, but we'll talk later, okay?" She gave him another flick, looking at him as he nodded trembling before returning to her job.

 

Theo, who had been watching them on the sidelines, approached as soon as Jenna had left.

He placed a hand on his shoulder from behind and Liam turned to look at him, a wave of calm that overwhelmed him on the spot. "I'll - I'll wait here, okay?" Theo said softly.

"No!" Liam immediately shouted, panic that threatened to rise again to the idea that Theo left him alone. He blushed embarrassed, when Theo looked at him with big eyes. "I-  _please_ \--" he added, with small voice lowering his head "I need you here with me" He ignored his heart beating in his chest on admission, and raised a hesitant glance at the other boy. 

Theo swallowed as he just nodded, not trusting his voice, and how much it could betray the emotions that were overwhelming him at that moment on hearing Liam say those words. This was no time to worry about this, now it had to be the push Liam clearly needed, so he reached out and grabbed the other guy's hand again and led him to the elevator.

He didn't let go as they climbed slowly, neither as they walked through the crowded corridors.

 

When Liam eyed the label "Room 59" from a distance he stopped in his tracks and Theo almost tripped, but he didn't protest, tightening his grip even more and drawing Liam's gaze on him. "Are you ready?" He asked softly, looking into his eyes.

Liam stared back at those deep green irises for a few seconds, before he nodded clenching his lips. "I'm ready"

Theo's lips tilted into an encouraging smile. "Then let's do it"

 

Liam had wondered all along the way what he was going to say, but the moment he stood on the threshold, and everyone turned to look at him, it was also the moment when everything disappeared. Stiles, Lydia, Malia and Melissa, someone stood, someone sat, became only indistinct shapes, and Liam felt his breath stop as all that remained before him were Scott's almost surprised eyes staring at him from his place on the bed, half-sitting against the raised backrest.

An eternity seemed to pass. But then Scott's whole face bent into such a warm smile as he called his name, and there Liam lost contact with everything. A minute before he was staring at the boy in front of him, Theo's hand as the only anchor that prevented him from running away, the next he could feel something melt in his chest, while his eyes clouded with tears. And the one after that, he doesn't know how, he had filled the distance by jumping on Scott and hugging him tightly, crying desperately on his shoulder, while Scott held him back, drawing random circles on his back. "I'm so sorry, Scott, I'm so sorry ..." he heard his voice stutter, choked with tears and Scott's shoulder pressure on his lips.

"I know, I know, Li." Scott quietly said, his voice still hoarse and weak, not stopping to hold him and tap his back. "It's everything okay now."

 

From his place on the threshold, Theo watched the scene somehow feeling both warmed up but also a kind of intruder. The others watched them fondly, Lydia and Melissa with tears streaming down their cheeks.

 

A few minutes later Liam pulled back, his eyes red and shiny, sniffling, one foot on the floor and the other knee against the mattress next to Scott's legs. "It's not okay. You should be angry at me" he mumbled weakly, wiping away the tears stuck on his eyelashes.

"I'm not, because it wasn't your fault, Li, like it wasn't Stiles' fault and it wasn't even Jackson's fault." Stiles made a snort at this and Scott looked at him with that exasperated expression and eyebrows arched that Liam, it will seem strange, had deeply missed. "It just happened, it was bad for a while but things got fixed. That's what matters" Then he shrugged. "I miss a few weeks of school and Christmas holidays? What a loss" he joked weakly.

Melissa raised an eyebrow in his direction, while Liam gave a watery smile. "I beg to differ" she said as a half smile spread across her face too. Even Theo let an amused snort go out, which he regretted when he finally caught everyone's eye on him. He shifted uncomfortably on the spot.

 

"Apparently we all missed something here." Stiles grinned, getting up and standing next to Theo, pointing at him with his thumb as he looked at Liam winking "Liam,  _dude_ , where the hell did you catch a boyfriend like this, you asshole!"

"Girlfriend, right here" Lydia reminded him, with an amused frown, while Liam blushed almost to his hair.

"Wai- he’s no-" Liam stammered. Theo didn't move, continuing to feel somehow out of place.

"I bet he's the special person you told me about the other week." Stiles tapped Theo on the shoulder and looked back at him. _Wait what?_ "Thanks for dragging this dunderhead here, sometimes he can be really stubborn, can't he?" Stiles joked, while Liam discovered a new shade of red. At that moment he just wanted to run to Stiles and fucking shut him up

"I can't deny that, but you know, I’m-"

"He's not my boyfriend!" Liam then shouted hastily. No one seemed to pay attention to him. "He is my brother" At that point everyone turned to look at him bewildered.

"Uhm sure I would remember such a brother" Stiles said, narrowing his eyes.

Liam blushed, looking down. "He's my step-brother"

"I'm Theo" he added then, out of the blue.

"Wait" Scott's expression changed from amused to baffled. " _That Theo_ ? The elementary Theo?” He said, looking at Liam.

Liam bit his lips and nodded, while Theo felt something heavy slip into his stomach.  _He knows, he knows what I've done._ Scott looked back at Theo, now a firmer, almost inquisitive expression on his face. "It's okay now, we- we-" Liam hastened to say, stumbling over his words in an attempt to explain what they were. Difficult when they didn't even know it.

"We're cool" Theo stepped in to help.

"Yeah" Liam stammered "We're cool"

Scott didn't speak for a few seconds. "Good" he said then. "If Liam is okay, then I have nothing to say." He looked at Theo again, before reaching out his hand. "I'm Scott" Theo smiled a little as he approached to grab it.

"I'm Stiles" the other happily interjected "And the girls here are Lydia, Malia and Melissa"

"Nice to meet you, Theo" Lydia said with a smile.

"Nice to meet you too, I've heard so much about all of you" he said, looking briefly at Liam.

"I hope all good things" Malia commented as she approached Liam and ruffled his hair. "This little shrimp... made us fucking worry about him" she said then turning a fake glare at Liam who blushed again, before looking everyone embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, guys."

"Oh honey!" Lydia said as she approached and hugged him suddenly. An even more red Liam hugged her back. "Part of this is also our fault, we should have come there to take you back from wherever you were, but .. I guess you just need some time, right?"

"Yeah ... I guess, I'm.. fine now"

"It's true that you did move to Beacon Hills High, man?" Scott asked, suddenly sorry. Liam nodded. "You won't change back, I suppose?"

Liam hadn't thought about it, and the question took him by surprise. Suddenly the idea of leaving the Beacon Hills High School, leaving Mason, Corey ... leaving Theo ... bothered him. "Probably not, I - I think I will stay there" he replied, before rushing to say "Well but that doesn't mean we won't see each other anymore! Always if ... if you still want-"

"Of course we want, idiot!" Stiles rolled his eyes, crossing his arms with an exasperated frown. "We will never let you escape again!"

"Yeah" Scott agreed. Then he looked at Theo. "I guess we'll meet on the lacrosse field then. I seem to remember having read your name on the coach's cards. You are the captain of Beacon High, right?"

"Yes, from this year" Theo said nodding

"Scott's captain too" Liam explained proudly.

"I don't think lacrosse should be one of your priorities now, honey" Melissa recalled with a frown. "You will have to do a lot of physiotherapy before going back to play"

"I know, but I’m trying to be optimistic here" Scott answered positively.

 

At that moment a nurse came to the door. "Sorry the intrude, but the visiting hours are over, the patient needs to rest now"

"Rest? I slept for almost two months" Scott protested, but the nurse ignored him as Stiles chuckled. "Oh I missed you so much dude"

"I would like to say the same, but you know, to me it’s like it was yesterday that you and Liam were discussing for that horrible Red Sox shirt"

"Dude!" Liam protested.

"It's horrible" Stiles commented quietly.

"It's not true"

"It is" Theo said.

Liam looked at him horrified. "You too? You got no idea!"

The three girls looked at each other amused. "Come on, let's let him rest now, what do you say?" Lydia suggested.

Melissa placed a kiss on Scott's forehead. "See you tomorrow morning, honey"

"Uh, Mom, do you think I could have one of your cheesecakes tomorrow for breakfast?" Scott asked hopefully.

Melissa looked at him exasperated. "I guess there are more suitable foods for your condition, darling"

"Ugh but I'm starving!" He groaned, making everyone laugh

"When you're out of here, I'll prepare as many you want"

"Can you put that in writing?”

 

*

 

Half an hour later Liam and Theo were in the car, the truck driving through the dark and deserted streets so strangely slow after the wild run of a few hours before.

Theo kept moving his gaze between the road out of the windshield and Liam, who instead kept his eyes out the window, probably caught up in his thoughts. The proof of this was that when Theo called him, he jumped slightly before turning to him.

"Hey are you okay?" Theo asked softly.

"I - yeah yeah, I'm fine" he answered, trying to sound firm.

"Sure?"

"Yeah ... I mean ... Scott is awake, it's great, everything's perfect now" Liam said. "Everything finally turned out okay, no more guilt, no more bad thoughts, right? Now I can -  _we can_ go back to being ... normal? -Normal and happy" Liam looked at him and sounded almost pleading, and it was as if Theo could hear the subtle prayer hidden behind his words.  _Let's not talk about it, let's not talk about what's happening to us, not now that everything seems to be going well._ It hurt, and Theo couldn't help but wonder how living in denial could sound for Liam even vaguely like normality, like happiness. It was not for Theo. He had never been patient, he had never been selfless. He was the guy who took what he wanted when he wanted it. And he wanted Liam so fucking much that every step that the other took away from him was like feeling his soul being torn into thousand pieces. 

He was selfish, but here in front he had Liam, which was probably the best thing that had happened to him in  _years_ . He could wait, wait for him to be ready too.  _You can do it, Theo._ He repeated himself. Trying not to think about the fact that maybe Liam would never have felt ready.

 

"Yeah, I think we deserve it, don't we?"

Liam's gaze lingered on him, his heart pounding and telling a different story from what his words said, implicit or not. He twisted his hands in his lap, looking down at them. "Yeah, we deserve it. And Theo ... I-" Theo looked at him "I think - I just wanted to say  _thank you_ "Liam stared at him. "For everything. I - I don't think I ever told you, but - since I came here, you did nothing but help me, with Scott and Gabe ... and with everything that happened in the past ... it's just - thanks, really ... I don't know where I would be without you now. I probably never even set foot in that hospital."

 

Theo looked at him, his eyes big and his heart throbbing, and he just wanted to stop the car there in the middle of the street, and grab Liam, pull him against him and kiss him, kissing him until losing all contact with reality, kissing him as if there were only the two of them in the world, as if nothing else mattered. And actually, that was how he felt when he was with Liam.

 

He swallowed, and looked down to hide his smile and probably his red cheeks. "You’re welcome" he just said, before looking at him with a sardonic smile. "I guess this is the least since I'm your  _special person_ , right?"

Liam blushed, giving him a push on the shoulder. "Shut up" Liam groaned. "I fucking hate Stiles"

Theo laughed. "I think he’s nice"

"Yes, because he was literally eye-banging you" Liam rolled his eyes annoyed

"What, are you jealous?" Theo was still grinning but immediately regretted having let those words slip away, because Liam blushed again and he turned back to the window.

"You wish" he murmured so lowly that Theo could very well pretend not to have heard him. So he stifled the urge to keep teasing him by answering "Well yes I really wish" as he wanted and simply fell silent, returning to focus on the road.

 

He had a long road ahead, he thought, and he wasn't thinking about the drive home.

 

*

 

Even though Theo was quite skeptical about it, as the days went by, he found himself thinking that maybe if he stopped making his whole world spinning around Liam, he could really start thinking that everything was back to normal. After that day they had been to the hospital twice more, until ten days later Scott was discharged. He didn't have much time between physiotherapy and school remedial now, and the only time Liam visited him, Scott insisted that he absolutely wanted to meet all his friends in Beacon Hills High. And so a tremendously nervous Liam found himself telling everything to Mason and Corey one day at lunch, with Mason almost punching him for not telling him for all that time, and Corey staring at Theo sitting next to Liam, with the face of someone who was clearly thinking 'I can’t believe you really did something like that for him'. And so yeah, somehow things seemed to go smooth for once. Their parents were happy, Liam seemed happy, the other boys no longer looked at him as if he were the devil on earth, even Tracy had stopped avoiding him by going back to talking to him as if nothing had happened, and Theo had never admired her strength of character as in that moment.

Liam continued to talk friendly with Hayden almost every day, he had also given her a report - though more vague - of the issue with Scott, apologizing for not having call her back in those days. And Liam was ashamed of the idea of using that as an excuse, but he was not yet ready to tell her that perhaps it was better to stay just friends, not because he feared that Hayden wouldn’t understand - in fact, he suspected that Hayden already knew - but because say it would be like admitting that he was too wrapped up in Theo just to think of someone else. He just couldn't make it.

 

And so it was like this that January gave way to February.

The cold was pungent outside, while they stayed warm indoors. They had just dined, and Theo was helping his dad wash and dry the dishes before Jenna returned from his evening shift.

 

"I should do what?" Theo asked stunned.

"Nothing should, you  _must_ , Theo" Paul replied quietly.

"God, Dad, you know I'm not good at these frivolous social things."

"Theo, you just have to buy a gift." Paul rolled his eyes as Liam shook his head on the sofa. "To Jenna, for her birthday, which is in four days, so you need to get a move on"

"What are you giving her? We could go halfsies for the money" Theo suggested eagerly.

"I booked a weekend in Mexico" Paul replied, looking at him deadpan.

"Okay no we can't go halfsies for the money. Unless I sell a kidney ... " Theo seemed to think about it seriously, so Liam turned, sighing in exasperation. "We can buy it together, the two of us, you idiot, I haven't bought anything yet anyway."

"I thought your gift was the cookbook you bought the other day in the bookstore" Theo remarked.

"That was for me" Liam replied, blushing. Why did Theo always have to notice everything?

Theo raised an amused eyebrow "Really? Now are you also interested in cooking, Dunbar?"

Liam rolled his eyes to hide his embarrassment as he went back to watching TV."Actually, I thought I could bake her a cake too. You can help me if you want"

"Obviously!" Theo exclaimed, opening his eyes wide."I won't leave the kitchen in your hands, I wouldn't want you to set the house on fire ...  _again_ "

"I didn't set the house on fire! Just ... the rug ..."

Paul stopped wiping the dishes looking up at Liam with an amused eyebrow. Not for nothing was Theo's father " _Seriously_ ? When did you set the carpet on fire?"

"It was an accident!" Liam stammered.

"He dropped a match and tried to put it out with oil" Theo said, even more amused.

"I thought it was water" Liam said even more red.

"Okay, yeah, of course, but you will never stand in the kitchen again without adult supervision."

"And would you be the adult?" Liam snorted. "I remind you that I am older than you,  _asshole_ "

"I will believe in that when you learn to distinguish water from oil,  _Liam_ "

"Fuck you"

"Language, boys" Paul said, but he did not sound so firm as he walked through the kitchen, rearranging everything. Theo shot another cheeky grin at Liam and Liam gave him the middle finger when Paul turned. Then Paul looked back at Theo. "So Theo tomorrow you're going to buy a gift for Jenna with Liam and then you will help him out not to set any more carpets on fire, okay?"

"Isn't that enough to help with the cake?" Paul's look was worth a thousand words, because Theo sighed rolling his eyes. " _Okay_ "

"Now I'm going in my studio, I have an important call to make"

Theo looked at him confused. "Important call? But if it's past ten!"

"Right yeah, it's past ten, so you two shouldn't be in bed by now? Tomorrow is school day" he just said disappearing over the door. Theo and Liam shared a dubious look.

 

*

 

Later that evening, Theo awoke with a start and a look at his watch told him that it was just past midnight. He groaned, snorting before getting up and leaving the room to go get a glass of water. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed from the top of the stairs that the light in the living room was still on. He could very well hear Jenna and Paul from there talking in a low voice so as not to wake them up. Theo hesitated, climbing down only the first two steps.

"Are you really sure about this?" Jenna was saying.

Paul said something that Theo didn't catch. "-I know that he needs to know that, sooner or later, though-"

"He will understand, you just have to find the right time to do it"

"Is there a right time for this?" Why did his father sound so  _exhausted_ ?

As he went down another step, the floorboards creaked and Theo froze, while Jenna and Paul fell silent. With bated breath, he quickly turned back before his father caught him again eavesdropping up there.

What were they talking about? If he wanted to hazard an attempt, he would say that it was certainly him. What should his father tell him? Did something happen? What was so bad that his father feared his reaction up to that point?

 

That night Theo could no longer sleep.

  


*

  


"Were they talking about you? Are you sure?" Liam asked when Theo had told him about the weird conversation he had overheard the night before. They were walking side by side along the main street, lined with shops looking for the perfect gift, when, between a chat and another, Theo had decided to talk about that with Liam. Actually, he hadn't really  _decided_ , it had just happened, as if it had become a normal thing for him to trust in Liam. Somehow it was a warming feeling.

 

"I don't know, it's just the logical conclusion, isn't it?" Theo shrugged. "I had the impression that he wanted to tell me something that he was sure I would not have liked"

"And you don't know what it could be?"

"I don't know, the last time he told me he wanted to talk to me and he had that expression, he said he would get remarried and I would have a brother” Theo said. "That didn't end so bad though, although I quite remember I insulted him a lot at that time" he reflected. "Maybe we're going to have a new brother? I hope at least he knows how to cook" he joked. Liam gave him a push on the shoulder making him laugh.

"Why should this be bad news?"

Theo shrugged "Well, he could come out both an asshole like me and a lunkhead like you, I'd be fucking scared of the idea"

"Stop it, idiot, and b serious. It's an important thing. You could have been adopted, or someone you know could be sick or worse, dead ..."

"I was definitely not adopted, the only relatives I have except my father, it’s my grandparents and they are fine, considering that I spoke with them yesterday, and I already know that my father is sick, I was the first to know and I was ten years old" Theo reported quietly.

"What?" Liam gasped. "What's wrong with your father?"

"He has a bad heart.. for years, but he's not as serious as it seems. He just needs to be careful. I thought you knew"

"What? Theo, why did you make me say that I almost burned down the house in front of a person with a weak heart?!” Liam asked, bewildered.

Theo rolled his eyes. "He will not die for your stupidity, if it were possible, he would have already been killed by mine years ago" Then he stopped abruptly. "Oh wait - how about that as a gift for your mother?"

Liam followed his gaze and sighed "I won't give my mother a sound system, Theo"

"Why not? It's just perfect!"

"Just because you would like to use it, isn't it?"

"I'd take good care of it for her" he admitted cheerfully.

"Theo, please, be serious, we have to find something that will please  _her_ , not you. This is the point of _making a gift_ "

"Relax, Dunbar, I was just kidding... maybe" he grumbled as he started walking again. Liam dragged his gaze to the window, dwelling on a showy poster advertising a fair. He stopped again. "Hey, look at this, Theo, that's so cool, I always wanted to go to one of these things." Theo turned back and stood beside him. "A fair?" He asked skeptically.

"It must be cool, there will be live music, food stands and rides, and it's here in Beacon Hills" Liam read with his eyes brightening. "We should go too, all together ... me, you, Mason and Corey ..."

Theo hesitated reading the date. "Um, we could, but ... did you see what day it is?" He asked faltering.

Liam snapped to read the bold date below. It reported February 14th. "14th ..?" Then he remembered. It was Valentine's Day. "Ah"

"Probably Mason and Corey will have other planes" Theo said slowly. "And Josh will certainly work considering the date, and I'm not going to hang out with Hayden and Tracy ever again." Theo looked at Liam, whose expression had somehow winded down. He pursed his lips. "Maybe you should invite Hayden" he suggested reluctantly. Liam looked at him almost alarmed, before lowering his eyes and blushing. "I don't think it's a good idea, we ...- we decided to be just friends" Liam immediately regretted that pathetic excuse, mentally cursing himself, because it wasn't true at all. Just because he had decided it, it didn't mean that Hayden knew about that.

Theo pursed his lips again, watching him as he stared back at the large poster with a sad expression. "Well then ..."  _Don't say it, Theo, don’t say it_ "We could go there, the two of us"

Liam turned to look at him quickly, his eyes wide and his expression faltering. "The two of us ... as in.. me and you.. together ... on Valentine's Day?"

Theo shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, well ... like ... some kind of single protest. We can't just stay home because we don't have someone to spend this stupid day.” Theo shrugged trying to minimize. "What do you think?"

Liam looked at him for a moment. Then he nodded slowly. "Okay"

Theo smiled "Good" Then he pulled him by the sleeve "Come on, I think I had the perfect idea for the gift"

Liam groaned as he let himself be pulled away "Theo, I swear to God that if it's another one of yours , I will drown you in the fountain over there-.."

 

*

 

Theo's idea wasn't so bad. Actually, it was not bad at all. So just like that, an hour later they found themselves buying a beautiful photo frame, and then choosing as many good photos of their four together from their cell phones sitting in front of a hot chocolate in a bar. It was nothing expensive or flashy, but it was something Liam was sure his mother would love. And he couldn't help but feel a warmth in his chest at the idea that Theo had such a sweet idea.

 

God, he could literally feel something grow inside him towards the other boy day after day. To the point that he feared he would get to the point that holding it back it would become impossible, to the point of driving him crazy. Liam knew that accepting to go out with Theo on Valentine's Day had been a gamble, and if on the one hand he was fucking terrified, on the other he couldn't help feeling thrilled. What could go wrong after all?

 

What he didn't really know back then was  _how much_ things could go wrong...

 

*

  


"You know, I think you've done something wrong" Theo remarked quietly.

"What? Why? "Liam turned to see Theo with a finger dirty of dough, busy licking it off. "Theo!" Liam approached pushing him away "Let alone the dough!"

"It's wrong, it’s trashed, Liam"

"I don't believe it" he pushed.

"Well then, taste it." Theo crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. Liam looked at him upset before doing as he said, taking a large spoonful. He instantly regretted it. "Now tell me it's not salty" Theo said.

Liam spit it out in the sink, taking a sip of water from the bottle lying next to it. Theo watched him with amusement as he ran his hand over his mouth disgusted. "What the hell-" he cursed.

"Why did you put salt in it?"

"It was on the recipe!" Liam exclaimed, pointing to the open book on the counter.

Theo rolled his eyes as he approached the book. "Says a pinch of salt here"

"That's what I put in"

"Okay then, come on, let me see how much a pinch is!"

Liam looked at him angrily again, before slipping a hand into the container and pulling it out with a large handful of salt. Theo looked at him stunned. "This isn't a pinch, you idiot!"

"How the hell should I know?!" Liam protested.  
 

"This is a pinch!" Theo stuck his forefinger and thumb in the container, then pulled the pinch of salt straight up to Liam. Liam squeaked in shock, backing away. "Hey,  _asshole_ !" And he grabbed some flour from the leftover pile spreading it on Theo's face.

"I don't believe you really did it" Theo said motionless, a slight veil of threat behind his quiet tone. "You know?" He raised his hands, stepping in an intimidating way. "I'll tickle you to death now." Liam assumed a terrified expression,stepping back and grabbing the dough bowl. "Stand back, I have a bowl of dough and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Theo burst out laughing "You know this might have been the most stupid thing I heard you say, and trust me ... I've heard you say a lot of them!"

"Ah yeah?" Liam gave him a mischievous smile before taking a handful of dough and throwing it directly at him.

Theo glared at him "Now I will really fucking kill you!" And it was all he said before he snapped.

Liam squeaked, placing the bowl on the counter and starting to run, with Theo behind. They went around the kitchen and the living room twice, dodging and running from side to side like two kids, until Liam returned to the counter, hiding behind it "Truce!" He shouted, panting.

"No fucking truce for you, Liam" Theo said in a fake menacing tone. When Liam tried to pass by him to escape again, Theo stopped him making them dropping both on the ground. Panting to catch his breath, while they both burst out laughing, Liam looked at Theo above him "You're fucking out of your mind!"

"I know" Theo said with a grin, pressing his hands against his chest to hold him still as he sat up. "Where were we?"

"No tickling, please!" Liam exclaimed pleading trying to pull his hands away.

"Oh no, I’ve got something better in mind." Theo reached out to grab the bowl still on the counter above them and Liam looked at him, widening his eyes. "Don’t fucking dare-" With a evil grin, Theo grabbed a handful of dough and spread it on his face slowly. Liam closed his eyes to protect them as Theo laughed. "You're a fucking asshole" Liam muttered.

"Reap what you sow ... or what you knead in this case" Theo said, placing the bowl on the floor and admiring his masterpiece. "I hate you so much" Liam whimpered, bringing his hands up to his face and removing as much viscid cream as he could before pulling it against Theo's shirt. "My mom will literally kill us if she sees the mess we've just made here"

"We'll make sure she never knows" Theo said slowly, finally pausing to look at the boy below him. His eyes lingered on the mixture that made his lips dirty, and he managed to suppress the impulse to kiss it away just because doing so would probably have made him throw up, given how salty it was. Liam looked at him, catching his breath, like realizing just now the position they were. He blushed, but his eyes stopped on the flour patch that had covered the mole that Theo had on his cheek. For some reason it was disturbing, and it was weird given the mess they both were, but he couldn't help but raise his right hand and wipe it off that single one. Theo's heart fastened at the gesture as an embarrassed Liam returned his nervous gaze. Theo sighed. "Li, I ...-"

 

Then the bell rang. They both jumped, suddenly turning back to reality, and Theo jumped to his feet. He cursed. "Who the hell is at this time?" He grabbed a cloth from the counter and quickly wiped his face, while Liam sat up first and then stood. Theo left the kitchen, leaving Liam to wash his face.

 

When he opened the door, he thought for a moment that there was no one. And he frowned in confusion. Then he noticed. The kid standing in front of his door. He was probably eight years old, blond hair and dark eyes.

"And you are?" Theo asked confused.

"Is this Raeken house?" He asked right away. His eyes went past Theo studying the inside of the house. "I imagined it bigger" he said quietly.

"Hey, who's at the door?" Liam's voice spoke, before he, too, appeared by his side. Theo looked at him. "I haven't the slightest idea" he told him, before returning to look at the kid. He crossed his arms "So .. who the fuck are you?"

Liam gasped "Hey! There is a kid here!" Liam whispered, giving him a punch on the shoulder, at which Theo rolled his eyes, forcing a smile on the child who must have been courteous but it turned only disturbing.

"Sorry, so... please, would you tell me what you need, kid?"

"Which one of you is Theo?" he said straightly.

"It's me" Theo sighed.

"Man, I hoped it was you" the boy looked at Liam, with a displeased expression, and there Theo snapped. Did he already say that he has never been patient?

"Hey, you brat, stop playing games and tell me what you want, who the hell are you?"

The kid looked at him curiously for a moment.

"I'm Nathan" he said with a shrug and an obvious tone, as if he expected Theo to know already "I'm your brother"

 

Theo wasn't sure he heard right. He shared a glance with Liam and it was when he saw the shock in his expression that he realized it. ‘Cause...  _what?_

  


_TO BE CONTINUED_

  
  
 

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, this chapter has been a struggle.  
> I just wanted to say that I have not any medical knowledge, so sorry if something about Scott's condition is weird or quite irrealistic ^_^


	14. Need to know the answer

" _I’m your brother"_

 

A stunned silence had followed those words, and Liam and Theo had frozen staring at the kid standing before them, with their mouths open, while he returned their gaze impassive, as if he found absolutely nothing strange about that.

 

"I know I said we could have a brother, but I didn't think it would be so quick" Liam commented, blinking, trying to break the tension

"Liam, it's not really fucking time for jokes!" Theo rolled his eyes in his direction, before taking a step towards Nathan. "Listen to me, you brat" he said with anger, "I have no idea where you came from or who put something like that in your head , and if it's kind of a joke it's not funny at all-"

"I'm not joking, stupid!" He rolled his eyes too, annoyed, and Liam could not help noticing the similarity between the two. "Mom has been babbling about you for  _years_ , but whenever I asked her to take me to you she never wanted to. You know, I have a sister, but she's a girl, she doesn't understand anything, I always wanted to have a brother ... " he spoke with a disarming innocence.

Liam narrowed his eyes in confusion "Your mother ... knows Theo?" He was in way over his head. "And anyway, how the hell did you get here? How old will you be? 6? Are you?"

"I am 9, shithead" he said tapping his foot.

"Oh my God, Theo, he’s really your brother!"

"And I came by bus. Yesterday I saw Uncle Paul's wedding invitations so I finally came to know the address" he announced proudly.

"Uncle .. Paul?" Theo sputtered, puzzled.

 

Then suddenly everything turned clear. He stopped, looking at him with wide eyes as the realization finally hit him. He remembered that baby he had seen in his mother's arms almost 9 years ago as if it had happened yesterday. He remembered every detail of that scene, how his mother was dressed, with her blonde hair up, and a smile on her face, to the color of his jumpsuit, the Christmas tree on a beige background. He had repeated that scene in his head almost maniacally, wondering where he had been wrong for being left out, for having been deprived of the same thing.

 

"You have to get out of here right away" he said dryly.

"Theo" Liam said, baffled. Theo ignored him and kept looking at the child who didn't move of a inch

"You can't stay here" he repeated, feeling the control slipping away as pieces of conversations came back to him.  _Wedding invitations? Uncle Paul ?!_

"Theo" Liam grabbed him by the arm pulling him aside and Theo finally looked at him.

"No Liam, you don't understand- he- he is-" he said in a low voice, an expression so vulnerable and upset on his face that Liam's heart just tightened as looking at him. He had never seen Theo this way before.

"I know, I understand it, but listen to me - he has no fault in this. He came here because he just wanted to meet you. He is your brother"

"He is not! He's just the son of the woman who  _abandoned_ me! And ...  _Oh god!”_ He groaned frustrated, bringing his hands to his face trying to rearrange his thoughts.

"Theo, you should call your dad, I think you deserve answers, do you? And you've waited too many years for them. Don't you want to know what all this means?" Liam spoke, trying to sound as reasonable as possible.

"Honestly? I don't think I want to know, I'm  _afraid_ to know" he murmured, shaking his head and putting his hand to pull his hair back.

"Listen, you call him or I'll call him, ok?" Liam said firmly and Theo looked at him, pursing his lips. Then he sighed. "Okay .. okay .." He glanced briefly at Nathan who was walking around the corridor looking at the pictures hanging on the wall "What do we do with him?" He asked sharply.

Liam shot him an unimpressed look before approaching the kid. "Hey, would you like something to eat?"

He looked at him impassively "Not really"

"A movie?"

He grimaced "Nah"

Liam hesitated "Video games?"

That seemed to get his attention. "What kind of video games?"

Liam made a smug expression "Just name one and here you'll find it for sure"

Nathan's eyes lit up as Liam pointed to the stairs. "Come on, I'll show you"

"Yay!" And he shot up the stairs. Liam turned to Theo, giving him a determined nod before following him.

 

Theo sighed. That was so fucking crazy. A moment ago he was making a fucking childish food war with Liam in their kitchen and that after everything had turned upside down. Theo paused for a moment, staring at his father's contact on display. He had always told him not to bother him at work, but ... Liam was right. He deserved answers. That kid couldn't have gotten out of nowhere. No. He knew about him,  _his mother had told him about him?_ To the point of making him want to meet him. She was talking about him, but had she ever bothered to show up? Why?

He had arrived here driven by curiosity, exactly as he had done nine years earlier. He had done it because he had read the stupid wedding invitations which his father had sent. His father ...  _Had he kept in touch with that woman?_ To the point that Nathan called him  _uncle_ ?! To the point that his father had the idea of inviting her to the wedding ?! Without even talking to him about it ... Theo didn’t know what anything meant anymore. Yes, he wanted answers. He  _needed_ answers. And he wouldn't wait. So he pressed the call button.

 

His father answered after only three rings and sounded slightly amazed.

"Theo? Why do you call me at work? Did something happen?”

Theo didn't even know how to explain it. He didn't know whether to get angry or scream or tear his hair. But none of this was meant for him. He was made to hold himself back, to never waver.

 

_Only the weak cry._

 

So all that came out was pure and sour sarcasm "Oh I don't know, you tell me! Since in our house just right now there is a kid who claims to be my brother and who apparently knows you  _very well_ , Uncle Paul!"

Silence fell. That lasted for several seconds, to the point that Theo began to fear that his father had really had a heart attack this time, until then he spoke, his voice inflexible but somehow  _different_ . "I'm coming home"

And closed the call.

  


When Liam came down the stairs, five minutes later, he found Theo sitting at the kitchen counter, the phone beside him as he stared at the minutes passing in the display, his foot tapping impatiently.

"Hey" he called softly, sitting down next to him. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know, I feel ..." he sighed. "I feel almost like I am dreaming, as if all this  _cannot_ be true, it must be just a crazy dream. Maybe I hit my head when I landed you first and now I'm on the ground unconscious at that point and you're trying to revive me punching me in the face, and that would explain why I feel like my head is going to explode" Theo blathered, and Liam laughed slightly. "Could I try to hit you and see if you wake up?" He suggested ironically.

Theo also laughed weakly, then looked at him sadly "I'm sorry if I ruined your attempt to bake a cake for Jenna"

"Um I don't think you ruined it, you probably saved her from a poisoning on her birthday" he commented quietly, never ceasing to look at him. He knew that Theo was not okay, despite his strong facade.

Theo laughed again. "And somebody says I can't make gifts"

Liam snorted and then let his smile slowly fade before speaking again. "Do you already know what you’re going to tell your father?"

"Oh I won't say anything,  _he_ needs to explain a few things to me."

Liam bit his lip "And what about your mom?"

"She what?"

"Well, she talked to Nathan about you, it doesn't seem like the attitude of someone who has forgotten you"

Theo snorted mockingly "This has not any importance, nothing can ever make up for the fact that she has never bothered to make an appearance in these ten years ! She just left, she can say what she wants, for all I care"

"But have you ever-" Liam froze at the sound of the key turning in the lock, and they both turned toward the door, while footsteps were being heard in the hall.  _Too many_ steps.

 

Theo got up when his father appeared at the door, looking at him with a face so tense and worried and nervous at the same time that he almost regretted calling him.  _Almost_ .

Paul looked quickly around the living room. "Where is he?"

"Upstairs" Paul nodded tightly, Theo looked at him, waiting for something, the impatience that devoured him inside. "Then? Have nothing to say?” He snorted skeptically.

Paul took a breath as if to take courage. "Theo, we need to tell you something and-"

Theo frowned in confusion. "We?"

Paul bit his lip and glanced briefly to his right, toward the door probably. "Yes, we" Then he nodded his head, moving to make room for a woman, who stepped forward faltering and possibly even more tense and worried than Paul.

 

Liam didn't even have to ask who she was because her face, her features, her hair ... it was like looking at Theo in a mirror. His eyes widened, starting to look at Theo, motionless and pale, his gaze fixed on her.

"What's she doing here?" Theo clenched his fists, and Liam could almost see him tremble with rage beside him.

"Listen, Theo-" she began faintly, and at the sound of her voice, Theo became even paler, as if he just had the proof that she was really there. That she was real.

"No no no" Theo laughed almost hysterically "I don't want to do this now, I don't even want to  _hear you_ , you have to go away,  _now_ !"

"Theo ..."

"No dad ... why the hell did you bring her here?" he shouted.

"It's her son" the man said weakly.

"Ah yes? Well, I am too, but it wasn't a problem for her to leave me once! How dare you show your face in this place again??!"

"Honey-" The woman tried to take a step forward, but then she started at Theo's angry tone

"Don't call me that!" He looked upset between his mother and father. "I - I want to know what the hell is going on here!" He then blurted out, trying to put as much calm in his voice.

"Theo ...you see, Nathan-" Paul began.

"Not him, I know very well who he is! I saw him with mum and another man when I went to her years ago!"

"What have you d-?"

"Don't try to turn the blame on me now!" Paul fell silent. "I want to know what's going on with  _her_ !" Theo pointed to the pale woman still motionless in the doorway. He could hardly recognize in her the harsh and cold woman he remembered from childhood. "He's here because he read the invitations, you ... did you invite her to your  _wedding_ ? And he ... he knows you! For all these years while I thought she had abandoned  _us_ , have you been  _in touch with her_ ?!” he asked incredulously and almost hurt.

Paul sighed "Theo, listen to me, this is not the way I wanted to tell you-"

"Wait, is this what you were talking about the other day with Jenna? The thing you didn't know how to tell me?” He suddenly realized.

"Were you eavesdropping off the stairs again?"

"Don’t-" Theo groaned in frustration. "Dad! I want to know what the hell is happening! Now!"

"Theo, I don't think this is the right time-"

"Paul" Paul turned to look at the woman next to him, who was holding the strap of her shoulder bag so tightly that her hands were now white. She looked at him trembling "Maybe he's right, he ... he needs to know the truth, just like this he can decide what to do"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Theo" She turned to him "There are things about this that you don't know, we thought we were doing the right thing by keeping you in the dark, but we probably just made things worse."

"What things?" Theo immediately asked, bewildered. No one spoke, Theo looked from one to the other again. "Do you talk or not?!" he snapped.

"Maybe we should talk about that... alone ... it is a ... family thing?" Her gaze lingered briefly on Liam who shifted uncomfortably from his corner where he was following the whole scene anxiously. "Um yes .. sorry, I can go ups-"

"No!" Theo screamed angrily, without looking away from her, but pressing a hand on Liam's chest to make him sit back "Liam stays here, he is much more family than you are!" Liam would have dwelt on how much those words caused him such an upheaval inside, if it had not been for the alarming situation. "Now just talk!" Theo crossed his arms. "But nothing you say will ever make me change my mind about you!" He looked at his mother with fury, but it was his father who answered, with something like desperation in his face.

"Actually you will probably change your mind about me" he just said.

"What ... would that mean?" Theo asked , suddenly confused.

"Theo, you have to know first of all that everything I've done, I've always done for you"

"What ... what did you do?" Theo blew in a weak voice, the panic that was finally beginning to rise.

"Theo" His mother stepped forward, slipped the bag from her shoulder and placed it on the table. "Listen, both your father and I made choices that we are not proud of, and in the end the only one to lose was you, even if it wasn't what we hoped for. I won't ask you to forgive me, I just want you to know the truth. Now that you're a man, now that-"

"Now that you're finally throwing the past behind you, and going forward" Paul completed

Theo laughed again "For what? To pull me back again?"

"No to let it go completely" Paul replied.

"First though, where is Nathan? I don't want him to hear any of this.” The woman looked at the two boys and Liam cleared his throat, taking word after much. "He's upstairs, in my room, busy with video games, I don't think he'll be able to hear anything."

She briefly nodded, then returned to Theo. "Honey, listen to me, maybe it'll sound crazy, but ... everything… started when you were just two. You probably don't remember it, but at the time, I ... " she hesitated "I was pregnant"

"What?" Theo asked in amazement.

"Yes, you were small and I never got through the fifth month so you never got to notice it, that’s it..."

"Why ... what happened?"

"We ... were involved in a... car crash. And I - well, I lost the baby." There was something in her voice and the way she looked at Paul that told him that that wasn't all.

"The accident ... it was my fault" his father said finally. "Your mother called because I used to pick her up at work, I was ... tired from work and ... I drank a little that night, so I ... fell asleep driving"

"Oh my god ..." Theo whispered. Then he looked at them baffled "But I don't understand ... what does this have to do with-?"

"That was the day our marriage ended, with time it became impossible to stay together. But we decided to keep living together ... for you. At least until you were old enough to understand our decision" his mother explained, pale, as if the memories hurt her somehow. It was probably like that.

"So what happened?" Theo asked with anger. He really didn’t get the point of all this.

She shared another nervous glance with Paul who nodded to her.

"I ... had ...  _problems ..._ after all that had happened. I had a bad time, and I fell into depression. I never realized how deeply I was going down until I started drinking. And that just made things worse. I became ... almost obsessive ... with you. I was protective  _unhealthily_ , and alcohol made it worse, to the point that I couldn't even bear the idea of seeing you cry. I wanted you strong, as if this gave me the security that nothing bad would ever happen to you ... and in my twisted mind I was willing to do anything because you became that... also ... hurting you myself"

"I never noticed anything, for months, I was never home and I should have been more present, and that ... that was my first mistake" Paul said weakly. "Then ... when you were five, I came home one day and found you crying desperately in the living room, and immediately realized that... someone... had hurt you ... and I thought we couldn't go on like this"

"Your father talked to me and we decided to try to do something ... I was admitted to a specialized clinic and I spent there some days, but then I came back and everything started all over again, we tried a lot of times, until the winter of your seven years"

"So ... that’s where you went every time you left?" Theo asked faintly.

"Yes, the last time we thought it was finally the good one, but ... it happened again. I drank, your father caught me in the act and we started fighting. You were there, and it was the first time you really saw us arguing. You tried to get in the way, and I ... I pushed you, Theo, and you fell down the stairs." By now his mother was crying, the tears slowly pouring down his cheeks. Theo swallowed "I'll never forget that day. I wanted to protect you, instead I had become a threat to you, you were my son, I should have kept you safe and instead I was the one hurting you the most."

"That's ... the reason why you leave?" Theo asked in a low voice.

"I made myself hospitalized again, and this time I decided to stay, and I stayed there for a long time, but-" She looked at Paul, tense "-That's not why I never came back"

"What does that mean?" Even Theo looked expectant at his father.

"That day, after the incident with the stairs, I ..." Paul avoided his eyes as he spoke "I chased your mother out of the house, told her to never come back, reported her and asked for a restraining order, and started the practices to make sure they took her off your custody" then he confessed.

 

Theo didn't believe what he had just heard. " _You what?_ "

"I couldn't let her put you in danger again, Theo"

"And so ... let me understand ... you ... you threw her out of the house and that's it?!" His voice broke. "And you've spent ten years telling me that she was gone and was not coming back, when it was  _you_ the one keeping her away?"

"Theo, your dad... has done the right thing ..-"

"Someone did ever ask me what _I_ thought?" Theo screamed. He could feel his eyes burning, and though he tried to hold back his tears, he was sure he was failing miserably. "I was a kid and I thought my mother hated me, that she didn't want me ... I spent years wondering where I was wrong ...! And you’re telling me now that all this was just the result of an endless series of your stupid mistakes, of your stupid choices ...?! And I shouldn't get angry?!” Theo made a scornful outburst, taking a step towards the door, and stopping to look at them one last time. "You know what, I don't want to have to deal with either of you right now! I don't even want to look at your faces !! I-” He made again a groan of frustration, shutting himself and leaving the room. A moment later he slammed the front door behind him.

Liam didn't even think for a second before following him, and the last thing he saw of the room were the two of them, while she leaned her head against Paul's chest, shaking with sobs, and Paul wrapped her shoulders 

*

  


"Theo- Theo! Wait!" Liam picked up the pace even more, finally reaching Theo, who had continued to go straight on without turning around, and grabbed him by the wrist. Theo tried to break free from his grip, pulling forward, intentionally determined not to look at Liam, until Liam tugged. "Theo, please-"

When he finally saw Theo's face, he understood why he didn't want Liam to stop him. He was crying, the tears were pouring down his cheeks, his lower lip trembling as he tried to turn his head in an attempt to prevent Liam from seeing him. Something in Liam's heart shattered at the sight, while without thinking twice he pulled Theo into an embrace. He felt Theo melt in his arms as he clung to his shoulders, sobbing with his head hidden against his neck. Liam let his hand caress the fabric of Theo's shirt as he buried his nose in his hair, gently whispering to him "Shh it's okay, I got you"

 

*

 

Liam returned a few minutes later sitting next to Theo on the sidewalk and handing him a beer.

Theo, his face still flushed and his eyes swollen, looked at him curiously as he grabbed it "A beer?" He asked, amused.

"You looked like someone who could use some beer" Liam confirmed, uncorking his own.

Theo laughed dry "Yeah you are right" He approached the bottle to Liam in order to make them collide and Liam obeyed "Well to our fucked up lives" he said with a grimace.

"Cheers" Liam retorted, bringing the bottle to his mouth.

They fell silent, and Theo shook the bottle in his hands, moving uneasily. "Sorry ... first, you know ... I didn't want to-" He blushed slightly, thinking about how long he had cried on Liam’s shoulder.

"You shouldn't, I probably owed it to you." Liam gave him a hesitant smile before looking down at the ground. "You know, I wish I could do more ... than offer you a beer ... I feel so useless right now"

"That's not true. You are not. You are here right? And then, you know, if your whole story with Scott taught me anything, it's that I really can't blame her for what she did. It wasn't what she wanted, but it happened anyway. But ... " He shook his head, looking at Liam's eyes."How can I trust her? How can I know that she won't disappear again? And how can I still trust my dad knowing that he lied to me for years? What are you supposed to do when you find out you've built  _your whole life_ on a lie?"

Liam looked at him and shrugged his shoulders sadly. "Do you cling to the only one truth?" He suggested.

"What would it be?" Theo asked, distressed

"They love you, they were wrong, but they just wanted to protect you. Maybe they have failed, but now you have the chance to choose how to behave, nothing will depend more on their choices, it will depend solely and exclusively  _on you_ "

"So what should I do?"

"Maybe ... give your mother the benefit of the doubt? Try .. to know her? Give her the chance to deserve your forgiveness? Give your father the chance to make up for it?  _Just face them._ What you told me to do"

Theo stayed silent for a few seconds. "You know it's easier to give advice when you're not the one having to follow them" Theo snorted 

Liam laughed shaking his head and then returning to look at him "Promise me you'll think about it though?"

Theo looked at him for a moment before returning to staring at the deserted street before him, and if he said yes it was just because of the pleading and anxious expression painted on Liam's face.

  


*

 

Liam wanted to say that Theo had followed his advice, but it wasn't. Actually he seemed determined to avoid contact with both, and if it seemed easy with his mother, with his father he wasn't, at all. And the expression on Paul's face was so sad that Liam wished he could do anything to help, but there was nothing he could do. That had to be Theo's choice.

However, he appreciated the effort he put to keep the situation quiet during the birthday dinner, and Jenna probably appreciated it too. She knew how hard it was for them, but when she suggested canceling everything, Theo had protested strongly.

 

The real problem was that Theo seemed to have returned to his usual old self, all closed in on himself. He barely spoke, and sometimes didn't even eat. And Liam was sure he skipped the classes more often than he wanted to let him know.

 

On February 12 at the end, while they were out of the lockers waiting for the bell, Liam had looked at him uncertainly, asking him if he still was in the mood to spend the Valentine's Day out after all that had happened. Theo had looked at him and just shrugged.

"I could use a little distraction, can I?" He had just said before closing the locker and moving away with a little wave

 

Something in his chest hurt to see Theo walk away, to the idea that Theo could go back pushing everyone away ... pushing  _him_ away.

_I will take advantage of our outing to talk to him again,_ he found himself thinking, as he casually walked towards the Spanish class. That was when he slammed against someone, dropping all their books. "Sorry sorry!" He looked up as he bent down and noticed that it was Hayden. "Hey!" He added, helping her pick up the books and then stand up.

"Hey" she greeted with a smile.

"Sorry, I was- a little thoughtless"

"Don't worry, you know.. I was looking for you actually" she said, taking the books that Liam handed her, murmuring a “Thanks”

"Really?"

Hayden shifted embarrassed clutching the books to her chest "I wondered if you were free ... the day after tomorrow?" Liam's heart skipped a beat "There’s a fair in town and we could  ... do not know, go together?" she asked hopefully.

"Um ... here, I-" Liam stammered, embarrassed, trying to find a way out. He realized he was extremely contradictory, but he didn't want to give up being with Theo, right now more than ever. "I ... I already ... have another engagement, yeah ..."

"Ah" Hayden's smile went limp and Liam understood how it sounded like said like that  "with my mom, and Theo's dad... and Theo" he hastened to add. "Family outing, it was my mom's birthday last week .."

"Ah, I see." Hayden's face seemed to clear. "Well then ... another time?"

"Yes .. yeah of course" Liam said

"Well, now I have to run, I have literature in two minutes"

"Okay, I'll... see you at lunch"

  


Liam sighed in distress. Never before as in those weeks Liam had felt like his life was literally getting out of hand

  


*

 

Theo knew that his life had literally got out of hand. It was a week since he couldn’t stop thinking and thinking. To every single moment, every single word spoken by his mother or father that could have been an indication of all that was happening to them. But nothing. He couldn't remember. He felt like he was drowning trying to hold on to something that wasn't really there. He felt fucking betrayed. That’s the word. From the two people in the world who should have loved him the most. He had suffered and fought the idea of having been abandoned by his mother for years, of not having been wanted, but he had always been able to count on his father. Rationally, he knew his father was still there, that he loved him anyway, and he knew he loved him back too, but the uncertainty had made its way into him, to the point of questioning everything else. If he couldn't trust his parents, who could he?

 

_Of Liam. I trust Liam._ A voice in his head continually suggested, and it was true. Liam had been there for him, in ways no one had ever been, but ... but there was also a but.

 

This was not the way he wanted it. He didn't know what to do with his father, he didn't know what to do with his mother, and he really didn't know what to do with Liam. He had always lived with the fear that people would left him, and now the three closest people to him were becoming a confused shadow. He could not define them, he could not find their place. And for the first time, Theo was tired of all these doubts. For the first time, he just wanted fucking answers. And for the very first time, he wasn't afraid to hear them. Because they would have been anyway less painful than all this frustration and perennial uncertainty. Theo was just tired of waiting.

 

*

 

"Hey"

When Liam noticed Theo's pickup in the parking lot, he headed there without hesitation. Once he closed the door behind him, he looked at the other boy. "Where were you? I didn't even see you at lunch" he exclaimed, widening his eyes.

"I returned home after the third hour" he replied quietly as he left.

"Did you practically wait for Mom and Paul to leave for the airport to come home?"

"Yeah."

"Theo" Liam sighed. "I don't want to seem moralistic to you, but you should stop skipping school"

"Yes"

"Yes what"

"You look moralistic" he said with a grin.

Liam glared at him. He knew that that was his way of saying "let's change the subject", so he huffed and looked ahead.

"Do you want to go home and change? Or do we go directly to this fair?"

"Let's go directly. I changed into the gym locker roo, I didn't want to waste time" Liam replied with a smile.

Theo laughed, pressing on the gas.

 

The space set up for the fair was huge and incredibly crowded. While Theo was passing two bills to the guy at the ticket entrance, Liam looked around in wonder. Theo looked at him, barely holding back a smile. Sometimes Liam looked like a child.

"So what do you want to do first?" He asked as he handed him his ticket.

"I want cotton candy"

"Okay lead the way"

  


The two passed from one stand to another, sharing packets of candies and peanuts. And Liam had to drag Theo away from some stands twice when he risked coming to blows with the managers because he claimed that it was impossible that the cans hadn't fallen when he shot them with the lead guns.

 

"They're fucking cheaters!" He moaned for the thousandth time.

"What did you expect? They have to earn money, they would never let you win" Liam laughed at his disdain.

"What's the meaning then?"

"Have fun?" Liam suggested with a shrug and a smile.

"Do I look like someone who was having fun being threatened by strange bearded men?" He snorted, stealing again another candy from Liam's package.

"It seemed to me that you were really enjoying yourself when you suggested him a shearing from your trusted groomer."

"I don't even know what a groomer is" Theo laughed as Liam gave him a light push on his shoulder. "Come on, what else is on that booklet?" He nodded at the event brochure that Liam had taken at the entrance.

"There's a magic show at 9pm, and fireworks at midnight"

"And-?"

"That's it, we're in Beacon Hills, Theo, not in Las Vegas." He rolled his eyes. "What do you want to do?"

"No magic show, it will be for sure some other old bearded man who pulls out a rabbit from a cylinder" he snorted. "And it will be full of brats"

"Okay, no magic show. Um oh... do you want to ride the bull ?!”

Theo turned to look at him with a grin. "Are you proposing?"

Liam blushed violently as soon as he understood the allusion, immediately turning away and muttering a "Stop being an idiot" between his teeth.

Theo felt yet another motion of annoyance at the gesture, for the way Liam always avoided any of his attempt to flirt in one way or another. It was becoming exasperating.

He looked annoyed around the area until he eyed one of those photo booths. He grabbed Liam's hand and pulled him without too many words. "Let's go!"

Liam squeaked but let himself be dragged to the thing. He looked at him bewildered. "Do you want to go in there?"

Theo shrugged. "We could have some memorable photos" he said simply, and then pushed him in while Liam protested feebly "We’ll not fit in there!"

"We'll try to get into it" Theo just said with a smirk, while Liam ended up beng pressed against the bottom to make room for Theo. Even so there were barely two inches separating their bodies. "See? We're in" Theo smiled, as Liam felt his face go up in flames, doing everything to avoid his gaze.

"I ... I can't breathe"

"Is that why you’re blushing?" If possible, Liam blushed even more.

"It's - it's hot here" he stammered, trying to keep his hands at his sides so as not to risk touching Theo. His heart threatened to rise up his throat already.

"Yes it is" Theo said in reply.

"Theo" Liam said weakly, swallowing.

"What?"

"Ca ... can we just take this picture?" he muttered embarrassed

TheoTheo sighed in defeat. "Okay okay"

 

They took a few shots and eventually chose the most decent four, and Liam hurried out at lightning speed, looking for air, while Theo stopped to pick up the prints.

"We can say we are cute together" he said cheerfully, admiring the photos. Liam leaned forward to look over his shoulder, his heart still beating fast in his chest.

"Can I have two?" He asked timidly.

Theo looked at him before carefully tearing the strip of photos in half "Here you go" he just said. Liam took them, stopping to look at them as Theo passed him, looking around for more to do while waiting for the fireworks. "Is there anything el-?" He turned to Liam, silencing himself when he noticed that Liam was still behind, in front of the cabin, watching the tiles with such a sweet look that something trembled in Theo's chest. He wondered if Liam was aware of the expression on his face at that moment and what he was doing to him. He was giving him so many mixed signals to make him feel like he was almost going crazy.

"Li-"

"Liam?" Someone else's voice covered his and both Liam and Theo jerked their heads to look at Hayden and Tracy standing a few feet away.

Liam suddenly felt panic rise when he remembered his little lie. Hayden looked at him confused, then turned his gaze to Theo who had quickly came back. "I didn't catch you were coming here with your parents" she said unsure. Theo looked at her not understanding. "Parents? Who do you think I am? I would not come here with my parents, I am not eight years old" he snorted, sounding almost insulted. He looked at Liam, and noticed that his face was red like a tomato again. Hayden looked at him. "You tell me you had an engagement... with your family ... for your mother's birthday?"

"Um ... I ... well, here- I"

 

Theo looked at Liam in bewilderment. _He lied to her?_ _To not go out with her and go out with me?_ Theo's heart skipped a beat.

_You owed me a kiss._

Talking about mixed signals.

_I'm not leaving if I don't know if you're okay._

Theo pursed his lips as Liam ranted to find a plausible excuse.

_You're not alone anymore_ . 

It wasn't fair. They couldn't go on like this forever.

_I don't know where I would be without you._

He needed the truth, for once in his life.

_I need you here with me._

He needed to  _know_ if it was mutual. He needed Liam.

 

Liam winced when Theo grabbed his hand and pulled him away. Theo turned to Hayden, bewildered, while Tracy stayed completely impassive. "Sorry, but I have to steal him from you. We have things to take care of at the moment" he said, giving them just a quick glance before literally pulling Liam away, who could only get carried away, speeding up the pace to keep up with him.

"Theo, wha-"

 

He couldn't wait any longer. He didn't want to be selfish, he never wanted to suffer. And yet he still found himself being hurt all his life for choices made by  _others_ . His mother leaving. His father lying to him. His father remarrying. Liam wanting to protect his mother. Where was he in all this? He deserved his chance to make a choice, didn’t he? And if he would suffered anyway, Theo thought , at least he would suffer for  _his own_ choices.

 

"Theo- Hey! Wha- Wanna stop!?”

 

At Liam's umpteenth protest, Theo stopped, turning abruptly towards him, who started at his apparently troubled expression.

 

"Li" Theo said , his voice without inflection, looking at him straight in the eyes

"What?" Liam asked weakly looking at him with big eyes, as they stood a few steps away, in the middle of a deserted street night, hands still intertwined with each other.

 

"Are you in love with me?"

  


TO BE CONTINUED

  
  
  
  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst, really, above all because I can't really write angst! Hope it didn't come out so much bad!


	15. Ruining everything

" _Are you in love with me?"_

 

Something in Liam's brain died away. He couldn't have heard right. Theo couldn't  _really_ have asked such a thing

"W-what?" He rasped, immediately feeling embarrassed at how his voice sounded ridiculously high-pitched, blowing an astounded laugh. It had to be a joke. But as Theo took a step toward him, letting go of his hand, there was no trace of fun on his face. Actually Liam didn't think he'd ever seen him  _so_ serious.

 

"You heard me right, Li" he said firmly, never taking his eyes off his, while Liam did everything he could to avoid them, his eyes darting everywhere.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about ..." he stammered. God, why was he trembling? His heart was beating panicked  against his rib cage, and he felt his whole body stretched under the weight of the anxiety that flowed inside him clouding his mind.

_This was not supposed to happen. It was assumed that they should never talk about it. Why Theo had to bring it up? Why right now?_

"I-" He stepped back nervous, but Theo quickly grabbed him by a sleeve as if he feared he might escape. "Damn, Li, just answer the fucking question!" He shouted.

Liam gave a start, noticing out of the corner of his eyes a group of boys watching them confused as they passed them by. "Are they bickering?" He heard someone murmur, followed by giggles. He blushed even more, the fear rising to the idea that someone who knew them could see them now. "Theo .." he just said, his voice low and pleading, trying to free himself from Theo's grip on his sleeve.

Theo ignored him "Liam, just-" He pulled him even closer to the point that they were almost touching now. And there something in Liam's mind snapped.  _Why was Theo doing this to him ?!_

"Let me go!" He snapped and tugged his arm  _hard_ . Probably Theo did not expect such a sharp reaction, that's why when Liam pushed him away, stumbled back then ending up falling to the ground.

 

Liam didn't even stop to look, at that moment he just wanted to run away. And that was what he did.

 

"Liam!" Theo tried to call him as he sat up. But by now the other was already gone. Theo cursed, dropping his head on his hands. He expected that it would go bad, but certainly not  _so_ bad. Anyway, he wouldn't chase Liam all over Beacon Hills, surely. Meanwhile he already knew that sooner or later he would have to go back home.

 

*

 

Liam didn't stop to think about it. In fact he was absolutely not thinking of anything, while by instinct he was running away towards home. His mind was blank, only his heavy breathing and the sound of his steps as a company as he ran through the dark and deserted streets.

Only when he was in his room and locked the door behind him, he let reality reach him. He gasped to catch his breath, cold sweat pouring down his forehead as he leaned it against the wood of the door, before turning around, sliding against it until he sat on the floor, hiding his head between his knees against his chest.

 

What had he just done? He had ruined everything. Theo had figured everything out, and had asked him one, simple and straight question, and he had escaped. He had pushed him away, literally this time, and ran away  _again_ . He had left Theo _alone_ in the middle of a dark street, although he knew what a bad time the other boy was facing lately. But he couldn't, he  _couldn’t_ honestly answer that question without compromising everything he -  _they_ \- his mother, Paul ... were hardly and slowly building up. Just one simple  _yes_ would have ruined everything. Is it possible that Theo didn't care?

And at that moment Liam hated Theo a little for getting him off the ropes, he hated the fact that he didn't seem to care about the consequences, and above all ... he hated the fact that he really wanted to say it, that  _yes_ .

 

Liam jumped when Theo banged hard on the door, then tried to open it, in vain.

"Liam, open this damn door, can we talk?" He shouted, and Liam pushed his head even more between his knees as if to silence the desperation that oozed from Theo’s voice.  _Please, please don't do this to me._ Liam thought. He couldn't ask him to choose between him and his mother. Between their happiness and their family’s. It wasn't fair. "Liam ..." Theo called again, more faintly. Liam did not answer, motionless, listening to the frantic beating of his own heart, trying to prevent himself from crying with all the strength of will he had.  _Just please..._

 

Finally it seemed that Theo had listened to his silent plea, because several seconds passed, which became minutes, and you couldn’t hear a single noise in the whole house. Liam sighed trembling. He didn't even have the strength to get up from the ground at that moment. He had really run into the ground, literally.

 

Until then he heard a noise under his window.

 

He looked up suddenly to stare but it took a few seconds too long for him to put things together. Also because, honestly, he never expected  _anyone_ to be able to climb that wall with his bare hands. Or that someone would even think of  _doing it_ , to be honest. But apparently he didn't know well Theo and his stubbornness.

 

So he realized what was happening only when half of Theo's body appeared on the windowsill.

Liam wasn't sure what he really wanted to do, as he turned to open the door again. But Theo was faster - damned lacrosse reflexes - and grabbed him by the arm, turning him and pushing him hard against the door, stopping him by putting his hands on the wall at the sides of his face. Liam just managed to make a surprised sound, before freezing in that position, his eyes fixed on the boy in front of him. His brain went out, ceasing to look for ways out. There probably weren't any more.

Even Theo - as him - was panting. They didn't even know if it was for the effort, the panic, the adrenaline. Maybe a little of everything all together. Theo looked at him pleadingly. "Stop running away, Li, please talk to me!" He exclaimed, sounding almost desperate

Liam trembled against the door. He didn't know what to say. His throat was closed, shut, he seemed to have no more a whisper of voice, nor a bit of strength in his body. He felt the tears threatening to come out at any moment.

Why did he always have to be such a coward? "I-" he choked, but fell silent immediately. Really, his voice didn't want to cooperate.

In that position he could feel Theo's breath on his face, and he could clearly see the green of his eyes, a green that seemed almost gold or gray some days, in a way that never ceased to fascinate him, he could feel the warmth of his body and see every detail of his face, and he couldn't help thinking that he had never seemed as beautiful as he was now. That he had never felt him so close, and so far away at the same time as now.

Theo swallowed, his eyes lowering on his lips, then he spoke, his voice trembling slightly. "If ... if you hate me, if you don't want me, if you don't feel anything ... say it, right here, at this very moment ... because I'm going to kiss you now, and this time I won't stop unless you will ask me straight out"

Liam felt his heart sped up at those words, a shiver of both panic and anticipation that ran through his body as Theo slowly approached. Closer and closer.

Liam took a half shivering breath. Then Theo's lips hesitantly brushed his own, a single light touch.

His brain fell silent. His eyelids fluttered shut. His hands, until now abandoned unused along his hips, instinctively snapped to grab the fabric of Theo's shirt. It could have been done either to push him away or to pull him closer, but not even Liam himself knew what he wanted at that moment. Theo went with the second option, evidently, because he pushed his lips away by just two inches, their gasping breaths mixing for a few beats, before he flung himself forward again, catching Liam's lips in a  _real_ kiss this time. And Liam could just kiss him back. His hands tightened even stronger against the fabric as Theo pushed his whole body against his, pinning him up against the wall.

For a moment it was like being in Heaven. Or at least Liam imagined that like this was Heaven. His mind was empty, light, just enjoying the sensation of Theo's lips kissing him with such sweetness and at the same time with such greed, as no one had ever kissed him in all his short life. Stupidly he found himself thinking that no one would ever kiss him like this ever again. He could feel his body trembling against Theo's, and Theo's trembling against his, in the grip of a tension that they carried around for too many months.

Then suddenly it was like sinking into Hell.

While Theo's hands slowly left the wall, slipping on his hips, Theo's tongue still eagerly searching for his, his fingers caressing the bare skin of his low back, it was as if an electric discharge went through him from side to side, restarting his thoughts.  _What the hell were they doing? This - this was ..._

 

Liam fidgeted beneath him helpless

 

"N-mmh- sto- stop it" he grumbled against Theo's lips. He didn't even sound too convinced. His panic increased. "S-stop,  _Theo_ !" Liam used the grip on his shirt to push him away completely, and Theo staggered back a few steps, a puzzled expression on his face as he looked at him with a questioning look, absently bringing a hand to rub the spot on the chest where Liam had hit him. "Wha-?"

"W-we can't do that!" Liam shouted then upset, panting to catch his breath

The bewilderment in Theo's expression was soon replaced by hurt. Liam swallowed, his eyes sliding over Theo's swollen and red lips, and he realized that  _he had done that._ He thought panicked that he should not be in better condition and his right hand immediately started to cover his lips. "We can't - that’s wrong!" He mumbled.

Theo stepped forward raising his hands "Li-"

" _No!_ We- we can't- this is-" he blasted upset

"I don't even know what to do, Li!" Theo said quickly, trying to sound reassuring "Do you think it's easy for me? But ... let's talk about it, and we can find a way to make things work ..."

"Nothing’s gonna work ... I-" Liam took a half breath trying to calm himself "I can't do this to my mother! W-we should ... just- let's just forget about that,  _please!_ "

 

Theo looked at him shocked for a few moments before he laughed bitterly and looked back at him almost scornfully. "You can't do this, Li! You can't kiss me and then say we can't do it!" He snapped, unable to keep his anger at bay. "Do you realize how fucking unfair it is?! Everything you've done so far is  _fucking_ _unfair_ !"

"Wha-?"

"You have been ... a  _torment_ for me all these years! I kept teasing you trying to hide to myself the fact that I liked you even back then ..." Theo snapped, unable to hold himself back by now.

"What?" Liam stammered, barely audible. Theo ignored him.

"Then you left, you just left like that without a word. And you come back five years later saying you want to be my brother! "Theo continued angrily. "Li, I will  _never be_ able to consider you just a brother!"

"And I can't do that to  _my mother!”_ he cried. He refused to dwell on the other words that Theo had said. It was ... too hard to handle now. And useless. It was useless. It would lead to nothing, they both knew. So why did Theo keep to-?

"You can't always put the good of others in front of yours, Liam! For once ...ask yourself what the hell do  _you_ want ?!"

"I .. I-" he stammered taken aback "I do not know! I-it doesn’t matter what I want!" 

"How can you just say that?! And it’s not true that you do not know! You know it right! But you keep being a coward running away from the situations that scare you!"

Liam started at Theo's furious tone, while every single word was like a stab in the chest. He gritted his teeth and looked angrily at the boy in front of him.

"And you? Do you think you are better than me, Mr. Push-People-Away?"

"At least I'm  _trying_ now!"

"Trying doing  _what_ ? You're just ...  _ruining everything_ !”

 

At those words, Theo's whole body seemed to sag, and every trace of anger disappeared. There was only something that in Liam's eyes resembled pain, and his heart clenched at the idea that he,  _he_ , had made Theo look like this.

"Ruin?  _Ruin_ ? Do you think that's what I'm doing?" Theo asked weakly, looking at him and taking a step back. Liam did not answer, the guilt that gripped him at the words he had just said. He didn't think any of that, but... but ...

Theo gave an exhausted snort, shaking his head with a bitter smile.

Then he looked at him steadily. "I like you Liam, I really like you ..." Liam's heart skipped a beat "-but unlike you I am not ashamed to admit it" There was something so strangely sweet and sad in Theo's expression that Liam literally felt his heart go to pieces and scatter to the ground. "Even at this moment ... I should probably hate you, I  _really_ wish I could hate you, but I can't"

"Theo ..-" Liam choked, a pained expression on his face. He had to fix it ...

"Don't worry, you've already made your point pretty clear, and more than once." he interrupted him, calm, almost icy, taking another step back "I won't be a  _ruiner_ for you ever again" And with this he headed for the door.

"Theo please wa-" Liam called him in a panic.

But Theo went out, slamming the door hard behind him without even looking back.

 

After he heard the front door slam, Liam remained there, motionless, at that spot, for so long that he lost track of time, the tears running down his face now unstoppable. It was over, this time it was really over. He had messed up. If someone had ruined everything, it was just him. He swallowed trying to get rid of the lump in his throat, in vain

 

Theo had told him his feelings, despite the anger, despite his refusal, he had been sincere. What he couldn’t be even for a second. And now it was late.

Liam threw himself on the bed, and cried every tear he had in his body, until he fell asleep again shaken by sobs, the shadow of Theo's lips still burning against his like an indelible tattoo. And probably it was by now.

 

*

 

Theo drove through the dark streets, without any destination, letting the breath, the beat, calm down more and more with every mile. He couldn't stay in that house. Not now that Liam had also turned his back on him.

 

_You're just ruining everything!_

 

Those were the words that had hurt the most. Theo tightened his grip on the steering wheel, trying not to be overwhelmed by emotions. He had always kept everyone away, he had always preferred to be alone rather than letting people in, not to give anyone the chance to hurt him ... and the only time he felt ready to do it, _he was ruining everything?_ Was it really like this? Maybe he just had to accept the fact that he wasn't made for feelings and that's it. They sucked anyway.

But the worst part was that he couldn't really be angry with Liam. He knew what he was getting into, he knew how much Liam cared for his mother and this  _family,_ but he had wanted to risk. He was ready for rejection. He was ready to get over it. What he hated was the fact that Liam had  _let_ him kiss him despite he had given him the chance to make a choice  _first_ . He felt as if he had ... deluded him, giving him hope - for once - and killing it immediately afterwards. It was as if suddenly someone had ripped the ground from under his feet.

 

He shook his head to himself trying to rearrange his thoughts. What should he do now? Go home and pretend not to be in love with the person he had to probably spend most of his life with? Staying in that house and pretending with his dad and Jenna that everything was okay? Pretending that he didn't blame them a little bit for that choice of theirs? Why could they be happy and the two of them not? Why had fate had a strange way of playing with their lives? He had made them meet again, in two of the most decisive moments of their lives, he had brought them closer, he had made them grow and improve each other .. and now it was pushing them away.

 

It wasn't fair at all. But that’s how it was. He had to find a way to live with it. Liam would never have changed his mind, as much as he hoped, that was something that would never have happened. He just had to accept it.

 

Theo winced when he suddenly realized where he was, his eyes sliding over the Welcome to Riverside sign as he passed it. Normally he would never have thought such a stupid thing as 'maybe it was destiny' but lately all that had happened had made him tend to be more superstitious. Maybe he could ... go with the flow, in any case the day had ended badly. Worsening would have been impossible.

 

So he silenced every protest of his mind and turned sharply to the right at the next crossroad. He still remembered the road as if he had traveled only yesterday.

 

*

 

Theo didn't expect anyone to really open the door. After all, it was almost 11pm, and it was Valentine's Day. They could very well have been away from home. He wasn't even sure what he was hoping for, until the door opened, revealing his mother's slim figure in a dressing gown that looked at him with an expression of pure surprise. "Theo, what are you doing here?" She asked, and she didn't look upset or angry at all. If anything ... hopeful.

"I ... sorry ... I didn't know where else to go" he muttered, hovering at the door.

Something in her expression changed, now looking worried, but she didn't ask questions. "Would you like to come in? I was just going to make myself a cup of chamomile” she just said.

Theo nodded tightly, walking in faltering as she stepped aside holding the door cracked open.

"Come on, let's go to the kitchen," she said softly. "Nathan is sleeping and I don't want to wake him up." Theo said nothing, only following her down the corridor.

 

Theo sat motionless and silent as his mother removed the kettle from the stove, pouring the contents into two cups and adding sugar, before grabbing them and reaching for him. She slid a cup towards him before sitting in the place next to his.

Theo looked at it hesitantly before taking it in his hands, staring at the amber liquid inside. He had come this far but honestly he didn't even know why. He had felt the need to escape, to hide for a while, but perhaps at the same time he wanted more answers. But at that moment he really didn't know what to say.

 

She stared at him for a while, then took a sip of hot liquid and finally spoke. "After last week I didn't think you'd ever come, you know?" 

"Neither did I" he said at once. Then he cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"But I was really hoping for that." Theo said nothing. "I talked to your father" she said after a few more seconds.

"Yes, I figured out that it's something you do often" he murmured in reply, unable to hide the resentment in his voice.

She sighed. "I know you're disappointed and angry, and you have all the reasons, Theo ... but ... you shouldn't be mad at your father. He has always done  _everything_ for you." Theo shifted uncomfortably at her words "Is it not that right?"

"Yeah ... yes it is ... " he sighed eventually "but - he pushed you away when you needed the most, how can you not be angry with him?" he asked, stunned.

"It wasn't your father who push me away, but my self-destruction. Now that I see things with a clear mind, I can say with certainty that Paul just saved me. And above all he saved you."

"I don't get it... why wait so long to tell me the truth?" Theo asked with a hint of bitterness. "I spent ... years of hell ... I  _needed_ to hear that I wasn't left... that ... it wasn't my fault ..."

"I'm sorry if we made you feel like that, honey, but ... did you ever tell your father that this was  _how_ you felt?"

 

Theo started. It was not a question he expected. He had never actually done it. Also because ... "It's not that he ever gave me a chance, he was practically never at home!" He protested.

It was true in part, but he couldn't help feeling guilty about saying those words. It was not his father's fault if he had closed in on himself, suffocating his own feelings to keep intact the mask of indifference, behind which he had hidden for so long.

She looked at him thoughtfully, before setting the cup on the table with a clink and getting up, making Theo jump "I'll show you something," she just said, before heading to the living room. Confused, Theo followed her with his gaze to the bookcase, where she bent down, pulling out a big book. Then she came back aside to him, placing it in front of him and sitting down again. "What's this?"

"Open it" she replied, gesturing to him.

Theo looked at her briefly before focusing on the object, slowly opening it. It was not a book, it was a photo album. And next to each other, there were lots of photos decorating each page. Some were no longer glued and now roamed free. Theo gaped at every photo that showed him, flipping through it. From elementary school photos, school plays, baseball tournaments and family outings. There were old photos with his father and others with his mother. There were photos with his grandparents, and some photos with Josh and his family those times when they had all gone camping or fishing together. Then there were more recent photos. Of lacrosse games, more photos with Josh in his room while they were playing video games, pictures with the pick-up when he had just taken his driving license ...

"Why do you have all these photos?" He asked baffled, as he continued to flip through.

"Your father continued to collect them all this time and brought me some each time he came to visit me ... and he told me about what you were doing, about lacrosse and school and your friends ... Every time he speaks of you, his eyes  _shine_ . You must remember that he is very proud of you, Theo, and loves you more than anything. Maybe sometimes he doesn't show it, but ... you should get him, because from what I seem to have understood, you are exactly like him" she concluded with a fond smile

Theo blushed slightly, looking back at the photos. "I wish he had told me some times."

She sighed again, taking another sip. "We should have all said so many things, but you know ... life is strange, and sometimes it becomes difficult to say what we think, or do the right thing"

 

Theo thought, biting his lips. "You know, I'm starting to think that maybe there's no right and wrong at all. Dad pushed you away, but he did it to protect me, and to prevent you from doing anything wrong. And you walked away from us, and it was horrible at first, but maybe it was also for the best. Everyone had his reasons, and did what he had to do, sometimes doing wrong, sometimes doing right, but ... I guess after all it's nobody's fault." Theo shrugged, then looked back at the last album page, and winced.

He reached out to take one of the photos, still not glued and raised it before his eyes. He portrayed him and Liam sitting on the couch on the evening of Christmas dinner. He remembered Jenna calling them and telling them to turn around to take a picture. Theo grinned in the shot with his left arm around Liam's shoulders and his right hand raised, probably to indicate to Liam Jenna, while Liam looked at him angrily, for something he had certainly told him and now he could no longer remember. Something in his stomach twisted painfully at the sight. It would have been easier if everything had remained like that. It was what Liam wanted, what he kept doing.

But  _it was a lie_ . And Theo had stopped hiding behind lies built to let life go smoothly. He would have liked to know the truth about his mother and father from the beginning, if he had known, maybe everything would have been different now. And now in the same way he would not have continued to hide for other months, or perhaps years, behind the illusion that for Liam he could be only a good brother. It would  only make him -  _them_ \- suffer even more.

"Now that we've talked about this-" His mother interrupted his train of thoughts "Would you like to tell me what brought you here  _really_ ? I know it's not about your father, since he left hours ago with Jenna for Mexico."

Theo winced, instinctively tightening his grip on the photo he still held and swallowed, looking up at her. He really felt the need to say it out loud. As if doing so could help him throwing it out, moving on.

He swallowed again "I messed up" he just said, feeling the panic rising again to the idea of what had happened just an hour before.

She looked at him with her eyebrows furrowed in a worried expression. "What happened?"

Theo bit his lip looking for the right words "I ended up having...  _feelings_ ... for the only person I shouldn't have" he quietly admitted, and was surprised not to feel any embarrassment at admit it.

"How could it be negative to love someone, honey?" She asked skeptically, with a half smile.

Theo sighed, before slowly sliding the photo towards her on the table. She looked at it without catching her, before raising her eyes wide open on him. "Oh  _honey_ "

"I kissed him, and he rejected me. He told me we can't do this to Dad and Jenna. And ... he's right.  _I know_ he's right. just..- it's so unfair! I don't know what to do, Mom, I just know I can't go home now" he sighed again, bringing a hand through his hair.

"Everything will be fine, honey." She stood up, stopping behind him and squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. "Know that if you want,  _whenever_ you want, the doors of this house will always be open for you. And you will find me here. Even if you just feel the need to insult me, it will be okay anyway"

Theo gave an amused snort, then looked at her. "Thank you, I think ... I'll accept the offer for tonight. I was already thinking of sleeping in the pick-up and the idea wasn't very tempting."

"Never let you sleep in the car. Unfortunately, you will have to settle for the sofa."

"Well, that should do it."

 

*

 

The following morning Theo woke up in pain to the sound of muffled voices and shaken dishes. Then someone cleared their throat.

"I would ask you who you are, but you know ... I heard so much about you that I would swear to know you almost like you were my brother" A female voice observed, making his eyes open wide. In the brief instant that followed, he remembered where he was and what had happened the night before and sat up, finding himself face to face with a girl with long dark hair sitting on the table in front of the sofa.

Theo looked at her crookedly "Who the fuck are you?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Rude, is it why you just woke up or are you always like that?" she asked, amused.

"He’s always like that" A higher voice answered from behind him. And Theo turned to see Nathan entering the living room carrying a bowl of milk and cereal.

"Guys, don't harass our guest" his mother said, entering the kitchen with a plate of donuts. "You, come down from that table"  then admonished the girl, who rolled her eyes and stood up. Then throwing herself next to Theo who looked at her still confused. "Anyway, I'm Tara," she said, glancing at him. "And you are Theo, or  I hope so, because otherwise it would mean that mom has questionable hobbies"

" _Tara_ !" She snapped as Tara laughed.

"What did she mean, Mom?" Nathan asked with his mouth full of cereal.

"It meant that your sister wants to be grounded until she is twenty" she said slightly.

He looked at her, bewildered, then sighed in exasperation, giving a shrug. "Ah, I always said that she was stupid."

Tara threw him a sofa cushion that hit him right in the head "Mum!" He protested.

"Oh my god" she moaned, before she pulled herself together. "Okay Tara, take your brother to baseball practice, please?"

Tara groaned. "Can’t Dad do it?!"

"He had to go to the clinic this morning, so no arguments" she said firmly.

Tara snorted. "It was nice to meet you, Theo," she said with a smirk, winking, then stood up, heading towards the stairs, passing behind Nathan and ruffling his hair. "Hurry up, dwarf"

Nathan groaned and looked at Theo "Do you understand me now?" Then he stood up and followed her without waiting for an answer.

Theo slowly returned to look at his mother a little taken aback. "Excuse them, they don't know how to behave with the guests." She rolled her eyes and Theo gave a half smile before getting up. "Do you want a donut?" She asked. "Help yourself, I'll get you some coffee."

 

When she returned. Theo had eagerly devoured his breakfast and waited for her to pour him a cup before asking. "Their .. their father .." Because it sounded strange to say ‘your husband’ "... is he a doctor?"

"Yeah ... he ..." She sat back "He was my doctor, you know ... in the clinic ... we met like this ... and ... " She stopped uneasily "The other night you said you came here once ... and ... you saw us. I guess you thought I was cheating on your father." Theo didn't answer but looked away. "I want you to know that I loved your father and I would never have done anything like that. All that happened, it happened when between us it was over, I swear to you, honey"

Theo nodded slowly "Yes .. yes .. now I know"

"What are you going to do now? Will you get back home?”  
 

"Yes .. well.. I have to" Theo shrugged.

"Okay, but ... remember what I told you yesterday, okay?" She reached out a hand on his and squeezed it.

"Yeah .. yeah .. I will remember it"

 

*

 

When Liam woke up that morning, he was literally a wreck. Coming out of the room slowly, he looked towards Theo's door, still wide open as it was yesterday. Apparently he hadn't come home at all. He swallowed, wondering what had happened to him. He wished he had the courage to text him and at least come to know if he was okay. But he didn't have it.

So he went into the bathroom and locked himself inside. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, wincing at his pale face, where his eyes were still red and swollen with tears shed the night before. He looked away, turning to open the shower, and undressing quickly, throwing himself under the jet of water without even waiting for it to warm up.

 

His head was bursting, while pieces of the night before came back to his mind, the guilt that mounted inside him, making his stomach twist painfully. He leaned his forehead against the cold tiles of the shower, taking a breath as the water flowed over him.

What should he do now? With what face, with what words should he have to face Theo when he returned home? How could they fix this?

 

Liam lifted his head upward, inhaling and exhaling again. He could somehow steel feel it, the pressure of Theo's lips on his, the memory of his hands on his bare skin. It was enough to make his head spin again. And he could still see it, the hurt expression on his face when he pushed him away. The sweet and tired expression when he said  _'I like you, I really like you'._ His heart quickened to the memory alone.

 

He hadn't even said it back. He hadn't been able to answer,  _yes, I like you too, but we can't do it._ He had just pushed him away after kissing him. Theo had to hate him now.  _I should hate you, I really wish I could hate you, but I can't._ Liam's heart jumped again.

He had never felt so wrong with himself as he was now.

 

Suddenly he heard someone coming up the stairs and steps in the corridor. Liam froze, his heart pounding in his chest, anxiously waiting. But Theo didn't call him, he didn't look for him. He heard his footsteps going into his room and the door closing.

 

He did not know what to do. He just knew that his heart was terribly hurting.

 

*

 

If in any way, Liam had hoped things would improve as the days went by, he had to change his mind. Because the situation just got worse. They barely talked when they were in front of Jenna and Paul, just enough to keep them from being worried or prompting them to ask questions about it, because they couldn't give them an answer as to why things were so suddenly tense between them. But when they were alone, it was as if the other was not there. If they crossed each other in the corridors they pretended not to see each other. Liam went out even before Theo went down to the kitchen, and took the bus. When Theo didn't have practice, and went home, he spent the afternoon at Scott's or Mason's. Theo stopped having lunch with them, in fact he completely stopped coming to the cafeteria, and once Liam heard Alec ask Nolan why the boy was eating alone at the lacrosse field. But as good as they were at not letting their parents find out, their friends were something else. And Mason was the first to ask questions.

"What happened with Theo?" He asked one day as he drove him home.

"What? Why- should have happened something?” He asked on his defensive.

"Please Liam, you were practically inseparable until two weeks ago and now you don't even look at each other! What did he do? If he has again- "

"None of this, it is- we just fought, but- it will settle down, sooner or later" Liam hastened to say, feeling a tightening in his chest.

 

He avoided Theo because he didn't know what to say to him, how to behave. So his solution as usual was simply to run away. But this did not mean that he did not miss him, or that he did not suffer for how things had ended. Just thinking about how happy they had been until just before all that mess was like a stab. And they could have been even happier if Liam had answered that damn question honestly. But he couldn't do it. Liam could just keep repeating himself that he was doing the right thing.  _Better if I’m the one suffering, rather than mum, she has already gone through too much._ He repeated himself.

But it became more and more difficult to believe it, every day more.

 

*

 

Theo knew he couldn't pretend that everything was okay. How could he go back to laughing, joking and talking to Liam as if nothing had happened between them? He knew he had to maintain a facade with Jenna and his dad, but otherwise, it was as if they were two strangers. Liam avoided him, and he did the same. Perhaps over time it would have been useful to forget. How do you say? Out of sight out of mind. But he was probably failing, because despite everything, when he closed his eyes, the first thing he saw was Liam's smile when he laughed at his stupid jokes. And he was the first thing he thought of when he opened his eyes in the morning. And the few times they were close, the only thing he could think of was the feeling of Liam’s lips on his, of his body pressed against his. And it hurt. Theo didn't expect that he could even hurt so much.

 

He had to find a solution.

 

*

 

The solution came to Theo one day in March, just before the spring break. It was something he had been thinking about for a while, but which he had just now begun to really consider. He knew it could be a rushed thing, and that he was driven mainly by the need to distance himself from Liam, but he felt he had to do it. So now he just had to talk to his father about it.

 

That Saturday when he returned home after being with his mother, he looked around. He could hear the stereo on in Liam's room, but ignored it as he walked to the studio. He knocked softly and then entered without waiting for an answer. His father looked up from his documents, taking off his glasses and putting them on the pile of papers. "Hey" he greeted him slowly.

"Hey, can we ... talk, Dad?" He asked hesitantly.

The man looked at him with a sigh. "I know what you want to tell me, she called me right now."

Theo's heart jumped in anxiety. "I know what you're going to say, but- dad, I feel it's something I have to do, I - it won't be forever!"

"I think you should do it" he said instead, and Theo looked at him as if he had grown two heads.

"Se-seriously?"

"Yes .. yes" he sighed. "Theo, we didn't ... really talk about this, you and I ... I know you're angry and I don't blame you if you ha-"

"Wait, dad" Theo stopped him taking a step forward. "My decision has nothing to do with you, I ... I’m not angry at you. And I surely don't hate you. I could never do it. You raised me alone, and I know that sometimes I am unbearable, but I like to think that you did a great job.”

Paul snorted a laugh. "Yeah.. I think I did it"

Theo moved on his feet, searching for words. "Actually, I'm the one who should apologize. For having avoided you recently, and above all ... for making you think I was the kind of person you couldn't talk to, Dad.” Paul looked at him in surprise. Theo took a breath, blushing "I know I don't tell you that often, but ... I love you" Paul looked at him even more baffled before bursting into a smile. "I love you too,  _duckling_ "

"Oh god" Theo groaned. "I withdraw everything, I hate you. And I hated that nickname even when I was six, did I ever tell you?"

"Several times, repeatedly, followed by insults, yes"

"Well, you should appreciate my recent new-found maturity because as you can see I'm not insulting you now" he jokes. Paul laughed, rising from the swivel chair and reaching Theo, placing his hands on his shoulders.

"Returning to what we were saying, I ... I am with you, I know it is the best thing, and I know you deserve it, so I will not oppose"

Theo smiled faintly "Thanks Dad"

"I can hug you or your moment of sweetness is already finished?” he then asked with a smirk.

"It lasts a few more seconds, so hurry up" he just said reflecting his own smile.

"Uh you are such an idiot" Paul said fondly pulling him into a paternal embrace. Theo laughed against his shoulder hugging him back. When they separated, Paul looked at him with a smile. "Well maybe now you want-"

"Yes ... I'm going, I'll let you work. See you later dad"

"Later son"

 

Theo left the study with a half smile still on his face, starting to climb the stairs. It had gone better than he expected. Now he just had to ...

 

He heard footsteps suddenly stopping and he looked up to see Liam coming down the stairs at that moment. He saw him hold his breath before he forced himself to walk again, looking down. Theo sighed, looking around as he gathered his courage. "Wait, Liam" he called without turning around. He felt Liam stop a few steps down. They turned together looking at each other anxiously.

"What is it?" Liam asked faintly.

"Can we talk?" Liam's heart skipped a beat as he looked around to make sure no one was around. But Jenna was at work and Paul was locked in his study at work. " _Please_ " Theo added with a slight tone of supplication. Liam looked at him with a half breath before he nodded weakly.

 

Theo went down a step towards Liam who started. Theo stopped. "I just wanted to tell you that ... I'll stop it." Liam looked at him confused for a moment "I know I can't force you. And I know how you feel about your mother, and ... how much you care about all this ... and I ..." Theo sighed in exhaustion, running a hand through his hair, before looking at Liam gently and taking another step forward. This time, Liam did nothing. He just kept looking at him waiting. "This family that you care so much about ... I don't want to ruin it" he sighed at last. Liam's heart swayed in his chest, while a subtle hope, that everything could come back how it was, was groping his way. But then Theo lowered his gaze, shaking his head slightly "But  _I can't_ be part of it"

And Liam's heart sank, he almost swore he could hear it fall to the ground and shatter into a thousand pieces. " _What?_ " He breathed in shock, the pulse that sped up, looking at him, while Theo now did everything he could to avoid his gaze.

 

"I can't be close to you knowing what I feel" Theo said faintly. "And I realize that it also makes you uncomfortable, and sooner or later they will realize it too"

"I - I don't get it, what do you mean?" Liam insisted, the panic rising in his voice, trembling, as if he were point of crying.

Theo still didn't look at him. He just shrugged his shoulders, a small sad smile on his face. "I followed your advice. I decided to give my mother another chance. And so I-" Theo finally crossed his eyes, and saw the precise moment when something broke in Liam as soon as he spoke "I will move in with her"

 

TO BE CONTINUED

  
 

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I already said that I'm sorry for the angst?


	16. No right to cry

Theo was leaving.

 

Those words bounced for a while in Liam's head before sinking completely. He looked at him stunned for a moment, his heart pumping violently, before he could find his voice again. "You ... will you move in ...  _with her?_ " He repeated slowly, almost not understanding, words like ashes on his tongue. Theo didn't answer, just bowed his head. Liam stared at him almost looking destroyed, biting his lips before asking again. "And are you doing it because of me or because of her?"

"I’m doing it because of myself!" Theo said quickly, and he probably realized that he had sounded a little harsh because he sighed, giving a shrug and softening his tone, continuing impassively "I have to give her the benefit of the doubt, right? Those are your words. And so at least we will no longer have to pretend with anyone that everything is fine. Will I make it easier for you to ignore me, aren't you happy?"

Liam looked at him sharply, spreading his arms "Do you think that's what I wanted ?! I hated every single moment of these two weeks!" He snapped, trying not to raise his voice too much so that Paul didn't hear him.

Theo crossed his arms letting go a sarcastic laugh "Oh it didn't seem like you hated it when you turned the other way as soon as you saw me or when you left the house before I even got up so as not to risk meeting me"

"What would you have wanted me to do?” Liam exclaimed eagerly, desperation in his voice. "I-"

"Nothing. I don't want you to do anything, Li.” Theo looked at him, narrowing his eyes, before turning to go back to his room. "In any case, I will leave, soon I will no longer be your problem, do not worry"

"You’re n-" Liam started to go up a step, but was distracted by the sound of the study door opening. Paul peered out at him.

"Oh Liam luckily you're here, wouldn't you bring me a coffee? This work is killin’ me-" Paul looked at him curiously. "What were you doing?"

"Ah" Liam spun around to where Theo was, but where nobody was now. He looked back at Paul, forcing a smile. "Nothing - nothing, I ... - I'll make you that coffee right away"

"Thank you, son" Paul smiled at him and disappeared back into his study.

Liam sighed in distress as he took one last look at the top of the stairs before resuming his descent.

 

_You are not a problem._ It was what he wanted to say to Theo, who until now, in fact, had always been, at every moment, his  _solution_ , to any problem or difficulty he had faced.

Theo had become his fixed point, his anchor, his lifesaver ... and now that he was moving away, Liam felt lost. Somehow, the idea of not having Theo next to him was something that hadn't really sunk in him until then.

 

_Theo is leaving._

 

And it was also his fault. Even if Theo would never have admitted it. But it was  _above_ _all_ his fault.

 

*

 

Theo spent most of the spring break moving his things from his room to his mother's house. He could have done it in a few days, he was aware of it, but somehow he preferred to stall, taking things calmly. So for the first week he alternated between staying at home and staying at hers, and inside himself he repeated that he did it just to make the change gradual for his father, but he eventually knew that even for him that was a big step .

And he was partly ashamed to admit it, but deep down he hoped Liam would stop him at some point and ask him not to go. A vain hope probably, because on the Sunday when he piled the last things on his truck, while Jenna and Paul stood in the driveway hugging him and greeting him with a thousand recommendations, Liam simply watched them - dejected - from his window.

 

"Please be careful and text me when you arrive" Paul said squeezing him. "And call for anything"

Theo laughed against his shoulder "I'm going five kilometers from here, not to the other side of the world, Dad"

"They're too many anyway" Paul muttered , parting from him.

Jenna gave him a smile, then hugging him in turn. "I don't believe you are really leaving" she said with a sad grimace. "Who will now be my little helper in kitchen?"

"I think you'll have to teach Liam to cook, finally" he joked.

"Never happen"

"Just remember to hide the carpets when he’s around and that’s it" he snorted, daring to look up at Liam's window. Liam quickly backed away behind the curtain. While Jenna laughed giving him a pat, Theo bit his lip. "Say him I said hi" he said hesitantly.

"I can go call him if you wa-"

"No need, we-" he hastened to say, "we’ll see in school tomorrow anyway, it would be stupid to say goodbye, right?" He tried to play down, stifling all the disappointment and sadness.

"Well better I go now ..." he hesitated, stepping back.

"Make sure-" Paul began.

"Yeah, I call you as soon as I get there, and before I go to sleep, and when I wake up" Theo snorted fondly.

"Good boy" Theo laughed turning to his truck and opening the door. He instinctively threw another quick glance at Liam's window, but strove to look away as he climbed into the car and finally set in motion.

 

_It's time to move on, Theo._

  


Liam stood watching Theo say goodbye to Paul and his mother, his stomach tangled and an unpleasant feeling that came into him. He was about to go out and join them at least five times, but in the end when Theo got into the car and left, he just sighed, throwing himself onto the bed. He turned his head to the right, his gaze shifting from the stuffed plush on his bedside table and that Theo had given him weeks ago, to the photo cards he had stuck to the edge of a frame and portrayed him and Theo smiling. A stab of pain crossed him.

 

Would he ever get over it? As he listened to the silence of an empty house, and tears threatened to come out again, Liam just answered himself.  _No, he won’t get over it._

  


*

 

Things didn't go better for Liam in the following days. At night he could not sleep soundly, so in the morning he continued to sleep over the alarm, or to miss the bus punctually, arriving at school constantly late. He would ask his mother to let him try to get his license, if he didn't clearly have her expression in mind of that time when he'd ended up in her flowerbed while he was trying to back up the driveway. His first and last attempt to drive.

 

Things were no better for him at school. He barely spoke to Theo, and now even Hayden avoided him after that lie. But he was aware that he could not complain to anyone except himself. He was sinking slowly and inexorably into the metaphorical pit he had dug himself. Liam knew perfectly well that if he was in that situation it was only because of his perennial uncertainty and hesitation. He hadn't been able to be honest and straightforward, neither with Theo nor with Hayden. He kept lying to Mason when he asked him what was wrong, he kept pretending that everything was okay with Jenna and Paul. But at that point Liam felt like he had ended up so much in deep that he no longer even knew how to  _try_ to get out of it.

 

So he could just keep repeating himself day after day that he was doing the right thing and that no, he didn't miss Theo at all. He didn't miss talking to him, exchanging stupid textes, or fighting over TV for dinner. He did not miss that amused but somehow fond smile with which he looked at him every time he said or did something stupid. He didn't miss the way Theo looked at him almost as if he were reading him inside. He didn't miss the feeling of Theo's soft lips on his, which he sometimes felt like he could still feel it. No, he did not miss Theo at all.

 

But the more the days passed, the harder was to ignore the tightness in his chest he felt every time he happened to meet Theo's eyes, and Theo looked away, or when they exchanged nothing more than a poor greeting. It was hard to ignore the way he felt at night when he found himself at home alone and turned to comment out of habit something he had seen or read, just meeting a deafening silence.

 

Somehow he had the feeling that Theo had been taken away from him. At home, at school ... everywhere. But then he remembered that this had been his choice. He could not expect that everything would remain as before between the two of them, not after having rejected in that way the feelings that Theo had shown him so openly.

 

_I deserve it. I have no right to cry now._

  


*

 

Theo missed Liam. But he had decided to keep his promise and stay at the distance Liam kept him. He would no longer force his feelings on him, not only in respect of Liam's decision, but also in respect for himself. That constant yearning was becoming too painful. And the refusal was still an open wound, to the point that it was preferable to remain on the sidelines, as if to love him in silence, because at least in the silence there could have been no refusal. Or another false and vain hope that Liam could change his mind. Theo had gotten to the point that he could no longer endure either.

 

And then at the time he had other problems to think about.

 

Just a week later, Theo found himself tremendously uncomfortable with being in a house that was not his own, and with people who were mainly  _strangers_ . Everyone had welcomed him with open arms, it is true, and no one made him miss anything, but for example he felt something deeply wrong with Mr. Morgan - or Adam, as he had asked him a thousand times to call him, and as he could not do - that in the morning handed him the money for buying his lunch. It was a stupid, and trivial action, but that Theo could not accept. He couldn't even ask his father for money, he knew that Paul wouldn't deny them, but it was a matter of principle. He had wanted to distance himself. Carve out his own space. Take this step. So now he had to take responsibility for it. That’s it.

 

And then when his mother dropped the  _bomb_ , his need to find a job quickly did nothing but increase.

 

"Boston?" He asked in astonishment as he looked at his mother sitting in front of him.

"Yeah, Adam got tenure at Harvard University for the next semester."

"But Boston is literally on the other side of the country ..." Theo blinked.

"It's something that Adam has always wanted. He’s been waiting for this possibility for years. And it would be a great opportunity for Tara too, you know, she would like to study medicine ... " she replied, turning her coffee cup over in her hands

"I would never have said that" Theo mumbled. "So ..." he looked at her a little disconcerted, tapping his finger on the table "Will you ... move out?"

"Theo" His mother leaned over the table. "I want you to know that the offer is also valid for you. You can come with us, if you want it"

Theo didn't answer. He stared back at her seriously taken aback. It wasn't something he expected at all. "I ... I-I don't know. It's something ...  _big_ " he said, his eyes wide open.

"I don't know if you've ever thought about college, but you'll still have to leave sooner or later. There is not much possibility in a small city like ours. It’s just about shortening the time" she answered hesitantly.

 

Actually Theo had never lose so many thoughts about college. Or at least not seriously. It was still something far away, to be dealt with in a couple of years if everything would have gone well, not in the immediate future. He and Josh had already planned a road trip for the summer after graduation. And sometimes he thought about taking a gap year, working and earning money to be able to pay for his studies alone.

"When should you leave?"

"In June, as soon as Tara and Nathan finish school"

"And Dad's wedding?" He suddenly asked in alarm. It was certainly not the biggest problem of the matter, but it was the only thing he could ask.

"We'll only be on a seven-hour flight away, it won't be a problem to come back here that day." She smiled at him encouragingly. "Just promise me that you will think about it ... it- it would be a great opportunity for you, honey"

"I - I don't know" Theo bit his lip nervously "I - I'll think about it, I promise you" 

What stressed out Theo the most was the fact that from that day on he had seriously started to  _think about it._ To think about what it would be like to finally leave that town full of bad memories, start over and leave everything behind.

  


So he found himself on a Sunday in late March standing in front of a bar downtown, a woman in her forties, her hair in a bun, peering closely at him from the other side of the counter.

"Have you ever worked in a bar?" She asked without too many words.

"Honestly? Never. But I'm someone who learns quickly" he assured quietly.

She looked at him before looking around with a half sigh. "Actually we could really use some male help... unloading the goods, moving the tables ..."

Theo would have been satisfied just to sweep the floor, if it had been to earn some money. He did not have time to let her know, though, that the woman was joined by a young girl, long blond hair, not much older than him, who abruptly put down a bowl full of ice cubes on the sink before throwing an inquiring look to Theo. "Honestly, I wouldn't put someone like him in the back, boss. His face should be in the front line, he could really make you earn a lot of customers, if you know what I mean... " she said, giving him a mischievous smile and peering him from head to foot.

Theo would recognize that kind of look everywhere.  _Things are getting interesting_

"Well ..." Theo replied with a smile with a shrug. "You can put my face wherever you want"

The girl, whose label said Amber, giggled "So? The floor is yours boss"

The woman shook her head in amusement. "Okay, for now you're on trial. Amber will show you what you have to do"

"As you command!" She said with a smile, as the woman disappeared in the back and she returned to look at Theo. "And just so you know ..." she said, leaning over the counter "... the rest of your body isn't bad either ...?" She left the sentence pending and Theo laughed, reaching out his hean "Theo"

"Well,  _Theo_ , I'm Amber" she replied with an even bigger smile. "Come on, I'll show you around."

Theo smirked as he followed her. He was used to the effect he was having on people, especially on girls. Well at least, if the work went wrong, he could have earned something else. He definitely could use some distraction.

 

*

  


That Friday when Liam entered the cafeteria he immediately looked at Mason sitting alone a few steps from the entrance. He joined him quickly, sitting in front of him, with an exhausted sigh. Mason looked at him curiously.

"Where the hell were you? You weren't at Spanish."

"I woke up late  _again_ " he mumbled, dejectedly, throwing his backpack on the next chair.

"Again? Dude, it's the third time this week.” Mason raised his eyebrows in amusement in his direction.

"It wasn't my fault yesterday" Liam huffed, opening his bag and pulling out his lunch, rolling his eyes. "That damn bus keeps going ahead of time and I  _keep_ losing it!"

"No bus ever goes ahead of time" Mason said with a laugh. "You know, you should just take the damn license, man"

"Yes, tell my mum" Liam rolled his eyes again sadly this time "The last time I tried to drive her car in the driveway ... I ended up in her flowerbed. She wasn't very happy."

"That's why driving schools are a thing." Mason chuckled in exasperation.

"Where's Corey?" Liam decided to ignore it. Mason nodded his head to his left "He's at the table with the team, apparently this year it will be up to them to organize the spring prom"

Liam looked at him wide-eyed. "The spring prom? And when is it?” He had completely forgotten.

"Next month. Right after the school trip, remember? Which, however, will be unforgettable. Do you know who our carer will be?  _Coach_ !" Mason looked at him as someone who had just won the lottery

"I can't wait" Liam murmured unconvinced, glancing at the team table, moving his eyes from Corey to Nolan and finally settling on Theo who was laughing quietly together with two of his mates. Liam swallowed as Theo turned his gaze to him making eye contact. This time, Liam didn't look away, still staring at him tightly, until it was Theo himself who turned away, laughing again as if nothing had happened with everyone else. "I guess you're still fighting ..." Mason said suddenly, catching his attention. Liam looked back at him, seeing that he too had followed his gaze. He didn't answer, moving uneasily and just unwrapping his sandwich. Mason continued to stare at him. "You will tell me what happened? To the point he’s not giving you a ride to school anymore ...?” He asked, sincerely confused.

 

Liam continued to avoid his gaze by focusing on food. "I - No - that is, we ... he - he no longer lives with us" he sighed at last. As if it was hard for him to admit it.

Mason blinked in his direction "What _?_ "

"His mother reappeared, it was a bit sudden, and he-he is making an attempt with her" Liam summed up without letting out too many details.

Mason looked at him bewildered. "Since when?" He just asked then.

Liam shrugged. "He lives with her for about ten days"

Mason gasped baffled stretching on the table and giving him a slap on the arm "Damn, youI never say anything, man !!"

"What was I supposed to say?" Liam protested laughing trying to get away from his hands

"I'm not kidding! I'm your best friend, am I not? And you didn't tell me anything about Scott or Theo ... I still don't even know  _why_ you argued... and don't talk about Hayden!"

"Hayden what?" Liam asked, embarrassed.

"Dude, please! Do you think I haven't noticed that you've been avoiding her like the plague for almost a  _month_ ? And honestly she's not doing better... what the hell happened?"

Liam blushed "Nothing - it's just that - things got a bit complicated" Liam sputtered.

"You know, I don't ask because I want to get involved, but just because if I don't know anything, I can't help you" Mason said a little sadly, shrugging his shoulders. "I wish I could have been next to you with Scott, and I wish I could advise on Hayden, and I'd like to know if I should finally kick Theo or not-"

Liam grudgingly laughed. "There will be no need-" _I am the one you should kick._

"Did he do something? Won't it be again for what happened in elementary school?" Mason insisted "Because you know, if so, I have to tell you that you were right. After seeing how he has behaved with you over the past few months, I have  _to_ admit _reluctantly_ that he’s not so bad. Actually I think I finally had the proof that what I thought five years ago was right" he concluded smugly.

Liam looked at him, raising his eyebrows. "And would it be?"

Mason shrugged his shoulders quietly "That Theo just had a crush on you"

" _What?_ " He tried to say alarmed but the result was only a strangled cough as he choked on a bite

"And you know, I think he still has it, actually" Mason continued without flinching.

Liam grabbed the bottle of water and removed the cork and took a big gulp. "Mase- what do you say?" He blew, feeling blushing and looking around frantically. "Man - no - that's not it!" He hastened to say in a low voice.

Mason chuckled. "Why are you so upset? There would be nothing wrong with that, right?"

Liam looked at him hesitantly."He's my stepbrother" he reminded him, frowning.

Mason waved his hand. "Theoretically yes. But you don't have blood ties, you are not really relatives"

"Well - this is not - well-" Liam blushed even more and Mason giggled "Calm down, it was just to say, it wasn't like I was saying you must marry him. Although ...  _mmh_ , you would really be a hell of a couple ..-"

" _Mase_ !"

"Okay okay, I'll stop it" Mason shook his head, the laughter fading from his face as he stared at Liam, staring embarrassed at his sandwich almost as if he wanted to be able to hide inside of it. "What I meant ..." he then resumed seriously. "It's that you can talk to me, about  _anything_ , okay?"

Liam looked up at him hesitantly. Mason was staring at him with a strange determined expression, and he could just nod his head, off guard "O-Okay?"

When his cell phone rang, he hastened to grab it as a way out of the conversation. He groaned when he read the text his mother had sent him.

"What?" Mason asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Mum  picked up Theo's last things from the laundry today and asked me to bring them to him."

"I thought you said everything was alright between the two of you" Mason said mischievously.

"Yes .. that is, yes, but- man, how does she think I should get to Riverside? By feet?" He huffed. 

Mason shrugged. "Well I can give you a ride, no problem"

"Really? And what about Corey?"

"Corey has practice today anyway."

"Even Theo then"

Mason seemed taken aback. "Oh well then can we play a few video games at your place, and go to Theo’s as soon as he finishes practice?" He suggested hopefully.

"Oh .." Liam glanced quickly at the team table, where Theo was busy writing on his cell phone, and then returned with a sigh to Mason "O-okay, let's do this"

 

*

 

"Hey man!" Theo was quickly retrieving his things from the locker, when Josh joined him giving him a pat on the shoulder. "Do you have any plans for later? What do you say we go for a ride? Or we can have a game at my place? It's been a while since I've kicked your ass in video games."

Theo looked at him, looking almost sorry.  _Almost_ . Because if someone would kick someone's ass in video games here, that was him to Josh and not the other way around. But it was a while since they spent an afternoon together, and strange to say, he missed Josh too, but ... "Sorry, dude, but I'm busy today"

"Uh?" Then Josh looked at his watch just to go back looking confused at Theo. "Hey. Shouldn't you be at practice now?"

"Not today" Theo smirked "I have a date."

Josh looked at him deadpan. "A date" he repeated slowly. "You mean you’re meeting with someone to fuck ..." he deduced, raising his eyebrows in his direction.

"Something like that" Theo shrugged carelessly.

"God, it was about time, I was beginning to worry that the real Theo Raeken had been kidnapped and you were just some kind of replicant" Josh blew out beating him dramatically on the shoulder. "And come on, shot it, who is it?"

"Some girl who works with me"

"Woh, do you seriously want to do it with your colleague? It may cause you problems, doesn't it?"

Theo adjusted the bag on his shoulder "Don't worry, 'no strings attached', she told me that too, so ... no problem"

"Can you introduce me to her?" Josh immediately asked raising an eyebrow in his direction, as they stepped out the front door. Theo burst out laughing, pushing him away. Josh laughed in turn. "Well I'll see you tomorrow morning, eh! Good fuck, Raeken” he screamed behind him, grinning.

Theo continued to laugh giving him the middle without even looking at him.

 

*

 

What Theo wanted was just a distraction, a way out of his messy thoughts, and yes, maybe he even needed to fuck. It was since December - since he realized he had feelings for Liam - that he hadn’t slept with anyone. He didn't even want to waste time  _wooing_ \- as Josh said he need to learn to do. He needed it, and he needed it now. Fortunately he and Amber seemed to be on the same page. Theo would have stopped to ask her if maybe she also needed to forget some asshole that had hurt her, but she gave him no way. Amber was already kissing him before he even had time to close the front door behind them. Responding to the kiss with the same eagerness, Theo reached out a hand randomly behind him to close the door. Even before he heard it slamming, Theo felt Amber's hands slipping under his shirt, pulling it over his head. He groaned against her lips, pushing her against the wall. He couldn't be outdone, right?

Theo slipped his hands on her thighs, lifting her off the ground and she automatically encircled his waist with her legs, while he kept kissing her lips and neck, the pressure of his body against hers like the only thing that kept her standing. He quickly undid the buttons of the dress she was wearing, quickly removing it and throwing it somewhere. Amber moaned on his lips, moving away, her hands around his neck and looking at him with a half smile. "Are we alone?" She wanted to know.

"Yes"

"Upstairs?"

"Upstairs"

 

They continued to kiss, stumbling on the stairs and down the corridor, and in an instant they were in Theo's room. Actually in Nathan's room, where Theo was sleeping at the time, and Theo couldn't help but be grateful that they were all out that weekend, because it would have been difficult to explain otherwise.

 

Amber pushed him - without too much grace - onto the bed (Nathan’s) and then straddled him, starting to kiss him hungrily again. While his back hit the mattress, Theo tried to let go at the moment, to literally close the rest of the world out of the room, as he set out to do. Placing his hands on her hips, he pulled Amber closer, as she moved her lips to kiss and lick his neck. Theo tilted his head back to leave her space and his eyes lingered on the desk in a corner.

For a moment he thought to see him there.  _Liam_ . Like that time with Tracy. His blue eyes staring straight at him.

_Don't think about him._ He thought with anger, while with a quick and impatient gesture he reversed their positions, pressing her against the mattress with another kiss. He remembered how easy it had been with Tracy to pretend Liam was the one with him, but now, while he was kissing Amber, he couldn't make comparisons. Not just because now he knew how Liam's lips tasted , the way he kissed, the feeling of his body under his hands ... but because ... well ... because he couldn't, Liam was Liam. And nobody seemed to be able to compete.

_Don't think about him, Theo. Don't think about him. There’s a beautiful girl here just for you, don't you dare ...-_

Then his treacherous mind introduced him to the image of Liam who did exactly what he was doing with someone else, and suddenly all he felt was sickness. Sickness and disgust. He stiffened and Amber must have caught his hesitation because she pulled back to look at him. "Everything okay?" She gasped, her lips swollen and his lipstick smudged.

Theo was also panting, then sighed in distress. "I ... I'm sorry, I can't ... I can't do that-" Without another word he rolled over to the side, lying down beside her.

Amber was speechless for a moment, blinking at the ceiling "Wow" then she whispered after a few seconds " _This_ had never happened to me" she said almost struck.

Theo let a nervous laugh out "I guess guys don't tell you no often"

"Uhm usually not, but from experience if a guy does, it means that ... there is already a girl?" she tilted her head looking at him hesitantly.

"No, no girl"

"Then a boy?" She urged him with a smirk.

Theo didn't answer, but she probably read his silence, because she sighed and sat up "So? What did he do? Did he dump you?"

"No" Theo bit his lip "He's my step brother"

She widened her eyes "Well that had to suck" Theo looked at her, still expecting her to punch him or something "I guess it's one-sided then?" She asked instead.

"Something like that" Theo replied sadly. "I .. I'm sorry for-"

"Don't worry, as I said 'no strings attached, but it seems obvious to me that you're  _attached_ to someone. And I don't like having sex with someone who, while does it, is thinking of someone else” she replied with a shrug.

"So now what?" Theo asked hesitantly. That was definitely a new situation for him.

"I'm starving" she replied eagerly.

Theo laughed. "Well I'm going to see what’s on the house then" he replied, standing up and taking the opportunity to walk away. He needed to reorganize his thoughts. He had gotten to the point where he couldn't even look at someone else without seeing Liam, how the hell could he fix such a thing ?!

"Ah Theo-" Theo turned in the doorway to look at Amber sitting cross-legged on the bed, a quiet expression on her face. "He would be lucky to have you"

Theo smiled sadly in response. "I'm not sure of it anymore" he just said before turning around.

 

*

 

Liam hesitated in the driveway for almost five minutes before making a decision. He took one last look at Mason's car parked a few hundred yards up and took a breath. He passed by Theo's truck, which was the only one in the driveway, and the bag hanging on his shoulder wasn't the only thing he felt weighing on himself. What would Theo have said? Did he know he would come? Perhaps he would ask him to stay for a while? His heart throbbed quickly, nervously. He swallowed and then rang the bell before other doubts caught him. Seconds later he heard footsteps behind the door. As it opened, Liam looked up. What he saw in front of him, however, was not something he expected...  
  
*  
  
  
 

"So - should I assume your intention is to let me starve?" Amber's voice came as she slowly entered the kitchen a few minutes later.

Theo closed the fridge stepping back only with a bottle of juice. "Sorry, I have nothing in the fridge. Just ... " He opened a drawer and pulled out a packet of chips and threw it on the table. "Chips"

"Luckily I was foresighted and I just ordered two pizzas then" she replied, grabbing the glass Theo handed her. "You pay, of course"

"Oh yeah?" Theo gave her an amused look, opening the packet of chips.

"You're leaving me with blue balls, man,  _you have to_ offer me a pizza" she laughed.

"Does it work like this?" Theo raised an amused eyebrow before narrowing his eyes at her "And why do you have my sweatshirt on?"

"Going around with a boy's clothes is one of the main reasons why girls have sex, you can't take that away to me too. And ... " She made a face "I might not know where my clothes are."

Theo laughed, then fingered around the pockets to find his cellphone. He took it out, noting that he had received a message from ... Jenna?

"So ... when will your parents be back?" Amber distracted him. "Am I really going to make a bad impression? Because in that case I'd like to know"

"Don't worry, they’ll be out late." Theo only knew that Nathan had an away game, and that his mother and Tara would go with him.

"Good to know" she replied cheerfully, reaching out for another chip. She jumped when the doorbell rang, leaping to her feet immediately after "Oh this must be our pizzas" And she jumped to the door.

"Are you going to open the door like this?" Theo shouted after her, giggling incredulously as he unlocked the phone to read Jenna's text. He blinked at the words for a few seconds.

 

_Liam will pass by later to bring you a bag with your last things._

 

His eyes opened wide, blood freezing in his veins. He threw the phone on the table without even stopping to answer back and followed Amber. _Shit._

*

 

Liam blinked at the girl standing in front of him. She looked at him with a pout "Oh you're not the pizza man"

 

"Err .. no?" He replied hesitantly, his eyes slipping on her smudged lipstick and bare legs ... Wai- that was not Theo’s sweatshirt? He swallowed, his heart beating even harder than before, as he tightened his grip on the shoulder strap of his shoulder bag. "And you .. are you ..?" Liam said hesitantly

"Amber!"

The question "are you Tara?" died in Liam’s throat as soon as Theo appeared out of nowhere, with nothing on him but his jeans low down on his waist. His breath caught in his throat, almost as if someone had punched him in the stomach, his mouth half open as his eyes moved frantically between the two of them. Then she turned to Theo. "I think it's for you" she said, amused.

"Yes .. um .." Theo stammered embarrassed, his eyes wandering around the driveway before settling on Liam, completely red in the face, mortification oozing from him. Did Liam have to come across at such a time? "Hey...?"  _Hey?! Theo, really?!_

 

Liam wanted the ground to open and swallow him there at the time. How much did his life have to hate him to make him be right there at such a time ?! Because the situation did not leave much room for imagination. Theo was home alone with a girl, without a shirt, she got his sweatshirt on. Had he interrupted them just as-? Or had they already done it? And  _God_ , he couldn't think about it. The thought only was way too painful. "I ...-" he whispered weakly, continuing to keep his head down. "I'm sorry ..." Damn, why was his voice trembling? He was a hypocrite. He had pushed Theo away from him, but he couldn't help wanting him for himself.

_You're a damn hypocrite, Liam. Don’t make embarrassing scenes in front of him, you don't have the right._ _Get back together_ !

"I ... Mom asked me to bring this to you" he continued in a weak voice, daring to give them a brief look as he handed the bag to Theo, who was just standing there tensed under Amber's inquisitive gaze. He grabbed hesitant the shoulder strap of the bag, an even more troubled expression on his face and never stopping to look at Liam.

"Okay ... thanks .." Theo said back, feeling his heart beating wildly. He knew what it must have looked like to Liam, actually that was how it had to be if he didn't want to stop. But he didn't know how to explain himself, actualy he didn't even know  _if he_ had to explain himself. They were perfectly free to do what they wanted. However, the expression of pure pain on Liam's face was enough to cause a pang in his chest. Who knows if Liam knew it, how much his face in moments like these said more than his words. "I ... I'll fo now" Liam stammered. And he turned around without saying anything else. He felt his face burning, a chasm in the center of his chest that seemed to be able to swallow him at any moment. He worked hard to keep from crying.  _You have no right to cry, Liam. This was your choice._

 

And Theo said nothing, just watched him go, walk briskly along the driveway, then disappeared behind the hedge.

"I suppose he's the  _stepbrother_ " Amber remarked, crossing her arms as Theo still stared at the spot where Liam had disappeared. He didn't answer and she looked at him sideways. "It doesn't seem so one-sided to me"

"It's a bit more complicated than that" Theo sighed

"Now he'll go away and he'll never know you couldn't even have sex with someone else because you couldn't not think of him, are you okay with that? Maybe you should go talk to him"

The expression on Theo's face hardened slightly. "I've already talked enough. If he has something to say, now it's his turn"

 

*

 

Liam knew that what he was feeling was literally written on his face, from his pale and shocked expression to the way he blinked in an almost vain attempt to stop the tears from falling. He jumped into the passenger seat of Mason's car. slammed the door behind him and slumped against the seat.

"Already done? So you wanna go get something to ea- What the hell did you do?” Mason winced as he spoke, mirroring his shocked expression.

"Let's just go away from here, Mase, please" he muttered, shaking his head.

Mason looked back wide-eyed at the point where he knew Theo's house was and then returned to Liam. "Dude, you're upset. Can you tell me what happened? What did he do-?” He protested weakly.

Something in Liam broke. A single tear slid down his right cheek.

"He didn't do anything, it's-it's-it's all  _my_ fault. I ... I ... " he stammered trembling. He met Mason's eyes, despair and pleading in his voice as if Mason could give him some way out. "I don't know what to do anymore ..." His voice cracked as Mason's expression turned into a grimace. "I like him, Mase, I really like him..." he choked out

"Oh man..." he sighed, then pulled him into an embrace, gently stroking his shoulder in consolation. Liam pressed his face against his shoulder, breathing and forcing himself to stay calm. "I knew something was happening ... I wanted you to tell me about it, but I didn't think you were at this point ..."

"I'm sorry ..." Liam mumbled as Mason pulled back, giving him a kind smile "You don't have to apologize Li." He looked at him for a moment. "I guess that's why you're ... fighting?" He wasn't sure if that was the right word by now.

Liam shifted uncomfortably. He wouldn't want to talk to anyone about it, but he'd come to a point where if he didn't, he'd explode. And then he knew he could trust Mason. So he nodded weakly. "I told him that ... we couldn't do it, for-for..."

"Yes, I know, for your parents" Mason completed

"He said he couldn't stay close to me so he just left. And ... Hayden too ... I didn't tell you what happened ... because... " Liam sighed, letting go of all the things he had kept for himself these days. "I lied to her. When she asked me out on Valentine's Day, I lied to her. But I was with Theo and she saw us"

"Oh Li...!"

"I messed up ... everything. And I don't know how to fix it"

"There is only one way out Li. You have to be honest about what you’re feeling, with everyone.”

Liam's expression crumpled into a pained grimace. "How can I be honest if the truth ends up hurting people I care about?"

Mason smiled sadly. "The people you care about are hurting even now, Li. And you most of all."

Liam didn't answer, he just clenched his lips, bowing his head thoughtfully. "I can't tell you what to do, man, but know that whatever you choose, I will always be by your side, okay?"

Liam opened up to a watery smile. "Thank you, Mase. I ... You're the best friend in the world, you know?"

Mason laughed finally turning on the car and sitting back in front of the steering wheel. "I know, you’re too. A little dense but always the best" he joked trying to cheer him up

Liam laughed slightly and Mason looked at him affectionately "Everything will be alright, Li, it will settle down, I promise"

Liam sighed, wiping his eyes and turning to look out the window while Mason finally left, leaving that place behind. "I really hope so"

  
  
 

_TO BE CONTINUED_

  
  
 

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is some kind of a mess, I’ve been struggling with it for days. I don’t even know how it come out. Anyway, I kinda hate writing angst, so I promise we’re getting there, I just need to make Liam suffer a little more. It’s his turn now, isn’t it?


	17. Do you hate me now, don't you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I’ve been barely at home this month. To make it up to you, here is a very loong chapter! Practically it’s like two chapters together (:

"Okay ... easy now ..." Paul's voice spoke, sounding somewhat tense. It had to have something to do with the fact that _that_ was his car. Car that at that very moment rumbled before hopping forward and going out completely ... _again._

Liam swore between his teeth, banging his head on the steering wheel. Mason, sitting in the back seats, looked at him almost amazed. "God, dude, you really suck at it"

Liam groaned, because really, did he need to remind him of it?, while Paul laughed tapping him on the shoulder fatherly. "Don't worry, you'll learn, it's a matter of practice. Do you want to make another attempt?"

Liam looked up at him pleadingly. "I need a break, please, and that cat is still glaring at me" he said dryly, and nodded toward the house opposite.

Mason raised his eyebrows deadpan "Maybe because you almost ran over it"

"It should just rejoice for the 'almost'." he snorted, opening the door and going down.

"Yeah, unfortunately the neighbors' mailbox wasn't so lucky" Paul commented doing the same

"I guess I won't be driving with you anytime soon" Mason said cheerfully.

"Good, ‘causeI wouldn't even get in a car with me" Liam rolled his eyes. He was beginning to understand why his mother had wanted to keep him away from cars so far. Those things were complicated.

"Don't be so negative" Paul admonished him gently. "You know, even Theo wasn't very good at first" he recalled wistfully. Something in Liam's face tensed at the mention of Theo's name, and he looked down at the ground. "One day he went straight into a ditch without even trying hitting the brake." He smiled, shaking his head. Mason wondered what was to smile about. When he had drawn up a road sign, his father had not been so impressed. "Well I guess I'll go back in and get some rest, call me if you want to do another ride, Li" he said then giving him another paternal pat on the shoulder.

Liam had no intention of going back in a car for a very _long_ time. "Yes of course" He smiled "Thanks Paul"

"You’re welcome, son" he replied as he climbed the porch steps and disappeared into the house.

Liam sighed, stopping in front of them and sitting on it. Mason soon joined him, looking at him a little worried. They remained silent for a few minutes, the only sound was the cicadas chirping on the trees and the occasional cars that crossed the road on that sunny Sunday afternoon.

  
 

"Have you even talked to him?" then Mason suddenly asked.

Liam didn't need to ask who he was talking about. He knew it very well. "You mean after I happened to be there just while he was fucking some random girl?" Liam couldn't quite help that snatchy tone. Then he sighed wearily "No I didn't talk to him"

"You know I hate to tell you that, but ... you can't really be mad at him for-"

"Yes I know, and this is the worst thing" Liam gave him a painful and pleading look. "Can we change the subject? I don't really want to talk-"

"Instead you should, and you should talk to him. Like-"

"Really? Because every time we try it seems to me that it always ends badly" Liam snorted skeptically.

"Like-" Mason repeated slowly. "In a different situation. Speaking or being alone, just the two of you is still difficult or embarrassing? Well maybe you should try it as a group. It could take the edge off, don't you think?"

"What's on your mind?" Liam looked at him with narrowed eyes.

Mason gave him a scowl sneer. "I know you said you didn't want to do anything fo-"

"Mason!" Liam groaned.

"Dude, come on, it's your _birthday_ , seventeen years are not fulfilled every day, we have to celebrate, and so you can invite Theo, it's the perfect chance to talk"

"Probably he won't even come" Liam muttered sadly.

Mason laughed skeptically, before speaking with a final tone "He would never tell you no for your birthday"

But Liam wasn't so sure about that.

*

Liam knew that Mason was absolutely right. Especially because he was becoming pathetic even to himself, his basking in self-pity. If he wanted things to settle down, he had to start working on it. And yet April 17th, the day of his seventeenth birthday, was getting closer and closer, and Liam had not even managed to find the courage to approach Theo.

Whenever the idea touched him, he did nothing but see again the image of Theo and that girl, standing in the doorway; he could not help thinking of the almost detached and distracted tone with which Theo had spoken to him that day; the way he had let him go, without a word; how he had not in the least reached him out the following days.

He felt a constant lump in his throat at the thought that Theo could be mad at him to the point that he no longer even wanted to talk to him or stand close to him.

Consequently the idea of inviting him to his birthday was an almost frightening prospect, because in a single word Theo could have given him the answer to that question that had eaten him up for weeks.

_Do you hate me now?_

  
 

As he was stepping out, kind of lost in thought, the boys' bathroom at lunchtime, Liam lifted his head from the ground and found himself facing Hayden, among all the people, who came out at that very moment from the Biology classroom. Liam froze, just taken aback, and Hayden did the same. But she just looked at him for half a second before turning and walking in the opposite direction.

Okay, that was way too much even for someone like Liam. He could stand a person who avoided him, but two definitely _not_. The voice slipped out of his lips before he could even realize it, automatically taking two steps in the direction the girl had moved away.

"Hayden, wait-" he called hesitantly.

Hayden stopped again, still her back at him. After a few seconds the tension on her shoulders seemed to slip away as they sagged and she turned to look at him unsure. "What's up?" she asked, wearily

Liam swallowed the growing panic and embarrassment that made its way over his face, coloring his cheeks of a bright red, tightening his grip on the shoulder strap of his shoulder bag. "I ... just wanted to tell you … that I'm sorry" he admitted with a distressed sigh. "I'm sorry if I lied to you ... if I ran away like that ... and if I avoided you ... I ..." Liam blushed even more as he spoke, realizing the mess he had made. He closed his eyes, taking a breath, before opening them again "I'm just sorry. For everything"

Hayden stared at him for a while before sighing in turn and giving him a tight-lipped smile "Well, better late than never right?" she said then. "I was wondering if you were going to give me an explanation sooner or later"

Liam swallowed, looking down at the floor "I-"

"Liam, if you didn't want to go out with me, you'd just have to tell me. I would have hated it, but I would have understood... lie to me that way ... just to find out that instead .." She stopped and bit her lip undecided. "I mean ... _you and Theo?_ " She snorted a half laugh. "It still feels like some kind of joke."

Something changed in Liam's expression, which became somewhat sharper, because Hayden froze, shifting on her feet. "Sorry, I didn't mean- it’s just ... unexpected?" Hayden offered uneasily. "But I understand why you didn't want anyone to know, it must be ... a strange situation?"

Probably ''strange'' was the understatement of the century. Liam bit his lip. "Yeah ... let's say yes ..." Then he looked at her embarrassed. "How do you-?"

"How did I get it?" she asked "Well when I saw you I realized why Tracy didn't want to tell me why she broke up with Theo. And the fact that she wasn't very surprised to see you two together was another good indication" she tried to joke. Liam stirred on his feet. "So ... you two ... What, are you together now? ... secretly?"

Liam then opened his eyes wide, looking at her and almost catching fire. "Uh .. what? No- we- it's not-" He sighed "We're not together." His expression fell into a sad grimace, and he looked down at the ground "We barely talk. I think at this point he hates me." He gave a half-choked sound "You hate me. Tracy probably hates me too! I really messed everything up. And I'm sorry ... so _so_ much .."

"Liam, I don't hate you" Hayden shook his head with a faint smile. "And I can't speak for Tracy but I'm sure she’s neither mad at you. You can't control the feelings, right?"

Liam pursed his lips, giving her a quick glance "I really wish you could, everything would be so much easier"

"But it would also be quite boring right?" she tried with another smile. Liam reluctantly imitated his smile.

"Yeah, probably" He looked around a bit uncomfortably, the hallway was by now deserted, everyone was definitely already in the cafeteria for lunch. "Look, I ... this weekend is my birthday" Liam rolled his eyes "and Mason insisted we should all celebrate together. I get it if you don't want to come, but ..."

"I'll come, you stupid"

"Really?"

"Really"

"Great, you could ... also bring Tracy along, if she wants..."

"Seriously? Each occasion for Tracy is good to celebrate, she will surely come" Hayden smiled heartening.

Liam appreciated her attempts to put him at ease and let him know that everything was okay, but in any case his smile stayed forced and uncertain. He couldn't stop feeling like a fucking mess. He couldn't help but think back to that moment. Hayden calling them, her astonished expression, Theo dragging him away, that damn question, and then that kiss, and the expression of pure hurt on Theo's face when he pushed him away, and every single time that Theo had avoided him since then. His expression had to reflect his emotions because Hayden laid a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"I don't know..."

Hayden sighed before approaching and putting her arms around his shoulders, Liam let himself be hugged, laying down only a few seconds later his hands on her back. "I don't think it's the thing you're tormenting yourself over now, but ... we're okay, alright?" Hayden mumbled against his shoulder. "And whatever you need, know I'm there. We're friends, aren’t we?"

Liam just nodded, clutching at her shoulder. And he couldn't help thinking that he didn't deserve all that affection. At all.

*

The bell was still ringing while everyone swarmed quickly out of the classroom, pointing to the cafeteria. Theo and Josh went shoulder to shoulder, talking.

"So ... you’ve striked out" Josh observed quietly with a grin on his face.

Theo rolled his eyes. "I just didn't feel it, you idiot. Stop repeating it like it was funny"

"It kind of is" Josh shrugged with a laugh "Too bad, one less name on your list"

"Are you still keeping the list?" Theo snorted.

"Of course" Josh exclaimed almost shocked "We still have a challenge going on, you and me."

"Good luck" Theo teased him as he turned left into the corridor.

"Where are you going?" Josh blinked, taken aback, but following him.

"Bath," Theo just said. "You know, you don't have to follow me" he pointed out, raising an eyebrow in his direction.

Josh kept walking beside him, now suddenly more silent. Theo shot him a look. Josh's silence was rarely a good sign.

"Hey, look..." he began hesitantly, a few seconds later "... Your flop..."

Theo rolled his eyes in exasperation "Stop saying that"

Josh laughed, repeating, "Your flop..." Then he gave him an oddly serious look "Does it have something to do with Tracy?"

Theo looked at him taken aback "What? No! Why do you ask?"

Josh gave him an undecided look "Here, I want to ask Tracy out to prom. How angry would you get with me if I did?"

"Why the hell should I get angry?" Theo asked confused.

"Well you know, you and her ..."

"Josh, if you had to avoid asking out every single person I slept with during these years, you'd die sad and lonely" Theo remarked quietly.

Josh seemed to think about it. "Well you have a point" Then he looked at him. "So I can ...?"

"You can" Theo rolled his eyes.

"Great. Because I've already asked her!"

He had to imagine it. "And what did she say?" he asked looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

Josh made an obvious face "Obviously she said no. But! I'll make her change her mind!"

"You will do that for sure" Theo laughed, turning the last corner.

They stopped in their tracks when they found ahead themselves a few steps away, Liam and Hayden, standing in front of the bathroom door. _Entwined_. Theo felt that by now familiar feeling, as if someone was crushing with appalling force every single organ inside him.

"Shit" Josh moaned in a low voice. "Hayden was my reserve if-" Theo gave him a hit in the chest shushing him and turned to go back before Liam and Hayden noticed them.

"Ouch, what was that for? And where are you going now? Didn't you need the bathroom?" Josh exclaimed, running after him.

"The needing’s passed" Theo replied dryly.

Josh shrugged, baffled "I don't even know how this is possible, but okay"

*

"So- he was hugging his ex?"

The next day Theo had the night shift at the bar, and right now he was hunched under the counter trying to figure out why the sink had suddenly decided to leak while Amber sat on the counter, nibbling the aperitif chips and making small talk, and in somehow he found himself telling her everything without even realizing it.

It was easy to talk to her. Somehow Theo had come to the conclusion that Amber was literally Liam’s antithesis. She was bold, honest, direct and forthright. He had never seen her blush or falter, neither in front of their boss's reproaches, nor in front of occasional customers way too _friendly_. She always said what she thought, period. Sometimes even when it was better to stay quiet, sometimes even in a rude way, and when Theo had pointed it out to her once, she had just shrugged and said, "If someone isn't okay with me, the door is there"

  
 

"She's not his ex" Theo replied dryly. "It's his ..." he hesitated "former crush"

"Former crush? Is this a thing now?" she giggled

"It is now"

"You're really a pain in the ass when you're jealous" Amber chuckled.

"Guys, stop talking. Amber, go get everything from the back porch, it's starting to rain heavily"

"Why can't Theo do it?" she moaned

"Are you able to fix the sink in Theo’s place?" she teased her.

Theo wanted to say that neither he could fix the sink, but given the alternative, he let Amber disappear in the back with a last eager groan. "I'm in the kitchen if you need me, Theo" the woman said before turning on her heels.

When he got up from behind the counter, five minutes later, it was really pouring down, the drops of water slamming strongly against the huge windows in a way that would have given him the chills if he hadn't loved the rain. He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was still an hour before the end of the shift, but they probably would have closed before if that torrential rain had continued. He was already hoping for it, as he bent down to clean up the mess he had made on the floor, when the bell hung on the door rattled, signaling someone has come in. 

He turned around, wondering who the hell was going around with that heavy rain, and he stopped, finding himself bewildered and definitely taken aback, in front of a Liam completely wet from head to toe, hair glued to his face and shirt clinging to his body, shivering and motionless there on the door.

But for some reason, he couldn't help thinking that maybe he loved the rain a little more now.

*

At the end has come the day before his birthday, and Liam hadn't spoken to Theo. _Yet._

"Liam, come on, you only had one job, _only one_!" Mason whispered almost outraged.

Liam blushed under his judgmental gaze, moving uncomfortably and looking down at his sandwich. "I'm sorry-"

"It's not about being sorry or not here, it's about what you _want_. Do want Theo to come to your birthday party?" Mason asked firmly. "Or maybe you don't care enough?"

Liam snapped up with a frown "Yes, I do care!"

"Okay, do you want to save your relationship, or at least your friendship?"

"Y-yeah"

"Well then fuck, do something. Stop crying and apologize, and start with the facts!"

Liam stared at Mason for a while, his undecided look meeting his friend's steadfast and determined one, an eyebrow raised in expectation.

He clenched his fists before sighing. "Okay, you're right, I'll do it."

Mason broke into a relieved smile. "This is my boy, do you need a ride at his home?"

"No, no need. Theo has a turn at the bar later, I'll pass by there."

Mason looked at him in amazement "How do you know he has a turn at the bar if you barely talk?" Liam blushed avoiding his gaze. Mason's eyes narrowed with a widening grin. "Do you stalk him on social media?"

"Maybe" Liam replied quickly.

"You make me prouder of you day by day" Mason sighed dramatically, with a moved smile.

Liam could just laugh back

*

He knew where Theo worked and knew that it would take no more than 20 minutes from school to reach it by foot. What he hadn't foreseen was the downpour that fell on him just ten minutes later. And so he found himself wet like a chick and shivering from the cold on the door of a bar fortunately deserted with a Theo who unfortunately looked at him as if an alien had just walked through the door.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, blinking in confusion.

"I ... went for a ride?" he threw out embarrassed.

"I see" Theo raised an eyebrow, before lowering his eyes to the drops of water that fell on the floor. "You know, I'll be the one that has to clean up that mess."

Liam shifted on the spot, looking down at the pool at his feet. He blushed "I'm sorry"

"I was joking" Theo sighed, rolling his eyes. "Do you want to stand there on the door?"

"No" Liam answered immediately, just to realize that he wasn't actually moving. So he approached the counter under Theo's watchful eye. "Did you _walk_ here from school?"

"Y-yes ..." Liam muttered. When Theo raised an eyebrow, almost stunned, he added. "It's not that far, I didn't expect it to rain though" he stammered guarded.

"Obviously" Theo snorted. He rolled his eyes at the umpteenth shiver that shook the other boy's body. "Wait here"

Liam watched Theo disappear into the back and come back a minute later with a pile of clothes in his hand. He handed them to him from behind the counter. "Get changed, or you'll catch a cold" he said softly.

Liam looked at them for a moment "And you?"

"I have others, I keep these here only for emergencies" Theo shrugged, while Liam finally grabbed them. "Why did you come here? I guess it's not just for a coffee"

"No, actually ..." Liam shifted uncomfortably, glancing briefly in his direction. _Just do it, Liam!_ A voice strangely similar to Mason's spoke in his head. "I ... wanted to ..." he stammered, before taking a breath. "Areyoufreetomorrow?" then he blew out quickly.

Theo seemed taken aback. "What?"

Liam blushed, taking another deep breath. "I wanted to know if you were free tomorrow" he repeated slowly. Theo kept looking at him with wide eyes. "It's my birthday" That seemed to get Theo's attention. "So me, Mason and the others thought about spending the night together."

"Others?"

"Ye-Yes .. Mason, Corey, Scott, Nolan, Alec, Hayden ..." Theo's lips tightened at the mention of her, but Liam didn't seem to notice. "Josh will also come" he added hopefully, as if he were counting on that card in some way. "And I ... it would be nice if you came too, yes ... well-" he concluded, blushing again and lowering his gaze.

Theo studied him for a moment before shifting his gaze and starting again to pass the towel on the counter. "I ... I can't" he said with a sigh.

Liam could literally feel something shattering in his chest at those words. His expression went limp, a burning and painful feeling that made its way into his stomach. "I get it" he murmured weakly. He had to expect it. It was true then, Theo really hated him. He hated him and couldn't even blame him. There was nothing he could do ...

Theo seemed to read something on his face because he hurried to speak. "It's not like you think, I ..." He looked around allusively "I have to work tomorrow night"

Liam could feel his heart beating painfully against his rib cage. He tightened his grip on the clothes he still held "Yeah ... right ..." he stammered. "I'm sorry ... I should have known ..." Maybe if he had talked to him before, Theo could have been free? He tried to force his expression into a less compromising one, but the muscles of his face didn't seem to want to cooperate. _Are you kidding?_ _You're not his priority anymore, Liam, what did you expect?_ "I think I'll go now." he said all of sudden

He started to turn around, under Theo's suddenly alarmed look. "Hey wait" he called. Liam turned to look at him faltering. "You shouldn't go around with this rain! If... you don't mind waiting, I'll be done in less than an hour. I'll give you a ride home," Theo tried weakly, though his mind screamed at him that it wasn't a good idea for Liam to stay there, that it was not a good idea to be alone, that it was not a good idea to talk. As if he feared that this would be enough to cancel the efforts made in those two months to put distance between them and go over him.

"Are you sure?" Liam asked softly. 

Theo nodded, before sighing "Yes, yes ... you should go and change though, you're soaking wet, then you can wait for me sitting here"

"Okay"

"The bathroom is over there"

"Okay" Liam repeated mechanically, before turning around and going, with curved shoulders and a low head, towards the bathroom pointed by Theo.

Theo went back to clean the counter, a troubled expression on his face. Probably the mere fact that he thought it would take so little to cancel his efforts meant that those efforts had been completely vain.

*

  
 

*

Liam took off his soaked clothes and pushed them into his school bag without thinking too much, and then slipped into Theo's clean clothes, the familiar smell of the soap used by his mother invaded his nostrils, making him wince. Probably  Theo had not yet worn those clothes after the move, he had simply pushed them into his locker in case he needed them. Liam eagerly inhaled the smell, trembling at the sensation.

He felt a pang of pain. They smelled of Theo. They smelled of _home_. He hadn't even noticed how much he missed, how much he _craved_ that lost everyday life. Lost, probably for good.

*

When he returned to the main room, Liam slipped on a bench near the window, trying not to pay too much attention to Theo, who was busy cleaning every accessible surface of the counter, and how his muscles flexed under his short-sleeved shirt , or the way his hair slid over his forehead, or the way his clothes were warm and soft against his own skin, the smell that intoxicated his mind.

_I miss you so much._

"What the _hell!"_ An irritated girl's voice snapped from the back. Theo turned in her direction as the girl in question appeared, snorting and taking off angrily the wet hair from her forehead.

Theo looked at her with a grin. "Is it raining maybe?"

"I didn't know you were so perceptive, T," she said in reply, a similar grin spreading across her face before her gaze slid briefly over Liam.

When they made eye contact, Liam winced and looked away. _That was ...?_ Liam dared to cast another glance in their direction, he could see them talking and laughing at something he couldn't hear, and he felt his heart clenched again. _She was the girl from that time! The one who was at Theo's house!_ So it wasn't just a "random girl". They knew each other well, and were talking and joking as if they were lifelong friends. He felt his face shifting on a dark frown and lowered his eyes to his hands clasped on the table so as not to be seen.

Amber glanced at Liam "Well at least I'm not the only one wet here" she joked. "I'll bring coffee to our one and only customer of the day."

Theo stirred in alarm, stopping her by the arm. "Don't be rude"

She looked at him confused. "What? Are you crazy?" And she turned around.

Theo blinked before realizing that the idiot had not recognized him.

_Well that's better._

" _Theo, there are supplies to put on the shelves!"_ the chief's voice shouted from the back. Theo rolled his eyes, glancing quickly at Liam and Amber before reaching her.

"Hey, beauty, do you want some coffee?" Amber greeted him cheerfully, placing a cup in front of him and filling it without waiting for an answer. Liam looked at her, raising his eyebrows. _Are she kidding me?_ "Here you go" she continued just as brightly.

"Um, thanks?"

She looked at him, and Liam could feel her studying him carefully, then she narrowed her eyes.

"We know each other?" she then asked, looking at him doubtfully.

Liam looked at her, the eyebrow arching even more "Er ... we saw each other at Theo’s ...? Last week?" he suggested, unable to hide the hostility altogether.

Something in her face seemed to clear. She sucked her lower lip as she continued to look at him. "Ahh, _the step brother,_ " then she smirked. "Liam, right?"

"Yes..."

"By the way, sorry, you know ... for the way I opened you the door the other time" she added then, with a mischievous smirk that made Liam think she was anything but sorry. Something in her reminded him so much of Theo, and that made his chest tighten even more. Obviously Theo liked someone like that. What on earth could he find in someone like him? Probably Theo was finally realizing it, he was going over. He was the one who kept remained stuck, feeling more and more pathetic day after day.

"It doesn't matter" Liam just said, looking down and blushing again at the memory, his hands wrapping around the cup uncomfortably.

Amber studied him carefully. Of course, he was cute, and she could see why Theo had a crush on him, but he was definitely not her type. Actually, she never could stand the indecisive people, those who can't say what they think, or can’t do what they want for fear of others' judgment. She truly hated them. But they were the most fun to tease.

A smirk spread across her face as she looked at him. "May I tell you something?" she said, leaning slightly towards him and lowering her voice as she wanted to share a secret. Liam looked at her baffled. She winked at him. "You really don't know what you're missing" she just said, and with another little grin she walked away, leaving Liam to look at her with open wide eyes and his heart beating like crazy, the allusion echoing in his ears.

_She knows._

Theo, the same Theo who always kept everything to himself, the same Theo that he had taken _months_ to make him opening up, had told everything to a girl he knew ... by how long? A bunch of weeks?

And the way she had said that, thrown there like a joke, though she knew how much it would probably hurt him... 

She didn't know him except through Theo's words, she had no reason to be mean to him, unless Theo himself had spoken ill about him, unless she was just reflecting Theo's anger. If they were close to the point that Theo was telling her about his problems, she would obviously have taken his side, wouldn't she?

Liam couldn't even think about how much that ‘close’ could be, let alone think about the fact that yes, probably Theo really hated him by now.

*

Liam didn't say a word for most of the drive, just stared out the window at the pouring rain, while Theo drove almost at a walking pace due to the reduced visibility at that time of night. He could feel the other boy's eyes on him from time to time. Probably Theo was as uncomfortable as he was. _Well, from bad to worse._

When Theo finally spoke clearing his throat, Liam almost jumped. "So ... how are things at home?"

"Good. They're good" Liam just said, only giving him a quick glance before looking back out the window.

"Good" Theo imitated, tapping the wheel and sucking his lips.

Liam, still facing the window, cursed internally, closing his eyes and pursing his lips. "You know, your dad... is trying to teach me how to drive" he tried weakly, moving his gaze to his hands on his lap.

A shadow of a smile appeared on Theo's face. "Really? And how's it going?"

"Not well, I almost killed the neighbor's cat last week"

Theo looked at him with wide eyes. "Blackie Chan?"

Liam looked at him for a moment with a frown. "If I had known it was called that, I would have killed him" he murmured.

Theo laughed weakly. "I called him that"

"It's stupid"

"I was eight!"

"You were stupid"

Theo glanced at him, his eyes lingering on him, a weaker smile still on his face "I was"

Liam's heart skipped a beat under his gaze and he stared at his hands again, clearing his throat. "And how.. how does it go with your mother instead?" he then asked.

Theo shrugged and turned back to the street. "It’s fine, all in all. They’re not bad, but it's hard to fit in."

"I guess that's why you had the sudden desire to find a job?"

"Yes, also for this ... and-" Theo hesitated, glancing at him with an undecided look. "They're moving to Boston"

Liam turned fast to look at him with wide eyes "B-Boston?"

"Yeah ..." he answered, avoiding looking Liam in the eye. He didn't even know why he was telling him. "Adam got a chair at Harvard. So they’re moving there"

"Got it" Liam murmured softly, looking at him again. "So...?" He hesitated, _will you come back home?_ He wanted to ask but he didn't want to risk sounding way too much hopeful, but Theo was faster.

  
 

"My mum wants me to go with her" he spat out.

Liam remained silent for a while, the only sound went back being the pouring rain and the engine roaring beneath them. He continued to stare at him, trying to metabolize the day's too much information. "In Boston?" Finally he repeated almost mechanically, almost breathlessly.

"Yes. In Boston. With them." Theo repeated slowly. "She thinks I'll have good chances getting into Harvard like that, so ..."

"And that's what you want too?" he asked weakly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

Theo continued to avoid his gaze promptly. "I don't know ... maybe"

Finally Liam turned back to look out the window, in an attempt to hide his bitter expression. Theo was leaving again. He was ready to put more than 1000 miles between them, and he talked about it as if it were nothing. He bit the inside of his cheek hoping his voice wouldn't come out shaking as he feared. He surprised himself with the way he spoke, detached, almost icy.

"You should go if that's what you think is best for you"

  
 

Theo finally turned to look at him, his heart throbbing painfully in his chest, and he met just the back of his neck, while Liam stubbornly looked out the window. He didn't know why he talked to him about that, especially after all those months of silence, but he knew that that wasn't the answer he wanted to hear.

Because he knew it wasn't what Liam really thought.

He just wanted Liam to finally be honest. That he stopped being afraid, stop wondering what people would think. That he followed his heart and that he just took what he wanted, did what he loved, without regrets and without hesitation.

Maybe he didn't even care anymore if what Liam wanted was the same thing he wanted too, as long as Liam was happy. Which clearly he was not now. 

What he wanted was for Liam to just be himself. Because he had seen it, as Liam was when he really smiled, as he was when he got angry and spit on you every bitter truth, had seen him frightened and upset, had seen him being stupid, with his bad sense of humor, he had seen him cry without shame. He had seen the _real_ Liam, and he was the one he had fallen in love with.

But he also knew that it was something that Liam needed to bring out by himself. It couldn't always be the one pushing him, he couldn't force him, and every time he tried it, it had always ended badly.

Theo sighed heavily "Yeah, it would probably be the best for everyone" he muttered between his teeth, returning to focus on the road.

*

Liam thought he wasn't in the mood for a birthday party, but found himself unable to resist the overwhelming atmosphere as they all sat together in his living room, drinking and eating and making small talk. There was something incredibly reassuring about being surrounded by all the people he cared about, with Alec, Nolan, Corey and Mason continuing to toast for him, Mason who occasionally brought out some story about him as a kid that made everyone laugh, it was nice to see Scott and Stiles talking to all the others as if they had known them for a lifetime; Hayden who was caught up in a conversation with Malia and Lydia, Josh continuing to follow Tracy around, talking to her in bursts, as she rolled her eyes, unable, however, to hold back the shadow of a smile. It was almost easier to forget about Theo's absence. _Almost_. Sometimes he had just the feeling that something was missing to make that picture perfect. He just wanted him to be there too.

"Okay, guys, I don't know about you, but it really seems like a waste to me to end the night like this" Josh exclaimed at one point, getting up from the table. Everyone turned to look at him.

"I bet you can come out with a plan" Tracy joked, drinking from her glass.

"Well ..." Josh blew, dragging the ‘e’ "There would be this night at Sinema ..." he tried with a smile.

"Oh god" Liam groaned, throwing back his head

"It's a life that I don’t go dancing" Scott commented, sharing a glance with Stiles.

"I'm in, guys!" Nolan shouted.

Mason looked at Liam. "Come on, you can't ditch us like this!" he pleaded with a widening grin. Everyone looked at him waiting and for a few seconds Liam held their gaze until he groaned and rolled his eyes "Okay, let's go to Sinema" he sighed. Everyone cheered eagerly, standing up. Mason put an arm around his shoulders. "Do you know what you really need?" Liam looked at him raising an eyebrow. "Drowning all your problems in alcohol"

"I think I need a whole pool full of alcohol for that" Liam commented with a snort.

Mason chuckled. "Uhh see what we can do"

*

  
 

At the end of his shift, Theo left the back room after changing from work clothes and approached Amber as she closed the register. He picked out the phone from his jacket pocket and his eyes lingered on a notification that signaled a new text coming from Josh. He frowned when he saw that that idiot had sent him a video about forty minutes ago. He opened it pressing play. He laughed when he saw that it was showing a really tipsy Josh, an indefinite crowd surrounding him while the music echoed in the speakers. Amber approached attracted by the noise to spy over his shoulder.

"Dude, I know you're probably working now, but you absolutely have to get here when you finish!" Josh screamed to be heard over the music. "And yes, I'm drunk, we're all drunk, even your little little brother is drunk!" he chuckled, then leaned out of the lens and a moment later reappeared pulling Liam, an arm over his shoulders.

"I'm not drunk!" Liam protested, with a cute pout on his face, but didn't try to wriggle away. Theo studied him, unable to suppress a smile. He didn't look drunk, but from the way he dragged his voice a little he was definitely tipsy.

"Stop lying and say hi to Theo!" Josh shouted, catching Liam's attention on his cell phone. He could not see clearly with the psychedelic lights that enveloped them, but he was sure that Liam was blushing as he stirred on the spot. "Hey" he grumbled "Y-you really should come ..."

"Yes, you really should come, asshole! Don't be a ditcher as usual" Josh broke in, screaming and monopolizing the screen "We wait for you" he shouted again before closing the video .

"Your friend is nice" Amber said with a chuckle.

"If you say so" Theo laughed

"Is he single?" then she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I would say yes"

"Is he in love with his step brother?" Amber still wanted to know, ironically.

"Definitely not"

"Okay, then there's nothing else to know!" Amber cried excitedly. "Here we go?"

Theo froze "Do you- do you wanna come with me? At _Liam’s_ birthday party ?" Nothing of that idea seemed good to him.

"It's a disco, you go for Liam, I go for the music." She rolled her eyes, then shrugged her shoulders "I just need a ride and you have a car"

Theo snorted "Okay, let's go" he agreed. He had already learned that arguing with Amber was a losing battle.

*

  
 

From the moment Josh had sent the video to Theo, Liam had done nothing but keep going with his eyes to the dancefloor entrance stairs, hoping to see him come in. At one point Mason had pinched his arm. "Dude, get out of the stalker mode! People will start noticing" he whispered, nodding to the spot where, a few steps from them, Corey, Alec, Nolan, Scott and Stiles were dancing wildly.

"Sorry, I can't help it," Liam sighed, blushing but looking down. "I just wish he would come"

"I know, but checking every ten seconds won't make him appear magically" Mason joked, as Liam's eyes darted upward again.

Liam had never believed in bullshit like you are able to find the person you like right away in a crowded room, or that when you see them, the rest of the world disappears, yet when Theo appeared at the top of the stairs, it was exactly what happened. His heart sped up in his chest, but the small bubble of happiness that made him feel light was short-lived. Because it wasn't true that the rest of the world had disappeared. Liam could not absolutely not notice the girl next to Theo. A pang went through him and he widened his eyes, catching Mason's attention.

"What?"

"He brought her here" Liam muttered. He could also hear the pain that leaked from his own voice. "I can't believe he brought her here. Just today among all the days"

"Her ...?" Mason also opened his eyes, realizing, then turning and finding Theo after a few attempts. He saw him the moment Josh threw himself at him shouting like crazy. Theo was still laughing as he introduced the girl to his best friend.

Liam pursed his lips before turning and walking away. "Li, wai-"

"I need some air" Liam muttered between his teeth. He wasn't sure Mason had really heard him, but he must have understood, because he didn't follow.

Instead the boy marched towards Theo who had taken a few steps further, leaving the girl with Josh, and evidently aiming for Alec, Nolan and Corey. But Mason intercepted him by standing in front of him with a dark frown. Theo winced taken aback. "Mason, what the hell - you scared the hell out of-"

"Dude, you could have avoided all this!" Mason hissed angrily.

"What?"

"You know what I'm talking about! Look, I know Liam hurt you, but what? Is this some kind of revenge? It's not funny. Liam is trying, he just wants to do what he thinks is best for everyone, that's not the way you will able to shake him" he snapped, trying not to be heard by the others, not that there was some risk, given the way in which they were still all taken by the music.

Theo blinked. It took a while to understand. He couldn't believe that Liam had _really_ talked to anyone about it. He would have enjoyed for this little progress, but suddenly remembered that he had just been accused of something. He glanced quickly at Amber and then returned to Mason, hurried to explain "Wait, that's not what I-"

"You shouldn't tell that to me, I just wanted to warn you! It's _Liam_ we're talking about. He lost his dad all of a sudden, without a reason, he almost lost a friend and he never really stopped blaming himself, he was humiliated and belittled as a child _multiple_ times, and you should know something about it! You can't blame him if he torments himself and he is terrified of every step he takes! You helped him somehow to come out of it, don't push him back now" Mason exclaimed with a note of desperation in his voice.

Theo remained motionless for a few seconds, the words sinking slowly making the blood freeze in his veins. For the very first time he seemed to realize that perhaps Liam's shyness was only a screen, a protection to avoid being involved, to avoid hurting again. Theo had always known that they were similar, the two of them, but only now he probably understood how much. "Where is he?"

"I don't know" Mason spread his arms. "But you better find him, and be quick." And his tone admitted no objections.

*

Liam leaned his palms against the sink trying to calm himself and rearrange his thoughts. He swallowed unable to stop repeating the exact same question. Why had Theo taken her there? Right on his birthday. Didn't he care how he felt? He knew he would hurt him.

He closed his eyes, opening the tap and throwing a little water on his face before returning to the same position as before.

_I don't want to feel that way. I hate feeling that way. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to be greedy._

"It sucks when the person you like looks at someone else eh?" a voice full of irony spoke suddenly, making him jump on the spot, startled. He looked up at the mirror, meeting Tracy's grimace, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest, as she looked at him almost pleased.

Liam turned and gave her a bitter look. "Are you here to rub it on my face now?"

Tracy rolled her eyes and then detached herself from the wall and took a step toward him. "Relax, I have nothing against you" she snorted raising her hands. Then she looked away, almost as if it cost to say what she was probably about to say, and went on slowly. "Do you know where I went wrong? I let myself get carried away. Theo just wanted to have fun and I let him do it. Hoping that maybe in time things would be turned right on their own" She laughed bitter "But you know, it does not work that way. We’ve never actually been a good match, right… but also I’ve never been honest with Theo about my feelings until it was too late." She gave him one last look before turning to leave. "I hope you know how to be smarter than that" she concluded with a wave of her hand.

Honest. Smart. _Happy._ Everything that Liam wanted to be, everything that everyone else suggested he should be, always ended up colliding with another.

*

"I need a _pool_ of alcohol"

The bartender looked at Liam, appeared out of nowhere with crazy overreaches, and blinked. "How much did you drink, dude?"

"What-? I'm not drunk, that's why I'm asking you to give me a drink!"

He was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol he had drunk earlier slip away, and now all he wanted was to _feel_ nothing, to become numb to the world around him.

"I would ask you to give me a document, but I don't need to see it to know that you're not of age” he muttered back, looking down on him.

Liam would have been offended at the subtle rude remark about his height, if an amused laugh at his side had not distracted him. He turned to face the owner, who glanced at him ... fascinated? ... before turning to the barman. "Come on, let him have what he wants. I'll take the responsibility" he smiled affably.

"Are you sure?"

"He’s sure, did you hear him? Bring me the strongest drink you have!" Liam muttered with a frown, sitting on the stool next to his improvised savior.

"Bad day?" the boy asked a few seconds later. Liam glanced at him. In his plan of pulling away from reality, there was no conversation with anyone, but … take it as it comes right?

"Bad life" he replied bitterly, making him laugh. Liam raised an eyebrow. He really didn’t mean to be funny. To avoid talking again, he grabbed the glass the bartender had placed in front of him and raised it to his lips. "Drink it slowly, it is strong," the barman warned. Liam drank it in one gulp. "Scratch that." He rolled his eyes, while Liam forcefully placed the plastic cup on the counter. "Another one!"

"Are you sure you have enough space in there, short stuff?"

"Sure you know how to do your job? Because I didn't feel it at all"

The boy next to him laughed again, giving him an admired look and then winking at the barman. "Did you hear him? Bring him another one" The barman rolled his eyes before he left to obey.

At the third glass, the barman had stopped protesting. At the fifth glass, Liam was definitely revved up, and in the seventh he literally told half of his life to the boy sitting next to him, now sitting face to face leaning towards each other, while the glasses slowly piled up on the counter. "And so he showed up here with her, the asshole" the boy repeated - Mark... Mitch... what was his name? - almost eagerly sympathetic, his hands now resting on Liam's knees.

When did he put them there? Everything started to get confused and blurred... everything but...

"He’s not an asshole" Liam drawled weakly "He's nice... he's kind ... _he's perfect ..._ this _\- everything -_ it's just my fault..." He tentatively brought the glass to his lips only to find it was empty. This did not stop him from trying anyway to pour it into his mouth, until Mark / Mitch gently slipped it out of his hands, urging him to look at it.

"You know, the world is full of nice, kind boys" he whispered, shifting closer.

Liam stared at him, his eyes clouded and his mind blurred. Why was everything spinning? "No one is like Theo"

He raised an eyebrow, "Do you want to give it a try?"

Liam looked at him confused, as if he had lost the thread of his speech. Actually he had lost the thread of everything at the moment. Where was he? What was he supposed to be doing? He just wanted to close his eyes and not see anything anymore ...

He closed his eyes instinctively when he felt a warm pressure on his lips, he leaned against the body in front of him, hoping to be able to stop the dizziness and prevent everything from turning around. It seemed to work, so when a tongue tentatively pricked his lips, he opened his mouth to give it a way in. It seems so easy. He wanted it to be that easy even outside, in real life ...

*

When he met Tracy in the corridor, he didn't even have to ask questions. She anticipated him. "He's in the bathroom," she just said without stopping. And Theo had been looking for Liam in every bathroom in that place for almost half an hour. Uselessly. So he found himself back in the middle of the dancefloor, when Amber had joined him. "Do you mind if I have another ride home?" she asked him with a mischievous smile.

Theo struggles to grimace "Josh?"

"No, he also seems pretty taken" Amber with a grimace pointed with his thumb behind her, and Theo followed it with his gaze, stopping on Tracy and Josh, who were dancing holding each other. He couldn't hold back a smile. "Why are you all so disgustingly in love?" she moaned, rolling her eyes.

Theo laughed bitterly, while his eyes continued to rummage through the crowd in search of Liam. "Who brings you home? I want to be sure I don't leave you in the hands of a homicidal maniac, you know"

"I would be able to scare off any homicidal maniac who dare to approach me" Amber muttered.

"I'm sure"

"Anyway I go with your friend Nolan" Theo's gaze slid over Nolan who had the same expression as someone who had just won a lottery. "Homicidal maniac?" Amber wanted to know ironically.

"Now I fear for _his_ safety"

"Oh thanks. You always tell me the sweetest things, T" Amber rolled her eyes, before patting him on the shoulder. "See you on monday, then"

"Yeah" She smiled before jumping to Nolan. "Have fun" Theo shouted after her, laughing.

"Count on it!!"

Theo shook his head, the smile slowly dying as he returned to the crowd again. It was useless. But Liam couldn't have disappeared, and he couldn't have walked home. And everyone in the group was still around dancing, so no one could have taken him home. So...?

He pointed Mason as soon as he appeared from a side corridor and reached him. "Did you find him?" they asked together. Theo rolled his eyes as Mason's eyes continued to look around.

"He can't be gone, damn!"

Mason's gaze fixed on a point dazed "Uh, he’s not"

"What?"

Mason pointed with his finger and Theo simply turned, meeting the view of the bar, the only place he had thought it was useless to look at. Theoretically no one could make Liam drink. Yet there was Liam, clearly drunk, the upper part of his body swaying slightly back and forth and glassy eyes, while _some guy_ looked at him as if he were some kind of luscious treat, his hands resting on his knees, his fingers caressing him imperceptibly. Then the guy dare to lean forward and _kiss him_. And Liam let him do it.

Theo's mind went blank, anger rising and fists clenched, nails digging into his palms, at the idea of some random guy taking advantage of Liam, doing what he wanted to do for _months_. He could swear he heard himself growl at some point. Then a moment later he was moving forward.

"Woh-oh" Mason with a jerk reached him, taking him by the arm and then placing himself in front of him, hands forward "What do you plan to do?" he exclaimed alarmed, his eyes wide open.

"Get the hell out of the way, Mason" Theo snapped, anger oozing from his voice. Mason didn't move, but he didn't protest when Theo circled him around.

"Help" he grumbled between his teeth as he turned to follow the scene.

  
 

Liam didn't know what he was doing, but at least everything had stopped spinning. Until then he felt something pull back harshly the stool he was sitting on. His stomach turned over and he fumbled forward, instinctively clinging to the first thing he found. A shoulder. _Someone's_ shoulder.

He raised his glassy eyes meeting the sight of Theo standing in front of him, an angry frown on his face as he looked at something in front of him.

Why was Theo angry? Was he angry with him? 

He didn't want Theo to be angry with him again... But he seemed the only thing he could do. Disappointing people …

The guy looked up at the intruder the moment he appeared in front of him. "What's your problem, man?" he blurted angrily.

"You're the one who's going to have a problem if you just don't get out of my face" Theo hissed, a look on his face that would have made anyone with a little bit of common sense run away. But he didn't seem impressed as he stood up.

"You know maybe you should teach your little boyfriend not to whoring around if your reaction is this," he said with a condescending smile 

Theo step forward, the anger that kept mounting. "What did you just say? Say it ag-"

Mason stepped forward again, taking him by one shoulder and pulling him back a step. "Theo-Theo! Okay, we don't want to spend another night at the police station, do we?" then he asked allusively. At that point the dude’s cheekiness mask began to falter, and he had to think that it was better to let it go, because he gave a last derisive snort before turning and leaving.

"Why did you stop me? I want to punch that shit smile away from his shit fa—" Theo growled trying to step forward again, but Mason pushed him back.

"Come on, forget it man. We have other problems now" he reminded him, with a nod to Liam.

Theo turned to him, finding him with his head on the counter, sleeping sprawled. He barely rested from rolling his eyes fondly.

"I told him it was strong" the bartender commented from his corner as he dried the glasses with a cloth. Theo gave him one nasty look before returning to look at Liam, mentally deciding what to do

"I'll take him home" he finally said.

"Sure?"

"Yes, I still have the keys, I will get him in his room without you having to wake Jenna. I don't think she would be happy to see him like this"

"Uh I would say no ... Okay ... um ... but text me when you are at home..." Mason mumbled. "And ... what about ... your _friend_?" he asked treading on the last word

"She already has a ride home" He looked at him annoyed. "And she is not _my friend"_ He rolled her eyes again, approaching Liam, and shaking him gently. "Come on, little sponge, it's time to go home"

"Uh-" Liam groaned, then uttering a series of sounds that had to be words but of which Theo just caught "-home"

"Yes, home" he just nodded back

They helped Liam stand up, Mason on one side and Theo on the other. At one point, Liam tilted his head towards Mason, with a sly smile on his face that widened more and more "Pool" he just said. Mason burst out laughing, inexplicably at least for Theo, who had no idea what was so funny. "See? I told you it could be done ... and know that I'll make fun of you for this for the rest of your life" Mason said as Liam's head fell down letting himself be driven out of the club as a dead weight between them.

It took fifteen minutes to pick up Liam in the car, five to convince Mason that everything will go fine and he could easily return to his boyfriend, and ten to drive home, a time Liam spent sleeping with his forehead against the window.

The real problem came when Theo pulled into the driveway and got out of the car, realizing that Liam hadn't done the same. He rolled his eyes before walking towards Liam's door and opening it. Liam woke up with a jerk when he missed the window support, and nearly rolled out of the car. Theo held him up, and really, he hadn't done it on purpose, but he couldn't hold back a little laugh.

"Theo, you asshole ..." Liam whimpered, throwing his head back into the seat as Theo laughed louder.

"Well, at least you're returning yourself," he commented. "Come on, give me your hand"

Liam, again with his adorable pout on his face, hesitated for half a second before clinging to Theo and slipping out of the car.

"I'm dying?" Liam mumbled weakly

"You're not dying"

"I really feel like I'm dying," Liam insisted, whimpering. "If mom sees me ...-" Theo had just opened the front door trying to be as quiet as possible, when Liam stumbled on the carpet at the entering. Theo quickly caught him but this did not prevent him from knocking out the umbrella stand that rolled to the ground with a deafening clang that seemed to echo for the whole neighborhood. The two stayed petrified for a few seconds, Theo still holding Liam with a hand on his back and one around his waist, until then Liam looked up at him, another confused smile spreading across his face "Shit" he just said. Theo grudgingly laughed. He was still obviously drunk.

Then he sighed, made sure that Liam could stand on his legs for at least half a second and turned away giving him his back and kneeling. Liam looked at him puzzled. "Wha-?"

"Go up"

"No"

"I don't want to find out how much noise you will make falling down the stairs"

"I'm heavy"

"Now you're just drunk, come on"

Theo couldn't see him but he was sure Liam was pouting again, and he probably blushed, and not because of the alcohol this time, as he wrapped his arms around Theo's neck and Theo grabbed him by his thighs, standing up.

  
 

"Everything okay back there?" he asked as he began to climb the stairs.

Liam buried his face on Theo's shoulder, his eyes closing each time he landed on a comfortable surface. "I'm sorry," he mumbled half-asleep.

"You shouldn't. You're drunk, it's your birthday, it's normal" Theo tried to reassure him. Then he laughed lightly "On my birthday last year I woke up in the shower"

A sleepy smile also formed on Liam's lips as he pressed his face even more against the other's neck. "Were you naked?"

Theo laughed "No, but I was completely wet, and full of soap"

Liam laughed weakly as he clung to him. It was a pleasant feeling, he could have stayed that way forever. He could smell Theo's shampoo. And his cologne. He could feel the warmth of his skin against his whole body. And he could clearly hear Theo's heart beat, a little stronger than normal.

But maybe it was just the effort of climbing the stairs with a half-unconscious Liam on his shoulders. Or maybe it was panic. Theo stopped suddenly, with only one foot on the last step, looking directly into Paul's eyes standing in the bedroom door.

"What the hell are you doing?" Paul said in the tone of someone who is really tired of all this crap.

"Please tell me Jenna is not there" Theo just whispered in reply.

" _Oh god_ " Paul rolled his eyes, then sighed, taking two fingers to pinch his nose "Please, just take him in his room, I'll pretend I never saw you"

Theo smiled, relaxing "Thanks dad" And he hastened to obey.

He helped Liam get into bed, watching him moan and squirm as he tucked the blankets up to him, sitting on the side of the bed. Theo smiled "Sleep a little, you won't remember anything tomorrow morning"

Liam grumbled again, pausing and looking at Theo above him.

He knew what was going to happen. Theo would go away. He would leave him there alone.

He would go thousands of miles away from him.

"Don't leave me" he heard his voice say, low but terribly noisy in the silence of the room.

Theo didn't look surprised. He just looked at him with an affectionate expression, his eyes sliding from his half-closed eyes to his hands clenched around the sheets that wrapped his torso.

"I can't stay"

"Please, just--" _Just this time,_ he was about to say, but it wasn't what he really wanted. He wanted it to be for good. "Just-stay ... a little longer." Liam whimpered, opening his eyes completely.

Theo didn't answer. And for a moment Liam thought he would tell him to go to hell and leave. It probably was what he deserves. But then he heard shoes falling on the floor, and sheets shifting. He watched as Theo lay down beside him, both of them lying on their sides, keeping to look each other in the eyes as if searching for something. Answers maybe.

  
 

"I have the feeling that we've already been here before" Theo smiled at some point, his mind returning to that night months ago. The night Liam had kissed him. The night he realized how strong his feelings for him were.

Now, after months, after all that had happened, he could see how those feelings had grown, and how much they were continuing to grow, day after day. Theo knew in one way or another that they could no longer be stopped.

  
 

Liam's heart throbbed painfully in his chest as he kept looking at Theo. As if he feared that as soon as he closed his eyes, he would disappear into thin air.

He wished it was always like this. Theo, at his side, talking about stupid things, and laughing, with the certainty of always being there for one another. And not just in times of need.

He wanted to lean in and cover the little distance that separated their bodies, allow himself to be enveloped by the warmth of his body and feel his lips again on his own

He needed it. He wanted it. He _craved_ it.

But Theo kept putting more and more distance between them. And maybe it was Liam who pushed him to do that, but it wasn't what Liam wanted when he chose to protect his mom and his family’s happiness. He didn't want Theo to disappear from his life so he could have it. But it was probably late now.

Theo was leaving, again. And probably he was already forgetting him.

He thought of Amber's comment at the cafe, of Theo bringing her to Sinema, of the furious expression on Theo's face just before ...

He felt something wet on his cheeks, but he realized what was happening only when Theo opened his eyes wide in shock. "W-why are you crying?"

Liam blinked, several times, in an attempt to stop them, but the tears kept running down copiously, the shame now mixed with guilt and hurt. His lower lip trembled and he clenched his jaw trying to stop it, but he still couldn't look away from Theo, who was looking at him in painful expectation

"Are you ... are you mad at me?" Liam sobbed finally. "Do you hate me, don't you?" Liam closed his eyes, trying to stop crying. God, he felt so stupid. He opened them again meeting Theo’s, the exact same expression still on his face. "I don't want you to hate me"

Something in Theo's heart broke as he moved closer, a hand coming to rest on the other's neck. "I don't hate you, Li." he whispered "I could never do that, I _care_ about you. Nothing will change this" He used his hand still stuck on the hollow between his neck and his shoulder to pull him close, and Liam let himself be drawn, melting into Theo's arms, his hands that wrapped themselves around his waist clinging to his shirt. He felt he could not blame alcohol at that moment. It was more the reason he could afford to be bold and spontaneous for once. So he buried his head in Theo's chest, feeling Theo do the same in his hair.

"I miss you so much" he said against the fabric

He wasn't sure Theo had heard him.

*

When he opened his eyes the next morning, the sun was blinding against his sensitive eyes, his throat was dry, his head was bursting, and Theo was gone. He could not completely hold back his disappointment as his head moved around the room.

His heart stopped as his eyes fell on a plate on his desk. He slipped out of bed in a pile of sheets so quickly and so promptly that he even surprised himself. He stopped only when he was in front of his desk, his eyes moving almost fascinated by the plate of pancakes (blueberry syrup and cream, his favorites, those that his mom always prepared for him) to the now cold glass of cappuccino, to the card laid on it.

Liam took it with trembling hands.

_Don't worry, my cooking skills are definitely better than yours!_

_PS. Happy birthday, Li_

Liam was not sure he could describe the feeling of warmth that enveloped him reading those words. He could remember almost every detail of the night before, the way they have literally slept _cuddling,_ and this time he was almost sure he had let Theo escape once and for all. But evidently he was wrong.

With a big smile, he sat at his desk, eating his breakfast, despite the protests of his stomach. And nothing had ever seemed tastier to him.

  
 

*

He spent another hour in bed, before getting up and crawling in the shower. Just then he felt that he had returned to being a functional human being. Once dressed, he picked up the phone, answering Mason's texts asking if he was alive or not, and went downstairs. He checked the time on his cell phone before putting it in his pocket. It was almost 2pm and his mother would not be home before 4pm. And at that moment he felt the need to put something under his teeth. He made a sandwich and then threw himself on the sofa, turning on the TV.

He kept looking at his cell phone, hoping somehow to see a text from Theo appear. Or maybe he should have been the one texting him first? After all, it was the one who had made a fool of himself - again - and had needed help - again -

He blushed at the thought, placing the phone on the pillow beside him, while all he kept receiving were Mason's messages about his falling into some pool. He didn't remember anything like that.

  
 

It was 3pm when he suddenly heard someone fiddling with the front door, and his heart leapt in his throat with fear. Who the hell was now?!

  
 

When Theo opened the front door, the last thing he expected to find was Liam with a pillow in his hands, ready to hit- " _Wo-oh_!" he shouted, stepping back into the porch, while Liam freezed, seeing him.

"What the hell, Theo, you fucking scared the death out of me!!" Liam hissed agitatedly.

Theo laughed, pointing at the pillow. "God, what did you want to do? Start a pillow fight with a thief?" Liam blushed, letting his arm fall back to his side. "That's why you should never make the plans"

"Why are you here?" Liam asked in a weak attempt to fight embarrassment, changing the subject. He stepped out of the house too, placing the pillow on one of the porch chairs.

Theo shrugged "I knew Jenna wasn't there, nor was my dad... so I came to check if everything was okay." he answered hesitantly, putting his hands in his pockets. "I would say yes, aside your weak attempt at murder ... but we can keep this for ourselves-"

"Theo, shut up" Liam rolled his eyes.

"I can leave if you do-" 

"No!" Liam turned bright red as his mouth moved without his permission. Theo stopped, half-turned to leave and looked at him, raising an eyebrow. Liam shifted uncomfortably on his feet, giving him brief glances. "I-" He sighed, sitting heavily on the rocking nearby "I probably owe you an apology… for yesterday ... sorry if I’ve been weird ..."

"It's everything okay"

"It's not. I'm always the one who causes you problems, and you are always there to help me ..-" Liam insisted.

Theo stepped forward and sat down next to him "Never once I think of you as a problem, and I assure you that I never did anything I didn't want" he admitted sincerely.

Liam held his gaze this time, before speaking "In this case, thank you" He blushed again "...for bringing me home, and for-" He fell silent as he remembered that night "for breakfast" he hastened to conclude before saying something too much.

Theo smiled then looked down hesitantly. "I have some apologizing to do myself."

Liam looked at him in surprise, because there was nothing he should apologize for. But Theo promptly interrupted his attempt to make him notice "I'm sorry if I avoided you, I'm sorry if I was an asshole sometimes in the last few months. It's just that ... I thought that if I couldn't be your ...-" Theo stopped, while Liam's heart jumped at the word that Theo had failed to say "If I couldn't have you as _I_ wanted" he corrected himself, "then I couldn't have you in any other way. I was selfish, and I'm sorry. But what I feel ... doesn’t change" A slight blush tinged Theo's cheeks "but I want to correct myself on one thing. I will never be able to be your brother, it's true ... but I want to try to be your friend" Theo looked at him uncertain "’Cause ... I miss you too, Li"

Liam blushed, remembering that was something he had admitted first. His heart was beating fast in his chest as he searched for something to say. Nothing seemed appropriate. He was happy, because Theo was agreeing to try and get things back to normal. But his was not a complete happiness, because in one way or another, 'friend' was something that was now out of tune even to his ears. But it was the best choice. Better to be friends than what they had become in those months! Those feelings would never go away anyway. Maybe so they could work them through together.

"Thanks" It was all he could say at the end, and it was probably the heartfelt thanks he had ever said in his life.

They remained silent for a while, until Theo spoke, trying to break the tension. "So ..." He smiled mischievously when Liam looked at him. "A little bird told me that you almost killed my cat trying to start the car ..."

Liam blushed rolling his eyes "Shut up, it's just ... less easy than expected! And it’s not your cat"

"Or maybe you just didn't have the right teacher" Theo said with an allusive nod.

"What?" In response, Theo threw at him the car key. Liam fidgeted to grab them then tighten them to his chest and looking at him shocked. "Do you want me to drive _your car_?"

"You should be honored. I'm trusting you with one of my most precious thing."

"I wouldn't do it if I were you" Liam warned him with a note of panic.

Theo laughed as he stood up and Liam reluctantly followed him.

"Just don't be in a hurry to get it started, let it go slowly and speeds up gently. Things come out much better if you take your time, right?"

"Looks so easy at words, but it's so hard." Liam rolled his eyes, but couldn't help smiling, not in front of Theo's smile, and the twinkle in his eyes. He took a half breath, starting the engine, then tightened both hands on the steering wheel. "Okay ..."

Theo looked at him before placing a hand on his thigh. "When you hear that it is about to start, hit the gas. Don't let it go out"

Liam nodded, feeling strangely nervous. When the engine roared, Liam felt Theo's hand tighten around him and he knew it was the time. The car jumped, but then moved forward without shutting off. "Oh-oh-oh" A big smile grew on Liam's face, quickly looking at Theo who imitated him. "Speed up!" he urged him.

"What? Do you want me to go on the _road_?" Liam screamed 

"It would be a shame to stop now, isn't it?"

"This is _so_ illegal, dude" Liam laughed, but he hit the gas a little bit more.

Theo laughed again, getting comfortable, one hand out the window, staring at him.

"See? We're finally moving, Dunbar"

  
 

TO BE CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The slow burn is killing me too, is that normal?


	18. Friends don't...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this latest chapters took more time but they're so much longer than usual as you can see, I didn't want to split them in two part, because the story would come too much longer than I planned at the beginning. 
> 
> Also, I let you know that I don't know very much about the places I described in this chapter, so if I wrote some bullshit, forgive me :*

_Liam jumped on the spot, where he was sitting on his bed, when someone knocked gently against the glass of his window._

_He looked up, then frowning when he met Theo's green eyes staring at him, and slid off the bed, opening the window slowly._

" _W-what are you doing here?" He stammered, puzzled, as Theo pushed himself into the room._

_Liam had a thousand other questions in mind that helped him understand that strange situation. He was more than sure that just two minutes before he was in his car, driving in some random street - a little too well for it to be real - until he had seen the horrible neighbor's cat staring at him. Creepy._

_And now he was there. And he wanted to ask, really, but something in Theo's dark and set gaze nailed him to the spot._

_Theo took a step toward him, cautious, slow, almost predatory. Liam instinctively made one back. The wall should have been much further away, but he found himself clashing with his shoulders against the solid surface. Theo raised his right arm, placing his hand against the wall next to his head._

_Liam's heart pounded in his throat as he tried to swallow. Something in that situation was somehow familiar._

" _You know .. you haven't answered my question yet" Theo just said._

_Liam stirred on the spot, lowering his eyes, words stuck in his throat. Theo, however, was faster, raising his other hand too and slamming it against the wall as he got closer. His chest was now pressed against Liam's, his breathing, for some reason, heavy. Liam wanted to run, but he couldn't take his eyes off the other’s, while Theo's slipped on his lips._

_"But there is no need” Theo whispered, his voice hoarse and low "I already know the answer ..."_

_Liam slightly parted his lips to speak, but changed his mind when Theo's hands moved from their place against the wall, settling on his forearm and then slowly climbing up, towards his shoulders, towards his chest, stroking the skin leaving trails of fire while he went on, pressing his body against his._

_"Liam" Theo whispered, never stopping to look into his eyes "do you want me to go away?"_

_Liam swallowed. Then he simply shook his head. It made no sense to fight, push him away, lie, not anymore, not when every part of him was screaming to kiss him, touch him, hold him, let it go, find out what would have happened if he had been honest that night months before._

_Theo seemed to hesitate, his hands wrapping around Liam's hips, and his lips hovered over the other's. "Are you sure?" He asked again._

_Something snapped in Liam at that moment. He bit his lip then the last glimmer of hesitation vanished. He raised his hands cupping them on Theo's face, pulling him close with force. Their lips collide in a messy, desperate kiss. Liam pushed against Theo, seeking even more contact, and Theo's hands clawed at the fabric of the shirt as he pulled him closer._

_In a struggle of limbs, lips and skin, Liam felt his body slide down and his back hit the mattress. Theo drew back, breathless, his lips an inch away while their breaths merged._

" _Someone could hear us ..." Theo whispered hesitantly with one quick glance at the door._

" _I don't care" Liam said immediately, his hands wrapping around Theo's neck. Theo looked at him almost mesmerized, as looking into his eyes for signs of regret. There were none._

_So he kissed him again._

_Liam found the hem of his shirt, running his hands over his warm skin, while Theo turned his attention to his neck and collarbone. Liam sighed, tilting his head back._

_He could feel Theo's hands everywhere, on his back, on his chest, on his thighs. He was everywhere. Theo rolled his hips against Liam’s. "Oh god" Liam exhaled heavily, "Theo..."_

_"Liam ..."_

_Someone knocked on the door. It seemed light years away, so neither of them paid any attention as they kept kissing_

  
 

"Liam? _"_ Someone knocked again. This time strong and clear, and Liam's eyes widened as his mother opened the door, and he found himself staring at the white ceiling with his eyes wide open, his body still. "Honey, you'll be late for school!"

  
 

His heart throbbed harshly against his chest as he sat up, sheets slipping into his lap, then turning to his mother at the door. He looked around, his face turning bright red as he realized what had just happened. He returned embarrassed to his mother, who looked at him a little baffled. "Everything okay, honey?"

"Ye .. yeah.." he stammered. He put his hand to his forehead. "Sorry ... I'll go down right away"

"Good," she said slowly, giving him a last worried look before closing the door behind her.

  
 

Liam stayed a few seconds motionless listening to the ticking of the clock and the crazy rhythm of his own heart, before throwing himself back on the bed, covering his face with both hands, pieces of the dream that reached him slowly.

_My God. Had he just had a wet dream about Theo ?! Well not really wet because he had been woken up before they ... Oh god!_

  
 

Liam rolled over in bed, pressing his face against the pillow, stifling a scream. What the hell is with him ?!

  
 

When Liam came fully dressed downstairs, he found his mother busy in the kitchen. It took him a few seconds to realize how strange that was. Perhaps he was still dreaming, and soon he would see Blackie Chan again, creepy staring at him from a corner. This or Theo would have jumped out wearing just an apron. He didn't know which of these would have been more insane.

He looked at his mother as he sat on the kitchen island stool. "Why are you not at work? Didn't you have the morning shift this week?” He asked, puzzled.

"Melissa needed a change, so I'll work at night today" her mother replied quietly as she poured the bacon from the pan to the plate in front of Liam.

"Oh got it" Liam frowned, staring at his bacon. He still felt confused and embarrassed by the whole situation. Not that there was something strange, he was a teenager after all, wasn't he? It was normal to have wet dreams from time to time, who didn't? It is that this was _Theo_. Theo that he shouldn't have thoughts about, especially not _that kind_ of thoughts, especially not now that their relationships seemed to be slowly improving.

He cast a frowning glance at his mother who ate in front of him. _"I don't care,"_ he said in the dream when Theo had pointed out that someone could hear them. Now he felt guilty at the memory.

"All right, honey?" Jenna asked, looking at him worriedly. Liam winced when he realized that he was staring at her.

"Wh-? Oh, yeah, it's all right, sorry ... " he hastened to start eating again.

"You don't look very well, you know... before--"

"It was nothing, mom ... just- a nightmare" he promptly invented, looking at her softly

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Liam's heart skipped a beat "Better not!” Liam said quickly.

Jenna raised an eyebrow. Then she sighed "You know you can tell me everything, right?"

Liam bit his lip feeling infinitely guilty. "I know, I know." But he really couldn't.

"So what is up?" Jenna asked, with a slight note of anxiety in her voice. "Lately you don't look ... happy? Did something happen? At school? Someone is bo-"

"No no, nothing like that. I ... um …” Liam stammered. "No-It’s not me actually, it’s-" He got an idea. "Just a friend of mine, who’s got a problem!"

"A friend?" Jenna asked slowly, raising an eyebrow.

"Ye- yes" he sighed

"And let’s hear, what's the matter with this friend of yours?" Jenna asked with a smirk, placing her chin on her palm

Liam stared at his empty plate before beginning to talk cautiously. "He ... _my friend_ -" Liam specified. He sighed. "He ended up having feelings for a person, but ... accepting to be with this person, uhm... will hurt someone else he really love ..." Liam looked up to meet his mother's eyes. "And so he doesn't know what to do" he concluded sadly.

Jenna looked at him "And does this other person care about _your friend_?"

"Yes, yes ... they are kinda really close ... he’s ... practically he’s their most important person" Liam admitted hesitantly.

"Well then I don't see how this person could suffer to see your friend happy next to the person he loves" Jenna said simply. Liam looked at her off guard. "If someone who loves you prevents you from doing what you love, that someone doesn't love you, honey"

Liam blinked "Do you mean my friend?" He corrected her anxiously.

"Yes, your friend, whoever you want." Jenna rolled her eyes. "And if you choose not to do what makes you happy for someone else's sake, how do you think this person will feel when they find out? They will suffer even more because was the cause of your unhappiness, don't you think?” Jenna got up, retrieving the dishes. "Eventually someone has to hurt, that's how life goes, but at least choose a pain that's worth it" Jenna smiled with a shrug.

Liam looked at her fondy. She was really amazing.

  
 

But he couldn't help but wonder if she would still think so, if she had known what Liam was really referring to...

  
 

*

  
 

Mason wouldn't stop laughing, and Liam would have pulled the lunch tray after him if it wasn't busy sinking into the chair from embarrassment.

"Oh my god," Mason choked, tears in his eyes.

"Stop it, Mase, it's not funny, if you haven't noticed it here I'm slightly panicked"

"If you're so embarrassed about a dream, what will you do when it happens for real?"

"Ah don't say it!" Liam covered his face with hands "It will never happen, do not put images in my head"

"It seems that you already have images in your head, and also quite clear" Mason chuckled, looking at him.

"I hate you," Liam muttered from behind his hands. He lowered them with a heavy sigh, his face flushed, "I should have shut up"

Mason rolled his eyes laughing again "It's just a dream, Li, maybe you just need to get laid, or maybe your subconscious tries to tell you something"

"And what?"

"That you are a hopeless idiot"

"You’re not helping here, Mase "

"Well then give me more details about this dream ..." Mason teased him "Let's hear, what wild things did you and Theo do?"

"Mase, sto-"

"What did I and Liam do?" Theo's suddenly curious voice asked.

Liam stopped, turning pale, before turning to the right, Mason mirroring him, meeting the sight of a puzzled Theo, the tray in his hand.

Theo walked around the table, then sat down next to Liam.

"What were you talking about?" Theo asked again, there was no malice in his tone, he was just perplexed, so he probably just heard those last words.

"Are you asking? You should know everything about the wild things you and Liam do whe-"Liam kicked Mason under the table, and Mason fell silent. Theo looked at them like they were crazy.

"I told him you let me drive your car," Liam just said. He was amazed at himself for his quick response and unexpected naturalness. He was really proud of himself.

But Mason had obviously not picked up his brilliant plan.

"He what?" Mason widened his eyes, and Liam gave him another kick and a glare. A grimace of pain formed on Mason's face as he began to rant: "Right ..."he what?" is exactly what I told him when he told me ... seriously, dude, you’ve got some balls entrusting this boy with a marching car, and even board on it ... do you know about the cat attempted murder?" he said everything so quickly, that it was surprising that Theo had grabbed something.

But Theo laughed uncorking his water bottle "Well you know me, I like risking"

"There's a big difference between risking and running with awareness towards your own death-" Mason commented with an eloquent look.

"Mason, shut up now" Liam said impassively. Mason fell silent.

Theo just laughed, shaking his head.

  
 

*

  
 

"I didn't think I would have said that, but my Saturday has been definitely better than yours" Amber remarked, when Theo had finished telling him the rest of the evening. She gave a dramatic sigh as she started washing the floor again. "I can't believe you almost beat a guy out of jealousy and I missed it."

Theo rolled his eyes, not even looking at her as he passed a sponge on the room's tables. "You have not really miss anything, he literally ran away screaming when Mason hinted to spend another evening at the police station” He barely held back a grin

Amberstopped again blinked at him "Have you been in the clink for a brawl?"

"Not really, but ... I also had my dark days" he replied with a shrug.

"Let me guess ... were you playing the knight in shining armor?" Amber grinned. Then she met Theo's face, a faint blush that pinked his cheeks as he tried hard to avoid her gaze. “Oh my God, you _were_!" She blew out a laugh "Do you punch everyone who even look bad at your handsome little prince?"

Theo blushed even more, but snorted annoyed. "Stop it now. Rather ... how was your night out with Nolan Holloway?" Theo gave her a smile.

"Definitely out of scheme"

"Not really the words I would have defined Nolan with"

"We went to a diner, he offered me a pizza and a beer, drove me home, kissed me on the cheek and he even waited for me to enter the door "Amber listed emphatically. Theo looked at her expectantly. Behind her usual mocking tone, there was something else. Was it like she was... impressed?

"So you didn't get what you wanted?" Theo teased.

"I'm working on it" she smiled "It'll be great when he sleeps with me" Theo grimaced. He didn't need that mental image. And Amber laughed at his expression. "You know," she shot him another mischievous look, before going back to work "I learned from experience that the most _shy_ people are also the wildest n _certain_ situations, if you know what I'm talking about ..."

Theo could feel something moving in his groin to her not-so-veiled insinuation, and he was absolutely not thinking of Nolan. He glared at her deadpan. "How do you suppose I can work now with this image in my head?"

Amber laughed heartily. "Man, you need to stop imagining and just bring some action."

Theo didn't answer, returning to clean the table, trying to force any strange thought that had just surfaced into the most hidden part of his mind. Needless to say, it failed miserably.

  
 

All that whole thing of being friends was proving harder than expected.

  
 

*

  
 

While April also gave way to May, Theo became increasingly restless. Not only the semester was winding down and bar work prevented him from fully concentrating on the study, but even the lacrosse championship was almost over, and the final decisive match would be played later this month. Furthermore, he had not yet given a real answer to his mother about the Boston issue, continuing to repeat "I'm thinking about it" whenever she asked.

But he knew he would have to make a choice soon. Staying in Beacon Hills for at least another two years, returning to live with his father, Jenna and Liam, graduate with all his friends ... or leave for Boston, have a good chance of getting in one of the best colleges in the country, have the chance to make up for lost time with his mother, and forget about the boy he apparently had absolutely no chance with.

But the more Theo's rational part continued to say that the choice was not that hard to make, the more his instinct, his heart screamed the opposite.

Theo was terribly conflicted.

  
 

His only consolation at the time was the school trip. The idea of spending three days outside Beacon Hills had never seemed as tempting as it is now. He could just hope that for once everything would have gone smoothly.

  
 

*

  
 

"So do you have everything you need?"

"Yeah mom" Liam rolled his eyes fondly.

"Spare shoes, sunscreen ... extra linen?"

"Mom! Please! You’re embarrassing me!” Liam blushed, with a look around even though no one was actually paying attention, given the crowd of kids and parents and teachers gathered around the bus for last greetings, or busy loading up. "I'll be gone for three days only!"

Jenna smiled, then pulled him into a hug "Way too many"

"I'll call you every morning" Liam promised but Jenna gave him a fake glare "Every morning and every night?" Liam corrected himself.

"Much better." Jenna patted him.

Liam was still smiling when his gaze was instinctively captured by the sudden appearance of Theo's pickup. The boy just got out at that moment, locking his car and retrieving his bag from the back. Then he turned around.

Liam's breath caught as he looked at him. Theo was wearing a simple gray tank top, he had sunglasses on and a hat on backward dropped on his head, and he was smiling. Smiling at Josh who had just flung himself at him with a leap, then giving him high five grabbing him by the shoulders. Liam couldn't help but be enchanted by staring at him, because God, Theo was _gorgeous_ , and he seemed to notice it for the first time just now. And he blushed, as the memory of the dream of the week before came to his mind. Luckily his mother had been distracted by Theo and didn't notice.

"Oh there is Theo, I’ll go greeting him too, it is so much time I do not see him" she communicated cheerfully before giving Liam one last kiss on the cheek and walking away. Liam followed her with his eyes having an excuse to look back at Theo.

  
 

Until someone hit him on the shoulder making him startle. He turned to meet Mason's grin. "Dude, watch out, you’re drooling!" He teased.

"Uhh shut up!" Liam rolled his eyes, giving him a push on his shoulder, smiling unwillingly and following him to the bus, while Mason kept laughing.

  
 

They walked to the bottom where Alec and Nolan had already occupied two seats on one side and Corey one of those parallel to theirs, waiting for Mason. Liam slipped into the free one in front of them and pulled out his cell phone and headphones from his backpack, ready for the long journey to Yosemite National Park.

  
 

Then Mason tapped his shoulder. "Oi, call Theo, make him sit with us" he whispered, making him look up at the bus door from which Theo had just entered, followed by Josh who slipped next to Tracy.

Theo had taken off his glasses, which were now dangling from the collar of his shirt, and Liam could see his green eyes scan the bus for a place.

  
 

Liam opened his mouth to call him, his hand already half-raised, when someone in the middle row caught Theo's attention on him, slightly grasping a corner of his tank top.

"Hey Theo, maybe do you want to sit here? The place next to me is still free" he asked with a smile. Liam furrowed his brow, his hand coming back down, his lips closing, while Theo nodded with a smile and sat beside the boy, whom Liam vaguely recognized as one of Theo's teammates, some dude called Danny.

He was probably still frowning, when Theo turned to him, making eye contact, his eyes sliding over the empty seat next to Liam almost with a shadow of ... regret? Liam looked down quickly, concentrating on the headphones now wrapped around his fingers, and felt a flush on his face. Sure, they were friends, but Theo wasn't forced to sit with him, was he? He could sit with whoever he wanted!

"Take no notice, dude, you can't compete with an easy fuck" Corey muttered sympathetically. Mason and Liam turned to him at the same time, Mason with an alarmed look - because _God, Corey didn't know what he was saying -_ and Liam with an almost hurt one. "What?" He mumbled.

Corey shrugged. "Danny. He is gay." He replied with obviousness "Once, I caught him and Theo fucking in the bathroom at Sinema" Corey made a disgusted grimace. "It wasn't nice at all"

Liam's heart took speed as he looked back at Theo and Danny, apparently having a funny conversation. He barely felt Mason's worried eyes on himself, who at that moment refrained from punching Corey - but how could he know the damage he had just done?

All that Liam saw was Theo.

All he could _think of_ was Theo.

But unlike his dream, now he was not the one he saw in his mind clinging to Theo on a bed, but was this Danny. Or Amber. Or anyone else but him.

And Liam could hear something inside him moaning in pain just at the thought, the empty place next to him like an indelible heavy reminder of his choice.

  
 

They were supposed to be friends. But friends don't feel that way.

Friends _don’t_ look at each other, unable to look away.

Friends _don't_ feel this burning jealousy.

  
 

Liam sighed, putting his headphones on his ears and starting his music blaring, hoping that the noise would silence every other voice in his head.

  
 

*

  
 

After six hours by bus, and only one short stop for lunch, under the scorching sun and bottled up in traffic, in a vehicle obviously without air conditioning, as only view Theo and Danny who were talking happily in front of him, with Mason and Corey making out behind him as soundtrack in the background, Liam was almost ready to launch himself from the racing bus.

Fortunately a high-pitched whistle shook him, while the Coach rose from his seat in the front row, warning them with little grace to keep quiet.

“If you can stop even for a minute to fiddle with your cell phones or with the mouth of your neighbor, maybe you can watch the magnificent view outside your window. We are in one of the most beautiful parks in the country, even in the world maybe, watch it now because in the coming days there will only be walking and you will regret having taken part in this trip!"

There was a mass moan. "How far away is the hotel?" Someone asked petulantly from the bottom.

"Another moan of protest and I will make you _walk_ to the hotel with all your luggage. Now, admire the view in religious silence" And he sat down without saying anything else.

While everyone sagged in their seats, someone obeying, someone putting their headphones back to their ears, someone sharing whispers with their neighbors, Liam looked out of the window. The moment they climbed onto an elevated bridge, the view was decidedly spectacular. The park stretched for miles through the mountains, and from a distance he could see Lake Tahoe and even the immense waterfalls. Liam remembered reading that their hotel, Yosemite Lodge at the Falls, was right next to them, in the middle of the park. For the first time, he really couldn't wait to get there.

  
 

*

  
 

As everyone retrieved their luggage and gathered outside the hotel, Liam looked around stunned. Up close the view was even more magnificent, he didn't remember how long it has been since he was surrounded by so much _green_. Even the air seemed to have a different taste. His eyes fell on Theo a few feet from him, he could see him looking around and despite his sunglasses he saw his eyebrows arched, somehow struck by what he saw. Liam felt proud, he didn't even know why. It was not like it has been him who had brought the Yosemite Park to Theo, but he could not help feeling this strange light feeling in his stomach. 

Probably that place was Paradise.

  
 

A second whistle from the coach led them all to gather around him. He held up a pile of papers over his head. "Technically we should make rooms that are fair and of the same sex, but I don't see what the sense is because you will do whatever you want anyway, so ...let’s pair up, only two per room, and for God's sake, don't go back home more than we leave. Condoms are a thing, you little shits.” He whistled again as everyone laughed and began to cheer. "Now hop to it! We will make a little excursion after you have settled in and there will be a welcome bonfire tonight. Hustle!”

  
 

Everyone began to disperse as couples formed. Mason smiled at Liam and Corey. "God, I love coach!"

"I'm going to get a key before they take all the best!" Corey announced.

"We retrieve the luggage" Mason nodded.

"Let's go us too, man!" Nolan nudged Alec ahead of him.

  
 

When Mason handed him his bag, Liam slipped it over his shoulder. "What are you gonna do about the room, Li?" He asked.

Liam froze. Fuck, he hadn't thought about that. All his friends were already settled, unless ... He blushed. He couldn't ask Theo to share a room! It would have been ... weird! Especially after what had happened the last time they shared a bed. _Shit._

"Oh oh, leech at three o'clock!" Mason whispered in alarm, nodding vaguely to Theo who seemed to be looking for someone with his eyes.

Liam saw Danny calmly approaching, a triumphant smile already half-painted on his face. 

Liam pursed his lips. T _he hell that he would have gotten his way this time too!_ He thought starting to walk just as quickly towards Theo, a frown on his face.

Mason looked at him, widening his eyes and bringing a hand to his forehead.

  
 

Theo looked up at Danny when he called. "Hey T, do you already have a roommate? I thought we-"

Liam came up from behind Theo, standing almost between them. "Sorry man but Theo already has a roommate!" He snapped sourly, his expression hard. Danny looked surprised, blinked at Liam before he looked at Theo who was also looking at Liam with wide, speechless eyes. "Is that... so?" Danny asked 

Theo seemed to wake up as he looked at him with a condescending smile. "Yeah, sorry ... I had already promised my _brother_ , you know how it is..."

"Okay, whatever" Danny gave a sad shrug before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

  
 

As the silence fell between them, Liam felt himself burning. What the hell did he just do? Theo turned to look at him halfway between impressed and shocked, and the intensity of Theo's gaze if possible made him blush even more as he avoided it at any cost. "Li, what the hell ..." he said in a whisper. "Fortunately I know Danny and he is not the type to make too many questions ... but do you want everyone to get the wrong idea?"

"Sure, I imagine how much you know him!" Liam could not stop himself from saying with a huffed puff and a rolling of eyes.

Theo blew a half laugh "What?"

Liam blushed again, his heart pumping, for some reason he felt his eyes watery for the shame. Probably Theo would have preferred to sleep with that guy ... "Okay, I'm sorry, you know what?" He then stammered in panic "You don't have to share the room with me if you don't want to, you can sleep with Dennis or whatever he's called, I-I will look for another roommate! "Liam moved quickly, trying to escape, but Theo stopped him by taking his wrist. "You idiot ..." Theo rolled his eyes with a half smile, while Liam stopped, looking at him. "I don't want to sleep with Danny. Neither with anyone else ì"

Liam bit his lip, uncertain, Theo still holding his wrist, his heart still throbbing in his chest. "I don't ... think coach would agree to let you get a single room" he tried hesitantly, trying to dampen the tension. He still wasn't sure if Theo agreed or not.

Then Theo laughed, letting go his wrist and rolling his eyes again fondly. "Go get the key, you idiot." Then he turned. "I take my bag meantime"

  
 

Liam stared at him, a smile growing on his face, while the heaviness on his chest gave way to that feeling of lightness again.

  
 

"Hurry up!" Theo cried from behind. "If they get us all the best rooms, I'll let you sleep on the floor!"

Liam obeyed, shaking his head, his smile that didn't falter.

  
 

He had missed all of this. He had forgotten how good it felt to have Theo near him this way. Have him as a friend.

_Friend_. They were supposed to be friends.

But friends _don't_ make your heart beat up to your throat.

Friends _don't_ make you lose touch with reality.

Friends _don’t_ make you feel a moment as if you were crashing to the ground, the other as if you were touching the sky with a finger.

  
  
  
 

*

  
 

When everyone got their key card, the coach warned them to meet him in the lobby within an hour, and they split up.

"God, did you see this place?" Theo whispered almost struck as they crossed the immense hall towards the stairs.

"Yes, it's great" Liam grumbled in agreement. "I think it would all be perfect if there was no coach, that damned whistle and these-" Some of their mates overtook them screaming. "-fools" Liam concluded, nodding to himself.

Theo laughed "Never took you for the nature and excursions type"

"Right, excursions. I would also delete those, with my luck I would fall right away into a hole or a cliff. Just nature, sun, lake, tranquility and absolute peace "

"Tranquility? What is tranquility?” Theo joked, while another group overtook them pushing each others. Liam shook his head in amusement, his eyes sliding over the numbers engraved on the doors, while Theo's remained fixed on him. At least until Liam stopped, and Theo almost tripped over his suitcase. "We're here" Liam said almost apologetically.

"Yes ... I saw ..." Theo answered, slightly embarrassed

Liam looked at him, a smile that opened on his face. "The key?"

"The key? Uh yes, the key- ”Theo blushed slightly, distracting himself, searching for the key in his pockets. Liam smiled sweetly. Theo was strangely adorable when he blushed or was embarrassed. It almost never happened, so it was as if he felt he had to capture every moment.

  
 

Theo passed the magnetic key in the reader and the door opened. Liam looked at it with sparkling eyes "Can I keep it?"

"Absolutely not" Theo replied cheerfully as he entered first and put the bag down. "The first shower is mine!" He called, rushing towards the mini fridge and immediately taking a bottle of water. "Do you want it?"

Liam was momentarily distracted by the king bed. _Fuck_. He had to expect it. He put the suitcase next to Theo's while he sat. Theo handed him the bottle and Liam drank it hungrily. He had not noticed that he was so thirsty until then. "Don't you know that this water will cost us at least five dollars?"

"I work like a dog every week, can I enjoy a bottle of fresh water after six hours in a fucking smelly bus?"

"You got a point" He smiled. "Well I'd say we should take this shower. We just ... " he looked at the clock "37 minutes before coach comes to get us out of whistling one by one"

"I'm going"

  
 

*

  
 

The best part of the hiking was that fatigue and heat prevented you from thinking about whatever else, Liam had just found out. As they walked through the park, clothes clinging to their skin, making them crave for the coolness of their hotel room, Liam tried not to think about the fact that in a few hours he would have to share the bed with the boy he was by now helplessly in love with and that he had clearly rejected several times.

Sometimes he thought that was karma. He probably deserved all that pinning for what he had put Theo through.

  
 

From his place at the back of the group, Theo could not help staring at Liam. He wa feeling... lost? He had quit the jokes, flirts and the attempts at contact, had done what Liam asked, even if it hurt, even if the feelings continued to re-emerge in some way. 

And then Liam kept doing things like that. He had probably never seen him so abrupt and straightforward while talking to someone. And that was definitely jealousy, Theo no longer wanted to dare to be hopeful, but what else could it be?

  
 

In the end, he didn't know what to think. But he knew one thing, all that constant pinning was getting tiring.

  
 

*

  
 

Their grueling walk ended up rewarded by the wonderful view of the Yosemite Falls, which left them more tired, more wet but definitely happier as they slowly returned to the hotel, the sunset that colored all of orange around them, the excitement at the idea of the bonfire that awaited them once they returned to the hotel.

When they reached the small beach at the back of the hotel, which looked out on the lake, some hotel employees were already lighting a small bonfire. The group spread around with excited cries, and Liam, Mason, Corey, Alec, Nolan and Theo chose their own corner a few steps away. Tracy joined them a few minutes later throwing the backpack on the ground and collapsing with an exhausted sigh. "I won’t get up from here never again" she sighed.

"Where's Josh?" Theo asked, looking around. 

She shrugged. "He said he had to do something in the room."

At that moment, Nolan's brow furrowed as he noticed something. "What about Hayden?"

"She couldn’t come, her sister was injured during an arrest the other day and Hayden stayed with her" Tracy explained 

"What? It's nothing serious, is it?” Liam asked immediately.

"No" Tracy waved "Just a small ankle sprain. But they live on their own and Hayden didn't want to leave her alone for three days.”

Liam didn't ask questions even though he was now curious about her parents. Mason read his expression and approached, whispering in his ear: "Their parents are dead. A car accident three years ago"

Something painful stirred in Liam's chest "I didn't know" he just said.

The subject was closed by the timely arrival of Josh who launched himself between Tracy and Theo with a toothy smile that doesn’t bode well at all. In his hands he held a backpack, way too bulky.

"What do you have there?" Theo asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know, _fuel_ "

Everyone looked at him. Alec laughed "Oh my God, did you bring alcohol here too?"

"Obviously" Josh opened his backpack, passing a can of beer to everyone. "Take it and drink of it, all of you" he said solemnly. Everyone laughed, opening up "Cheers" Josh called, and everyone made their cans collide before drinking greedily.

"I'm going to see what’s on the house, I'm starving!" Corey said at a certain point, getting up.

"Ah, I'm coming with you," Nolan followed.

  
 

They returned shortly thereafter with plates of sausages and bread, and marshmallows for after to roast over the fire. They put them in the middle.

"God, do you think we can stay here forever?" Liam asked when everyone was stuffed.

"You know, we should set up a campsite this summer, somewhere, all together. It would be so cool!" Mason suggested at some point, his eyes brightening.

Everyone followed him with choruses of assent. "Yes, let's do that!" Nolan shouted, while Theo lowered his eyes to his crossed legs. He couldn't help thinking that maybe this summer he wouldn't be there with all of them ... "T, what is up?" Josh asked, noticing his expression.

Theo looked up at him. "Nothing, I was ... just thinking," he said with a shrug.

"About what?" Josh asked. 

Theo's gaze slid over everyone, their eyes were all on him now . He shifted uncomfortably. He had not yet talked about this to anyone except Liam, who seemed to have understood what was on his mind, given the sad expression he gave him.

Theo sighed "I don't know if yo’re aware, but ... my mother kind of reappeared a few months ago, after _years_ , and I decided to try to make an attempt with her ... so I moved to her house"

Nolan and Alec were the only ones who looked at him surprised, the only ones who still didn't know. Liam didn't remember telling Corey but Mason probably did. And also Tracy must have known it from Josh.

"So ... is that why you and Liam stopped spending time together?" Alec asked naively, taking the two off guard. "I thought you had some kind of fight."

Liam and Theo shared an embarrassed look. "Actually ... Liam didn't agree. He didn't think she deserved trust, so we argued... now it's ... okay, I guess... " Theo promptly invented. He saw Tracy raise a skeptical eyebrow, but didn't comment.

Liam blushed uncomfortably. He didn't like to keep lying, above all to their friends, but ... what else could they do?

"Actually ... my mother is about to move to Boston and asked me to go with her."

A stunned silence followed his words. "What?" Tracy asked astonished.

"How long?" Josh asked, puzzled, though he probably already knew the answer

"For good, Josh" Theo sighed. "We should be leaving later this month."

"What?" Josh blurted out "Dude, but - there are vacations, and graduation, and we have that stupid trip planned kinda since we were ten!"

Liam felt a pang of pain listening in silence. He didn't know why, but he felt somehow guilty.

"I know, I- I haven't decided yet, I don't know if I'll go with her or not ... I'm still thinking about it"

"And what about your dad? Do you want to leave him like this? For your _mother_?"

"It's not- It's not just this- there is something else-" Theo let it slip out. Everyone was following their heated words exchange with wide eyes, as in a weird tennis game.

"And what can be more important than your father?"

"Nothing! But there's college, and my mother, and-" Theo suddenly shut up, and Liam finally looked at him. His heart sped up. He knew what Theo was going to say, he knew he was one of the reasons Theo wanted to leave. But it still hurt to hear about it.

"And what?"

"Josh, that's enough" Tracy stepping in softly, reading the situation. "I think it's a choice for Theo, and he hasn't decided yet, isn't he? Isn't it something we should discuss now, don't you think?"

Josh seemed to be about protesting, but then his shoulders sagged in defeat. "Okay, okay," he sighed. "Sorry" He picked up his can and drank it all at one gulp. Then he stood up. "I'm going to take a bath, who's coming?"

Everyone welcomed the idea positively and stood up.

"Shall we go Li?" Corey called him.

"Yes .. yes" Liam hastened to imitate them, then he looked at Theo who had stayed seated. "Aren't you coming?" He asked hesitantly.

"I’ll pass, I don't feel like it now." He had a smile on his lips, but Liam knew it was obviously fake.

"Are you OK? I can stay here if-"

"Don't worry, go, I'd rather be alone now." Theo looked away, focusing on the fire in front of him and bringing his knees to his chest.

"Okay" Liam said finally, defeated. He had taken a step when he turned to say something else, but then changed his mind and joined the others.

  
 

*

  
  
  
 

While they were going upstairs later that night, Liam was tempted to ask Mason and Corey if he could sleep with them, and he held back only because it would be very hard to explain.

While they were in the shadows of the room, Liam could somehow already feel the tension, suffocating and overwhelming. He didn't know what to say, so he looked at Theo as he sat on his side of the bed, fumbling with his cell phone to connect it to the charger.

"Do you want to take the first shower this time?" Theo asked him suddenly.

"Um?"

"You stink like a wet dog, you know?" Theo joked.

Liam pouted. "Oh shut up" Theo laughed as he grabbed the bag and pulled out linens and pajamas. "I'll be quick" he just muttered.

"Take your time" Theo said with a grin, lying on the bed with his hands clasped behind his head. Liam gave him only one glare before he shut himself in the bathroom.

  
 

When Liam came out, Theo took his place, and Liam sat on his side of the bed, waiting, he didn't even know what. He texted his mother good night, then turned off the phone.

He realized how tense his body was, only when he heard the key turn in the bathroom lock and Theo came out. His breath caught in his throat as he admired Theo, his bare feet in his soft-looking pajamas, his long hair falling over his forehead. He seemed strangely vulnerable. Not that he had never seen him like this before - far from it -  But it had been months since he had seen Theo in his pajamas, he seemed stupid perhaps, but it was one of the things that reminded him that Theo no longer lived with them.

Theo climbed to his side, sinking his head into the pillow and staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes, Liam followed suit.

_Fuck_ , this was so damn embarrassing.

"Well, good night, I guess" Theo whispered at one point in the dark, a slight sarcastic hint in his voice.

Liam swallowed. "Y-yeah, g-good night" He shifted, pulling his sheets up to his chin and turning on his side with his back to Theo. He felt he was right on the edge of the bed, probably if he moved in his sleep he would be surely fallen.

  
 

He thought he heard Theo sigh at one point, before hearing the sound of loose sheets again. Even Theo must have turned on his side. That small space between them felt like a chasm now.

  
 

"Don't snore, please" Theo's voice said suddenly, breaking the silence. The way the tension broke was almost painful.

Liam groaned "Oh shut up, asshole, I _don't_ snore!"

  
 

*

  
 

That night Liam did not sleep well at all, and probably for Theo it was the same, if his dull and sleepy face in the morning was of any indication. He could not tell if it was because of his thoughts, because of the bed that was not his or simply because of the coach who at 7 am started _beating_ on all the doors of the hallway whistling and shouting that _it was time to get up, lazy asses_. While with a groan he covered his head with the pillow, Liam swore he heard the voice of someone who was definitely not one of their classmates, shouting to the coach to go drowning himself in the lake, he and his whistle. 

Liam couldn't say he didn't agree.

  
 

Theo stood up like a zombie slipping into the bathroom, swearing between his teeth, and Liam took off his pillow and sat down. He usually needed at least twenty minutes of contemplation of the ceiling in his bed before waking up completely, but yet another blow to the door told him he didn't have all that time. He got up, snorting and started to dress, putting on the first things that happened to him. He was pulling his shirt on his head when Theo came out of the bathroom.

  
 

Theo couldn't help staring at the other's exposed skin, which disappeared covered by the fabric way too soon for his taste. He looked away and distracted himself by taking his clothes out of the bag. He took off his pajama shirt, his back to Liam, very slowly. Aware of Liam's gaze on him. It was something that kept giving him chills down his spine, the idea of Liam's eyes on him.

When Theo took off his pants too, Liam swallowed, deciding it was time to go to the bathroom. He shut himself in, and Theo couldn't help smiling to himself. While he was rinsing his face and brushing his teeth, Liam couldn't help but wonder how long he could bear all this.

  
 

When they went down for breakfast, they found the others already at their table. "Good morning!" Mason said cheerfully.

"It’s not" Theo just said as he served three croissants.

  
 

The coach whistled again and Theo visibly clenched his jaw “Listen to me, everybody, on this map is marked the path that you will have to follow up to a meeting point. This means no shortcuts, no detours, nothing off the track, unless you want to get lost and spend the night in the woods or be eaten by bears"

"There are no bears here, coach" someone pointed out to him.

"That's not the point" he said shortly. The coach put the papers on the table so that they could take them. "Not more than four per group! Each group will also have a different path, and as you go, you will have to sort through what you see, plants, animals ... whatever you like. The group that will arrive first at the finish line with a card worthy of this name, will have extra credits in Biology, so you better work hard."

  
 

"Great" Theo mumbled "Please, let's go before the coach starts whistling again"

"T, let's team up? As good old times? What do you say?" Josh called him, reaching out to get one of the maps that Alec handed him.

"As you say"

"Well, Tracy, you sort through!"

Tracy rolled her eyes, taking the map Josh handed him. "We will get lost for sure" she just said.

"Mason, Corey, are you coming with us?" Nolan asked 

"Why not" Corey said with a shrug.

"Uh wait- though-" Mason looked at Liam. He cursed internally. Why was he always the one who was left out?

"Liam is with us," Theo said . "Right?"

Liam couldn't help but smile at him. "Yes, okay"

"Great, Liam sorts through" Tracy shouted, standing up and throwing the map in front of him as she passed. Liam grabbed it panicking "What ?! I don't even know what the difference between a bear and a mountain lion is!"

"Easy” Theo shrugged his shoulders “If you see a bear, run. If you see a mountain lion, run as well. Let's go" And pulled him up from one sleeve of his jacket. "See you at the finish line" Theo winked at the others defiantly.

"We'll see about that!" Mason replied with a grin. "Come on, I refuse to lose against Josh and Theo"

  
 

*

  
 

"What is this plant?"

"It looks like crabgrass to me"

"Do I write crabgrass?"

"What the fuck do I know, Li"

"Oh my god" Tracy groaned, pushing forward and tearing the paper out of Liam and Theo’s hand who were arguing about it. "You know nothing at all."

"You mean you know what this plant is?" Josh asked, stunned, lifting a stick.

Tracy raised an eyebrow. "That's nettle"

Josh dropped it immediately. "Fuck!"

"I was kidding"

Theo laughed as Tracy pulled out her cell phone. "Just do a research about flora and fauna in Yosemite Park and you're done, you idiots."

Liam pulled out his cell phone. "There is no even signals here, we are in the middle of nowhere"

Tracy rolled her eyes "That’s way I did the research in the hotel as soon as the coach said"

"Oh my god, I love you" Josh exulted. 

“Shut up” Tracy glared at him, but a faint blush colored her cheeks as she passed the phone to Liam. "Just copy it" she muttered sharply.

  
 

"Well now that the work is done, we can have fun" Josh said with a smile, turning the map over in his hands.

"How are you supposed to have fun if we're in the middle of nowhere?" asked Theo.

"Winning the challenge, of course. Look here, there's a shortcut to the meeting point"

"The coach clearly said not to take shortcuts" Liam reminded him deadpan.

"That's why we have to take it."

"I prefer to follow the path" Liam protested.

"Don't be a buzzkill, Dunbar."

"I'm not preventing you from going there if you want."

"Okay, stop it, I think Liam is right." Theo broke in. "Will there be a reason if coach said no?"

"Oh my god, he's infecting you" Josh moaned, amused.

"Fuck you Josh"

"Okay, then, what do you say if we make an internal challenge? I go for the shortcut and you for the boring path and we see who gets there first” Josh proposed spreading his arms.

"Are you serious? And besides we have only one map!" Liam burst out exasperated.

Tracy rolled her eyes. "You're really stupid." He took the map out of Josh's hands, and snapped a picture of it. "Was that so hard?" She huffed giving Liam back the map

"She's so smart," Josh sighed. "So does that mean you will come with me?"

"I have to, if I leave you alone you would probably run toward a bear at the first chance"

"Ah-ah there are no bears here" he reminded her.

"Shut up, or I'll throw you down the first clift we run into"

"There's so much love in the air..." Liam huffed.

"Shut up," the two of them said in chorus as Theo laughed

  
 

*

  
 

Only when Tracy and Josh took the shortcut and disappeared into the branches, Liam actually realize that like this he and Theo were left alone. They had resumed walking, following the path in silence, until Theo had skipped a small pit "casually" forgetting to warn Liam, busy reading the map, who ended up falling inside of it. And there they had begun to laugh and bickering and somehow the embarrassment had disappeared, and everything seemed to have returned as before.

"I didn't think you were serious when you talked about falling into a hole" Theo said, still laughing after half an hour.

Liam groaned. It was still covered in dirt and dry leaves "How long will you laugh?"

"I don't know, it was a pretty epic fall" Theo answered

"Fuck you"

Theo laughed again, looking around. The trees were thinning and he could hear the sound of water. "Are we near the lake?" He asked with a frown.

Liam looked back at the map. "Yeah, but I don't think we'll see it. It's not along the path"

"Come on, let's take a break, it's also lunch time"

"Now are you the one who wants to go off track?

"It's just ... a little detour" Theo said with a grin. 

Liam rolled his eyes, still smiling. "Okay, let's go."

  
 

The shore wasn't that far away, probably just half a mile. When the trees disappeared, they had the full view of the lake. A little further down you could see a small pier that went up the lake. "Let's go there!" Theo said and left before Liam could answer

"Uh? Ah - hey - wait for me, Theo!"

  
 

When they reached the beginning of the pier, Theo dropped his backpack on the beach and started walking toward the water. Liam imitated him until they reached the end, only the crystal water in front of them.

  
 

"Woh, it's amazing" Liam whispered, mesmerized by the view.

"Yes, it really is."

Liam's gaze shifted back to the crystal clear water, he hadn't had a chance to realize it that night when they had bathed in the dark. "Even the water looks so great"

"Do you want to take a closer look?"

"What?" Liam took a second too long to understand. Theo had already put his hands on his back, pushing him hard straight into the lake. He didn't even have time to shout that he found himself crashing against the water surface.

  
 

Theo laughed aloud as Liam fell like a sack of potatoes for the second time that day.

But it took Liam a little too much to come back up, and when he did, he waved his hands, barely putting his head out, trying to speak as the water came into his mouth. "The - I- an’t- s-im!"

_What?_ The smile faded from Theo's face at lightning speed, as the panic rose and jumped into the water beside Liam without thinking twice. "Hold on to me" he shouted flustered as he grabbed Liam’s waist

  
 

In response Liam put his hands on Theo's head, pushing him under water. As he went down, he barely heard Liam laugh. When he let go, he resurfaced, taking a deep breath and looked at him in shock. "What the fuck-"

"That’ll teach you, asshole!" Liam laughed as he easily floated.

Theo couldn't believe his eyes. "You're such a bastard" he laughed reluctantly, splashing him with his hands. Laughing as he turned his head to protect his eyes, Liam splashed him back, and they continued to play like two kids chasing each other and pushing themselves under water for what seemed like an eternity.

"Let's see if you still be so smug now!" Theo shouted as he grabbed him for the umpteenth time. This time his fingers moved on his hips, starting to tickle him. Liam emitted an undignified squawk, as he began to squirm in his hands "This is not fair!" He panted, half laughing.

"That’s rich coming for you, you little asshole!"

He continued to tickle him mercilessly, to the point that Liam lost his balance swallowing large mouthfuls of water. At some point, in an attempt to stay afloat, Liam clinged to Theo’s shoulders girding them, _hard._ Instinctively, Theo's hands stopped moving and tightened around his waist, pulling him close to his body. They stayed like this, panting in an attempt to catch their breath, drops of water that slipped on their faces and necks, running back into the lake.

Liam slid his hands until his palms rested on the other's shoulders, and he stared into Theo's eyes, which looked at him back, almost uncertain. For a moment he thought that the crystal water was nothing compared to the color of his eyes. He shivered imperceptibly, and was not sure if it was from the cold. He could feel Theo's hands burning on his waist despite the water and the fabric of the clothes he was wearing that weighed on him. His heart was beating fast, and his mind stopped thinking. At that moment there was Theo, and he was _so_ close. Yet Liam felt that he was _not enough_ close.

  
 

He realized that he had leaned almost imperceptibly with his face towards Theo's only when Theo shifted slightly back, his hands loosening his grip on him.

"I ..." Theo whispered almost overwhelmed, trying to force a normal tone "I think we should ... start walking again ... if we want to beat Josh..."

Liam felt the disappointment hit him like a wave, when Theo left him go completely, pushing away a little. "Yes .. yeah ... you're right" he mumbled in response. "We should go"

  
 

Theo turned, swimming toward the shore, and Liam followed him from behind, staring intently at his neck, his shoulders flexing as he swam. He swallowed. He was going to _kiss_ him. To kiss _Theo_. If Theo hadn't pulled back, he would surely have done it. When had he become so pushy? When did he stop thinking about 'ifs' and 'buts'? When Theo started to become all that he could see?

  
 

They were supposed to be friends.

But friends _don't_ know what your lips taste like.

Friends _don’t_ take your breath away. Friends are _not_ the center of your every thought.

Friends _don't_ make you wavering inside, they don't shake you right into the guts

  
 

*

  
 

When they reached the meeting point, the sun was setting and most of their classmates were already there.

"Dunbar, Raeken, you have just been beaten by Greenberg, this should make you understand the gravity of the situation" the coach just said, while Theo handed him back their completed card. "And where the hell are Diaz and Stewart?" He shouted to no one in particular.

  
 

"You did it," Mason greeted them with a grin as they stood beside him. His face turned confused  "Why are you wet?"

"Theo fell into the water"

"Liam fell into a hole"

  
 

Tracy and Josh were the last to get there, and it was almost already dark. Fortunately they should not have walked back to the hotel. There was a small bus waiting for them, and Theo couldn't wait to lock himself in the room and take a good shower. Apparently Josh was of the same opinion. When he approached them, his face dark, it was impossible not to notice that he was covered in mud from head to toe.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Theo asked, his eyes wide open, barely holding back a laugh. Tracy at his side didn't bother to hold it back. "The map forgot to report a swamp"

Everyone laughed except Josh "It's not funny, assholes!"

  
 

*

  
  
 

  
 

When they had washed away all the dirt and sweat, Liam and Theo lay next to each other on the bed. Liam had the phone in his hand, the chat with Mason still open.

He glanced at Theo and cleared his throat. "The others are on the beach, do we reach them?"

"I don't think I can get out of bed." Theo replied looking at him. "I think I'll stay here and watch a movie or something."

"Okay" Liam settled himself more comfortably on the bed and Theo looked at him curiously. "You can go if you want. I'll let you take the key card if you swear you won't lose it in some hole"

" Shut up "Liam rolled his eyes at the umpteenth not so veiled reference to his having fallen into a hole "I don't want to go out too, and then it’s been a while since the last time I watched a movie in peace” he said with a shrug.

"Okay," Theo said slowly. "Netflix?"

"Netflix"

*

  
 

In the end, they started for the umpteenth time one of their most frequent marathons, the Final Destination saga. For some reason, Theo found those movies extremely amusing, Liam thought they were creeping, but if Theo was happy, it turned out it was enough. So he found himself slipping closer and closer to Theo whenever a gruesome death approached, and by the end of the second film they were practically shoulder to shoulder, packets of chips and junk food from the minifridge scattered on the bed.

He literally jumped on the spot when a barbell - who knows how - smashed the head of one of the characters. Theo laughed, shaking his head. "I know you hate these movies, yet you still want to watch them"

"You like them" Liam just said

"I like to see _you_ shitting yourself out at every scene" Theo corrected him with a grin.

"You're an asshole" Liam decreed, reaching out for a chips.

"I know" Theo laughed, taking a sip of cola.

  
 

They fell again in a pleasant silence, and Liam turned slightly to look at Theo in the half-light, his hands immersed in a bundle of chips, the TV lights reflecting on his face giving him an almost ethereal look. 

He bit his lips slightly. "Look ..." he said then, immediately regretting it. But now he had to talk, Theo had already turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow, waiting. "You ... about Boston ..."

Theo's body tensed at the mention of the city. "If you want to ask me if I've decided something, the answer is still no, my mom keeps asking and I keep telling her that I don't know yet" Theo said wearily.

Liam continued to torture his lip. What he wanted to ask was actually something else. But he didn't really know if he was ready for the answer. He moved sitting upright and turning to Theo. He took a breath. "What I meant ... Here, I know it's a great chance for you, with college ... and Harvard ... and with your mother ... I can understand that it's an amazing thing, and you should probably go there if it's that what you _really_ want ... but-"

"But?" Theo urged him

"Among the reasons why you're really considering Boston ... " Liam looked at him with his heart that throbbed painfully in his chest " ... Am I here too?” He spat out at the end. Theo looked at him taken aback. He also felt his heart sped up. "Do you want to go away because of me? I feel like I've kicked you out of your house somehow, I don't want to be the reason why you have to leave the town too, Theo.”

  
 

Theo felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest, watching the distressed and worried expression on Liam’s face. He swallowed. That he wanted to catch up with his mother, tat he aimed at Harvard ... they were only marginal reasons, the real reason was that he wanted to give Liam space. Because he didn't trust himself when he was with Liam, because he knew he couldn't give him what he wanted. Because he knew he could never forget and move on. He knew he would always have wanted _more_. 

His expression softened "No it's not because of you, Li" It wasn't even a real lie. It wasn't _because of_ Liam, it was _for_ Liam. "And you didn't kick me out of the house, you idiot, stop taking the blame for something that’s not yours, it was my choice, because I thought it was the best thing for both of us at the moment. And it worked, didn't it?” Theo asked, his voice tilting, looking at Liam as if seeking confirmation. Theo forced a smile. "Everything has settled down, we're friends, right? No one has found out anything and everything is as you wanted.” There was no anger in Theo's tone, but Liam still felt a wave of burning pain at heart level. 

He forced a smile in turn. "Yes ... right ... we’re friends. It's everything alright" he muttered trying to sound convinced.

  
 

He didn't know how it actually sounded, but he certainly _wasn't_ convinced.

  
 

*

  
 

On the last day there was a long hike to the Glacier Point viewpoint from which could be admired the entire view of the park, before leaving for Beacon Hills immediately after lunch. Liam thought that by now he should have been used to those walks but he had to change his mind. Since it was a viewpoint, he expected it to be high, but not _so_ high.

  
 

As everyone looked out from the parapet, a breathtaking view before them, Liam felt himself dying.

"Should I have said before that I'm afraid of heights?"

"Before climb up to 2000 meters high? Most likely yes" Alec commented 

Liam turned pale "Are we so high? _Fuck_ ”

Theo looked at him seriously. "I promise you I won't push you down this time"

"Thanks for your consideration"

Theo stood behind him, guiding him closer to the railing. "Theo, wha- No, I won't get close to that thing!"

"Come on, you won't fall down! It's safe!” Theo protested, keeping pushing him.

"You shouldn't have let me watch Final Destination all night!!" Liam cried "Now I can imagine a thousand different ways I can die here" Theo rolled his eyes as he stopped him in front of the parapet. He stood beside him, only to see that Liam had shut tight his eyes. He tapped him. "Don't be an idiot, just look, there's an amazing view from here." Liam didn't move "Come on, Liam!" He sighed, barely holding back a smile. He put his arm on his shoulders. "Open your eyes, I'll got you anyway, you know? Or maybe you don't trust me?”

Liam turned to Theo and opened his eyes slowly. He put on a fake pout "Of course I trust you" he murmured, blushing. Theo smiled "Then look"

  
 

Liam finally obeyed, and yes it was so damn wonderful, but the feeling of peace, of wonder and amazement, mixed with the sense of dizziness were nothing compared to the ones Theo made him feel every day.

  
 

"What do you think?" Theo asked , still with his arm on Liam’s shoulders.

"I think it could really be Paradise."

  
 

Behind it, he could hear someone taking a picture of them, and he already knew that it could only be Mason. And he loved him even more for that.

  
 

*

  
 

The next day when Mason sent him the photos, he discovered that he had made more than one. Their backs were close together, Theo clutching Liam from the shoulders, the view of the park below them. In another photo they were looking at each other, Liam was pouting, before Theo convinced him to turn around. And then there was another one, which portrayed Liam and Theo on the bus on the return journey, peacefully sleeping on each other's shoulders. Mason had enclosed a text too.

"Friends?"

Liam's heart skipped a beat. Nothing seemed so damn wrong like that word now.

  
 

They were supposed to be friends.

But friends _don't_ feel the sparks when they look at each other.

Friends _don't_ make you wish to be better

Friends _don't_ crave for being _more_.

  
 

TO BE CONTINUED

  
 


	19. If I could go back in time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter to make it up for the wait! 
> 
> PS. At some point they're talking about some Biology notion, sorry if I made mistake but I'm not all that up on that

"How long exactly do you plan on sitting around moping?"

Liam didn't even turn to Mason this time, it was at least a week that his friend was asking him the exact same question.

"I'm not moping" And Liam putting down with a snort the phone he was holding high over his head as he lay on his bed, gave him the same answer he had given him for as long.

Mason rolled his eyes leaning forward in the swivel chair "You see, even the Theo in that photo that you have been staring at for a week will soon roll his eyes and come out of the screen to beat you"

Liam finally turned to look at him bewildered. "That doesn't make any sense"

" _You_ don't make any sense" Mason sighed heavily. "How long will you keep living in denial?"

Liam sat up and gave Mason a stinging look. "I don't live in denial"

"Ah no?" Mason asked, raising an eyebrow in a skeptical tone that would have gotten anyone's goat. But Liam was just fucking tired by now.

So he sighed in turn. "Okay, I like Theo, is that what you want me to say?" He then blurted out spreading his arms and looking at Mason in a 'are you happy now?' way. He ran a hand through his hair "Damn, I could even say that I'm in love with him, I love him, I want to be with him, I want to kiss him, and I want to-"

"Okay stop" Mason stopped him raising a hand

Liam looked at him unimpressed "I was about to say that I want to hold him"

"Your dreams tell another story" Mason shot him a grin, and Liam snorted pulling his pillow against him but laughing grudgingly. Mason caught it in the air, then using it as a support for his arms.

"That's not the point anyway, I _don't_ live in denial," Liam said in an obvious tone.

"Yes, if it's not Theo the one you’re saying these things to"

"I- we- we've already talked about this, I just _can't_ " he stammered suddenly uncomfortable. "It's not that easy"

"You're the one here complicating an easy thing. You said even your mother told you to do what makes you happy, remember?"

"She _didn't know_ what I was talking about. If she had known ... "

"She would have told you the same thing, because she loves you, and she wants you to be happy, because I know her and she is the best person in the world, and you should know it better than anyone else" Mason pointed out calmly

Liam fell silent, remaining motionless to look at Mason unsure. He swallowed and finally sighed, throwing himself back on the bed. "I don't know what to do" he whimpered, looking at the ceiling for an answer that was nowhere to be found.

"You don’t know or are you just afraid of knowing it all too well?" Mason softened a little.

Or maybe Liam had somehow already the answer.

Liam gave him a dirty look. "I hate you when you're right"

"Wow, so you _always_ hate me"

"That's right"

  
 

*

  
 

"No way" Liam groaned as Mrs Finch laid the last test of the year on his desk, a flashy red D standing out next to his name.

"You need to make up for this grade, Liam, if you hope to pass the course this year," she told him, looking at him sternly. "Stop in the classroom after class so we can discuss your chances."

Liam buried his face in his arms as she stepped away. He was almost sure he was fucked by now.

  
 

Apparently, his "chances" of passing the Biology course all lay in a stupid essay that he had to deliver _within a week_ on the Mendelian Genetics, and he was now really sure he was fucked, because if the result was a D after eight months , he did not see how things could change in seven days. He sighed afflicted as he walked down the hallway, resigning himself to the idea of spending the summer attending supplementary lessons of the subject he liked the least.

  
 

He spotted Theo as soon as he turned the corner. The boy was so busy pulling books out of his locker quickly that he didn't notice him until Liam was next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Theo visibly jumped and all the books he held in his hand fell to the ground noisily.

"Fuck" "Shit" they both swore between their teeth as they bent down simultaneously. "Woh, did you want to kill me, Li?" Theo snorted, quickly stacking the books.

Liam looked at him guilty, grabbing a couple of them "Sorry"

Theo looked at him with a small smile, taking the books that Liam was holding out to him hesitantly. "I was joking. I was ... just distracted"

Liam snorted a laugh "You seemed way too focused to me"

"Yeah .." Theo rolled his eyes "It's because of coach, he's on us for the final game, and now he wants us in the field half an hour earlier than usual." He looked at his watch."And I'm already late. I'm going to be murdered” he decreed.

"This would not be of any help for your chances of winning" Liam pointed out with a smile, as Theo returned to his feet, stuffing his books into his bag and laughing.

Liam followed suit. "I'm not sure, I don't feel in my best shape, and the game the day after the prom isn't exactly the first thing I would have hoped for"

"Shit, is the game this weekend too?" Liam joined Theo as he walked briskly fast to the locker rooms.

"Yeah, it's Saturday."

Liam looked away almost dreamily. "I can't believe it's almost over" he murmured weakly.

Theo looked at him. "Yes, we did it for another year," he agreed, but there was something kinda off in his tone.

"Well not all of us" Theo suddenly looked at him puzzled. "I think I'll fail in biology" Liam admitted with a grimace

"What?" Theo asked bewildered.

Liam sighed. "I got a D in the final test"

"Wha-? Why? You never went so bad. What happened?” Theo asked, frowning

It was true. He had never been an ace in Biology, but he had always made it through with Cs and some Bs. Well maybe the problem now was that he spent too much time thinking about Theo's biology rather than focusing on the study.

"Things have gotten more complicated" Liam muttered in reply. "And now I have to do this endless essay on Mendel's Genetics as if I had any chance of improving my grades in a week." Liam rolled his eyes.

"I may help you." Theo spoke before he knew it. _Shit_. He bit his lip, staring at the boy in front of him.

And Liam looked at him with big eyes, kinda full of hope. "Really? Would you do that?”

Nobody could have resisted Liam's eyes, and Theo didn't even want to try. "Y-yeah- well if you want ... I'm good at biology" Theo said, a smirk that formed on his lips.

"How good?"

"I got an A- in the final test"

Liam's eyes widened "God, you're hired" he blew out.

The smile on Theo's lips widened. "Does that mean you’re gonna pay me?" He teased

"If you help me with Biology, I'll offer you the best pepperoni pizza you've ever eaten," Liam promised eagerly

"It's not fair, you know my weak spot" Theo muttered with feigned indignation.

Liam laughed "So, are you in?"

Theo looked at him for a moment before answering "I'm in." He looked at his watch again. "I have to run away now, or I won't be alive enough to help you." Theo quickened his pace, turning and walking backwards as he kept looking at Liam. "Is it okay for you tomorrow afternoon at my place?"

Liam paused as he watched Theo walk away. "Ye-yeah, it's perfect" His heart was already beating fast in anticipation. The situation did not improve when Theo shot him a bright smile, before turning and running away.

He put his hand on his chest listening to the frenetic beating of his heart, wondering if it was biologically possible to feel that way for someone who didn't even belong to him.

  
  
 

  
 

*

  
 

When Theo got back home that night, the first thing he noticed was his father's car in the driveway. He opened the front door with his key, and almost tripped over one of the boxes that loomed over the entrance. He swallowed.

The idea of the moving had not seemed so real to him as in those last days, when his mother had begun to pack the non-essential things to send them to Boston. There were only two weeks to go and he had not yet given his mother a precise answer. And speaking of this ...

"This was not the deal!" He heard his father's voice screaming from the kitchen. "I let him stay with you with the agreement that it was _temporary_ , and now you come to tell me that you want to take him with you to the other side of the country?"

"It's not that I'm forcing him in any way, Paul , I simply made an offer, and I think that Theo is adult enough to make this decision alone" she replied in an apparently calm tone

"He's seventeen, he's _not_ old enough, you can't get out of nowhere and upset his life like this! He has plenty of time to think about college, and he will do it without constraints of any kind."

"I'm not forcing him! If there's anyone here holding him back, it's just you ... again!" His mother's voice rose and Theo clearly heard the squeal of the chair as she stood up quickly.

"What the hell do you mean? Don't try to put all the blame for what happened in the past on me now! The main reason we're here now, is you"

"Why do we always come back to this? We were talking about Theo-" she snapped with a heavy sigh

"What the hell is going on here?"

Theo went into the kitchen, his eyes swinging rapidly alarmed between his parents. He put the keys on the kitchen counter without ceasing to look at them.

"Theo, darling, I didn't know you were at home," his mother sighed, the shadow of guilt not well hidden in his voice.

Theo crossed his arms over his chest. "I just got back" He then turned to his father who was looking at him hard. "I'm sorry, Dad, if I didn't talk you about it before, but I didn't do it because I haven't decided _yet_ , so there's no reason to argue about it! And even if I did, that’s just my choice!"

Paul took a step toward him, and Theo finally noticed his frowning, slightly sweaty face, his voice trembling slightly with nervousness. "I don't understand why you're even considering it! You have never been interested in going to a prestigious college, you weren't even sure you _wanted_ to go to college! Why this sudden change? Aren't you happy here? Or is it because of me? Don't you want to come back to live with me ?! Would you rather stay with your mother now ?!"

  
 

Theo snorted angrily. "This has nothing to do with you two, it's just about me! I'm so damn sick that everything I do always ends up becoming an issue for everyone! It's _my_ life, and maybe I don't want to spend it here anymore, have you thought about it ?! Maybe I'm sick of this damn town, and I'm sick of these damn people! Maybe I'm not the idiot you all believe I am, and I really want to go to college! Maybe I just want to clear everything and start my life all over again! Or do you think you're the only one who has the right to do that?!"

Paul gave a skeptical snort "You're seventeen, you're just a kid, what do you want to know about life?"

Theo's mind went blank. The words were out before he could even think about it. "What do I know about life?" He whispered with anger and iciness. "Absolutely nothing, since I've known just the fucked-up version of life ever since I was a kid. And guess who's to blame?"

"Theo-" his mother blew out almost shocked.

Paul paled, and stepped back as if he had been hit. His breathing suddenly became heavy and frantic and he put his hand to his chest, swaying slightly and clinging to a chair. All of Theo's anger vanished suddenly replaced by guilt as his mother approached Paul in alarm. "Paul? God, your heart ... are you taking your meds?” She whispered in terror.

Paul let himself be guided in the chair. "I'm fine," he sighed wearily. "It was just a low blood pressure."

"Do you want me to call you a doctor?"

"No, there's no need, I'm fine" he insisted.

His mother looked at Theo, motionless before them. Theo swallowed, something writhing painfully in his stomach. "I'm sorry," he just said, before turning and running to his room.

  
 

While lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, Theo couldn't help feeling guilty. But it wasn't the kind of guilt that made you feel like you had a lump on your stomach. He just felt empty. Dried up. Alone. As if something were eating him alive.

Why everything he did seem to hurt the people he cared about? Why couldn't everything go smooth for once?

_Ever since I was a kid I've only known the fuckin up version of life, and guess who's to blame?_

He swallowed as he remembered his own words as he saw again the expression of his father as if he still had it in front of him, etched forever in his eyes. He didn't _really_ think that. His father had always done everything for him, and it was certainly not his fault that the only defense mechanism that Theo had learned to use was to push everyone away.

  
 

A knock on the door startled him and he sat up when it opened. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Paul peep hesitantly. He spoke quickly without even thinking, "Dad, I'm sorry for what I said, I ... I don't really think that."

"I know," Paul said slowly, taking a few steps in. "I know."

"I was just angry, and I say stupid things when I'm angry." Theo feverishly went on. Paul raised a hand to stop him, his lips tilted in an attempt to smile. "Theo, I know, remember? I've known you all my life.” Theo fell silent, his heart still beating like crazy, looking at his father who sat with a tired sigh on the bed beside him. "I know that sometimes I was not the best of fathers, but I love you, and I never wanted to hold you back or hinder you or ..."

"You never did" Theo said hastily. "Actually, sometimes I wanted you to do it. That you pulled me up by my ears and told me to stop being an idiot"

Paul looked at him softly, and Theo could almost swear to see a shadow of pride pass into his eyes. "You are growing to become an amazing man I am so very proud of, you need to know this. I trust you, and I know you can handle anything, but you also need to remember that I am your father, and you have been with me all your life. Do you understand that it's hard for me to let you go?”

Theo looked down at his lap, blushing. "I know, but I'll never really go anywhere. And a very smart person once told me that leaving does not mean forgetting"

"They must be a really amazing person" Paul smiled.

"Yeah" Theo smiled back.

"I'm sorry if I yelled at you" Paul then sighed, ruffling his hair

"I'm sorry I almost gave you a heart attack" Theo mumbled with slight sarcasm in his voice. Paul snorted half a laugh and pulled him by the shoulders, hugging him.

"I love you anyway" Theo buried his nose in his father's shoulder, closing his eyes and inspiring the smell of home. "I love you too, Dad"  
 

*

  
 

When the bell rang at the end of the class, Liam came out of his classroom impatiently.

He would spend the afternoon with Theo, and even if they would only see each other to study, he couldn't stop smiling at the thought. Theo had sent him a text that morning telling him that he would wait for him in the parking lot. And the word ‘date’ couldn’t stop swimming in Liam's head, making him feel tense and excited at the same time. And certainly Mason's mischievous comments hadn't helped at all during the day.

  
 

Theo was waiting for Liam leaning against the door of his pickup, trying to convince himself that it wasn't important. He would only help a friend study, nothing more, yet he couldn't stop fidgeting and tormenting himself with the idea of being with Liam all afternoon, _alone_ , in his room. The mere idea was enough to drive him crazy. And when Liam stepped in his field of vision, as he nervously approached the truck, his heart speeded up and he couldn't help but smile like an idiot. Not that Liam was much better.

  
 

"Are you ready to go?"

"Okay ... I mean- yes, ready ... very ready" Liam stammered, flustered "Shall we go?" He cut himself short, to avoid making a fool of himself even more, while a smirk started drawing on Theo's lips.

"Let's go"

The drive to Theo's home was quiet, peaceful. Theo leaned toward the radio, turning it on, letting a light music fill the car, and occasionally humming the songs he knew. Liam couldn't help looking at him, somehow admired, until Theo snorted a laugh, turning to him briefly before returning to the road. "What is up?"

"No- nothing, at all," Liam replied, blushing and looking back at the road. "It's just that you really have a nice voice, you know?"

"Really?" A pleasant floating sensation filled Theo's stomach

"Have you ever thought about being a singer?" Liam joked with a smile

"Yes, you know, when I even thought about being an astronaut, a spy or an archaeologist"

"Being an archaeologist is not so weird" Liam remarked,

"Yeah, but my idea of archaeologist back them coincided with Indiana Jones" Theo explained with a half laugh. Liam chuckled before looking back at him, seriously this time. "Have you ever seriously thought about what you would like to do next?"

"What's not serious about wanting to be an astronaut?" Theo joked.

Liam snorted "I'm serious Theo"

Theo was silent for a while, continuing to drive. "I don't know, I've never thought about it, but I'd like to do something important ..." Liam looked at him. "Yes, well, kinda useful ... for others, for example" he explained.

"Really?" Liam asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Does it surprise you that I want to help others?" Theo laughed, and Liam blushed. "No no it's not this- I actually think it suits you, you know. Something like ... Theo the caseworker" he concluded eagerly.

"I never thought about it, you know" Theo said thoughtfully.

"You should" Liam replied slightly, with a shrug.

Theo smiled. "Instead I don't need to guess, I already know that you'll be a great history teacher" he said without looking at him.

Liam blushed again, his heart throbbing in his chest. It always gave him a good feeling to see how good Theo knew him. "I don't know if I would be a good teacher" though he said

"You will be, if we manage to keep you from failing in Biology, obviously," Theo teased.

Liam laughed too. "Then I don't think my future will be so bright."

  
 

*

  
 

As they got out of the car once they had parked in the driveway, Liam nervously followed Theo, who was searching his pockets for the key. When he opened the door, Liam cautiously walked in, not sure if they were alone or not. He was not particularly enthusiastic about getting to meet Theo's mother, the only time they met, an uproar happened and well ... she was the one who was potentially taking Theo away from them , even though Liam was fully aware how selfish this thought was. 

His hopes vanished when he heard footsteps approaching, and they both turned to the woman coming towards them with a smile, wiping her hands on a cloth before placing it on a pile of boxes nearby. "Hi honey" she smiled at Theo before focusing on Liam "And you must be Liam, I'm happy to finally meet you properly." She held out a hand that Liam grabbed uncomfortable. "I'm Janeth"

"Nice to meet you, Mrs-" Liam stopped, because he didn't really know her last name. He blushed embarrassed "-Janeth"

She laughed "It's Morgan, but please call me Janeth. Mrs makes me feel so old." She retrieved the cloth she had laid just before. "Forgive me for the mess, but these are a little crazy days."

"Nevermind, Mrs. Mo- Janeth" Liam lowered his head flushed, and his mother glanced at Theo still standing between them, smiling and miming him with her lips an "he's cute". Theo gave her a look of desperate plea, before taking Liam by the shoulder. "Well now we should go. So many homework” he sighed eagerly.

Liam let himself be dragged, briefly turning to the woman "It was a pleasure to meet you" he murmured politely.

"For me too, Liam" she replied, as Theo and Liam went up the stairs. "I'll bring you something to have a snack," she shouted after them.

Theo answered with one brief wave of his hand.

  
 

As they went up and down the corridor, Liam could not help noticing the innumerable boxes that crowded every room, now strangely bare. "Sorry, ignore them" Theo seemed to read his gaze. "My mom is shipping everything they don’t need at the moment to Boston"

Liam didn't answer, but his alert mind couldn't help but dwell on the use of "they." Not "we". It seemed like nothing, but Theo had not included himself. Was it possible that he had decided not to leave with them at the end? Only that thought made his heart swell with hope, and the prospect of spending an afternoon studying biology had never seemed as tempting as it was now.

  
  
  
 

*

If Liam had thought that all this would lead him nowhere, given the source of distraction he had sat right next to him, he had to change his mind. Because nothing in Biology had seemed as clear as it was at the time. Of course, it was hard to ignore the warmth of Theo's leg pressing against his as they sat at the small desk, it was hard to ignore the subtle glances they shared when they thought the other was distracted, but Theo still was a fucking genius, and Liam had his essay ready in less than two hours. He looked at the paper admired. "I can't believe I understood this fucking thing about the hereditary genes! Why didn't Mrs Finch explain it in this way? I would have saved myself a lot of C and so many panic attacks" he snorted.

Theo laughed. "You see? It is not so difficult when you understand it. And I think it's damn interesting to learn anything about how our body works"

"Yeah ... so, to recap, I have blue eyes even though my dad didn't have them because he carried the recessive gene from my grandmother, right?" Liam summed up, to be sure to have grasped the concept, giving a quick glance at the text.

"Right" Theo nodded.

"So when I have a son, that doesn't mean that he get blue eyes...?" He asked without thinking.

They stared at each other for a moment, taken aback by the sudden turn of the speech.

"Uhm no .. probably not" Theo replied, waving in his swivel chair and giving him only brief glances. "Unless the mother has in turn blue eyes, or parents with blue eyes, but even then it wouldn't be sure." He cleared his throat. "Take me, both my parents and I have green eyes, but it is not said that ... my son ... will have them. If the mother has browns, there will still be more chances, since the brown ... "

"...is dominant" Liam concluded with a nod and a smile.

Theo bit his lip, suddenly unable to look away from Liam's eyes. "If instead you and I had a child, it would have fucking incredible eyes." He blew out without thinking.

Liam blushed like a pepper "W-what?"

Theo seemed to come back to his senses, blushing in turn and turning to his biology book. "Well yeah, hypothetically ..." he stammered "Biologically speaking"

"Yeah.." Liam muttered faintly. The thought alone, although impossible, was destabilizing.

  
 

"Theo, do you guys want a cup of tea?" His mother suddenly yelled from downstairs, making them both jump. And they pick it up quickly as a good chance to escape the embarrassing conversation.

  
 

*

  
 

When the sun began to set, Theo offered to give him a ride home.

As they went, Liam couldn't stop repeating the day in his head, and he couldn't stop looking at the other boy. The way those full lips moved to the rhythm of the songs on the radio, the soft hair falling over his forehead, the way his hands wrapped around the steering wheel. His treacherous mind reminded him of the dream, the way those same hands could huddle around him, wrapping him completely, caressing his skin ... Liam blushed at his own thoughts and tried not to stare at Theo like a creeper. He needed to get himself back together, he knew, but the only thought in his head at the moment was that he wanted the day to never end. Prolonging it a little longer, so as not to break that bubble of peace in which they had hidden themselves.

  
 

"Um ... what if we stop to get something to eat on the way?" 

Liam took a while to realize that Theo had talked, and what he had said. He stared at him in disbelief, because, what the hell had someone heard his prayer up there? "Unless Jenna is waiting for you for di-” Theo said hastily when he realized that Liam didn't seem willing to answer

"Uh? No, that’s- it's okay, she's not home anyway, so- ”He shrugged weakly. "I would still have some heated leftovers for dinner"

"Uh well then" Theo smiled, less tense. "Something against McDonald's?"

"Seriously?" Liam snorted a laugh "You just made my night"

  
 

*

  
 

Once they had their orders prepared, the girl behind the counter looked at them with a smile "It’s $16,75"

Both they hastened to rummage in their pockets, pulling out their wallets. "I'll pay!" They exclaimed in chorus, before looking at each other, bewildered. The girl giggled happily.

"I brought you here, _I_ pay" Theo snorted

"Remember? I owe you for the help in biology" Liam protested petulant

"You promised me a pepperoni pizza, _remember_?” Theo replied in kind.

"Well then let's have a pepperoni pizza." Liam folded his arms stubbornly.

"I think it's a little too late for that, don't you think?" Theo laughed, raising an eyebrow and glancing at their full trays in front of the worker.

"Yes it is" she agreed with an amused smile.

"Forgive him, he is an idiot" Theo murmured, smiling at her charming and handing her a twenty-dollar bill.

"Hey!" Liam pouted, then squeezed his eyes in Theo's direction. "I'll buy you so many pepperoni pizzas that you won't want it more for your whole life," he said threateningly. And it was certainly the least threatening thing Theo had ever been threatened with in all his life.

"I'll keep that in mind" he smiled, taking the rest.

"Oh you guys are such a lovely couple" the girl commented, almost about to literally melt.

  
 

Both paralyzed, the trays in hand, as they stared at her. Liam blushed violently. "We - we're not together" he protested weakly.

"Yeah, we're not," Theo said even more less convincingly than Liam.

She giggled "Yes sure. There's nothing to be ashamed of, you know.” And she winked at them before stepping away, leaving them there to bask in their embarrassment, to serve the other customers in a row.

Because _right_ , Liam recalled, _there was not just two of them in the world._

  
 

  
 

*

  
 

They ate in silence for a good ten minutes before anyone finally form words. Mason had suggested to him that the best thing was always to start from small talks, hoping to wipe out the embarrassment and the tension, which somehow were always there every time they were alone.

"So ... how are the preparations going for the big match?"

Theo almost jumped, probably not expecting Liam to talk. Then he shrugged, starting to dip his fries back into the mayonnaise "They just go"

"Corey told me you'll be playing against Devenford Prep" Liam muttered.

"Yeah, we will play for the first and second place in the championship, so the coach is out of his mind. Although Scott and Whittemore are out of the game, they stayed unbeaten throughout the semester. There's this guy ... Talbot ... it's amazing" Theo admitted reluctantly, thinking of the opposing player he hadn't even managed to overcome even once .

"It's just a windbag" Liam let out sharply.

Theo looked at him raising an eyebrow. "Do you know him?" He asked.

And Liam blushed. "Um ... yeah ... he is-" he stirred in his chair. "I was dating him last year" he admitted embarrassed.

"Ah" Theo could just say, taken aback, while the usual unpleasant feeling of jealousy twisted his stomach, his antipathy towards the current Devenford captain kinda growing for some reason. He forced a smirk on his face. "So who will you cheer for on Saturday? It's still your old school after all... "

"I'll cheer for you!" Liam said hastily. "I mean-" He blushed "for all of you, I mean- I'm part of Beacon Hills now, aren't I?"

The smile spread across Theo's face. "Good to know" he just said, eating another chip.

"You will surely win" Liam added emphatically. "You could even celebrate the victory at the prom as far as I'm sure."

Theo's smile faded "Yeah the prom..."

Liam looked at him puzzled by his tone "The prom what?"

Theo took a moment to drink his cola before answering. "I don't think I'll come" he said as if it meant nothing.

"What?" Liam looked at him shocked. "Dude, it's the prom, you can't miss it!"

Theo laughed at his dramatic tone "You spend too much time with Mason" he said.

Liam pulled himself together "You're probably right" Then he shook himself. "But you can't not come to the prom" he repeated more calmly.

"There's the game the next day ... and I'm not really dying to come to the stupid prom alone like an idiot - I mean, Mason will go with Corey and Josh with Tracy ..."

"Really?" Liam asked even more shocked. "How the hell happened?"

"Don't ask me" Theo snorted a laugh. "Even Nolan has a girl, you'll go with Hayden and Alec is all I have left, but I don't think I should, you know ..."

"I don't go to prom with Hayden" Liam said immediately, almost mechanically.

"Ah no? Maybe then I should ask her" Theo joked, trying to get another fry.

"Or we could go together" Liam took a few seconds to realize that he was the one who had talked, and he looked at Theo mimicking his startled expression.

"What?" Theo rasped, the fry still in front of his lips.

Liam looked around frantically, looking for a way out. What the hell had he thought about? Invite Theo to prom! He must have been completely out of his mind by now.

"I- well" he stammered. "Yeah, I- you-" From the way he kept talking jerky, Liam deduced that his brain was now mush. "You could give me a ride. To the prom. And we could stay there. Together. To prom. Me and you. As friends." He looked at Theo, who was looking at him almost frightened. _Shit_.

"As friends ..." he then repeated slowly. "To prom..." Probably now Theo would have started talking jerky, and they would never leave this loop again.

"Yeah" he hastened to say. "If ... for you it's okay ... at least you don't want to stay at home or really invite Alec or anyone else. Anyone else is fine" It wasn't fine at all.

"No, it's okay ..." Theo said weakly "As friends. To prom. Me and you. Okay."

"Okay” Liam echoed him. This was so damn embarrassing.

"Do you want an ice cream?" Theo asked quickly, suddenly eager to run away.

"Uh yes?" Liam muttered taken aback

"Okay I'm going to get it" he said and stood up before Liam could say more.

  
 

_Shit shit shit._ Liam felt he was having a panic crisis. He pulled out the phone and quickly texted to Mason, because at that moment it seemed the only possible thing to do.

  
 

_I messed up_ , he typed quickly, fingers trembling.

_What the fuck did you do this time?_ Mason answered so quickly, that Liam wondered if he had any power of foresight.

_I invited Theo to prom. Shit, dude, heeelp._

This time Mason took a few minutes to answer, and Liam wondered if he had given his best friend a heart attack.

_Shit_ He finally answered.

_So God does exists_

This was no help at all. Liam snorted angrily. _This is all your fault!_ He typed

_How can it be my fault?_ Liam could almost imagine his cocky sneer

_Keep putting ideas in my mind, you literally manipulated me to ask Theo to go to prom with me._ This probably only made sense in his head, but okay.

_Sure, sure, keep telling you that if it helps you sleep at night._

_Which does not work, since you keep dreaming about Theo_

  
 

Liam pushed away his cell phone to the last message.

"Here you go" He jumped when he met Theo, who timidly handed him a McFlurry. Theo looked at his expression "Are you okay?"

"Ye .. yes ... I'm fine," he stammered. As Theo sat down and began to eat his ice cream silently, Liam now could not get his stupid dream out of his head, _again_. He cursed internally.

  
 

Had he already said he hated his best friend?

  
 

*

  
 

"Shit shit shit" Liam grumbled in panic as he walked up and down his room, already dressed in his suit, Mason staring at him sitting on the bed. At a certain point he had to draw the line, because he got up putting himself in front of it and grabbing him by the arms. "Okay, now that's enough, you're about to dig a hole in the floor."

"Shit," Liam repeated.

"Theo has fucked all your neurons and this is the only word you can pronounce now?"

"Don't say that word!" Liam exclaimed widening his eyes in panic.

"What? Neurons?” Mason teased him. Liam groaned, throwing his head back. "Oh you're so _fucked_ "

" _Masee_ " Mason laughed. "Admit it, my misfortunes amuse you."

"Yeah pretty enough" Mason let him go and looked at his watch. "Okay, Corey will pick me up in 5 minutes and you need to take that expression off your face or else anyone who will see you, will understand what's on your mind"

"You make it sound easy ..." Liam assumed the expression of a beaten dog, following Mason with his eyes as he retrieved the camera. "Why did you bring the camera?"

"To update my 'Thiam' photobook" Mason replied immediately, and Liam glared at him. "It's the prom, Liam, there will be many moments to capture, don't you think?" Mason corrected himself rolling his eyes. "Just think about having fun, Theo will be there, all your friends will be there, school is over and summer is coming, what more can you ask for?" Mason asked. Liam stared at him for a while before sighing. "You are right. Maybe I just need to relax."

"That’s how I like you." Mason gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder, smiling at him. Then his cell phone rang. "It's Corey, it's out here. How long will Theo come?"

"He texted me that he will pick me up at 8"

"Good. Then I'll see you in half an hour at school?"

"Yeah, thank you Mase ... for everything "

"You’re welcome, dude, what are friends for?" he gave him a reassuring last smile before leaving.

  
 

When he was alone, Liam threw himself heavily on the bed, his gaze lost in space, a hand resting on his chest to listen to the frenetic beating of his heart. It didn't seem real that he was going to go to prom with _Theo_. But if on the one hand the excitement made him feel as if he could touch the sky with a finger, on the other the bitterness flowed in his veins like poison. Because they would go to prom only as friends. Nothing more. They could never be anything more, no matter how much he thought about it. And this hurt. And it made it a thousand times more unbearable.

A light knock on the door made him wince and stood up as his mother looked out the door. "Mom? What are you doing here?” He asked confused. She looked at him with an almost touched expression on her face. "I got off work ten minutes earlier, I couldn't miss this!" She walked over, adjusting his jacket's shoulders and Liam smiled fondly. "You are really handsome, honey, do you know that?"

"Thank you mum"

"Are you waiting for your date?"

"Uh ..." Liam grumbled. "No, no date. Theo will pick me up"

His mother brightened at those words. "Oh also Theo is coming here? Too bad Paul isn't there! I should have a camera somewhere" she said then out of nowhere, shaking herself in place. "Tell Theo to come in, I want to say hi, please" she shouted as she left the room

"What?" Liam shouted after her. Then he sighed. It was useless to insist. He sent Theo a text ùtelling him to come in because his mother wanted to see him and Theo only replied that he was on the way.

Suddenly flustered again, Liam rushed to the mirror to give himself one last set to his hair.

  
 

*

  
 

When Theo stopped in front of the house door, he found himself thinking how strange was his nervousness to knock at his own door. But he was nervous, and that was the only thing he could think of. But he rang the bell, and he heard heels slam on the entrance floor almost immediately, before Jenna opened it with a big smile.

"Theo! It's so good to see you, dear!" She hugged him.

And he hugged her back with transport. "For me too, Jenna" Jenna pulled back holding him by the shoulders and admiring him "Woh you are stunning too!" Theo blushed slightly, mumbling an embarrassed thanks as Jenna walked away, shouting Liam's name looking upstairs.

"’coming!" Liam’s voice replied , slightly muffled.

  
 

As soon as Liam appeared at the top of the stairs, Theo swore he felt his heart stop in his chest. Because ... well because it was fucking _georgeus_. Actually he always was, but now more than ever. He stood staring at him, glad that Jenna was as distracted by his son as he was. When Liam was in front of him, the same look in his eyes, hidden however by a great nervousness, could not avoid smiling at him.

"Hey" he greeted him.

"Hey" Liam imitated him, embarrassed.

"Oh my god, you are perfect, both of you. Where's my camera?" Jenna seemed about to melt as she ran into the living room to retrieve her camera.

"Mom" Liam moaned, looking at her pleadingly. But she smiled, in the tone of one who didn't admit replies "Just a photo, Liam, it won't kill you! Just as a memory, and for Paul, I'm sure he would like to see you! Our two boys!" She was so euphoric that Liam didn't feel like protesting. And Theo seemed to think in the same way because he approached, putting an arm around his shoulders, his green eyes that somehow the dark suit seemed to bring out even more fixed on Jenna with a smile on his face.

"Smile Liam" she urged, smiling back.

And Liam smiled, instinctively approaching Theo, and was sure his feelings could almost be read on his face. And he felt guilty, looking at the happy expression on his mother's face, because his feelings about going to prom with Theo were certainly not what his mother imagined them to be. She saw two step-brothers who finally got along. Liam saw much, much more. He saw, but could not never reach it out.

  
 

"I think we should go now ..." he stammered after the third shot. He couldn't wait to escape from that guilt at least for a while.

"Right, the others will surely be waiting for us" Theo said.

Jenna greeted them with a last hug. "Please, have fun, and drive safe"

"Yes!" they did together. "Hi, Mom!" "Hi, Jenna!"

  
 

And if Liam had hoped that once the door was closed behind them, that bad feeling would fade, he was wrong.

  
 

*

  
 

When they walked in the gym, the loud music, the numerous glittering decorations and the crowd of people around them struck them full.

"Wow, you have spared no expense" Liam muttered, startled, remembering that it had been largely organized by the lacrosse team.

"Yeah, when it comes to throw parties, nobody beats me" Theo agreed with a smirk. "Do you want a drink?"

"Uh ... yes?"

"Don’t worry, no alcohol tonight," Theo assured him, sensing his hesitation. "Wait for me here"

And he disappeared into the crowd. He didn't even have time to feel alone because Mason, Corey and Alec rushed over to him. "You made it!" The curly boy shouted. "I was sick of being surrounded by all these couples!"

"Where's Theo?" Mason asked almost suspiciously.

"He went to get a drink. Nolan?"

"On the floor" Corey replied with a nod to the crowd. Liam followed his gaze, and found his friend after a few seconds. His heart stopped for a moment. "Wai - that is not -?" He gasped, looking at Mason.

"Yes, it Theo's _colleague_ "

" _She’s going out with Nolan?_ " Liam blew in shock.

"Lucky bastard" sighed Alec, shaking his head.

"They've been going out together for a few weeks, apparently," Mason informed him with a suggestive glance at Liam. 

Liam blinked in bewilderment. This was strange. But part of him couldn't help but feel suddenly more relieved that there was nothing between her and Theo.

  
 

When the song ended, Nolan and Amber went towards them laughing for some reason and Nolan greeted Liam high-five him. Then Liam's gaze stopped on the girl. He still wasn't sure if he liked her or not. And something told him that the feeling was mutual. However Amber gave him a little smile. "I guess we never really introduce, did we?" She held out her hand "I'm Amber" Liam looked at her uncertainly for only half a second, before holding her. "Um ... I'm Liam"

"Where did you leave my favorite idiotic bartender?" she asked cheerfully.

"I'm right here" Theo's voice interjected, handing Liam a drink. "And fuck you" he then snorted even though he was smiling.

"Hi T!" She greeted him emphatically, literally jumping into his arms and stepping up to him like a koala. "I missed you, you know?" Theo's hands instinctively glided over her hips, especially to prevent her from falling. "We saw the other day." he reminded her impassively.

"I know!" She said aloud, laying her head on his own arms still tight around Theo's neck. "Is he jealous?" She then whispered in his ear. Theo moved his eyes automatically to look at Liam, who seemed to find extremely interesting the contents of his glass. "Stop it" Theo answered in a low voice, letting her go and making her come back down to the floor. "I don't like these little games" he whispered nervously even lower, but she shot him a little smile and winked at him before returning to Nolan.

  
 

As a new song started, Mason took the opportunity to distract them. "Oh I love this song! Come on, let's go dancing!”

Everyone moved enthusiastically towards the dancefloor except for Liam. "I guess I’ll sta-"

"No!" Mason shouted with the tone of one who won’t listen to reason, taking him by the wrist and pulling him. "Come on, Theo!" Theo obeyed without protest.

  
 

They continued to dance and laugh and have fun drinking punch for a good hour, and at one point even Josh and Tracy joined them. Until at some point all the lights went down, leaving the room in dim light, and the DJ's voice on the stage spoke softly: "It's time to get pairs, let's slow down a bit"

While everyone around them approached their own partner, Liam and Theo looked at each other uneasily. Liam looked for Alec in the hope that they weren't the only two excluded from the situation, but he cursed internally when he saw him already clinging to a girl he wasn't sure he knew. He looked back at Theo, standing in front of him. "Maybe we should skip this on...?" Liam suggested. Theo started to nod, but Mason intervened.

"Absolutely not!" He protested pushing Liam on his back straight against Theo's chest, which he quickly grabbed him by his arms "Don't be antisocial! It's just a dance, so dance!” As the music rose, they clearly heard everyone else giggling around them.

  
 

Theo moved his hands to Liam's hips, searching for his eyes. "Well it's just a dance, isn't it?" He whispered. 

Liam swallowed. "Y-yes ..." He raised his hands slowly, holding them up, uncertain for a moment, before placing them on Theo's shoulders. As they began to sway to the rhythm of the song, Theo instinctively pulled him closer and soon Liam's hands moved around his neck. He dropped his head on Theo's shoulder and felt his breath tickling his skin, the tip of his nose brushing his neck, making him feel hypersensitive and hyperconscious. He opened his eyes, not knowing when he had actually closed them and looked around, unable to restrain himself, only to see every couple in the darkness too busy with themselves to realize what was happening around. After all, so was he. 

He could only smell Theo’s perfume, he only heard his own heart beat violently against his chest, at the same pace as Theo's, he felt Theo's warm hands on his waist, almost burning despite the fabric, he felt his breath heavy, he felt almost _drunk_. Despite not having drunk anything. It was like he was drunk for Theo.

  
  
 

Theo had never felt this way with anyone. It was as if having Liam in his arms was all he needed to feel happy, to feel complete. It gave him an adrenaline rush like no goal, no won game or championship would ever give him. Not even summing up everything he had felt with every single person he had kissed or slept with in his life, the result would have been comparable to what he was feeling at that moment. And he just wanted it to last.

He breathed heavily, brushing Liam’s neck with his nose, inspiring his perfume as if to make sure he wasn't dreaming, and felt Liam's body tremble against his. He moved his lips to brush Liam's ear. "You know ..." he whispered, unable to restrain himself. "You are stunning in this suit"

With his heart threatening to climb up his throat, Liam pulled his head back so he could look into Theo's eyes. He was blushing, and now he was looking at Liam's face, almost frightened, as if waiting for a reaction.

"Theo ..." Liam sighed, halfway between a warning and a plea. He didn't even know what he was doing anymore, or what he wanted. Whether running away or pulling Theo even closer.

Theo raised a hand to brush his hair away from his forehead, and then hesitated, letting his hand rest gently on the other's cheekbone and Liam instinctively leaned against the touch. Then Theo was leaning forward, the tips of their noses brushing against each other, their breaths mingling, and it seemed that there were really only two of them in the world. It seemed easy to forget about the party, the people around them, the music, it even seemed easy to forget about their parents.

  
 

Their lips barely touched, a brief hesitant and frightened caress.

  
 

Then the music ended. The lights came back on. Everyone screamed again when the music sped up again. And Liam and Theo jumped back a step each, the look of a deer in front of the headlights stamped on both their faces.

"Li, lo-"

Liam stopped him raising a hand, a bit lost "I need some air" he just muttered before running off into the crowd

"Wait, Li!" Theo called after him. When he reached the doors he looked around frantically, before raising a hand through his hair "Shit" He cursed.

  
 

Because there was already no more sign of Liam

  
 

*

  
  
 

Walking without an aim, Liam found himself in front of the stands of the lacrosse field. He also found himself thinking that there was no better place to sit in silence alone to cool off for a while, giving himself time to calm down. So he began to climb up. He winced when he realized that he was not actually alone, and that someone else had apparently had his own idea. The girl was sitting a little far, her legs crossed, distracted looking into the distance towards the field, and Liam realized what the cloud of smoke around her was only when he saw the short bright flash of the cigarette between her fingers. "Hayden?" He called her perhaps a little too loudly.

Hayden jumped, turning to him abruptly. "Liam! Heck, did you want to give me a heart attack!?" she exclaimed.

"Sorry, I-" He frowned as he came up with a bewildered expression. "Do you _smoke_?"

She looked between him and the cigarette before tossing it with a sigh and a bitter grimace. "Yeah, the only thing Gabe left me. Nice suck eh?”

Liam sat down next to her. "You didn't have to throw it for me."

She shrugged. "Better like this, right?" Then she studied him, her gaze moving on his tense expression. "Why are you here?"

"I needed to be alone for a while" he replied sadly.

"So ... do you want me to go?" She said with a half smile.

"No no!" Liam laughed nervously "I didn't mean this"

"Then let me guess ..." Hayden murmured pretending to be thoughtful. "Is this about Theo?"

Liam gave a sad sigh, moving his gaze to the deserted lacrosse field. "Is it so much clear?"

"You know, only a blind man wouldn't see it” Hayden joked.

"This doesn't reassure me at all," Liam muttered.

Hayden stared at him for a while in silence, before speaking again. "You know, I know it's not my business, but ... I understand you. I know how it feels to want to be with someone your parents, or others people... wouldn't approve. Of course, ours are two different situations, but the point is always the same ... "

"And would it be? That are we screwed anyway?" Liam laughed bitterly.

Hayden snorted a laugh. "No, it's that others have no say in the matter. It is your life, your feelings, it is something that only belongs to you ... only to the _two of you_. No one else can really understand it, and no one should stand in the way. Letting others' judgments block you is wrong, people will always have a say over, so just do what you want."

Liam let Hayden's words sink, before he looked back at her. "It did not go very well for you and Gabe though, is not it?"

"Maybe. But I tried, that matters, and I have no regrets" she said firmly. "And you?"

  
 

Liam didn't answer, biting his lips uncertainly.

Regrets. He was sure he had hundreds of them.

  
 

Liam felt Hayden move to his side. "Hey look at me" She gently took his face in her hands, making him turn her head towards her. And then without any warning she put his lips to his. It was short and Liam did not have time to withdraw before she did it herself. He stared at her with wide eyes. "Why did you do that?"

She laughed at his expression. "What's the first thing that came to your mind when I kissed you?" she asked then

Liam looked at her off guard, before understanding. "I... just wish it was him"

"So ... here's your answer" Hayden whispered cheerfully, half-cheering. Liam laughed, shaking his head.

  
 

Surely he would have had a whole lot to think about now.

  
 

*

  
 

Theo had looked for Liam everywhere. In vain. Until he met Erica and Boyd crossing the yard hand in hand. "Hey guys did you see Liam?" He couldn't help but ask,

"Hmm ... I think I saw him go to the field," Erika replied.

"The field?"

"Really? I didn't see him" Boyd asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm surprised, he certainly doesn't go unnoticed" she said with a wink and a sly smile.

"Yeah okay" Theo huffed, stifling his instinctive irritation at this "Thank you guys" he said and walked away at a fast pace.

What the hell was Liam doing at the lacrosse field? As he walked quickly towards the stands, Theo couldn't help feeling nervous. He had crossed the line again. But this time he was sure that something was different. The way Liam had behaved on the night of his birthday, or on the trip, his being jealous of Amber and Danny, that almost kiss at the lake, the invitation to the prom... Had he misread the situation? Why did they always seem to get back to the starting point?

  
 

The sound of some voices, too low to be heard, clearly distracted him, and he looked up now that he was close enough to look towards the stands. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Hayden and Liam talking next to each other. Then Hayden reached out to take Liam's face between them and kissed him. She _kissed_ him.

_Wha...?_

  
 

The kiss didn't last long, but Theo didn't really want to see anything else. He was about to turn around and walk away, until he heard Liam get up, and speak a little louder in an almost desperate tone "You know, I'm very happy to have gotten to know him ..." Theo stopped. Was he talking about him? He turned back to the stands that stood before him, praying that Liam or Hayden didn't notice him right now. But they seemed too caught up in the conversation to do it. "Really, but on the other hand I would have wanted to never know him at all, does that make any sense?" Theo felt the blood freeze in his veins, while Liam made an exasperated sound, bringing his hands to his face. Then he lowered them, with a bitter expression as much as his voice "If I could go back in time, I wouldn't let myself get so close, I would tell my mum that it was just a huge mistake, I would do anything to keep seeing Theo as the horrible person that I remember from the past. Sometimes I almost wish he were still like that. It would all be easier, just hate him, see it as something that never meant anything. Just like someone I've never know!"

Theo stepped back, shocked. Was this how Liam saw him? As someone who would have preferred to never know? Had they got to this point? If Theo had been the type to cry when he felt hurt, betrayed, broken, he would have done it, because that was exactly how he felt. But Theo never cried. He only put distance. And that was what he did at that moment.

  
 

Liam sat back down next to Hayden, an even more desperate expression on his face. "I would love to be able to say this, to say that I really think that... but actually, if I could go back in time, the only thing I would change ... is that answer that I never gave him"

Liam dropped his head on his crossed arms on his knees, until he felt Hayden's hand resting on his back

"Then give it to him, it's not too late. You two took ten years to get close and realize that you are practically made for each other, this is nothing compared to that. Time means nothing now, only the truth."

  
 

And in the mixture of feelings, remorse and fear that was Liam's head, he couldn't help but think that Hayden was actually right.

  
 

*

  
 

Theo went to his car without even stopping to think. He jumped on and just left. He put the music louder not to hear the din in his head, trying at all costs not to think about it, but the more he tried, the more he continued to hear Liam's voice. At a certain point he became so distracted that he almost ended up off-road, managing to get back on track at the last moment. With a pumping heart out of anger or fear or adrenaline, Theo decided it was time to draw the line and just go home.

  
 

When he returned, he saw that the lights in the living room were still lit and checking the time he realized it was barely 23. When he crossed the threshold, his mother in a dressing-gown in front of the TV with a cup of chamomile in her hand, looked at him puzzled. "Already back, honey?"

Theo put the keys on the table and looked at her with a shrug. "Wasn't as fun as I imagined"

"Nervous for tomorrow's big game?" She asked with an encouraging smile.

Theo discovered that he didn't really care anymore. "Yes something like that," he replied.

She settled herself better on the sofa to be able to look good. "You know ... we were thinking of going to dinner all together one of these evenings ... me, you and your father ... well, to kinda talk about the situation ... so you can be sure of making the right choice without -"

"There is no need" Theo interrupted abruptly. "I've already decided"

"Honey, are you sur-?"

"Yes, I will move with you to Boston"

And he went up to his room without another word.

  
 

  
 

TO BE CONTINUED

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm evil, I know, sorry


	20. Ask me again

There were shouts and whistles everywhere. The air was so full of excitement and anticipation that Liam could almost feel it burning on his skin, making him shiver despite the warm air of that late May evening. He moved his eyes along the length of the field, where the players of both teams were doing a bit of stretching before the final game. His eyes just found Theo, and it was easy, also because, after a sprint, he was the only one left behind in the team.

  
 

Liam frowned. Theo has been _so_ strange all day. From the day before, actually. He had left him at the prom despite he was his ride, and had kept his distance from them all afternoon, as opposed to Corey and Nolan who had stopped to talk between one exercise and another. Besides, he seemed kinda... distracted? Nervous? As if he were constantly on the verge of exploding.

Liam was sure that last night's almost kiss had something to do with that. He had been about to let go until the end, seeing how much he _craved it_ , but for this very reason he had to run away. Because it was _too much_. Too many feelings, too much tension, and definitely too many people around them. He couldn't let it happen. Not in that way.

  
 

"Everything okay dude?" Mason asked him, nudging him gently on his side.

"Uh?" Liam turned abruptly back to reality. "Yeah - what?" He stammered.

"Your face doesn't fit the situation" Mason observed with a frown.

"Sorry - I was just distracted"

"I saw" Mason laughed . His gaze got lost behind him, and Liam turned to Alec and Amber, who were coming in their direction, loaded with food and drinks.

"Here you are! Fortunately, they haven't started yet.”

At that moment the ref whistled for a long time. "Just in time" Amber chuckled, getting up and taking off her sweatshirt to show the team's tank top.

"Are you wearing Nolan's shirt?" Alec laughed.

"Well done sister" Mason crooned in approval, flaunting his burgundy sweatshirt engraved with the surname "Bryant" in big white letters.

"It's to put myself in context, and then I'm so good in this. Burgundy is in this year" she said, making them laugh before she sat down again.

  
 

Liam couldn't help but feel a painful bit of _longing_. Why couldn't he have something like that too? Why couldn't he stay here with his friends to cheer for the guy he liked with his name written on his back? Showing the world that he just belonged to him? Why was it so damn hard to do the wrong thing?

Or maybe it was the right thing? Liam didn't know anymore. But there was something inside him, something that made him feel like he was on the edge of a cliff. He felt he needed to act. To do something. _Anything_. Maybe he was just tired of hiding. Or to look for excuses.

Or maybe he was just beginning to realize what he really wanted.

  
 

*

  
 

When the ref whistled, Theo let himself go. It was as if all the anger, the nervousness, the anguish and the pain that all day were crawling right there, under the surface, waiting, were definitely ready to explode. He began to run, his heart pumping, trying to get lost among the mass of players and the cries of the crowd, focusing on the ball and on victory. And if he could tackle as many opposing players as he could, he wouldn't hold back. Lacrosse was a violent game, and it was just what he needed at the time.

  
 

He took the ball and began to run fast towards the opponent's goal, dodging the players. While the defenders were preparing to make him a wall, he saw with the corner of his eye Boyd who beckoned him to pass the ball to him. He ignored him. He knocked down one of them harshly, then dodged the other, and shot at the door.

The crowd cheered.

Theo smiled smugly at his feat, while some of his close teammates high five him. Boyd looked at him with a frown. "Man, this was fucking risky. I was free.”

Theo shrugged indifferently. "I scored, right?"

Somewhere he heard the coach scream and he turned to him. "Nice shot, Raeken. But what about team game? Do you know what is it? Or did you knock out that too? Another move like that and you’re benched"

"But coach-" Theo snorted, spreading his arms.

"No coach, no head shots! Just follow our playbooks” Then he walked away, leaving Theo even more restless.

  
 

At the end of the first half, they were ahead by two points on Devenford Prep, and Theo had scored most goals. He reached the bench, his breath short and his face sweaty, taking one of the canteens and drinking half of it in one gulp, thirsty.

Someone touched his shoulder, and before he could turn around, Josh sat next to him.

"Nice play," he told him.

"Thank you"

Josh studied him for a while, while Theo focused his gaze on the opposing bench, finding himself following with his eyes Liam, who had moved away from the stands to reach it, now hugging Scott and Stiles. He couldn't help noticing the way Brett looked after him all the time. That rage that flowed into him boiled again, and he began to nervously tap his foot on the ground.

"Are you ok T?" Josh finally asked, shifting his gaze from his scowling face to his moving foot and back again. "You seem a little... over the edge?”

Theo snorted annoyed "I'm fine, and I'll be better when I beat up these assholes’ asses" he replied harsh, still staring at Brett, a still grin on his face as he continued to follow Liam like he was a particularly delicious piece of meat.

Josh gave him a pat on the shoulder, finally catching his attention. "Well make sure you win then, my parents are out for the whole weekend and it would be a shame to waste such an occasion without having a big party"

Theo smiled back. "Prepare everything then," he said, standing up, as the referee moved into position. "Because we will celebrating great tonight."

As the team moved away, Josh stood up, thrusting his hands into his pockets. "I count on that!" He shouted after him.

  
 

Fifteen minutes later Deveford Prep was able to even thanks to Brett, and Theo was more and more nervous. After their second goal, when they positioned themselves in the middle of the field, Theo took his place in the middle, and Brett Talbot this time positioned himself right in front of him.

The boy gave him a sardonic grin, leaning forward, his hands on his knees "Raeken, did you finally cool off?"

"Shut up Talbot" he replied furiously, imitating his position.

"Apparently not." He laughed. "I guess asking you a good word with Dunbar is out of the question then. Stilinski told me you're kinda brothers now, are you?”

Theo knew he was just trying to provoke him. He was the things he did best. But today he was too much over the limit to play his game. He felt something boil back inside him at the mention of Liam. "Just stay away from him," he just said

"What? Don't tell me you have a crush on your little brother?” He teased, striking out. Theo didn't answer, his clenched lips, to the point that he felt his teeth snap under his iron grip, his eyes flashing with anger as he tightened his grip on the material that covered his knees "Well understandable, I mean .... have you _seen_ him? Honestly, I don't know why I dumped him" Brett's grin widened even more. "He actually knew his stuff, you know ... if you know what I mean"

  
 

It was then that Theo saw blank. As the referee whistled, he snapped forward, tackling down the other with violence, and before he could realize it, his fist collided against his cheekbone. He didn't feel anything anymore, until the referee whistled again, the crowd audibly holding his breath, and someone, probably one of his team mates pushed him away from Brett's body.

"Are you crazy ?!" Someone else screamed as Brett writhed on the ground.

Then the referee gave him a vehement sign to get out of the field and he jerked away abruptly from the hold that held him. The coach approached him with eyes that flashed with anger. "I don't know what the hell it’s on your mind, Raeken, but get out of here now." He shoved him sharply toward the bench. "I don't want to see your face anymore! Go back to the locker room and come back only when and _if_ you have calmed down!"

Theo didn't even answer. He just rushed towards the gate. Josh tried to grab him by the shoulder but he dodged him making the gesture with his hand not to touch him.

  
  
  
 

When Theo out of nowhere knocked Brett down, Liam, and like all the others, held his breath, standing up, as the crowd rumbled and the referee threw Theo out. Liam followed his walk towards the locker room, which was right behind the stands.

"What the hell's got into him?" Mason moaned .

"He must have provoked him" Amber muttered , crossing her arms.

Mason caught Liam's attention by hitting him on the side. "Who is that? Do you know him?"

Liam swallowed. "Yeah ... He ... he is my ex" he whispered in reply.

Amber looked at him when she heard him, then rolled her eyes ironically "I see"

Liam didn't even hear her, too busy watching Theo. At one point, Theo looked up to meet Liam's worried and flustered eyes, but it lasted only a moment, because Theo immediately turned to the other side.

Liam trembled. Because that moment was enough for Liam to see pure and simple anger in his eyes.

  
 

*

  
 

For a moment it seemed that Theo's disqualification could cost the team the whole game, Devenford Prep managed to take the lead immediately afterwards, but ten minutes before the end Boyd scored a goal and Nolan made another one soon after. After all, they too had lost a good element, Brett was now crushed on the bench between Scott and Stiles with a pack of dry ice pressed to his cheek and a frown on his face. When Nolan scored, the crowd rejoiced crazily. Among the general outcry, Liam saw Theo, now cleaned and changed, sitting next to Josh, Tracy and Hayden. Although there was still something harsh in his expression, he rejoiced like everyone else, and when the referee whistled the end, decreeing the victory of Beacon High a big smile formed on his face as he hugged Josh and jumped up with everyone else , a roar that reverberated throughout the whole field.

  
 

Liam clapped along with everyone else, shouting and cheering, while Theo reached the team again. They huddled in a giant hug of screams and jumps and pats on the shoulders and ruffling of hair. At one point, Theo lifted the cup up, and the team lifted him up, and from then on became a confused and messy celebration.

  
 

*

  
 

Some time later they were literally kicked out of the lacrosse field, and Liam heard someone (presumably Josh) shouting over the crowd that the party would move to "Diaz house" and to "move your asses"

While Liam and the others came down from the stands , Corey and Nolan joined them smiling beaming. Corey immediately pulled Mason into a kiss and Amber jumped to Nolan's neck. "You have been amazing, guys!" Shouted Alec, tapping Nolan's shoulder when he parted from the girl.

"Yeah, fucking amazing," Mason sighed ecstatically

Corey chuckled.

"So what now? Are we going to Josh’s? ”Liam asked, trying subtly to look around for Theo. He seemed already gone though.

"Of course!" Shouted Nolan putting an arm over Amber's shoulders.

  
 

Liam let himself pull, but he couldn't shake off the bad feeling that something was wrong. Why had Theo avoided him all afternoon? Why had he left without even inviting him to the party or simply celebrating together? They had talked so much about this final game for over a month ... no, Liam was _sure_ there was something wrong. And he was determined to find out what.

  
 

*

  
 

Liam remembered that someone had mentioned to him that Josh's parents were rich, but he didn't imagine them _so_ rich. He gasped when he found himself in front of the huge villa, the garden full of people dancing by the pool. Someone had even dived in fully dressed.

  
 

"Wow" Liam gasped.

"Wow," Amber echoed.

Mason and Corey giggled. "Come on, let's go, before they decide to throw the whole team in the pool," Nolan observed, going on first, while a group of boys among the shouts threw Isaac and Danny in the water.

  
 

They made their way through the crowd until they reached the back garden, where wine mugs and bottles of beer and various liquors had been piled up on a long table. Liam absentmindedly took the bottle of beer that Alec was passing to him as he kept looking for Theo with his eyes.

  
 

"Hell, I love this song!" Amber muttered "Let's dance," she decided, pulling Nolan forward.

"No one is dancing" he remarked.

"Well, someone have to start no?" She smiled as she stood in front of him. While Nolan suddenly turned red like a pepper, Alec and Corey burst out laughing at his uncoordinated moves.

Mason turned to Liam, taking advantage of the fact that their friends were all distracted.

"Are you okay?" He asked him worried "Is it ... for Theo?"

"No ... yeah ... I ... I don't know."

"He has been weird all day, maybe something happened?” Mason suggested trying to reassure him. Liam grumbled in response. He didn't know either.

"You should go talk to him"

"And what should I tell him? I have the feeling he wants to avoid me" he replied sadly.

"Well, don't you want to know why?" Liam felt he already knew why. He bit his lip nervously. Mason rolled his eyes. "You could go to him and congratulate him on winning. Isn’t that a good excuse to start a conversation?" he gave him a slight nudge on his side. "You need to talk."

Liam took another sip of beer, thoughtful , then laid it on the table. "O-okay ... I ... I will go look for him then?" He hesitantly said,

"Well, we'll stay here. If we don't see you coming back, we'll send a rescue team" Mason tried to play down. Liam giggled nervously. He really hoped it wouldn't be necessary.

  
 

*

  
 

Theo was holed up in the peace of Josh's kitchen, sitting on the counter with a bottle of vodka, sipping it quietly in the hope that it could calm him down when Josh found him. The boy opened the door and rolled his eyes when he saw  him

"Shit, you were here! What the hell are you doing here alone? I don't know if you noticed, but the party is out there.” Josh ironically moved his head towards the window that led to the outside. At that moment someone threw Nolan and Alec (for some reason) into the pool.

"I noticed" Theo replied sarcastically, bringing the bottle to his lips again. “I _just_ like it here better”

"You know, also your little little brother is looking for you. He asked me where you were. "

"You didn't tell him, did you?" Theo asked , alarmed.

"Well no, since _I didn't know_ where the fuck you were" Josh replied emphatically. "Are you fighting again?"

Theo gave a snort "Sometimes I think we never stopped" he said annoyed. He started to stretch to take the bottle back, but Josh pushed it away. He smiled at Theo's annoyed face. Then he sighed. "Can I tell you something that will seem completely out of character said by me?"

Theo looked at him with a puzzled face. Josh looked at him, the smile fading. "You can't be friend and in love with the same person at the same time" he just said. Theo almost choked on his own saliva, and looked at him almost shocked without being able to speak. "You're not exactly a subtle person, T". Josh smiled again, shrugging his shoulders and taking another sip "And neither is your little little brother by the way"

"Good. Great. Given the truth in this sudden revelation of maturity of your, would you give me my vodka back again? I clearly need it” Theo retorted, stretching out again. This time Josh handed him the bottle.

"However, this does not mean that you have to be here moping around. Shit, this is the last week we could spend together, then you'll take the flight with your mommy. So you owe me the best week of my life, Raeken”

Theo snorted a laugh, shaking his head. He was about to reply when the kitchen door opened slowly. They both turned as Liam appeared in the doorway. Theo's smile died slowly, looking at him, because by the suffering expression on Liam's face it was clear that he had heard everything. Josh exhaled dramatically, looking around. "Well I think I'll come back out ... to check that no one drowns in the pool, yes ... See you around, T. Dunbar." he said, slipping past the latter as he came out.

  
 

The silence fell heavy and overwhelming on them. Theo turned the bottle over in his hands for a few seconds before placing it loudly on the counter and jumping down. "So ... were you looking for me to tell me something? Or do you plan to stay there all evening?" Theo asked harsh, without even looking at him.

Liam felt his mouth open wide, appalled. "Me?" He gasped. "Maybe you are the one who should tell me something?"

Theo looked at him icily "I have nothing to say to you"

Liam felt a shiver go through his body. _What the hell-?_ "So is that so? Are you really going away?”

Theo shrugged indifferently. "Well you knew it was my intentions"

"B-but ... you never talked about it again and I thought you had decided to stay at the end" Liam stammered, his expression tense.

Theo gave a half-bitter laugh "Maybe I didn't tell you because I don't think it's your business, Liam, don't you think?"

Liam didn't know anymore what hurt the most. Theo's words or the way Theo was talking to him, as if he didn't matter anything.

"So what? Were you going to leave like this ?! Without even telling me? Without even saying goodbye?" He snorted in disbelief, bewildered and hurt at the same time

"Yeah, these were exactly my intentions, Liam" Theo snapped. "Now, if you'll excuse me-" Theo started to climb over him, but Liam pulled him back with a strong push on his chest

"What the hell- ?! Why are you like this? Are you angry with me? Did I do something to you ?!" he snapped in turn.

Theo snorted a bitter laugh. Liam looked at him even more bewildered. He no longer knew what was happening here.

"No Liam, you didn't do anything" Theo replied ironically. Then his voice filled with resentment pushing Liam abruptly in turn "You're just ruining my life!"

Liam froze, a wave of cold running down his body, his hands still suspended in midair. "W-why are you talking like this now? I - I thought... we were _friends_!” He said weakly. He felt that his heart was about to come out of his chest, tears that pressed on the sides of his eyes to go out.

Theo snorted again, annoyed, before taking a threatening step forward. Liam made one back while Theo began to blur out angrily and with no more control, every muscle on his face tense as if every word caused him pain "Listen to me, we will _never_ be friends! _I_ will never be your friend, _I don't want to_ be your friend! I'm so damn _sick_ of suffering for your fucking indecision! I _like_ you, do you realize how fucking painful it is for me to have you around? One day you are going to kiss me, the other one you pushes me away, you know how _fucking_ confusing you are?!" Something in Theo's voice broke. Tears filled Liam's eyes. Theo inhaled heavily, his voice now shaking "I ... I don't know how to behave anymore. So yeah, I'm leaving, and yeah, I'm running away. Because it's better than all this!" Then Theo spread his arms in surrender "So do what you want so much ... let me go back to being someone you've never wanted to _know_ , and just ... stay away from me !”

Something in Theo's last words had upset him so much that he didn't even protest when Theo passed him hitting him hard on the shoulder and getting out of the kitchen. Liam stayed there, his heart throbbing painfully, the tears that were finally starting to come out, the mind that echoed with Theo's voice.

  
 

_Do what you want so much ... let me go back to being someone you've never wanted to know._

  
 

How the hell had Theo come up with such a thing? To think that he preferred to have never known him.... Suddenly Liam shook himself, walking quickly towards the front door and looking frantically into the crowd, his eyes clouded with tears and a chasm in his chest.

But Theo was gone again.

  
 

*

  
 

Mason found him over an hour later sitting in the dark at the foot of a bed in one of the upstairs rooms. Something had suggested to him that it was Josh's room, not that he had paid much attention. If it was the bathroom or the closet, it would have been fine anyway. He just wanted to curl up on himself and cry out all his pain, all the anger and anguish.

Mason sighed as he entered, halfway between the relief of having found him and the anguished because he was surely not a good view. Liam had raised his eyes full of tears, his lower lip trembling on him and Mason had simply approached, sitting on the ground beside him and hugging him. Liam hid his face against his shoulder, starting to sob again, while Mason stroked his back comfortingly. Mason didn't ask him questions, he just let him cry and stayed there until the sobs turned into a heavy, panting breath. It was probably the only thing he really needed.

  
 

A few minutes later, or perhaps a few hours had passed, Liam was no longer sure of it, his head aching and his view tear-stained, someone suddenly opened the door and turned on the light, in a way that almost hurt his eyes. He and Mason turned together just to see Theo, clearly _drunk_ , pulling Danny by the hand.

Danny stopped in his tracks, embarrassed. Theo also at least had the readiness to stop and look surprised. Then he grinned, his voice slurred as he spoke. "Apparently this room is already taken."

Mason was moving fast his gaze between him and Liam, almost waiting for the explosion, then Liam stood up and he imitated him.

  
 

This was definitely way too much. He felt his anger working its way up between pain and regret, rising quickly to the surface. He just wanted to leave before doing something he would regret later. "Let's go, Mase, it's getting too crowded here" he said dryly as Danny pulled Theo away from the doorway. As he walked down the corridor with Mason at his heels, he clearly heard Theo make an exaggerated exasperated snort. _He's drunk, don't let him get to your head._

"Yeah, avoid the situation, run away as usual ... that's what you can do best, right, _Dumbar_?" Theo slurred after him. Liam stopped in his tracks, the anger mounting, making his eyes wet again, and before he knew it he was running back, ignoring Mason who tried to stop him, and a moment later his fist clashed against Theo's jaw , which fell back as a dead weight. He clenched his jaw, looking at him angrily and clenched his fists at his sides, a tear running down his cheek, not caring  whether Danny was there, not caring for anything. "I ... I fucking hate you!" He shouted, before turning on his heels and leaving once and for all.

  
 

Theo remained there, his face on the ground. Danny had leaned over him worried, but it was as if he didn't even exist. Theo felt the tears running down his cheeks, and it so fucking _hurt_

And certainly not because of the punch.

*

  
 

As he knew it would happen, anger didn't last long. After a night of sleep, restless sleep, and a Sunday spent crying on him, it slowly faded into regret and shame. Liam knew he had very little to be angry with Theo. It is true, he had avoided him out of nowhere and all of sudden, he had decided to leave without even telling him and then he had talked to him as if Liam was a no one along his way, as much as the guy who was about to fuck in front of him. But he had literally drove Theo crazy probably for months.

It was not at all true that he hated Theo, it was probably the least convincing lie he ever told anyone or himself in his whole life, and that punch hurt him more than probably hurt Theo. But it was still difficult to pass over pride and be the first to apologize.

  
 

Theo then didn't make things easy at all, because neither Monday nor Tuesday he showed up at school. Sitting with Josh during the lunch break he caught the boy telling Tracy something like "he's packing" and he knew they were talking about Theo. The whole lunch Liam felt sick and he could not eat anything anymore.

That night he couldn’t sleep at all.

  
 

The next day even Mrs Finch seemed to want to strike out. At the end of the lesson she called him giving him back his essay, a striking red B standing out on top of the sheet. He looked at it in surprise, then looked up at the Finch who was _smiling_. "Whatever you did, keep doing it again next year, please" she just said. Liam swallowed, but he just nodded. What else could he say? That he was letting go _that thing_ 1000 miles away from him?

That he was letting go the only person in the world who had ever understood him, appreciated him, loved him for what he was, without filters, without tricks, without masks?

  
  
 

He couldn't get out of bed on Thursday. When Paul and Jenna asked him in the evening if he wanted to go with them to Morgan’s to greet them, to greet Theo, he said no, that he would do it the next day. But it was a lie.

He stayed home even on Friday, it was the last day of school, but he wasn't exactly in the mood for celebrations and stupid games, knowing that in a few hours Theo would leave forever.

And he couldn't stop looking at his watch. It was only two hours away ...

  
 

A knock on the door made him jump and turned as Mason peeked out. "Hey"

"Hey," his best friend echoed, sitting next to him on the bed. "How are you?"

Liam shrugged his shoulders, letting the silence stretch. Then Mason spoke. "Today Theo came to school" he just said, fast, as if he were trying to tear off the patch as quickly as possible. Liam looked at him hesitantly. "He wanted to greet everyone, he said."

Liam bit his lip. "Did ...did he asked about me?" He swallowed. Mason didn't answer. His eyes filled with tears again, and he knew that nothing was left of anger. "I ... I don't understand where I went wrong" he mumbled.

"Li ..." Mason sighed.

"You don't know how he looked at me, Mase. How he _spoke to_ me" he remembered, feeling the same anguish of that moment. "And when he told me he was going to be again someone I never wanted to know ... I don't even know how something like this came to his mind." Then his eyes widened. Because he _knew_ how it came from. "God, that's what I said to Hayden!" He exclaimed baffled.

"Hayden? What's Hayden got to do with this now?” Mason asked in confusion.

"On the prom night, in the stands." Liam stood up and began to walk around the room in a panic. "I told Hayden that if I could go back in time, I never wanted to know him." He stopped in front of Mason "Maybe he heard me ...?"

"Li, what the fuck ..!" Mason scolded him, beating the hands on knees. "Don't you ever watch movies, don't you know that when you say something like that, it goes without saying that someone is eavesdropping?"

"But there was not just this!" Liam protested, ignoring his joke "I said I wanted to be able to think like that, but if I had actually been able to go back, I would just have liked to give him that damn answer!"

"So fucking giving it to him!!"

  
 

Liam sat down again, thoughtful and depressed, and Mason stood up in response.

"Okay now Liam you have to listen to me!" he took him by the shoulders, catching his attention by speaking softly and carefully as you would with a child "Because I'm your best friend and I'm sick of seeing you crying right ?! What the hell are you doing here ?! You should screw everything and run to him! Tell him what you feel! Do you really want him to leave like this?” Liam stared at him wide-eyed. Mason rolled his eyes and continued in exasperation "You fell in love with someone so incredible that he changed you, that he finally made you believe in yourself, with such an incredible person who was willing to give up everything, to go even against the people he loves the most _for you_ , to improve _for you_! And I know what you're going to say now, but your mum... Paul ... they have nothing to say about this ... it's _your_ life! And even if they did ... they are your parents! They wish you were happy, I'm sure! You can find a way that is not putting 1000 miles between you two! Li ..." Mason took a breath "I told you I couldn't tell you what to do, but I can't watch you destroying yourself with your own hands ... There's a person out there who needs you how much you of him, and that ... it seems crazy to me to say it… that completes you and makes you happy! Do you know how many people would like such a thing in their lives? Don't let him go away just like this, please, _please!”_

  
It was as if a switch suddenly clicked into Liam’s head. God, he was so fucking stupid! He couldn't believe that he was seriously going to let Theo leave without at least telling him the truth, without telling him what he _really_ felt _._ Nothing about his stupid pride could stand the comparison. Theo had changed him, _Theo_ had changed, had protected him, helped him, stood by him and listened to him like no one had ever done, as if he really _mattered_ . Despite his refusal, he had never stopped thinking about his good. 

He had left his home because he could have his own space, he had proposed to try to be friends despite that made him suffer because Liam missed him, and now he was willing to leave everything and everyone always because of him. And Liam? What had he done for him? He hadn't even managed to be honest, never once. And Theo deserved the truth. Theo who had always been alone, Theo who had always kept everyone at a distance for fear of suffering, Theo who had always hidden behind a wall of indifference, Theo who was actually the best person Liam had ever met, _deserved_ to know that someone out there loved him, _really_ loved him .

Liam jumped up, and Mason looked at him in alarm, fearing that he had gone out of his mind completely.

"Mase," he called to him, his voice charged with tension. "When did you say it was the plane exactly?"

Mason gave a raised laugh mixed with exultation as he stood up and pulled out his cell phone. "Okay" he said a few seconds later "Today's only flight to Boston leaves Los Angeles in forty minutes"

Liam looked at him shocked "We'll never make it"

"Shut up" Mason pulled him by the wrist to the door without too much hesitation "I hope you are not afraid of speed"

  
 

*

  
 

Liam would usually have been _terrified_ by the mad speed at which Mason drove those miles that separated them from Los Angeles Airport, but at the time he was busy freaking out on his own for other reasons . He continues to look at his watch, leaning forward in the seat unable to relax and clapping nervously with his hands on the dashboard. When Mason braked in front of the departure terminal, he opened the door and got out turning then to his friend.

"What are you going to do now?"

"I think I'll come back home" Mason replied with a smile.

"What?" Liam asked confused. "And how-?"

"It's my way of saying that I hope things are going well for you! But if you needed, just call me and you know, I'd come and get you anywhere."

Liam smiled at his best friend, almost moved "Thanks, Mase ... for everything"

"That’s nothing dude, now run and go get your man!" Liam smiled, before obeying.

  
 

If there was one thing he was grateful for, it was that, since the days when almost every month he came to that airport with his dad, nothing had changed. So he ran fast through the entrance and the crowd and went straight to the information desk, without hesitation.

When he appeared like a fury  in front of the girl behind the counter, she was busy talking on the phone. "Excuse me!" He called her

"Wait a moment" she motioned to him absent-mindedly

Liam clapped impatiently on the surface with his hands "It’s urgent, when does the flight for Boston leave?" He insisted leaning forward. She looked at him annoyed for a moment before rolling her eyes. "Wait a moment in line" she said on the phone, before typing something on the computer. She then looked at Liam, and then at the large window that overlooked the runway. "I'm sorry" she said with a sad smile, pointing out "It's leaving right now" Liam turned just in time to see the plane take flight after a long run, while at the same time something in him sank down. He had got here too late. Like every damn time.

He vaguely heard the girl ask him if he wanted to book a new flight, but he didn't answer, walking slowly towards the window. He kept staring at the plane that was getting smaller and smaller as it flew away, as small as the chances he'd still have of seeing Theo again. It already seemed so far away ... Liam leaned his forehead against the cold glass. " _Shit_ " he grumbled in a low voice, barely holding back his frustration, frustration with just himself. Why had he waited for the last second? He had been a fool, an idiot, a fucking asshole, terrified, stubborn and proud, and now it was too late.

He kept thinking about the many things he would do if he was really able to go back in time, but the reason he was at that point now was just him. It had been all his fault, he would not have found himself wanting to go back if he had done what needed to be done, what he felt like doing, at the right time! He clenched his fists at his sides, trembling, he just felt the need to hit something, anything ...

  
  
  
 

"Liam?"

  
 

When he heard Theo's voice behind him, he almost had a heart attack. He was sure he was having hallucinations, but he turned around anyway. And in front of him there was Theo, a bag on one shoulder and the other hand pulling a suitcase, and looking at him with slightly tilted head and an almost perplexed expression. And he was fucking _real_.

"Theo ..." he said almost breathlessly, looking at him with his eyes wide open and his mouth half open, his heart pounding. "You're here ... I-" He turned briefly to look at the sky before returning to him "The plane ... I thought ...-" It didn't seem real.

Theo sighed in defeat, letting the heavy shoulder bag drop on the floor. "I ... I just couldn’t do it at the end"

  
 

Liam's heart sped up even more. He took a hesitant step toward him. "Holy shit" he sighed breathlessly, so in a low voice that it seemed more like he was talking to himself "I can't believe you're really here"

"Liam, why are you even here?"

Something in Liam's expression changed, going from stunned to determined. And he just began to walk, covering with bis steps, first uncertain, then steadier, the distance between them. Theo looked at him as he approached, his eyes widening at the other's steady expression and he withdraw, almost fearing that Liam wanted to give him another punch. But he didn't really have time to worry about it because Liam picked up the pace on the last steps and in a moment he was on him, grabbed him by the back of his head, pulling him against him and making their lips meet harshly. The suitcase Theo still held in his other hand fell to the ground with a thud as he staggered back slightly, taken aback. His shock lasted only a few seconds, because then he finally realized that _Liam_ _was_ _kissing him._ And he thought that it _was fucking about time._ And then everything else disappeared and Theo could just kiss him back

His hands clung to the fabric on his hips, then slid over his back, pulling Liam even closer if possible, while Liam wrapped his arms around his neck, standing on tiptoe. And they kissed again and again. And as he felt Liam tremble in his arms, his lips memorizing every little detail of the other’s, their tongues who were seeking each other, intertwining, like saving the taste, his hands holding each other, greedy, or maybe just scared that the other could run away, disappear at any moment, again, Theo thought that he had never felt like this in his life. And that was perhaps worth the wait.

  
 

Liam was kissing Theo, he was kissing him and he wanted to keep doing it, in that crowded airport. And the world had not stopped, it had not imploded, because there was nothing fucking _wrong_ , now he knew that. Everything was perfect. Everything was right. And he needed Theo to hear him say.

They kissed until everything began to spin out of control, until they seriously needed to breathe, and even then they moved away only a few inches, their broken and panting breaths mixing together. Theo's eyes shone when he met Liam's, who stared back at him, despite his flushed face. He needed to say it now. He swallowed, trying to catch his breath and find his voice.

"The question ..." he panted, still looking at him, his hands slipping to tighten on the fabric that covered Theo's chest. "The question ... that you made me that night..." he repeated more convinced "ask me again"

Theo looked at him confused only for a moment, before understanding. His face tightened slightly as his grip on Liam's hips increased. Theo also swallowed audibly.

"You ..." he whispered, he too still panting "Are you in love with me?" He then slowly asked. His eyes were watery now, and there was a note of despair mixed with hope in his voice, as he continued to stare at Liam as if he didn't want to stop basking in that sight.

Liam let out a breath, letting himself go to a smile and immediately nodding "Yeah.. yeah, I'm in love with you"

Finally the smile exploded also on Theo's face, and he moved one of his hands to the back of Liam's neck, pulling him in for another kiss. This time it was slower, sweeter, and less needy. They took their time, letting their lips slide over each other, nibbling and sucking, without stopping a second to smile. Finally, they let their fronts rest against each other. "I'm sorry .. if it took me so long ..." Liam said slowly.

"Liam.."

"No, listen to me ..." Liam took a breath "I was so scared at the idea of disappointing the people I care about, and still I am ..." His voice broke, tears slipped out slowly "but I want to find a way to make it work, because you are just as important to me, and I don't want to lose you. And it is not true that I would have preferred not to meet you! I ... the day I got to know you ... the _real_ _you_... I think I kinda found myself too. And I don't want to run away anymore.”

Theo looked at him mesmerized and overwhelmed, and pulled him into a breathtaking embrace. "Shit, I'm so in love with you," he admitted slowly against his shoulder. Liam clung to him as for his dear life. "I promise you, we'll find a way to make it work, Li. You're stuck with me now"

"Yeah .. " Liam laughed trembling against his shoulder. And if someone in the future asked him what real happiness was for him, he would say that he was in that moment, there with Theo, and no one else.

  
 

*

They were not ready to go home yet , and to give explanations. They decided to prolong that moment of peace and perfection a little longer. As the sun set, they took the first bus they found for Riverside, sitting in silence, leaning against each other, finally enjoying each other's company with a lighter heart. Once got back there, they climbed onto Theo's pick-up, driving without an aim until they decided to stop at Lookout Point, at the same spot where several months before they had stopped to look at the stars. As the sky grew darker and darker, they lay on the back of the truck, Liam's head resting on Theo's chest listening to the steady rhythm of his heart as Theo encircled his shoulders, playing with his hair.

"What are we going to do with our parents?" Theo asked at one point, his voice low as he turned his face from the stars to Liam. Liam raised his face to look at him. "We should tell them" he added.

"Yes we should" Liam sighed "But I guess...we should wait? I mean ... see if things work …?" Liam hesitated before smiling "You know, you might even get tired of me in a few weeks" he joked.

Theo laughed "I will never get tired of you" he said then, bringing his face close to his "I told you, you're stuck with me now" Theo laced his gaze with his, slowly returning serious.

Liam caught a sudden shadow of hesitation "What is up?" He whispered.

"I ... I don't know, I’m kinda... _afraid..._ every time I want to kiss you, I'm afraid you may run away from me again" Theo admitted. Liam felt his chest tighten and in response he leaned forward, catching his lips with his. Theo raised his free hand, which so far had rested on his chest, to hug his cheek and pull him close. Soon the kiss, at first slow and cautious, grew hotter. Theo shifted, pushing Liam so that now he was lying on his back, hovering above him, and nailing him to the bottom of the pickup with a needier kiss. Liam groaned against his lips as he wrapped his shoulders. He trembled slightly when Theo slowly slipped his hands under his shirt, brushing his warm skin on his stomach. Theo moved closer, making their hips meet and snatching another moan from Liam. Liam's grip loosened on his shoulders and Theo parted their lips, letting, now almost worried, wandering his eyes on his flushed and tense face. "Sorry..." he muttered.

Liam swallowed, his heart pounding in his chest. He didn't feel ready for _that_ , but ... probably Theo wanted it, and he _couldn't_ be no less, not again. "I-it's okay..." he stammered, blushing even more.

In response, Theo dropped his head on his shoulder, trying to catch his breath and control. He let go an affectionate half laugh "You don't have to tell me that just because you want to make me happy, you idiot" He raised his head again, looking at Liam seriously "Your first time ... _our_ first time .... he won't be on the back of my stupid pickup.” he smiled at him, gently running his hand through his hair. Liam closed his eyes at the touch as Theo laid his forehead against his "It'll be special"

Liam pulled him down again for a kiss, and he would continue to do it all night probably, if his cell phone didn't start to vibrate against his leg. They both groaned in protest, but Theo separated from him, propping himself up on his arms to give him a chance to take his cell phone.

Liam looked up at Theo in alarm "Shit, it's my mum"

"Well answer!"

Liam answered, and suddenly his mother was shouting in his ear. And she probably had a point, he had disappeared from home in the afternoon and now it was almost midnight.

"Yes, I'm sorry - I didn't die in a ditch, Mom, otherwise I wouldn't be answering the phone!" he moaned. Theo laughed silently, looking down at him. "Yes, ok- no- I- no, I'm with Theo"

His mother gasped on the phone. "Are you _in Boston_?"

Suddenly Liam remembered that Theo had to be actually on the other side of the country, and that maybe they should go home and talk about the news. "No! I am not-” he sighed wearily. "We'll explain later"

"And how long would it be ‘later’?" She snapped exasperated. He could almost imagine the way her eyebrow had risen

"Half an hour?" Liam tried

"Liam!"

"Okay okay, ten minutes!" He finally surrendered defeated.

"Will be better!" Jenna concluded threateningly, before closing the call. Liam threw the phone dramatically, looking back at Theo who was still laughing above him.

"You're in trouble" he teased him.

"Hey, look that you’re coming home too!"

"Well but I'm the prodigal son who comes home after so _muuch_ time," he joked with a smile "They'll be too happy to get mad at me"

"God .." Liam sighed throwing his arms around Theo's neck again "I'm already regretting this"

Theo smiled approaching himself "You're a bad liar, Dunbar" And he placed two light kisses on his lips. Then he looked at him fondly. "What do you say? Shall we go home?"

  
 

Liam just smiled at him. "Yeah… Let's go home."

  
 

TO BE CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess we can finally say that WE MADE IT!! 🎉


	21. Come full circle

As he slowly opened his eyes to the warm light filtering through his open window, Liam couldn't really name what he was feeling. It was something light, warm, pleasant, that made him feel full, happy, and rested like he hadn't felt in a very long time. He moved under the covers, his face half buried in the pillow, unable to stop the dopey, sleepy smile that was growing on his face.

He had kissed Theo. And Theo had kissed him back. He had finally brought Theo home.

 

He thought back to the moment when they had come into the house the night before, first Liam and then Theo, and he saw again the puzzled but almost spellbound expression of Paul. He had stood up from the couch, followed by Jenna. "What happened?" She asked, puzzled, looking at them both.

Theo had remained at the door of the living room, his bag on his shoulder, while Liam held the other suitcase. He gave them a brief glance, before saying, almost shyly. "I guess I changed my mind?" It made him sound like a question, as if he were asking permission to return to his house, the fool. Paul must have been thinking the same, because he immediately ran to hug him. And the rest of the evening had been a confusing succession of hugs and laughter and 'welcome back's.

  


_Everything is perfect,_ Liam thought as he turned in bed, never ceasing to smile to himself.  _I can't wait to tell Mason,_ it was the next thought. He couldn't help thinking that much of that happiness he owed to him. He picked up the phone, but saw that Mason hadn't text anything yet, neither the night before or now. He was probably leaving his time with Theo yesterday, and now he was waiting for Liam to finally tell him how it went.

  


On the other hand, one of Theo's was among the texts. Liam opened it immediately.  _Are you awake, sleeping beauty?_ He had sent fifteen minutes before. Liam's smile grew bigger as he answered back.  _I am now._ He pondered the idea of putting a few emojis with heart eyes because that was exactly how he felt at that moment, but he stopped. It was all so new to him, he didn't know how far he could go. The night before he had wondered if he would have felt some kind of embarrassment, knowing himself, about the idea of seeing Theo the next day, in the sunlight. But he found himself not  embarrassed at all. And that was new to him too. All he wanted now was to see Theo .

Probably Theo was on his own page because he immediately texted back with " _Your mother blockin the way"_ At that moment Liam noticed the steps and the movements along the corridor and the bathroom. Probably his mother was taking advantage of her day off for intensive cleaning of the house. Liam rolled over again, holding the phone high above his head, still smiling. He felt incredibly brave at that moment, so he typed quickly before giving himself time to change his mind.  _Too bad, I'm dying to see you._ Then he locked the phone and dropped it face down on his chest, his heart pounding. Two minutes later he began to fear he had done something wrong, because Theo had not yet answered. Five minutes later, he was about to pick up his cell phone, almost in a panic, to write something else, he didn't even know what, but stopped when he heard movement outside the window. His heart throbbed faster in his chest, his lips returning instantaneously to lean in a smile, in anticipation. He wasn't even surprised to see Theo's hands first, then his face, and then the rest of his body peeked out of the window. He just stood there, still lying down, staring at him.

Theo looked at him with the exact same smile, placing a finger on his lips to tell him to be quiet, as he climbed over the windowsill. Liam laughed softly, shaking his head fondly, never stopping to look at him. Theo approached slowly.

"You know, I had a dream that started like this once," Liam teased in a low voice.

"Ah really?" Theo retorted, in the same mischievous tone, as he put one knee on the bed, leaning forward "And exactly how did this dream continue?"

Liam's smile grew bigger as he raised his arms to meet theo’s body approaching, wrapping his shoulders "Like this" And he pulled him gently against him at the same time that Theo leaned forward, bringing their lips together in a sweet and slow kiss. Liam couldn't help noticing how their bodies seemed to move almost simultaneously, and how they seemed to be made to fit together. As he let his hands caress the hair on Theo's neck, he felt Theo's hands tighten around the fabric of his shirt at his hips, his knee now pointed at the mattress between Liam's legs.

They didn't stop smiling for a moment, not even in kissing. And Liam's heart did not stop for a moment from fluttering happily, and he could almost hear Theo's do the same against his chest.

  


After what seemed like an eternity, Theo separated from him, propping himself up on his arms and knees, but kept looking at him with a strange look. "What?" Liam asked him hesitantly, feeling nailed to the spot by both his body above him and his intense gaze.

Theo could not put into words what he felt at that moment, how damn frightened he had been from the moment he woke up two hours earlier, wondering if everything would be as perfect as it had been the night before, or what Liam would have done if had gone to his room, or had texted him. How terrified he was that Liam could change his mind, or run away if he went too far. Now, kissing him, having him there in his arms, he could only feel happy and smile like an idiot, looking at the wonderful boy below him. "Nothing" he replied in a whisper. "Just kiss me"

  


They continued kissing and kissing, until their lips were red and swollen and until they actually began to need to breathe again, and even then, Theo let himself fall next to Liam, lying on his side, facing each other, looking at each other in silence, while Theo was holding Liam's hand, playing with his fingers.

  


"You know, yesterday ... with all that has happened ..." Liam then began, always talking in a low voice, an ear always focused on his mother's movements around the house. Theo looked at him in wait "I didn't ask you what your mother said ... I mean, about your decision to stay here"

"She wasn't so surprised when I told her, you know?" He replied, with a giggle "I think she kinda expected it. She was more worried that I would have to go home alone on the bus" Then his tone faded back into a mischievous one "Fortunately then ... you appeared"

Liam looked at him seriously again. "You know ... I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't made it in time" he said a few seconds later

"Actually you didn't make it in time, the plane had left, remember?" Theo teased him.

"Oh shut up" Liam groaned with an exaggerated snort. "I was about to lose my mind, I probably would have bought a ticket for Boston"

"If you had the money you mean ... or if your mom didn't chase you then through the country" Theo joked, bringing his face back dangerously close to his.

"You know, I was starting to forget how unbearable you are," Liam remarked, pretending to be terribly serious. "Can I give you back?"

"No you can't, remember? You're stuck with me.” Theo put his lips again on his,  _hard_ and long, before moving away again.

"Hmm ... I think I can live with it," Liam joked, faltering, still dazed by all the kisses.

Theo laughed slightly. "Whatever" he resumed speaking after a few seconds, returning serious again. "We have a lot of things to talk about, but ..." He paused hesitantly, Liam looked at him expectantly. "I thought we could do it in a quieter place?" Liam looked at him frowning without understanding. "I mean, somewhere, just the two of us."

Liam looked at him with big eyes, his heart leaping in his chest. "You mean ... like some kind of date?" He asked.

Theo laughed again "Not a  _kind_ . I actually mean a date.”

Liam's heart sped up again. He feared that it could explode for happiness at any moment "Yes ... I mean, yes! Where? When?" He hastened to say, and perhaps he had sounded too eager because Theo laughed again. But there was no trace of teasing in him, but just pure and simple happiness. "Calm! We could go tomorrow, but where will be a surprise "

Liam groaned. "You don't want to tell me just because you don't even know it!"

"Maybe"

"Asshole" Theo laughed, and Liam gave him a light push on the shoulder, only making him laugh more as he responded by tickling his sides. Liam emitted an undignified squawk that was actually too loud.

"Shhh!" Theo ordered him laughing, his fingers froze on his hips as they stared at each other with wide eyes. Liam laughed back, this time lower, and when they made sure there were no suspicious noises outside in the corridor, they smiled again. "Sorry"

Theo looked at him softly, reaching out to pull back a strand of hair that had ended up on his forehead back. "What are you doing this afternoon?"

"Mason," Liam just replied, with a grimace almost displeased on his face.

"Oh, I get it, you'll talk about me, won't you?" He teased.

"Oh we will talk  _so much_ about you" agreed Liam.

"Well, at least if my ears fall off, I'll know why," he snorted cheerfully.

Liam laughed. "I'm sorry for you already"

Theo gave him another light and quick kiss on the lips before speaking "I think we should get down before ... you know ..."

"Yeah, right...." Theo pulled himself to sit and looked at him. "You go first, give me a signal of some kind if the road is not free" then he said dramatically.

Liam sat up too. "You're such a dork," he said affectionately, and before he could stop himself, he grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him into another quick kiss. "See you downstairs" he murmured against his lips, before getting out of bed and leaving the room in a hurry, a blush that colored his face.

  


Theo was stunned for a moment, before letting himself fall back on the bed, staring with a dazed smile at the ceiling, his heart beating rapidly as he delighted in the smell of Liam that enveloped him. He had never felt so happy in his whole life, and he was kinda scary. But it was also kinda exciting.

  


*

  


When that afternoon he rang the bell at Hewitt's house, it was Mason's mother who let him in, welcoming him with a smile, and immediately telling him that Mason was waiting for him in his room. As soon as he entered, Mason got up from the bed, with a sprint that would surely earn him a place in the lacrosse team if only he wanted to, and rushed over to him.

  


"Hey! Okay, spit it out!” He was practically hopping.

"Hello to you too, how nice to see you, Mason. How are you?” Liam said sarcastically. Mason dismissed him with a wave of his hand then went on almost threatening "Corey will be here in less than ten minutes, so be quick and I hope you have good news to give me, otherwise I'll lay you down seductively, I'll throw your body out of the window, I'll charge you in the car and I'll drop you in a ditch"

Liam looked at him squeezing his eyes "This was incredibly specific" he commented then, sitting down. Then slowly his serious face crinkled with a smile, "But no need"

"Oh come on," Mason groaned, hitting him on the shoulder as he sat beside him on the bed "Don’t keep me in suspense, what happened?"

"Well, '' Liam he mumbled "We kissed"

"Did you?" he asked, almost as if he didn't believe it.

"Kinda." Liam blushed, and Mason snorted in exasperation. "Now I want details though"

Liam's blush deepened. "Oh no, forget it"

Mason narrowed his eyes "The mere fact that you don't want to tell me anything else, tells me a lot, you know? What did you do? I'm pretty sure you went in sappy mode at the airport, worthy of one of those chick flick..." By then Liam was purple, and avoided his eyes. "I knew it! And ... Holy shit, won't you have sex, will you?"

Liam gasped shocked. "What?! No - where could we have done it anyway? In the bathroom of the airport?"

"It would definitely not be the strangest place Theo did it" he remarked.

Liam hit him on the shoulder. "Okay, sure ... I confessed, we kissed and we had sex in the bathroom at the airport. Is that really how you pictured the scene?"

"So you make me look like someone who fantasizes about his friends having sex"

"You kinda do that"

"Hey, I don't fantasize, I  _ship_ "

Liam laughed, shaking his head . And Mason did the same. "Anyway, seriously speaking ... are you okay now? No more Boston?"

"No more Boston" Liam nodded. "I told him what I feel and that I want to give a try, and we have a date tomorrow." He smiled in embarrassment

"Oh man, I'm so happy for you!"

"We didn't really talk about the situation, I know that sooner or later we should ... "

“You deserve a little time just for you, after all that's happened." Mason reassured him.

"Yeah, I think so too. And I have to thank you, you gave me the push I needed, Mase, I could never have done it without you.” Liam looked at him, eyes full of gratitude. Mason patted his shoulder.

"Whenever you want dude. That's what friends are for, right? This, and to make embarrassing speeches about you on your wedding day” he teased.

"You're fantasizing again."

"No" Mason shook his head eagerly "I'm  _shipping_ " And they both burst out laughing.

  


The sound of the bell distracted them. "This is Corey." Mason looked at the door before hesitating. "Now are you going to tell it ... to everyone else?"

"Maybe, but later. I prefer it to stay between us for the moment, is it okay?"

"Sure, I hate having secrets with Corey, but ... this is your thing, yours and Theo's, so I'll respect whatever you choose to do .. about our friends, and about your parents"

"Thanks, Mase"

"Nothing. So ... are you ready to lose against me and my boyfriend to Call of Duty again?"

"Are you shipping again?" Liam looked at him amused.

"No  _this_ is fantasizing"

  


*

  


As soon as Liam left home, after lunch, to go to Mason’s, Theo tried to fight the boredom and impatience, that it was already evening to see him again, going to school. He had to retrieve the last things from his locker and locker room and maybe yes, cancel his transfer request. Surely it would no longer needed.

  


The school was still open due to the supplementary courses and even though the classrooms were full of students, there was a strange silence in the corridors while Theo walked them to his locker. It was almost surreal. He was quickly slipping the few books and notes left in the locker into his bag, along with the signed paper that Principal Martin had just left him, when someone came up behind him, making him jump.

"Holy shit, Josh, do you want to kill me?" Theo snorted, dropping the bag at his feet, and in response to his annoyed look, Josh hugged him tightly and in a definitely embarrasing way. Theo stood there in his arms, not really returning it, his eyes resting on the few people in the corridor who stare at them with amusement.

  


"Okay Josh, that's enough" Josh let go of him, without stopping, however, to smile like an idiot.

"I can't believe you're really here," he said cheerfully. Then he corrected himself. "Actually, I was sure you would have changed your mind! I mean, fuck Boston, that city sucks."

Theo looked at him amused as he closed the locker and retrieved his bag. "But if you've never been there"

"Their basketball team sucks, how much can it be different?" Theo shook his head laughing. "So ..." Josh said a little later. "What made you change your mind?"

"Uhm nothing in particular" Theo replied evasive.

"Really?" Josh gave him a dull smile "So it has nothing to do with a certain blond guy with blue eyes and puppy face?"

"Fuck you Josh" But even he couldn't hold back his smile.

"Okay whatever, don't tell me anything" Josh snorted. "Anyway, I'm stuck in this prison for the next two weeks, but then you'll have to give me the best summer of my life, T," he said dramatically as they walked through the corridors. "And by that I mean, parties, outings, other parties and a few days in the beach house of my parents. I thought we could invite the whole gang.” He winked at him.

Theo didn't seem impressed. "Seriously? And where do you think we will get so many people in that place?"

"Would it be just for a weekend, and then who needs sleep?" Josh said clearly excitedly.

Theo rolled his eyes fondly. Honestly the idea was not that bad, especially if Liam was included in the "gang".

"About not sleeping" Josh looked at him winking "What do you say if we have a good game-night tomorrow? Just the two of us, all night, awake, music, beer, pizza ... "

"It's really a tempting plan, but ... " Theo shrugged, as they stopped in front of the classroom where Josh obviously had to enter now. "I already have something to do tomorrow"

Josh looked at him between suspicious and amused. "Something to do ... or  _someone_ to do?"

Theo didn't even answer, rolled his eyes in exasperation and walked away. Josh spread his arms looking at him. "Oh come on, you can't not tell me anything!" he whimpered. How dramatic.

Theo only gave him the finger without turning around, but he couldn't help but smile again.

  
  
 

*

  


From the moment Liam opened his eyes that morning, nervousness had begun to crawl under his skin, mixed with a good dose of excitement, which made his stomach churn and made him strangely hyperactive. Yes of course, that was not the first time he spent time alone with Theo, indeed, but it was their first date, as in an  _official date_ , like a  _couple_ . And he couldn't help feeling like he was about to have a panic attack.

In a normal situation, he would have called Mason and asked for advice about how to dress, what to say, what not to say, to get an idea of what he could expect, but it was a bit ridiculous, given that his date lived a feet away from him, and he could hear him, at one point, tell his mother that he and Liam would spend the day outside with all their friends, and they would be back late. For a moment he felt guilty again, but the nervousness and excitement were more disruptive inside him, and they definitely got the better. So after a quick shower, he chose a pair of jeans and a random shirt from his closet, trying to arrange his hair as well as possible, without risking his mother to suspect that it was something more than just hanging out with friends. Because you can't panic about going out with friends, everyone knew that.

  


When Theo knocked on his door, his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He hastened to open, and Theo looked at him, almost shyly from the doorway. "Are you ready?"

"Uh .. uh-uh," he replied, because he wasn't sure he could trust his mouth at the moment.

As they climbed down the stairs, greeting Jenna and repeating the lie they had invented, followed by a thousand recommendations from her, Liam couldn't help but think that it was certainly not his ideal image of how to start a date. He was not supposed to be lying to his mother, she was usually the one who teased him and joked when he had one. They were not supposed to come out of the same house together, he was usually the one who was picked up, not having the license. Of course, their parents weren't even supposed to be getting married in a month. It wasn't his ideal type of date, but, as he looked at Theo, breathtaking in his tight shirt and tight jeans, his hair carefully pulled back by the gel, his hands trembling slowly as he opened his pick-up door, he couldn't help thinking that at least he was with his ideal guy, he was finally with the person he liked, he  _really_ liked. And this seemed to make everything else disappear, that was enough to make everything just perfect.

  


As they drove, Liam peered out the windows trying to figure out where they were going. Finally he gave up. "So ... won't you really tell me where we're going?"

"Yeah," Theo gave him a quick glance before returning to the street, a smile tilted over his face. "You'll have to wait"

"All right" Liam shrugged and settled back against his seat. "I don't really care where we go, as long as we're together" Liam spoke with such lightness and naturalness that he probably didn't even realize the scope of his words. Theo looked at him for a few seconds with wide eyes, before swallowing and returning to the road, tapping nervously on the steering wheel. Seconds later, he was turning on the direction indicator, then stopping to the side of the road. Liam looked around first and then turned to look at him, puzzled. "Why are you sto-?"

  


Theo didn't let him finish, and a moment later he was pulling him against him in a hungry and messy kiss. Liam was petrified for just two seconds before melting into the kiss, his hand racing to huddle  _hard_ around Theo's shirt fabric, Theo's around his neck as they kissed each other with abandon, sucking and biting his lips, trying to pull each other even closer. When they parted away, they had heavy breathing and swollen lips again.

Liam looked at Theo with his eyes wide and bright, a blush that colored his face. Shit, they were just at the start of the date and he was already a mess. "Wh-why did you do that?"

Theo smiled then biting his lip as he continued to stare, enjoying the view. He shrugged slightly, simulating indifference "I realized that I hadn't kissed you today, and I was dying to do it"

Liam swallowed, his eyes sliding on Theo's lips almost by instinct. He tried to find his voice "Well ... ma- maybe we should leave again? You know ... we're kinda in the middle of the road ... kinda ... "

Theo smiled wider at the way Liam seemed so wrecked by a single slightly rougher kiss. "Yeah ..kinda." He said before leaning over and placing another small, quick kiss on Liam's lips. Liam instinctively closed his eyes to the touch, but Theo had moved away immediately after, sitting back on his place and restarting the engine, leaving him almost in suspense, needy and trembling. Liam slumped back against his seat, his heart pounding, wondering if it was normal for just one kiss to make him feel this way.

  


Meanwhile, Theo couldn't stop letting his gaze wander from the street to Liam and vice versa.

  


*

  


Several miles later, Liam could almost guess that they were headed for Sacramento. He didn't know what Theo was planning, but he remembered being there in the past, on a school trip. He seemed to even recognize some road, as he looked impatiently trying to understand where they were headed precisely.

When Theo turned yet another curve, Liam had a very vivid flashback of his own self in elementary school, and he understood. He turned to look at Theo, almost jumping excited on the spot.

"God, we're going to the Sacramento History Museum, aren't we ?!"

Theo gave him a sideways look. "You've finally got it" he teased. Then his face twisted into a tense expression "I know it's not the best for a first date, but I thought you would like it, given your  _unhealthy_ passion for history"

Liam ignored the veiled teasing and pulled forward in the seat, impatient "I really can't wait, though ..." He looked back at Theo, almost sorry "You don't really like history, won't it be boring for you?"

Theo smiled as he turned again, and finally the prominent building appeared in sight "I don't mind that much, and then ... like you said ... no matter where we are, as long as we're together, right?" 

Liam blushed, looking at him shyly "Yeah"

  


Theo returned to the street, tapping nervously on the steering wheel again, searching for a parking spot. Actually, everything he had planned for the day had a specific purpose, but it was not time for Liam to know yet.

  


As soon as he got into the first free parking lot he managed to find, he turned back to the other boy. He then assumed an criptyc expression "Are you ready for a dive into the past?"

  


*

  


When he was a child, Liam loved history, because his father loved it. He had been an art historian before joining up. And when he was away, he liked to flip through the books he kept neatly on the shelves to feel him a little closer. Growing up, that devotion had grown to become a real passion for him too. At first he only liked the idea of getting lost in other people's stories, for not thinking about his own, and he liked to learn every  little known detail to amaze his mother or his teachers. Then suddenly it stopped being an escape, but it became a kind of reassurance. While learning how every little action, every seemingly insignificant monument, every name hanging at the beginning of every road ... hid a story, a reason, a purpose, something that still managed to somehow influence the present, learned to do the same with himself. He was not defined by every sad thing that had happened to him in the past, but it was the sum of everything that every sad thing had taught him, where he had taken him. And it was not only the shy and awkward little boy that he seemed on the outside, because behind the appearance he knew he had a story, he had a purpose, and something that had brought him there, and he would take him somewhere some day. And so he never stopped praying that one day someone would try to go beyond that appearance.

And then Theo had come. Theo, who was the last person in the world that kid Liam would have imagined was that  _someone_ . And yet it was so.

  


And at that moment, being immersed both in history and in Theo's company made Liam feel like nothing else in the world mattered. They could have been there for hours - and it probably was that way - but Liam had no desire to leave.

  


They walked the corridors and rooms, Theo's warm hand intertwined with his and there was something incredibly reassuring even in that simple gesture. How to be anchored, like feeling simultaneously with feet on the ground and in seventh heaven.

  


And he realized that maybe he was letting himself get carried away a little too much, and that he probably hadn't stopped a second from babbling about history since they had entered, but he couldn't help it. He was as happy as ever. And the thing that made him even happier was the fact that Theo was  _really_ listening to him, interested, and he didn't look bored at all.

While he rattled off everything he knew about the gold rush in front of a painting, Theo was looking at him, a smile that tilted his lips, completely bewitched by him.

"I'm really impressed" he said, as Liam paused to catch his breath.

"Yeah right? It's really an incredible thing as the author managed to grasp the reality of-” Liam turned enthusiastically to Theo, noting that the other wasn't even looking at the picture. He snorted with amusement. "You're not even looking, Theo."

"Oh," Theo said, not even a little embarrassed. "I wasn't talking about the picture, I was talking about you."

Liam blushed slightly, while Theo tightened his grip on his hand pulling him closer to his side "You're so cute when you go into nerd mode" he said with a mischievous smile, approaching and kissing him slightly. "Cute, and also kinda sexy" 

Liam blushed even more, shifting awkwardly on the spot, not really knowing what to say. In the end he came out with an awkward "Stop it, you idiot" Theo's smile grew bigger in front of his embarrassment, then pulled him by the hand walking further forward. "Come on, I want to know more."

  


Liam let himself pull, and yes, he had  _never_ felt happier.

  


*

  


When they left the museum, Theo cheerfully informed Liam that the nerdy part of the day had not ended yet. And well, Liam couldn't be sorry. Theo told him that he had reserved a place for them on one of the Museum's afternoon visits to the Sacramento underground tunnels. But since there were still a couple of hours to go, they opted for a quick tour of the city, looking for something to grab for lunch. Eventually they found themselves back in a small McDonald's along the main road.

As soon as they slipped on the first free table they found, trays in hand, Theo immediately started attacking his fries. In fact, he had already started eating while they were waiting for the rest of their order. Apparently he was a firm believer in the fact that they had always to be eaten before anything else, and as quickly as possible, because, according to him, 'cold sucks shit'. Liam could not disagree, while imitating him, continuing to look at him fondly.

"You know, it’s so strange to think how much things have changed since we last ate here"

"Man, it was literally ten days ago" Theo teased him.

"Yup! But everything has changed" Liam protested defensively.

"Well if I remember, you panicked, you started babbling, you turned red like a pepper, and you asked me to prom" Liam blushed furiously. "See? Nothing’s changed" Theo grinned.

"You know, sometimes I really wonder what I-" Theo leaned over the table, pressing his lips hard against his, finally shutting him up. He grinned again as he walked away and saw the flushed expression on Liam's face. "You don't know how many times I wanted to shut you up like this"

"Oh  _you_ shut up" Liam pouted. It was so frustrating. Why was he the only one who felt so upset with every touch, with every kiss while Theo always kept a perfect calm? It was a constant reminder of how inexperienced he was compared to Theo. Theo who probably kissed, had touched dozens of different people before him. That thought became unbearable for a moment. So he pushed it to the back of his mind.

 

"Make me" Theo said boldly, leaning forward, inviting, and unaware of his inner discomfort.

Liam raised an eyebrow. "Oh yes? Okay” he hummed, leaning slightly, before grabbing a handful of fries and pushing them against Theo's mouth. He laughed as he walked back, looking at Theo, taken aback, who could keep some in his mouth, while the others fell on the tray. He looked at him unimpressed, the words that came out half choked between mouthfuls "It's not exactly what I meant"

"Oh well I'm sorry"

"Lii" Theo's eyes moistened a little as he swallowed his mouthful and looked at him almost disgusted "They are cold"

Liam grinned evil "I know"

  


*

  


Two hours later, as they walked listening to the tour guide who told them every little detail about the gold rush period, Liam looked around. Most of those tunnels gave him the creeps. Of course, they were a piece of history. But that didn't stop him from going to all the miners who surely had died there. Instinctively he grabbed Theo's hand as he approached. The other boy looked at him, raising an eyebrow before grinning "Will you not be afraid, will you Li?"

"I ...? Afraid? Uh, of course not!" He muttered unconvinced, continuing to look around cautiously.

"Yes, I totally believe that."

"Shit, someone once told me that these tunnels are haunted" he whispered then, throwing all caution to the wind.

"Yes, I know ... I told you that" Theo reminded him amused.

"What?" It was then that something in Liam's memory clicked. He had already been here. "Wai- we have already been here, and also to the Museum!"

"I thought you would have remembered it immediately, seeing your passion for history" Theo teased him.

Liam rolled his eyes. "Well, I probably removed it. You know ... You literally traumatized me that time, not to mention you pushed me into a fountain in front of hundreds of people." Liam's tone was amused, but Theo couldn't help blushing at the memory. Yes, he had been a real asshole in the past with Liam. But that was why they were here ...

Liam narrowed his eyes at him "So you recycled an old date non-date?" He joked.

Theo laughed, throwing a hand on his shoulders as they continued to follow the group "You’ll see"

Theo gave him that cryptic smile again. "Anyway, I wasn’t kidding that time. There are  _really_ ghosts here" he said.

" _What?"_

Theo just continued to laugh, pulling him a little closer.

 

*

 

As the afternoon drew to a close, Liam and Theo bought themselves an ice cream, walking along the river, stopping occasionally on a bench, kissing, resting on each other's shoulders, without the fear that someone might see them or recognize them. Without having to worry about hiding. They could only be themselves, and it was damn perfect. They talked about what had happened in recent weeks, Liam asking Theo if he would resume his work at the cafe now that he had decided to stay, which Theo wasn't sure yet, and Theo asking him about his Biology essay. This reminded Liam that he still had a debt to Theo.

 

So they bought some pepperoni pizza to go and stopped in a park, sitting at the foot of a big tree, eating in silence, while the last parents with their children left the place, the sun slowly setting.

"It 's nice here ... quiet" Liam whispered at some point, when the pizza cartons were thrown aside and the two of them were lying on the grass without too many problems, Liam’s face resting on Theo's shoulder, while he was holding one arm behind his shoulders, playing with his hair

"I would stay here forever" Theo grumbled in agreement 

"Yeah me too"

Theo paused for a moment on his hair, and moved slightly, almost hesitating. "Maybe ... we could stay here a little longer" he suggested tentatively.

"Uh?" Liam turned his head upward to see at least his profile. His expression seems tense. "We could stay here for the night. I have enough money to take a room. We should just warn our parents ... "

Liam's heart speeded as he swallowed. It was definitely not the first time he had slept with Theo, side by side on the same bed, but this time it looked different. More intimate. More ... full of expectations. Expectations that Liam was not so sure he could satisfy. He was damn scared, but he swallowed the uncertainty "Yeah ... okay ..." he grumbled. Theo, who had avoided his gaze until then, turned to him, looking almost surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah." He cleared his throat and then tried to play it down "It's not like it's the first time we sleep together, isn't it?"

Theo laughed lightly "Right" And started stroking his hair again. Liam moved closer, placing his head on the other's chest. He could feel the quick rhythm of Theo's heart under his ear, and he wondered if perhaps Theo was as nervous as he was.

 

"You know" Liam said a few seconds later "Yesterday Mason asked me if we were going to tell others now"

Theo raised an eyebrow, still looking at him "Do you want?"

"I ... I don't know. I mean, Mason knows, and probably Hayden and Tracy also have some ideas."

"Yeah, Josh has a lot of ideas too" Theo snorted, rolling his eyes.

"I hate the idea of lying, but I think we should fly low at least until we talk to our parents," Liam said hesitantly.

He heard Theo sigh, his chest rising and falling against the left side of his face.

"What do you want to do about our parents?" He then asked. And Liam knew they should talk about it sooner or later, but it was still difficult.

"I know we have to tell them." Liam said closing his eyes "It's right, they  _deserve_ to know. But ... I was thinking that ... we should wait"

"Li. I don't think it's a wise choice." Theo moved, rising slightly and balancing himself by placing an elbow on the grass. Liam imitated him, so that they were sitting facing each other. "I mean ... Someone could see us by chance or they could see us themselves. Trust me, it would be much worse if they found out like that ..." Theo hastened to say.

"I know, I know ... but ... it's just that there's no right way to say it. Whatever happens, whatever words we choose to use, nothing will change. We cannot expect them to embrace us happily by saying that they are content for us. In one way or another, it is  _granted_ that it will go wrong. So, I just think that ... we should wait at least after the wedding, after their honeymoon ... let him have this moment of joy completely their without any thought or concern ... they deserve it" Liam continued, his face troubled while trying to make Theo understand his point of view. Theo pursed his lips, looking at him. Then he nodded.

"Yeah okay"

Liam looked at him surprised "Really?"

Theo smiled fondly. "You want to be protective and considerate, you want them to be happy ... I can't really blame you for that."

He leaned forward and kissed him slowly and sweetly. One of Liam's hands cupped on Theo's cheek, responding to the kiss with the same abandon. He heard Theo push him back, and let him do it, lying back on the grass, while Theo hovered over him, still kissing him.

When they separated, Theo pushed himself on his palms to look into Liam's eyes. There was something intense in the way Theo was looking at him, and Liam could feel something frantic, electrifying to flow through his body. "You don't know how much I fucking like you" Liam felt his body tremble in Theo's arms, but he moved his hands up to wrap them around his neck. "Yes, I know," he looked at him softly. "I kinda feel the same way."

"Really?" Theo smiled. "So ... does that mean you had fun today?"

"Yes, I haven't had so much fun for a while." Liam lowered his eyes, biting his lips. "These last few months have been a bit messy. I probably didn't feel so fully happy since we went along that stupid Valentine's Fair." Liam laughed.

"It was kinda stupid, but you liked it" Theo teased him, continuing to watch him from above.

"Yeah ..." Liam's smile died slowly as he tightened his grip around Theo's neck. "I'm sorry if I messed it all up after that day"

"Li, we really don't have to talk about that an-"

"Yeah, we have to I ..." Liam blushed, staring at Theo's shirt collar to keep their eyes from crossing "I wasn't in a good place back then about myself. I felt like I was at the point where all I was doing was hurting the people I care about, or disappointing them. As if that was the only thing I was capable of doing. My dad, my mom, Scott, Hayden, even Brett ... and then you too. I was like running away from happiness because I thought I didn't deserve it, or because I thought I wasn't able to cherish it"

Theo swallowed "What made you change your mind?" Theo wanted to know. What had made Liam go from keep pushing him away to kissing him in a crowded airport?

"I don't know, Mason kinda helped... and also my mom, strangely ... and then at some point it's like the fear of losing you had become bigger than the fear of being a disappointment. I didn't want it to happen. I wanted to be ... happy for once."

Theo used the hand he still held on the ground to caress the side of Liam's face and his hair "And are you? "

"Yeah ... I am.  _You_ make me happy" Theo smiled and Liam mirrored him "So yeah, I fucking like you too"

Theo lunged forward, catching Liam's lips with his again, pressing him against the turf below him, while Liam pulled him close by using his grip around his shoulders. He heard Liam moaning against his lips, when his tongue made its way into his mouth, licking, sucking, nibbling every inch. Kissing Liam may have become his new addiction, because he would continue to do it forever, really. And he wanted  _more and_ _more._

 

Then a moment later he was wet. And not even in the fun way. He felt something cold on his back and raised his head, while all the sprinklers in the park turned on, splashing them completely. "Holy shit" Theo swore, while Liam laughed "Oh my god"

Still hovering above him, Theo watched him laugh, narrowing his eyes to prevent the water from falling into them "I didn't expect that" He said ironically

"Ok, I don't care.” Liam laughed harder as he pulled Theo again for another kiss, never ceasing to laugh.

 

*

 

When they came out of the park it was just after 10:00 pm, and their clothes were still damp, which clung annoyingly to their skin. Liam still laughed from time to time, and Theo couldn't help but imitate him. As they climbed into the car, Liam checked the phone, and saw that his mom had finally answered him, with a consent and an infinite number of useless recommendations.

"What did Jenna say?"

"We have to give her the number of the hotel we're staying in." Liam answered immediately, with an amused smile. Theo laughed.

Liam saw him fix the phone on the dashboard, Google Maps already open "Did you find any hotel?"

"I found a B&B, there is one with rooms still available a few blocks from here."

"Good" Liam said, without succeeding to completely hide his growing panic as he stirred in the seat.

"First though ..." Theo didn't seem to notice, though, because he was talking again with that grin on his face "... there's another place to visit"

Liam looked at him confused. "Really? At this time?” Then his eyes became suspicious. "I'm not going into a night club with you, just so you know"

Theo laughed. "It's definitely not what I was thinking."

"Have you ever been to a nightclub?" Liam asked immediately, before he could even think about it

Theo looked at him amused. "What?"

Liam shrugged, feigning indifference, even though he was already blushing "It was just a question"

"Do you think they'd let me into a night club?"

"Well you couldn't even buy 200 bucks of alcohol but you did it" Liam did, smiling at the memory.

"That was Josh, and ..." Theo blushed, focusing on the road. "Yeah, Josh may have given us false documents for such situations. But it was a long time ago"

"Really?" Liam asked skeptically.

"Last summer." Theo caught Liam's eye. "What? We were just curious."

"Yes, I imagine curious about what" Liam laughed, though he again felt that uncomfortable feeling. Theo had had so many experiences, with different people, surely a hundred times more experienced than him. How could he compete? He was fucking terrified by the very idea of undressing completely in front of someone else. Of course, this was not just  _somebody else_ . It was Theo. He could win the embarrassment. But right because  _this_ was Theo, he could not win the fear of making a fool of himself just as easily. Or not to look attractive enough in his eyes. Or of not being able to  _do it_ well.

 

When Theo stopped the car, Liam didn't even realize it, so engrossed in his thoughts, until Theo went around the car opening his door.

"You know, I didn't think you were one of those who thinks a man should always open the door."

Liam looked at him dangerously as he came down "Are you calling me a woman?"

Theo laughed "I was just kidding"

Liam then took notice to the place where they were. A square, almost deserted, with the exception of a few bar employees who were cleaning their place, and a man away, with a dog on a leash. "Where are we?" Then his gaze settled on the huge fountain in the center of the square and he widened his eyes when he recognized it. He looked at Theo halfway between the hesitant and the amused "Why are we here?"

"Come on" Theo took Liam's hand guiding him towards the huge fountain, and stopped only when they were dangerously close.

"Please tell me you're not thinking of throwing me in again," Liam laughed.

"Actually, the opposite."

Liam's eyes widened, baffled. "Do you want me to throw  _you_ in?"

Theo looked surprised "No!" Then it seemed to thing about it "Unless that's what you want"

"I don't want to throw you into a fountain" Liam commented amused.

"Good. Thanks.” Theo laughed, relieved.

“Okay, so why are we here?”

Theo took his hand again. He seemed tense and embarrassed. For a moment Liam was struck by the idea that Theo seemed about to ask him to marry him. He then mentally hit himself at the thought that such a ridiculous idea had even touched him. Was he going crazy?

"Here, you see ..." Theo whispered, looking down at his shoes. "This is the place ... where you yelled at me for the first time that you hated me." Liam looked at him taken aback. Yes, he vaguely remembered when he had shouted those three words, sitting on the bottom of the fountain, completely soaked, while every single person around him was laughing at him. Theo put his free hand to pull back his hair. "I guess you figured out by now, that I chose the same places as that stupid trip. I know it's a bit stupid ... and you've already said it a thousand times that I can't replace what it was, but- "

"Theo, you don't need to- I mean, it's in the past by now-"

"Let me finish. When I decided to do it, I wasn't thinking of replacing anything. You know, I think ... I wanted to bring you here ... I don't know.. Like to come full circle." He shifted closer to him. "We ... we had a bad start" Theo laughed because that was really the understatement of the century. "I mean,  _really_ bad" Liam couldn't help but snort, amused, in agreement. "But things got better, and I'm just here hoping they'll get better and better." Theo's hands slid over his hips and pulled him close.

Liam looked at him with a smile, his heart beating like crazy. "Well, and I thought it was me the sappy one" and then kissed him. And again and again. Until they had to part to catch their breath. Bright eyes and smiles probably printed forever on their faces.

 

And at that moment, as he felt happiness,  _love,_ invading every part of his body, he could hardly think of ever wishing for anything other than that with Theo.

  


Yes. Things had really changed.

  


*

 

On the way to the B&B, they quickly stopped at a 24-hour shop as the sign said. Having not planned to spend the night out, they were slightly short of useful items. Theo suggested buying only toothbrushes, toothpaste and body soap, and that they could do without pajamas, they could just sleep in boxers. This still made Liam even more conscious and agitated.

When they entered the B&B the old lady at the reception gave them a judging look and Liam felt even more under pressure. Even the old ladies knew better than him what was supposed to happen under the circumstances.

 

The room of the B&B was small and bare, not at all similar to the one they had shared during the trip to Yosemite Park, it had only a double bed in the center with two bedside tables on the side and a small slightly worn wardrobe. Liam noticed that the sheets weren't much better when he sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed. They also had a slight stuffy smell. But he certainly wouldn't be picky. Theo had barely paid $ 30 for that room after all. He looked around nervously as he waited for Theo to come out of the bathroom. He checked the phone as he did so, and saw that Mason had sent him a text a few hours before which said only  _Tomorrow I want details_ .

Liam smiled shaking his head as he typed  _I don't know when we'll be back, we're still out_

 

_Mason: Really? Will you sleep out?_

 

_Liam: Yeah, Theo got us a room_

 

_Mason: WHAT ?!_

 

Liam laughed.  _Liam: I can hear you shippin from here_

 

_Mason: you can say it loud_

_ok I'll leave you to your ... commitment ... then;)_

 

Liam blushed. He locked his phone by placing it on the nightstand when he heard the key turn in the lock and Theo came out of the bathroom. His breath caught when he realized that Theo was no longer wearing his shirt, which now swung tightly over his right hand. He pulled it casually on a ramshackle chair in the corner, and turned finally to Liam. His lips tilted into a smile when he saw that Liam was still sitting in the middle of the bed, fully dressed and totally taken aback. "Do you plan to sleep like that?" He teased, approaching. 

"Yes ... I mean, no ..." He blushed furiously, looking down at himself. Suddenly he didn't know what to do with his hands. He felt them squeeze the hem of his t-shirt, but they weren't actually moving to pull it away. He looked flustered at Theo. "Will you stay here staring at me?"

Theo smiled again, climbing onto the bed, one knee at a time and kneeling in front of Liam. "What? Do you want me to help you? ”he teased. Liam blushed. Perhaps it was he alone who was becoming over-conscious, there was no need to get so worked up just for that. He pulled the shirt tentatively, then stopped immediately, his heart throbbing painfully. Liam felt Theo's hands brush his fingers lightly, before squeezing in turn around his shirt. Liam swallowed as Theo, without stopping for a second to look into his eyes, helped him finally pull off the t-shirt. He let Theo take her and then throw her somewhere in the room, while his gaze kept on Liam moving from his face to his chest. Liam was sure that even that was red now, and he felt strangely vulnerable and exposed, under Theo's intense gaze.

"Can I kiss you?" Theo asked in a whisper.

"Si ... since when you ask my permission to do it?" Liam peeped, almost breathless.

"Since I’m afraid you could run away at any moment"

"You ... are you afraid?" Liam looked at Theo, almost in disbelief. Actually, even Theo seemed to be conflicted.

"I'm fucking terrified" he whispered.

Liam swallowed. "I'm not going anywhere" And he really meant it, no matter what would happen or not, he wouldn't run away. No more.

"Well," Theo whispered again, before throwing himself forward. He cupped it to the sides of his face, kissing it greedily and full of desire as he pushed forward. Liam hit the mattress with his back, his head sinking into the worn-out pillow. He kissed him back, with the same need, but that feeling of anxiety didn't want to disappear. He held his hands half suspended in the air, not sure where to put them. And when the kiss heated up more and more, Theo's hands went down greedily along his body, caressing him, exploring him, his hands shook instinctively on the sheets under him. His breath stammered, holding back a groan, when Theo moved his lips to his neck, leaving a series of kisses and bites there too. When he greedily sucked a strip of skin there, Liam could no longer restrain himself. He gasped, his hands snapping to rest on Theo's shoulders. He closed his eyes, torn between embarrassment and pleasure, between pulling him closer and pushing him away. He felt his face on fire, and a start of erection under his jeans, which only made him more nervous. Then Theo, who until that moment had hovered over him without really making their bodies touch, let himself slide on him, his head still hidden against the hollow of his neck, kissing it, and rolled his hips in search of friction, panting against his ear something that sounded vaguely like his name. He could also literally  _sense_ Theo already half-hard against him too, and that sent a jolt of pleasure down his spine.  _Shit, shit, this is really happening,_ he panicked. He felt his body stiffen, and he closed his eyes again waiting. He wanted this, he wanted this too...

"Li" Liam mentally noted that Theo's wrecked voice had to be considered illegal. It wasn't helping at all. He opened his eyes again and saw that Theo was staring at him. His breathing was short, but he no longer had that intense and almost ravenous gaze of just before. He seemed ... mortified.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, before raising his arms again to push his body away from Liam's. Liam's heart lost a beat, on the one hand due to the loss, on the other because he honestly didn't know exactly what he was apologizing for. He should have felt mortified. He was the one who had killed the mood with his hesitation. "I ... I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do" Theo continued, guilt that oozed from his voice.

Liam stirred. "N-no! I ... I  _want_ it, you ... you didn't do anything wrong!" He blushed even more, looking down. He felt like a real idiot "It's my fault, it's just that- I-"

Theo smiled, brushing his cheek with his hand and making Liam look back at him. "It's okay. It doesn't matter." He said. "I mean, well, sure it  _matters_ , but ..." Theo corrected himself, then sighed. "What I mean is that it's not just sex, for me, not this time ... so if and when you're ready, we'll do it" Theo assured him gently. Liam looked at him, embarrassment and emotion that boiled in him making his eyes wet. Then he nodded weakly. Theo leaned forward again, kissing him lightly on the lips. "Do you want to go to sleep?" He asked then, rolling on his side beside him.

"Y-yes ..." Liam rolled over to lie in front of him. He looked at him unsure for a moment. "Ca-can I hug you?" He asked.

Theo smiled "Since when do you have to ask my permission?" Liam didn't answer, just smiled, approaching and laying his head on Theo's chest, letting himself be embraced and melting into the pleasant feeling.

He still could not completely push away that feeling of guilt mixed with embarrassment. But Theo was right, he needed to be ready, and things would get better. And surely with a little time he would have felt safe even doing  _that_ , as much as he felt now wrapped in Theo's arms.

 

TO BE CONTINUED

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the wait, I really struggled with this chapter! 
> 
> By the way, if you noticed, I changed the rating for the next chapters, and actually I'm not quite sure about the number of the chapters anymore. I got lost in the writing and probably 25 chapter will not be enough.
> 
> Hope you like it, remember to leave a comment, positive or negative. They really make my day! :*


	22. All I could ask for

"Okay. How much time we have?"

They had just returned home after spending the morning among florists and catering agencies. The wedding was nearing by now, and there were the last details and confirmations to deal with and it was usually up to them, given that both Paul and Jenna were hopelessly absorbed by work and didn't have much time. 

As soon as they set foot in the house, Theo had pulled hastily Liam by the hand, guiding him up the stairs and then into his room. With a gentle push on his chest, he made Liam sit down on the bed, and he fell into it with a soft _thump,_ never stopping a second to look at him almost with greed, his mouth slightly open, waiting.

"Mom's shift ends in twenty minutes" Liam replied, a little worried, but eager, while Theo, with his typical smirk on his face, climbed onto his lap. "Good" He took his face in his hands, pulling him closer. "So we have time"

A moment later Liam was sliding backwards, falling on his back in the middle of the bed, Theo hovering over him, nailing him to the mattress with a yearning kiss. Liam grumbled against his lips as he let himself fall into the kiss, his hands rushing into Theo's hair, sometimes pulling them, sometimes stroking them in an attempt to get him closer. Theo’s hands moved greedily along his whole body, while he licked his lower lip, as if asking Liam's permission to let him in. In response, Liam parted his lips and tightened his arms around his neck, pulling him closer and making him lose his balance on his knees. Theo grumbled when he fell completely on him, the bodies of both hot and in need of contact, while their tongues finally met in the best way. Theo's hands moved over Liam’s hips, tentatively slipping under the other's shirt, finally brushing his hot skin.

"Is this okay?" he gasped. He pushed himself away only a few inches, meeting Liam's eyes, and admiring his swollen lips and flushed cheeks. He didn't want to risk doing something that could even remotely make Liam feel uneasy. He knew well that they would do nothing, neither now nor in the near future. He just needed to _feel_ Liam closer.

Liam had to feel the same way because he nodded quickly, and his hands moved from his neck all along his back, and back up again, this time under the fabric, lifting it a little. His skin burned wherever Liam touched him, and he couldn't help thinking about how he would feel when he eventually made him his own. If all it took was just a kiss, and some brief touch, to make every single fiber of his body burn down, to bring him close to the edge already, he didn't dare to imagine how the _afterwards_ was. But he tried not to think about it, silencing his mind, leaning forward again and kissing him again, this time slower, but still _deep,_ while Liam kept stroking his back.

When he finally managed to step away from those addicting lips, Theo smiled at the boy below him, glancing quickly at the watch tied to Liam's wrist, resting against his bicep. "See? I told you we had time"

He met Liam's eyes, who were staring at him, wide-opened, almost like studying him. He was torturing his lower lip, and seemed kinda embarrassed.

Theo began to worry. "Hey, what's up? That was too fa-?”

"No!" Liam hastened to say, shaking his head beneath him "I- I- well, I’d just.. like-" Liam squirmed in embarrassment, swinging his gaze between Theo's eyes and a point farther down.

Theo smiled. _I would like_. He liked that word, especially if it came from Liam's lips. "What do you want, Li?" he asked softly.

"Uhm-" Liam's blue eyes slipped down again, this time stopping allusively at his neck. "Can I-?"

Theo's smile widened. "Do you ... wanna... give me a hickey?" he suggested, kinda smirking.

Liam blushed, but nodded. "I want to mark you so everyone can see it" he admitted.

Theo's heart skipped a beat. "Okay" he blew quickly. Liam could go from being embarrassed and shy to being determined and bold in a way that always left him speechless.

He let himself be pushed against the headboard, and Liam sat down on his lap, immediately catching his lips. Theo pulled him closer grabbing by his hips, while Liam without hesitation turned his attention to his neck, licking and sucking carefully. Theo stifled a groan, wrinkling his fingers against the fabric of Liam's shirt, half-closing his eyes at the feel of Liam's lips on his skin. He was already half-hard, he could painfully feel it against the crotch of his pants, and that wasn't exactly a good thing at the time.

  
 

When Liam pushed back from him, admiring his work with his face on fire, Theo grabbed him by the face and pulled him into another hungry kiss. Then he walked away, smiling at him, and Liam did the same.

  
 

"It suits you" he said, looking back at the skin of Theo's neck that was beginning to turn red and brushing it slightly with his fingers

"Do you know? You can be really evil when you want" Theo teased him, giving him another light kiss. "But we need to stop now, otherwise I'll have a little problem that won't be solved in the five minutes we have left" Theo joked.

"Okay" Liam laughed a little breathlessly as he came down from Theo's lap, sitting down beside him. Seconds later, he looked at him sideways "You know ... 'm sorry"

Theo looked at him curiously "Sorry for what?"

"If ... uh, I mean..." Liam twisted his hands in his lap, awkwardly  "if I make you crazy ... with this thing... you know ..."

"Don't even say that, Li" Theo looked at him strictly "It's not what I meant, you know..."

"Yeah ... I know..." Liam replied weakly

"I'm happy with what you feel comfortable with" Theo said to him quietly, placing a hand on his knee fondly "Kissing you, even having you like this ... is much more than I thought I could have" he admitted honestly.

Liam's heart sped up, and his lips tilted into a beaming smile. Then he leaned sideways, kissing Theo again softly. When he walked away, he gave him a playful smirk "You're so sappy"

Theo snorted eagerly "Shut up, you love it"

Liam's smile widened "Yes, I do" he whispered

Theo leaned over and kissed him again, this time more deeply. Their bodies weren't touching, it was just a touch of lips, but it seemed enough to drive him crazy. He could almost literally feel electricity passing from one body to another.

When they parted, Theo looked at him, again a smirk on his face "You know, I didn't really expect you to be so good at this, you surprised me, I have to tell you"

Liam scoffed, faking outdrage, crossing his arms in the chest "I kissed people before, Theo!"

Theo raised an eyebrow, smartass "Ah yeah? And let's hear, how many?"

"Uh ... well ... I can't remember them all" Liam said vaguely, trying to sound haughty. Theo's eyebrow rose even more, if possible. Liam rolled his eyes, giving up. "Okay, four."

"One of these is Mason, isn't it?" Theo said, smiling more. "And another one is me"

" _Uh_... uh-uh" Liam groaned. Theo laughed. Liam hit him lightly on the arm. "Hey, it doesn't count the amount of people, but the amount of _practice_ " protested Liam. "And trust me, I've done enough practice with Brett."

Theo's smile turned into a grimace. "Don't mention that asshole to me. The only thought that _he_ was your first kiss is gross"

Liam laughed "You know, you can't really be jealous of Brett when only _yesterday_ that _girl_ followed you all over the place, not getting off of you for a second" he replied, trying to sound indifferent.

He wasn't at all.

Theo widened his eyes. He didn't think Liam had noticed, since he hadn't mentioned it at all for the whole day. Then he smiled. "And now I know where the idea of ‘ _mark me_ ' came from." he said, air-quoting that two words. He sounded too smug for his tastes, but Liam could only blush, mumbling an embarrassed "shut up"

Because it was true.

He had to spend the evening watching that _girl_ follow Theo throughout the Sinema, stuck on him as a mussel, with her breast strategically in plain sight and her way too short skirt. She hadn't got away from him even for a _moment_ , thus preventing them from slipping away into a more reserved place for a few minutes like they always did during such outings.

It was frustrating. So much that Mason at some point had to push him out, before his obvious annoyance became public knowledge, ending up overthrowing the girl in question a drinks over her head or something like that. Josh, Tracy and Hayden were already pretty suspicious, thanks.

Theo leaned back toward him, smiling "You know, you're cute when you're jealous"

"I'm not _cute_ " Liam said with a pout. Then he realized. "And _I am not_ jealous"

"Yes, you are. _Both of them_ " Theo leaned in to kiss him again, when someone was heard opening the door downstairs. A second later Jenna was shouting "I'm home!" to anyone within earshot.

Liam smiled smugly as he put a hand on Theo's face, stopping him and gently pushing him back, before jumping off the bed. "Time over, asshole" he teased him, tapping his watch with his finger and slinging himself out of the room.

Theo watched him go, speechless. "I fucking hate you" he snorted

"I totally believe that" Liam's voice answered from the corridor.

  
 

*

  
 

"Holy shit" Mason said at one point, raising his head slightly from the sunchair by the pool, and raising his sunglasses a little, as if they prevent him from seeing well in some way.

Distracted from his moment of relax on the chair next to his best friend’s, Liam opened his eyes, blinking for the sudden light, and turning to look astonished at Mason. "What?"

Mason looked at him impressed "Theo is _really_ on fire"

" _Mason_!" Liam gasped shocked "Now you too ?!" he whined.

His eyes darted towards Theo, who must have just come out of the pool in a sexy model mode, seeing Mason's expression. Apparently he had decided to accompany Josh to the supermarket to stock up on beer and snacks for all of them.

  
 

"Sorry" Mason raised a conciliatory hand, putting his glasses back on while Josh and Theo made their way to the depandance to change into their dry clothes "but knowing how to appreciate a handsome boy is in my nature, I can't help it" he said quietly, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah, ok, but drool over your own boyfriend" Liam did with a frown on his face. Mason laughed.

"By the way, there’s something you would like to tell me?" Liam looked at him, still not sure whether to be angry or not "Maybe about that showy mark magically appeared on Theo's neck?" Mason continued mocking.

Liam blushed, rolling his eyes "It's just a hickey"

"So you weren't just ‘marking the territory’?" Mason continued laughing. "With the girl from the other night?"

"With her and the rest of the world," Liam huffed bitterly.

Mason turned to him raising an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

Liam sighed, sitting up, his back to the pool and just looking at Mason now. "Mase, it's so hard to compete" he whimpered.

"Compete?" Mason looked at him without understanding, sitting up again, finally serious.

Liam nodded hesitantly, shrugging his shoulders and lowering his voice so as not to be heard by the other three. "Theo has a lot of ... _experience_... but I barely know how to kiss, and at most I can do a few hickey" he nodded vaguely to the depandance. "How can I think of ... doing _more..."_ Liam's eyes widened to the word allusively, a slight blush on his face " _..._ if I already know that when it happens, I will be a total disappointment for him?"

Mason looked at him with a half-baffled laugh. "Liam, what are you sayin’ - why should you be a disappointment?"

Liam rolled his eyes with a tormented groan "How can I compete with the dozens of people with whom Theo had ... had _sex_?" His face twisted into a grimace "They must have been all sexperts and I will suck" he concluded quickly.

"Sexperts?" Mason repeated, unable to keep himself from laughing.

Liam blushed more, pouting "It’a a real word, and then you know what I mean!"

Mason sighed "I just think you're scared, and it's normal, it's your first time. And Theo knows this very well. Trust me that when the time comes, he'll have more important things to think about than the dozens and dozens ... and dozens ... and _dozens_... of ' _sexperts'_ people he met before you” he declared, air-quoting 

Liam glared at him. "You're not helpful at all Mase"

"Sorry, I was just trying to ease the tension" Then he came back serious. "Anyway, that doesn't mean that I'm not right. You've only been together for two weeks. And Theo likes you, _really_ , and he has shown it many times. Especially the other night, when he didn't even _look once_ at that girl who followed him like a dog. He only saw you" Mason said simply. "And this won't change, sex or not sex"

Liam looked at him still kinda skeptical. "Do you really think that?"

"Of course," said Mason, convinced "Li, sex is not all in a relationship" Liam already felt much better. Okay, maybe he wouldn't get mad at Mason for the out-of-place comment about Theo.

  
 

"Bullshit" Nolan's voice came from behind them. The two turned abruptly towards him, seeing him leaning with both arms by the pool, watching them with a dreamy smile. "Sex is _everything_ "

Liam looked at Mason, deadpan "Can I drown him?" "Nope"

Alec and Corey laughed as they reached Nolan. "And what do you want to know?" Alec teased him, splashing him. "You never did it!"

Nolan looked at him smugly. "That was _before_ "

All four looked at him bewildered. You could see a mile away that he couldn't wait to shout it at the rooftops. "Oh my God," Corey laughed 

"No way. You and that _bi-_..." Liam gasped scandalized. "...- _ee_ utiful girl did it ?!" Mason looked at him amused, barely holding a laugh

Nolan didn't seem to notice. He slid backward floating on the water, nodding and smiling like a fool. "Yeah"

"And when?" Alec asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Last week"

"So ... are you together?" Liam asked weakly. He couldn't believe that Nolan had also joined the dark side and now he was the only idiot left on the other side.

"Well ... actually no" Nolan answered quietly. "We see each other often, but we never talked about being official, so..."

"And you're okay with it? I mean, it was your first time, shouldn't it be a ... special thing?" Liam asked doubtfully.

"You're too sentimental, Li" Alec chuckled. "And then sex without feelings can be very _special_ , you know"

"Yes, but sex with feelings is something else", Mason interrupted, looking at Liam allusively. And he widened his eyes, meeting Corey's gaze for help. "Sure, Mason is right," he nodded quickly.

Alec snorted. "This is because you are a couple, which means long-term guaranteed sex, not everyone have this luck, you know"

"So when did you last do that?" Nolan asked, too curious.

"Last month, prom night" Liam's mind went to the girl Alec was dancing with that night.

"Ah-ah! I beat you"

Alec squirted it "Shut up, you have a way to go to reach me, asshole"

Liam bit his lip, lowering his eyes to his hands clasped in his lap. Possible that only for him was a problem? Was he really that clueless?

"Anyway," Nolan said, catching Liam's eyes again. "for me it was not without feelings, I _like_ Amber , and besides that..." He shrugged and looked at him. "It is different when you date someone who is not at their first time. Sex is kinda a need right? And I knew that if she didn’t get what she wanted from me, she would have gone looking for it from someone else. I didn't want to risk"

Liam eyes’ widened. _What?_ Those words hit him full. He felt his heart speed up, along with a wave of growing panic. He hadn't thought of that! It kinda hurt thinking that but, it was true, Theo was _used_ to having sex. Is it possible that he felt the need? God, was he torturing his boyfriend? Is it possible that if Theo didn't get what he wanted from him, he would go looking for it with someone else? _No no that was-_

There was a literal war in Liam's head at the time. He did not even notice that Josh and Theo had got back. The two approached, handing them fresh beers.

  
 

"So ... what were you guys talking about?" Josh asked quietly, taking off his shoes and sitting by the pool near Nolan. Theo followed suit shortly thereafter.

Liam looked at them in alarm as Corey, Alec and Nolan responded all together easily: "Sex"

Josh looked at them in shock. "Well that's a subject I like" he said, taking a sip of beer.

Liam blushed as Theo met his gaze, amused. "And what’s Liam's contribution to this conversation?" he teased him.

Liam felt a weight sinking into his stomach. He knew that Theo meant no harm, but those words didn't help at all to improve his situation. He felt more and more uncomfortable.

"Liam is a sentimental, who wants his first time to be with a special person who will probably never come" Alec replied with a smirk.

"Will come at last" Theo said back, giving a little smile in Liam's direction. His heart leaped into his chest, and he looked away. All that conversation was definitely slipping out of their hands

"And you Josh? When was your last time?" Alec asked cheerfully.

Exactly. Liam looked at them briefly, trying not to feel excluded from that exchange of confidences among friends. The worried look Mason was throwing at him made him realize he was failing miserably.

"Two days ago" Josh answered smugly, drinking again.

"And what about yours, Theo?" When Alec moved his gaze to Theo, everyone, including Liam, turned to look at him expectantly. Liam wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

Theo also looked uncomfortable. "Uh ... in... December" he replied.

Everyone looked at him in astonishment. "Really?" Mason asked bewildered.

Theo shrugged, feigning indifference.

"I never would have said that" Nolan commented.

Alec looked at him sympathetically "We need to find you someone to fuck with" he said like it’s nothing. Theo laughed. Liam choked on his sip of beer. Mason patted him on the back.

"I'm perfectly capable of finding it by myself, thank you" Theo snorted, amused.

"Doesn't seem like that to me," Nolan said, laughing. Theo gave him the finger with a dark frown.

"If I was you, I would be so fucking frustrated by now" Alec echoed, sounding almost sorry.

"Okay, will you stop talking about my sex life ?!"

"You mean your _missing_ sexual life _,_ right?" Josh teased him, looking at him with a smirk. Theo was sure he was thinking of the stupid list again. He rolled his eyes, and then without warning, he pushed Josh into the pool fully dressed and with all the beer.

Josh resurfaced spitting water, and blinking, the beer still strictly in his hand. "Oh, I'll kick your ass for this, Raeken"

  
 

A few hours later, when Mason and Corey were already gone, and Nolan had reached Amber somewhere, probably at her house, Liam thought with a grimace, he and Alec sat quietly by the pool. Liam glanced at the depandance where Theo and Josh were ordering something for dinner, and then returned to Alec. There was a question that he was dying to make him, but he was still wondering if he was socially accepta-..

"How can you know if someone is sexually frustrated?" he asked suddenly. Alec looked at him as if two heads had popped up.

" _What_?" he laughed, bewildered. Liam blushed without daring to say more. "Why do you ask?"

"So" Liam shrugged, trying to push back the embarrassment. "Just out of curiosity"

Alec was silent for a moment before laughing slightly again. "Well, it's easy for us guys" he said cheerfully. "Just check the history of the internet searches, if you get my drift”

Liam would have preferred not to get it

*

That evening, taking advantage of Jenna being at work, and Paul closed in his study working, Liam and Theo cuddled on the bed, watching a random movie. Liam wasn't really paying attention, still too overwhelmed by the day and the amount of information. He turned in Theo's arms, admiring his profile lightly lit by the TV light. He bit his lip, letting his eyes wander from his full lips to the thin nose, from the soft hair that fell over his forehead to the eyes that in that situation seemed incredibly dark and deep. He thought back of Theo coming out of the pool, dripping with water, almost beaming in the light, breathtakingly beautiful. It was almost unfair that anyone could be so handsome. It was normal for anyone to want him. Probably he had to consider himself lucky. But the thought of those who _had had him,_ despite Mason's words, was still vivid in Liam's mind, making him constantly feel a step back, duffer, unfit.

"Can I ask you a question?" Liam whispered at one point. Theo finally distracted himself from the movie and turned to look at Liam, crouched on his shoulder.

"Of course," Theo said , now looking at him curiously.

"Um ... what you said before ..." Liam blushed slightly "that your last time was in December ... was it true?"

Theo looked at him in surprise. "Yeah ... why should I lie?"

"It's just ... I thought you ... and Amber ... that time ..." Theo laughed lightly. "Why are you laughing? There's nothing to laugh about" Liam pouted.

"Do you know how that day really went?" Theo laughed again.

"I don't know if I want to know," Liam snorted.

Theo put a hand on his face, lifting it up to look him straight in the eye.

"We were kissing and I stopped" said Theo, very serious. Liam looked at him in surprise "Because I couldn't stop thinking about you"

Liam's heart skipped a beat. "And Tracy?" he blew out. "You kind of broke much later"

Theo sighed, looking almost uncomfortable. "Do you really want to know?" he asked, and seemed almost shy.

"Yes," Liam replied quickly, nagging.

"Okay, you dork" Theo scoffed. "I stopped sleeping with her when I realized I felt something for you," he admitted later.

Liam smiled "Really? And when was it?"

"You know, you said _one_ question" Theo snorted ironically.

" _Please_ , Theo" Liam looked at him with his puppy eyes, leaning up with his elbows against his chest to look at him better. "Tell me" Theo rolled his eyes.

"Okay" he surrendered with a sigh "It was at Christmas party"

Liam looked at him confused. He had imagined it might have happened when he got sick or on New Year’s. "Why the Christmas party?" He didn't remember anything particularly significant happened then.

Theo bit his lip, looking at him before sighing again. "When I dragged your drunken ass into your room, you ... you told me you thought I was nice. And you asked me to stay with you, and ..." Theo stopped.

"And what?" he urged him curious. His memories of that evening were very confused.

"And you kissed me"

Liam looked at him startled "What?" he whispered. "It's not true!"

Theo laughed at his expression "Yes, you did! You told me I owned you a kiss"

Liam blushed, looking at him shocked "Oh my god, why didn't you ever tell me ?!"

"What should I have told you?" Theo laughed again "You were too wrapped up in Hayden, and even if I had told you, you probably got angry with me, or you would have puked, _again_..."

Liam hit him lightly on the chest, because he remembered _that_ , and he didn't really need to think again.

"Hey," Theo called softly, and Liam looked at him. "I didn't tell you then because I didn't want to be a bother to you. And I didn't want to be selfish. But that night, you were _happy_ with me as if you felt free to be yourself, you asked me to stay as if you kinda felt _safer_ with me, you kissed me like you actually _wanted_ me in your life, and I realized that it was all I wanted."

Liam's heart sped up as his lips twitched into an almost moved smile.

"And it is like that. I am _happy_ with you, _I’_ m _myself_ , I feel _safe_ with you, and I _want_ you in my life" Liam repeated slowly. He bit his lip, faltering, "And it's been like this for a long time"

Theo swallowed, while he kept stroking his hips almost out of instict. "Since when?" he asked, his voice kinda broken. "Since when is it like that for you?" he repeated again in a firmer voice.

"I'm not sure. Maybe when you stood between me and Gabe, or when you waited for me to leave the hospital the day I finally went to Scott, or maybe even before ... when I left Hayden because you were sick and you didn't answer the phone ... it's quite confusing to me, since then I feel like I'm on a roller coaster and it's hard to point a finger at one single moment ... I just know that at some point I knew that you were there, and that was all I could ask for"

Theo smiled, and it was dark, but Liam was sure that Theo had watery eyes. He certainly had them. "Who is the sappy one now?" Theo whispered before pulling him against his lips. They stood there kissing, and hugging each other for a time that seemed endless. And if they both seemed sappy, who cared? No one in the world was watching them, no one was judging them. They were simply and only them.

At some point the film was ended and a new one started. But it didn't matter. They didn't want to turn everything off and get everyone back to their own room. At least they had an excuse, a reason to prolong that moment.

Liam had come back to rest on Theo's shoulder, encircling his waist and Theo stroked his hair absently.

"Can I ask you another question?" Liam asked suddenly, breaking the silence. Theo looked at him raising an eyebrow. "It's the last, I swear" Liam promised, laughing softly

"Okay, let's hear this question," Theo sighed with feigned exasperation.

"Who- who was your first time?" Liam asked, blushing.

Theo turned at him quickly and opened his eyes wide, taken aback. His hand moving in Liam's hair stopped.

It took him a while to answer, "W-why do you want to know?" he then asked faltering.

"’m just curious" Liam shrugged. "Do- don't you want to tell me?" he then asked, raising an eyebrow

"What? No - I mean, I don-" Theo looked distressed

"Is someone I know right?" Liam guessed, raising his head slightly from Theo's shoulder to look at him and suddenly feeling nervous.

"No, no-you don't know them. I-" Theo sighed, putting pressure on his shoulder to make him lie back on him. He let him do it, clinging more to Theo, who rested his cheek against his hair, massaging his shoulder with his hand, absently staring at the TV "I don't remember well, because it didn't mean anything. It was … some girl, at some party" Theo mumbled. "It doesn't matter anymore. It's useless to talk about it" he said then, looking back at Liam. There was a shadow of plea in his voice, and Liam could only nod, returning to bury his face against his shirt, letting himself lulled by his smell and warm

"O-okay ..."

*

Liam knew that paying attention to Alec could be the dumbest thing that he could have done, but he needed to know. Mason was probably right, and that was becoming an obsession for him, but he _had to_ know. So exactly one week after their day at the pool, when Josh kidnapped Theo for a day "between males" (Josh’s words, not Liam’s), Liam decided to take action, taking advantage of the fact that he had the house all to himself.

He slipped into Theo's room, rolling his eyes at the total mess that it was and immediately noticed the laptop, half-closed on the bed, which was practically the only thing in order in the room. Liam sat down cross-legged, pulling the computer up to his knees and starting it.

He almost felt sick at the idea of invading Theo's privacy this way, but basically he didn't want to do anything bad, just check out his internet search history. It wouldn't hurt anyone, right?

He looked up at the screen again and realized it was asking for a password.

"Son of a-" He had to expect it. "Okay .." he tried to calm down, typing his first and last name first. Then he tried with Theo's birthday, his father's birthday and, yes, I also try his own. All wrong. He decided to try also with Theo's phone number, because it was the password that Liam usually used for everything, his own phone number, so as not to risk forgetting about it. So he took his cell phone to read it, and started to insert his own pin, but froze with his finger on 6, before returning to look at Theo's computer, suspicious

_Nah we can’t have had the same idea._ Liam thought. But he approached the keyboard with his fingers. _Well, it's worth trying._

He quickly dialed 050619.

The computer unlocked. And Liam gaped at it for a second. "Oh my god" he moaned, rolling his eyes but not being able to avoid smiling "We really are both two fucking sappy"

Liam immediately opened the history of Google Chrome, starting to scroll down. The last things Theo had opened were Youtube and Facebook that morning. He got down to two days ago, and by now he thought he would find nothing. He was cursing himself for having listened to Alec when he saw it. The first in a long series.

Liam swallowed. The site name was esplicative enough to be no doubt about the nature of the video. Liam copied the name into the search bar of history, to narrow down the results. His heart quickened to the endless list that appeared before his eyes. And the first ones all went back to the last days.

_God, Alec was right._

He felt a wave of annoyance at the idea that Theo took pleasure in seeing strangers do ... this kind of things. He knew it was stupid to feel jealous of such a thing, but, shit, it _was_. Theo was _his_ boyfriend, only he should have made him feel _that_ way.

_Well, it's too bad you are too coward to make him feel_ _ **that**_ _way_ _ **,**_ his treacherous mind reminded him.Liam snapped the computer shut. It was better if he hadn't looked. He was panicking again.

So Liam did the only thing that came to mind at the time. He called Mason.

His best friend answered only after two rings. "Hey, man, what's up ?!" he greeted him cheerfully

"Mase, I'm frustrating my boyfriend!" Liam snapped in response.

"Oh my god" He heard Mason sigh heavily "Okay I don't know what’s happening, but stay there, I'll be there in ten minutes"

Mason was clearly a liar, because it had been 12 minutes and he still hadn't arrived. He knew that "in ten minutes" was a way of saying, because in 10 minutes Mason couldn't even put on his shoes and tie them up usually, but Mason had to understand that Liam was going crazy here. He had moved into his room, and for some reason he brought Theo's computer with him. Now it was lying on his bed, obviously closed, and Liam was walking in front of it, looking at it occasionally with circumspection, not even if it was a bomb ready to explode. Liam knew it was getting ridiculous, he _felt_ ridiculous, and that was why he needed Mason. Usually he was his voice of reason, the one who brought him back down to earth. Because right now he was obviously _jealous_ of some images on a screen, and this was definitely very far from the earth.

_What the hell is so good about it by the way!?_ He snorted irritably inside himself. He looked at the computer one last time, before jumping on the bed and opening it again. He typed the name of the site on the search bar of the browser, and suggestions immediately appeared. Some had a little star next to them that marked the favorites.

_Oh my god Theo also has favorites, he_ thought shocked, clicking on the first one and jumping directly to a point halfway through the video.

He preferred not to have done that.

Okay, he _knew_ how sex worked. In the sense that he knew the logistics, what was going where, that it could hurt a little at first, but it was pleasant afterwards, but he had always imagined that it was an intimate thing, a _romantic_ thing. But this was far beyond his imagination. While the speakers shot loudly a series of groans, gasps, grunts and curses, Liam watched with wide eyes, literally _terrified,_ the mixture of limbs that had to be two men on the screen. It seemed painful. Why did they scream like that? And why on the world one ... had his legs on the other's head?!

_Holy shit, was this that Theo expected from him?_

"Holy shit" Liam jumped at the sound of Mason's voice, and whipped around to the door, quickly closing the computer and finally silencing every sound.

" _Shh_ " Liam whispered in alarm.

"There's nobody here, and what the fuck were you looking at? A pig slaughtering? Please tell me you were watching a pig slaughtering” he pleaded, coming close to Liam

"Holy shit, Mase, I'm scarred for life," Liam gasped. Mason joined him, sitting beside him and taking the computer in his hands, pushing it away as if it were the most disgusting thing in the world. "Okay, tell me what the hell you did this time"

"How did you get in?"

"Your mom told me about the spare key under the mat" Liam started to protest. Mason silenced him with a vague wave of his hand "Forget it. Liam, what did you do?"

"Well Alec told me-"

"Ah!" Mason stopped him immediately "No sentence beginning with "Alec told me" may end well"

" _Mase_ , you should give me your moral support here, I'm freaking out!" Liam complained 

"Okay okay"

  
 

Mason's support went through various degrees. From the lecture "I can't believe you _spied_ him, Li!" to the reassuring "Li, almost everyone looks at porn today" at the irritant "what porn he watched?"

"Now, let's delete the one you opened from the history, so your boyfriend doesn't find out you spied him" Mason muttered as if he were dealing with a particularly slow-witted child. "And we put this back in its place, _exactly_ where you found it."

Liam nodded obediently and did as he was told. When he returned to his room, Mason was sitting cross-legged on the bed. Liam joined him with a distressed expression.

"You think I'm stupid, don't you?" he sighed.

"No, I told you, I just think you're scared. But that's not the solution. Most of those videos ... are unrealistic, they are absurd and are made for fun"

"Fun?" gasped Liam. "What's fun about that? Mase, and if that's what Theo wants? And if that's what he's used to do with his ..."

"Sexperts?" Mason helped him out, raising an eyebrow with a smile.

"It's not funny" Liam snorted. "I will never be able to do such a thing." he groaned sadly. "Theo will dump me because I don't know how to have sex"

"Okay, enough, nobody will ever ask you to do something like that, unless you're thinking about a career as a porn star"

"Oh my god"

"Normal couples don't do things like "

"What do you and Corey do?

Mason looked at him deadpanned "I am not answering this question"

Liam made a disdainful scoff "So you can 'shipping' ...." Liam air-quoted annoyed "and instead I can’t"

"This isn't shipping, it's being weird"

Liam narrowed his eyes towards him "You don't decide what is shipping and what’s not"

Mason sighed wearily, bringing two fingers to pinch his nose and closing his eyes. When he opened them again he had regained his calm and his tone of Liam’s-voice-of-reason.

"Listen to me. Forget what you saw. And ignore what Alec says, or anyone else. And yeah sex can be fun, it can be rough at times, it's true, and it's exciting, but that comes later. If it is with someone special, as I'm sure Theo is for you ... and as Corey is for me ... before you even have sex, you _make love_... And i's sweet, it's intimate, it's beautiful and it's a thing completely yours, it’s how much closer you can feel to the person you love, the more you can feel them yours, it can be embarrassing, and strange, and a little painful the first time, but then there's the second, and the third ... and trust me, it will always be better and better"

  
 

Liam blushed, lowering his head and looking at his hands. "You think so?"

"I don't think so, I _know._ Because I was in your place more or less a year ago" Mason smiled at him, then grimaced "A little less weird, but let's say in your place, yeah"

Liam laughed."Sorry, this was weird right"

"Kinda, but I've seen worse." Mason laughed as well. Then he patted him on the knee. "Anyway, if I can give you some advice, you should talk to Theo about it."

"About porn videos?" Liam asked, shocked

"No!" Mason made a grimace "About what you feel, I mean- about what worries you, I think it's right for him to know. You should know all too well by now, that avoiding these kind of conversations never leads to good things. One day they could always blow up on your face"

"Ugh okay I'll think about it" Liam muttered not too convinced.

"Okay" Mason smiled supportive “Now let's go back to normal life and have a game of Call of Duty?” he then pleaded.

Liam laughed "Okay, Mase, okay"

*

  
 

If there was one thing that Liam was supposed to have learned by now, was that Mason was _always_ right. So did he tell Theo the reason behind his hesitation? Of course no

Was it about to explode on his own face? Probably.

  
 

Liam was at his fourth gin tonic, and Josh's home dining room had already begun to spin a little. Josh's parents had left to spend the week at their beach house in Santa Monica, and Josh  had taken advantage of it to gather as many people as possible. There was alcohol, and music, and a lot of confusion. That didn't help his dizziness.

  
 

"I love the fact that your parents have a beach house, practically over summer they leave us free house every other week" Theo said cheerfully, pouring another round of alcohol for everyone.

"And that's not all! My parents say that since I'm 'big now'..." Josh drew air-quotings, making Corey snort and roll Tracy's eyes, "they'll leave me the beach house for a few days this summer, so get ready, because we all go on vacation"

Alec choked on his gin tonic "Are you serious? In Santa Monica? All together?"

"Well we'll be a little squished there, but we'll manage"

"Yes, after all ... who needs to sleep?" Theo reminded him with a smile.

"Right," Josh nodded, gesturing to him.

"I don’t for sure," Amber said with a smirk, leaning with her elbow on Theo's shoulder "And when are we leaving?"

Liam looked bad in the direction of her arm, as if it had somehow just mortally offended him "And who invited you anyway?" he snapped sharply, rolling his eyes in annoyance. Theo turned to look at him.

Amber smiled unaffected "I don't need an invitation, if there are Theo and Nolan I'm part of the package"

Liam bit his lip, trying not to answer her back. What did she think to have to do with Theo ?!

A moment later Theo was pulling him out of the room, the last thing he heard was Josh saying that they could go there next week as his parents would certainly not be back so soon.

Theo pushed him into a corner, looking at him worriedly. "Li, what's got into you?"

"Nothing, I don't know what you're talking about," he said defensively.

Theo quickly looked around to make sure nobody was within earshot. "You don't need to be so rude to her, I told you there was nothing," he reminded him in a low voice.

Liam gave a mocking snort. "Still it seems that this doesn’t stop her from flirting with you"

Theo widened his eyes confused "She doesn't flirt with me, she's _with Nolan_ "

"They just fuck" he replied harshly looking sideways. "You should know well that it is not a guarantee, right"

Theo pursed his lips, before taking off the glass from his hand. "Hey!" Liam protested, furrowing his brow and making the gesture of taking the glass back.

Theo, in response, threw it still half full in a nearby basket. "I don't know what the hell got you, but it's better for you to finish it here for tonight"

"Why are you defending her ?" Liam asked immediately, crossing his arms with an irritated expression.

Theo didn't seem to be understanding anything anymore. "Li, what are you talking about? I'm not defending anyone here, I'm just telling you there's no need to behave like an asshole! I also told you that I couldn't do anything with her because I couldn't not think of _you_ , so -"

"Well sorry if I stop you from fucking!" Liam huffed angrily, pushing Theo away and heading for the door.

"Li!"

Liam turned halfway "You can always go and finish what you started, I'm sure she'll be more than happy! It could be the only chance you'll have for a long time, since apparently I don't give "any contribution to this conversation"!"

"Wha...?" Theo looked at him taken aback, remembering his words during the discussion between Liam and the others by the pool ten days earlier. "Li, that’s not wha-" But Liam had already run outside.

*

  
 

Theo wanted to be out there looking for Liam, which was what he had done in the last hour practically. Because he knew that Liam was clearly drunk, and he suspected that this “sex issue” was much bigger for him than Theo had imagined in the beginning. He just wanted to find him and tell him again, to tell him to death, that he would wait for him forever, if he had to, and that his feelings would not change for that. But apparently he couldn't, because everywhere he turned, someone stopped him to greet him, and tell him how good it was that he had decided to stay or to congratulate again for the championship won.

Now he was stuck with Danny, who had insisted on having a drink together, and hadn't wanted to take a no as an answer, and now he was talking about the game, trying subtly to touch him, getting closer and closer. Not that Theo noticed. While he replied vaguely and mostly with “yes” or “no”, his eyes searched the room for Liam. Uselessly.

  
  
 

Liam had stepped out of the door into the crowded garden, grabbed a bottle of vodka from the table set near the pool, then walked around the house and back in from the back. He felt the need to be alone for a while, in silence, hoping to drown every little annoying voice in his head with a little alcohol. He slipped into one of the first bedrooms he found free, and slid to the ground, his back against the wall beside the window. He opened the vodka bottle and took a big sip before looking around. He had left the light off, but the light from the moon that came from outside the window kept the room in dim light, therefore quite visible. It had to be in Josh's room, if the picture of him and Theo on the desk was of any indication.

_Theo ..._ Liam took another big gulp, squinting at the burning feeling that came down his throat. Then he pulled back his head exposing his throat. _Why was it so difficult for Theo to understand how he felt? With the constant feeling of having to share him with the rest of the world? Feeling never enough for him?_

As he slowly continued to sip the liqueur, Liam felt himself more and more falling into a spiral of bad thoughts, silence as the only company, music and confusion only a distant echo.

  
 

Then suddenly the door opened and someone entered the room giggling happily. Liam blinked, motionless, watching Tracy and Josh kiss and wobble on the bed. He was probably too tipsy to even feel embarrassed. At that moment he could only feel a little envious. Shit. Maybe he was really losing his mind.

"Er ... sorry ..." he called at a certain point, not knowing what else to do.

Josh and Tracy jumped and Tracy shrieked, before they both sat up, turning toward him, still sitting in his corner, the almost empty bottle of vodka beside him.

"Dunbar, what the hell are you doing there ?!" he blew Josh in shock, before reaching out to turn on the light.

"Oh my god, Li, what’s that? A habit?" Tracy snorted, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.

"Sorry, sorry, I didn't want to disturb you, and I didn't want to stare! I'm leaving .. soon" he mumbled, trying to get up.

Both Josh and Tracy raised an eyebrow amused. “No way. Are you drunk?" Josh asked, holding back a laugh.

"No! I'm ... fine, yes. I'm not drunk." Liam managed to get to his feet, finally returning to look at them. "Do you have to have sex?"

"Oh my god" Tracy groaned, bringing a hand to her forehead as Josh laughed as he stood up "Yes, you're definitely drunk," he told him, leading him to the door and pushing softly into the corridor. "And yes, we have to have sex." he said in a lower voice. "Go back downstairs. And try not to faint somewhere, please, or Theo will kill me," he warned cheerfully, on the door.

"Okay" Liam nodded very seriously, which probably never happened to him talking to Josh.

Only as he returned to the living area he remember. He had left his bottle of vodka in Josh's room.

  
 

Peering out the door of the crowded living room, Liam looked around left and right, searching for some familiar face. Or something to drink. Until his eyes landed on Theo.

Theo who was talking to Danny. _Danny_ was talking to _Theo_. And he was staring at him. And he was _touching him_. Liam hated that fucking asshole. Theo was _his_ boyfriend, he had to be around looking for him, not talking to that jerk. That jerk Theo had slept with. Probably more than once. And that Theo had kissed with barely three weeks before.

Liam's mind went blank, and he threw himself forward before he could even realize it. A moment later he appeared behind Theo, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him away with force, away from Danny. Away from _anyone_.

  
 

  
 

Theo jumped when someone grabbed him and turned to snap at the person, only to see that it was Liam. His annoyed expression gave way to a surprised one. Similar to the one on Danny's face, actually. Liam barely turned to look at him as he shouted annoyed "Sorry, but I have to steal him, look for someone else to fuck with tonight" Theo didn't even dare to turn around to see Danny's expression.

So he let Liam pull him into the guest room, hoping to figure out what the hell was going on with him that night.

"Li, where have you been?" he stood looking at him bewildered while the other locked the door. "Will you tell me what’s the pro?"

"Shut up" Liam just muttered, before pushing him against the wall and assaulting his lips with his. Yes, _assaulting_. Theo couldn’t think of another word to describe it, because _woh,_ Liam had never kissed him like that. He was pressing against him with all his body, and Theo was sure they had never been _so much_ close. Liam held his hands against his chest, as if he feared that Theo could escape him. But Theo wouldn't even know where to find the willpower to get away from that amazing kiss. A moment later they were already breathless, still united in an open mouth kiss, in an attempt to breathe without stopping. Theo's lower lip burned, where Liam had bitten it at one point, and he was sure it was bleeding now, but he didn't care.

Liam shifted his attention to his neck, his lips brushing the spot where last week's hickey was hardly visible by now. He felt a rush of annoyance at seeing that, and he licked that spot before taking Theo's sensitive skin between his lips.

"Li ..." Theo called to him, his hands digging against the fabric that covered Liam's shoulders in a broken voice. He wasn't sure if he was begging him to stop and talk about this whole situation, or to keep kissing him like that.

Once he was finished with that point, Liam moved a few inches lower, towards his collarbone, tearing apart harshly the first buttons of Theo's shirt. Theo groaned, closing his eyes with a half sigh and throwing his head back against the wall. As soon as he had finished, Liam frantically captured Theo's lips again, his hands slipping under his shirt, caressing his sculpted abs and then his solid chest, before slipping out and starting to unfasten the remaining buttons.

Theo felt his brain short-circuiting. His mind was slightly clouded with alcohol, and he was already so fucking turned on. He felt like he was in Heaven, but somehow he couldn't help thinking that something was wrong. That was _not_ like Liam.

Then suddenly Liam's hands stopped fiddling with his button’s shirt, and a second later they were on the button of his jeans. Theo winced. "Li, what are you doing-?" he gasped.

"Shh it's okay" he mumbled. There was something dark and wild in his eyes when he met Theo's. Liam seemed out of his mind.

Then a moment later he dropped to his knees before him. Theo looked at him speechless. No, that was definitely not his Liam.

"Li, stop, you're drunk, you don't know what you're doing" Theo protested weakly, while Liam continued to fumble with the zip of his pants.

"It's okay, I want _it_ , I'm _ready_ " Liam looked at him, from below, and _holy shit_ , that single sight was enough to drive him crazy, but he _had to_ think straight, at least one of them had to think straight 

  
 

He grabbed Liam's wrists and yanked them hard, to stop him and force him to look at him. "You are _not_ , you’re clearly not yourself!" Theo snapped in a firm voice.

Liam gave him an angry look, before getting up and pulling his hands away from Theo's.

"What's your problem ?! Wasn't that what you wanted !?" he shouted angrily.

"Not like that, and neither do you! That's not how you want it to happen, Li, believe me!"

Liam snorted almost in disbelief. "I told you I want that, that I'm _ready_!" he repeated eagerly, spreading his arms.

"Of course you are not!" Theo snapped. "You're just behaving like a childish kid!"

"It's not up to you to tell if I'm ready or not!" Liam screamed even more angry "But I got it, if others do that, no problem, but if it's me ... it's not good, because I'm just a fucking childish kid, _okay_!" Liam took a step toward the door, and Theo tried to grab his wrist.

"Li, it’s not like this, it is not that! Please, let's talk about th-"

"No!" Liam burst out one last time with fury, before opening the door and storming out, slamming it behind him.

  
 

He had to learn to listen to Mason. Because if he said that things would go wrong, surely they would have gone worse.

*

The most horrible thing of all that was not the anger, nor the refusal, nor the jealousy, nor going home and getting into bed without cuddling with Theo as he had grown used to do lately. The worst thing was the way he began to feel as slowly his mind was getting free from the haze of alcohol, returning in control again. And he was there to witness the whole process, because he couldn't sleep even for a moment. He just hid his head under the covers, wishing he could disappear, listening to his anger evaporate as time passed. The LED alarm clock indicated 3 o'clock and Theo had not yet returned home.

He had been really stupid. He had literally attacked Theo, physically and verbally. He could not believe the words he had told him. Theo was just trying to protect him after all. To understand him. As he had _always_ done.

He had never felt so embarrassed and ashamed as he was at that moment. He didn't want to get out of there ever again. He crunched even more under the covers, tears flowing slowly and copiously from his eyes, wetting the mattress cover under him.

Theo was right. He had behaved like an immature kid. Did he want something just because others had it? Did he want Theo just because he was jealous of who had come before him? Just to 'mark the territory', as Mason had said?

Liam's heart sped up. No, it _wasn't_ like that. It was simply easier to let go when jealousy pushed him. Now he understood what Theo had meant. He had to get to feel ready at his own time. Without jealousy, alcohol or competitions of any kind to push him to do so. He had to get there just because he was Theo that he wanted. Because he just wanted Theo. Theo just the way he was.

  
 

Liam winced under the blanket when he heard someone slowly open the door of his room. He hadn't heard him come back, but he already knew it was Theo, he could recognize the sound of his steps, his scent, even the sound of his breath. But he was not yet ready to face him after that outburst.

"Li ..." Theo called weakly. Liam did not move, pretending to sleep under the cover, his heart beating fast. He heard Theo sigh in distress, and a moment later a weight sank beside him.

  
 

Theo sat on the bed, placing a hand on the blanket on Liam's shoulder.

"I'm sorry about before" Theo whispered. He probably knew he was awake. No one in the world seemed to know him well as much as Theo knew him. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm not angry with you."

Theo sighed one last time, and before leaving, he leaned forward, placing a kiss on the blanket, exactly on Liam's head. Liam closed his eyes at the touch, the tears that kept coming down quietly.

_He was so stupid._

His heart throbbed furiously in his chest.

He would have been ready when Theo was all he wanted, everything he needed. And it probably was already like this.

He just had to stop being too scared to realize it.

  
TO BE CONTINUED

  
  
  
  
  
 

 


	23. Living up to you

When he opened his eyes that morning, it took Liam a few seconds to name the overwhelming feeling in his stomach. And he knew he couldn't completely blame the hangover for that.  
He hadn't really slept that night, constantly slipping out and in from sleep, guilt and shame that crawled through him at the memory of the day before, the thought of _Theo, Theo, Theo_ as the only standpoint.  
   
He sat up, the covers slipping over his lap, and lazily rubbed his face. He looked at the alarm clock on the night table and winced when he noticed that it was just 8:00 am. It was probably the first time in his whole life that he woke up so early on a Sunday morning. He could hear his mother, Paul and Theo’s muffled voices in the living room, definitely busy making breakfast.  
Sunday was the only day their parents had free, so Liam knew very well that he could not stay hidden all day in his room.  
   
 _I am not angry with you._ Theo had told him the night before, and Liam knew he was sincere. Because Theo was incredible, and so understanding with him just like this. But he couldn't dismiss the thought that Theo should _have_ been angry instead.  
He was.  
He was so fucking angry with himself.  
   
He sighed wearily, slipping out of bed. He dressed lazily, then taking his time in the bathroom to wash his face, hoping that he could help him erase that tired and distressed expression on his face.  
It didn't seem to work.  
   
   
As he went downstairs, he was clearly able to pick up clips from the ongoing conversation. Theo was saying something to Paul about this weekend and about Josh and a beach house. Liam vaguely remembered that they had mentioned something about that the night before at the party. Yes, about a vacation all together. _Before he snapped at Amber and Theo dragged him away._ He blushed slightly, feeling that unpleasant feeling come back overbearing at the only thought.  
He walked unsure into the kitchen, and everyone turned to him. "M-morning" he grumbled, staring only at Jenna and Paul.  
"Good morning, darling, already awake?" Jenna asked, pleasantly surprised, as she returned to sit down with a pot of coffee in her hand and placing it on the table.  
"Uh yes ... I couldn't get back to sleep" he replied briefly. He could feel Theo's eyes on him, but he did his best to avoid them as he sat next to Jenna, on the opposite side to Theo, weaving his hands under the table while Jenna poured him coffee to prevent them from trembling visibly.  
"So ... were you saying, Theo?" Jenna returned with a smile to look at the other boy. Theo jumped slightly, hardly averting his eyes from Liam, who seemed almost to want to sink into his coffee cup with his face. "... about Josh?"  
"Uh yeah well, his parents let him take their beach for a few days, and he finally finished his make-up exams, so ..."  
"Am I wrong or is it in Santa Monica?" Paul asked   
Jenna raised an eyebrow. "It's far enough" she remarked.  
"Not really. And Josh and I spent many summers there, it's almost like home for us" Theo replied reassuringly, unable to avoid letting his eyes slip briefly over Liam from time to time. The other boy had not yet looked up from the table. Theo could almost clearly see a faint blush growing on his cheeks.  
"What do you think Li? Do you want to go there?" Jenna asked turning to him. Liam gasped as he finally looked up at her. "Uh ... yeah, I-" he stammered in a weak voice. "I think it would be cool, if ... if you agree, obviously"  
Jenna sighed "Okay, okay, I won't be the buzzkill. But I need to have the address of this house, and the number of Messrs Diaz, I want to talk to them first" Theo and Paul giggled, while Liam shook his head almost exasperated, the shadow of a smile growing on his face. "Okay, mom"  
 "When should you leave?" Paul asked quietly, returning to his coffee.  
"Thursday I think. I need to speak properly with Josh." He then snorted looking amused at his father. "Yesterday he wasn't exactly able to ..." Jenna raised an eyebrow. Theo stopped. "I mean ... actually he never is" he concluded. He got up quickly, grabbing a donut "I'm going to call him"  
Liam finally looked up as he watched Theo's back disappear over the door.  
Paul shook his head amused "Guys ..."  
Jenna turned to Liam "Please, Li, tell me you don't drink at these parties" he mumbled halfway between exasperation and supplication. But she didn't seem angry.  
"Me? N...o?" he answered, not really on board.  
Jenna huffed as she stood up. "I need more coffee." And she disappeared into the kitchen.  
Paul looked at Liam unimpressed. "You need to work on this, son" he commented cheerfully.  
   
Liam could not really argue with him.  
   
*  
   
When he returned to his room, Liam stopped in the middle of the corridor, contemplating the closed door of Theo's room. He bit his lower lip, torturing it between his teeth, before sighing and heading to his room. He then closed the door behind him and sat on the bed.  
   
He did not know what to do. He didn't want Theo to think he was avoiding him. Although ... was that what he was doing? Was he doing that? How should you behave with the guy you pushed against a wall, kissing the hell out of him, then kneeling down ready to give him a blowjob, just to be rejected?  
He was not angry with Theo for this, he knew that Theo had done the right thing. He was just damn _embarrassed_ about how he had behaved all night. He must have seemed out of his freaking mind.  
He was just afraid of Theo's judgment. Wasn't that the reason that brought them there? The fact that Liam was so terrified that he failed to meet Theo's expectations, so terrified to open up to him out of fear that Theo considered him a kid. Yet Theo had reassured him over and over that he would wait until he was ready, he had never forced him, he hadn't insisted. Even now he was leaving his space. Even though Liam would almost have preferred Theo to come to him. It was easier when the others took the initiative. Apparently running away from embarrassing and uncomfortable situations was the only thing he could do well. Despite that night in that hotel room in Sacramento, with only the two of them as witnesses, he had promised Theo that he would run away nevermore...  
Liam froze, his eyes open-wide.  
He had promised that he would _never_ run away again. He had _promised_ Theo that. And instead he was there doing just what he said he wouldn't do _again._  
His heart skipped a beat. _God, he was so fucking stupid._  
   
He looked at his cell phone on the night table, contemplating calling for Mason for help. But he stopped. He could not always count on others to give him the pugh he needed. He had to learn to do it alone, didn't he? This was about him and Theo, about _their_ relationship, it was something they had to handle alone, without third parties pushing them in one direction or another.  
 _What do you really want, Liam?_ he asked himself mentally. And the answer was simple. He wanted that feeling to disappear, he wanted to give Theo the morning kiss and cuddle to him like they did every morning. He wanted to know that everything was okay between them, because he couldn't accept the idea that it was different. He just needed to see Theo, to talk to Theo, to _feel_ him close.  
   
So he got out of bed and walked out of his room, walking toward Theo's room. He stopped with his hand on the handle for only a few seconds before taking a deep breath and turning it.  
   
Theo, lying on the bed with the phone in his hand, immediately looked up at the door opening, and looked at him with an almost surprised expression.  
Liam didn't exactly decide what to say, so he bit his lip faltering, hovering in the doorway, before going with what he wanted to do from the moment he opened his eyes that morning.  
   
Theo was about to sit up, and had almost done it halfway, when Liam approached the bed, slipping one knee at a time on the mattress and clinging to his waist, holding him _tight_. "Li, what-?"  
   
Theo staggered backward, sinking back against the mattress, taken aback by that sudden and unexpected show of affection. He spared the door still ajar just a brief glance because at the moment he couldn't care less. He wrapped his arms around Liam's shoulders pulling him close, while Liam buried his face against the fabric of his shirt, breathing in his familiar scent.  
"I'm sorry" Liam mumbled, not moving a millimeter away, his voice muffled by the fabric pressing against his lips, his hands digging at his sides.  
"It's okay. I'm not mad at you" Theo assured him gently, drawing circles on his back.  
"But I am. I am angry with myself." Liam blew out, pulling his head up slightly so that he could finally see Theo in the eyes. "Because I behaved like a fool and you were right. And ... I promised I wouldn't run away any more, and ... and I really won't drink anymore. Like _never again_. Seriously."  
"Why not?" Theo stifled a chuckle, giving him a mischievous look "Actually, I pretty like bold Liam. Almost as jealous Liam."  
Liam blushed furiously, laying his head back on his shoulder with a groan. "Please, it's not funny, it was _embarrassing._ "  
"Hey, look at me." Theo tapped him gently on the head. "Look at me" he said softly again when Liam didn't seem to want to listen. Liam finally obeyed, looking at him embarrassed, biting his lips and continuing to swing his gaze between Theo's eyes and an unspecified point below. "Nothing of what you can say or do, will make me think you're embarrassing or whatever could pop out in that pretty head of yours. Because you're not. You're you. You're Liam, and I like you for the way you are"  
Liam's heart was throbbing violently in his chest, the butterflies fluttering in his stomach like crazy, and he really didn't know what to say. Then again he went with the one thing he was dying to do. He bent to catch Theo's lips in a soft kiss. Because it was okay to take what he wanted. It was beautiful. It was right. It was deserved.  
And sometimes words were just superfluous.  
 Theo's right hand moved along his shirt, stopping at the back of his neck to pull him even closer against his lips, Liam sighed heavily against his mouth as he kissed him back. He could feel Theo's eyelashes caressing his cheeks, Theo's warm hands pressing against his skin, his tongue, his lips moving against his, and he felt safe, he felt at home, he felt anchored.  
   
Then he heard his mother's voice calling him from the end of the corridor, probably from outside his room.  
Liam and Theo shared a startled look, before Theo pushed Liam away quickly, sitting up, and Liam fell off the bed in a twisted pile. A shadow of concern touched Theo's face, but he didn't have time to act on it because Jenna knocked on the door just before opening it.  
   
"Oh. You're here." She stopped to watch them from the door. "Li, what are you doing on the floor?" she then asked with a half laugh.  
Liam looked at her from the ground, now completely outstretched, raised only on his elbows. Theo looked at him with wide eyes. "Uh .... p-... push-ups?" He tried.  
Jenna blinked. Theo raised a hand to scratch his head with a grimace, probably aborting the gesture of slamming a hand over his eyes.  
"Uh ... Theo here said I couldn't do as much as he did." Liam kept blabbering. "And he was right" Paul was also right. He had to work seriously on this. He quickly stood up to do anything but feel uncomfortable.  
Jenna seemed unwilling to insist. She laughed slightly. "Okay, I just wanted to tell you that Paul and I are going out to meet the manager of the wedding venue. I guess you don't want to come with us ..."  
"Not really" Liam and Theo replied in chorus, while Liam sat back down on the bed   
Jenna laughed again. "I figured. We should come back in time for lunch anyway. We'll call otherwise, okay?"  
"Uh-uh" "Okay" they both muttered   
"Be good" Jenna just said as she closed the door behind her with a smile and a nod.  
   
Liam and Theo remained motionless in silence for an indefinite time. Only when they heard the front door open and then close they did release a heavy sigh and return to look at each other.  
"That was close" Liam commented, embarrassed.  
"Push-ups? Seriously?" Theo gave him a grin.  
"It's the first thing that came to my mind while I was facing the floor." Liam protested, blushing. "Thanks anyway"  
"It's the first thing that came to my mind while your mother was going to catch us making out on my bed" Theo said amused, going back to lie down and reaching out to pull Liam to his side.    
"We really need to find a solution. If we continue like this, they will find us sooner or later" he said a few seconds later.  
"The marriage is in two weeks, when it's over we'll talk to them." Liam answered, letting himself be lulled by laying his head on Theo's shoulder. "We just have to be more careful"  
Theo gave him a little smile, pulling him closer "It's hard, you know, when all I would like to do from morning to night is kissing you"  
Liam imitated his smile "Well you have to hold back, you dork"  
   
"Don't ... do you think they suspect something right?" Theo asked suddenly, suddenly returning serious.  
"I don't think so. We all have very little at home all together, and ..." Liam bit his hesitant lip "My mum would never suspect _that_ "  
The words took a while to sink into Theo, but when they did, he got up of sudden, knocking Liam off his shoulder. Theo gave him an alarmed look. "Li, please don't tell me your mother doesn't know you're gay."  
Liam gave him an embarrassed look. "Well ... no?"  
"Wha-? I thought you two told each other everything!" Theo exclaimed baffled. "Are you going to tell your mother you're bi and dating your step-brother at the same time ?! You'll give her a stroke!"  
"I ... I thought I had more time! I was going to tell her once I graduated" Liam mumbled, sitting down too.  
"I do not understand, why? Your mother does not seem to me that she would have problems with this, she _adores_ you _!_ "  
"Yes, but ..." Liam looked at him sadly "If I had told her that I am bi, she would have been worried. She would have another reason to believe that someone ... picked on me at school. She never really believed that I couldn't make friends because I'm shy"  
Theo looked at him for a moment taken aback. He remembered well that day many months ago when Jenna asked him to watch over Liam because she feared someone would pick on him.  
   
He then looked at him with a hint of understanding. "And is it true?" he asked sharply. Liam looked at him without understanding. "Is it true? Someone picked on you ... for this?"  
Liam didn't answer, but blushed, looking down, and that was more than enough for Theo. He felt a surge of anger grow from him at the thought. He had been on the other side before, but that was in the past. Now more than ever, Theo realized he could not relate to the himself of that time. Right now he would have done anything to _protect_ Liam.   
   
He put his hand in his hair with a sigh, then pulling him back close, hugging him. "It's all okay. We'll find a solution ok?" Liam nodded against his body.  
"You know, I'm actually surprised, too. That Paul knows about you I mean." Liam pulled back, looking at him curiously. "I can't imagine you having such a conversation with him."  
"Oh, I didn't tell him" Theo said immediately with a vague wave of the hand "He just came into the room while I-" Liam raised an eyebrow. "Forget it. It's not a funny story"  
Liam snorted. "And what did he say?"  
"Is he ... kinda fainted?"  
"What?" Liam asked, bewildered.  
"I told you it wasn't a funny story" Theo shrugged. "Then he screamed. And he asked me if it was just a kind of protest or rebellion, mine ... but then he get it, let's say. Now it's cool for him" Theo stopped for a moment "Not that I ever introduced a boy to him, so honestly I don't know how he would react. "  
" This makes me feel much calmer" Liam commented sarcastically.  
"Everything will be fine" Theo repeated, a bit out of tune. Maybe he didn't believe it either. Theo reached out to take Liam's hand between his own and gently squeezed "We just have to tell them calmly and gradual, and they'll understand"  
"And don't wait for them to come into the room while we’re fucking, you mean?" Liam teased him.  
"I don't think there's a risk of this happening" Theo said in a tone. Liam looked at him deadpanned. "Sorry, it just slipped out"  
Liam made a sound somewhere between a growl and an exasperated sigh, pulling Theo's hand to bring him closer. "You're an idiot" he mumbled against his lips, before kissing him. Theo laughed in the kiss, sliding his hands over Liam's waist to pull him onto his lap. He pushed away enough to look into his eyes, with a new mischievous look in his eyes. "So ... do you want to give me another hickey? I already feel that last night's one is disappearing ..." he teased.  
Liam looked confused at the spot on his neck, where it was clearly visible and purplish. "It's not true, you can see very well"  
Theo snorted almost incredulously "You don't have to argue with me about this"  
Liam laughed before slinging forward again.  
   
*  
   
To Liam's surprise, Thursday took very little to come. Before they knew it, they were cramming their suitcases into Theo's pickup, among a thousand of Jenna's recommendations, and they were leaving for Josh's home, where everyone would meet. They were the last to arrive, and when they pulled out of the gate, the others were all there, some suitcases stacked between them, leaning against Mason's and Nolan's cars, chatting and laughing quietly.  
   
"You have taken some time!" Josh groaned as the two got out of the truck.  
"Liam's fault" Theo immediately said, spreading his arms "He couldn't find his teddy bear"  
Liam snorted before noticing the amused faces of the others. "He’s kidding" he said immediately. He gave Theo a push "Tell them you're kidding, you idiot!"  
"Quiet, Li, me too can't sleep without my pillow" Nolan commented cheerfully.  
"I don't have a fucking teddy bear" Liam snapped, glaring back at Theo, who was laughing. God, he couldn't believe that he really liked this dork. "I hate you" he pouted, crossing his arms, while everyone laughed.  
"Okay, how about if we go? I would like to get to the sea before nightfall" said Tracy.  
"Yes let’s go!" Alec agreed excitedly.  
"I'm going with Theo" Josh said immediately, grabbing his bag from the floor and loading it on the back.  
"Me too" "Me too, then" Tracy and Hayden echoed  
   
 _Wait, what?_ Liam realized he had just been cut off. He couldn't even protest without arousing suspicion. All this really sucked.  
"Li, do you want to come with me and Amber?" Nolan asked cheerfully.  
Amber and Liam shared a long inquiring look. Then Liam turned to Mason's car. "I'm going with Mason"  
"Alec?"  
"Sorry, buddy, but I don't trust getting in the car with you to Santa Monica ... no offense"  
"Well I'm offended" Nolan replied, crossing his arms with a pout on his face "I drive _very well_!"  
"The dent on the bumper says another story"  
"I told you, that pole wasn't there before!"  
"Yes, this is certainly the most logical explanation" Alec teased him as he boarded Mason's car.  
Amber looked at it curiously for a few seconds, "Can I go with Mason too?" then she asked  
"No" Nolan answered immediately, pulling her from one hand. Amber smiled slyly, letting herself be pulled "I like it when you boss me around"  
   
"I could throw up" Liam said with a grimace, making Mason and Corey laugh before they went up and set off after Theo.  
   
*  
   
   
"Josh texted me if we can stop and stock up while they go on" Corey announced at one point as the car sped along the road.  
"Text it to Nolan too, he is surely the one with the most space in the car" Mason just replied, looking for the nearest supermarket on Google Maps.  
Alec turned to look back. "I hope he hasn't already lost himself somewhere" he commented, noting that Nolan was no longer behind them.  
   
   
Fortunately, Nolan was not lost. It would have been difficult to explain to his mother that two members of the group had been lost just an hour after departure.  
   
"We are all here?" asked Mason. "Well, while we were waiting for Nolan I made lists. We split up, so we gain time" He handed the first list to Nolan and the other to Alec.  
"Do you mind, Cor, if I go with Mason?" Liam then asked hesitantly. Corey looked at him for a moment in surprise, then nodded, approaching Alec.  
Mason gave him an almost frightened look. Liam really didn't know whether to be offended or not. Did he really have so little faith in him?  
   
At the entrance Nolan and Amber split, going towards the food aisle, Alec and Corey towards drinks’ and Liam and Mason towards the home sector.  
"So ... what did you do again?" asked Mason in alarm.  
"Nothing!" Liam snorted . "It's not like I want to talk to you only when I mess up, Mase"  
"Lately, yes, I feel so much like a fairy godfather." Mason rolled his eyes, smiling, as he pushed the basket down the aisle. "So ... what happened again with Theo?"  
"Nothing" Liam said hesitantly. "Nothing. My world doesn't revolve around Theo, you know?"  
"Ah-ah" Mason muttered sarcastically in agreement  
   
A few minutes passed in silence, pushing shampoo, shower gel, toothpaste and various kinds of paper into the basket.  
"Well you know ..." Liam said then. Mason looked at him amused. Liam snorted in resignation "Okay, the day after tomorrow is like ... a month that Theo and I are together" he said, blushing.  
"I know, hard to forget." Mason reached out to grab some dish soap "So, what? Want advice on what to give him?"  
"I ... I think I want to have sex with him" he said quickly, catching fire immediately after.  
Mason snapped to look at him with wide eyes, before giggling. "Cool, so you want to give him yourself? Great choice" he teased, with an accomplice nod of his head  
"It's not funny, Mase. I'm freaking out here, you know" Liam whined  
"When do you not?" Mason laughed , giving him an affectionate elbow  
"Seriously, Mase, I mean ... I mean, how does it work?"  
Mason looked at him even more amused. "I thought you knew how it works, you know, with that porn thing and all the rest ..."  
Liam groaned throwing back his head with a pained expression on his face "Oh god you just had to remind me of that?" Mason laughed as he grabbed sponges and deodorants and threw them in the basket. "I mean ... how does it work to get the thing started? I mean, can't you go to your boyfriend and tell him 'hey whats up, look, wanna have sex?'  
Mason looked at him for a long time, his eyebrows arching over his forehead, his lips leaning into a sneer. _This_ could be fun. "So you want me to explain to you how to _seduce_ Theo?"  
Liam looked at him embarrassed and tortured his hands "I don't know. Maybe?"  
"Well okay, uhm… first you kiss him." Mason listed , counting with his fingers slowly "You caress him ..."  
"I can do that" Liam nodded, seriously.  
"Then you stick your hand in his boxers and you're done" concluded Mason cheerfully.  
Liam gave a throaty sound somewhere between the strangled and the bewildered, blushing again. "Wha-?" Mason laughed. "It's not exactly what I meant!" Liam moaned   
"Okay okay, let's leave the part of seduction to Theo. I think it's better" Mason agreed   
" _Ugh_ "  
"Hey, I understand what you mean, Li. Do you want to know how to understand when the time is right, uh?"  
Liam gave him an embarrassed look. "Well ... yeah?"  
"Well preferably when we're not at home. I'm already quite involved in your love life, and that's enough" Mason began.  
" _Mase_ "  
He laughed again, then came back serious "Seriously, you know ... you have to live it to understand it. One moment you're there, you look at him and you know it's the right time, and that's it. There are no instructions to follow, Li, when it's about these things. " Mason suddenly stopped at the end of the lane, and turned to look at him "You just have to be ready"  
Liam looked at him, flushed but determined. "I am"  
"Well" Mason smiled giving him a pat on the shoulder, before turning to the shelf and reaching out a hand. "Then you will need these" he said with a smirk, before tossing the object at Liam.  
Liam grabbed the box clumsy , before realizing that Mason had just thrown him a package of XL condoms. He blushed again, throwing it back. " _Mase_!"  
Mason grabbed them just to throw them once more. "I told you, you have to be ready .." he snorted with amusement, while Liam swung the box in his hands, then dropped it to the ground. "... in _every_ sense"  
"Oh my god, I hate you"  
Mason laughed, picking up the box. "I'm not kidding, every guy is always ready for sex. It's practically 70% of his brain. You won't find a guy who doesn't keep at least one condom in his wallet" he concluded wisely, tossing the box in the basket , and taking another one in his hand.  
"This is ridiculous" Liam commented, rolling his eyes.  
"Let's bet?" said Mason, raising an eyebrow in a defiant tone. Liam gave him a single confused look, before Mason's gaze moved to a point behind them, making him turn around. Nolan, Alec, Amber and Corey were coming in their direction, pushing large carts full of supplies.  
"Hey guys, Liam and I are betting here if all the guys have condoms in their wallet or not." The others laughed, stopping close to them, glances that glided over the shelf behind them. "Cor?"  
Corey rolled his eyes slightly embarrassed "Yes, I have it" he admitted almost reluctantly.  
"You guys?"  
"Obviously" Alec snorted in an obvious tone  
"Idem" Nolan muttered "They’ve been there since I turned 14" he announced cheerfully.  
Amber gave him a bewildered look. "Please don't tell me you're using those"  
"Why?" Nolan asked naively  
"Oh my god" sighed Amber shaking her head. Then he pushed the cart past them directly to the cash, glancing mischievously at Liam as she passed by. "Anyway, if you're interested, I'll keep them in my wallet too. You never know when _things_ can happen" she winked.  
   
Liam pursed his lips trying to keep from fighting back. Somehow he just couldn't get himself to like her  
Mason meanwhile had grabbed another box of condoms, throwing it into Nolan's hands as he passed by. "Here, apparently you need them too" he just said, leaving a super confused Nolan looking at him.  
   
Liam snorted a laugh, patting him on the shoulder. At least he wasn't the only naive one sometimes.  
   
*  
   
Liam didn't really know whether to scream or be happy when later in the car opening his bag to get a bottle of water, he noticed the box of condoms on the bottom.  
When the hell had Mason put it there? Sometimes his friend frightened him.  
   
He looked up to meet Mason's reflection in the rear-view mirror that winked at him. He felt his face burn, but really, he couldn't really be angry with him for that. Perhaps he would have even thanked him at the end of this whole story.  
   
*  
   
"Holy shit" was Amber's astonished comment when Hayden opened the door for them, letting them in. The boys walked around the girl with her mouth open, full of envelopes following Josh's indication to leave them in the kitchen. Liam couldn't really blame her. That place was huge, not as great as Josh's Beacon Hills house, but certainly _huge_. The front door looked directly onto the beach, and Liam was sure that from the floor above there was a crazy, complete view of the sea.  
   
"So what do you think?" Josh asked with a satisfied smile, when the shopping was put away, giving everyone fresh beers.  
"Fuck, it's great" Alec commented.  
"It's fucking crazy" Amber added.  
"Wait until you see the bedrooms" Josh said, glancing at Theo who was standing with his arms crossed on the counter, looking at them with a smile.   
"Unlike you sloppy couples, me rather than the bedrooms, I can't wait to see the _sea_ " Hayden said with a smile.  
"Hey, should we really sleep on the floor?" Nolan asked suddenly worried.  
"Actually, I told my father that we were a little over the number, so last week when he was here he replaced the old sofa with this" Josh said, throwing himself on the couch. "It can be opened and turns into a double bed, so we should be affixed. Upstairs there’s my parents' room, me and my brother's bedroom and the guest room."  
Mason frowned in confusion, probably taking the account "So anyway two of us stay outside"  
"There's another couch downstairs in the basement" Josh replied with a shrug. "It's a little wet and dusty, yes, but we should be satisfied"  
"I can't sleep in the tavern, I'm ... allergic to dust!" Nolan said immediately, bringing his hands forward.  
"Good, so Nolan and I take the guest room" Amber immediately booked up raising a hand.  
The rest of them looked at each other carefully. "Oh don't look at me, me and Tracy take my parents' room of course"  
"This is a bit disturbing, you know, but better than the dusty basement" Tracy commented, taking a sip of beer.  
"Uh .." muttered Liam "If you want ... I can sleep in the basement? I don’t really care" He shrugged his shoulders. "So Mason and Corey can take this sofa"  
"Great, problem solved" Alec chuckled .  
"Okay and who will sleep with Liam?" Amber then asked with a big grin. "Hayden?" she turned to the girl.  
   
Theo was seriously about to protest, fuck everything, but Hayden was quicker to his great surprise. He gave Amber a small smile, just saying "I think it would be better if Theo sleeps with Liam"  
"Why not me?" Alec asked , raising an eyebrow. Liam held his breath, sharing a fleeting glance with Theo  
"Because _I_ won't sleep with Theo," Hayden replied simply.  
"So you would sleep with me?" Alec continued, his lips leaning into a smile  
"They're two single beds, don't get too excited"  
"Are you sure, Hayden? I can sleep with you if-" Tracy stepped forward  
"Don't worry, sleep with your _boyfriend_ " Hayden gave her an affectionate elbow and shrugged her shoulders. "I have no problem sharing the room with Alec"  
"Well, we're all settled then!" Josh jumped up from the couch raising his beer. "So ... toast to this vacation?" he cheered happily. Everyone laughed, obeying and rattling their bottles. "To our vacation!" they all did together.  
"Great, put your bags down and go to the sea, what do you say ?!"  
   
*  
   
Half an hour later they were all on the beach, bags and towels and bottles of beer scattered among them. Someone's cell phone played music in the background, and further on Josh, Alec, Theo and Mason were discussing who had the guts to throw themselves into the water first. Liam did not know what they had actually come to an end, but a moment later they were all running towards the water, diving into a bunch of splashes, making scream Hayden, Tracy and Nolan who was on the shore to get their feet wet. Amber was the only one who didn't bother at all, and a second later she threw herself behind them. Corey and Liam laughed looking at them, while Josh and Alec and Amber came back to try to grab the three left on the shore.  
   
Liam didn't find it fun anymore when then Josh, Theo and Mason came for him and Corey.  
   
*  
   
The day flew quickly. They played beach volleyball, they swam, they grabbed some pizza for lunch and took pictures on pictures, laughing again and again. And before they knew it, the sun was already setting and they were all sitting around a fire, Josh and Alec preparing the barbecue for dinner.  
   
Liam felt tired, but as happy and relaxed as he had not been for a long time. The only negative was having to look at Tracy huddled against Josh's shoulder, Mason and Corey kissing every two minutes, Amber sitting between Nolan's legs that encircled her waist, whispering god knows what in her ear ... and to think that he wanted to do the same with Theo, cover that foot between them and cuddle to him, and not letting him go anymore.  
He was so damn tired of hiding ...  
And what's more, he had had the feeling all day that Theo had avoided any physical contact between them as much as possible, and he couldn't help but think it was kinda strange. On the other hand, however, they hadn't been alone for the whole time, _so_ , Liam told himself, _it was perfectly normal for Theo to be cautious ... no?_  
   
*  
   
Shortly after midnight, exhaustion prompted everyone to retire to their rooms, and Theo and Liam went down to the basement. The place was rustic, probably as big as the living room upstairs, but definitely more bare. It was also crammed with worn-out boxes, and there was only a large wooden table and a gross kitchen, and the sofa on which they would sleep. And a small attached bathroom.  
Liam threw himself in the middle of the bed with a sigh, leaving Theo the bathroom. The mattress was thin, and not very comfortable, but he was so tired right now that he would even sleep on a pile of bricks. He pulled out his cell phone, sending a quick good-night text to his mother, before turning it off and putting it on a chair next to it like a bedside table.  
   
When Theo came out of the bathroom wrapped in a soft-looking gray T-shirt and a pair of sport shorts, he sighed, taking a look at the place, before sitting on the bed, his back against the backrest.  
"I can't believe you took us the basement" he said, looking at him with a half smile.  
Liam turned on his side to look at him better, and shrugged his shoulders a little guilty. "Sorry. But it was like the only place a little further away from prying eyes"  
"I know" Theo said, looking away and sliding down his back. Liam looked at him almost on waiting, then raised an eyebrow, his lips tilted in a smirk. "So ... won't you kiss your boyfriend you hasn't kissed for _14_ hours?" he asked ironically.  
Theo gave a snort of amusement before bending over him. "Yeah, sorry, what an unforgivable lack from me" he said sardonically. He pressed his hot lips to Liam’s, who barely restrained a relieved sigh. He did not believe it would be possible, but even that single and simple contact had fucking missed him during the whole day.  
   
So he was somewhat disappointed when after what could only be called a slight peck of his lips, Theo pulled back. He was still smiling, and there didn't seem to be anything out of place about him, yet all he did after was to lie down completely, lifting the covers to cover them.  
   
Liam was sure that the disappointment (he wasn't even sure if it was disappointment, he just knew that the gesture had made his stomach twist in an unpleasant way) was clearly painted on his face, but Theo didn't seem to notice. He reached out to turn off the light and then slipped with a satisfied sigh against the mattress.  
 _That's all?_ that's what Liam wanted to ask. "Are you ok?" was what came out of him, his voice like a whisper that cut the darkness of the room.  
"Yup?" Theo said quietly, apparently not understanding the reason for that question. "I'm just tired, it was a heavy day"  
Liam bit his lip "Yeah" he grumbled. "Me too ..." He was really tired too, he felt his eyelids heavy and his body almost drained of energy. Maybe it was just that, there was no need to really blow stuff up...  
   
Theo smiled before leaning out again, placing another kiss on his lips even faster and lighter than before "Good night" Then pulled his blankets better over his shoulders and turned on his side, and Liam just watched the dark shadow of his shoulders, motionless, wondering what the hell was the problem now. Because there really seemed to be one.  
   
After ten minutes staring into the void feeling strangely tense, Liam snorted, turning to Theo and getting closer, his chest almost touching his back, and his left hand tightened around a corner of the other boy's shirt. "Theo?" he called in a low voice. Theo didn't answer. "Are you already sleeping?" Liam tried again, even more weakly. No reply. Liam let out a sigh of defeat, before letting go and turning on his side too, his eyes now turned to the darkness of the room, trying to sleep at last.  
   
   
In his place, Theo reopened his eyes, his heart beating fast, the guilt that crawled through him. _He was doing the right thing,_ he repeated, as he breathed silently. _He was doing the right thing._  
   
   
*  
   
When he woke up the next morning, Liam found himself lost for a moment. It took him a while to realize that he was not in his room and why. The second later, he realized that Theo was not at his side. He sat up, then noticed the light in the bathroom turned on and relax. _Stop freaking out, Li,_ he scolded herself.  
   
   
There was the clear noise of the toilet flush, and a second later Theo came out of the bathroom, his hair messed up and his face sleepy, but already dressed in his swimsuit and a tank top. He winced when he noticed that Liam was already awake. "Hey" he mumbled then. "Morning"  
"Morning" Liam echoed, watching him carefully. "Did you sleep well?"  
"Y..yeah, and you?"  
"Yes ..."  
   
Was that tension what he felt? Why the hell-?  
   
"Hurry up to dress, I'm starving" Theo smiled at him, giving him a quick pat on the right knee before trying to walk away.  
"Wait" Liam called, crawling on the mattress, until he was seated, but with his feet touching the cold floor, and grabbing Theo's hand before he ran away. Because running away seemed just what Theo was doing. Liam pulled him close, making him stop between his legs. "Wait ..." he repeated again, lower, almost pleading. He bit his lip "Kiss me first"  
"Li .."  
"Please?"  
He pulled Theo's hand as he bent his head upward, and Theo approached almost hesitantly, placing his lips on his. As the night before, Liam knew immediately that Theo was about to back off after a simple peck, but this time he was faster. He clasped Theo's neck with both hands, pulling him forward and opening his mouth. He let himself fall back and Theo was forced by his grip to follow him, staggering slightly before finding balance by pointing a knee at the mattress. He grumbled against Liam’s lips as their tongues finally met, giving birth to a _real_ kiss this time. The way Theo followed his lead, tasting his lips almost greedily, made Liam think that maybe he had been just a little paranoid the day before, and no, there was absolutely nothing wrong. ..  
 Then Theo pulled back, and Liam smiled at him, his eyes almost glazed with lack of oxygen. Theo bit his lip, looked as _destroyed_ as Liam, his eyes falling constantly on Liam's swollen and red lips. Theo swallowed. "We should ..." Liam's heart picked up in anticipation. Theo swallowed again. "We should go upstairs. Probably the others are waiting for us" he whispered then, looking away from Liam's face and standing up quickly.  
   
Liam's smile drop as fast as his heart.  
 "Hurry up, I'll ... I'll wait upstairs," Theo said, before rushing out of the room.  
   
   
 _Okay. Yeah,_ Liam thought , his heart racing, there was _definitely_ a problem.  
   
   
*  
   
   
"So ... how was your night?" Mason asked with a big grin, as soon as they were on the beach later, and the others were out of earshot.  
Liam glanced at Theo, who was busy laughing with Alec and Josh of Nolan who had just fallen face-first on the sand trying to grab the ball.  
"Cold" he groaned sadly in response.  
"Well I can imagine" Mason rolled his eyes amused "You slept in a fucking _basement_ "  
"You know, actually the coldest thing I felt yesterday was my boyfriend" Liam snorted trying to be ironic. Actually there was nothing funny at all. "I don't know what the problem is, but ... he barely talked to me all evening! And he practically ran away from the room this morning!"  
"Well ..." Mason mumbled, playing with the sand, taking it in his hands and then dropping it down again. "You should kinda understand him, it must be _hard_ for him" Then he smiled ironically "No  pun intended"  
Liam looked at him confused. "What does that mean?"  
Mason snorted with laughter "Come on, Li! It must already be hard for him to hold back, at least at home he has a reason to do it. With your parents there, he _must_ hold himself back. But here ... it's different." Mason shrugged. "He's trying to respect your space, but it's difficult, I understand it."  
"But I don't want him to hold back," said Liam gasping almost bewildered.  
Mason smiled at him. "Yes, but he doesn't know that,"  
Liam groaned, dropping his head against the towel. "Why the hell people date? Nobody said it would be so complicated!"  
Mason laughed then looked at him "You know, just fuck already. All your problems would disappear"  
Liam looked at him unimpressed "You really have a way with words eh Mase, did they ever tell you that?"  
"Fuck you" said Mason with a fake pout "If you had listened to _me_ from the very beginning, you'd already be at the altar with Theo, did you hear me?"  
   
   
*  
   
Despite his attempt to keep contacts to a minimum, Theo had nevertheless woken up with his chest completely smeared against Liam's back - squeezing him as if his life depended on it - and an embarrassing and uncomfortable problem in his boxers, which he had had to arrange to fix in the bathroom.  
Theo had no doubt or hesitation about wanting to wait for Liam to feel ready, but he couldn't stop his own body from wanting him. He could not stop _himself_ from wanting him. ‘Cause fuck, he _wanted_ Liam to the point that it almost hurt. He had never felt this way with anyone else before, because Theo felt it wasn't just about sex. He simply felt the need to _feel_ Liam, he wanted to caress him, make him his own, get lost in his eyes and read in it all the emotions he felt, make him feel good, with the awareness of being _only him_ to make him feel good. He wanted something more than just sex. He wanted to make _love_ with him. That kind of _love_ that fills, satisfies and above all _connects._ Something that he probably had never felt before. And Theo wanted it, _craved it_ , only with Liam.  
But he was so terrified of ruining everything that it was easier to leave everything in Liam's hands right now. He was so terrified at the idea of not being able to restrain himself by ending up doing something that Liam did not want, that he preferred to minimize contacts.  
   
It was just so damn hard.  
   
*  
   
That evening Liam was not exactly in the mood for a party, even considering how the last one he had attended turned out. But Josh had said he was on the beach, and that was a real blast, and honestly he didn't want to be the buzzkill, or the loser who said he wanted to stay home. He would go, and he would try to have fun, without even taking a sip of alcohol, for fuck’s sake.  
   
   
The place was pretty nice, Liam couldn't deny it. People danced on the beach, the DJ hovering over them from a wooden stage, and dozens of golden lights hung on their heads, intertwined with the wooden beams of the little kiosk that had organized the party and took care of the bar.  
   
Nolan and Amber had already disappeared somewhere, and a moment later Mason joined him, Corey and Alec who danced on the floor with a couple of glasses filled to the brim. When he handed one to Liam, the boy looked at him suspiciously.  
Mason chuckled. "Don't worry, he's a non-alcoholic."  
"Good," Liam sighed, taking a sip.  
As they danced, his eyes continued to rummage the crowd, falling from time to time on Theo and Josh, standing at the counter.  
   
   
Josh leaned toward the bartender, grabbing two beers and leaving some bucks, before handing one to Theo  
"Um .. dude" Josh gave him a slight nudge, a moment later, grinning "There's a girl over there who's been pointing at you for half an hour"   
Theo had noticed her for a while, but he spared her a single glance, before returning to look at Josh, bringing the bottle to his lips. "I am not really interested"  
Josh's grin widened. "Really? I would think that then you are interested in _someone else_ " he teased him. Theo shot him an impressed look. If Josh was hoping to make him talk like this, he was really wrong.  
   
Josh laughed lightly, bringing the beer to his lips and looking back at the crowd. Then he froze with the bottle on his mouth, his eyes wide open. "Shit, but the one that's making out with Hayden over there isn't Liam ?!"  
Theo turned so quickly that he was sure he had broken something, but when he saw Liam, he was just laughing and dancing with Mason and the others as he had been doing for half an hour. He heard Josh laughing hysterically beside him and understood. "Shit" he blew out shocked, hitting him hard on the shoulder. "You're a real asshole, it's not funny!"  
Josh continued to laugh, raising a hand to wipe away the tears in his eyes, the _asshole_. "Holy shit, you're so fucking obvious!"  
"I hate you," Theo pouted, glaring at him "What's your problem, man?"  
"My problem is my best friend who doesn't talk to me, do you think it's normal that I have to ambush you to make you being honest with me?"  
"You know this is not the problem, it's just that-"  
"Theo, I know. Just remember that I won’t judge you. We are friends, I will always be on your side, no  matter what"  
Theo smiled at him, almost surprised. "Well thank you, Josh"  
Josh took a big gulp of beer. "So ... will you tell me the details now?" he asked, with a hopeful grin.  
Theo's grin widened. "Absolutely _not_ "  
   
"I fucking hate you." Then he put the beer down on the counter, giving him a way too amused look. "Good, then free yourself from her alone" And he left.  
"Wha-?" Theo watched him confused disappearing into the crowd, before looking around and finally noticing the blonde staring at him before approaching.  
"Asshole" he muttered between his teeth.  
   
A second later the girl stood before him, smiling hesitantly. "Hey"  
"Hey," Theo echoed uncomfortably.  
"Sorry if I bother you, but I was over there and I was watching you. And I really need a dance partner. Do you want to join me?" she said cheerfully.  
Theo looked at her for a moment. She was certainly pretty, wrapped in a short floral dress, and old Theo would probably have taken the opportunity right away. But now looking at her he saw absolutely nothing. He _felt_ absolutely nothing.  
   
He smiled slightly, bowing his head almost apologetically. "Sorry, I'm sure you'd be a really good dance partner, but ... I don't think my boyfriend would agree very much" he joked. The girl's smile wavered. "Um, he's over there" Theo turned around imitated by the girl towards Liam, only to notice that he was already staring at them. He looked away as soon as he felt observed, and the girl looked back at him with a shy smile. "Uhm got it," she chuckled. "I'll crawl back into my corner then" Theo laughed too. "It was nice to talk to you. Have fun"  
"You too"  
   
Theo watched her go, before taking back his beer and ending it in one big sip. He turned to put it on the counter and when he turned back to face the dancefloor, he found himself in front of Liam.  
"Hey!" he jumped, then smiled. "I was wondering when you'd come here to save me," he joked.  
Liam glanced in the direction the girl had disappeared. He shrugged "It seems to me that you did very well on your own" he tried to joke  
"Well thanks" he chuckled, with a little bow  
   
Liam bit his lip unsure, before slipping his hand into Theo's and squeezing it, well hidden between their bodies. Theo looked at him, his whole body reacting to Liam's closeness "Do you ..." Liam asked nervously "wanna go to a quieter place?"  
   
 _We should stay here_  
   
 _It is safer_  
   
 _I don't want to risk crossing that line_  
   
That was what Theo was thinking. But all he did was swallow and nod in agreement.  
A real smile finally exploded on Liam's face, and Theo knew he was definitely gone. He let himself be dragged by Liam, his warm hand in his, leaving the whole crowd behind him. Not that it really made a difference. It had been a while since Theo saw Liam and Liam only.  
   
*  
   
   
"I think it's about to rain," Theo said , breaking the silence, which until then had been filled only by the sound of the waves crashing on the shore before them. Liam, sitting on the sand beside him, looked at him amused. "Really? Are you talking to me about the _weather_?"  
"Sorry," Theo said , chuckling, embarrassed. Then he turned to look at him "But you know, it's quite cloudy. I think that _-hmph_ "  
Liam lunged forward, shutting him up with his lips on his and pulling closer. Theo's right hand buried itself in the sand, while the other instinctively squeezed Liam's side. His eyes closed as his mouth opened letting him in. It was a simple kiss, but it was enough to leave him breathless. He had to put himself back together.  
"Do you feel like going for a walk?" he proposed quickly. _Too_ fast.  
   
A shadow of pain crossed through Liam's face. "Why are you doing this?" he suddenly asked sadly. Theo looked down, pursing his lips, the guilt that crept under his skin. "Did I ... do anything wrong? Are you angry with me?"  
"No! Li, that's not it-" he protested weakly, glancing at him in alarm.  
"So what is it?" Liam pleaded "I feel like you have been avoiding me since we got here"  
"I'm sorry" Theo walked away completely, coming back to his spot, looking down "I'm sorry, it's just that-" he sighed defeated. "It's just that I don't want to risk doing something you don't want," he finally admitted.  
Liam hesitated, torturing his lips "Is it for what happened last week? I thought we got that settled..."  
Theo snorted "We didn't settle, Li, we just put it aside. This whole thing ... is new to me as it is for you. But I'm sure that's not how it should work. I ... wish you would talk to me, because as much as I try, I _can't_ read your mind" Theo sighed. "I just wish you could _trust_ me"  
"I trust you!" Liam exclaimed . "More than anyone else"  
"Then talk to me" Theo pleaded weakly, putting his hand on Liam's.  
"I ..." Liam swallowed, keeping his eyes on their hands intertwined in the sand. "I ... I'm just scared" he admitted.  
"Scared of what?" Theo quietly incited him.  
Liam continued to torture his lip, a noticeable blush that colored his cheeks, making his eyes swing between Theo and their hands. "Uhm well mmh ... I ... when I was at Devenford Prep ... you know ... I was kind of dating Brett right?"  
Theo pursed his lips at the mention of the other boy. "Yes, I remember well, what happened?"  
"Well ... he ... obviously he wanted us ... _you know_ ..." He shifted on the spot embarrassed "But I didn't want to, I didn't feel ready, and ... he dumped me. And then he told all his friends and in a moment the whole school knew it. I hadn't even come out yet, you know ... "  
Theo made a sound of pure indignation "That asshole son of a- "  
Liam tightened his grip on Theo's hand, preventing him from getting up to go who knows where. "It doesn't really matter any more now. I don't even think about it anymore."  
"Li-"  
"I didn't realize it until now, because - I didn't really date anybody else after Brett, but it probably made me believe that if I didn't want to doing it with someone, that would have led me to be kind of dump again ...? I don't know-"  
Theo gasped almost shocked. "Li, I would never do that-"  
"I-I know that! Because you're not Brett, and it's me who- ugh, I'm so damn stupid!"  
"No you are not." Theo gave him a reassuring smile "You're not stupid. You're cute, and you're nervous, and  you're scared. It's normal! It's ... your first time" Liam blushed, looking down again.  
"You know, in the last few days I have realized... that with you it is different from how it was with Brett. With him I was just embarrassed, I think, but with you ... I am afraid of not being good enough. I am afraid of being compared to others ..." he admitted with difficulty, swallowing the lump in his throat. "And I'm afraid of being a disappointment. I don't want this, I ... I just don't want ... I don't want to disappoint you, and I don't want you to get tired of me."  
Theo looked at him almost moved, raising his hand to weave it on his lap, and looking him straight in the eye "This won't happen, I'm sure of it, Li. When it happens, I already know you'll be perfect"  
Liam blushed again, but he didn't look down. "I - I don't know if I'll be able to live up to you, and I don't want to risk losing you"  
   
"Have you ever thought that maybe I'm the one not living up to you?" Theo whispered at one point.  
"Huh?"  
"Li, I'm afraid, too."  
"You are afraid?" Liam asked, almost bewildered.  
"I'm fucking _terrified._ " Theo snorted a half laugh. "This ... _us_... I've never had anything like this in my whole life. I want you to always feel safe with me, and I'm afraid to do something that would make you run away from me. I didn't think it was possible, but the very idea of losing you drives me crazy"  
   
Liam's heart was pounding violently against his chest, it almost hurt. He smiled tentatively at Theo "Maybe then we are both two stupids" he joked, trying to break the tension.  
"Maybe," Theo snorted, smiling. "But at least we can be stupid together"  
Liam laughed then looked at him with pleading eyes. "I'm dying to kiss you right now, can I do it?"  
"Li" Theo snorted " _You have to_ do it"  
Liam laughed, as Theo pulled him up so he was straddling his lap. He pulled him close, grabbing him by the hips, and Liam wrapped his arms around his neck, silencing their own laughter with a messy kiss. Theo's hands moved hungrily on his back, while Liam pushed them forward, dropping them with a soft _thump_ on the sand. And at that moment it didn't matter how uncomfortable the sand was against the skin, they didn't see, didn't _feel_ nothing but themselves.  
   
Then a thunder broke the air in the distance. Liam moved away slightly worried, and Theo gave him a grin. "I told you it was about to rain"  
Liam rolled his eyes "Oh shut up" he mumbled, not being able to hold back the amusement, before slinging back on Theo's lips.  
   
"Mmh" Theo mumbled against his lips a few seconds later "You know ..." he looked at him languidly. "Since it's about to rain, it would be really wise for us to just go home, right? The others would have nothing to say"  
A smile twisted on Liam's lips "Yeah, would be very foresight"  
"As you said yesterday, we could give some use to that place "a little further away from prying eyes" that you took us" he continued.  
"Yes we could"  
Theo laughed. "So ... are we going home?"  
Liam smiled back, placing another quick kiss on his lips "Let's go home"  
   
TO BE CONTINUED  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to cut this chapter here because it was becoming way too much long. I really need to learn to control my writing, seriously, half of the things in this chapter was not planned! That's why, as you can see, I changed the number of chapters, but it's nothing definitive. They could be 27 or 29, I really don't know :*


	24. Never felt like this

The lapping of the waves was the only noise that kept Liam and Theo company, while hand in hand, shoes tightened in the free one, they returned home strolling along the seafront, illuminated only by the soft light of the moon, which peeked through the big dark clouds on approach  
   
"Do you think the others will notice that we are gone?" Liam asked at one point, breaking the silence  
Theo chuckled "I doubt it" he said "After the third cocktails, they do not even remember where _they_ are"Liam laughed in turn "Anyway they’ll be too busy sucking each other face" Theo concluded, shrugging with a grin.  
Liam was silent for a moment, "Do you think Alec is sucking Hayden's face now?"  
" _Eww_ " Theo groaned, trying to move away, while Liam clung to his hand tighter, laughing. "I didn't need this mental image, Li, really." Liam laughed harder, bringing Theo back to his side.  
   
Then they fell back into the rhythm of their peaceful walk. "Hey, I think we should really hurry or it'll start raining down on us" Liam said a few seconds later, peering anxiously at the sky.  
"Uhh are you afraid of getting wet?" Theo teased him, tapping his shoulder with his.  
Liam looked at him sideways "I'd really rather not run on the sand under a rainstorm"  
"Really ...?" Theo's grin widened as he stopped in his tracks, forcing Liam to do the same.  
Liam looked at him confused, before Theo tugged his hand toward the water. "Wah, don't you dare, Theo-" Liam whimpered, putting his feet up on the sand to counter Theo's grasp at all costs, and he chuckled. "Okay, if you want to be a chicken, okay," Theo let go of his hand, and Liam looked at him puzzled as he took off his shirt. "I'm going to take a swim," he said cheerfully  
"What? Now ?! Wai- you can't be serious" exclaimed Liam, while Theo also got rid of his pants. Theo gave him a defiant sneer, before rushing into the water without further delay. "This could be the dumbest idea you've ever had!" Liam shouted after him, raising his voice.  
   
He dropped his shoes next to Theo's clothes and threw his cell phone inside, before returning to wet his feet, looking at Theo's figure that plowed through the water with big strokes. A few meters later Theo stood up, his hands rising to pull back his hair. Liam thanked that it was dark, because in normal light situations that sight would probably have been enough to make him faint.  
"Did anyone ever tell you you're crazy?" Liam shouted again to be heard.  
Theo laughed, letting the riptide carry him closer to him, then stopped to look at him, his body submerged to his shoulders. "You come too"  
Liam looked at him with a half smile "Hell no"  
"That's not funny though" Theo grimaced sadly before getting to his feet back to shore. "Has anyone ever told _you_ that you are a buzzkill?"  
"Yeah, you, several times," Liam snorted in amusement, crossing his arms and watching him go out, his hair falling over his forehead, his body glistening with water and his boxers dripping heavily as he passed Liam to reach his clothes.  
Or so Liam thought.  
At the last second, Theo turned, spreading his arms with a devilish grin. Liam had time to make only a horrified expression, and a miserable step back, before Theo wrapped him with all his _fucking_ wet body. Liam trembled against his iron grip. " _Ugh_ Th- holy shit" Theo laughed in his ear as Liam petrified at the definitely unpleasant sensation. "You're fucking _cold_ "  
Theo pulled his head back to look at Liam, without letting him go an inch and looked at him with an amused face. "This is new to me, people usually tell me I'm _hot_ "  
Liam snorted, trying to break free. "You're just an _asshole_ "  
"Really?"  
"Really"  
"Well then I suppose an asshole now … would do this" he then exclaimed, letting his grip slide lower to be able to lift Liam over his shoulder, then starting in the water. Liam would have liked to be ashamed of the shriek that came out of him, but he didn't find the strength to worry about it at the moment  
"NO! No, Theo don't you dare - I will fucking _kill_ you-" Liam's heart sped up as he tried to balance himself, grabbing Theo’s shoulders, pawing and giving him kicks in the meantime.  
   
In his defense, Theo could very well say that Liam wasn't exactly a lightweight and the fact that he had just knocked him in the stomach certainly didn't help. Thus between a confused and intricate interweaving of limbs, they just both fell directly into the water. Liam, who was the one who fell on his back - and Theo will not feel guilty about this - disappeared completely under water, to re-emerge a few seconds later shaking the water away from his eyes and throwing a shocked look at Theo, gasped: "I can not believe you really did that, you're a fucking- "  
Theo never knew what he was, it was a lie anyway. Because Liam was so cute with that sulky face, completely wet, and Theo had to jump forwards and capture his lips with his. Liam's words died in his throat while after a moment of stunning, and he closed his eyes just kissing back. He felt Theo's hands encircle his waist and then slip onto his thighs as he guided him toward him, letting them wrap around his own waist. Liam put his arms around his neck tightening his grip on his legs and getting even closer to Theo. Now they were chest to chest, devouring each other's lips, the salty taste of the water that made its way to their tongues. But at that moment they couldn't care less  
   
Liam could not say for sure how long they stayed like this. He only knew that at some point the riptide had pushed them back to the shore, where the water was only a few inches high, but they had not stopped kissing even for a moment. Liam was now lying on the wet sand, Theo on him, kissing him again and again, as if he could never get enough.  
   
When he finally found the strength to pugh away to breathe, Theo looked at the boy below him, a grin growing on his face "You know, you're cute when you're wet"  
Liam blushed, his hands still clasped to his neck. _I don't want him to hold back_ , he had said that morning. _But he doesn't know that._ Maybe Liam had to ... get him through?  
"Well" he grumbled "I guess you can even do better"  
Theo seemed taken aback, he just stared at him, his heart speeding up. Liam squirmed under him in embarrassment. Mason was right, maybe he had to leave the seducing part to Theo.  
   
"Um-" Liam then stammered just to say something. "I think I felt a drop"  
"What?" Theo croaked  
"A drop"  
"Well we are in the middle of the sea"  
"I mean a drop of rain" Liam rolled his eyes  
Theo smiled at him, leaning in, about to kiss him again "Relax, Li, it _won't_ rain"  
   
It was then that with a crazy rumble of thunder, raindrops began to fall on them, at first slowly then faster. Liam gasped laughing "What did you just say?"  
"Okay, maybe it's time to go home," Theo nodded quickly, rising from above him and helping him do the same.  
   
With the drops of water slamming into his eyes, he watched Theo slip into his clothes quickly. Not that they were good for anything, he probably just wanted to avoid running home in boxers.  
   
When he was done, he ran to Liam, taking his hand and starting to run home. While they headed off at a dead run on the sand, never letting go each others’ hands, they couldn't stop laughing. They were completely soaked, the sand sticking everywhere and even prevented them from running properly, but Liam felt his heart pulsed with adrenaline, and he had never felt so happy as he was now, there with Theo.  
   
When Josh's house came into view, Liam headed for the front door, but Theo yanked him in the opposite direction.  
"Where are you going?" Liam shouted, laughing, letting himself get lead  
"I don't know about you, but I don't have the key"  
"What?" Liam cried over the sound of the rain. "And what do we do then ?!"  
"The tavern door ... if you hit it hard enough, it opens" he replied quietly  
Liam would have liked to point out how unsafe that was, but at that moment he didn't have the strength to protest. They ran to the back, then almost slipped on the stone steps.  
Theo grabbed the worn handle of the door, then turned it, giving it a light shove at the same time. The door opened without protests, and Theo turned to give a smug look to Liam.  
   
In response, Liam lunged forward, taking Theo's face in his hands and pulling him in a messy kiss. Theo seemed amazed, but his hands ran to cover Liam's waist, pulling him close and lifting him slightly. They lost their balance, stumbling into the room, knocking over some of the boxes piled up there. They separated at the sound of broken glass, looking at each other with wide eyes, but unable to hold back a smile. "Oops?" Liam said. They both burst out laughing. "I hope it wasn't anything valuable"  
Theo chuckled, struggling to get away and turn on the light to avoid more disasters. "It is not, otherwise it would not be here to mold, trust me," he commented lightly, before returning to him. "Should we take a look?" Liam asked a little anxious  
"Better not" Theo girded his waist again "Just ignore it" he whispered softly, and Liam's lips instinctively bent into a smile as Theo captured them again in his.  
Theo’s hands burned on his back, although they were both completely soaked. Liam thought they should do something about it, but at that moment he was too taken by the way Theo was kissing him to care. He gladly followed his lead, his hands moving in his wet hair, his head spinning around due to the lack of oxygen and his heart throbbing harshly against his chest, the smell of rain that filled his nostrils. They both breathed heavily from their nose, pulling closer, finding no strength to part. Liam's hand clenched into a fist on the edge of Theo's shirt and was almost at the point of convincing himself to throw it away, when there was a thunderous thunder, a loud beep and everything sank into darkness.  
   
Theo and Liam stiffened, and separated from the kiss, though still hugging each other. "Has happened what I think happened?" Liam's voice asked from the darkness.  
"I think the power went out, yes"  
"Shit"  
"Don't worry, it's something that happens often here during thunderstorms," said Theo careless, moving away from him. Liam heard him move to the right and then slam somewhere. "Fuck- yeah anyway, it'll be back in half an hour, or an hour ... there's no need to worry ..."  
 _An hour ?!_ "An hour ?! And should we stay in the dark for an hour?" Liam freaked out  
"Of course not, help me rather, there should be candles around here."  
"Candles?" Liam repeated skeptically.  
"Yes, I told you it's something that happens here often. These are old house"  
Liam struggled his phone out of his wet pocket and turned on the torch to help Theo in his search. In the cold light of the cell phone, the room seemed almost scary. So he focused on Theo who was poking around in the drawers. At that moment his cell phone vibrated in his hands, lighting up with a text from Mason. Theo turned to look at him, with a bunch of big white candles in his hands. "Is it the guys?" he asked.  
"Yes, it's Mason." Liam answered as he typed an answer "He asks where we are"  
Theo put down all the candles he had found, lighting them one by one, illuminating the room with a faint golden light. Then he took one and walked up to the bathroom, while Liam's cell phone rang again.  
   
"Are they coming back home too?" asked Theo, reappearing with a towel in his hand. He put the candle near the bed and took off his shirt, then proceeded to dry his hair.  
"No, they moved the party inside, and he says they wouldn't be able to come back with this storm anyway," Liam replied, finally putting down the phone and approaching Theo. Mason had also texted "make good use of free house;)" but he would not have told Theo this .  
"Here," Theo said as he handed him the towel. "Get changed or you'll get sick." He snorted. "The rain is just enough to ruin tomorrow's day"  
Liam chuckled, but obeyed "It's just a summer storm, it won't last so long" He quickly wiped his hair, then slipped out of his clothes, wearing his pajamas.  
He sat on the bed and turned to Theo who looked at him with a sulky expression. "I know, but that doesn't change that it just ruined my plan for tomorrow"  
Liam looked at him in amazement, raising his eyebrows "Did you have a plan?"  
Theo gave him a quick glance, blushing slightly and sitting on his side of the bed "Well yes, tomorrow is a month we're together, right?"  
Liam's heart skipped a beat, but he smiled "I didn't think Theo Raeken would remember something like the month-anniversary," he teased.  
Theo smiled "You should be happy, because this is my way of appreciating every single day I spend with you" he said ironically. Liam blushed, because he knew Theo by now and he knew that even though he had said it like a joke, he was actually damn serious. This was just Theo's way of handling embarrassing statements.  
"So ... what did you plan?" he asked.  
Theo shrugged, though his cheeks still had a slight tinge of red "A picnic, just the two of us. There's a place up ahead, a secluded beach that Josh and I found once canoeing"  
Liam looked at him surprised, butterflies returning to flutter in his stomach "Never took you for a picnic guy"  
"There are so many things you don't know about me" Theo teased. "But I could have asked Mason for help," he admitted later.  
"What? And that asshole of my best friend didn't tell me anything ?!" Liam gasped. Theo laughed "This would definitely ruin the surprise, don't you think?" Then Theo's expression twisted "But anyway the fucking rain has occurred to us. I guess we should postpone it for another day"  
Liam looked at him hesitantly. "Well ... I really want to see this secret beach, you know, but ..." He gave him a knowing smile. "I may be a little hungry now" Theo looked at him in surprise "And technically our month-anniversary will be in just forty minutes" he added then, throwing an amused glance at the candles all around them "And we also have the romantic atmosphere, without even having done it on purpose "  
Theo laughed "Are you sure? I wanted to do something... _cool_ "  
"It is" Liam whispered looking at him. "You should be happy," he said then, with a smile, using the same words as Theo's just before "This is my way of telling you that to be happy I just need of me and you"  
A big smile exploded on Theo’s face , before he rushed forward, placing a quick kiss on Liam's lips, then jumping off the bed. Liam followed him with his eyes, laughing at his excited expression and watching him crouch on the ground to take something from under the bed. He emerged two seconds later with a small portable fridge.  
Liam looked at him amused. "Did you put the fridge under the bed?"  
"I didn't know where else to hide it," Theo protested, returning to the bed and sitting next to Liam, crossing his legs. Liam laughed.  
   
They took out everything Theo had prepared, and Liam couldn't help noticing how Theo had chosen all his favorite foods. He never ceased to amaze him how good Theo always proved to know him. Something warm and comforting was growing more and more in his chest as he watched Theo show him everything he had packed. He was smiling like an idiot, he still had damp and messy hair, he had a simple pajamas, soft and broad, but he had never seemed more beautiful to Liam’s eyes. While they were eating, laughing and talking about whatever went through their minds, in the dark, lit only by the soft lights of the candles, the music of Liam's cell phone that casually reproduced background music, Liam couldn't help but think that he wouldn't want to be in no other place. He was with Theo, and that was enough. He didn't need anything else. It was all special, everything was perfect, just like that.  
   
"Here we are," said Liam eagerly, watching as his cellphone finally marked midnight. He smiled, and Theo imitated him, approaching and leaning slowly toward him. He placed his lips on his with a unique sweetness, and Liam slid towards him, clutching the fabric of Theo's shirt with his hand. When Theo walked away a few inches, Liam gulped. That kiss was probably one of the most chaste they ever shared, but Liam couldn't help feeling completely overwhelmed.  
   
"Good month-anniversary, babe" Theo whispered to him, opening his eyes to look at him  
Liam's heart jumped to the pet name, but he smiled, whispering back "I hope it's the first of many others"  
   
Liam was feeling something he had never felt before. It was as if the world had suddenly stopped spinning. As if the world outside that room had disappeared. Forgotten. Without importance. He felt as if that simple moment, that simple place, had been created only for two of them, and he could do nothing but admire Theo. It was as if he saw him for the very first time.  
   
"A _lot_ of others," Theo agreed, kissing him again, this time more intensely. Theo laced his fingers to his, they was still sitting facing each other, legs crossed, and it was a slightly uncomfortable position, but it would have been simple for them to stay there for good.  
   
When the light suddenly returned with a beep, Liam pushed away from Theo's lips, looking at him with a pout _absolutely_ cute "Power is back," he said ruefully.  
Theo bit his lip. "Not for long," he said with a smile, stretching out on the bed to press the switch near the bed. The room returned to the shadows and Theo came back to him smugly. "Seen?"  
Liam laughed, shaking his head affectionately. "Very smart"  
"Always this tone of surprise" Theo said, wrapping Liam again with his arms  
"Did you just quote Harry Potter to me?" Liam smiled in disbelief, letting himself be pushed down on the mattress  
" _Always_ " Theo answered with a grin, settling himself over him, while Liam wrapped his arms around his neck  
Liam laughed wider, marvelous beneath him, his eyes sparkling and his cheeks flushed as he looked at him with beyond words affection. Theo's expression turned serious as he enjoyed that sight  
"Did I already tell you that I love when you smile?" He then whispered. Liam blushed, his heart skipping a beat. Theo smiled "And I love when you blush" Liam lowered his eyes embarrassed "and I love when you look away out of embarrassment." Theo continued, with a growing smile. Liam looked back into his eyes, tightening his grip around his neck. Theo slipped closer to him, caressing his skin, looking at him almost with awe, suddenly serious "And I love when you look at me, I love when you touch me" Theo continued as if he could no longer stop the words "I love when you kiss me, you make me feel in a way- ... I've never felt this way with anyone before ... I- "Theo looked at him, his face clearing, as if he had understood something just then. "I love _you_."  
Liam looked at him with wide eyes, his heart threatening to explode at any moment. He swallowed, unable to find the right words. He suddenly remembered what Mason had told him the day before. _One moment you're there, you look at him and you know it's the right time, and that's it_. That’s it. So he just pulled Theo against him, making their lips clash once again in a definitely less chaste kiss than the previous ones. Under his grip, Theo fell completely on him, his hands running to his sides, clutching the fabric beneath them, while Liam ran his hands through his hair, chasing his lips, their tongues clashing eagerly. The hands moved over each other's bodies frantically, almost as if they wanted to map the entire surface, memorizing each corner.  
   
Without thinking, then Theo lowered his hips, rolling them forward against Liam's, first gently. When he could clearly hear that Liam was already half hard against him, he could no longer restrain himself, and did it again, seeking more friction. He felt Liam tremble against him, pausing, and gasped with his mouth open, against Theo's lips, his hands stopping their journey to the sides of Theo's neck. Theo, breathing heavily, rested his forehead on Liam's, closing his eyes in an attempt to find calm. "I'm sorry," he gasped, against his lips, trying to move away,  
Liam held him back in his grip "D-don't be."  
Theo looked at him faltering. "Liam .."  
"I don't want you to stop" Liam pleaded, looking at him with big eyes, and blushing at the admission  
Theo gasped "Wha-? Are you sure? Why-?" His eyes scanned Liam's face almost frightened.  
"Because I love you too." Liam blew out with a disarming simplicity. Theo's eyes widened, meeting his. And Liam could feel him trembling between his arms "And I want it. I want _you_ , Theo." Liam added slowly. He swallowed. "Exactly a month ago you told me that our first time would be special, remember? And it is. It is special because I am _with you_ " He looked at him completely red in the face and his eyes shining, biting his lip. "Don't hold back, please"  
   
Theo swallowed, nodding then, almost mesmerized "Okay" he whispered. He caught his lips again in his, tasting them calmly this time, lingering on his lower lip, nibbling and sucking it. "Okay," he repeated again, more decisively, when he had moved away. He sat up, between Liam's legs, his chest lowering and rising for breath, and Liam watched him take off his shirt with a fluid gesture. Liam swallowed, sitting back and trying not to be outdone. His trembling fingers ran to the buttons of his pajamas shirt, trying to loose them, without success. He was _too_ nervous.  
   
Slowly Theo came to his help, and Liam swallowed again, looking up at him, admiring him, while the boy was busy undoing button by button. When the shirt was opened, Theo looked up at his eyes. "Li, a-are you sure ...?" Theo asked him again, and seemed as nervous as him, and Liam just fucking loved him for that.  
"I am," he nodded trembling, Theo's warm hands brushing against the skin on his shoulders, as he slid the sleeves of his shirt down, freeing him completely and throwing it somewhere as he had done with his a few seconds earlier. He could only pray that they ended up far from those candles, because he had absolutely no desire to go and check it out at that moment.  
   
Gently, Theo pushed him back against the mattress, kissing him again with abandon, rolling his hips back against his, and swallowing the groan that escaped from Liam's lips, his hands clenching on Theo's biceps, his nails pressing against his skin. He repeated the gesture a second time and this also made Theo let out a groan. He breathed heavily, parting from Liam's lips, only to sling onto his neck. He loved the way Liam immediately pulled his head back to give him better access. Only that gesture seemed enough to push him over the limit. He drew a trail of kisses down Liam's neck, then going down towards his collarbone and glabrous chest, sliding down with his whole body, caressing the goose bumps that began to bloom on Liam’s skin with his lips. He kissed a point above the belly button, then lower again. Liam didn't know what to do with his hands, and feeling overwhelmed, he closed his fists on the sheets under him, pursing his lips, embarrassed by those moans who threatened to get out.  
When Theo touched with his lips a point just above his pants, he looked at him at the same time that Theo looked up at him. He didn't need to talk, Liam just nodded and Theo swallowed, hands trembling as they brushed the elastic of his trousers. He looked at him again. "If ... if I do something you don't like, or you don't want, you have to tell me, Li," he murmured, terribly serious. Liam nodded again. "You have to promise me"  
Liam swallowed, struggling to find his voice, which came out more like a squeak "I promise you" he whispered. Theo nodded to himself, slipping his fingers under the edge of Liam’s pants, then proceeded to slip them off carefully, pausing from time to time to look at the other's face. Liam was staring at him expectantly, almost with reverence. This gave Theo the push to continue. The pants followed the same fate as their shirts. And a moment later Theo's lips were again against the warm skin of his stomach, his hands gently caressing Liam's thighs, slowly rising. Almost as if he were probing the ground, finding out where he could go and how much. Liam didn't protest when his fingers touched the skin of his hips, lingering on the elastic of his boxers.  
"Is it okay?"  
Liam let out a nervous laugh. Because he was like the fifth time that Theo asked him. "Y-yeah ... it's- more than okay," he muttered. "J-just take them off, Theo" then he blew out.  
Theo looked at him with a smirk. "Are you getting impatient, baby?"  
Liam blushed, looking at him "Maybe?" he admitted. "Do you want to do something about it?"  
Theo's smile widened into an expression of defiance as he walked back up, catching Liam's lips in a quick kiss, and pushing away immediately, leaving Liam with his hands outstretched and even more impatient than before, to grumble something that sound vaguely like "Asshole", _vaguely_ , because Theo chose just that moment to pull down Liam's boxers with a single firm jerk, finally freeing the other’s erection. Liam was already hard, and Theo knew he wouldn't last long, considering that it was his first time. Theo was dying to finally make him his own, to find out what it felt like to be inside, to _belong_ to someone who really loved. Someway that was a first time for him too. He would never admit it, but even Theo was fucking nervous. He was just trying not to show it.  
   
But even if he wanted to make him his own at that precise moment, Theo also wanted to go step by step, savor every moment, and allow Liam to do the same. It was the first time he felt this way. He touched Liam's pulsing member with his lips, and the boy gasped audibly when without further hesitation Theo took it in his hands, then engulfing it between his lips.  
Liam gasped, bringing his hands to his face, his fist pressing against his lips to keep from releasing other embarrassing sounds. Theo's mouth was warm against his member, and Liam was already on the edge. He didn't know how long he would endure. His legs were trembling with pleasure, and if that was the beginning, he dared not imagine what the afterward was like. He blushed at his own thoughts, choking back a groan between his fingers, and squirming at the overwhelming sensation, when Theo increased his pace, pausing every time on his head. "T-Theo-" Liam muttered , his voice sounding destroyed. Theo seemed to appreciate, because he let his arms pass under Liam's thighs, his hands caressing his hips, then raising his legs so that Liam could place them on his shoulders, obviously giving him more access, and he couldn't help remembering the stupid video porn that he had seen last week, and was certainly not helpful at the time, and Theo was looking at him from below, he had only to see his eyes to imagine the grin that would have accompanied them if he could, but he could not because it was too busy giving him a blowjob. _Holy shit, was he going out of his mind?_ Liam moaned again, and feeling that familiar warmth in the lower abdomen, he lowered his left hand which ran to tangle in Theo's hair. "Th-theo ... I'm abo-" he wanted to warn him, but Theo continued unperturbed. Indeed, he intensified his movements and Liam threw back his head, unable to restrain himself as he came into Theo's mouth.  
   
" _Ahh_ ..." Liam exhaled, closing his eyes, catching his breath as Theo let him go. He could not calm his heartbeat, and felt his head swimming, still stunned by the orgasm. He felt Theo shifting on the sheets and a moment later his warm body was wrapping him again, and with him the white sheet of the bed.  
"Hey," Theo then whispered, his face incredibly close to his. Liam, who still had his eyes closed, slowly opened them when he felt Theo caress his forehead, pushing back tufts of hair. Liam looked at him, his face flushed and his eyes shining with embarrassment, still trembling in his arms, Theo smiled. Because it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen. "Are you ok?" he asked softly.  
Liam nodded quickly. "Y-yeah ..." he hastened to say. "You?" Then he cursed himself. _What the hell-?_  
Theo chuckled, continuing to stroke his face "I'm fine ... more than fine, I'd say" he kissed him gently. Liam had wondered stupidly if he could taste himself on Theo's lips once it was finished, but at that moment he couldn't taste anything except _Theo, Theo, Theo._ His taste, his smell, the hot skin under his fingers. And he just wanted more.  
Theo walked away a little, their noses brushing slightly, his right hand cupped on his cheek.  
"Hey" He looked at him with a soft expression. "W-we can stop here, Li, if I don't - I mean, we don't have to-"  
"I don't want to!" Liam blushed. "I mean, _I want to_ do it, I-" he looked at him embarrassed, a sudden thought that struck him.  "Unless you don't want to-"  
Theo laughed again, sweet and wonderful "Are you kidding? I want you more than anything I've ever wanted in the world," he admitted without any hesitation, making Liam’s heart speeding up for the millionth time that night.  
"Good," Liam whispered,  
"Good?" Theo repeated, as if he needed to hear Liam's confirmation again and again. To be told that he wanted him. Liam swallowed the embarrassment  
"I ... I want you _in me_ "  
Theo looked at him wordlessly, before blowing a laugh "No, you want to _kill_ me"  
Liam laughed too, feeling a bit of tension slip away and pulled Theo again in a long kiss. Theo shifted as to settle better between the other boy's legs, and Liam made room for him, not sure exactly what to do. He let his hands wander over Theo's body, and Theo's did the same, going lower and lower, pausing on his hips. That was when Liam thought back to the conversation with Mason, how he said a guy was always ready for sex. He pulled back from the kiss and Theo looked at him, hesitating, fearing he had done something wrong.  
"Do you have a condom?" Liam asked instead, more out of curiosity. Theo seemed taken aback by the question, then he widened his eyes.  
"No shit" he blew, propping himself up on his palms to look at Liam. And Liam smiled at his expression. And yes, also because Mason was apparently wrong. Theo seemed agitated. "Okay, I can go and buy them. Yes, I can do that." He started to get up, but Liam laughed, grabbing him by the arm and bringing him back to his place.  
"You will not go out during a storm to buy condoms," he said, shaking his head in amusement, the warm sensation that grew inside him once more at the thought that Theo was really going to do it.  
"But-" Theo said in protest  
"I've got them," Liam said quickly. Theo's eyes widened. Liam pointed to his backpack on the corner. "In the backpack"  
Theo gave him an absolutely struck look, a sneer growing on his face, as he approached the backpack, holding the sheet around his waist with one hand, and opening it with the other, finding out that there were really condoms inside. He grabbed, looking at them with a raised eyebrow as he walked back to the bed.  
"I'm flattered by the high opinion you have of me," said Theo, showing him the word XL. Liam blushed. "Mason chose them"  
Theo grimaced. "Do I really want to know this story?"  
Liam laughs "I don't think so, it also involves Nolan, Amber and some expired condoms"  
Theo's grimace intensified, making Liam laugh "Okay trailer sucks. Forget it"  
He put the box on the nightstand and threw himself back at Liam, pushing him against the mattress and pulling the sheet again to partially cover them. Liam's laughter ended up stifled by Theo's lips on his, as they resumed what they had left halfway.  
   
It didn't take long before the atmosphere overheated. In no time they were breathless again, their hands running over their naked bodies, their lips savoring, leaving trails of fire on their necks, shoulders and chest. Theo's hands dug into Liam's hips when the boy sucked a flap of skin under his ear and marked it. He _fucking_ loved when Liam did that. He rolled his hips again, making their erections touch, and they gasped against each other's mouth. " _Liam_..." Theo moaned, laying his head on the other's shoulder, a plea in his voice. Liam knew what Theo needed. He had already had the opportunity to release his tension, even though he now felt himself back on the edge again, but Theo was still at the starting point. He had become quite confident when it came to making out, but the rest was still unexplored territory for him. So he could only rely on Theo. And Liam was now determined to do it. Completely.  
"You can..." Liam murmured.  
"Okay," Theo whispered against his lips.  
Liam blushed. "I really don't know what to do," he admitted embarrassed.  
"Yeah ... Just follow me" He looked for his eyes, and Liam nodded. "I have to ... prepare you," Theo warned him gently.  
"Y-yes ... I know"  
Theo kissed him again. "But tell me if-" _If_ _I do something you don't want._  
"Yes, I'll do it."  
"I'll stop if-"  
"I won't" Liam reassured him, kissing him in turn. "It's everything okay ..."  
Theo nodded, catching his lips again, rolling his hips and pressing him hard against the mattress. Liam gasped as Theo’s hands slipped down his hips as he settled himself over Liam's left leg, guiding only his right leg so that Liam wrapped it around his waist. Liam swallowed, feeling Theo's right hand caress his inner thigh as he kept  kissing him deeply. "You have to breathe, okay?" he whispered between kisses and Liam nodded feverishly. His heart was pounding against his rib cage, and he felt the adrenaline and arousal and nervousness and fear blend into a single flow that crawled right under his skin. But there was also something else. Something else that seemed to override everything else, something else that had been lacking in the past with Brett and that had prevented him from getting to that point. _Love_. Liam loved this boy, crazily. He wanted to be his. He wanted to _feel_ his own. "I love you" he spat out breathlessly, just moving away from Theo's lips. "I love you," he repeated again. Theo looked at him, with a mesmerized look. Even his heart was pounding hard "I love you too." he answered with a short breath, smiling at him. "You do not know how much"  
   
Theo kissed him again, his hand returning to Liam's right leg around his waist, after it had fallen at some unspecified time. Then he cautiously moved to caress his lower back, his buttocks, and then tentatively touched Liam’s opening. That one simple touch was enough to make Liam tremble against him, to make him breathe faster. "Okay?"  
"Y-yeah..."  
Theo repeated the movement, tracing the outline, and watched Liam take a deep breath, following his advice. He almost smiled at how adorable he was. He put his fingers to his mouth, wetting them with saliva, in the absence of a better solution. Liam watched him with wide eyes, following his movements, as if to memorize them. Theo could see that he was nervous, and embarrassed, but he wasn't scared anymore. He was ... "T-theo, _please_ -" even impatient. This kid would surely have killed him really, sooner or later.   
He caught his lips again with his, finally bringing the first wet finger to Liam’s hole. He stroked it tentatively one last time, before finally starting to push him inside. He felt Liam hold his breath against his lips. He pushed it deeper, before pulling it out and repeating the movement, and then again. And again. He soon started a rhythm, twisting his finger to get Liam accustomed to the feeling.   
Liam had buried his face against his shoulder, breathing heavily, trying to get used to the feeling. It didn't hurt, it was just ... _weird._ Then Theo began to press slowly with a second finger. " _A-hh,_ " Liam stammered, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. _That_ definitely hurt  more. Theo placed a trail of kisses on his neck and chest, before catching his lips again and pressing his two fingers deeper. The grip of Liam's leg twitched around him as he began to move and twist his fingers inside him as the boy's entire body trembled beneath him. "Are you OK?" Theo asked worried. Liam looked at him with shining eyes and a flushed face and his hair ruffled on the pillow "Y-ye- _ah"_ Liam closed his eyes suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of uncontrolled pleasure. All of a sudden he had stopped being strange, he had stopped hurting, but, even though he kept feeling that burning feeling, it was becoming _pleasant_.   
Then Theo added a third finger. And he pressed _hard_ , pushing his fingers in and out with quick movements. And something in Liam broke. He writhed violently beneath him, feeling a shudder of pleasure overwhelm him when Theo hit a point inside him, and then again and again and _again_. He groaned, his hands running to cover his face, to silence those embarrassing moans. Theo's free hand slid over his, "Look at me, Li, you don’t have to hide from me," he whispered. " _Please_ , I wanna hear you."  
Liam opened his eyes, letting Theo's hand push his hand away from his face. And holy shit, he was just about to come just seeing Liam's broken expression. "I-I'm sorry," Liam panted, putting his hands on Theo's warm shoulders, while Theo kept moving his fingers inside him with increasingly fluid movements. Liam's body was now welcoming him without any resistance.  
"You don't have to be ... you ... you're fucking perfect, right now. You _always are ..._ " he kissed him again, a wet kiss, breathless and _dirty._ Liam gasped again "T- I- I'm ready, I d-don't want to c-come like this-" he muttered, breathless, a blown away expression on his face. If he came this time as well, he wasn't sure he'd hold on for a third. " _Please_ "  
"Okay" Theo breathed as he rested his head on Liam's shoulder and slowed the movement of his fingers to a stop. Liam whimpered against his chest as he pulled out. He pulled his head back, breathing heavily. If Theo's fingers were enough to make him feel like this, he didn't dare imagine what it would be like to have him fully inside himself. He felt Theo move to grab one of the condoms and watched as he unrolled it on his taut erection. Liam swallowed. Theo was certainly _huge._ He couldn't believe they were really going to do it. When he was ready, Theo returned to him, kissing him gently. "Okay, remember when I told you that you have to breathe" Liam nodded trembling "Okay now you have to breathe more" Liam let out a half, trembling laugh "Okay" he breathed out.  
"I-I trust you"  
"Yeah?" Theo looked at him with eyes full of affection, he felt almost as if all his feelings, all that he had always held back, were escaping now uncontrollably.  
"Yeah" Liam repeated in a whisper, with a brief nod of his head. Theo gave him a last deep, intense, laden with unspoken words, kiss, before kneeling between his spread legs, panting, with shortness of breath, his body tense in anticipation. Liam looked at him expectantly, his chest rising and falling, his leaking erection almost hurting on his stomach, his mind clouded by all that waves of emotions. He watched Theo leaning in, his cock in his hand, guiding him towards his opening, while he kept glancing at him quickly, almost frightened that Liam could back out at any moment.  
He felt him then press at that point, still hesitating, torturing his lips between his teeth. Liam felt a shiver run down his spine only at that simple contact, "T-theo" he breathed in, breathed out reaching out a trembling hand to stroke Theo's hair. The boy looked up at him, and leaned in his touch, gently kissing the palm of Liam's hand, and that was the moment. No more hesitations. Theo pushed inside him, slowly but firmly. Liam felt like being split open. He tightened his hands on Theo's shoulders, clawing him with his fingernails, and throwing back his head, a cry that escaped his mouth, suffocated by the fact that he was biting his lips so hard that he almost made them bleed.  
Theo gasped at the overwhelming sensation. Liam was so _damn_ tight, that he could have come in there, right now. He breathed heavily from his mouth, Liam's nails pressing against his skin as he slowly pushed himself deeper and deeper. His head was spinning, the arousal clouding his mind, making him want to push himself deeper and deeper into him, making him want to move, fast and hard. But he couldn't. He had to make sure first that Liam was okay.  
Liam's eyes were full of tears when Theo came to be completely buried inside him. And he closed them, clinging to Theo, his head hidden in the crook of his neck. His whole body trembled, burned, throbbed. It hurt, but he wanted more. It was something foreign, but at the same time familiar. He wanted to disappear out of embarrassment, but at the same time he wanted to hold on to Theo and never let him go anymore. He didn't even know what he was feeling.  
Theo winced when he sensed Liam tremble against him, feeling tears fall to his shoulders. "He-ey, did-did I hurt you?" he breathed out, worried. Liam pulled his head back to look at him, with his shining eyes, then shaking his head. He was not very convincing given the way he was still shaking. Theo's hands ran to dry his tears at the corners of his eyes.  
"Yeah, instead, I hurt you. You're shaking."  
Liam gave him a trembling smile, stroking his shoulders." You're shaking too" he pointed out weakly. Theo's heart skipped a beat. And he noticed it only at that moment. It was true, he was shaking. But certainly not for pain. He was simply _overwhelmed_. And he couldn't help wondering if Liam felt the same way at that moment.  
   
Then Liam wrapped his arms around his neck, his breathing short, pulling him closer and making their lips clash abruptly. "Theo y-you can move -"  
He did not need to be begged this time. He was really over the limit. And without even stopping for a second kissing Liam, Theo finally pulled out, only to get back in right after. It was as if an electric shock went through Liam's entire body. He gave a muffled sound against Theo's lips, feeling at the same time a pain mixed with pleasure. Theo repeated the movements, getting in a slow but destructive rhythm. Soon nothing remained of the pain, and Liam's mind was completely clouded with pleasure. Theo kissed him again, a messy , wet, open-mouthed kiss, his hands gliding greedily over his chest, his hips, his legs, guiding them so that Liam wrapped them around his waist. And he pushed inside him harder, raising his body, with a new angle that made him hit that point inside him again, and again. Liam instinctively threw his head back again, his eyelids flickering closed, as yet another moan escaped him. Or a confused litany of Theo's name. He didn't even know what he was doing. Or saying. Theo's lips immediately ran to kiss, bite and lick his exposed throat.  
Then Theo increased the pace of his thrusts, and Liam felt his body move back in response, meeting his movements. And there he stopped trying to hold back any kind of sound. He tried to bring his fist to his lips again to keep from making too much noise, but Theo was faster. He covered his hand with his, intertwining their fingers and slamming them against the mattress. Theo crossed his watery eyes, continuing to push inside him, bringing Liam closer and closer to the limit. "Stop holding back, I want to hear you," Theo gasped.  
" _Uh,_ " Liam mumbled, closing his eyes, his face flushed and twisted. Theo smiled, because it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen. And at the same time he thought that there was nothing more beautiful in the world than looking at Liam that way, his expression twisted up out of pleasure, knowing that he was the only reason. Knowing that he was the first seeing Liam like this. He could have spent all night looking into his eyes like that. "You are perfect ... so _fucking_ perfect" he panted, continuing to move inside of him, placing light kisses on his forehead and cheek, under his ear, on his neck ... "Everything about you is perfect ... _ah -_ you don't have to hide from me"  
Liam opened his eyes again, Theo's words echoing in his ears, meeting the other boy's eyes. They had that light in their eyes again as if Theo was somehow reading him inside. And that was how Liam felt. As if Theo was completely and inexorably inside of him, in every possible way. "I love you" he panted. Theo kissed him again.  
"I love you _ah_ -too-" Liam replied, "S-so mu _-ah-_ ch"  
He felt the orgasm built inside of him, and he knew that he would not last much longer. And Theo was pounding harder and harder inside him, panting, and gasping as he buried his head against his shoulder. And Liam felt as if every thrust hit deeper and deeper inside him, sending him adrift. Then his whole body stiffened under the strength of his orgasm, rolling his eyes back, clinging firmly to Theo's shoulders as he came, still untouched between them. Theo's pushes became more and more frantic, chasing his own orgasm  
"Li- _ah_ -m" he panted, and then he was coming too, his body trembling in the arms of Liam, who held him, lapping through the fog of his post-orgasm, basking in the blissful and wonderful expression on Theo's face, his hair plastered on his face and his eyelids flickering half-closed for pleasure. Liam thought he was perfect, perfect as always.  
   
Theo dropped on him, both breathing heavily in a tangle of sweaty limbs, neither finding the strength to move away from that moment. Liam's hands were continuing to gently caress Theo's shoulders when Theo rose to catch his lips in another kiss.  
When they parted away, both of them still out of breath, Theo let his forehead rest against Liam's, noses that still touched each other, causing their eyes to meet. A smile formed on Theo's lips and Liam mirrored him.  
"Okay?" Theo could only ask   
"Okay” Liam replied.  
Theo rolled down from him, using the few forces he had left to remove the condom and throw it in the basket, then pulling the sheet to cover them both. He then stretched out his arms to pull him against his chest "Come here," he said. And Liam didn't need to be told twice. He wrapped his arms around Theo's waist, snuggling against him, his eyes heavy of sudden weariness. They probably would have needed a shower, or get dressed or maybe they should have talked about what had happened - Liam was not very educated about good manners in bed - but at that moment he didn't have the strength for any of this. And Theo seemed to be on the same page. He just hugged him, burying his face in his hair, and Liam clung to him as his life depended on it. And they let sleep take over them.  
   
After all, they had all the time in the world, after all that was only the first month, of many more to come.  
   
TO BE CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay that's happened!! Sorry if this sucks, but smut is really not my thing. I can't write that, and I was unsure about putting it in the story, but somehow I felt like it was... owed? Don't know, hope it's not so disappointing!


	25. Top of the world

The first thing Theo felt even before opening his eyes that morning was the slight smell of cinnamon slightly mixed with the smell of rain coming from something soft that tickled his nose. The second thing he felt was the pleasant warmth coming from the body wrapped in his arms. The third thing was an overwhelming and comfortable feeling of peace. He inhaled deeply, burying his nose even more in Liam's hair, before finally opening his eyes.  
Theo’s lips instinctively tilted into a smile as he tightened his grip around Liam's torso, stroking his still bare skin.  
He couldn't believe they'd managed to sleep, stuck in that position all night. Liam was practically almost fully spread over him, his arms tight around his waist and his head resting under his chin, still blissfully asleep, his heavy but steady breaths brushing against Theo's skin making it tingle. And Theo held him close to him, each’s legs intertwined with the other’s in a way that should have been uncomfortable.   
Theo would remain like that forever.  
   
Without stopping a moment to smile, Theo basked in the sight in front of him, from the thick lashes that drew dark shadows on Liam’s cheeks, to those red lips that Theo would spend hours kissing, gently stroking his hair, gently tightening his grip around him. When Theo leaned over to kiss his forehead first and then his neck, Liam shifted beneath him, mumbling in his sleep and rubbing his nose against Theo's chest. Theo's smile grew as he kissed him again, this time on the tip of his nose.   
This time Liam let out a moan of protest, raising his hand to touch his nose, before snorting. "-op it, Theo" he muttered, his voice muffled with sleep  
Theo laughed "Are you awake then?"  
Liam settled better against Theo, his lips tilted into a smile, despite still having his eyes closed. "Not really" he muttered, before slowly opening his eyes and making eye contact with him. Theo smiled, looking at him. "Good morning"  
"Morning" Liam muttered again, rubbing himself against Theo again, closing his eyes and hugging him tighter.  
"Are you comfortable?" Theo teased him.  
"Yes a lot," Liam just said, with an amused tone. Theo's chest lowered and lifted under his cheek as he laughed. "Why are you laughing?" Liam asked, almost pouting.  
"I'm not laughing, I'm smiling" Theo replied calmly, stroking his hair again.  
Liam tilted his head, resting his chin on Theo's chest to look at him, a slight blush that reddened his cheeks now that sleep began to dissipate "Okay, and why are you smiling?"  
"Because I'm happy." Theo's tone had suddenly become more serious, and Liam could feel his heart racing under him. His instantly adjusted to his.  
"Yeah?" he asked, a sheepish smile that grew on his face too  
"Yeah"  
"Well, then I won't complain about the fact that every single part of my body _hurts_ "  
They were both still laughing, when they kissed. Theo pulled him closer, while Liam slid with his body higher to have a better access to the other's lips, his hands still tight around the waist.  
They kissed as if the air that each of them needed to survive was in the other’s lips, and when they parted, their foreheads still brushing, Theo was looking at him with this strange expression, between the mesmerized, the fonded and raw and simple desire.  
Liam's heart sped up, and he felt himself blushing again, pieces of the previous night that came back to him. He was sure Theo was thinking the same thing too.  
   
Liam cleared his throat, without moving at all, still in Theo's arms, their faces almost touching. "Do you think it's still raining?" he asked vaguely.  
Theo snorted, moving, and resting his head on his shoulder, his nose tracing a line along Liam's neck. "I don't know and I don't care, I want to be locked in here all day"  
Liam swallowed. He gave a stifled half laugh, moving his hands absently on Theo's back, his fingers brushing the elastic of his boxers a couple of times. "We can't be closed here all day, Theo. And I think we _really_ need to take a shower."  
Theo finally looked at him, a smirk on his face "Yes, probably. I feel a little gross"  
"Do you want to have the first?"  
Theo raised an eyebrow towards him, and his expression promised nothing good "Or maybe we could do it together?" he suggested.  
Liam was about to have a heart attack. Seriously, it should be forbidden to say such things without warning, especially to someone with Theo's voice, still low and hoarse from sleep.  
Liam looked at him for about two seconds with his eyes wide open, wishing he had previously asked Mason for advice in case of this eventuality, before finding out that he actually _wanted to do it,_ so the rest didn't matter, did it?   
"Okay" so he muttered in response.  
After what happened last night, taking a shower together wouldn't have been a big deal at all.  
   
   
Liam was wrong. (because when was he ever right?)  
When Theo, as soon as he entered the bathroom, got rid of his boxers without hesitation, Liam was about to have his second heart attack, and the day had only just begun. He felt his face on fire again, and did _everything_ to keep his eyes on Theo's face, and not to lower it to _anything else._ Theo, for his part, seemed to be having the time of his life, the _asshole_.  
He looked at him crossing his arms with that grin on his face, raising an eyebrow. "Will you stay like this?" he teased him.  
Liam snorted, sucking his lip in embarrassment, as he put his fingers on the elastic of the boxers. Then he stopped like this, meeting Theo's gaze. "Turn around," he said petulantly.  
Theo looked at him deadpanned "Are you kidding me?" Liam just looked at him, completely flushed and Theo laughed, rolling his eyes and turning melodramatically.  
   
If Liam had thought it would be less embarrassing given the previous night, he had to change his mind. Because somehow, _this -_ standing in front of each other, completely naked, completely _exposed_ , in the clear light of day - was very different. Liam felt much more vulnerable than he had felt the day before, and as the water began to flow over both of them, Liam thought that perhaps this was even more intimate than sex. His heart was pounding, and he really regretted not asking Mason what the post-sex shower label was. He sucked hard on his lower lip again, torturing it with his teeth, looking for something to say. Theo continued to look at him amused, and almost waiting  
   
"So ... what are we supposed to do in the shower?" Liam asked, trying not to seem affected by the situation at all. Actually he definitely tried to sound provocative, but he didn't seem to have done a good job.  
"Showering?" Theo said unperturbed, raising an eyebrow.  
Liam blushed. "No-I- _ugh_!” he sighed “I hate you”  
Theo laughed taking a step forward, placing his hand on the tile wall next to Liam's head. Liam swallowed, wondering how Theo managed to look so perfect and damn cool even under a stream of water and with his hair stuck to his face.  
"Well ..." Theo said, and his provocative tone was far more effective than Liam's. "There are other fun things to do in the shower if you want me to show you ..."  
   
And that was the third heart attack of the day.  
   
*  
   
Liam had to admit that he felt a bit of a hypocrite to admit that he couldn't get the night before out of his head, and above all, that he couldn't wait to do it _again_.  
And it wasn't just for the pleasure of doing it, he realized, but for that fluttering sensation in his stomach, that feeling of happiness that made him feel almost like he was floating, at the mere thought of how much more incredibly close he felt now to Theo, to how much he felt he belonged to him - they belonged to each other.  
And he could not take his eyes off him, while they all rumbled in the kitchen, laughing, talking, passing dishes and glasses and cooking. And Theo was no exception.  
He loved the way the other boy smiled at him, almost shyly, joy that shone even in his eyes; he loved the way their eyes lingered more on each other, full of affection and veneration, as if they were communicating without even needing words, even from a distance.  
He was pretty sure they were almost obvious in the eyes of the beholder, but Liam found out he didn't care much. Theo was his, they _belonged_ to each other, and he wanted to scream it to the whole world.  
Liam on the one hand could not believe that he had waited so long for this, that he had been _afraid_ of this, but on the other, he was happy to have done it, waiting had made that moment somehow more _precious_. And Liam wouldn't trade this feeling for anything in the world.  
   
   
While they were having breakfast, they could see the sun peeking out of the huge clouds from the big windows, and although it was certainly not cold, the air was still damp from the storm of the previous night. And since - which according to Josh - the beach was not the only deserving thing in the area, they gave up their program, opting for a tour of the city and the Pier.  
   
So they found themselves walking drifting through the streets of the city, passing from one shop to another, stopping at a McDonald's for lunch and then taking refuge in a huge shopping center when a light rain began to fall from the sky. While Hayden and Tracy - also dragging Amber with them - disappeared in some clothes shop, and Alec and Nolan stopped drooling on some new video game, Josh and Theo said that they would go and get drinks for everyone and to meet at the tables of the bar in a while.   
Liam stopped on a free table large enough for everyone, his feet burning, not in the mood to take another step. And it was then that happened what he have waited for all day.  
   
Mason nodded to Corey towards Josh and Theo - probably telling him to help them with drinks - while he pointed to Liam.  
When Corey turned, Mason began to approach Liam with his smug grin printed on his face. Liam feigned disinterest, even when Mason sat in front of him, crossing his hands on the table and studying him deeply.  
"So ... is there anything you'd like to tell me?" he teased him.  
Liam rolled his eyes, though a slight blush colored his cheeks. "Like what?" he asked  
"Well maybe why you and Theo seem ready to tear your clothes off at any moment?"  
"Mason!"  
"Oh come on, I know that look!" he exclaimed, chuckling. "You did it, didn't you?"  
In response, Liam avoided his gaze, becoming even more red. "Oh god, you really did it!" Mason said, leaning towards him with a big smile on his face.  
Liam looked at him briefly with a shy smile on his face. "Y-yeah ... we did it" he admitted then in a low voice.  
"It was fucking about time!" Mason sighed eagerly, then gave him again his mischievous look "So ... how was it?"  
Liam groaned. "Mason, I wo-"  
"Come on!" Mason rolled his eyes "I'm not asking you in what _position_ you did it-" Liam literally caught fire "-Just how it was"  
Liam sucked his lips embarrassed, his eyes falling on Theo standing at the counter, laughing wonderfully between Josh and Corey "It was like you thought?" Mason asked again, this time more seriously.  
"No ..." Liam replied slowly, looking back at him. Mason raised an eyebrow, waiting. Then Liam smiled. "It was even better"  
Mason also smiled, while Liam drummed his fingers gently on the table, then speaking in a low voice, but full of emotion "It was ... it was all you said would have been. And ... I don't believe that I'm really saying this, but ... " He shook his head, sighing, his lips tilted in a sheepish smile "I can't wait to do it again”  
“Uhh” Mason hummed, almost moved, teasing him "Liam also joined the dark side! I guess now you’re happy that I bought you that condoms!" he winked.  
"Stop it, Mase" Liam grunted, and looked away embarrassed, only to notice Mason a few seconds later that kept staring at him with a strange pompous look on his face. "What?" he snorted half a laugh, rolling his eyes  
Mason chuckled, shaking his head. "Nothing, just-" He looked at him, a grin on his lips "Would you ever imagined when you were nine that your first time... would have been with _Theo Raeken_?!"  
Liam snorted heavily "Hell ... no!" And they both burst out laughing.  
"It's crazy how things change huh," Mason considered.  
"Yeah ..." Liam nodded thoughtfully. "At first it terrified me _how much_ they were changing, but now ..." he shrugged, calmly. "I wouldn't want it in any other way"  
Mason smiled fondly at him. "I'm happy for you two, Li" he said then, very serious. "I hope everything will go well."  
"Yeah," Liam sighed, watching Theo get closer with the others. "Me too"  
   
*  
   
They all sat down together around the table to drink their milkshakes, the afternoon passed pleasantly, chatting and laughing about this and that. And Liam was happier than ever, even though their little trip was about to end, even though he would have liked to lean over and kiss Theo every time their eyes met, even if there was only one week left for the wedding, and Liam couldn't not think that their time together in such a peaceful way was running out ... it was still fine.  
Because he could feel Theo's shoulder press against his, sitting perhaps closer than anyone else, and every now and then Theo slipped his hand under the table, on his knee, squeezing it gently, until Liam intertwined his fingers with his, wishing only to be able to bring them to his lips and kiss them. But he only looked at him, he knew they would understand each other without speaking. Theo just smiled at him, and felt it would be all right.  
   
*  
   
As the sun went down, the group set off along the Santa Monica pier, admiring with open mouth the panorama in front of them, the lights that illuminated it, and the majestic Ferris wheel in front of them.  
After they had caught something for dinner from a nearby hot dog truck, they lined up for the amusement park. Alec and Nolan had their hands stuffed in a packet of candy they were sharing, Amber who slipped between them stealing some from Nolan's hand, a smile printed on her face, while Josh and Tracy passed each other a beer.  
Corey and Mason walked hand in hand at the back of the group, and Liam felt a little jealous as he walked side by side with Theo, wishing he could do the same. They just walked close together, their arms touching, sharing body warmth  
   
"This place is amazing, it seems just come out of a movie" Hayden commented looking at the lights all around them.  
Amber followed with her eyes the roller coaster currently running, thrilled by the screams of the people on board. "Oh I want to take a ride on that!" she exclaimed, pulling Nolan by the hand. The boy paled "What?" he croaked.  
"Come on, don't be a chicken" she pulled him cheerfully, before looking at the others "Who is coming?"  
Mason and Corey shared a knowing look. "We are in"  
"I am following you," Alec added . Hayden and Tracy also queued.  
Josh shook his head, "I'm not drunk enough for this," he chuckled. "I'm going to try my luck at the booths over there. T, are you coming too?" he did as the others ran to line up in front of the attraction.  
"Absolutely not" Theo snorted with a serious frown. "I won't get fucking played by strange bearded men again" He shared a knowing glance with Liam as they both remembered their experience at the fair.  
"Okay, whatever. See you soon" he greeted them winking cheerfully and stepping away.  
When he was out of sight, Theo turned to Liam with a smirk. "Well we're finally alone," he said, sliding his hand into Liam's.  
Liam looked at him with a smile. "What do you want to do?"  
Theo assumed a thoughtful mock expression "I saw something before that could be fine"  
Before Liam could add anything else, Theo was pulling him forward and Liam could only get carried away, his heart floating happily.  
   
"Seriously? Again?" Liam asked impassively, when Theo stopped in front of a photo booth. Theo laughed lightly. "Come on, it could be fun," he said snidely before guiding him inside.  
It was as tight as Liam remembered. The only difference is that now that closeness no longer made him feel scared or uncomfortable. He just wanted to undo it more and more. Theo stood behind him, wrapping his arms around him, his lips tilted in a smile as he squeezed him and placed a light kiss on his neck, while Liam pressed the buttons and started the countdown.  
Liam turned halfway between Theo's grip as he started "How do we do them?" he asked.  
Theo shrugged "Just be stupid"  
"Uh this should come easy for you" he teased, returning to look at the camera with a smile.  
Theo snorted and made the gesture of biting Liam's shoulder in response, as the camera took the first photo. He pulled Liam closer, his chest smeared against his back, his hands gripping his waist tightly, while kissing him on the cheek from behind. Liam was smiling, his eyes closed, as the camera took the second one.  
Then Theo pulled back, Liam tilted his head to look at him and they were still smiling as they watched each other intensely, the countdown in their ears, before leaning forward at the same time and bringing their lips together in a kiss they were waiting for since that morning. It took the last photo, but they continued to kiss.  
Without separating for even a second, Liam turned into Theo's arms, throwing his arms around the other's neck, who pulled him even closer, his hands running everywhere, while the kiss became more messed up.  
Theo pushed him against the bottom of the cabin, pressing against him with his whole body, and leaving them both breathless, as they parted slightly, forehead against forehead, breathing against each other's lips, and with eyes shiny and blurred. As Liam’s met with Theo's, he wondered if there was lust or love in them. Probably both.  
And Liam just wanted to drown in it.  
   
The sound of the machine that started printing the photos distracted them. They turned abruptly towards the plain tent that separated them from the rest of the world and Liam blushed slightly. He had almost forgotten that they were not alone.  
 This was an effect that Theo often gave him.  
   
"We-" Liam croaked before clearing his throat. "We should get out of here, you know ... before someone arrest us for public indecency"  
Theo laughed, before nodding. "Yes, you're right. It's not really the way I thought I would let the world know about us"  
He leaned forward again, placing a last light kiss on Liam's lips, before stepping back, taking his hand again and guiding him out.   
   
Liam leaned down to grab the photos, and as he watched them - Theo leaned on his shoulder to do the same - felt his heart swell incredibly just to see their _happy_ expressions. Both their faces seemed to shine with pure _joy_.  
And he wanted everyone to see them, so that everyone understood that nothing that makes two people _so_ happy, so _complete_ , could be wrong.  
   
*  
   
 They walked for a while hand in hand, walking through the park, until they got back to the starting point, not far from the entrance. Theo looked around to see if any of the others were in sight.  
"Look, they're here." Liam caught his attention, pointing to a stand where Josh, Alec, Nolan and Amber were gathered. At the time, Amber was the one who was using a shotgun against the cans lined up on the bottom. Liam shivered, because honestly he would never put even a toy gun in that girl's hands.  
They left their hands reluctantly, with a sigh, taking two steps in their direction when someone called them from behind. They jumped, turning to see Mason, Corey, Tracy and Hayden walking towards them.  
"Here you are finally, where were you?" Corey asked quietly.  
"Uh we- we were- around here?" Liam stammered, shifting on the spot under Mason's amused gaze. He dared not imagine what he was thinking given the fervent mind that he got!  
   
"We were going for a ride on the Ferris wheel, are you coming?" Hayden asked.  
Liam was still busy feigning indifference to Mason's gaze as he replied with a vague "Uh yes- okay?"  
"Okay?" Theo repeated looking at Liam skeptically.  
"Great! Come on, it will be fun!" Mason exclaimed, standing between them and taking them arm in arm.  
They let themselves be guided to the cash desk, where Mason paid for three laps, distributing the tickets around. "Sorry guys, but Corey and I really need a private cabin, if you know what I mean"  
Tracy moaned, taking a ticket from his hands "We didn't really need to know that!"  
"Why did you get three?" Hayden asked   
Mason shrugged, pretending to be dumb. "I figured you didn't want to share."  
 He handed the last one to Liam, winking and mimicking with his lips a "you'll thank me later." Theo snorted amused, while Mason took Corey's hand, leading the way.  
   
When they were on board and the door closed behind them, Liam dropped onto a seat, and Theo sat across from him. The cabin moved slowly, slowly gaining height.  
"You know, I seem to remember quite well that you were _afraid_ of heights" Theo observed with a curious frown.  
Liam had taken a rigid pose, sitting exactly in the middle, as far away from the windows. "Just don't make me look outside"   
"Isn't this the point of a Ferris wheel? Enjoy the _view outside_?" Theo joked.  
Liam smiled maliciously "Well I thought the point was to kiss when you are at the top, or in the middle ... You know, we have 18 minutes for free"  
Theo laughed "Fair point" He got up, stopping in front of him and stretching his hand to Liam, waiting for him to take it.  
Liam looked at him for a moment unsure before placing his on his palm. "What-?" Theo pulled him slightly making him stand up and Liam obeyed, then watching Theo sit on the ground, his back against the wall.  
"What are you doing?" Liam laughed .  
"So you won't have to look outside, will you?" Theo answered simply. "Come here"  
Liam shook his head amused, before imitating him. He sat down beside him, his arms touching and Theo stretched out an arm to wrap it around his shoulders. Liam let out a satisfied breath as he rested his head on his shoulder, his gaze lost towards the window, from which he could now only see the starry sky.  
"So ..." Theo looked at him smiling a few seconds later "What was you saying about that kiss?"  
Liam smiled too, and without saying a word he leaned forward capturing his lips. They kissed for what seemed like an eternity, in Liam every trace of fear was gone, forgotten, overwhelmed by that feeling of peace and happiness, made of Theo's lips, warm and soft against his, made of his hands that squeezed him as if he were the most precious thing in the world, made of the way he smiled while kissing him, the way he looked at him as if he were his wish come true.  
"Are you still afraid?" Theo asked him a few seconds later, when they parted, his voice low, using his free hand to take Liam's and hold it in his lap.  
"No," Liam replied calmly, shaking his hand firmly and looking at him. "Right now I feel literally on top of the world, and I'm not afraid of falling at all"  
A wonderful smile exploded on Theo's face, more beautiful than any panorama he could have admired from the window.  
Theo used the grip around his shoulders to pull him against his chest, squeezing him and kissing the top of his head. "I love you, you _cheesy_ " he whispered then, his mouth pressed into his hair, breathing in his sweet scent. Liam smiled against the soft fabric of his shirt, tightening his waist  
"I love you too, you dork"  
   
*  
It was shortly after midnight when they returned home. They sat on the veranda for about fifteen minutes, having a drink and chatting, until tiredness began to prevail and slowly one by one they began to retreat to their room. First Nolan and Amber, then Tracy and Josh.  
Alec had fallen asleep still seated, his head hanging over his chest and he literally jump three feet from the ground when Hayden patted him on the head. Everyone laughed as Alec frantically turned around before lying down, wrecked. Hayden looked at him spiteful.  
"Are you coming to the room? Or do you prefer to sleep out there like a horse?"  
"I just lost 10 years of my precious life here, give me a second" he breathed, a hand to his chest.  
Hayden rolled his eyes "See you upstairs then. Night guys!"  
Alec jumped to his feet instantly "Oi! Wait for me!"  
"Don't be noisy," Theo called after them. Hayden flipped him off without even turning around as everyone laughed.  
   
Five minutes later they officially declared the night over, leaving the sofa free for Mason and Corey, and Theo and Liam also went downstairs.  
   
When Theo left the bathroom, he found Liam lying on his side, intend to admire the strip of photos they had taken just before.  
"Hey," Theo called out softly, getting on the bed and lying down behind him, hugging him from behind. Theo also smiled at the photos. "See? I told you the photo booth was a good idea"  
Liam laughed "Yeah, you were right" He stretched out with difficulty carefully placing them on the bedside table next to his cell phone, before sinking back into Theo's arms, while he placed a kiss on his neck.  
"Are you tired?" Then Theo asked.  
Liam bit his lip before slowly answering "Not really" Liam felt Theo's lips tilt in a smile against the skin of his shoulders, and he turned in his grip, so that they were face to face. Theo let him do it, then arranging his arms around his waist once Liam was in a comfortable position.  
"You know ..." Theo began trying to sound unbothered "About last night ..." Liam's heart skipped a beat. "Given today's busy day, we didn't really get to talk about it, you know..." he concluded.  
Liam swallowed "What about that?"  
"Um well ... I mean... you didn't tell me ... how was it?" Despite his calm tone, the slight shudder in his voice betrayed his nervousness.  
Liam blushed slightly. "Well ... you didn't tell me either" he murmured, embarrassed.  
"I asked for it first," Theo said ironically, raising an eyebrow. Liam rolled his eyes smiling.  
Theo cleared his throat, squeezing him more "Um- I know the first time isn't always the best, that’s it- uhm, I-" he added nervously.  
Liam's eyes widened slightly, sensing Theo's concern. It was also his after all. "It was perfect, Theo," he said softly. "It was as I thought, and even better"  
Theo smiled, hiding his face against his neck, his nose that brushed the skin under his ear, making him goosebumps.   
"So ..." Theo gave him a mischievous smile "Are you not too scared to repeat the experience?"  
Liam laughed at his nerve, blushing slightly but whispering a "No, I'm not."  
Theo's smirk widened, and a moment later he was pushing him against the mattress, straddling him.  
Liam looked at him half amused, half displaced "Did you mean now?" he asked breathlessly, but let himself be kissed, wrapping his hands behind Theo's neck, then passing them through his hair, while Theo's hands wandered all over his body, stopping at the edge of his pants.  
   
Then Theo pulled his lips away from Liam's, propping himself up on his arms and looking intently at him and Liam grumbled at the loss of Theo's hot body against his "I’ll stop if you don't want to"  
Liam looked at him blushing, sucking his lip again "I never said I didn't want to" he admitted then. And that was enough for Theo to launch again on him with a big smile on his face  
   
   
They did it again and again that night, first slow and sweet, then fast and rough, their bodies slowly learning to get to know each other, their hands brushing, intertwining, pulling each others closer, lips pressed together, whispering, panting each other's name, repeating how much they loved one another as a prayer.  
   
And if by chance there was something even above the top of the world, Liam was sure he had just gotten there.  
  
   
TO BE CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not very sure about this chapter. I tried to write it for days, but I had not ispiration. I hope it didn't turn out so bad eventually! 
> 
> Also, I take this opportunity to wish all of you happy christmas (kinda late) and a happy new year (kinda ahead)


	26. The good and the bad and all in between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, sorry for the late, getting closer to the end of a story always stress me! Hope u like it anyway ^_^

 

 

Theo never imagined coming home would be so  _traumatic_ . In one way or another, carving out a moment just for the two of them had always been difficult, even in the weeks before the trip, but now that they had finally taken that fateful step forward in their relationship, it seemed that fate did it on purpose to get in their way.

Or probably, in Liam’s words, fate had little to do with it, the fault was mostly of the imminent wedding. After all, it was less than a week away and throughout the house there was a strange atmosphere of excitement and anticipation ... and anxiety? Theo was sure he had more than enough of the latter, as the approach of wedding coincided dangerously with the moment Jenna and Paul would find out the truth about them.

This was one of the reasons why Theo wanted to enjoy these last moments of peace, but unfortunately there always seemed to be something in between.

It had happened the first time on Tuesday right after the trip. Jenna had just left home to go to work, and obviously they wasted no time. They were blissfully and happily rolling on Liam's bed, and Theo had just pinned Liam against the mattress, willingly letting a kiss erase the grin on his face. He was already anticipating the moment when he would make Liam his again, he could feel the warmth of his body against his, his body trembling with anticipation and his heart beating fast under his wandering hands ...

Then Jenna called. Out of fright at the sudden sound, as he snapped into his seat, Liam had ended up giving Theo a headbuck on the nose, sending him with ass right on the floor. If that wasn't enough to ruin the mood, Jenna had screamed in a panic that she had forgotten to go and pick up the tuxedos from the laundry, and ordered them to go and get them  _right away_ .

The next day Theo became positive that was not about the wedding, but  _definitely_ about some crazy external superior force. Liam told him that the only crazy thing here was his ability to choose friends.

In fact, that day Liam had decided that apparently climbing on Theo's knees and just kissing him was a good way to distract him from the movie they were watching in the living room. And who was Theo to complain about that? But he hadn't even had time to taste the other's lips properly, the hands that had just found their way to Liam's lower back, pulling him close... when someone rang the bell. Theo had opened with a bug up his butt, and Liam had wondered, while Josh walked in as if it were his home and sat among them on the sofa, eating  _their_ popcorn, if it were possible to be charred by the intensity of a glare.

Then that evening it had happened that Mason had casually asked Liam if he had thought about a gift for the wedding, and Liam had realized, that no, they had absolutely not thought of anything. And this was  _unforgivable_ . And from that moment Liam had not stopped thinking about it for a moment, and the topic had quite monopolized their evening. Theo was annoyed, especially because Liam had rejected his fantastic idea of giving them an annual supply of condoms  _"you know, just to be on the safe side"._

Until then Liam had a sudden breakthrough the morning after hearing Theo sing in the shower, and apparently remembering how much he liked his voice. When he rushed into the bathroom, Theo thought that maybe  _that moment_ had finally come, but no, Liam had only opened the shower curtain, bursting excitedly that they should  _sing_ something for their parents at the wedding, and then he had run away almost slipping on the wet floor, telling him to hurry up, get dressed and join him to start practice. 

They spent the next day choosing a song that Liam was able to play with the guitar, and by the afternoon Theo would have preferred to jump under a bus rather than listen to another love song. In the evening Paul dragged them out to dinner with his friends for some sort of bachelor party, despite Theo's sarcastic comments that a bachelor party could not be done when you’ve already been married. Paul didn't have to be on the same page, because he enjoyed his "last unmarried night" to the point that when Liam and Theo took him back to his room that night he was  _definitely_ tipsy. Liam prayed that his mother would never find out.

Later when they heard Jenna snorting annoyed something that sounded vaguely like "I can't believe you got drunk without me", he realized that maybe there wasn't much to worry about.

Saturday was busy with rehearsals for the wedding, which was even more ridiculous according to Theo - because " _I want it, I want it, you can kiss the bride. You don't need a degree for this, Dad!"_ He had said. But he had to change his mind when, from his place next to Paul as his witness, he had forgotten that the arc that stand above them was not a  _real_ arc, but simply a pile of aluminum and paper mache, and he had leaned on it, knocking everything down under the officiant's severe eyes. Liam was still laughing of him.

So on the fateful Saturday night before the wedding, Theo was yeah, quite annoyed, and quite frustrated, and maybe a little depressed, because he just wanted to kinda… make out… with his boyfriend, but apparently he wasn't allowed to.

When Liam had knocked on his bedroom door, asking him if he wanted to go to McDonald's since neither Jenna nor Paul were hungry out of the agitation, Theo had jumped on excited.

Of course, McDonald's was not like sex, but it came  _very_ close to it.

*

 

"Would you like to... park somewhere?"

 

Theo slowly turned to Liam sitting in the passenger seat as they slowly drove away from McDonald's. "What?" he asked, frowning in confusion. His eyes ranged over Liam's face, the flush that had made its way almost to the tip of his hair, and he got what Liam meant. "I said ... would you like to park somewhere?" Liam repeated again, almost choking on the words. Theo didn't believe his ears, and Liam probably didn't either. Theo blinked, staring at him halfway between amazed and confused. "Do you want to fuck on a roadside?" he asked deadpan a few seconds later

 

Liam groaned eagerly throwing his head back, an embarrassed grimace forming on his face, and hitting him in the shoulder. "Why have you always to be so gross, you asshole! Do you really have to use  _that_ word?"

Theo rolled his eyes as he kept driving, alternating his gaze between the road and Liam. A smirk grew on his face, at the idea that perhaps -  _perhaps -_ he was not the only one who wanted it as he had begun to fear. "Oh forgive me" he then charged with sarcasm, without being able to stop smiling "Do you want us to make love" he chanted "- _on a roadside_ ? You amaze me every day more, I didn't make you like the type guy interested in trying public sex" His smile widened even more as Liam with another embarrassed moan sagged on the seat, his arms crossed and an adorable pout on his face, cheeks still dusted with red.

"So you don't want to?" Liam muttered, just to know.

Theo didn't answer for a while driving and tapping the steering wheel with his fingers. "I know a place where we can park without risking jail," he said with a whisper. Liam barely held back his grin.

But how is that Theo’s fault? McDonald's and sex? It was literally heaven, and who was he to say no?

*

 

"You have to ride me"

 

_"What?"_ Liam's eyes widened, blushing and looking shocked at the boy above him "Forget it, Theo, it's ... - it's  _embarrassing_ !"

Theo stopped moving, if what he was doing before could be called that. He had always thought that his beloved pick-up was cosy and comfortable, but at the moment, he hated it. Who made the seats so small, huh?

"I don't make the rules, Li, but that’s how car sex works," explained Theo petulantly, moving to find a more comfortable position, or one that would allow him at least to ... do what they had to do.

"Ah, so there are also  _rules_ now?" Liam rolled his eyes, then tightened his hands tightly on Theo's shoulders with a grimace of discomfort, evidently because Theo - trapped between his legs - had just made a move that he didn't appreciate very much. "And by the way they always do it in movies!"

"Those are movies, this is  _reality,_ " Theo snorted , stopping and looking for a place to get his hands and support himself that wasn't occupied by the other's fit body, while looking at Liam under him with a frown. "And the reality is that we are two guys with bodies way too bulky for this fucking seat. I ... I don't even know where to get my hands! I told you we had to get in the back"

"And I told you. I won't have sex outdoor!" Liam exclaimed petulantly.

"We are still outdoors!"

"Yes, but we are protected"

"Protected from  _what_ ?"

"I don't know" Liam snorted exasperated, hitting Theo lightly on the bare shoulder "... from bears, murderers, werewolves ... whatever you want!"

"Werewolves ..." Theo repeated scandalized "What if I’m the one who wants to kill you now?"

Liam stared at him, raising an eyebrow, sardonic. "Isn't there a rule that forbids you to death-threaten the boy you're fucking?"

"Ah-ah! You said 'fucking'." Theo said , worthy of a five-year-old boy

"Oh my-, I will kill you too" Liam moaned throwing his head back

Theo laughed "You know, I think we are missing the point here" he commented a few seconds later

"Yes,  _you_ definitely are missing it" Liam retorted, giving him an ironic look.

Theo looked at him for a moment, his mouth open, his lips tilted upwards "Who are you and what have you done with Liam Dunbar?"

"Oh god ..- I just want-" Liam fell silent. He sighed in exasperation, looking into Theo's eyes and then blushing again "- _make love"_ he spelled it out. "with my boyfriend, is this too much to ask?"

 

Theo hesitated. "I would say no" he replied sweetly.

"Good"

"Will you ride me?"

"No!"

Theo snorted exasperated. "Ok  _okay_ ! Move further, I don't know where-"

"Wait- maybe like th-"

 

"-No move on the left, Liam, don-  _no-wooh_ !"

Theo hit the bottom of the pickup with a dull thud, his groans of pain echoing Liam's above him. "Holy shit-" Liam whimpered

"I said  _left"_

_"_ I thought you meant  _my_ left, not  _your_ left!"Liam protested weakly, trying to move and untangle himself from Theo. Theo's hands ran to squeeze his hips holding him in place. Liam looked at him meeting his grin. He rolled his eyes puffing, his face slightly red and his hair ruffled "What is it now?"

"Well at least now you're riding me"

And if Theo stayed with blue balls that evening, he had to admit that maybe he had deserved it.

*

 

The awakening that morning was frantic, at least for Liam and Theo.

 Jenna had gone out at dawn for an appointment with her make-up artist and hairdresser, while Paul woke them up a couple of hours later saying that he would come to get Jenna to take a couple of shots with the photographer and that they would all meet at the location chosen for the wedding ceremony and dinner.

They had probably gone back to sleep at some point, because it was definitely  _late_ .

"Are you ready?!" Theo rushed into Liam's room, already dressed in his tuxedo and his hair masterfully pulled back. His fury, however, ran out on the threshold, stopping on his track, as if enchanted, when Liam turned to look at him, ruffled and with a desperate expression on his face - but still beautiful, Theo could not help but think - while he kept the tie wrapped around him neck with both hands. Liam's eyes widened slightly, looking up and down admiring the wonderful boy in front of him, but the nervousness had to get the better of him because he bit his lower lip, his cheeks flushed, looking at Theo in anguish and moaning eagerly "I don't know how to tie this damned thing!"

Theo snorted an affectionate laugh, approaching and stopping in front of him. "Come here. Leave it to me," he said softly. He took the tie directly from Liam's hands guiding him so that he was right in front of him. As Theo knotted his tie to perfection, Liam finally let his eyes wander over him, from his focused gaze, to his perfect hair, to his body wrapped in an elegant suit.

"Y-you are beautiful," he croaked, raising his eyes to meet Theo's in perfect synchrony with the other boy. Theo's lips tilted into a smile as he gave one last fixing at Liam's collar, never taking his eyes off his. He moved closer, a warm breath tickling his lips. "You too." Theo blew out, before adding in a more provocative tone "I mean, you are always beautiful, but in this dress ... you are breathtaking" he draw him closer by lightly tugging on the tie, then whispering on his lips "But you would be even more beautiful without it" 

Liam blushed. And Theo smiled, pulling it harder this time and smashing their lips into a hungry kiss. Liam moaned against his lips and cupped his hands on his cheeks, pulling him closer, while Theo wrapped his waist, both breathing heavily through their noses.

"Theo ..." Liam breathed on his lips "we really ...  _really_ ... have to go ..." he muttered between kisses, sounding like one who would have preferred to do something else. "We are  _quite_ late"

Theo moved away from his lips, still holding him close to him. "Fashionably late?" he then tried hopefully

"No. In a very  _real_ kind of late"

"Okay" Theo sighed in distress, loosening his hold on him and taking a step back. He knew Liam was absolutely right. He looked at him narrowing his eyes "But you won't be able to escape me forever, Dunbar" he warned him, an ironic threat in his voice.

Liam looked at him with a smirk, smoothing a crease on his shoulder, before taking a step towards the door "I hope so"

 

It was just because the two of them were Jenna and Paul's wedding witnesses - and yes, perhaps because they loved them way too much - that Theo didn't push Liam onto the bed, completely not caring about the lateness.

  


*

Liam found it really difficult not to let himself be overwhelmed by the moment while he was standing next to his mother, a whirlwind of emotions that stirred his stomach. He let his eyes wander, towards the lake which bathed the expanse of grass on which they were, and towards the crowd, while the officiant went on with the ceremony, a violinist playing a light melody in the background. His gaze fell first on Mason and Corey, who smiled happily at him, their hands intertwined, Corey's head resting on the other's shoulder, as they sat next to Mason's parents, then on Stiles, sitting next to his dad. And on Scott sitting between Chris and Melissa, also with watery eyes.

“ _I promise to love and to cherish you…”_

While his mother and Paul intertwined their hands, exchanging their vows, Liam noticed with his eyes Nathan, that his mother was trying to keep in place, sitting next to a man and a girl who he imagined were Adam and Tara.

_"... every day of my life ..."_

Josh made a flashy wave with his hand when he met his gaze, and his father pulled his sleeve, motioning for him to be good. Next to Josh's parents, there was an elderly couple, also with intertwined hands, and shiny eyes that Liam recognized from some photos like Paul's parents. The woman was holding a handkerchief near her eyes, wiping her tears from time to time.

_"For better or for worse…"_

Then there were people he didn't know, especially Paul and his mother’s coworkers , but it didn't matter. His heart swelled with affection and joy at the thought that everyone was there to celebrate this important moment for them. That was everything someone could ask for, he thought, on his wedding day. Have all the people who matter most to you, close by your side like that. He found himself thinking about how much he would have wanted that one day too 

_"Till death do us part"_

His gaze instinctively returned to Theo, standing behind Paul, who could not help giving occasional suspicious looks to the arc above them, as if evaluating its stability. He couldn't help smiling, thinking about how much he would want all this  _with this dork_ , and as if he could sense it, Theo looked up at Liam, and his lips immediately tilted into a huge smile that was the exact mirror of his.

_"Do you , Jenna Marshall, want to take this man to be your husband, to love and to cherish him  every day of your life?"_

 

Liam stopped trying to hold back the emotion when his mother uttered the fateful "I do", and a silent tear ran down her cheek.

_"And do you, Paul Raeken, want to take this woman as your bride to love and cherish her every day of your life?"_

Theo was staring at the clasped hands of the two with some kind of determination, repeating in his mind that he shouldn't cry,  _absolutely_ .

_"I do"_

 

_"So in front of these witnesses, your family and friends ... I name you man and wife.”_

Theo raised his head to the sky, when he felt something wet slip on his cheek wondering if it was about to rain. It took several seconds to realize that he was crying too.

"Can I kiss my wife now?" Paul asked smiling.

"Yes you can," Jenna replied ,smiling through tears.

"Yes, you can," the officiant echoed happily.

Without further ado, the two kissed and the crowd rose, exploding in a thunderous applause. Liam and Theo shared a smile full of hidden meanings as they joined the crowd, and Liam slipped by his side. As another tear ran down his smiling face, continuing to cheer, Theo met his mother's gaze. She was crying too, and she gave him a big comforting smile as if she were telling him that everything was fine.

Maybe in some moments it was okay to cry, Theo thought, and there was nothing to be ashamed of

*

 

The restaurant responsible for the catering had set up a pavilion not far from the point where the ceremony was held, covered by a large white tent, with white flowers on each table and drapes hanging on the ceiling. There was also a small wooden stage, where an amateur band was playing, while elegantly dressed waiters slipped between the tables and the guests serving lunch. Liam and Theo sat at the central table with their parents, although Paul and Jenna did nothing but slip from one table to another to greet all the guests. At one point Theo was also gone, Liam had seen him speak first with his grandparents and then with his mother. He then lost track of him when he was distracted by grandma Raeken who had taken him as hostage, or at least had taken his cheeks hostage by pinching them repeatedly and repeating how  _adorable_ he was. Then the woman began to tell him anecdotes of when Theo was small, like that time when he was four at Christmas and he entered the house, noting the perfectly decorated Christmas tree in the living room, and running to meet it shouting fascinated, and knocking it completely in an attempt to hug it. Apparently the habit of knocking down decorations had remained. Liam couldn't wait to make fun of him for this.

Then he told him about when he had gotten stuck with "The Jungle Book", jumping all over the house, clapping his hands on his chest and asking everyone to call him "Tarzan", until he fell on his face trying to jump from a tree to another in the garden. Liam was literally crying with laughter at some point.

Then when Theo's grandfather came to take his wife back, apologizing, Liam assured him that he couldn't have asked for better company. Liam continued to chuckle for at least an hour, every time Theo looked at him, although Theo had no idea what the hell there was to laugh about.

When lunch was over, Jenna and Paul started the dancing and many of the couples followed suit. Liam looked around to see where Theo had gone again, as it was almost time for their surprise. He sent him a text, typing to bring his ass there because it was time for the show.

_Holy shit_ , it was Theo's only answer. Liam chuckled looking at the cell phone.

"Hey"

Liam looked up at Mason, smiling at him. "Hey Mase" Mason took a seat next to him. "Are you okay? Where's Corey?" he asked then. "I thought you would have conquered the dance floor by now

"He's with your boyfriend, who is apparently going to have a panic attack," Mason replied.

Liam rolled his eyes. "It's so dramatic. A little embarrassment might help deflate his ego."

 

Mason laughed. "I'm quite surprised here that you're not the one with an ongoing panic crisis, you know"

"I am" Liam admitted with an amused grimace, torturing his hand on his lap "But it's for a good cause, so ..."

Mason looked at him for a while, as if studying him carefully, and biting his lips. "How ... how do you feel?" he asked then. Liam did not need to ask to know that they were no longer talking about the performance, it was enough to see the serious expression on Mason's face.

"I don't know," he answered a few seconds later, watching his parents dance and laugh happily in the middle of the dancefloor. "This ... it's like it's a new beginning and an end at the same time. And I ..." Liam half-laughed, staring at his hands and shaking his head weakly and then looking back at Mason again. "I don't know what to feel. What is it called when you are happy and sad at the same time?"

Mason smiled, squeezing his knee in a comforting way "It's called just being human"

Liam gave him a small smile full of gratitude. "You know... I like to think that in one way or another, life always finds its way ..." Liam's gaze returned to Jenna and Paul. "Take those two ... did I ever tell you how they met ... or rather,  _re-meet_ ?"

Mason frowned. "Re-meet?" he repeated confused.

Liam nodded with a smile. "Mom and Paul went to high school together, but they never really talked, they were ... just classmates, that’s it... then everyone took their own way and they never saw each other again. My mom ignored every invitation to class meetings over the years, and the same goes for Paul. Then three years ago, she got the invitation right when we just got back to live here. I told her it would be good for her to go out, and that she could make some friends, and so she went. And Paul had decided to attend for the first time that night, because he had just broken up with Gabe's mother, and Theo literally forced him out of the house ... "Liam chuckled to the last part.

"Wow, so you and Theo literally pushed your parents towards each other." Mason commented, nodding his head sarcastically.

"If that's not fate, I don't know what it is." Liam commented , with a bittersweet smile.

"Well ... did you ever think that maybe ... it wasn't just theirs?" Mason then said "All this has also brought you and Theo close ... maybe it was also  _your_ fate"

Liam looked at him with wide eyes, his heart speeding to that new perspective of things "You ... do you believe that?" he croaked.

"Yeah" Mason laughed affectionately "I really believe it" Then his gaze was drawn to something, and Liam followed him to stop on Theo who had appeared near the stage, flanked by Corey, and with Liam's guitar in his hand. "Come on, go make your show ..." Mason pushed him lightly on the shoulder "for all four" Liam laughed, before getting up and walking towards Theo. Corey wished them good luck before returning to Mason.

 

Liam exchanged two words with the band's guitarist, who smiled at him, motioning for him to sit on the stage. Slowly the attention of the presents slipped on them, and Liam hesitantly approached the microphone, tapping on it with his fingers. An annoying screech made him grimace as he searched for Paul and Jenna with his eyes.

"Um- Can we have your attention for a moment?" he called timidly, the voice that rang out for the pavilion. Jenna and Paul looked at each other in surprise, before turning to them. "For those who don't know us ... I'm Liam, and this is Theo, and we- we are Jenna and Paul’s sons." Liam heard someone in the crowd cheering, and Theo rolled his eyes, because it could only be Josh. Liam laughed embarrassedly before continuing. "Theo and I wondered what we could give you, on this day so important to you, and in the end ... I thought that singing for you would be something you would remember forever, and Theo agreed surprisingly. Even if his motivation was that making a fool of yourself is the greatest display of affection possible. " Someone in the crowd chuckled. Liam raised the guitar slightly before continuing "My mom gave me this guitar when I was eleven, and taught me to play it, saying it would come me in handy, and that it would be the best way to amaze a girl." Liam met Jenna's gaze with a smile, and she laughed. "Would you ever have said, Mom, that in the end you would have been the only woman I would have surprised with it?" he joked. "So, I guess I have to ask you to put up with us for a few minutes ..." he concluded. Theo took a step forward, putting himself in front of the microphone, with an amused grimace on his face and intruding "I want to say that if it were to suck, the idea was all Liam’s, dad!" he exclaimed, causing a wave of giggles to explode again. Liam rolled his eyes, pinching his arm. "Stop being a jerk" he whispered, forgetting that the microphone was still on, and making everyone laugh again.

"Shall we start ?!" Mason shouted sarcastically from a table at the far end. Liam blushed faintly as he bent over the microphone again. "Okay, um- we'll sing "My Escape"by Ravenscode" Liam saw her mother's eyes light up and smiled more confident "... which is also the song that our parents danced on that fateful day of three years ago when they met ...  _again_ ." Liam turned to the audio attendant, motioning for him to start, while giving way to Theo on the microphone and holding the guitar.

Increasing music began to resound for the place, as silence fell on the crowd, waiting. The couples who were standing on the dance floor, including Jenna and Paul, stared at them, embracing their partner, their attention towards the two boys.

Theo swallowed his nervousness as he began to sing, his voice at first weak and hoarse from agitation,

 (the song they sing: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69dioVo0E4I)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69dioVo0E4I)  
  
 

_Would you help me to find a new way_

_Would you guide me through all this again_

He looked around for Liam for support, and Liam smiled encouragingly, continuing to play, and Theo's voice grew steadier.

 

_Don't let me slip away_

_I need you here till the very end_

_So stay here with me_

_There's so much love in your smile when I look at your face_

_And I'm here to stay_

_You're my first and my last love_

_And you're my escape_

Theo looked back at the crowd, smiling as he continued to sing more vigorously. Jenna and Paul were smiling, swinging on the spot to the rhythm of the song. And so everyone else ...

 

_So tell me you'll be right here with me_

_Hearing your voice is like hearing an angel sing_

_Through the good and bad and all in between_

_You're the one I want and the one I need_

Liam moved forward, to side Theo, moving his lips singing the song silently, theo’s incredible voice echoing in his head, words that came straight to his heart. Mason was right, the song wasn't just for Jenna and Paul, it was for all four…

  


_You taught me to live each day_

_To live each day like it's my last_

_I won't make you turn away_

_So come with me and never look back_

_After all that we've been through_

_You are still by my side and I'm grateful you're there and I, I love you_

_You're my best friend and I want you to know I care_

Now they were both singing, someone was moving their hands up to the rhythm, Mason was waving a lit lighter up, making Liam smile even more, and Jenna ... Jenna was crying moved. And Paul looked at them as if he hadn't seen anything more amazing.

 

_So tell me you'll be right here with me_

_Hearing your voice is like hearing an angel sing_

_Through the good and bad and all in between_

_You're the one I want and the one I need_

_And I know ..._

At that point, Liam and Theo were both belting it out, a smile on their faces as they faced each other, their hearts throbbing full with adrenaline ... It was all just perfect.

 

_So this is how we planned it knowing we won't be alone_

_And this is how it's supposed to be when you knew it all along_

 

_So tell me you'll be right here with me_

_Hearing your voice is like hearing an angel sing_

_Through the good and bad and all in between_

_You're the one I want and the one I need_

_So tell me you'll be right here with me_

_Hearing your voice is like hearing an angel sing_

_Through the good and bad and all in between_

_You ' re the one I want and the one I need_

_And I know_

_And I know_

_And I know_

The music slowly faded, and their eyes fell on their parents again.

_Would you help me find my way home?_

Theo whispered the last line into the microphone before the pavilion exploded in an applause. Theo murmured a breathless "thank you" into the microphone, before turning to Liam, huge smiles that still split their faces, and hugged him tightly, Liam's guitar hanging on his side. "I love you," Liam whispered, his head against his shoulder, a whisper audible only to him. Theo held him tight, "Me too ... me too"

They separated only to see Jenna and Paul come towards them, tugging at them in a group bone-crush embrace. 

"It was so ... so ..." Jenna gasped unable to find the words. "Amazing," Paul said . "You were amazing, guys!"

"Thanks," Liam muttered , hugging tightly.

"So I think I can take the credits for the gift too," Theo's voice said somewhere in the bunch of interwined limbs, making them laugh heartily.

And Liam just wanted to stop time at that moment.

*

As the night fell on the place, the party seemed far from over. Indeed, it had become even more eventful if possible. This allowed Liam and Theo to sneak away undisturbed at some point in the evening.

"Where are we going?" Liam asked with a chuckle, letting Theo drag him along the shore of Lake Tahoe.

"Where no one can see us," Theo replied enigmatically, shooting him only a quick but breathtaking smile. Hand in hand they walked until the lights of the party were far away, and the noise of the crowd was so low to be easily overcome by the gentle breaking of the waves on the shore. People were just distant dots from there, and they could trust they were the same for them. There was a surreal silence around them, peaceful ... and the moon reflecting on the lake as the only source of light gave the place an almost ethereal appearance.

"Look, there's a pier, let's go over there" Theo called his attention, cheerfully pulling his hand.

"I remember the last time you said these exact words, I ended up in the lake," Liam observed, arching an eyebrow, but unable to do anything but follow Theo.

"I won't push you in this time, I promise you ..." Theo laughed as they reached the far end of the pier. He stopped, turning to him, a small smile on his face. "I prefer to keep you here, you know? Where I can hold you without risking you trying to drown me"

Liam laughed "Well, you definitely deserved it," he teased, "So ... if we're not here to drown each other, why then?"

Theo's smile widened as he pulled his cellphone out of his pocket, along with a tangle of wires. "You know, I seem to remember you owe me a dance" he said allusively. Liam frowned. "... considering that the last two times you've always run away from me. First, at Sinema, the New Year's Eve ..."

Liam took on an expression of fake shock and reproach. "Well excuse me if at that moment I was kinda freaking out, having just found out that I was attracted by my stepbrother..."

"And then prom night..." Theo concluded, as if the latter was unforgivable and without excuses.

"Do you blame me?" Liam widened his eyes, amused "You were going to kiss me in front of the  _whole_ school!"

"Well ..." Theo moved closer, sliding his hands around his waist, a smile that pulled his lips and eyes stuck in Liam's. "... There will come a day when I can kiss you without worrying about who is watching us"

Liam sighed happily at the thought "I’m looking forward"

"But for the moment" Theo put his hand on the phone forward, pulling the wires that turned out to be just headphones and giving one to Liam. "...We must be satisfied with this" he said with an allusive expression. Liam looked almost surprised at the headphone before taking it hesitantly. Theo put his in his ear and pushed a button on his cell phone before letting it slip in his pants pocket. Liam imitated him, looking at him with an expression of pure and simple affection. Liam's face exploded into a smile when he heard that it was the same song they had sung a few hours earlier. As the music rang in his ears, he clung to Theo, and swinging on the spot they let themselves be overwhelmed by the moment, enjoying each other's presence, holding on tight, their foreheads touching each other, kissing and kissing again and again , because it was never enough.

And if at some point between a kiss and the other, the headphones had fallen from his ears, Liam didn't even notice. The words of the song and the promise behind them were now forever etched in his mind.

  


TO BE CONTINUED

  
 


	27. The calm before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can't believe this took me a month, sorry! But getting closer to the end of a story always stress me, and obviously I end up writing more and more chapters. Don't worry, this will eventually come to an end very soon! :*

   
"Please, be _very_ careful. Don't be late. Don't fight. Stay out of trouble. And for God's sake, _don't_ destroy our house."  
Standing in front of the airport gate, Liam chuckled against his mother's shoulder, while she released that breathtaking embrace and then moved on to Theo, who was doing everything to keep his eyes from rolling, a fond smile that tilted his lips.  
"Don't worry too much, Jenna. Think about having fun, rather, it's your honeymoon after all." He then shrugged, taking a step back and putting a hand around Liam's neck with a toothy smile on his face. "Liam and I will behave, and we will look after the house in your absence." It would have sounded even reassuring if Liam didn't know him better by now.  
   
"Yeah, don't worry too much, honey." Paul echoed him jokingly, tapping her on the shoulder "It is certainly not the first time that the boys are alone for a few days, What do you think they could do?"  
"Right," Liam said, nodding eagerly. "What could we do, mom?"  
   
Jenna did not seem very convinced, as she let Paul lead her through the gate, keeping throwing recommendations, while Liam and Theo waved at them. They had just disappeared into the crowd when Theo's phone rang for an incoming text.  
 _Josh: So ... big party at yours tonight? ;);)_  
Liam and Theo shared a knowing look, barely holding back their amusement  
 _Theo: Of course!_  
 _*_  
Music rumbled everywhere in the house, as scores of people poured in and out, drinking, shouting and dancing. Liam stood between Mason and Corey, leaning quietly against the kitchen wall drinking from their glasses  
"You know, I will never understand how Josh puts all this stuff on in a couple of hours. It is ... amazing" Liam commented, raising his eyebrows amused and looking around. His gaze finally fell on Nolan and Alec who were challenging each other for who could drink a full glass faster in one sip, with Hayden and Amber being their judges.  
"Put free booze and music all night in one sentence and people will flock in" Corey replied calmly, following Liam's gaze, and laughing as Nolan jumped cheering like a madman for his victory.  
Josh appeared behind them, dodging them a little, with a smug attitude on his pace. "Yeah yeah don't cheer too much! Let's see how you deal with me, Holloway. Know that I'm a champion in this," he declared.  
"Where's Theo?" then Mason asked, noting the absence of the other boy behind Josh.  
Liam raised his eyebrows looking around again. "I don't know, the last time I saw him he was trying to get Stiles to stop dancing on the kitchen table."  
   
"What? And did I really miss the scene?" Mason looked at him outraged.  
"Did he get him in the end?" Corey laughed .  
"Nah he did it all by himself" Liam made an amused grimace "It was a nice fall"  
   
Mason and Corey chuckled, returning to focus on Josh, really taken in what was probably a very drunk victory dance. Liam's gaze instead drifted away, returning to wander over the crowd in search of Theo, a strange sensation that enveloped his stomach. It sounded almost stupid to even think about it, but he _missed_ Theo. He had hoped that finally that day, once Jenna and Paul had left,  they could have spent some time only the two of them, but Josh had definitely upset his plans. Not that he would complain. It was definitely a successful party. And so far it didn't even seem like there was too much damage. Although they probably should have spent the next day cleaning. He was already trembling at the idea.  
He heard a great shouting and giggle coming from beside him and looked back at Mason and Corey who were cheering and clapping their hands looking at the spot where the others were. Apparently the guys had just changed the game. And Hayden and Alec were kissing eagerly.  
"Okay, _that's_ strange," Liam commented, laughing and shaking his head affectionately. At the same time he felt a sting of burning  envy in his stomach. _To hell. He himself would go getting what he wanted ._ Liam chugged what was left of his drink in one gulp and dropped it on the cabinet next to him, before nudging Mason with his elbow. "I'll go find Theo," he said in a low voice. Mason gave him a knowing and mischievous look. "Yeah, of course, I was wondering what you were waiting for" He winked at him and Liam smiled, tapping his shoulder as he pushed himself away from the wall.  
   
Theo never thought that the climax of his evening would be to watch Stiles go down like a sack of potatoes from the kitchen table, risking a cerebral emotion, and then move on to hold his head while he threw up everything he had drunk into the toilet. When he had walked him, staggering, holding him by the shoulders, tp Scott, the boy had clung to him. Scott gave him a sorry look as he drew reassuring circles on Stiles' back, his head resting on the other's shoulder "I'm sorry if he bothered you, Theo"  
"Nah not at all, it was quite funny actually." Theo chuckled quietly.   
Stiles blinked, whispering something to Scott without lifting his head from his shoulder. "You know ... I tho-ought… he was ... he was kind ... I was wrong." He lowered his voice, not realizing that it was still perfectly audible. "I think it's ... kind of a psychopath ... we should check better ... Liam's friends, Scotty ..."  
Theo raised an eyebrow amused as Scott tapped Stiles on the shoulder. "Yes, we will definitely do that tomorrow..." he reassured him. Then he turned with an exasperately affectionate smile to Theo. "Go, I'll take care of him" he said softly to Theo.  
Theo nodded with a smile giving him one last smile. "Who are you talking to, Scotty?" it was the last thing he heard Stiles say.  
He moved away from there, his eyes resting on the sofa in the living room, on a couple who was really getting it on. They seemed ready to tear their clothes off right there. Theo frowned looking at them "Hey you two, go easy, I _sleep_ on that couch" he called them.  
There was a noise like sucking as the boy's head emerged from the heap of limbs, looking at him with a grin. Theo recognized Aiden. "What is up? Are you jealous, Raeken?" he teased him.  
"Fuck you, Aiden," Theo replied quietly as he walked away.   
Yeah, maybe he was kinda jealous. And kinda hypocrite. Because if he and Liam weren't having a more or less secret relationship, he would probably now be doing what practically everyone was doing at this party. Maybe even worse. He had very detailed and explicit fantasies in his mind.  
He was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost freaked out when someone pulled him by the hand and pushed him into what he recognized as the laundry room on the ground floor. Theo blinked as Liam closed the door behind them, then pushing against it with his back. He wondered if thinking too much about it, could make his fantasies materialize in some way, because a couple, he was sure, started just like that.  
"Hey?" Liam said with a faltering smile  
"Hey" Theo smiled at the embarrassed expression with which Liam had said it, as if he also didn't believe what he had just done. "Nice to see that now you're the one who kidnaps me" Theo teased him, approaching him and grinding his waist with his arms.  
"Shut up" Liam pouted, putting his arms around the other’s neck and then fixing his eyes on Theo's "Where have you been?"  
"Making sure that your friend Stiles wasn't suffocating in his own vomit"  
Liam's lips curled up in a grimace " _Ew_... gross"  
"Yeah" Theo moved closer, to the point that every corner of Liam's skin was now sticking to his body. His eyes flickered towards Liam's lips and then returned to his eyes. "So what? Did you miss me?" he asked, a warm breath that caressed Liam's lips, making him even more impatient.   
Liam's hands clung to the front of Theo's shirt, rolling his eyes in a mock exasperation. "Just shut up and kiss me."  
Theo's smirk just widened. "And if I don't-" He had no way of saying anything else because Liam pulled him by the shirt, smashing their lips harshly. Both heavily exhaled from the nose, while Liam immediately opened his mouth, letting Theo's warm tongue in. Theo pulled him close thanks to the hold on his waist, his hands clawing his shirt in search of as much contact and closeness as possible. Liam's hands were no less, as they crawled, pulling, through the other's hair, without ever stopping to kiss, lick and suck Theo's lips.   
He felt like he could never have enough. His head was swimming from the need to breathe, but as Theo tried to pull him even closer, his hands cupped on his ass, it was difficult to even worry about it. Every part of his body that Theo was pinning to the door burned, and he liked the feeling of being wrapped in Theo, of being _dominated_ by him, but… just for once he felt the need to do something, anything. See the expression on Theo's face as he did something to make him fall apart.  
So Liam took two half steps forward, without ever breaking that hungry kiss, and Theo followed his lead. However, he seemed surprised when Liam finally worked up the courage by taking larger steps and pushing him against the wall opposite the door. Staggering back, they smacked the cabinet on the corner, dropping a few bottles of soap and other things on the ground.  
At that moment he couldn't worry about it though. Theo was looking at him with wide eyes, full of surprise, lips swollen and red from kisses already parted ready to speak, but Liam silenced him again in the best way he knew: with another kiss.   
His hands slid greedily along Theo's body, his fingers tentatively slipping under his shirt, stroking the hot skin of his back, then moving forward, tracing his perfect abs and lingering finally on the button of his jeans. He swallowed the hesitation by pressing his lips and his whole body even more against Theo's, and then undoing the button.   
Liam forced himself to drag away from the other’s lips and - both breathing heavily with their mouth open, their broken expressions on their faces that mirrored each other - they looked at each other for what seemed a never ending moment.  
Then Liam took a step back, falling to his knees in front of Theo.  
"Holy shit" Theo widened his eyes, looking at him; and like this, with his hair shot in all directions, his flushed face and his red lips, he was even more beautiful than usual. Liam swallowed.  
"Are you going to stop me again?" Liam looked at him from below, and mixed with his defiant tone there was perhaps a hint of uncertainty.  
Theo looked at him as if he were crazy "I'm not calling anything off,, do you know how long I've been waiting for this moment?"  
Liam didn't need to hear anything else. His lips tilted into a small smile.  
He did not know if he was more nervous, or embarrassed, or eager to prove something, or just turned on. He was certainly turned on. It was already half hard against the fabric of his jeans and just the thought of trying to hold on was becoming unbearable. And Theo was no less. If his blissful expression as Liam took him completely in his mouth, impatient and clumsy as he was right to be his first time, was of some indication.   
When Liam did something with his tongue, he swore between his teeth, breathing through his nose and narrowing his eyes, his hands tangled in Liam's hair, as he pulled his head back against the wall, tilting it upward. He did everything to resist the urge to move his hips in response to the movement of Liam's mouth, but nothing could prevent the soft moans and litanies of Liam's name escaping from his parted lips.   
However, Liam didn't seem to mind, actually it seemed to incite him to put even more effort into it. God, Theo would die because of this guy sooner or later, he just knew. And surely Liam wasn't making it any easier to believe that.   
He felt a familiar heat rise in his belly, so he gently grabbed Liam's shoulder. "Li ... I'm ab-" Liam gently pushed his hand away, undauntedly doing what he was doing. Theo's eyelids fluttered shut as he came with a heavy sigh completely into Liam's mouth.  
The corners of Liam's eyes were punctuated with tears as he let go of Theo, sitting on the floor and feeling now the familiar warmth of embarrassment burning on his cheeks. Theo was breathing heavily still in the same position as before, until he finally opened his eyes, looking down at him, an expression almost impressed on his face.  
"Holy shit" he inspired, chuckling "where did you learn to do that?"  
At that point Liam's face was literally on fire, as he tangled a piece of his shirt on his fingers and looked everywhere but Theo's eyes "I ... may... have watched some videos?" he admitted hesitantly.  
Theo laughed, stunned and fondly. "God, you always amaze me, Dunbar" then he reached out, waving his fingers towards him. "Come here," he said, his eyes suddenly turning darker.   
Liam smiled grasping Theo's hand and letting himself be pulled up. Theo pulled knowingly harder, causing him to stagger against his chest and straight into his arms. "I _fucking_ love you," he just said before kissing him even harder than before, if possible.  
   
A moment later, Theo was leading him back until he was bumping into something solid this time. "Don't think I'm done with you already," he said, his voice reduced to a whisper. "Now it's your turn."  
Liam swallowed heavily, and he couldn't deny being even more aroused now. He didn't believe he really was at that point. Until a week before, he was terrified of the idea of giving himself, of belonging to someone in this way. But now he couldn't think of belonging to anyone but Theo. Only Theo.   
It had been barely a week since the last time they had slept together, yet he had missed that contact, that closeness all the time. To the point of feeling going crazy. The Liam of yesteryear would probably have felt dirty only in having these kinds of thoughts. Now it just seemed right. He belonged to Theo, and Theo belonged to him. And he couldn't wait to feel the actual demonstration of it on his skin again.  
Theo pressed his body against his, sliding his hands over his thighs "Jump" he blew him in his ear and Liam obeyed as Theo levered his hands, guiding him sitting on what he had bumped into earlier, which was nothing other than the washing machine. Theo slipped between his legs, while Liam wrapped his hands behind his neck. They pushed towards each other at the same time, kissing again, kissing harder, sucking and devouring each other’s lips, their tongues clashing harshly. Theo's hand slipped between their bodies, stopping on Liam's still covered but noticeable bulge, and Liam's hands ran to grab the hem of Theo's shirt, ready to pull it away. Theo exhaled, trying to see beyond the cloud of lust that fogged up his mind. Beyond the door they could still hear the music beating loudly, echoing through the rooms along with a great chatter and confusion. Anyone could rush in there at any moment...  
"Wait ..." he spoke between kisses "Hey Li .. maybe... we should .."  
Liam stopped, pushing his head back with difficulty and breathing heavily "If you say go back to the party, I'll kill you” he panted.  
Theo snorted amused " _Go upstairs_. I don't really like the idea of fucking you on the washing machine where your mother does our laundry"  
"Wow" Liam breathed slowly  "I thought _I_ was the champion of ruining the mood, but you just stole my place with these words" he joked. But he definitely saw Theo's point.  
Theo laughed, placing a last kiss on his lips, and arranging Liam’s shirt for the better. "Come on." He laced their fingers, and pulled him towards the door. Liam followed him without any hesitation.  
Theo peered over the door. It was so full of people, and everyone was so busy with their activities that no one would notice them. And even if they did, he didn't really care. People could say or think what they wanted, and in any case very soon they would all know the truth. Chuckling like two kids, they ran up the stairs, holding hands. At that moment Liam was happy to have had the idea of locking all the rooms upstairs, because apparently at that point in the evening this had discouraged any guests from going up the stairs. The hallway was deserted, in fact, with the exception of a couple who was making out on the first steps of the staircase, and who did not even look at them.   
Theo opened the door to Liam's room, entering quickly and slamming the door awkwardly behind him, while Liam pulled him into another kiss. They stumbled a few steps into the dark room, lit only by the faint light of the moon peeping through the half-open window. Theo's hands ran to the end of Liam's shirt, pulling it up and Liam let himself be guided so that Theo could pull it out of his arms and over his head.   
Liam then immediately captured his lips, hands cupped on his cheeks, as if every second he spent no kissing the other was a crazy waste, while Theo randomly threw his shirt somewhere in the room. Continuing to back away toward the bed, Theo also unbuckled the button of Liam's jeans, before finally falling on the bed. They crawled back on the sheets looking for a more comfortable position and Theo settled between Liam's legs, pinning the other to the mattress and keeping kissing him hungrily, rolling his hips against Liam's.  
"Nhh," Liam panted heavily, hands that didn't seem to want to decide where to stop. They didn't _want_ to stop. He wanted to feel everything. He clenched his fist around the fabric of Theo's shirt and pulled. Theo pushed away a bit, promptly obeying, and letting Liam make follow to his shirt the same fate as his own.   
He stood there for a moment, as if enchanted, admiring Theo’s figure, his perfect body, illuminated by the soft light. It seemed almost ethereal. It was perfect. God, Liam loved this boy so much that it almost hurt ...   
He held out his hands, pulling Theo close by his hips, until their lips were a breath away  
"I can't believe I'm actually saying that" Liam panted, almost frightened by how destroyed his voice sounded "... but I really need you to fuck me"  
Theo let a breathless laugh, his hands sliding more gently this time around Liam's whole body. "I won’t fuck you" he said then, making their eyes meet. Liam's expression barely had time to squirm in disappointment, before noticing the grin on Theo's face. He frowned "... I will _make love_ to you," Theo whispered mischievously against his lips.   
Liam snorted a half-laugh, rolling his eyes affectionately, while Theo also laughed. "Stop being an idiot" he snorted, pulling him closer again.  
"But you love it," Theo replied innocently, tilting his head to kiss him gently under the ear and on the neck.  
"Yeah ..." Liam panted, tilting his head back to give Theo better access as he moved towards his chest. "I love it..."  
   
With all the kisses, caresses and the arousal, Liam felt overwhelmed. He found himself in his boxers without even realizing when Theo had stripped him. His whole body was burning, shuddering, wanting more. His fingers gently tugged on the loops of Theo's pants. "You really should get rid of them," he murmured between kisses.  
Theo moved away from his lips, looking at him full of love and desire. "Why don't you do it?" he whispered in a low, provocative voice. Flirty. Smug. Bold. But somehow kind.  
Liam bit his lip, accepting the challenge. Going for it.  
He pushed Theo's chest with his hands, reversing their positions, hovering him, kneeling between his parted legs. He unfastened Theo's pants, then yanked them to take them off. Maybe he hadn't been as sensual as Theo, maybe he was still a little clumsy, or maybe just eager, but Theo wouldn't have complained. He loved him also for this, _above all_ for this.  
Now that they were both in boxer, Theo, a smile that tilted his lips, pulled Liam over him, making their half-naked bodies smash together, kissing him greedily, squeezing him, before rolling them to the side again, regaining his dominant position. Liam let himself be pin down to the mattress again, and Theo looked at him defiantly.  
"This time I won't hold myself back in any way, I need you to know," he warned, and Liam swallowed at the fire that burned in his eyes.  
"I don't want you to do it," he gasped.  
His mind was already adrift. He only knew that at some point even the last piece of cloth that divided them was gone, thrown across the room. Theo's hands kept running over his body, his mouth pressed against his, breathing into one another. Theo had grabbed the bottle of lubricant from his bedside table, the one that Liam had bought last week and that he still hadn't even been able to open, wetting his fingers abundantly. True, he wouldn't have held back, but he wouldn't have hurt Liam for anything in the world.   
When he began to press the first finger into him, a burst of pleasure pervaded Liam's body. He breathed heavily, holding on to the other's shoulders, moving his hips to try to meet Theo's movements. He did not look away, and did not hold back the moans that escaped from his parted lips as Theo started to move his first finger, then the second, faster. Theo would not hold back. And neither does he. He wanted to give Theo as much as Theo was giving him.  
Then Theo put in the third finger, scissoring and bending them inside him, and his body shook when he hit that spot again. His eyelids fluttered shut, lips parted, moaning Theo's name without restraint.  
" _God_... holy fucking shit ..." he panted. "Please, _Theo_ , I ... I ..."  
Theo abruptly stopped the movement of his fingers, and Liam whimpered, moving in search of friction. "What? What do you want, Liam? I want to hear you say it," Theo said slowly and gently, against his lips.  
" _Please_..." Liam groaned, blushing "I want that... I want you ..." He breathed heavily, stirring again under him. "Just ... just fuck me, I want _you_ in me, not ... not your fingers"  
Theo smiled broadly "Well if you ask so nicely..." he sighed, then removing his fingers completely. Liam moaned again as Theo moved over him. _Fucking teaser. He would make him pay for it sooner or later._  
As Theo began to press against his opening, however, all sorts of lucid thoughts definitely flew out the window. Liam gasped, as he literally saw the stars, his nails digging into Theo's bare shoulders. But it wasn't for pain. He had expected it to hurt again, but the pain disappeared almost immediately. Replaced by pure and simple pleasure. "Holy- .."  
Theo also inhaled heavily against his shoulder, as he pressed deeper. He had almost forgotten how tight Liam was, how _incredible_ it was to be buried inside him. "Fuck" he swore between his teeth, stopping when he bottomed out.  
They were both still looking for a way to remember how to breathe, when Liam captured his lips, simultaneously wrapping his legs around Theo's waist, moving his hips upward. Still clinging to the kiss, Theo pulled back and then thrusted forward again. Liam's body jerked, and Theo could feel his teeth press against his lower lip. _Holy shit ..._ He repeated the movement, this time more decisive, but still slow, almost as if he wanted to test the waters.  
Liam didn't seem to agree. "T..theo ... fa ... _faster_ " he moaned against his lips. At that point the last glimmer of control that Theo had tried to keep, flew out the window. "Okay ..." he breathed "If that's what you want ..." He wouldn't hold back, right? He said so.  
He moved to raise his torso for more movement, and Liam's legs let go of him, falling sprawled to his sides. Theo grabbed the other's wrists pinning them to the mattress, and thrusted himself forward forcefully, and then again and again. Theo took an increasingly destructive rhythm, pushing inside him with decision and speed, more and more. Hovering over him, he could admire the spectacle that was Liam below him, his eyes half closed and clouded by pleasure, but still pointed at him, his mouth half open which continued to let slip moans and curses, his hands stuck next to his head, so open, so vulnerable ... just for him.  
Theo gasped, and Liam echoed him when a particularly harsh thrust struck that point inside him again. "T-theo ... _ahh_..." Liam shouted, and Theo could not help but be grateful that the music rumbled everywhere covering all their noises, each creaking of the bed that oscillated under them to the rhythm of their thrusts.  
   
Hearing his name, said by Liam, in that way, in that voice, only served to make him feel even more out of control. He suddenly let go of Liam's right wrist, whose hand immediately ran to grab Theo's shoulder, while Theo's hand stopped on Liam's right thigh, pushing it to the side for having even greater access. Then he let go of the other wrist, and both of his hands ran to grab Liam's hips as he continued to pound inside him.  
"Oh .. my .. God ..." Liam's breath jammed in his throat, instinctively arching his back and rolling his eyes back.  
"Fuck, Li ..." Theo breathed panting, his body completely covered in sweat. The boy beneath him was no better. And he could not stop looking at him, enchanted; it was fucking wonderful. "You are so ... so ..." He stopped, keeping pounding into him. He felt his climax approaching and his push became more erratic. He swallowed. "I-I'm going to ..."  
"W-wait ..." Liam gasped, and before Theo could say something or even think of stopping, Liam wrapped his legs around his waist again, grabbing him by the shoulders and rolling them to the side, again. Theo moaned, before widening his eyes towards Liam, completely taken aback. "Wha-?"  
"Now it's my turn," Liam breathed, straddling his lap, nailing Theo's hands against the mattress. "Didn't you want me to ride you?" he teased him.  
"Fuck," Theo just said, out of breath, out of speech. Then Liam started to move on him, fast and strong. And he knew it was a goner. "God, Li ..." he panted as Liam rolled his hips, making his eyes roll over. " _You are so fucking ... so good..._ " It was too far over the edge already, to hold back in front of a similar scene. "So ... perfect ..." Liam kept swinging on him, fast, and at the same time he started pumping his own member to the rhythm of his thrusts, and a few moments later they were both coming hard, the backs arching and the fingers feet that curled with the overwhelming pleasure.  
Struggling for breath, Liam slowly dropped to the side, lying next to Theo, as they both looked at the ceiling. Theo seemed lost.  
"Holy fucking shit ..." he repeated in amazement for the thousandth time that night. "It ... was ... insane..." he gasped. He tilted his head slightly to look at Liam, who was already staring at him, a slight blush on his face. Theo's lips tilted into a smile "Shit, you're so fucking wild when you're drunk"  
Liam laughed, breathing before turning the body to get closer to the other "Theo" he called him, placing a hand on his chest, while the other boy instinctively surrounded his waist with his right arm. Theo looked at him. "I'm not drunk," Liam just said , with a hint of amusement in his voice.  
Theo raised his eyebrows, almost as if he didn't believe his ears. Then he laughed, wonderful, wrapping him in his arms completely and pulling him even closer. "I fucking love you," he said to him, before kissing him.  
They continued to kiss for a while, languid and sweet kisses, clearly in contrast with those of just before. Until then Liam curled up on his chest, cradled by Theo's caresses in his hair. "Do you want to go back down?" Liam asked in a whisper at some point. Outside the room they could still hear the music ringing and people talking.  
"Nah .. all I want is to take a good shower and then fall asleep cuddling my boyfriend," said Theo, looking for his gaze. "What’s the plan felt like?"  
Liam smiled hugging him stronger. "I love it"  
*  
Theo hadn't really lived much, but he was already sure that nothing in the world could ever take the place as his favorite thing to wake up next to Liam. He loved everything about this: the way the first thing he felt even before opening his eyes, was the warmth, the solid presence of the other by his side, the way Liam slept clutching him, that expression peaceful and adorable on his face. He even loved his faint snoring against his ear. Now, opening his eyes, he couldn't help but smile at him. He stayed like that for a while, watching him sleep, gently stroking his hair. He also realized that they were still completely naked, the sheets barely covering them. He remembered how yesterday after the shower they had decided to go to bed without even getting dressed. It had seemed like a great idea back then, now in hindsight it felt just cold. He moved away, determined to get up to prepare breakfast for both of them, but Liam muttered in protest. Theo approached placing a kiss on his forehead. "I'm going to prepare breakfast, keep sleeping" he whispered softly, not even sure that the other was actually awake enough for this. Liam moaned again when Theo got up, but otherwise continued to sleep soundly. So Theo dressed as quietly as possible wearing only a pair of boxers and shorts, and went out.  
The house was terribly silent and terribly deserted compared to the night before, and what was worse, was that all that crowd of people had left behind was a big fucking mess. Theo sighed in defeat as he went down the stairs at the thought of having to spend the morning tidying up.  
When he entered the kitchen, he immediately headed for the fridge, determined to drain the entire bottle of water, but ...  
"Good morning"  
Theo jumped so much in fright that he wondered how he hadn't been able to hit his head against the ceiling. He turned toward the kitchen table, where, busy on eating a bowl of cereal ( _his_ cereals), there was Josh .  
"Fuck Josh ... _Shit_ " he protested, glaring at him in front of the still open fridge. "What the fuck are you doing here ?!"  
Josh looked at him as if he were stupid "Don't you see? I'm having breakfast"  
Theo glared at him, finally taking the bottle of water. "I mean... why are you _still_ here?"  
Josh shrugged "I woke up on the bathroom floor, and there was no one left. I thought it was better not to drive, so I invited myself over"  
Theo looked at him unimpressed, pouring himself a glass "I hope Tracy will come back early from her vacation with her father, if that's what you do in her absence "  
Josh moaned "Don't remind me, four fucking _weeks._ It should be considered a crime "He got up, taking his bowl of cereal with him and sitting on the counter in the kitchen, in front of Theo who had just recovered a bowl and some milk.  
Theo laughed, filling it and adding the cereals. "Do not fuck for a few weeks will not kill you"  
"Funny to hear you say that, Raeken ..." Josh said looking at him with an amused and decidedly not recommendable expression on his face. Theo stopped, with the spoon in midair. "What do you mean?" he asked with a frown.  
"I'm talking about you and your little little brother" If possible Josh's grin widened even more. Theo rolled his eyes, annoyed, rattling the spoon in the cup. "I already told you, it's not what you think, asshole," he said.  
"Really? Because you know ... I could swear I saw you  two on the bed yesterday, really really close ... and really really _naked_ " Josh said vaguely.  
Theo's eyes widened. "You- you saw us?" he choked on a bite of cereal.  
Josh laughed with a wave. "I had just woken up in the bathroom, and nobody was there. I was looking for you, but you weren't in your room. So I went to Liam’s." He looked at him approvingly. "Nice ass, by the way." In response, Theo threw the half-empty water bottle at him. Josh dodged it laughing.  
"Don't worry, I've already told you, your secret is safe with me," he reassured him, more seriously.  
Theo gave him an altered look. "Don't try to bring this up with Liam, or I'll kill you, seriously this time." Theo was ready to put his hand on the fire that if Liam had known that Josh knew and that Josh had _seen_ them, he would have buried himself in shame.  
Josh made a solemn expression, with his hand over his heart, before he chuckled and went back to eating. Theo deigned him with one last annoyed glance before doing the same.  
They ate in silence for a few minutes, before Josh started talking again. "Mmh," he exclaimed, his mouth full of cereals, looking at him as if he had just remembered something of extreme importance. He swallowed the bite "Does this mean we have to update the list"  
Theo looked at him incredulously "Seriously? Is it the only thing you have to say about the matter?"  
Josh shrugged. "Well it's not like it's the fi-" Theo gave him a murderer look that instantly silenced him. "Okay, sorry, but come on! The list is _our_ _thing_ , we started it with our first, and we will end it with our last. That's how we keep our bond alive."  
"Oh my god.” Theo rolled his eyes. He would have done without that bond at that moment.  
"It will take a moment." Josh pulled his wallet out of his pocket, then pulled out a sheet, bent and worn out. Theo looked at him with wide eyes. "Do you take it with you ?!"  
"Of course!" He smoothed it on the counter. Then he looked at Theo "Ok do you have a pen?"  
Theo barely restrained himself from snarling as he took the sheet from Josh's hands, crumpling it and pulling it away, without ever ceasing to glare at his friend.  
"Was it really necessary?" Josh asked. He also dared to pout!  
"Stop it, I won't put Liam's name on a list of fucks that we started when we were 14!" he snapped, forcing himself to keep his voice low. "Because Liam is not just a fuck for me, he is .. he is my fucking boyfriend!" He wasn't blushing, was he? No way.  
He looked at Josh and his expression became confused seeing his big smile. "God! You finally said it!" He cheered. "I never imagined hearing these words coming from you! "  
Theo blinked. Then he finally understood." You did it on purpose, didn't you? Riling me up with that fucking list"  
Josh shrugged "I told you, apparently ambushing you is the only way to make you open"  
Theo studied him for a few seconds." You know I’m starting to think you're not as stupid as you seem"  
Josh smiled, almost moved, thrusting another huge spoonful of cereal into his mouth. "Thanks! "  
Theo smiled at his cereal cup, shaking his head fondly.  
After Josh finished his breakfast, he got up beating his hands on the counter "Well I think I'll take a shower now" he communicated nonchalantly.  
Theo followed him with his eyes "Sure, make yourself at home!" he shouted ironically behind him.  
"I will!" Josh’s voice replied as he climbed up the stairs.  
Theo snorted, before getting up and carrying the cup in the sink. He rinsed it carefully, before turning to admire the disaster around him. He would have made pancakes for Liam, but first he had to get rid of that sheet. He looked carefully around, his eyes who went between plastic cups and bottles scattered almost everywhere, on the floor, on the furniture, on the couch. Where the heck had it gone? He went over to the sofa, moving the cushions, ignoring the glasses that fell on the ground. He bent to look under the table, but nothing. With panic rising, he bit his lip poking his eyes again and again. He knew it would pop out cleaning anyway, but it would have been difficult to explain if Liam had found it!  
He knelt to look under the sofa too, but the only thing his fingers felt were bottle caps.  
   
Liam appeared in the doorway, also dressed only in shorts, his hair ruffled and his eyes sleepy, while he rubbed them eagerly. He stopped looking at Theo kneeling in front of the sofa.  
"What are you doing?"  
Theo jumped to his feet and turned to him so quickly that he almost knocked out the corner table. He managed to hold it up just in time, then stood up to look at Liam with wide eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Liam laughed as he approached. "What were you looking for?" he asked curiously.  
"Oh ... um" Theo scratched his head taken aback. "Cap" He showed what he had collected, then placing it on the cabinet. He grimaced "You know ... it will be torture to clean this place"  
"Yeah," Liam replied shyly. Theo could see a slight flushing slowly crawling across his face. "But I seem to remember you promised me a breakfast first," he added with a smirk on his face, gently wrapping his hands around the back of his neck. Theo smiled in turn, his eyes flickering between Liam's and his soft red lips. Liam's smile widened to Theo's almost enchanted expression, before plunging forward capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. Theo's hands ran instinctively to his hips, kissing him back  
Then he remembered. "Wait ..." he muttered weakly, without actually doing anything to pull himself away. "You should know that-"  
"I don't want to know anything," Liam laughed, continuing to kiss him.  
Then someone cleared his throat.  
This time it was Liam's turn to jump in fright almost to the ceiling. They both turned to look at Josh - Theo annoyed, Liam with wide eyes - leaning with his arms crossed against the door frame, a sardonic expression on his face. "Very nice," he said, with an approving nod of the head. "Go ahead," he said, turning around. "I just wanted to warn Theo that I will borrow some of his clothes!"  
Theo held back a curse, only because Liam turned to look at him as if he had just seen a ghost. "What is he doing here?" he whispered-shouted.  
"Ugh- He invited himself over, it's not my fault!"  
"Well you could have warned me at least" Liam rolled her eyes, hitting him gently on the shoulder.  
" _Ouch_ , hey-I tried," Theo defended, returning to pull him close by the hips. He smiled. "It's not my fault that you are distracted by something else."  
Liam blushed, then bit his lip. "... I guess so ... he knows?"  
Theo made a face. "Yeah, I'm sorry ... for the first time in his life, he understood something by himself" he murmured.   
Liam laughed before looking back at Theo. "Well I guess that's right. He's your best friend, and then ... soon everyone will know, won't they?" he ended hesitantly.  
"Yeah" Theo pecked him on his lips quickly, smiling "I can’t wait to never have to hide you again, Liam Dunbar"  
Liam looked at him, blushing and smiling beaming, and Theo was sure it was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes on throughout his life.  
"So, this breakfast?"  
*  
They spent most of the morning tidying up, and most of the afternoon in bed. And no, not sleeping. At the end of the day, while they were cuddling on the couch in front of a movie, Theo had lost count of how many times he had made his Liam that day. Not that he would complain about it. Certainly not. The only stain on that seemingly perfect day was that fucking list. Because despite having cleaned up everywhere, insisting with Liam to take care of that room, it hadn't come out. Where the heck could it have gone ?! He was sure Liam hadn't found it, otherwise he wouldn't have been so blissfully spreaded on his chest. But in the end ... probably one of the two had just collected it together with the myriad of glasses and bottles, throwing it away. It was a balled-up piece of paper, what were the odds that Liam would be interested in opening it to see what it was in the midst of that disaster? Theo was confident.  
"Did you hear anything from mom and Paul?" Liam suddenly asked.  
"Yes, I spoke to them this morning," Theo replied, stroking his hair. "They say hello to you, and they say Miami is great and they'll have to take us too one day," Theo said with a smile. "And they said they'll let us know when they come back"  
"What do you mean 'they'll let us know'? Shouldn't they come back on Sunday?"  
"Well apparently there is a weather alert due to a typhoon arriving on the weekend. They also said it on the news, and my dad said some flights could be postponed." Theo shrugged carelessly. "Well at least we would have a few more days for us," he smiled then.  
"I don't know if they would agree." Liam replied chuckling. "I don't think they can take any more vacation from work."  
"Let adults think about adult things, rather ..." Liam snorted. "Do you have plans for tomorrow?"  
"It depends, what do you have in mind?" Liam asked, burying his face against his neck.  
"Cinema and pizza, what do you say?" Theo suggested, kissing his neck.  
Liam pushed up his head looking at him with a raised eyebrow and an incredulous expression "Are you really asking me if I want or not to spend two hours in the dark, while nobody can see us, with my boyfriend?"  
Theo laughed "I'll take it for a yes then"  
"Yes" Liam echoed , a smile against his lips before kissing him again.  
*  
Liam was beginning to feel more and more frightened as Sunday approached, and the time to spend with Theo slowly decreased. Going to the movies, going to dinner just the two of them ... it was something that made him realize somehow how precarious their situation was. What would happen a few days later could change it forever, for better or for worse ... And Liam, well Liam had never been good at managing stress, managing changes. They didn't even know how to deal with their parents yet! They didn't know anything, and that was enough in itself to push him to the limit.  
They had just returned from a run in the park that Friday. (Even if they had spent more time doing ‘make-out-breaks’ than actually running). But Theo had argued that it was one of the best ways to release the tension (the _second_ best way, if we want to quote his exact words) and Liam had found himself in agreement. About running. (And maybe also about the other thing, yeah) Although he had never been a particularly sporty type. In fact, as soon as he walked in the house, he rushed into the kitchen, hearing Theo still laughing in the entrance, and he almost completely emptied the bottle of water that was in the fridge.   
When he broke away, taking a breath, he was already feeling much better. He gave way to Theo, who unlike him, did not look like one who had just returned from a 5km race under the Californian July sun.  
Liam hated him sometimes.  
He dropped into one of the chairs at the kitchen table, and threw his head into his hands, moaning.  
Theo chuckled, _again_ "Hey do you want a sandwich?" he then asked him as he opened the fridge to see if there was everything needed.  
Liam rolled his eyes "This would make the fact that I almost lost a lung useless, don't you think?"  
"You're not on a diet, Liam, trust me, you don't need it at all," Theo spoke from behind the fridge.  
Liam rolled his eyes, but failed to hold back the flushing. Then his gaze fell on the centerpiece full of fruit. Maybe an apple could go ... He reached out, taking one, only to notice that there was something else behind it, something out of place. Raising an eyebrow, he laid the apple down to grab that crumpled piece of paper.  
"I can’t believe it," he murmured in a low voice, amused, as he focused on opening it and finding out what it was. Probably some shopping lists from Jenna, or some reminders from Paul, or something written by someone during Tuesday's party that they hadn't noticed while cleaning. Well, after all ... who would have looked through the fruit?  
Liam widened his eyes. Because it was actually a list. But not a shopping list.  
"Oh my god" He grimaced, while clearly reading "Josh's Fuck List" written at the top of the sheet. Below were about twenty names, written in pen in Josh's disastrous handwriting, even accompanied by a date and arranged in chronological order. Some even had some X next to them, which Liam was afraid to imagine what they meant.  
"I can't believe Josh is your best friend," he exclaimed in bewilderment as he got up from his chair, just as Theo looked up from his sandwich, and he turned the page to see if that ridiculous list went on. But he stopped on his track. And Theo did the same when he saw what Liam was holding. His eyes widened, turning pale, as all the air seemed to be sucked into the room. _No no no no._  
Liam's hands tightened around the sheet as he read "Theo's Fuck List" perfectly symmetrically to the other side. The names below were even more numerous than Josh's, always followed by a date, and full, _very full,_ of X. He understood what they meant when he saw how many there were next to Tracy's name.  
"Li, it's not what you think-" Theo protested weakly. "It's- it's just a stupid game we used to play as kids-"  
"A game?" Liam snapped, raising his head. His whole expression, from the way he clenched his eyes, his fists, to the way he clenched his jaw, suggested that he was furious. His eyes returned to the sheet "Holy fucking shit, this is-" _Crazy. Disgusting. Gross. Disrespectful. Childish._ But he stopped suddenly, looking at a specific point on the sheet.  
He somehow seemed to deflate.  
Theo was frightened. "Li-" he said, daring to take a few steps closer.  
Liam raised his head upwards, releasing a derisive sigh, but Theo could see that he had tears in his eyes. _He lied to me._ "Some girl at some party, huh?" he repeated slowly, echoing Theo's words from a few weeks earlier. He sounded almost sarcastic, but from the way his voice trembled,  Theo could feel not so much his anger, but his _disappointment_.  
 _He lied to me. But why?_ When Theo did not reply, paralyzed, Liam snorted again, walking and slamming the list on his chest before walking past him. "Why don't you write my name too on the bottom of your list now?" Liam shouted at him as he left the house, slamming the door.  
Theo gasped, hands trembling as he finally lowered the paper, _Gabe's_ name standing out prominently at the top of the list.  
   
TO BE CONTINUED   
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I made a playlist for this story, with a bunch of songs that remind me of Thiam. You can find it on spotify searching ''TBISWTL" or following this link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6xuRTdHvTubv5D07DtBeBn?si=kadqAhIeRA2TZe371L5UvQ


End file.
